If a guy fancies a girl, should he just go ahead and make a move on her?
I used to believe that, yes. Men should definitely make the first move.
Get her number. Ask her out on a date. Whatever. That’s what movies like The Notebook, Titanic and (God forbid) American Pie taught us right?
After all, men are supposed to the bolder, more aggressive sex. We should take the initiative. And if we failed, what have we got to lose?
If you lose face, you can always go to The Face Shop and buy some face
As it turns out that, actually we have A LOT to lose.
If a guy makes a move on a girl and she turns him down, the guy loses face. But that’s not it.
Because what normally happens is that the girl would go back to her pack of girlfriends, and then she’d go, “Like, oh my god. You won’t believe just what happened. Did you, like, see that guy over there, like, make a move on me? He was like, totally ewww. I was, like, just sitting there and he’s like, ‘Hey, can I like buy you a drink?’ and I was like ‘No wayyyy, I’m too cool for you!’ Like, whateva!”
Then they’d all giggle among themselves while you stand there looking like an idiot.
Like this
Ok, I’m generalising and maybe it doesn’t always happen exactly that way, but it’s close enough.
My point is, everytime a guy makes a move on a girl, not only do we stand to face rejection, we also have to face ridicule and embarrassment from our friends AND her friends if we get turned down.
We get accused of being perverts, desperados, going for someone out of our league (I get that a lot). We can’t even touch or initiate light physical contact to show her our interest.
What’s worse, if we fail, next time she’ll start avoiding us. And next time you bump into her and her friends, you can’t help but to think that she’ll be whispering to her friends “Hey, that’s the guy who asked me out on a date. What a loser.”
I will never forget the time back in high school when I wrote a love letter to a girl I had a crush on and confessed my feelings. Not only did she not reply, she took my letter and passed it around everyone in class while they laughed at my bad handwriting.
To be fair, I looked like this back in the days
Then I had a think about it, and I came up with a BRILLIANT idea. Call it controversial or whatever, but hear me out.
Instead of girls waiting for guys to approach them, and turning them down if they are not up to your standards… Why can’t GIRLS be the one making the first move?
Do you know why there are so many single men and women around?
It is PRECISELY because girls do not make the first move at all! All they do is sit around waiting for Brad Pitt to fall from the sky and propose to them.
See, THAT is the difference between guys and girls.
When a guy sees a girl he likes, he drums up his courage and approaches the girl hoping to get a ‘yes’ from her.
When a girl sees a guy she likes, what does she do? Flip her hair around a bit, uncrosses her legs, adjusts her top a little… that doesn’t mean anything to us! How the heck do we know if you’re trying to send flirty signals to us, or if the room aircond is not working?
That’s why I say, girls should totally approach guys they fancy and make the first move.
I reckon most guys won’t have the heart to reject a girl’s advances anyway. And even if they do, you won’t see us going back to our mates and gossip all over you. It’s just not “the man thing” to do.
So girls, go ahead and ask him out. Get his number. Touch him.
No more waiting to be approached. No more subtle hints. No more confusion. It makes life so much easier.
Besides, it’s the new millennium. Women are much more independant now, right?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Nicole and I disagreed, but what do you reckon? Should girls make the first move?
Feel free to comment ‘cos thanks to HUGO Fragrances, I got a bottle each of the latest HUGO XY EDT 100ml for him or HUGO XX EDT 100ml for her to reward the best male and female commenters. Contest is open to all Malaysian residents and ends midnight 25th October.To be eligible, just fill out your e-mail address when commenting.
This entry is brought to you by HUGO XY for him & HUGO XX for her – Harmony is overrated.
A lil disclaimer: All opinions expressed here are strictly of my own and do not reflect that of HUGO Fragrances. In other words, if you’re offended reading this blog, don’t take it out on HUGO Fragrances. Take it out on me. *cracks fists*
guy should take the first move.. although it contradicts with “lady’s first”..
It depends if I’m desperate enough~ if he looks like Brad Pitt what the heck! I’ll give it a go!
In fact I was the one who made the first move with my boyfriend~
If I waited for him *pheesh* we would still be msn-ing wondering if we like each other or not~!
DO IT PEOPLE~! buwahaha
lol. so farnyyyyy~~~
girls should make the 1st move….cuz girl naturally very sampat wan ma…sure tell every1 if she menolak the boy…but boys diff…=D
i forgot my email.. =p
Well, even if the guys should make the first move, the girls should at least give some reasonable hints. It’s not like the guy can read the girl’s mind. Maybe she could be curling her hair, hoping for the other guy that is standing right behind him or something.
Like what Kenny said it’s true that if the girl don’t have interest in that particular guy, she’ll like generalize that poor guy with all the negative thoughts (pervert lar, trying too hard larr, yet they themselves not that perfect also). Maybe girls in general are more egoistic than guys when it comes to making first contact with the opposite gender. Come on girls, just be more friendly (unless they are irritating the hell out of you). It’s not like you have to marry him by showing some positive respond.
I don’t think girls should make the first move in Asia. Why?
There’s a rabid double standard in Asia. Though this double standard exists in the West as well, nowhere does it burn more strongly than in Asia.
A boy can muck around and sow his wild oats, everyone is somewhat ‘understanding’ of his position. Finally, he can settle down with a ‘nice girl’ who never got the chance to do the exact same thing he did, who’s lied to and cheated by a guy who has had his fill of smut and sin, and finally settles down with some virgin girl to ‘bear the children’. Selfish, self-obsessed and very, very cheap shot.
While a girl who does the same thing the boy does is ostracized, talked about behind her back, and doesn’t get the same ‘nice boy’ the guy can readily pick and choose from plenty of double standard families who practice the same thing.
Fathers make sure their daughters are ‘clean’ and their sons are free to wreak havoc. This cycle is further perpetuated. It’s sickening.
Men should be real men, shape up and stop thinking one head at a time. It’s time to be real men, and just take responsibility for the crap they shove around.
They should stop expecting girls to conform to their sickening double standard. So stop being such ninnies and for goodness sake just ask the girl out and stop hoping for girls to ask you out so that you can get her to pay for your date (ever heard of double-dutching?) and get her to *want* to sleep with you or chio you, PLEASE!
haiz part of why its so good to be a guy is that we get to CHOOSE our girls. thats why the girl a guy is with always ends up way hotter than him. girls that make the first move on u will probably be uglier than u la…u want ugly girl meh?
i can totally understand where you’re coming from mate. been there, done that.
However, i still think that despite all of that, us GUYS should still make the first move. I see it as a personal challenge.. to see if I do have what it takes and/or if i need to brush up on certain dating skills. Women are attracted to confidence. They can sniff it the minute you walk into the club/room. If you just gonna sit and wait, then chances are, that girl’s gonna be scooped by another guy who has bigger balls than you. Waddya have to lose?
So set the ego aside, be confident and do-the-right-thing. =)
I totally agree with you, Kenny! xD
I don’t see any reasons that a girl should not ask a guy out if she is interested. Like what you said, it’s the new millenium. Girls wants to be seen as equals whether at home or at work. Both area females had proven to be quite successful. So why not take another step further? Who knows, maybe females are much better than males in asking the other gender out on a date?
girl first or boy first also no problem la…gossip so wat? most important is we tried. At least we know we got them or not.
Otherwise, down the road 20yrs, we would have this “I should have been that Datin so and so if i had made the move”….lols
Oi, i’ve developed the theory of the greater loss:
If a guy makes the first move, he’s a desperado/loser. If a girl makes the first move, she’s cheap/easy.
If a guy is a desperado/loser, he’ll still be able to ‘get’ a woman because of the 9 girl: 1 guy ratio. If a girl is labelled cheap/easy, because of the 1:9 ratio theory AND the society’s unwritten, conventional outlook on ‘women-who-makes-the-first-moves’, she will end up umarried, wrinkled and childless. So what if a guy is labelled desperado/loser, at worst, he can always be the world’s greatest blogger (pun intended) ;p – no offense, KS.
thus, conclusion, it’s far difficult being a woman. Bastards, want us to give birth somemore want us to make the first move. Women will make the first move when you guys are willing to have a friggin’ crying ball of being crawling out of your asses!
People tell me that women often confuse men with our emotions, signals and such. As for who should make the first move, it depends on the individual, really.
Women should save these Men the extra trouble by explicitly rebuffing unwanted approaches, to firmly state a strong, simple NO instead of saying YES to avoid further disturbances. I know it is difficult to do. Just as rapport building has a good reputation, explicitness applied by women in this culture has a terrible reputation. A woman who is clear and precise is viewed as cold, or a bitch, or both.
There are some people who are known to view females as the cheaper, more desperate, immoral kind when we make the first move. However, if some of the XX species have SPINES and could care less about what the hoi polloi has to say, she will make her move on her man, regardless of what they have to say. This, I find respectable, brave, and honorable.
There are also lots of single women in the world who have yet to spontaneously combust due to the lack of the presence of a penis. On a side note, it annoys me to see women and girls pretend they couldn’t find the business end of a power drill or a spatula as if it was lodged in their brain stems just to stroke male egos. Girls, you are not useless. Deal with it.
If you see a man you have your eyes on, GO FOR HIM. Do not sit around whining and drowning in your own little shallow pool of delusional hope that someday a prince will come proposing on your door with his white horse.
As for certain stereotypes of guys who are are always complaining and whining about how they cannot get a girlfriend or a partner, STOP fucking whining and maybe DO SOMETHING for a change? Like.. actually MAKING THE MOVE? Dumbass. You know what your problem is and how to solve it. If you don’t do anything about it, your loss. You’ve got no sympathy from any of us females.
Often do we hear Couldn’t, wouldn’t, mustn’t, shouldn’t from the mouths of either females and males when asked to make the first move. WRONG! – Those words are the laments of the spineless. The right way should be I can and I will, but not because I must or I should!
For example:
Sad, depressed, timid, clingy, desperate little Peter may have an obvious crush on a female; and yes he agrees with everything she has to say. But sexy, confident Johnny has the GUTS to ask her out; and that really makes all the difference. People are wrong: The size of a man’s penis is unimportant. What matters is how big his balls are.
So for guys who are always only *THINKING* of making the first move but NEVER seem to get there, maybe its time to actually PUT your balls in your pants and USE THEM for once.
girls,if your confidence level is rock solid,u’ve a strong personality,open-minded & adventurous,then i say,go for it!
i’ve met & gone out with different men & yes,i was the one who made the first move.what have u got to lose anyway?
by the way Kenny,i met u at KLIA yesterday 😉
read your post. and i just have to disagree… see, not every girl does what u say… if they are matured enough, she’ll just say no in a good way and thats it. or she’ll offer to be friends or for u to get to know her better.. i know thats what i’ll do..
asking girls to make the first move is not entirely wrong…… IF the girl has the guts.. see, girls mature faster than guys. and sometimes when a girl make the first move, even though the guy has the same feelings but being influence by his friends, he might just turned the girl down, spread stuff about her to his friends and show the messages she sent to him… making her the laughing stock of her his friends. that aint so nice right?
some girls tend to make the first move.. like my friend, she ALWAYS makes the first move on guys and not once did she get accepted. in fact, one of the guy that she like even asked me to act as his girlfriend (since i rejected him) just to shake her off…
in my opinion.. guys who make the first move will definitely benefit more instead of waitin for girls to make the first move. like u said, how the hell are we girls supposed to know if the guy is interested?
— he teased u?
— play with u?
and then when u thought that u had it all figured out. he flat out reject u..hmmm.. =) i’m saying this from experience… i’ve also witness stuff like this happening… so… thats about it.. hahahah.. its like i’m writing an essay huh.. =D
ahh~ the battle of the sexes yet again 😉
For Guys: It’s kinda right what Kenny says. Besides, i think *not stereotyping here* AngMohs are more to the guy-buys-girl-drink-in-bar thingy. The best thing to do is to LOOK-SEE and decide if the girl is the ‘gossiping’ type or not lar~ Usually, girls that are not interested won’t adjust their tops and uncross their legs purposely. ;D
For Gurls: It happens sometimes that girls ask guys out. It’s a pretty good idea too, since guys are sometimes as clueless as…clueless. 😀
My Verdict: When u First met, Girls do the asking is better. BUT! When in a relationship, Guys should be the one with ideas X)
*p.s. i’m no expert
time to make a move on kenny ^^
I think there is nothing wrong for the girl to make the first move. One cannot forever wait the guy to approach. What if the guy you like doesn’t like you? So, you wait? How long you want to wait???
It’s also better to get it over with fast. The longer you wait, the more hurt you’ll get. It’s true. Just tell him you like him. Maybe he fancies you too. If he rejects you, then too bad la.. life goes on.
And I agree that guys are not as ‘kepo’ as girls.. say if you ask some guy out and was rejected, they generally don’t go around telling people that the girl asked him out.
However(not trying to contradict what I was saying before),girls are more shy than guys. That’s a fact, despite nowadays most girls are more independent. It would still be nicer for guys to be making the first move. Hehe..
Guys definitely should make the first move, PERIOD.
Any guy who doesn’t have the courage to go up to a girl and ask her out is a plain wuss. You want your woman, you get your butt off the fantasy couch and just ask her out.
Of course, before you even think about asking her, you must ask yourself what are your chances. Put yourself in her shoes. Why should she go out with a punk like yourself ? Give yourself 10 good reasons (if you can’t reach 5, then don’t even bother!).
This part goes out to the ladies. If a guy comes along and asks you out (nicely), for goodness sake, give him a break. If you are planning on rejecting him, do it gently. There’s no need for sarcasm or harsh words, just be sincere, firm but direct.
I’ve seen enough cases where the girl actually does the asking and now they are happily married. So ladies, there’s no harm in doing your part either. Others will just perceive you as being assertive, willing to take control and standing up for your man (which can be quite a turn on for some).
As Bob Marley aptly puts it, “No woman, no life”. Have a good day and thanks for wasting 2 mins of your time.
Now get back to work ! 🙂
there is no should or shouldnt in making first move..but if u feel lik making it or when u really cant wait for it
why dont u juz do it?..no matter guy or girl
so wheres ur gut ppl??…=D
KENNY!
I just confessed today to this guy that I’ve liked for 5 months =D
Turns out that he liked me too.
I’M DAMN HAPPY!
How apt your post is.
“And even if they do, you won’t see us going back to our mates and gossip all over you. It’s just not “the man thing” to do.”
very wrong..
when i was in the U, i casually said i like some guy. when this guy found out bout it somehow, he shunned me like wat.. ei hallo, i simply say say only, what for you so serious?!
somehow his friends all knew bout it and i got teased a lot. and now, i dun even wanna bump into him on the street!
if the situation of your-crush-telling-his/her-mates happens, the gal is more likely to be ridiculed cuz the gals aren’t supposed to make the first move (as per society’s norm) !
so gals making the first move will lose double face.. i object!
eh-hem, if brad pitt comes along.. now that’s a different story…
guy or girl…
to me it doesn’t matter whichever side it is, the world should be fair but then sadly most of the time it isn’t.
relationships should not be taken as a game because it involves feelings and emotions. hearts that have been broken are hard to mend for some people. to those people out there who doesn’t take relationships seriously shame on you.
when a person makes the first move it usually involves a lot of courage especially if its the first time for that person. everybody is scared of being rejected and also the fear of being put to shame.
although many would think that a girl would be hurt easily and thats why a guy should make the first move, but then it doesn’t mean that guys won’t get hurt too. well ‘generally’ guys should be able to handle their rejections better but not every guy is like that. there are always exceptions and not everyone is the same, just because some are different doesn’t mean that they are weaker or better than others, its just that we are different in some or many ways.
Well, i would say that guys should make the first move to get the girl’s number first if the guy really wants to know the girl better. come on guys, you were given balls for a reason right?
and for girls who likes a guy, if giving quite a number of hints to that guy isn’t enough to make him express his feelings towards you then either that guy doesn’t want the relationship or that that guy is not sensitive enough to understand you. i won’t suggest that girls should make the first move unless you really really want that guy so much.
i would also like to make a request to all guys and girls out there, please don’t intentionally hurt the other’s feelings. it may be fun to do so but then you wouldn’t want someone to ruin your life and to be played as a toy by others do you?
i would say… guys make the first move!!!
yeah!
I’m the kind of girl who loves to be noticed, i mean, who doesn’t?
But sadly, other than having a boyfriend for 5 years, males courting me / buying me drinks/ complete strangers complementing me for my looks….my 10 fingers are sufficient enough to do the calculation. and those 10 fingers include all times since birth till 22 years of mine.
Somebody?
Buy me drinks please?
HAHAHAHAHA. nicole’s ur model now…
In this day and age, I believe women are ALREADY making the first moves.
