Kuala Lumpur is probably the only city I know that has the word “Welcome” proudly displayed on their taxis, when in actual fact what they REALLY meant was…
“Welcome. Except when you want to go to Bangsar during peak hours, then you’re not welcome.”
or
“Welcome. Sure, I’ll drive you from Kelana Jaya LRT Station to One Utama. And you’re welcome to pay me an extra RM2 for that service. Meanwhile, I’ll pretend to ignore that bright yellow shuttle bus right in front of my taxi that’s gonna take you to your destination FOR FREE.”
or
“Welcome. Here at KL International Airport, our taxi drivers make you feel very welcome by loitering around the arrival hall, and making kissing sounds at you to draw your attention.”
or
“Welcome. I’m a taxi driver and I don’t know where Sheraton Hotel is despite the fact that it’s a major international hotel located right smack in the center of the city. No worries though, you’re still welcome onboard while I drive around the block pretending to know where it is, until I finally succumbed to my taxi driver ego and asked for directions.”
or
“Welcome. You’re welcome to load your own luggage into my car boot YOURSELF while I sit my lazy ass in the car not lifting a finger.”
or
“Welcome. Our taxis say ‘Bermeter’ (meter in use), but you are more than welcome to ignore that.”
or
“Welcome. Wait… what? You want to go to some ulu out-of-town suburb? Sorry, not welcome!”
or
“Welcome. I’m a multi-lingual taxi driver, and you are welcome to hear me swear, in 5 different languages, at that fucking pukima who just cut into my lane.”
Next time you take a taxi in our nation’s capital, be prepared to feel very, very welcome.
Singapore Nightlife
I totally dig Singapore’s nightlife.
Sure, compared to back home, alcohol in SG may cost twice as much and the midnight charges for taxis are horrendous. In the end, it’s the crowd and company that make a great night out. The Singaporeans I met sure know how to partayyyy.
Zouk’s Mambo Night
Wednesday nights in Singapore are special.
It is when all the Uni and College babes come out and play, and old farts like me play with ourselves watch them play. Their playground is Zouk’s Mambo Jambo Night.
I have no idea why Mambo Nights are so popular. Since when did 18, 19 year olds start dancing to 70s and 80s retro music? I’d have thought people of their age would be going Zouk to listen to tetno music.
This is my date for the night, Linda Chia.
I’m a bad date though. I made her wait outside Zouk for an hour while I record “Zhng My Car” with Brown and Miyagi. Sorry Linda!
While we’re outside, we spotted this someone who probably just came out of torturing little animals inside a handicapped toilet while chanting anti-KL slogans. 😉
Mambo Nights aren’t just fun, they’re funny as.
One thing I noticed was that when it comes to doing the Para Para hand movements, the guys are actually better than the girls! I asked a girl where she learnt her hand movements from, and she said “Neh! From those guys there on the podium!”
Its amazing. These are guys that dressed and looked like your average handphone shop Ah Bengs. When they stepped up onto the podiums they become gods. And the hundreds of revellers worship the podiums they stood on.
Linda and I tried doing the Para Para hand movements, but we ended up looking like a deaf and a mute talking to each other.
Out of no where, this 40+ year old uncle wearing leather pants, jacket and sunglasses climbed onto the podium and started “dancing”. By “dancing” I mean squatting, pointing and turning his head slowly.
At first I thought he’s Zouk’s head of security trying to catch people snapping photos in the club (like me). But when I saw the whole club literally stopped to watch and cheer him on, I knew he must be someything. It’s unbelievable, bunch of 19 year old kids cheering on a high school principal lookalike.
We left around 2:30am that night for some Fish Meehoon Soup at River Valley. Linda still looking hot as ever. I didn’t sleep the night before, which is why I looked like a male version of Furong Jiejie.
Andrea Fonseka at Attica
There’s something I don’t like about Attica. It’s evil. The air of pretentiousness is so thick you could cut it with a knife.
This is probably the only club in Singapore where 90% of the males are expats, and 90% of the females are trying to get in their pants their attention. It is a very discomforting sight.
I’m not saying all girls who go to Attica are bad. There’s a line between looking sexy and slutty, and the lengths some of the girls go to left me dumbfounded. Like that Thai girl who had a dollar note stuffed inside her cleavage by this Italian guy.
I don’t know aye, I reckon she’s trying a little too hard perhaps? I prefer the Zouk crowd anytime.
