mindfuck v.
- To mess with someone’s head until they are quite confused.
- An obscure type of porn where the penis is inserted into a hole drilled in someone’s skull.
- Actually there’s no 3. If you believe in 2, you’ve just been mindfucked.
This is Ericka. She’s this great girl I met last weekend.
Ericka is 26, attached, a research analyst, a Godfather fanatic, a cat lover, a Xiaxue and kennysia.com reader. At least that’s what I know is true about her.
Ericka is also the queen of cock-and-bull stories, like how when I first met her, she told me she’s 36 and her name wasn’t Ericka, but Julie. She also told me she has two kids, aged 10 and 6, both with Down’s syndrome. But she talk cock only, not true one.
Ericka is a feisty little girl with a bubbly personality and a great load of fun to hang out with. How exactly I got to know her has gotta be ranked up there as one of the most bizarre moments in my life.
(This is gonna be quite a long story, so go grab a cup of coffee and make yourself comfortable.)
It all started last Saturday night when I ventured out with David to Kuching’s newest drinking hole at the Travilion for Halloween. I did my stuff, drank myself silly, returned home at 3am and was about to call it a night when I got a phone call from HB, another blogger from Kuching.
HB: Kenny! Were you at MC3 just now?
Kenny: Eh, I was. How did you know?
HB: I was there too. My friends said that they saw you and you even took a picture of us!
Kenny: I did? I didn’t even know you were there. Where are you now?
HB: I’m at Miami!
Kenny: Where’s Miami? (Florida?)
HB: Miami is near Rainforest.
Kenny: Alright, I’ll head down there in a bit.
HB: Wait, wait… my friend wants to talk to you…
*HB passes the phone over to someone*
Unidentified Female Observer: Is this Kenny?
Kenny: Yeah it is.
UFO: Hi, my name is Julie. We were with HB at MC3 just now.
Kenny: Ya I know! I didn’t see you guys when I was there!
UFO: We’re at Miami now. Are you gonna come?
Kenny: Errr… It’s a bit late… but yea I’ll come.
Half an hour later I drove down to Miami (which was actually located opposite Hilton and not in Florida) to find John, Sebastian, HB and “Julie” sipping drinks in a quiet bar.
To be honest, I didn’t think much of “Julie” when I first saw her. I can see that she’s above average-looking. She just didn’t quite catch my attention. Maybe if she were someone I bumped into in the streets, I would turn my head to check her out but I’d easily forget about her 2 seconds later.
Besides, I was there to catch up with HB.
We didn’t talk much that night. Just some trivial stuff. The four of us left after only about 20 minutes and I thought no more about the evening.
Until the day after, when I got mindfucked by Ericka so much, I think my head is getting pregnant.
It was a lazy hungover Sunday afternoon. I was at Bing Coffee together with David and Ah Yang going through the finer details of the Detox Diet, when I got this phonecall from an unidentified 016 number.
Mindfucker: Hello may I speak to Kenny?
Kenny: Yah, that’s me.
Mindfucker: Uhmm… I’m calling to ask if you have a job opening?
Kenny: A job opening? Not that I know of. Who’s this? How did you get my number?
Mindfucker: Oh I got it from a friend. She said to look for you if I want to get a job.
Kenny: No no no… I won’t be the one responsible for filling vacancies. Look, why don’t you pass me a copy of your resume and I’ll see what I can do about it.
Mindfucker: Resume? No need resume lah. I want to be your personal assistant!
Kenny: Huh? But I don’t need a personal assistant!
Mindfucker: But I want!
Kenny: Alright then how would you like to ‘personally assist’ me?
Mindfucker: Do you know who I am?
Kenny: Who?
Mindfucker: I’m Julie.
Kenny: Julie? Julie from last night? Yeah I remember.
“Julie”: Listen, I wanted to apologise. We called you so late last night to ask you out and then when you came we all left just like that.
Kenny: Oh that? Nah, don’t worry about it. It’s no biggie.
“Julie”: You’re not pissed? I know I’d be pissed.
Kenny: Not at all. I’m fine. Really.
“Julie”: Heyyyy… I wanted to ask you something.
Kenny: Shoot.
“Julie”: What do you think of me?
Kenny: You? Err… I don’t know? I’ve only known you for like 15 minutes.
“Julie”: What’s your first impression of me?
Kenny: Well, I can see that you’re nice and friendly and approachable.
“Julie”: That’s all!?!
Kenny: Hey, that’s all I could tell in that 15 minutes of knowing you!
“Julie”: Would I be someone you’d bring out on a date?
Kenny: If I’m single, I’d bring you out on a date.
“Julie”: But you’re single in Kuching what!
“Julie”: !!!
“Julie”: Ok. What do you think of XiaXue?
Kenny: What?!
“Julie”: If you could choose between me or XiaXue, which one would you choose?
(Are you nuts?! You don’t ask people questions like that after knowing them for only 15 minutes.)
Kenny: Ummm… YOU?!
(Tip for guys: For the love of your own coconuts, if you’re ever asked questions like that by a girl, ALWAYS say you’ll choose her even if you had to lie through your teeth. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.)
“Julie”: YOU SURE OR NOT?
Kenny: Yeah… !
“Julie”: What are you doing tonight?
Kenny: Tonight? No special plans leh.
“Julie”: Wanna go out or not?
Kenny: Err… sure.
“Julie”: Ok loh then I’ll give you a call later tonight.
The meetup later that night went quite well with the level of mindfucking kept to the minimum. But Ericka had already messed up my head pretty bad.
For some obscure reason, the telephone conversation we had kept playing up in my mind. I was thinking – she’s attached, she knows I’m attached, we got nothing to offer each other except a friendly platonic relationship. So what was that conversation all about?
Over the next few days, I woke up thinking about Ericka, I shat thinking about Ericka, I went to work thinking about Ericka and I went to bed thinking about Ericka. Not in the I-miss-her kinda way. More like who-the-heck-is-this-girl-and-what-the-hell-does-she-want-from-me kinda way.
Chupachups and Chivas never looked so good.
Maybe she just wanna be friends with the person behind the blog she reads. And in a way she achieved that. Truth to be told, if it weren’t for that phone conversation, I wouldn’t give two hoots about her. But she called, she got my attention and I’m actually glad things happened that way.
After that unusual initial meeting, I gradually got to know Ericka a little better over the course of the Hari Raya long weekend. We cleared things up. The personal assistant thing and the Xiaxue thing were obviously nothing more than talking cock.
John, Sebastian, myself, Ericka, and a ghost.
Surprisingly, she told me none of these were planned. It just so happened that John spotted me at the club that night, asked HB to call me over, who introduced me to Ericka, who just happened to be there. And all the silly things she said on the phone were just spontaneous reaction.
Ericka is just this naughty, playful and feisty personality who has a penchant for being overly friendly to everyone. But overall I still like her. She may say things that mess with people’s head. More often than not she does it without any malicious intent. So we’re close friends now, and it’s all cool.
My point is, the art of mindfucking seems to be permanently ingrained in women’s DNA. All women exudes that kind of charm and beauty most men find difficult to resist. They know it and some knows how to use it effectively as a weapon without coming across as slutty or sexual.
The trick seems to be mindfucking men into believing that they might have a shot at fucking the real thing.
I know girls use it on their boyfriends ALL THE TIME. They mindfucked you into buying her those Louis Vuitton handbags or that Ferragamo shoes, all the while subtly hinting that if you swiped your platinum credit card at the cashier counter you might get lucky tonight.
Too bad. Come bedtime, the only thing you’ll be fucking with is your left hand.
Girls are evil. And us guys are just suckers for that.