In fact, women who make the first move are no longer viewed as “desperate” or “aggresive” but “sexy” and “confident of herself”.
In all honesty, I believe women have more guts than men and are better at small talk so the odds for women to make the first move is obvious.
– ‘Nuff said.
i say it’s an equal fair share. i actually agree that at times women should make the first move. i’ve done it and i’m still stuck with the person. well, that doesn’t mean the men get to sit back and kick off their shoes and hope to God a woman asks him out. please do the poor woman a favour and drop some hints. for example a smile instead of a killer come hither cover line macho look. applies for women too (not the macho part). batting your eyelashes or making sure you’re pretty like a hindi movie doesn’t exactly make it clear to men. so both ways if you’re interested with the right signals and no not by scaring someone with a bad come hither look it might just work. so i guess at the end it depends who’s got the courage to make the first move after dropping them hints.
and no doesn’t mean that i made the first move i’m wearing the pants in the relationship. haha.
i have my opinions but i think i’ll keep it for my own post.. hehe.. btw.. this post here n the one nicole posted are both contradicting each other.. is this a contest of sorts? cheers
In this era, there is nothing wrong with a girl making the 1st move. I believe in creating your own opportunity and grabbing the happiness that come along. If one just sit and wait, it will never happen. You cant force someone to accept you. But of course, you will never know if you never confess.
The main thing is, as long as there is “feel”, just go along. Treat some1 whole heartedly. Even if things dont work out, you learn something. And when the next relationship come, you know better what to do.
My view = both man and woman can make a 1st move. As long as you are interested in that man / woman . Grab your own happiness. If you dont put in effort for your own lifelong happiness, nobody will. Ask your mum to get your husband / wife?? sorry..this is year 2007
i think it depends. but i seriously think girls can make the first move. nothing to lose if the guy is like so nice and caring and all that. i do that sometimes. and it does work. but we girls do get rejected too sometimes. it takes two to tango anyway. right?
4 words are enough to state my point.
Adam came before Eve. =)
whoever is interested in d other person 1st should make the first move and not wait there for the sky to drop u his or her handphone number… Gudness… Girls should stop hinting too… Guys should juz go ahead and ask and do not use any pick up lines.. they suck so much.. lol.. tht’s all i’m gonna say i guess…
Girls dont necessarily have to make the first move by asking the number or trying to act all flirty. I think girls could just approach a guy that they think the guy might be able to ‘click’ with them by just making friends first.. starting a conversation.. if not ngam later mah stop contacting each other as a friend lor.. both also nothing to lose at all..
anyway kenny, if only lar i got that perfume from hugo ar, im sure all the girls will make their first move on me whaahahahha!
Actually, I think I agree with Kenny’s opinion that girls should make the first move. Most guys are usually too far interested in the girl’s looks (for college guys), to actually realize they like a different girl. So the girl in a sense, is more mature and should know who they like and make a move for it. However, here in Malaysia, we have been so accustomed to seeing movies where they condition our thinking where the guys are the ones who ask the girls out that having a girl ask a guy out is rare.
I myself have been first to make a move on one of my exes. So, yea, it was hard at the time to actually be the one to make the first move, but he was just such a blur person that if I waited any longer, I think I might have just grown a beard.
Well, that’s my take on this.
Personally i think that if you want a girl to approach you, you’ll need to play your own cards right. You need to send out the right signals to show that you’re not just like any other guys that have approached her before and ended up being someone who wasnt worth the trouble at all. Agree?
Girls can send out subtle signals..why cant we guys do the same? But of course, we havta learn to pick up on signals as well.
And obviously its all context dependent, some girls know what they want and they go for it..so there are actually girls out there who approach guys whom they are interested in. While some girls need to be “nudged” before they are willing to make a move.
So what we need to understand is what they are looking for, and to show them that you’re different..because obviously, even us guys dont go for girls that seem mediocre to us.
Now is already 2007, stop living in the past. Both gender should make try to make the first move if he/she is really interested.
Guys should make the first move. That’s how it has always been and its more romantic that way. Since all girls dream about are being the princess in some fairy tale with prince charming proposing.
And are you sure about guys not gossiping with his friends that a girl has just asked him out? I’m sure guys with their super huge ego will go boast around that a girl had just hit on him..a hot one that is.
Maybe coz you guys are tired of being rejected that’s why pushing the responsibility on us girls now.haha
girls or guys making the initial move is an equal fuzz..
to hell wit couples, let’s just stay single forever!
life is too short for second guesses and cheesey pickup lines. go for it girls – grab life by the balls!
Gosh. I’m think a guy. I always make the 1st move lor.. =(
I’ll rather find someone I like than wait for someone I don’t like. Waste of time..
Hey, go to Nicole’s blog for a better chance to win the prize!!
At the time of writing this, she only has 7 comments as aopposed to kenny’s 42.
Hm… I still thinking guy shud make the first move but it still depends rite? Some of the guys might be freaking out by the gals who make the first move. But, some guys just to shy to ask the number from the gals. So, it just depends. =) I m the kind of gal who will sit back n wait for the guys approach to me. But, i will be aggressive once i think we are in the right channel. lol! Somehow, i had been turned down by someone. So sad~
Absolutely! We’ve gone past the days where only guys do the work. If women have come so far as to have Destiny’s Child sing a song about “Independent Women”, what’s the difficulty in saying “Hey, I like you”? Save the trouble and uncertainty, just let us know!!!
What about boy-boy or girl-girl relationships?
I make the first move on my boyfriend, telling him over the phone that i like him…hehe…now, we’re living together and it’s great!
Yeah, if a girl likes a guy…why not make the 1st move…later if kena rampas by other girl then no chance liaw lor….
ok here’s the deal. gender stereotypes aside, there’s always the fear of being humiliated and rejected.
i guess reading the signals before or during the first move is made might help, and then cutting your losses if it doesnt go your way, or trying to act nonchalant if it does, may help you salvage some dignity when you’re putting yourself out there.
maybe in asia especially, its quite a risk to take to go up to a complete stranger and ask for a number because A) people tend to have a defensive stance to strangers and B) if you looked like kenny in his younger days…aih..the gods of dating be with you (sorry la kenny :P)
the stakes are high when you take such a chance by making the proverbial FIRST MOVE, but at least you’ll know, right? rather than let that fly girl/guy pass you by and wonder about it. it wont exactly help if your mates are there egging you on to do something.
and if your mates are there egging you on, they’ll help you pick yourself up and move on. its nothing tragic, it just wasnt your game that day. plenty more chances.
time and place also plays a part. maybe you’d have a good chance picking someone up if you were walking a cute friendly dog (there are ppl who do that) and it works too. but if you’re smashed on booze and your breath stinks of alcohol…may the gods of dating help you still.
being genuine is a BIG plus. please dont say things like “is that a ladder in your tights or is that a stairway to heaven?” cause if you do, you deserve to get giggled at by a whole crew of giggly girls.
i agree with you kenny. Girls should take the first move. Guys losing face is like losing their future but not for the girls.
Hehe… I can’t help but agree with you on this one, Kenny. I wish girls would take the first move, coz I as hell won’t… 😛
this must be a sign cuz this happened to me last saturday at a club.hahah.personally,i’m rejection phobic which is basically the reason i don’t make the first move(and also cuz of a really bad experience.heh).in fact,i much prefer if guys always made the first move.there is truth in both sides, but i’m thinking that we’re still stuck in the chivalrous era of ‘men-MUST-make-the-first-move-otherwise-you’re-ghey’.although some guys may be open to it,some may not and this insecurity kinda hinders us girls.however,i did make the first move on my last boyf so i do take chances sometimes.heheh.i don’t think guys are losers when they approach me even though they’re ugly-ass cuz it definitely takes balls to approach a random chiq.although,it all comes down to good looks or good charisma cuz no one likes a fug with no personality.hahah.besides,if guys get rejected,their ego might be a little bruised and you’re probably never gonna see that bitch again.who wants a gossipy air-head anyway?but for girls,we get emotionally bruised(for awhile) and we lose confidence cuz we deeply indulge in chivalry(sadly).besides,you’re better off being a rejected loser/desperado than a rejected AND easy slut.in the end,its a give-and-take situation depending on the individual.sometimes guys give,but most of the time girls take.unbalanced,but not tragic.eventhough us ‘women’ wanna be treated like equals,we’re really still little girls inside^_~
no stress..just chillax..gossiping is not THAT traumatizing.just have a little patience for us to embrace the ‘new woman’.it should come sooner than you know judging by the influence this blog has=)
xoxo
despite asking her phone number or asking her out,guys you still have plenty of way when approaching a girl u want(if you cant accept rejection from girl)for example you can start flirting by asking direction.Regarding who should make first move,i thing man should make a first move cause its thier nature to do that unless they nat man enough.
I don’t think getting rejected definitely means you’ll lose face. First, if a guy has the balls to walk up to a girl, he should have been prepared to take NO for an answer. I personally disagree with using pick-up lines. Its corny. Guys, be creative, try to instigate interest for her to actually talk to you before asking if you could take her out etc etc. One more important thing why I disagree that women should make the first move (although I am a guy) is because, guys, like many have commented on, would have their balls swell to the size of coconuts (no pun intended to you, Kenny). Furthermore, and this is just my own opinion, guys enjoy the the chase rather than the reward. The more harder it took to get what you wanted, the more a guy would appreciate his prize. Anyone disagree? One more point Kenny, the reason why there are so many single men and women around is because, it is human nature for us to think of consequences before action. If you think, you’re gonna get rejected, you will go in without confidence of succeeding, and portraying confidence does a whole lot to everybody’s first impressions. So everytime a guy approaches a girl, he has to remember, his emotions are gonna fxxk him up before he even starts. So let’s not get carried away…
Just because people are asking for numbers doesn’t necessarily mean they’re interested in you.
Being a girl, I have been the first to make moves before. That’s cause I don’t believe in regrets and I don’t like to wonder “What if?”.
But I guess, being the female, we stand to misunderstand. A guy can be really nice to you but just treat you like a sister or a really good friend and have absolutely no intentions of going beyond that. And once the confession has been made, it’s just hard to face him again, without reliving the awkward moment when you told him your feelings and he goes “Oh.”.
While I’m not saying this does not apply to the male side, I just feel it more prominent as females.
I guess it’s still best for girls to show their interest through flirtation, and guys to pick up on hints. And when there’s a “feel” that the feelings are mutual, either party can voice out.
So my final answer would be “It depends.”. But being me, I’ll still go for it, if I think I stand a chance.
Yes!yes!yes!I totally agree!If I meet someone I really like I’ll make the first move!God knows what I would miss out if I didn’t!
i don’t think a girl should make the first move because seriously, guys(mostly teenagers) these days gossip more than girls do. In their gossip session, they DO tell their mates about girls making their first move on them. Then the mates will think that this girl is cheap and thus leaving a bad impression on her. Guys should make the first move cause everybody knows it’s a natural thing and it’s more common for them to face rejection. They’ll get over it soon enough but girls, they’ll have the memory of being rejected ever even after their marriage. And plus, people wouldn’t look down on guys who faced rejection because it is too common. If a girl faced rejection, people will think of ‘what’s wrong with her?’ or ‘maybe she’s too ugly to even ask a guy out’. But then again, it doesn’t matter who asked who out first, just make the first move nicely.
Oh and i just love american pie especially a line said by one of the guys which is ‘suck me beautiful’. lol
The interested party should have a go, be it guy or girl.
There are too little fishes in the sea.
i dont think is appropriate for girls to make the first move eventhough this is the new millenium. maybe i am a conservative girl, but i think for every girls they do want the guy to make the first move. this is because it is a very good feeling if the guy make the first move first. we girls will think that we are attractive and appreciate. so i think girls shouldnt make the first move.
What nonsense. People who say girls shouldn’t make the first move are obviously men who think girls lack the capacity to do so, or girls who are finding an excuse for their lack of courage.
OMG!!!Kenny…i lost my hp…would u mind to giv me again?
well, it’s arguable either boy/girl should make their 1st move…
in my opinion, i would prefer girl because guy always dun understand wat female *want therefore if a guy have their move be4 a female .. we may disappointed the female… because we dun meet the quality of demand
=p
jie
I reckon Kenny is right. Girls should sometimes make the first move too, surely making there less miserable singles out there for sure =P
It is not wrong to say girls should be the ones making the first move. I mean its good that something we guys, get to be picked up in a club. LOL. That sounded wrong. Even though its a good thing that the girl makes the first move, but wouldnt that make u feel sexually dominated or challenged. Well, what i mean is i believe that this situation of who makes the first move determines the sexual attraction. Let’s say if the girl comes up to you with a totally cool pickup line, you got flat out and thrown yourself to her. Isn’t that a big too easy and not too mention you should be the one with the cool pick up lines, there is no ‘hard to get’ thing there that every guy desires. When you go out, you don’t expect some girl throwing herself to you. You wanna go get that girl. You wanna be challenged. You wanna know what is the mystery with her. Not the other way around. Come on man, buck up guys. Go figure some pick up line that would blew her away.
Girls never know what they really want. If you don’t make the first move, she thinks you are a wuss or simply don’t have the confidence therefore making you less attractive. If you do then there will be those who will think you are some no good horny bastard trying to get into their panties. But Girls hate it when the guy they are attracted to doesn’t make a move. You can never win.
Then just make it happen. Yes. Guys should just make the first move. So what if you face rejection? It’s just a girl you thought you might like her company with. There is no guarantee that you were going to get lucky or she was going to be the mother of your children after all.
Oh My God…what’s the big deal here man. If HE likes HER – go and ask her. If She likes HIM – go and ask HIM. What’s the story about being Asian? being a girl? being a guy? Chivalry out the door? You better not bet on it…The world IS changing whether you like it or not. So change with it…or be left behind.
But then again, unlike girls (as Kenny very well put it) guys don’t go round telling HIS friends that a girl approached them and whatever that transpired in between. If at all that happens it will ONLY be because that guy wants a second opinion on that girl from his very best friend in the world because he actually thinks he likes her!! Geddit?
So girls, don’t worry about your ego being crushed (like how you do guys), we guys (oops), aren’t that bad. We are straightforward…want means want, dowan means dowan lah…
It’s definitely time to ask Nicole. If she wore glasses that tie wouldn’t make her look so hot.
yea right!girl shud make the first move..so kenny,wat’s your phone number?=P
i will never make the first move… never… im too scared of being laughed at!!
First move is about how you feel and whether you have the courage to make it or not. I personally don’t think it has anything to do with the sexes. In this modern day, it can either be the guy or the girl who makes the first move. It really comes down to whether you have the guts to approach the person and ask for their number. Also, whether you are prepared for the consequences that comes out of making the first move (aka. BIG TIME REJECTION). I say anyone can do it. JUST DO IT! Doesn’t matter whether you have an appendage or not.
Though I`m all in favour for ladies first, I don`t think it`s necessary for girls to make the first move.
The world is modern, but not modern enough to accept ‘can I buy you a drink?’ from a girl. Because you`ll immediately think`s she`s a prostitute,(and you`ll end up paying for the drink anyway).
Girls have just as much to lose as guys. So stick to the norms. Girls giving a wink is good enough. If you really can’t pick up the signals, then you should go back to high school and learn growing up again.
Rule of universe, guys should always make the first move. In my own humble opinion, guys that hope that the girls make the first move on them are sore losers. Not only these guys are gutless to make the first move, yet hoping for the girl that he liks to come upon. That’s a little too much i would say.
On the flip side, girls that think that someone is special should not be sitting there flipping hair. You deserve who you like/want. So go up there and take action.
For any sexes that made the move, if it does work out, good on ya! You were meant to be together. If it doesn’t, there’s a whole forest out there. needless to give up because of just 1 tree.
I know i might be sitting on the fence here (i.e. guys / girls making first move). But hey guess what? It’s a whole new world out there. Everyone is working their ass off just to get a better living for themselves and hopefully for everyone he/she loves. So why should anyone not be entitled to the rights of taking action of whom he/she likes?
of coz both parties can start the move first, now we living in the modern world and it doesnt really cares about your gender that who should start the moves first. But for my opinion girlz more to giving signals to the guyz when come to flirting and guyz are more to action. kenny sia i need that perfume leh because with that perfuma maybe i can send the signal to the female nose so that they will send their body language signal to me.
riduanteo@gmail.com
It takes two hands to clap, one hand claps makes no sound.
I had my own personal experience, yes in certain cases a woman should make the move and to see if the man accepts her love, vice versa.
I got to say, like women they respect men who goes straight to the point and tells out his feelings to them. Men do respect women even more when she makes the first move by saying “I’m in love with you.”