Anyway, the reason I was there was because after that Foot in Mouth incident, Lena wanted me to judge Andrea Fonseka for myself, to see if I might change my opinion about her.
Nabeh. It’s supposed to be MY ARMS around the girl’s shoulder, not the other way round!
What can I say? I guess the TV does add extra pounds on her.
This former Miss Malaysia is bloody tall. Andrea Fonseka looks statuesque in her cheongsam and she effortlessly exudes this aura of confidence and exquisiteness that make people weak in the knees. It’s a little intimidating , especially when you witness the power she wields.
Andrea not only managed to get me into Attica without paying cover, she got me through to the members-only Attica Too and even into this atas private lounge where a birthday party was taking place. They must really love her there I guess.
Even with her apparent elitism, Andrea has no problems showing her quirky crazy side. This is one fun-loving, and her group of friends she introduced to me that night was class act. Thanks for being a great host, Andrea! 🙂
Lena was right, Andrea Fonseka isn’t as bad as the angry mob made her out to be. That said, I still cannot comment on how she looks like in a bikini though, so we might have to arrange for a private show next time.
UnXpected Live at Wala Wala
Wala Wala is this fun pub in Holland Village popular for their live bands.
I wanted to watch The UnXpected perform, partially because I’ve heard so much about them, but mainly because I know girls who lust NOT for their drummer Brandon, but for their lead singer Shirlyn.
Yes Shirlyn, as if us men don’t have enough competition already.
One song from them, and I knew the reason why Wala Wala was so crowded on weekends that authorities had to step in to prevent overcrowding.
The band rocks and Shirlyn is hot. Her voice is a cross between Jewel and Sheryl Crow and Shakira, and it really works well with the contemporary rock songs the UnXpected is famous for.
My camera flash fired so much that night, Shirlyn forgot her lyrics and Brandon dropped his sticks. I should’ve known. The UnXpected are ROBOTS!
Check out the video clips from the night. You’ll need to install DivX to watch the downloaded clips.
- “You Shook Me All Night Long” (Download clip | Watch in Google Video)
- “These Dreams” (Download clip | Watch in Google Video)
- “Shining Like A Star (???)” (Download clip | Watch in Google Video)
There’s more of their music here.
I seem to get myself into trouble everytime I step foot into Singapore, and my last trip was no different. The Cowboy Barflies I hung out with were a happening bunch, but something happened that made the night more memorable than SPG’s set of tits.
I’m not allowed to say who. Let’s just say someone had too much alcohol, and decided to give me a souvenir in the form of the Scarlett Ting Strawberry Milkshake Treatment. Only difference is, I didn’t get the luxury of strawberry milkshake, just a cold carton Marigold UHT milk.
I laughed out loud when Shirlyn described him as the Incredible Hulk ‘cos I can certainly see the uncanny resemblence.
So here’s what happened.
Yeah. I dig Singapore’s nightlife… sometimes.
Behind The Scenes At the mrbrown show Podcasts
Download: the mrbrown show Podcast: “Causeway to Kuching” (MP3, 7.2MB, 20m48s)
Topics: Zouk, Kuching clubbing scene, tetno music, origin of Kuching’s name, “what do you call KL-ians?”, tallest building in Kuching, “how do you guys know about Kuching?”, Singapore children now getting taller, Azahari the bomb expert, Miyagi’s army stories from Australia, someone shat on the road, Kuching Kangaroo, Zouk’s water tap.
Subscribe: the mrbrownshow XML feed
Video: Behind The Scenes at “the mrbrown show”
- Full Version Very Clear One (MOV, 82.7MB, 6m10s)
- Pirated Version Not-So-Clear One (WMV, 16.5MB, 6m10s)
- Watch on Google Video
Podcasting is set to revolutionise FM radio the same way MP3 technology revolutionised the music industry. Ever since I acquired the iPod nano, I find myself literally hooked on podcasts and have more or less stopped listening to local radio stations altogether.
I always wonder what goes on behind the scenes at the mrbrown show podcasts. On my last trip to Singapore I was lucky enough to not just appear on the show, but to have the man himself explain to me what went on behind recording and publishing your very own internet radio show.
Equipment-wise, the bare minimum you require is a microphone connected to your computer. But Mr Brown is a bit gung-ho about sound quality, so he made some significant investments acquiring two ice cream cone-like microphones (with stands), a DJ-like set of headphones, a flynet-like pop-guard and a mixer deck that looks like it’s gonna explode if I chin chai press any button on it.