My conclusion? Is all about chemistry. It all started with an eye contact, a little chat, chemistry starts- love appears. Most of the time men does the first move, but in our world today; Men and women are equal. So women can voice out the first move as well. 🙂
Girl r shy…never dare to make the first move.
Yo! Kenny! sounds like you have a crush on someone.. hehehe.. Let me guess…. Nicole eh? hahahaha. Both of you look like a couple. Go kenny! Don’t muak muak too much, hohohoh.. by the way, i think nicole have crush on u too!
Girls making the first move seems so outgoing at times, but we do live in a very outgoing world now, people are always talking about male-female equality, why can’t girls make the first move first if this is so? Why do we have to give way to a girl to do everything first well in most times the famous “ladies first” term but when we comes to picking up guys, girls will always take the ladies first rule, that is the ladies needs to be approached first. I don’t think it’s really suitable at this century mentality. People should change their mentality. I’m all for girls approaching a guy first. Why can’t a girl do that? My guess is it eventually boils down to how much a person wants the other person. If I really want a gal I would go all out for her
The problem with guys……
If you treat him nice, he will say you are in love with him. If you don’t, he will say you are proud.
If you dress nicely, he says you are trying to lure him. If you dont, you are kampung girl.
If you dont accept his love, he will say you are haulien. If you do, then he will leave you.
If you argue with him, he says you are stubborn. If you keep quiet, he say you no brains.
If you are smarter than him, he will lose face. If he’s smarter than you, he is great.
If you hurt him, you are cruel. If he hurts you, you are too sensitive.
In a relationship, it doesn’t matter who should be making the first move or even who is right or who is wrong. Y
ou just need to find a person that’s the total opposite of what i have just said. Someone who cares and respect you for who you are.
Only then, you know you have found the jewel of your heart. Hold on to him and never let him go.
It’s all depends on what you think on this issue as this thing is kinda individual and different for everyone. Some may think it’s a wise decision while some may think it’s not.
For me, I feel that we as Asian gals should keep our heads up as being the traditional and yet maintain our modern touch. We shouldn’t follow how the gals in the other part of the world are doing. If we like someone, we do not need to be that bold and ask for his number. There are various ways such as striking a good conversation and humour or even a good joke will do. I’m sure if the guy enjoyed your company, he’ll definately ask for your number. If he didn’t, then clearly he is not interested and we should move on to the next guy! :p
I Say Just give me that HUGO XY and XX Perfume, why…you ask? Well, there’s no point talking about who should take that first move if we don’t smell HUGO good!
By giving me both the HUGO XX and XY Perfume, it would provide the absolute successful platform to propose to the person of the opposite sex.
For my case, since I am a male, I will use the HUGO XY on myself before making the move on the girl. Now I believe just as I am confident about HUGO, HUGO would be just as confident about their product that it would make a girl fall for the guy who uses it just because it smells that good!
And as a first gift for that relationship…what better present to give the girl than a bottle of HUGO XY? Makes her smell just as good!
A couple using HUGO fragrance perfume commands just as much attention as Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie walking side by side!
Don’t you think?
Generally though, I think that guys should take that first move, but if the girls are desperate enough, why hold back? Right Kenny?
50% :Agree
50% :Not Agree
yes!girl should make the first move,
but not all girl are brave enough to ask…
cause girl get shy very fast
but some of friends are brave enough to ask
but they had been backstab by their friends for being so confident for themself…
some of them get rejected too.
It is true that the person who you love will backstab you if ur face are ugly too.I think most of the people care about people faces and body shape & also their career first…
The first thing we should know before dating with someone is to know him/her antitude ,background, and also how much they care and understand for you….
owh, i TOTALLY agree! im about to ask this guy’s number but i lack the confidence, can I have this Hugo perfume to spice up my self esteem? kekeke =.=
i confessed .and is not ashamed of the fact that i confessed to guys.you can call me desperado or “cheap” or whatever…this is the 21st century..and if we were to talk about equal rights and all..i believe both sexes has their rights to make advancement on whoever they like.(not going overboard of course)
“What’s worse, if we fail, next time she’ll start avoiding us. ”
tee hee..i think girls get that too from guys..and so it’s a fair world out there.
and oh sometimes the answer is as simple as yes or no.
hey man, couldn’t be a much better time to writeup this entry…. this is exactly what i have in mind but as God forbid, i dont have your creativities and now God has chosen you to write up this entry to at least show some light at the end of the very dark tunnel to all the lonely souls out there.
I definitely hope that this entry will awakens the girls out there and making them realize just how much men can suffer…….
My opinion is guy should take their first move. any hint to ask a number? instead of asking her number why don’t you give her your number and wait for a reply in a patient and gentlement attitude. do you realize that by doing so you could prove your courage while prevent from being rejected. if she’s interested with you then you’ll stand chances to date her after she message or call you. if she didn’t entertain you at all you could just ignore it plus you don’t feel hurt as much as being rejected face to face. i’ve done some survey by asking most of my girl-friend and most of them agreed that if there isn’t interest on him then there’s a tag “pervert” or “don’t 1 face” for him. girls gossip around when guys ask for number is due to they wanna prove how “high class” she is. they tend to ignore how the guys feeling because she has no feel on him at all. so guys…never give up and be confident with yourselve because if you don’t give a try you wouldn’t know what’s the result will be. in other words you’re a loser!
first of all,
i think that men and women have a choice of making the first move..if that person is those people that are shy to make the move and go by the “guys should make the first move” rules(is by the way ancient) may loose that person..you might end up with that person for the rest of your life..who knows?so who cares?make the first move..
-angelina-
by the way..i want that that HUGO PERFUME..
i NEED it..
Hey what you mentioned just in this entry is known as the Sadie Hawkins’s way. when A girl has to ask a guy out
Actually, I thought you’re proposing Nicole. Lol… Whoever who make the first move, no one should get hurt. Love happen in an innocent way, in a pure way.. So, no one should make fun of it.
Being able to confess to the one you love is a brave attitude. It doesn’t matter a girl or a guy who make the first move. The way we show our love and how we can convience the person that we love to be another half is what matter the most.
So… when are you going to make the first move uhh? Or she..? Lol…
I say we only live once- so I think it really doesn’t matter who makes the first move.
Its not exactly fair to say who should make the first move. it all depends on the person really. but however the stereotypical portrayal is that guys should make the first move. however since this is the 21st century, mannerisms have evolved.
being a girl, i would prefer to have guys make the first move as girls tend to be the shyer creatures.
this boy once told me he liked me but failed to follow up with asking me out. we are currently together because after a few months later (yes im quite slow) i had a conversation with him about whether we could start a relationship. if he followed up and asked me out, we could have spent a few more months together.
so what can i say i cant be a hypocrite. its an equal world but if u see anyone worth going for, go for it regardless if u r a guy or a girl!
who cares about the gender these days anyway. haha
u took the words right outta my mouth kenny.
love is a two way lane, doesnt matter who makes the move, but i must say girls making the move is bolder but that doesnt make things awkward. ppl have to live out of the stereotype, girls can also make the first.
hey, love is unconditional rite?
Guys are shallow creatures. So yeah, it’s fairly easy for girls to make the first move. That is, she’s of above average -scratch that- average looking. (Nope, not banging you, just stating facts. Look it up. Ask your friends. Ask your gardener, he’ll tell you).
Whether or not they *should*, that’s of a different matter. I say no. Why? Nola, not because I’m old fashioned but because you people are engineered to enjoy the thrill of the chase. Where’s the fun in chasing when you can get her that easily? Am I right or am I right?
There’s a loophole in this love-shmove business. Girls make guys make the first move. Complicated? I knowww. It’s an artform, Kenny.
^^
It doesn’t really matter who makes the first move. As long as the feeling is right, either one can make a move. Who knows the other party is also about to make a move on you.
Once in a club in Thailand, where I met this girl. We were in the dance pool and out of nowhere, we locked eyes and started dancing together. She asked, “what is your name?” and the rest are history…
I still believe that guys should make the first move. Chivalry isn’t dead right? So what if you stand a chance of rejection? Real men don’t give two hoots about that. If she ain’t giving you the time of the day, then maybe she is the one that ain’t worth it anyway. If she goes and tells the whole world bout how she rejected you, I think that just screams ” LOOK AT ME, I NEED ATTENTION!!”. Lame. But girls, its a new era. The above applies for you too if you so wish to be the ‘man’. However, I still would prefer if guys had the guts to approach girls first. It always shows confidence 🙂 Don’t be cocky though. If you get rejected more than your fair share, heck maybe it’s just you that have issues.Btw, one liners just clearly prove that there isn’t much grey matter in that head. I mean, if you had to memorize lines, heck, how sincere can you get?
The one who should make the first move is the one who feels that he or she should make the first move 🙂 It’s up to the individual. Give freedom to all to make the first move, last move or stay put 🙂 Who gave anyone the power to set the rules for others anyway? Nobody. Who gave anyone the power to restrict anyone in this matter? Nada. Whichever rocks one’s boat. Why should we ask others who should make the first move? Why don’t we ask ourselves?
To me, sometimes guys tend to be bossy and egoistic when it comes to confessing and showing how they feel. But when we the guys can’t help doing it, the girls like to play ‘tug of war’ with us. They pull when they feel like it, and release when they feel like it.
And of course, traditionally, guys are suppose to make the move and girls ‘traditionally’ and supposed ly accept the move made by the guy. However sweet that sound, that’s the yesteryear my friend.
Girls today expect guys to be sensitive enough to know what they are thinking. Yeah, we gotta live up to the standards set by them. But why must we? They should understand that we are the aggressive counterpart and not sensitive yea? Plus, girls like us to be aggressive right? 🙂 They don’t really want a girlie man do they?
However true both sides argument might be, i believe a guy should be man enough to face the consequences to confess and show their feelings when they ought to do so.
IMHO, what’s a guy to a girl if they can’t afford to look silly enough to confess to a girl they like?
There’s no such thing where who’s supposed to make the move..I guess both sexes should do it if they want to..There’s no harm of getting the number..I guess even if you get rejected,show that u’re confident enough to get rejected and walked away..If u like it,grab it! =)
Why can’t GIRLS be the one making the first move? There’s no such rule saying girls cannot be the one who initiate, I suppose. It is the norms that make girls ‘think’ that it doesn’t look nice or doesn’t sound nice to be the one who initiate. I remember there once a girl in my secondary school asked a guy she admired out for a date. Guess what? Since then, the girl was labeled ‘pompuan muka tebal’ (Thick face, don’t know shame in other words) in the school. So, guys are also doing what you said guys won’t do, gossiping! Anyway, things are changing, when people ask for equality between males and females, it will be appropriate to say that males and females are equal in romance relationship too. By that time, instead of the gender, people’s personality or traits will be the one that determine who will make the first move.
To be honest, if you like someone or something enough, do something about it. No point lolly-lagging around waiting for the object of your desires to be served to you on a plate.
Step up to take what you want and be with who you want. If things don’t work out at least you can look yourself in the mirror and say, “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn!”
Please don’t shoot me for the Gone with the Wind reference 😛
well, guys should be the first to make the move. yet do it in a smart way of course. i believe the gal u like may not have the slightest liking towards u in the first place.. but.. as time passes.. she will give in. at least more chances for the guy to show consistency. jz my two points.
I can hear all the butch lesbians laughing in glee and rubbing their hands together……
if a girl tries to pick up a guy she gets called a slut
if a guy tries to pick up a girl he gets called desperate.
we humans are so weird.
anyways, i guess us girls SHOULD give picking up guys a shot. i mean, we always scream out for equal rights, wanting to do things only guys usually do, why make this an exception? should be refreshing, and it’d give the poor guys a break too.
well girls CAN make the first move but not directly of course.
if a girl likes the boy, she can use her charm to drop hints indirectly while keeping the distance at the same time, turning the game around to make him ask her first!
this will not make her look desperate or cheap while being able to get the guy’s attention at the same time. it is just the matter of how you play the game right =) [worked for me 10 out of 10 tries I dare say, to make a guy confess =p]
Well, it’s really a lot to do with the society you are brought up in. In Australia, you can sometimes find girls going up to guys and saying random stuff like ‘do you want to hold my hand?'(yea, I’ve seen someone use this pick up line before and it actually worked) or some other pick up line, especially in clubs and pubs.
But in Malaysia, girls were brought up to be more conservative and shy. I always have this feeling that my mum prefers me to keep quiet in public places or in front of relatives etc, to keep this image of me being ‘a nice good girl’, that I’m not some outgoing loud and brash girl. Anyways, back to the topic. In Malaysia, a girl asking a guy out would give everyone the impression that she’s desperate/cheap/slutty/too easy going. And what if the girl is rejected, along comes guy B, and he was once interested in her, but he’s really conservative and once he found out she actually asked a guy out before, he might just lose interest and decide she’s not the type for him. So the girl loses out in the end.
Conclusion, it’s not ok for a girl to ask a guy out in Malaysia. We still need some time before we lose that ‘conservative’ outlook on life and lighten up.
Girls can make the the first move, there’s nothing wrong with that. Waiting, for someone to make the 1st move, to go after you (generally for guyz and gurls) is not a wise choice, because those that have to guts to make the 1st move most probablyly ended up in a relationship already.
My opinion, as guys, we tend to think about the consequences 1st, and we tend to focus a lot on the negatives, i.e. being rejected. If you keep thinking about being rejected, your actions will show that ” Yeah I’m making the 1st move but i know you’ll reject me”, of course you’ll be rejected as you show the signs of ” come reject me”, as all you show is fear of rejection, no confidence, all the not so good parts of yourself which wont make her interested.
Yeah I think this may sound abit WTF but that’s what i think. ^^
i think the question of who should make the first move does not really exist. because don’t tell me girls don’t fall in love with guy.
to make it simple, if you see someone that you like, then just make the move~!
if you are a girl, and you saw a guy that you like, don’t tell me you just sit there trying to send telephatic messages to him so that he’ll walk over and make the first move~!? O_o
of course there must be some kind of interaction or hints so that the other party knows.
so the same applies to the guys. you don’t just sit down and pray that the girl that you like will walk over and speak to you. because if you don’t take action, how the hell he/she gonna know?
if guys were to make the first move, then i guess a lot of girls did not get to be with the man that they like. is this the reason why there are so many jokes and horror stories about marriages?
well, first of all, girls who approach guys first will look like someone very very desperate, or just horny, like the pics with the 5 dollah sucky sucky. it’s not about generalisation, girls, but this is what most men will think. Men have this tendency to make the first move, it has been the norm since the start of mankind. Adam requested for Eve because he was lonely, and not the other way round, right?
And if a girl ask a man out, i think it would be the case of the girl doing anything the man wants. sooner or later, the man will feel bored, and this usually wont go well. On the other hand, if a man asks and asks and asks, the girl will most probably feel touched, and decided to give it a try, while the guy will appreciate it since he make a lot of effort for it.
as for man, try to build up some confidence before asking a girl out. it would be better if it doesn’t sound like making a move, but actually a more friendly gesture. girls may reject the first, second, or…20th times, but their heart is very soft, actually..if not, their heart won’t melt at the sight if a cute poodle.
anyway, men are the gender with cojones! proof it!
it’s not about right or wrong, it’s more about which way is more natural and probably more benificial in the long run.
Yes, girls should also be the one making the first move.
So many times I have made the first move and was humilated (when i got rejected). And worst, somehow it spreads until your close friends know about it. And they will come back to you and asking you about it over and over again. Sigh.
Is so dreadful that now even though there are a lot of eyes contacts with a girl that is a stranger to me, I wouldn’t dare to approach her. (and yes, that kinda explains my current single status… sob)
If only the girl made the move, then life will definitely be so much better. At least a new friendship can be bonded even if the guy says no. Right guys? (Guys don’t go and avoid a girl that they reject like girls do… well, majority)
Fine, this is a sexist topic. So I know a lot of girls will not agree with me. If the girls still insists that guys should make the first move, please help us guys with the best way so that we will not look like what Kenny described after being rejected. (the botak kid)
I’ll gladly try it out too. (if there is a way that really works of course) :S
Harmony is overrated, much like straight sexuality.
Just you noe, be gay. Then you won’t get turned down for sure.
(:
I think it depends.
Sometimes even if the guy DO accept the girl’s advances, in the end, he still might not treasure her because it might seem to him that she NEEDS him and he doesn’t.
I think the girl would have got to be sure that the guy is nice or the guy is into her before she makes her move.
If not, she is just going to give the guy a good ego boost.
ok.. i think the girls should start making the 1st move… u cant always wait for the guys to make to 1st move on u. what i mean is, both have to make the 1st move… GIRLS~ u have to cherish your own happiness, the one u love~! if not, sometimes will be “too late” as a result… n 1 more thing, use HUGO when u make your 1st move, the succession rate will increase~~ lol.
Totally agree with you that women should make the first move. Women nowadays are more liberalise. You’ll see this a lot in western countries especially. I once heard a romantic story when I went on a backpacking trip in Scotland. The bus tour guide that brought us around told a story that he helped a female client of his to set up a scenario for the client to propose to her fiance. He went through all the trouble to make this event a success-buying flowers, champagne, balloons, etc, partly for the interest of his tour company, but mainly I believe for he being supportive & understanding, even as an outsider. And best of all he told this story to us with no mockery or shame but in a inspired, tuneful and understanding way. Gender equality era has arrived, and I think Asians women are up to it.
does it even matter who makes the first move? what matters is that when you love someone, don’t be afraid to approach that person.
and if you don’t, you’ll regret it your whole life, because no matter what, everyone has a chance of being with the person they love. and if you miss the chance, you might never get it back again.
i’m a female. and i personally think that it is ok for girls to make the first move. though some people may think of us as cheap, but from what i understand, do what you want to do, and you’ll get what you want to get.
i know being rejected is hard. imagine a girl being rejected by the guy she likes. but we can get through it though it takes a longer time than guys.
but if we never try, we’ll never know. isn’t it better to ask him out instead of hiding behind pillars looking at him? at least, if he rejects you, you don’t have to waste your time hiding behind the pillars anymore because you know he’s not someone you need to waste time on for.
it’s definitely time for people to change their perception on this. girls should definitely make the first move. and guys should STILL make the first moves too. i guess it all depends on the situation.
it’s normal for a girl to ask a guy out these days. and if people thinks otherwise, these people needs to know that they’re now in the 21st century, and no longer in the stone age era. haha.
Nowadays, relationships start from friendships. And it’s through friendship that you begin to know the person well and to eventually like him/her if you are comfortable with him/her etc etc. I’m quite sure that most people, one their 2nd conversation, would have exchanged mobile numbers and this is not like who must make the first move. It’s just a friend thing to ask another friend for the number. As if you don’t ask your colleagues for their mobile? Then leh, when things go pretty good, it’s like a mutual like thingy already. When either gender ask the other gender, it’s a more definite that the gender is accepted liaw. So, if guys ask or girls ask also who cares la?? Wont be rejected d ma. So wont be defined as cheap. Wont be defined as loser. etc etc. In fact, some people also didnt really ask the partner to be tgth lor. It’s like pretty understood d. Hehe…
I think it depends to d situation…if u r desperate u want him/her..u shud go…on d othr hand if u r shy n afraid…y bother 2 think abt knowing him/her…i think gals shudnt make d 1st move, it is oni natural as v r gentlements…guys can take shame n all that easily but gals take it in a diff way…how often 2 u c a guy cry 4 getting rejected…but 4 gals…if ur interested in d guy..do make a lil eye contact…however due 2 a small prob in our society, ppl tend 2 think d person hu makes d 1st move desperados…hamsap(perverts)..even worst v tend 2 complain abt d person hu asked us…”oh his not even above average par” “eww she wears prada instead or armani”… In d end there is no hu shud make d 1st move..u WANT HIM/HER? B BRAVE N WALK OVER THR…ASk HIM/HER OUT..end of story
Kenny Sia, you are too cute.
You have legionsss of screaming girl fans (i think.)
You’re a nice chap and i’m sure any girl is
sure damn lucky enough to have you.
P/S, waaaah….! Seeing that you’re gonna pick the BEST
comment in this entry, all these pple are scrambling
to type the longest, darndest, grammar error-free comments
for this entry. LOL.
I’m a Singaporean. So, naaah. HAHA XD
Not that anyone would have cared, but few years back in high school, I did the most embarrassing and ‘un-girlish’ thing by approaching a boy[my crush]. My classmate to be precise. Best student in the school and top student in the state. Me? Just some fat, nerd-ish looking girl wearing a round spectacle. The good thing was, I guess, he didn’t let his friends know about it. OK, assuming that he DID actually let them know, they sure did a good job at covering it. It was a plain “NO” and it felt weird for the next few days since we’re both school prefects and he sat in front of me in class. Things got worst, we were both avoiding each other for the entire year. We hardly talk or interact anymore, worse than before I talk to him about my feelings.
In other words, it’s probably more beneficial for ladies to make their first move[save the embarrassing thoughts later]. But in case you got rejected, you would probably think it’s better to leave things the way they are.
i think it depends on the situation more.
if girl make the first move, the percentage of success will be much more bigger then men making the first move.
most of the men accept the girl if she make the first move, as long she is not ugly. even normal face with nice heart can already. no need be very sexy or wat.
since womens nowadays keep say they are as powerful as men, then please start from making the first move, don’t wait guys to approaach u first. and also, don’t think your boyfriend buy u a nice, high class dinner is should. need change sometime de mar, sometime u pay sometime he pay. then u will know dating is not just pulling hand, kiss only. it concerns about money, and a lot!!!!
HOT girl…ASk guy…Ugly Girl…no need ask…
hot girl+hot guy = HOt
ugly girl+ugly guy= Ugly
in conclusion I say that if a girl is ugly and, want to ask a guy out…make sure u ask a ugly guy
WHAHAHAH!!!
yea, u rite!! feel so sorry for all single man in da world..XD i think tis post is goin 2 hav d most comment in kennysia.com.. haha.. comment from mostly guy, i think.. haha..
haha. advertising for Mandarin Oriental KL as well? =P
guys should still make the first move cuz its ‘the right thing for guys to do’.
haha.
Well, I guess it very much depends on which era you’re in. 20-30 years ago, yes…it may not be acceptable for a girl to make the first move. But now, yeah…why not? Girls always wanted guys to treat them as equal. So…y not? Besides, you’ll always have a first mover advantage 😉
Dearest Kenny,
The first time I set eyes upon your blog, it was like a light inside me was set ablaze. I was (and still am) so very intricgued and fasinated by the elokuence of your words that strung the strings of my heart and sole. From the first time I came to your blog, I was very sad and you brought me back the joy to my life’. You are so funny and hilairious with your words. And I thought to myself ‘It is enuff that I can only read and yearn for you’… secretly.
Then you post up some pics of urself and omigod, my heart beat so hard and so fast, I feel like it was going to fall into the pit of my stomache. I thought maybe i had gastronomical disease or smthg like that. But, it was ur smile and ur cute little tummy that made me feel like that.
I know you have lot of fans (most my guyz frenz tell me they like ur blog) oso, i know u onli attlacted to galz who hav boobs and butz. I am 5’3 & weight abt 70kg, i know i got no chance. But i am just telling u my feel abt you.
This topik u said, its ok for a gal to express herself to a guy she like & i am doing it. I don’t want 2 life to regret if 10 years later.
Plz lemme know how u feel oso.
Girls…SHOULD make the first move, in a proper way. Be a smart girl. Act as if you dont seem desperate, and at the same time make the guy feels good that there’s a girl admiring him and that u want to be his friend.
Dont approch him in a cheap way…as in keep haunting that guy although he doesnt bother to reply. Or message something like “Hai hai suai ge..can i chiao u???”
I would ask a guy for his number and i did. try to msg him. and observe whether that guy has interest in you..very obviously from the way he replies u, u would definately know what he thinks about you. if he ignores you or doesnt show any interest, the move on and click “NEXT TARGET” button lah. find for a new guy. there is roughly 50% of the world population is GUYS!!!!!
i dont see anything wrong in a girl making the first move..And of cos girls have to be ready to get rejected too. If u are rejected, then think of the moment u reject ppl and how you did that last time. did u do it in a good way? u might learn some lesson there.
Regret is worse than rejection.
Be yourself and ask – life is bittersweet yoh!
just forget about men and women equality.. it will never happen… when fail in the confession to a girl, especially close friend, we can lost the valuable friendship like me…. (T_T)
Hi Kenny!
Dunno if it’s a coincidence or wat..tis post seems to have come at the right time! Maybe I should have given 2nd thoughts on the guy who approached me in the train. it’s not that easy to make the first move afterall =)
Personally, a guy will never appreciate a girl as much as he would if he didn’t “work hard” to get her himself. If he had sweat and fought to get her, chances are, he’ll appreciate her more in the future.
Yup it’s the new millenium. A girl shouldn’t sit around and wait for the guy. She should hint, suggest, and she can talk to him first, but never the one who asks him out on a date first. Who said guys wouldn’t brag about the loser-girl to his friends?
In the present world, who make the first move is no more important. The most important thing is that each of them love each other.
no pain no gain lah (:
Hmm.. I think guys should make the first move… coz if a girl confesses to a guy the guy may not even want to be friends with the girl anymore… But.. if a guy confesses to the girl then even if he is rejected guys are usually thick-skinned enough to approach the girl again and they can still be friends.. anyways girls are more sensitive to rejection therefore… girls should not have to make the first move..
Many people like to keep things simple. A guy works up his courage, grooms himself up a little, put a cloth in his pants so his erection would not be that obvious, steps forward and asks a girl out, if the girl nods, then great, he succeeds; if otherwise, he fails. If you are keeping things simple, it is much easier for you to find the confidence and guts to bellow out your feelings or just a hint of liking the girl. On the other hand, if you take every little aspect into account, you think whether you are too chubby, or your hair is different from that of Brad Pitt’s, or how other girls will shun you like the plague if you get rejected. All these questions will manifest in a form of insecurity, in the end, nothing is done nor achieved. Gradually, more 40 year old virgins will appear.
Needless to say, it is much easier to let the opposite sex take the first step while you just sit back and nod or shake your head. The guys have come up with various excuses, the most common one being: it is the 21st century now, and they are fighting for equality in both sexes, so the girls should make the first move to prove that men and women can be equal in terms of status. While we can rush to congratulate the guys on being open minded and such selfless egalitarians, but then again, shame on them, or in this case us (I am a guy), for coming up with such a lame excuse for our insecurity.
On the other hand, for women, who have been deemed as the weaker sex for centuries, are in the better position to let the men make the first move. But then again, on one hand they are condemning men for being sexists and bigots; but on the other, they prefer to be passive and let men be, in the context of dating, men. Although I do not understand women as much as they do themselves, I think this scenario arises from insecurity as well. “What will guys think of me if I just ask that cutie out? They will think I’m shameless, then no one will go out with me! Ah!†or “I think he is attracted to me, he’s kinda cute too. Alright, I’ll play hard to get if he makes a move so I won’t be the easy one.†Whether or not women are proud of how many men woo them as men are proud of how many women they manage to ask out, I do not know, but there is a good chance of that being true.
In the traditional Chinese culture, women are only supposed to stay at home, weave and knit, cook and wash, feed the children and listen to the husband. In such a male dominated culture, I do not see how a woman is supposed to make the first move. But then again, how many of us can adhere to such customs, or live like our ancestors where women stay at home and even if they go out, it will be nothing else except the wet market or the grocery store. We have progressed now, the old cultures and being forgotten, the status of women has escalated to a stage where men and women are equal. In this case, I see absolutely no necessity in men making the first move. Though for other more male dominant cultures, I do not acquiesce to this statement. As for Malaysia, then yes, I think both sexes should be more aggressive in pursuing a relationship.
For this, I am only speaking in general, and I am sure not all men and women are as what I described in paragraph 2 and 3. I do not have any experiences in asking women out as I am still at the very young age of 16. These are just my honest opinions. Thank you.
how true, how true.
it’s easier for a girl to get to know a guy that she likes, and no, this is no longer the era of “i’m a girl, if i ask him out, he’ll think that i’m a slut or sth”.
guys face immense pressure when trying to ask a girl out, and like what u said, the after-effect. will she ignore me next time? or worse, avoid me?
even worse, will she spread the news and make me feel like a loser?
coz guys have an ego, even the “sisiest” of guys have at least a small amount of ego to keep.
simple… i’m commenting here hoping to get the free bottle of Hugo, because I felt in love with Hugo sense before and it’s man fragrance. show me there are free stuff in this world.
For me, I think that now is the new millennium, guys and gals are both equally even..Everything should be even..Even for this case, I do think that gals do deserve to express their feelings first to the guys..N it’s not necessary that she is cheap or desperate..People used to say,”Don’t judge a book by its own cover”..Same goes to this..U can’t judge her love towards that guy, before knowing how much she’s interested in him..It takes a lot of courage for a girl to express her feelings..N i believe girls need more courage to do this more than guys..Because girls tend to be more shy,right??
As for guys, it’s always the guys to express their feelings first..N i’m sure that you would think how nice it would be, if there’s a girl chasing me..It’s sweet u know??But then, IF you found your love first, don’t wait…
I can’t deny that girls do love to wait for their prince charming to come and express his love, but if you like someone who may not seem to be your prince charming, n causes you to hold back your feelings(not to mention expressing your love), you may not know that he is the prince you are searching for all these while..So, go for it!!!
Doesn’t matter who express first…Patient and love will show everything… 😉
the guy should always make the first move. Had my fair share of bad expereinces making the first move. Totally devoted few years to chasing the unobtainable. And in the end..who should be decide to marry….ta dah!….definitely not me!
I disagree that girls should make the first move. However modern we are, alot of us still believe in patriarchal values,asians mostly. Most of us still think that guys should pay, guys should be the brave one and guys should ask us out. Why? They think they call the shots and girls let them or at least allow them to think they hold the decisions. We don’t want to harm the male EGO by paying for them. I use to pay for my ex-bf and he found it very insulting as though he couldn’t support himself. So to “jaga” guys muka girls expect the guys to make the first move if their interested. We expect them to be bold and instigate the first move. My opinion is if we girls make the first move we might be labelled ad “slut” or “bitch”, the type of girls that just go up to any guy and say “Hey, be my boyfriend!”. Remember, its the first MOVE. Girls should send signals if their interested such as using certain words of encouragement and admiration but the first MOVE should come from the guy. And it doesn’t have to be a major move that might lead us to suspect your a pervert. Make sure it is decent. And about gossiping, guys do it too. I had the experience being friendly to a guy once and he went back to his mates saying “she’s so easy”. So in the name of saving reputation and preserving the social balance of men and women, guys should defintely make the first move.
I would say girls should not make the first move. But girls could drop a hint to guys and let guys make the first move! You see, as what people always say, guys tend to not appreciate those girls who made the first move. As a guy, i do agree this statement. So i would suggest if girl fancies a guy, she could just give an obvious hint to the guy. At least if the guy also has the same feeling on the girl, he could now show his gentlemen by making the first move. And if the guy does not crush on the girl, he will either keeps quiet and remain the relationship as it is. By this time, the girl should know the answer and she can keep the feeling deep inside her heart and move on. This way it won’t mess up the current relationship between the girl and the guy and yet the girm manage to get an answer.
i think that it doesn’t matter who make the first move first as long as one of any party is interested in the other party. in this 21st century, guys and girls have the equal rights to choose. it doesn’t matter who date who first, but a date is more of appreciation.
hey, kenny jst give me the bottle of fragrances so i can make the move and also no to forget..another bottle for HEr will fine tune it up..
Well, it doesn’t matter who takes the first move, most importantly, if you (whether you are a guy or girl) did try and fail, at least you got the answer, rather than thinking over and over again until the day you go 6 feets under.
Somehow, I do agree that SOME (not every) girls would further ‘humiliate’ the guy by spreading the rejection around. I must say to the guy that ‘Look, you should be happy that you didn’t get accepted by such shallow-minded girl who don’t know how to appreciate you and don’t respect the others’. I know the moment where being giggled at the back is hurting. But hey, surely it’s better than you stuck with such mean girl, right?
Personally, I faced rejection and rejected guys before. But thankfully, both parties are able to handle it maturely and become very good friend instead. Surely I wouldn’t have such good friends if neither party have made the first move. And for those guys that I’ve rejected, I always appreciate their courage and really thank them for placing me in their heart. Although we can’t be a couple, we can always be a great friend instead.
Of course, if any party is so petty and don’t want to be friend anymore, then heck care la… such childish ‘friend’ are not needed.
That’s why I don’t think it matters whether should girl make the first move.
P/S: If the first move is a success and grown into a stable relationship, guy, please lar… don’t tell everyone that it was HER who made the first move. Said it was you and give the girl some ‘fei si'(face). [Yes, we girl do want ‘fei si’ a lot too!].
Afterall, this is a sweet little secret between you two… 🙂
first and foremost, i am very agree that sometimes girls should make the first move. to be fair, i think we should not let the gender to decide on this matter but unfortunately, that’s how reality works(at least for Malaysia or majority Chinese society).
c’mon, everybody loves their own faces. everyone is afraid of rejection but why is men always take the blame? women always argue about the society’s unfair treatments but when comes to some issue, they will push the all responsibilities to men. i believe that “it’s your responsibility. you are the man, you should be gentlemen” kinda lame excuse sounds very familiar to everyone here. dont get me wrong, i’m not saying that it should be women’s job to get the guy she wants(how i wish this is true).
anyway, my point is that things/people don’t come if you don’t put some effort in it. if you want a life partner, go for it. no matter how good/bad the outcome, at least you wouldn’t have any regrets in future
He or she who looks better, moves later. Lu look like pisang sure have to take the first move la. Sex doesnt matter (i mean gender).