Writeboard – the online collaborative software used to prepare for the mrbrown show podcasts.
Surprisingly, very little work went on behind preparing for the show. Comedy skits like the Zhng My Car series require a bit more work though. For Zhng My Car, Brown and Miyagi would collaborate over Writeboard, where the gist of the script took shape and they can review it individually at work or at home without meeting up face-to-face.
In most cases, Brown and Miyagi simply get together and brainstorm for a few topics an hour before actual recording. Brainstorming was full of laughter and stupid jokes with those two around (check out the video link at the end of this entry). Almost all their shows were done in one take with very little editing effort going into post-production.
For sound-recording and post-editing, Brown uses Apple Garageband on his iMac G4. Any other sound recording software should work just as fine though.
I was nervous as hell throughout the recording, fumbling my lines in more ways than one. Brown was reassuring to me, “Don’t worryyy! If you mess up we will help you out one!”
To him, doing an internet radio show is almost his second nature. In fact, as you will see in the video later, the only time he fumbled was when he did the intro and outro of the show.
After recording, all that’s left to be done is save the MP3 file, upload it, then publish it on the World Wide Web.
Podcasting is not my niche, but I sure had lots of fun recording the mrbrown show (perhaps more fun than the audience who listened to the podcasts). I totally enjoyed myself and I’m sure they did too.
Thanks again, Brown and Miyagi, for inviting me onto the show!
Download: the mrbrown show Podcast: “Causeway to Kuching” (MP3, 7.2MB, 20m48s)
Fight Club At Orchard Underpass
It was by all signs an ordinary Saturday night at the Orchard Road underpass.
Throngs of everyday people were minding their own business walking through the underground walkway situated between Wisma Atria and CK Tang’s. On the walls, the rolling posters burr noisily when they change. A middle-aged busker on keyboards, a seemingly permanent fixture of the Orchard Road underpass, was singing Christmas Carol’s in his signature monotonous tone.
I missed what exactly happened, but it was the resulting commotion caught my attention.
“Call the police! CALL THE POLICE! CALL!!!” yelled the man on the left.
I stopped my footsteps immediately. My face turned ghost white.
What did I do wrong? Was it the pirated DVDs I brought in from Johor? Could it be the packet of chewing gums I had in my pocket? Maybe he reads my blog and didn’t like me putting up pictures of durian terrorists shouting God’s name in vain.
I looked over to his direction.
The man was yelling at this blind visually-impaired woman (must be politically-correct in my blog nowsaday, y’know? Don’t want some visually-impaired people to “read” my blog and think that I have something against blind people. I believe it was a great poet from ancient China who once said ‘With great power comes great responsibility’. Or was that a quote from Spiderman 1?)
The woman must be peeing in her pants because the man was shouting at a volume 100 decibels above the human hearing threshold, and this was in an underpass so you can imagine how loud he was. All this while she was mumbling nervously and pointing her walking stick towards the man’s face, though I doubt it’s gonna help much since, like, she cannot see?
By then, a large crowd has already gathered around the two. Even the uncle playing on keyboard grew sick of the confrontation and said “Oi. You two want to fight go home and fight lah. Don’t come here and fight, make everybody unhappy.”
And with that, he nonchalantly sang Santa Claus Is Coming To Town, much to my amusement.
At one point, the woman kicked the man’s guitar till it fell on the ground. To his credit, the man didn’t do anything back against the woman. He just talked, thus proving correct the theory that all men are “No Action, Talk Only”.
Before I knew it, a plain-clothed detective showed up and separated the two.
With no free show left to watch, the crowd slowly dispersed. I too, quietly slipped a note into the busker’s donation box before disappearing together with the crowd. Don’t wanna get caught red-handed with chewing gums in my pocket, ya know?
Download Fight Club at Orchard Underpass Video. (MOV, 3.2MB, 14s)
Smell My Car Zhng
Download the mrbrown show Podcast (guest-starring Kenny Sia):
“Zhng My Car – Part 2” (MP3, 6.9MB, 19m48s)
I’m a big fan of the mrbrown show.
In case you’ve been living under the rock, Mr Brown is one of Singaporean blogosphere’s most influential persona. It was actually him who first introduced kennysia.com to the Singaporean audience after ‘brown-ing’ one of my earlier posts. The mrbrown show is of course, a highly entertaining internet audio show hosted by Mr Brown and Mr Miyagi.
One of their comedy skits titled “Zhng My Car” received over 40,000 downloads recently, officially making Brown and Miyagi the most boh-liao people coming out of Singapore since Jack Neo and Moses Lim.
So anyway, I touched down Singapore yesterday morning and Brown sent me a message telling me they’ll be recording the sequel to “Zhng My Car” that evening. I was excited of course. I didn’t want to miss the chance appearing on his show, so I pleaded with Brown to give me just a small two-liner cameo role in his skit.
But Brown Cow had better plans. And it wasn’t until I arrived at the “studio” at Miyagi’s pad that I realised he didn’t just want me to do CAMEO. He wanted me to GUEST STAR the entire Zhng My Car show instead! WAH LIEW!
I didn’t even know what to say! Brown and Miyagi are seasoned veterans of the show so they had little trouble getting into character quickly. Me? I sound worse than Michael Jackson on helium.
With only a few minutes to prepare, I was told the gist of the show, wrote down some key lines to say, and then improvise with the rest. In fact, everything you hear in that episode was done in one take. That’s why you can hear me stutter, speak too fast and majorly screw up my lines like only I can.
Recording the podcast was damn nervewrecking experience but it sure was helluva lot of fun. Watch out for me in the next episode of the mrbrown show, where we talked about my hometown Kuching.
Meanwhile if you haven’t yet already done so, download and listen to the original “Zhng My Car” episode. Then catch me joining Brown and Miyagi in the latest most newest episode of the mrbrown show – Download “Zhng My Car – PART TWO”
Apple iPod Nano Review
Steve Jobs is a marketing genius and a bastard.
I KNOW I don’t need a portable MP3 player. I know I don’t need it because I don’t travel often, I don’t take public transport in Kuching, and I’ve already spent a lot upgrading my car’s stereo.
Apple iPods are pieces of overrated, overpriced audio gadgets. All Apple products are. They bloody cost twice as much as other products in its class and only do half their job. Yet I’m still willing to part with my hard-earned cash to buy it, and I have no idea why. They said when you truly love someone (or something), there’s no need to explain it.
The 4GB iPod nano costs RM1269 in KL, SGD$448 (RM999) in Singapore, RMB2599 (RM1215) in Shanghai and AUD$359 (RM1022) in Australia. I got mine from Perth for AUD$326 (RM929) after GST Refund.
I wanted the white one because I’m pure and innocent like a virgin, but the entire city’s supply went out of stock when I was there. It’s a good thing I got lucky with the salesman at the Perth AppleCentre. (Wait, that sounded kinda wrong…)
The iPod nano is small alright. So small in fact that you can just slide it in your wallet and still leave space for some coins, credit cards and condoms. It’s not as small compared to the iPod Shuffle, but at least it has a colour screen and a click wheel.
A lot of people warned me that the iPod nano scratches easily and that it’s screen might crack under pressure. Having used the iPod for 2 weeks, I can honestly say that that’s not true.
Don’t take my word for it though. These crazy idiots had the guts to put it through their very own ‘stress test’ just to see what it takes to kill an iPod nano.
Things that make grown men cry.
One thing I noticed is that the back of the iPod nano stains really bad. Not sure why, but I hope its not because I’ve been putting Vaseline on my hands too much.
The iPods’ audio quality may be so-so, but their strength lies in the smooth interfacing with their iTunes software. No other software on the market organises your massive database of MP3 files as good as iTunes. You can even set different equaliser presets for each of your files if you want.
The iPod nano comes with extra features similar to what modern mobile phones have.
Personally, I like the photo-viewing feature best. The screen size is too small to do anything useful, but navigating through thousands of photos with the clickwheel is a breeze. Transferring photos is a no brainer – just set the folder you want to sync it with and the iTunes software will take care of the rest. Now you can watch pr0n on the go!
Podcasts – radio of the 21st century. I subscribe to the mrbrown show and Perth’s 92.9
The iPod nano may be expensive but no doubt it is THE trendsetter in portable MP3 industry. All the marketing hype and it lives up to it. Others can try and they can only achieve second best.
It’s like comparing Proton with Porsche. Both perform the same function, but people are still going to spend serious cash to purchase the status, the prestige and the coconuts associated with the latter.
Salivate now, mere mortals. 😉