After reading both Kenny and Nicole’s entries, I say girls should make the first move. The clever/shy one can drop hints, the bold one can go the direct route. It is simply because girls have all the advantages. Any move by the girl will be appreciated as a compliment and a boost in ego to the man so definitely more attention will be given to the girl. Men will not reject girl openly to humiliate her and you will not be called a pervert, nerd or bo liao by the boy. Even if rejected, men will still tell girl that she is like a sister to him. As to being called “cheap”, it is only the jealous girl who can’t get the attention of your men or the loser guy who you don’t fancy anyway that will utter those to try to get under your skin so why bother? So girls, get ready for your first move!
After reading thru all the unnecessarily long posts, i just have this to say: Be a man! Do the right thing!
Malaysian girls should make the first move on Malaysian guys because most Malaysian guys ain’t got the balls to make the first move. Even if they do, when they find out more about the girls.. if they find that the girls have better personality or characteristic than them, they’ll feel inferior and not make any move anymore. In short, guys who doesn’t dare to go after he likes have NO BALLS.
Heck! Moves are mostly determined by “confidence-backed-up-by-looks” factor.. I mean, look at it, anyone who feels good enough abt themselves and haf the self-esteem that “Yes, we look darn good!”, wouldn’t mind making the first move, right? Be it guy or girl..
Well, I’m sure that being approached would feel good, for the one who’s being asked..Whether it’s guy or girl! Hehe..
In my opinion, I think girls should make the move first. I never waited for any guy to approach me before, if I like him I’ll do whatever it takes to get close to him and talk to him. Do guys reject girls? Yes, I’ve been crushing for this particular guy for about two months and decided to asked him about his feelings towards me. Unfortunately, he only sees me as a friend and not something beyond that. As a girl, I’m not letting that simple rejection prevent me from asking again. Last but not least, most guys I know gets turned on when a girl approached them.
well.. I had this same interesting conversation with a close friend of mine..Both of us have different perspective and well opposite sex do think differently.
The general view of guys should make the first move, it’s common. I do understand what you guys think too. Even my friend did pointed out that some guys are shy, some scared of rejection and some like you mentioned, got post-rejection feelings. However, I think my conclusion to this is if you take the move, I personally think you would not regret making the move as at least you did it rather than just hiding behind not making the move.
As a girl, I am still prefer sticking to the old traditional way of guys making the move. Even if I dare to make the first move, hmm.. I must be sure that that guy have a little feeling for me too. I had friends who told me that after girls comes to them to confess their feelings for them, they felt those girls been too straight forward and show as if they are DESPERATE!! So, isn’t it the same that guys also have their views on girls? They too will talk to their friends about it, right? At the same time, guys sometimes have their ego of wanting to make the first move and when a girl does make the first move, guys feel inferior or have ego in their head.
Well, there is no best way to equalize this as if both sides have the feelings for each other..that would be a happy ending isn’t it? Again, I guess it’s self preference!!
Hear me out! I think that guy should be the one who approaches the girl. Why? Put aside the ego issue of girl-who-approach-guy-is-cheap, it is “financially” unwise for girls to approach guys.
As you can see, in a relationship in girls’ perspective, it is a looks-trade-for-money issue. As in guys perspective, it is a money-trade-for-looks deal.
Girls’ “value” lies in their beauty, their “value” depriciates as they age. Guys’ value lies in the money they earn and the stability they provide.
Hence since girls’ value will depriciate over time, all the more girls need to present themselves as more “valuable” to guys (sell high price) by remaining cool and passive so that it is guarenteed the guy will continue to chase after her. Then, when they got married, the girl can enjoy a guarenteed luxurious life (unless the guys wants a divorce lar). It is a sell-high-price-now-then-enjoy-in-the-future thing for girls, they got to do it. haha. Even if the girl is an independent women, it would be better to get extra income from guys also right :p ? hello, who doesn’t wants more money?
If girls were to go after a guy first, this will make them appear “cheap” to guys, like they’re so desperate for guys’ money. This will scare guys away (hence gone are the girls’ extra income and luxurious life in the future).
Girls got to maintain their high-share-market-value so that more rich guys go after them. This is applicable to real business too. I mean do you see people selling shares of company who is doing very well AT A LOWER PRICE? People will start to doubt and wonder whats wrong and eventually lost confidence in buying that share. The same goes for the girls, if girls go after guys. Then the guy must be wondering the girl must have owed the loan shark a lot of money so now “sell themselves” cheap cheap. LOL!
Hence, with all the points mentioned. Girls shouldn’t approach guys first because they may lose their “financial security” (namely guys)
I think girls should make the first move as well. Why?
1. Girls’ confession are far more powerful than guys. If a girl confesses to the guy, the guy will be extra touched as he thinks that this girl is so sincere to even have the courage to confess. So she must be loving me so much. This makes the success rate higher than men’s confession
2. Nothing to lose if you confessed. If you are rejected like a stupid fool by the guy, then you need not feel sad or embarassed. It’s because these guys that takes you as a fool doesn’t worth your loving at all. At least you can know his real personality. So never mind not to own him.
3. You might loss your true love if you scare to “lose face”. Even if you are a girl, ask yourself, you want your face more, or true love more? you want your face more, or to lie on his chest more?
4. People talks about equality, girls and guys are equally in all rights. This I agree. Guys can fight for their true love, why the eastern culture only allow girls to wait? Oh no, I didn’t touch the sensitive culture issue, I just mentioned the excuses for the girls who doesn’t have enough courage.
5. Whatever the outcome is, at least you tried your best, this applies to both sexes. Do you want to feel regretted one day in the future that you didn’t confess at the right time?
6. Girls make the first move doesn’t mean to confess only.. there are alot of tricks.. like purposely bump into him? try doing something to gain his attention and care for him.. I think most girls are doing this also.. isn’t it good moves than just sit and wait. somedays later you might find yourself bring your little kitty at the beach, still finding your diamond from the sand, asking yourself, where is your Mr. Right, how come you can’t wait one.
7. Some ugly girls, or the so called dinasours may think they so ugly, sure fail if make the move. I have to say, the real beauty lies on your heart, your character. If you think you can’t gain his attention, then try to make the “first move” differently. Show him your strong points. Who knows he will just fell for your sincerity?
I don’t believe that guys should be the only ones making the first move. I’ve made the first move twice before with equal results: (initially) happy relationships.
So whoever thinks that men must always make the first move are either lazy or seriously behind the times.
Illarius,
you tok cok sit back play woman day day night night do no 3 no 4 thing in hotel you nabeh try my mother you n00b no face see people no balls no gun no bullet bo lan cannot go hantam gal cme here say sai, niamah bo lan chase girl tok tok tok, only know tok, no real kung fu, say sai,hair like kau sai, illarius got nothing else to say issit niamah! Illarius think you so smart ah, come here tok so smart oredy eh?
Different peoples different taste! it doesn’t matter who make the first move,as long as you try your best!
i doesnt really matter who makes the first move (for me), but preferably the guy lah. sometimes girls have to make the first move as well, flank your confidence, courage, personality, whatever you wanna show the guy that encompasses every other girls in the same room. girls gotta show they have, and pwn the guy they like, rather than waiting for them to come after you. what if the guy is ball-less? wouldnt it be stupid to keep waiting for him to spark things up, and probably let him slip away in the end? 😉
i have no problem making the first move, it gives me more confidence boost when the guy replies. life aint that dandy all the time ;). no pain, no gain. it’s like asking ourselves the constant “what ifs”.. what if i made the first move, what if i asked him for his number first, we could probably be together you know. if i didnt try, i wouldnt know. thats my motto. 🙂
First and foremost, it’s no wonder that a person’s looks are what first catches the attention of the opposite sex. Although looks do play a part in the game of attraction, guys are more likely to admit it but I believe it doesn’t necessarily apply to ALL girls. So, does that mean girls go for personality over looks? Most of them normally do, even though guys are skeptical about that.
As a result, this causes the guys to lose confidence, thus having a sense of strong insecurity to win the heart of the girl they desire to court. On top of that, they often feel intimidated with the supposedly high requirements / criteria made by the girl. In the end, they would not have the courage to further proceed with the courtship assuming that he isn’t compatible for the girl when the fact is she hasn’t even rejected him.
Besides, I find that men usually take generalizations literally and get pretty defensive whenever they’re rejected by the woman they have their eyes on. What’s worse is some even regard those women as being cocky, demanding or ‘playing too hard to get’ which is utterly unfair.
Since boys know physical attraction is very important to them, so they would naturally assume girls feel the same way as well. For many guys, love begins with the eye, but for many girls, it begins in the heart. That’s not something that will go out of style. It’s simply how we girls are wired by nature.
Another way in which girls and guys think alike is that both agree there’s nothing wrong with girls calling guy. In fact, most would say it’s acceptable for a girl to ask a guy out. However, as cliché as it sounds, if a girl who is interested in a guy and somehow still prefers that he do the asking, of course she should not just fold her arms doing nothing and continue looking dumb not attempting to give any positive signals. That would probably ruin the whole thing.
Instead, she should try out some words on him to stir up the boldness in the guy to make the move. By doing this, she is already indirectly making her own move as well. Sounds logic? Well, then what can she say to encourage him? Try this phrase: “There’s so much happening this weekend. Are you going to the [mall, dance, concert, party]?” After he answers, respond with: “Cool, I was thinking of going too†as a positive indication.
Now pause. This gives him the time to put two and two together. If he’s interested, he’ll come up with the right response. Just give him time. When it comes to matters of the heart, boys are not known for being fast talkers. Different guys have different ways of approach towards a girl. Therefore, it’s good for us girls to also take into consideration that not ALL guys are as bold or fast as we expect them to be.
The bottom line is, I personally think it’s not an issue whether a woman or man should make the first move to pursue himself / herself in a courtship, but it all boils down to every individual’s personality and preference. There’s simply no reason to argue ONLY guys OR girls who should be ones to take the initiative. Both should equally put in initiative and play their respective parts in putting themselves together and fear not what would be the outcome of it as it would deter the courtship to further progress.
“He plowed her and she cropped” – Shakespeare’s Antony and Cleopatra
Just as egregious as it sounds, needless to say guys should make the first move (without a shadow of doubt)
As a male myself, being EGOISTIC is of course from the days of the old, when knights were bold.
But women often mis-define the word “ego”. Sometimes, we are already striving for the best we can offer (opting for the bills, being the breadwinner, etc.) but all these is so that your girlfriend have something to be proud of…
When you are 5 decades old and when your hair highlights itself with streaks of whiteness, then you will start to ponder…Hey, I had the guts to make the first move and hey (It does’nt matter if it snows on top, as long as there is fire in the forest)
It is never easy and was never easy for us.
In a nutshell, as males – we are like puppies being thrown into a pack of wolves, going after the same meat, so being rational and having a conscience plays a pivotal role in sealing a relationship…good luck 🙂
Joshua,
Josh.cvs@gmail.com
I’ve always supported the whole girls-making-the-first-move thing. And i think it’s pathetic how girls sit and wait for someone to approach them. You’re not going to get anything if you just sit on your bum the whole time…
Unfortunately, as much as girls SHOULD make the first move, it is not easy too because there are boys out there who are still very traditional in thinking. I know some guys who think that girls who make the first move are ‘cheap’. So sometimes, the conservative culture is not making it easier for us girls to gussy up and make the first move either.
If u asked me, i say guys are suppose to make the 1st move, tho its never wrong for a girl to make the 1st move either…ppl often say that girls making the 1st move makes them look cheap, desperate and what not, but hey, we’re living in a modern age now, why still keep these traditional misconceptions? girls have equal rights to fight for their true love and lifetime happiness as well! so gals, if u find a guy that u like, i dont see why you shud not just walk up to the guy n tell him so, or put up some effort, plan for an outing, let him know u more, show him how attractive u can be!
as for guys, hints and all are the way girls play their game, they do not do it on purpose, trust me, ask any girl, its just like a schematic that kicks in whenever a guy approaches them…its as tho its a natural in built filter to filter out pervs and what-nots. so be brave!! go ask the number of the girl u like or that cute girl in ur next door class that u haf a crush on, or ur beautiful colleague that makes ur heart melt just looking at her, if its not meant to be (forever or yet), she’ll just say no, n u move on, pick urself up n keep trying till u succeed! (with the same girl or another, DO NOT stalk or persist to the point of annoyance)
and finally 1 most important point to add, always remember guys and girls, the girl/guy of ur dreams must always, ALWAYS get to know u 1st, DO NOT instantly confess if ur not even acquainted, that will be seriously freaky if a starnger came to confess to u,get to know each other 1st, or more importantly, let the one ur after know u 1st! show them ur good qualities! only after that, u shud step up a tier, and go for the next stage. 1 advice for guys, dont wait more than 3 months after getting acquainted and going out n what not tho, or they’ll take u as a fren, then ur hopes will be crushed. speaking from experience n observation here. ^_~ as for girls, theres nothing sweeter than making the guy u like fall for u, so that shall be ur aim, and its best done if u do not confess 1st, after u haf confirmed that he at least has already started to, ur journey will be smooth from then on!
of course the above 3 paragraphs only apply in a totally innocent scenario, as in the guy/girl approach the opposite sex for the interests of long term relationships and the arguable term of ‘true love’, which im not gonna argue about, and not one-nite-stands, or few nites, whichever u prefer. neither should the intention be for ‘dominance’ or ‘showing off’ just to show that u can attract for the sake of one’s self ego. and watever schematics that girls haf to filter out guys that approach them should only be a natural mechanism, not for girls to go around fooling with guy’s hearts.
as for girls/guys dat goes around dissing the opposite sex that approaches them in front of their friends are mean ppl, n haf no consideration watsoever for other ppl’s feelings. come on, guys/girls that actually does it took a hell lot of courage to actually make the 1st move, at least give them some credit for it, if u dun like him/her, tell her off in a polite way, dont go around spreading it as tho its the end of the world or sumthing. but of course once again, the above scenario only applies for innocent n sincere courtships, pervs, stalkers etc, can be treated differently, but dont go assuming everyone is one!! im sure we are all smart enuf to differentiate a faker from a sincere soul. casanovas are in an entirely different class and shall not be discussed.
so yea, ppl out there, regardless if ur guy or gal, if u think u met someone that’s worth all ur effort, go for it! go all out all-heartedly, with the purest of sincerity and truest of intentions, love hurts, and it sucks most of the times, but when ‘the one’ does arrive, it makes all sorrows n sufferings go away, and u’ll just know ‘this is why i worked so hard’
so mr.kenny sia, i kinda agreed and disagreed with u all at the same time =p i even included the how to’s…>
in my opinion,both can also make the 1st move. Why not?? cause we are EQUAL. though guys should have more guts and the like,why not girls as well? why shoul girls do things guy can’t whereas guys do things girls can’t? living in an equal world,both can be the first to take the first step and both can succeed providing they actually know what are they doing!!
whooooole-lee shit. check out the amount of people trying to get a free bottle of scented water. REAL MEN DON’T WEAR PERFUME/COLOGNE! THAT’S WHY I STINK! yeah that’s the truth so you might want to send that bottled toilet water over here so the world can be a better place. i’m starting to really reek.
anyway, i think the mentality of most asians where men must hit on the women first is a little stupid. If a Chinese fella wants to speak to a Malay dude, he does it. He doesn’t feel ashamed and nobody laughs at him if the Malay dude doesn’t reciprocate. In fact, the malay fella will just be considered arrogant, no?
I say, if you see something you fancy, go over and introduce yourself. sapu saja. whack only.
to those on the receiving end – it don’t hurt to smile and be a lil friendly now does it?
Hi,
I think it depends on the situation and of course no matter girls/boys they’re advised to go after the one they like. Nothing is wrong. But, I have a point here. Last week, me and my friends had been to Maison, and one of my friend was approaching a hot chick by treating her free drink but you know what happened after that?! The hot chick’s first question was, what car do you drive? My friend said Honda Civic and then she replied, I drive Benz CLK and pushed the drink aside. Nowadays there are so many materialistic girls, hence most of the time the guys are afraid to approach them because they think they’re not good enough to them perhaps.
But I think guys should take the initial step though because we (GUYS) have (GUTS), and this is not showing that we’re ego but our CONFIDENCE and GENTLEMEN. In fact, most of the girls are impressed with our confidence but not our appearance. And, eye contact is very important aswell. Before guy approaches a girl, he should send eye contact to the girl just to let her know your existence and you’re friendly. That’s the very first step to ask for her number. Smiles make things easier I’m pretty sure.
For girls, I admit that most of the guys won’t really appreciate the girl if she has made the initiative for the first conversation to know each other because the guy might think “she is interested on me”. When things come too easy, human being won’t really appreciate. That’s true! But I guess if the girl is interested in a guy, I think it’s not necessary for her to make the first step as she can do other actions to attract the guy in a different way.
Anyhow, guys/girls should pursue the one they love. Nothing is wrong in this world. This will definitely prevent the confusion which is very “famous” among the singles.
Rgrds.
Girls or guys should make the first move? Hrmm. It depends I guess on how you define first move. In a relationship, everything’s so subtle. Why not an inter-subjective choice?
Both guys and girls in my opinion should make moves, in giving hints and all that, and the ladies should not be too hard on the guy, like play hard to get and play around with his feelings. Sincerity is important. So ladies, if you like a guy and you are serious about him, just show it like how a man would! Show it is not to be confused with declaring it. I leave that contention to the better imagination of how readers would interpret a good act of showing is! 😉
Ultimately, my stand is the “move” in the asking a girl out context should be done by the XY element of the relationship but that itself has to be catalysed by the girl’s actions too.
Otherwise, like my friend put it, we’ll just have to take it like a man which is “curling up in bed and whining about how life is so unfair”.
Haha. 🙂
LOL it seems like everyone is trying very hard for that bottle of perfume. I am a British Chinese who have stayed in the US, Singapore and Hong Kong before. Somehow winning a girl’s heart over in Singapore or M’sia is much easier than the West or HK (that’s the worst) as long as you are OK looking (don’t need to be a leng loi or leng zai) and you show sincerity. Whereas in Hong Kong or Taiwan or maybe the West, a great deal of romance and a display of being a gentleman is required.
In M’sia when I open the car door to the passenger’s seat for a girl to get on first before I hop onto the driver’s seat, it seems odd to her for me to do so. In HK, that’s mandatory haha..So guys, pick up your courage and show your affection to you who love before you miss the chance. Of course, groom yourself nicely at all times!
Cheers!
Louis Chong
Boston, USA
Well to me, there is no right answer to this debate. From my point of view, whether the girl ask the guy first or vice versa doesnt really matter. What matters most is feelings between the 2 individual? If you have feelings for that someone, for got sake, give him or her all the hint you can afford to give(it doest cost you millions ringgit for give hints). And if that person still doesnt get it, tell that person face to face.
Like it or not, we only live once, be bold and leave the EGO aside. Its time each and everyone take charge of their future and decide who they want to spend the rest of their live with. Take charge as the future is in your own hands.
Girls should make the first move.
1)Like what females always say,”we’re living in a new generation,guys should do the household chores”
so if we can do the household chores,girls can and should make the first move?
2)the population ratio of a female to a male is 3:1(if they don’t it’s either never or too late)
3)most guys are shy.(yes all we do is hangout at the cyber cafe when you girls spend your wild night out at the club at ladies’ night
4)Most girls have a higher annual income than guys.They are in control,not us.
5)The pick up lines don’t work anymore,it is the seduce and hit up action that works.
ah, i still think it takes two to tango(just like the advert on Hugo)
one just have to be able to feel it strong enough to start “tangoing”
anyhow girls being the more ‘timid’ may find it harder, else i think it’s cool girls were to make first move. Bring it on !
One must remember that women are not better or worse than men. They are just.. different! But I’ve been thinking, it is true that women are more special than men. Look, there’s X in ur XY but there’s definitely no Y in XX! If you got what i mean. They are the ones who will produce your successors and you should treat them good right from the beginning.
In the animal kingdom, it’s always the males who make the moves, right? (not 100% though) I’m not saying that we should lower ourselves down to the animal level. But doesn’t it somehow hint us about the plan of the universe?
p/s: It’s always the arrow that flies to its target, not the otherway round 😉 Ah well, the answer is right under your tummy..
what i do believe is that both girl and guy can make a move to the person that they really admire and desire to be with as its a new era of belief and we are not like what back in the old days where only guys make their move.
Today it is appropriate and right thing to make a move to someone we adore no matter a girl or a guy as happiness is for us to grab not to wait your whole age till it happen to you or it may not even happen to you. The best for girl to do is by giving hints to let that some guy to know you are interested with him or it doesn’t keep him aware then just go for him. There is nothing to be shy or embarrassed of as in the end happiness is in your hand or if get rejected it may be the time to show how brave you are in dealing with it and you may think it is worth to do at least he know that you are into him.
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THIS IS NOT A SPAM, THIS WILL PUT A FINE REST TO YOUR EYES. TOO MANY WORDS WILL MAKE YOU GO DIZZY.
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NEITHER should make the first move.
The decision on whether one should or should not make the first move has NOTHING to do with gender! It depends on the feelings and the chemistry two people share. If either one clicks, then the move is made.
Simple as that.. 😉
Guys should make the first move, but only if the girl follows up with the second move. Girls should make the first move only if the guy she’s interested in isn’t gonna make the first move. There!
I think guys should be the one to make the move.
The confidence and courage we apply to ourselves should come along with the risk taking attitude.
Why? I mean,seriously girls who go around making the first move are bound to be flirtish…thats just society nowadays…people think that way and poof, it becomes a fact.
Guys are already known for being perverts(all guys are :D) asking numbers from girls…so i don’t think a little bit of embarrassment risk will do much to harm our pride…if its a flat no, then its a no then…there are other girls around! (:
I think we should stick to the conventional way where guys are the ones who makes a move.. afterall, we are the ones having balls hanging from our crotch, that should say something about our ego: we are not afraid to hang it all out on the line.
It all falls down to our gender roles. No matter how advanced we become as a society, there are still expectations that border our actions.
As the male, we are not allowed to express weakness.
As the male, we are not allowed to have emotion other than aggression.
As the male, we cannot cry.
As the male, we are expected to initiate contact because that is the norm of our society.
But all is not lost, the situation does improve. Today’s society allows for the opposite to occur. Women are asking men out all the time. It is no longer taboo. But it is still rare.
The only way we can perpetuate and accelerate this change in human behavior would be to risk staying single and wait for an interested female to initiate the relationship.
But I’d rather not, eh?
Well like you said Kenny, it is the 21st century and your idea is outdated. It’s happening already! Girls have been asking me out! I’m serious! Well, maybe I’m attractive that’s why LoL =X
I mean, being a guy myself, I feel like we have nothing to lose to ask a girl out, whereas girls would have everything to lose. Girls are more sensitive than us guys (well, most of us guys). Rejection would be a blow to their face, thus they end up eating more chocolates, thus they put on weight, hence losing all the confidence in the world. But with us guys, rejection is what defines us being a guy. See, if this world is filled with girls with more confidence, it’ll mean that they’ll eat less chocolate, it’ll also mean that the fishes in this see will all look like Nemo instead of a puffer fish (not implying that bigger girls are ugly).
If one day, we were to wake up to a world where girls are the ones who by convention, asks a guy out, it’ll be disastrious. It’ll be like a butterfly effect to hell. Guys would all lay back and do nothing and wait for an Angelina Jolie to drop from the sky. Even if Angelina Jolie falls onto our laps, she’d run at the sight of a pimply and fat bum (from all that laying back and doing nothing)
I see asking girls out as an exercise. It works my mind. If I haven’t asked any girls out in my entire life, I think I’d be a fat slob, eating chips and still… waiting for Angelina Jolie to pop out. Now though, I have the best girlfriend any guy could ask for and damn I’m glad that I made the move
KennySia said: “Do you know why there are so many single men and women around?”
The answer is, all handsome men have boyfriend(s), that is why there is so many single women around.
Well all this saying about whether should a girl make the first move or wait for the guy is a long term debate already. Saying that guys have a lot to lose when he goes up to a lady asking her for a drink, isn’t really true also. I highly doubt that the girl would do what you had describe in your entry. No sane sober mature girl would do that (unless they are still in high school and complain/giggle at every small thing that happens, or under the influence of alcohol). Instead I think they would either say “no… I don’t think so” and just leave it at that. There is nothing to brag about, we have more gossips to talk about. In the girl side too, I personally would try to know the guy that I’m interested in, whether or not we have similar interests or whether we clicked or not. Only then, when we are acquaintances, thats why the first moves come in. Plus if the guy is into the girl, I doubt he would let her go without a first date. =)
In the midst of these arguments, we seem to have forgotten that no matter how different we are, we still can’t live without the other sex, that includes friendships too (like your friendship with Nicole). It really doesn’t matter who makes the first move cos every relationships are different and as long as the two is happy in their own definition when they are together, then its all good.
I think I will wait for a guy to make the first. I know that I’m very scared of making the first move, rejection fears me the most. And i know that I’m guilty of going back to my girlfriends and giggle about a guy who liked me when i was in school.
No matter how cute the guy is, I’ve never made the first move…Its even more scary to make a move on a guy who’ve you’ve known for a while…The lost of a friendship over a relationship always discourages me to make the first move..Cuz i know how weird it is being friends after you tell the opposite sex that you like him/her but he/she doesn’t feel the same about you…
I know that its the 21st century, but if a girl makes the first move…the guys would think the girl is “easy”…And i know that guys love the thrill of a chase….
first time leaving comment…
wat should i say…
irregardless of guy or gal, if u think u really can’t get the opposite party off ur mind, go ahead and make the 1st move, rather than sitting there n hoping for miracle. once and for all… positive outcome?congrats! happily ever after (maybe) ; negative? sorry for u, heh, it means time to move on!
as for guys with their philosophy of ‘it’s all abt the chase’thingie, fair enough, just go ahead and continue the fun.
same for gals too who are expert in the hinting skills, keep the joy going.
everyone has their own way of leading their lives…
The government should make a move! They should have more singles party and event where people are forced to make a move on each other! Lol
I’ve always wondered what it would be like to have been born a guy and being expected to make the first move. Asking the girl on dates and paying for the date… you know having good general fun at my expense. And then I realize hey why can’t a girl do that? Why can’t a girl walk up to a guy and ask a guy out? What’s the problem really? Honestly, guys have it easy with the whole asking out deal… With the expectation of having to wait for someone to ask you out, a girl risks the chance, what if NO ONE asks her out? Tis sad. I think it’s alright and it should be accepted… not because I’m a feminist… but I feel sorry for the girl who got no one asking her out. Why should only the guys have the benefit of asking for a date? Am I making any sense? Anyway… I so both should go for it and the guy shouldn’t be too proud if the girl wants to pay this time around for that date… and girl don’t be too shy lah. This is the 20th century, guys maybe attracted to the shy-quiet feminine types… but why risk the chance of being a wallflower?
Call me traditional, but in my personal opinion, it should definitely be the guy to ask a girl out first.
If girls were the ones to ask guys out, then the whole idea of “chasing” or “tackling” a girl is lost. Love would become such an uncomplicated, straight forward thing. I mean, what is love without some heartaches; or even the sense of victory when the girl of your dreams finally falls for you? Life would only serve to become dull and mundane. =/
After all, what is life without a little drama to spice things up? 😛
If love were so simple, even pigs could love. The ultimate test of a man’s manhood is not size, not shape, nor stamina, but instead having the balls to go up to a girl and ask her out. We don’t want us boys to be called “hum ji” now, do we?
Stereotypes, stereotypes..
There is NO rule dictating that guys MUST make the first move. Also, there is NO rule dictating that girls CAN’T make the first move. Therefore, ANYONE is entitled to make the first move, regardless of their gender.
It’s the 21st century! Gender equality, feminism, girl power sound familliar? It takes a confident, sexy, attractive female to show a guy she’s into him. Trust me, it’s a turn on like no other.. How do I know? My success rate is 100% so far!
In theory, it’s perfectly alright for girls to ask guys out. It’s the 21st century after all. We’re not supposed to be confined by our gender anymore.
However, the last time I made the first move the guy was the one who went and told all his friends and I ended up being ridiculed for being ‘desperate’. Gender roles reversed indeed.
So who should make the first move? It actually depends on the situation i.e. who has more balls. Ideally though, one should get to know the person of interest better and, hopefully, meet somewhere in the middle so that no one gets humiliated by being called ‘desperate’.
In the event that the above tactic fails, a robust sense of humour would be useful. =)
In my opinion, when you (refer to both sexes) like someone, go ahead and tell him/her without weighing the pros and cos. Do it and get the answer instead of guessing of what we would become IF i’ve told her for the rest of the life or something. Its better to regret of getting rejected by telling someone you like/interested/love then to forever not know the answer of what we would have become at the end of the day as this will bothers you for a very very long time maybe for the rest of your life whereby the regret part of getting rejected its no big deal. Time will heals and who cares about what other people think as long as you know you did the right thing and she/he is the one you want.
Depends on the situation…
How a guy or girl react towards a situation tells alot about that person’s character/personality. 😉
Who would want an insecure gf/wife who thinks such and such or too independent gf/wife who just thinks selfishly…?
If a lady likes a man, she should tell him… if a man likes a lady, he should tell her… I believe in the 21st century there shouldnt be any ambiguity or games of hard to get… get your point across and if its meant to be, its meant to be if not, there are always more fish in the ocean.
It’s not about who should who should make the first move, it’s about making it count. Guys and gals are equal nowadays, it doesn’t really matter. But to make it count, patience and timing is the key, allow nature to take its course. Being friends for a few more months is no big deal if both are destined to become lovers for life, and so there’s no need to hurry.
okay.okay.
i always confess my feelings to the dude…(but its not that many times..2-3 times??)…it turns out i’ve always read them wrongly,they viewed me as a damn good friend/or sister…..Did it kill me…telling them?Yes,most of the time it broke me down emotionally.Coz i wouldn’t randomly tell someone i was veryvery fond of them. Its not what a gurl does.
Well,what are my thoughts about never having any sucess?It is silly of course….i have never ever gotten FLAT OUT rejected,so i guess that helps….And i don’t think i am despo,i care for people much more easily thats all ( be it male/female…but not as in lesbians) and i can’t help but make it known that i care…..But of course,i do supposed i have the wrong idea that every dude i care for is the dude i wanna date.That i’m screwing up.
Bar scene?NO,gurls shouldn’t ask the guy out.Its uncalled for.
Guys being ridiculed by a female?….well,honestly,i wouldn’t do that….But there was once i had too.The guy was a jerk.Rude,insensitive jerk.
I thought I’d just share how my husband and I got together.
We were from two very different groups and many years ago he approached me.. At that time I rejected him without a second thought because in my view we were so completely different and yes I did go back to my friends and told them about him and I did think he was a loser… Anyway, he kept asking me and I kept rejecting him, in a very straightforward way, I was giving him no hope whatsoever but somehow he just persevered… This went on for 4 years, this guy just didn’t give up. Like I wouldn’t hear from him for many many months and then he’d say hi again… sometimes try to ask me out…
Anyway for some reason I got a little curious after 4 years… like why is this guy so stubbornly pursuing me… very flattering of course but I always felt like he doesn’t even know me, why is he doing this. Maybe if he knew me a little better he’d finally leave me in peace. So eventually we started to email each other and then chat over the internet… and eventually we met for our first date…
Now we’ve been married 2.5 years and I’m pregnant with our first baby!
I’m not saying that any of you guys out there should be asking the same girl out for 4 years! It’s pretty freaky.. but just because the girl thinks you are a loser in the beginning doesn’t mean that she will always think of you that way… And girls, sometimes it’s the guys who seem to be like losers who have the most to offer and who will outshine all the “cool” guys.
That’s the way society has always been. Just live with what you have and be confident.
go ahead and make a move, whether u r a guy or a girl.
if u never give urself a chance, how could possibly chances jus come towards u.
u neva try u neva noe, sumtimes things happens better than u expected. 😉
so dun care guy or girl, jus make ur move.
“Men are like floor tiles. If you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them for years”
if you expect a women to make the first move, you can expect her to order you around for the rest of your life. If the men makes the first move, chances are, he’s more daring and manly in the relationship. So sometimes the person who makes the first move can determine who is the dominant one in the relationship. I’m sure Eve didn’t make a move on Adam; so why should we change natures course? =)
This is the year 2007. Not 1897 yes? Men and women are equal. Why shouldn’t a woman make the first move? Is it because it’s “inproper”? “Inappropriate”? Not “ladylike”?
Bullshit la.. This is old school thinking. No place for it in the 21st century.
If a man feels threatened by a woman who does so, what does is say about him?
For one thing, men who feel threatened by confident women have issues with insecurity even if they don’t know it or even know what it is.
Personally, I would feel quite flattered if a woman approaches me and says hi. It’s a happened to me a few times already and it’s a nice feeling.
Instead of saying yes or not, y not do a survey, does a majority of relationship that a girl approached the guy last longer or vice versa? I believe this will be the best way to find out!!
By the way comment on 23 October 2007 7:54 AM is me.
hmmm such a long winded story just to tell the girls to approach you is it???
Lots of differing opinion above. In all 3 of my relationships, we’ve always started out as friends and then hints from both sides and a mutual agreement to get together. Never had the guy ask first or girl ask first.
Everyones different, I’ve always gone dutch, I don’t think it’s fair for the guy to foot the bill (the malaysian guys found this strange but were quite happy about it once they got used to it). Unless you’re in a long term relationship and you’re both happy with one party paying all the time.
Crushes don’t count, cos when I have a crush, I do not intend to get together with them, it’s like having a crush on James McAvoy (curent crush, hubby doesn’t mind) but nothing will ever come out of it.
If you like someone, get to know them first, then ask them out, regardless of whether you’re the guy or the girl. If you don’t, someone else will and you’ll have lost your chance.
Re: the gossip. Guys are equally bad gossipers as girls. Most of my friends are guys and I always get my updates from them. You will get talked about, heck, you might already be talked about. Not a big deal.
Essay liaw… time to stop.
Truth is; People who are attracted will let each other know by body language. An inviting glance or a friendly smile is a Decent invitation to initiate contact. Whatever developes after, friends, lovers, hostilities, or nothing, depends on Compatability and Conduct. People give off Pheramones(check spelling),scentless,unseen but identifyable something which attract members of the opposite sex.
Saving Face is juvenile thinking, and if it becomes an issue, it’s because the person you approached was not worth the effort. To ridicule anyone for Liking you is to display a severe Lack of Class, unless of course their interest was couth-deficient.
Guy who relies on displaying his bulge has lots to learn about women, and woman who deliberately sits in a manner to give guys the fat-eye has much to learn about self-worth.
Speaking from an adult perspective of course.
Friend or Lover is a Very,Very delicate line to maintain. I have some very attractive female friends with whom I would never contemplate sex for fear it would ruin a beautiful friendship.
Want to really learn about women? Don’t ask a guy, he only knows what works for himself.
Its the old argument innit? Whether boys should really be spared the humiliation of getting turned down by a ‘pack’ of girls is really immaterial at this point. But I do share your point that girls should take more responsibility in initiating interest, body language doesn’t work on guys especially when clothes are still involved, (ifyaknowataimin).
I’ve been in two relationships where the women were the initiator and was pleasantly surprised to know that they felt that way considering my lack of self esteem at the time (we were all emo boys at some point). The first case was rather amusing because after a month of trying to send me “signals” the girl just got frustrated and spelled it out in which I replied “Oh, really? Well, why didn’t you just say so?” that didn’t go down too well with her and it took me another two months to get her interest back. So much for uncrossing legs.
Well, now that I think back, I couldn’t believe such a ‘loser’ and shy girl then (I’m talking about myself) would make the first move :p It’s not like an obvious first move but, it’s good enough to make myself noticed. He was my colleague and he was new. I offered to show him where he could open the bank account and we went for lunch. Another thing I remember was, I once gave him this piece of paper with dirty jokes :p He found that so funny.
And on another occasion, I literally ‘jumped right in front of him’ and said ‘Hey! Let’s go for a movie!’. He just said sure!….. and we went to watch ‘Babe’ (of all movies :p).
… and guess what? He’s my hubby now 😉 and we’ve been together for 12 years now. And it all started with a dirty joke… and Babe… :p
On the other hand, I got a guy friend who told me he got approached by a girl. I gotta bravo that girl for her guts. They met at an event. She asked for his number, asked him out for a drink etc… and oh my.. she even held his hand on their first outing!?
My guy friend, on the other hand, is freaking out cuz’ she’s just not his cup of tea and he’s been thinking of a way to send that message without hurting her feelings.
So, I guess girls can also make the first move. But.. be it guy or girl, one will always feel kiasu incase, they got rejected. But, if you’re accepted… woohooo!
So.. the choice is yours and how much you want to know that person. I also got to say that.. things do happen when you least expect it 😉 Don’t think of yourself as a loser all the time. You’ll never know….
Men=Women. Doesnt matter who make the 1st move. As long as in the end, both people happy. Thats the most important thing.
hmm..2me guy can alwiz make the 1st move, coz if you fail! then u move on or prey your next target..muahahaha, also even now is 2007, but girl in MY particular still cannot accept the idea of them making de 1st step, like “if they made the 1st step then they have 2 hide in the rabbit hole for so many years before they can come out and “meet” ppl again! or else they will call themselves “black oil pail” even others din say it..so in a nutshell, most of the time if guys din make the 1st move then the conclusion is “Eh, last time i wan taker her 1, but now she is tat “fei cai” gf liao, coz the “fei cai” tummy skin is thicker than me!”..=)
It hasn’t been that long since when men had to use a club to boink a gal over the head and drag her back to the cave. Normally, a loving conversation would be like “Me Og, you have my baby!!”…our ancestor dated…let’s called it a night out “Clubbing” due to biological urges to have babies
But things has progressed..a bit…now probably you’ll have gals armed with cutesy dresses, long flowing hair, nice “parfume”. When guys make the first move..are you really making the first move on your own free will or is it that you are completey manipulated by the female of the species.
Think my brothers.but either way…it’s still the same…smells, sights, feels still dominate on how we choose each other.
I have been approaching the guys i like all my life…and every single time they either give me a cold shoulder, go weird on me by totally avoiding me…or they will go babbling to their guy friends like a teenage school girl!~
If they sort of like you, they play hard to get especially when u ask them out…they will come out with excuses of being busy etc. Or worse yet, they go for dinner with you once and then do the dissappearing act!
In fact come to think of it, they behave exactly the way you guys accuse girls of!
Some guys even told me that as a girl I am coming on too strongly by asking them out and they feel threatened…jeez! Why can’t you men make up ur mind? You ppl always say you love gals asking u out but in the end u guys get so freaked out you bail!
And honestly I have been rejected so many times that i no longer have a thick skin!In fact I think I don’t have much face left to lose…
There is once in which I got so fed up with dropping hints to this guy that I am free for dinner tonight and waiting for him to ask me out! So out of desperation and exasperation I said to him “So are you going to ask me out or not?” and that did the trick and we have a really nice dinner! =)
All I can say is, keep on believing and be relentless of ur pursue to happiness and maybe you will strike gold one day! =P
I believe either you are a guy or girl…JUST ASK THEM OUT! If they said no then go out with your friends instead!
Good Luck everyone!
Hehehe… i think its definitely changing. Heck, my ex was the one who asked for me to her bf. Oh wait, maybe thats why she’s now my ex T_T
To get back to the point, women are becoming more independent. And after my friends (women mostly) found out wat my ex did, it changed their perception on “guys making the 1st move” thing. Some of them even tried it out =)
Gilrs have nothing to lose, well, maybe she might be called a slut for doing so, but thats very rare and i know most men will be very happy if the girls approach them. It will make them more confident and to a certain extent, their ego =P but this will lead to the men getting more courage to ask the girl out =)
I know most women prefer being traditional (wrong word, maybe old romance, aiyah…u get wat i mean), BUT we men are actually lacking in confidence when it comes to asking a girl out (i know a guy whose like that even though he’s well equipped =P)
When women make the 1st move, it gives me men the confidence & in turn they can make the 1st move (the next time of course) =D
you know how there are some girl that looks so so and you wouldn’t mind dating and there are some girls that you would do anything to ask out on a date.
if a so so girl ask me out on a date, things might work out.. but for the really hot one, i would definitely have to go. you never try you never know :0
Wow quite the controversial topic here eh o.0
Although being a girl may not entirely make me understand the female species, I know that sometimes girls have bigger egos than boys. No offence 😛
It just depends on the individual person, really. I HATE making the first move..and sometimes when us girls talk among ourselves, we usually send the indiect msg of “we want guys to make the first move”.
Besides, if a girl decides to spread things about the guy she just turned down, move on cos she’s not a nice person!!
Well, on a personal level, when a girl goes up to a guy and asks HIM out on a date/to be her boyfriend/just to hook up, don’t you think it’s similar to a guy losing face in the ‘get-rejected-by-a-girl’ field? In a sense, they see you as totally hopeless to the point where THEY have to be the ones initiating contact.
If girls around Kuching were more bold, I think society’s in for a big change! Because it has always been (and always will be) for girls to be the meeker, more docile partner in the relationship – and a move such as to ask a guy out instead of it being the other way around simply crushes that label.
It all depends – would YOU as a guy prefer women who are more brash? Would you rather her be more open and suggestive than you? That’s the deciding factor. Its a give and take situation here, people!
u looked like a dweeb in the old days lol
Yes! I agreed 100% with Kenny! Girls should make the first move! Please don’t left all the shy guys(ahem ahem, myself) to continue on being single…
I believe it is not the matter of which gender should make the first move. If you like someone and think you want to try your luck, then just go ahead. Girl or guy. Of course, it is not fair that it should be the guy always making the first move, but then guys cannot blame the girls for not making the first move sometimes because guys TOO can GOSSIP.
Not all guys are good enough to not brag about which and how the girl(s) hit on them. Sometime, guy tends to perasan sendiri jugak. Like saying some girls trying to hit on them, say the girl cheap la by making the first damn move by chatting or anything.
Yeah, maybe guys don’t share on how the girl trying to make first move and brag about it, but they can go and brag about how they score with the girl in the bedroom with their guy friends. AND they can discuss every single damn detail. Like they have no respect for the privacy they share with the girl.
So my point is that guys can be just like girls – go brag or gossip about the chicks who try to hit on them.
And thus, to be fair, if you like the person, then just go ahead if you have enough confidence. Don’t need to mind about losing your face, being call as cheapo or anything. If you are ready to risk all that to make the first move to the person you like that is.
If the girl really likes the boy, then she should gather the courage tell him, rather than let him slip away in the end. I was actually in this situation before when i was still studying in college.
But of course, there are many reasons why a girl would not want to go straight up to the boy and say ‘ Hey, I kinda fancy you’ straight to his face. For me, it was fear of rejection(what if he does not respond to my feelings?) Humiliation, ( Hey! You think only girls will flock around her friends and start taking about the person who made a move on her? Boys are equally guilty of that sin ok!)and most importantly…the boy was ( and still is) my friend. It i should tell him my feelings, what would happen to our friendship! He’ll never speak to me again!!! But in the end, i figured, hey, there is nothing to lose, if he doesn’t speak to me again after knowing my true feelings, then he does not even care about our friendship, hence, he is not even worth sheding a tear over. But..if I don’t tell him, and he ends up with someone else, then I’m gonna end up kicking myself in the ass everyday for the rest of my life!
So…to conclude this story, I did tell him in the end, and all though nothing romantic ever happened between us later , we still remained as friends, and at least I can say that i was brave enought to have tried. And nothing was lost in the end!
First time commenting, and since there is a contest, I will post 😛 Anyway, I did a post related to this a couple of days ago, with my own comments and my readers comments. Can I just submit the link here? Haha. http://ngieng.blogspot.com/2007/10/choose-love-me-more-or-love-you-more.html
As much as the guys boast of having egos as big as their ‘u know what’, ladies do have ego as well when it comes to making the first move.
Being in the new millennium does not change our culture much in terms of courtship. It is still romantic to see guys making the 1st move instead of the girls. However, girls too need to drop a few obvious hints, they can tell the guys that they like them but at the same time the guys have to pandai pandai take the hint la. Polish your flirt radars man!
It takes a lot of courage for either party to make the 1st move, therefore credit those who made/ making/ plan to make the 1st move. Cheers!
When a guy hint to a girl (a lot of time quite direct), if a girl is interested too, the easy thing for the girl is just to say “yes” or “agreed”. He may suggest a few things to do, eg. movies, dinners, outings, if you say yes to all his suggestions, that’s already a green light that a girl is interested in him too. This would give courage to the guy to proceed on the courting games. I would say it takes two to tango.
However, I noticed that Asian guys are normally very shy. They don’t even hint sometimes! so, girls, make your first move. Suggest a movie? or hang out? if he say “yes” many times to your suggestions that’s a sign that he at least “likes” you. I think guys do not waste their time hanging out with girls that they have no interest in. So, the only thing we need to know better after a few hang out if that is just purely platonic or.. it’s a romantic relationship. Either one of you must have the courage to ask. If you shy to ask question, then you will never get the answer. This – applicable to both gender.
i think it is alright for girls to approach guys. i mean, what’s so shy about it if you like him and you think he doesn’t mind. as long as the girl is not seen as over aggressive (e.g stalking him) or when there are signs that he’s not into you. otherwise i think it is ok to drop a hint, smile a smile, and please…..no hair flipping pleaaassse… afterall, happiness is in your own hands. so go grab your man girl!!
To me, it does not matter who make the first move, the thing that does matter to me is we dont want to live regretting not telling our so call ‘love interest’ about our feelings. Fear not of rejection, but fear for regrets. With rejection, at least we get the answer, but with regrets, we will keep on guessing with the ‘what if’ questions.
So girl and boys, dont live to regret. ^^
Of course now, we live in a time where independant single mothers and women in high career positions are common. From the comments alone, it is easy to note that they are also thought of to be as aggressive in their dating life as they are in all other aspects of their life.
Of course there are aggressive women out there who take the lead in the direction of dating but they are rare and few. Women in general shy away from being the initiators in the dating scene.
It’s a man’s job to ask the woman out on a date. Period.
There is no question that making the first move is nerve wrecking. However, as nerve wrecking as it is, there are reasons behind it. For one, a woman can tell better about the personality of the man by the way he talks and his body language. Women were designed that way since millions of years ago to identify and pick out the potential suitor for the betterment of herself and their future offsprings. Back to the point. So she knows if he’s insecure, confident, or maybe too confident just from the approach.
For example, if she gets approached at a club and he bores her to tears with a dumbass sales-like ton or making out 99 reasons why she should be falling head over heels with him, will show 2 super unattractive qualites.
inscure + overconfident.
The alert levels are still there, even on the first date. The test is still on. Planting a hug or kiss at the end of the date without asking will earn him bonus points while asking whether if he can do this or that will not. If he passes the test, he’ll not have to be so tensed up during date 2 and date 3. For any outing after date 1 may see her making the first move.
So this is one of the reasons why she doesn’t make the first move. He is designed to hunt. So it is in men’s nature to look around, see someone he likes and win her over.
And in order to win her over, confidence is not what a man needs. It’s competence. A man will want to approach a woman with the necessary skillset rather than approaching with a blank but high in confidence. As a general overall, in order to succeed in the approach, a man need only be natural, friendly, NOT goal oriented but engaging in conversation with her. And if she sends signals over for you to approach, all the better.
If its a white guy they dont need to ask. Asian girls just throw themselves at Orang Putih and forget about us asian guys.
Alright,for me I think both guys and girls can make the first move.I mean is a free world isnt it?You have to chase for your own happiness.They dont come falling from the sky.It is not easy to find someone whom you really really like and just because of the shyness or the girl waiting for the guy to confess or the guy waiting for the girl to confess in the end both parties get nothing.No girlfriend or no boyfriend.
Who knows that when you make the first move things actually work out??Who knows that actually the person you have a crush on actually likes you too??No one knows.If you dont try there is 0% of chance and if you try there is at least 50-50 of chance.
So what if the guy or the girl who makes the first move.No big deal.Even if you were being rejected at least you did try and in future you wont regret regardless the gender.And if you failed,and the person goes around telling people that you are a loser then the person is not worth falling in love with and be thankful that you’ve actually seen his/her true colour.
I,myself did make a first move before.Although that guy didnt say he likes me or he dislikes me at least I did make the first move.nothing to be embarrased with.It did take lots of courage to confront him.It took quite a long time and thinking like what am i going to say,how is he going to react,what am i going to do if he reject me straight,what if other people finds out and etc.Although we didnt manage to be couple but we are still friends.At least I’ve expressed my feelings and I feel so much better after that.After one year,I’m still waiting for him and hope that he will like me one day.
In my opinion, the society’s norm is always centred on the guy being the one to make the first move. Although that is the most common situation, there are girls who are brave and bold enough to make the first move and aren’t afraid about it, though it takes a whole lot of pluck and courage to do that.
Whether or not the guy or girl should make the first move, it depends on who’s bolder/braver, if not no one is going to confess anything to each other. Perhaps girls would make the first move when they are comfortable with the guy as a friend or best friend. The same probably applies to guys as well.
As for gossiping, girls do tend to gossip about but that is not the case all the time. If a guy hits on a girl, majority of the time she’ll tell it out to her girlfriends. I think its the same for guys too, except that they don’t go into intrinsic details like how the girl confess or said or what a loser she is etc etc.
Just my opinion 😉
Well,I guess the gals should make the first move.Guys are simple,they like u,they confess.If they dont,they’ll tell you straight away.i agree guys dont tell other guy that “this gal is chasing me..owh,she confessed to me”.guys dont tell other guys their secret
But girls,sometimes they dont even know what they want.And sumtimes they find it hard to reject guys,so they let u be her bf for few days and then..tells u that she cannot see u in her future.And that…makes the guy think that she’s making a fool out of him
So conclusion.gals make the move.guys bring them out for date(if both click).simple isnt it?
For me, it doesn’t matter who should make the first move. If you got feeling on him or her, just tell it out and make the first move. don’t care whether u are a guy or girl. If not, who knows in the next minute others will appproach him or her?
I dont have the nerve to ask any girls out, and judging by how i look, i dont think i’ll be getting any invitations either. reckon the cologne can make me more desirable? if so… i neeeed it!!
I have to disagree with you. Everyone’s got an ego. Guys and gals. Everyone’s afraid of rejection, not just men, women too.
I dont think its right to ‘delegate’ the rejection to women just cos men are ‘afraid of rejection’.
You are just saying that cos are a guy. Men these days have it easy due to the 9gal:1guy ratio. They have the luxury of taking their own sweet time cos as long as they can wait long enough, somehow or rather, some gal (who’s gutsy enough/who’s been brainwashed by the its-ok-to-go-after-guy idea) will muster enough courage to get the ball rolling and *wala*……..you get a girl!! Easy breezy. right? nil rejection and zero capital outlay cos no flowers/valentines/birthday presents involved.
Food for thought. Do you think the expectation of men for gal to go after them will be as high if the ratio was 9guys:1gal in Malaysia ??? They will be scrambling all over the place to grab a gal before its too late i tell ya….
Men should do wat a man should do and vice versa. Dont get me wrong for i am an advocate of gender equality.
Women never expect men to give birth on their behalf, and had never asked for the invention of drug which will enable men to suffer from monthly menstruation.
So why should men expect women to go after them? Its men’s job. Embrace it. The multiple rejections from women is a learning process to make a man out of you.
p/s : Kudos to women who got their men by making the first move. If the gal has the guts & confidence, then why not? Go ahead. I respect women like that. You should be rewarded for getting you man and knowing what you want.
I think girls should definately not make the 1st move because I have experienced it before. I have a guy friend whom I know for more than 8 years since high school until unversity. He has been chasing me the 1st time he saw me in peralihan class until form 5 but i rejected him as I have bf. In college year, I was so shocked when I step into the class on the 1st day, he took the same course at the same college (I never told anyone about my course except my parents) is this fate or what, and there he is, continue to chase me for another 3 years until I finished diploma but I rejected him again and he continued to chase me until university. He’s always there for me when I’m stressed with workload. Eventually, I accepted him, I think any girls would accept a guy who had chased her for more than 8 years non-stop. One day he told me, if I had accepted him easily, he would not have apreciated this relationship.It makes him understand how important I am to him.
Making the move has always been perceived to be a guy’s job and I’m one of them who was a true believer until 4 years ago. I was single, haven’t been with anyone for over 6 months, and I was out on that night just for the usual clubbing. But mind you, I was innocent and young and wasn’t in touch with the clubbing scene at all. However, it was also that night that I met my current boyfriend of 4 years and it is all now a reality because I made the first move. That night, I couldnt help being drawn to him. I kept doing the usual, trying to be sexy, confident and smiley. By the end of the night, we exchanged numbers and I was estatic. However, he never called back for the longest time! It may not seem long to anyone else but it was to me! So, with no credit in my phone, I used my cousin’s phone and messaged him. That was the start..
Now, whenever we talked about it. I have always reminded him of his slow reaction in initiating the first move, However, he has always assured me that if it wasn’t for my first move, we wouldn’t have these last 4 years and still counting.
SO, if you ask me whether a girl should make the first move, I would strongly urge all girls to trust your instincts and heart. If they are good and strong.. Go for it. You’ll never know what you might find..
In older time, maybe when a girl makes the first move, its sounds like the girl is “cheap”. No dignity. Somehow, this concept still exist in this century, but not to all.
To be fair, if there’s chemistry between the male and the female or the male and the male or the female and the female.. okay, whoever it is, its still depend on “FATE”. Its destine to meet someone in your life, no matter how you hide, which corner of the world you will still find your other half.
If you are really in love with someone,or have crush with someone, no matter is a He or She, be brave to express your love, who takes the first move does not matter at all. If you are really in love with someone, you actually don’t mind how he/she embarrass u in front of the crowd or what, at least if you can overcome the embarrassment, its proven, you are serious towards this relationship!
Someone who does not appreciate your love does not worth for you to love too.
Being love, is a kind of happiness. Loving someone is also a kind of happiness too.
For those who are single out there, be brave to express your love before its too late. For those who are in love, appreciate your love, its easy to say IloveYou before its too late too. You might not know the power of love until you are really in love. Trust me, be initiative its not something bad. Else, you’ll regret for the rest of your life.
Even you failed once, at least you tried. Its a sweet remembrance that you will keep in your heart forever and ever. So what to do next? Go express your love to your love ones lar! 🙂
Interesting topic, though not entirely new. It’s been discussed for hours by males everywhere, though the answer remains a mystery.
I would like to add my own personal experience. I believe that it is inherently easier for a girl to approach a guy first than vice versa.
A guy would be delighted if a girl approaches him, regardless of how she looks like, because it doesn’t happen all the time. Even if he reject her, she wouldn’t be the butt of jokes amongst his friends. Instead, the focus would be ON HIM, as one of the few guys who gets the attention of girls.So girls shouldn’t be worried about getting rejected, because hey, we don’t really care about you;)
Girls, on the other hand, will focus on the suitor. So there’s more potential embarassment for guys.
Cheers…
of course guys should make the first move!!! tats why gods give us men balls n girls… get it!!!
It’s all depends on personality. You will not come to an agreement about who should make a move first. This is the thing, if a girl make the first move, some guys will say “that girl so agressive and act like a slut by flirting around” – hence girl bridge the “old fashion rule” because of guy’s pride wanting to be a gentleman. If a guy make the first move especially to a popular & pretty girl “huh who do think you are, wanting to go out with me, loser!”. See… at the end of the day it all depends on personaliy. Girls if you think you like a shy guy, make the first move. Guys if you think you have the guts to make the first move, go ahead.
I’ll be honest with you. If you dun try, you will neva know. Just ask for her phone number, it’s not that bad, she’ll probably give u for 2 reasons.
1, she likes you, good sign.
2, she thinks you can be a friend, you dun look like a stalker.
If she don’t give you, you can alwiz say you just want to be friends and you want to keep in touch. Lame but works.
If she goes around telling ppl about u hitting on her, be glad you didn’t hook up with her.
I did experience before, where a girl made the move 1st, and she’s my classmate. Tru phone some more. However, she was not my type & has bad attitude, so I reject her straight with a resounding NO. She was speecless, her voice trembling. We didnt talk for quite a time and never keep in touch anymore. I still remember that was 4 years ago when I was going to sit for my STPM. Guys do have heart to reject the girl they don’t like. It’s guys’ right to do so.
Should men make the first move?
Since caveman age, men have been the hunter and the one that brings home the dough. Men strive on challenges – it’s what makes them men. So, we women should give them the pleasure of enabling them to take up the challenge; the challenge of courting women that is. Therefore, I dare say that men enjoy making the first move whilst women enjoy having the first move made on them.
That being said, women can still make the first move on men. However, to keep to the universal rule, as Nicole mentioned, we women should make men THINK they are making the first move though we are making the initiative. How is this done?
For example, if you ladies would like a guy to ask you out to the movies, discreetly drop hints about that awesome movie preview that you saw. However, wait for him to ask you out to the movies.
Secondly, find out what interests him and engage him in a conversation on that topic. He wouldn’t even notice that you are using your charms but will instead find you interesting and engaging.
Thirdly, with the evolving technology, take advantage of facebook to message him instead of calling him up for a chat. It is much more subtle especially when facebook ethics have not been drawn. For example, you can “poke†him without being overly flirtatious as everyone does it anyway.
Is this tactic conniving and should not be applied if you truly love your man? No. In fact, we do it because we love our man. We want our man to feel like a winner who has conquered the challenge. In return, we women will be romanced as how we want to be and should be. It is definitely a win-win situation for both parties.
p/s: I don’t follow such rules of course – I am not as sneaky =D
Well, like kenny said its the new millenium and everything had changed. Past, guys always make the first move but .. Now, girls can also make the first move. It doesn’t matter who makes the first move. We both male and female are born equal. So what the heck, if u really like that person, then make your move. And when you do, be proud of yourself for what you have done. There’s nothing to be ashamed or embarassed of. If that person reject you, then just take it as it is. Don’t care what other people think or talk.
It’s normal for the guys to make the first move; but it’s also quite common for girls to take initiative nowadays. For me, the biggest question mark that still makes me scratch my head over is, the obscure quality that influences a girl’s acceptabiity of a guy called “feel”. Like what i said, we guys have no problem approaching girls, albeit having to face possible humiliation and ignorant. However, we can’t tolerate when a girl simply rejects a guy based on “feel”. When a guy, with whom the girl has no “feel”, sacrifices his money and effort trying to please her, she will get irritated. But if a guy with whom she perceives as having “feel” does the same thing, or maybe lesser, she will be so touched. Just what the heck is “feel”? Is is physical appearance? Money? Or charm? The best thing is, they can know whether they have “feel” or not as soon as she sees the guy at first look. Amazing right? And it seems that at different ages, female will based her “feel” on different criteria. Durinf the hot 18-25, they will go for guys who are “unpredictable”, “exciting”, or “gaya”, nevermind that they have bright prospect ahead or not. Beyond 25, they will start to look for guys with good income and bright prospect, and suddenly the excitement and unpredictability become a taboo, because they want stability (perhaps after too much of suffer from unpredictability when thy were younger). And guys, there’s no way we can change their perception on “feel”, and in this case, if you are going for a young chic below 25, be bloody unpredictable!!! That’s the key!!!
Gals makes matters easier for guys by making first move. I mean, I believe the ‘be friends first then see if can date or not’. You won’t know for sure if the other party is friendly enough or would think that you approach with a motive. Sometimes both parties are just ‘being friendly’ but mistaken each other’s intentions.
Based from personal experience, a gal shall only make the first move on condition that she’s pretty by ‘commercial standard’.
I’m not trying to generalise the shallowness of guys la. I know guys would be super happy & glad to have hot babes approaching them but they’d appear uninterested when they’re being approached by average girls aka Plain Janes.
It’s easy for pretty girls to make a simple move on guys. It takes lots of courage for Plain Jane to even do anything, hoping the guy would notice her personality, traits than her ‘not up to standard looks’. Cos without looks, how would the guy even be interested in knowing her?
But then nowadays, with dressing, make up etc. Any average girl would be able to look like a Japanese model. Gals are more & more bold & daring these days to approach guys first. So guys are spoilt for choices. =)
Just one more thing, if there’s ever a Plain Jane saying hi and introducing herself to you, or if she approached you with a hotter friend beside her, don’t diss her away and act as if she was invisible, ok? ^^
Well,basically im gng to keep it short & sweet (KISS),the bottom line is tht guys should approach girls n nt the other way round.Arent guys suppose to be the GENTLEMAN?Yeah its true you might loose ur face,bt wat the heck if ur really into tht girl n really lov her for who she is u wont mine loosing ur face over n over again til u get her.So basically guys,sorry to say u stil need to make the first move.
but,there are times that gals are desparates to get guy’s attention, so, it should be an equal state.
Boys = sign up for “mind reading courses” already
Girls = Wear a shirt that wrote “Flirting Mode”
Definately not! If a girl gets rejected, she’ll probably feel really down for a VERY long time, since females are more emotional beings. Whereas guys who get rejected will probably get over it faster than we do! Plus, its time for guys to step up and make moves instead of waiting for girls to make the move.
I think this is overrated. All those debate on girl or guy make the first moves thingy. You(regardless of whether you’re a girl or a guy) should always make the first move if you think you like him/her enough to overcome the embarrassment. What if he/she is going to die the next day? Probably won’t happen lah but you will never know what he/she feels about you right? Not trying and not knowing at all is worse than being rejected. It makes you a coward. Come on, people get rejected everyday… your client rejects your so-called brilliant idea, your boss rejects your annual leave application etc. What’s so big deal about being rejected by a guy/girl then?
i think girls should make the first move,more so if the guy is hot.what’s wrong with making the first move,you see…girls just like to have fun,if we propose all the time,we’ll only be some fools being played around(mixed signals).why not girls make the move and see what is it like to be “fun”.it’s about time we make gender opportunities the same!
Any ladies care for casual lunch meet up around KLCC area? Michael, age 30, hp no. 012 9732 349
Club situations and real life situations are so different. In a club, you are drunk, horny and looking for only one thing…to meet the opposite sex…so a girl can easily approach you cuz you both understand the terms. But in a real life situation, let’s just say you sitting in Starbucks having your coffee, happy to be left alone, when this girl suddenly comes up to you and talks to you. Firstly, its invasion of privacy. Secondly, you’re thinking what kind of idiot is trying to ruin your afternoon. So yeah, I did that before in Miri Curtin campus btw. He ran away 2 sentences into the conversation. Who thought uni was the time to experiment hey?
argue so much for what fuck?? whoever feels the thug of the heartstrings (ie: wet panties/feel tingly in kukujiao 1st) when u first see the other one, that’s the person who should make the first move, man.
Ever experiencing the feeling like “Arghh…I should do it like this or like that or bla bla bla bla bla…”.. seems like to regret for not doing this or not doing that?… all for one strong reason that is EGO…
Straight to the point for either men or women, they are just worried of rejection. Their EGO tends to hold them from being rejected for love. The question now is NOT either men should start the move or women have to express their feeling first or another… It’s the question of scrapping away this EGO thingy in yourself and have the guts to accept rejection.
To be honest, I have a friend who had this kind of cool feeling in the stomach when he see this one girl. They are like good friends. Knowing my friend with his high EGO and keep denying that he just threat the girl as just a friend and that girl seems to have the same thought with him but from their body language showed the other way round…hmm… the way they talk, the way they giggling , the way they were standing next to another, the way they protect each other in conversation…
Until one day when I asked him, ” do u have any feelings for her?”…and he said” Are u crazy or what?…we are just friend la…not more than that.. I like it this way la”…. I asked him again for the second time… and he replied in pride and ego, “No”… But when I told him that he might be losing her to another guy… then he started to low down the ego…and the conversation started to change.. the “No” thing started to show some “Not sure” expression… and I told him again…”Are u sure that u r willing to accept her falling in love with other guy in future”… The face showed some uncertain answer for that.
I told him, why can’t he just put his EGO away and just express what he felt towards her. He got nothing to lose. It’s better to release what you felt inside and and accept any rejection rather than you know later in future, that the girl have the same feelings towards you and you never want to start that move. By the time you know that, she will be with someone else…
REGRET?..of course you will… and one week later, he called me up to thank me for the advice. He did it. He express the feeling to her and the girl was so happy to hear that and they were no longer good friend. They are lovers….
The same goes to what I experienced before too. A girl ever expressed her feeling to me, expressing her love towards me…. but I never laugh at them, I never spread news telling everybody that this girl had a crush on me but I rejected her… Why should I, rite?… Though i rejected her, but inside my heart, I’m thankful to God for knowing that someone out there likes me, care for me and do love me… nothing awkward for her to express her feeling. In fact, i respected her more for being honest and sincere…and since then we become good friend and still keep in touch until now.
The conclusion that I can say here is that…whenever you; the men or the women, out there have the feeling to someone, never keep it to yourself. Just say it out. It might hurts when people rejected you, but it hurts more if someone that u love, never know that you love them…
Take this kind of men should approach women or women should start first thing out of the topic….. Appreciate your life by expressing what you felt inside to those who you love because you’ll never know what you can make to other person’s life…
Cheer up and never stop loving people as that will keep our world a better place to live in…
WTF WTF WTF WTF!
whoever is horny, just make the move, wtf, make it so complicated for wat
WHat kind of idiot would reject a woman who makes first move (aside from her look though, especially the one that comes with a FREE parfume!
Nothing wrong with either girls or guys making the first move. I mean if you like a guy/girl, get off your blardy ass and do something about it! Rejection can only hurt so much and for so long. Move on and find someone more worthy then!!
Girls if you keep waiting for the guy to make the first move and he doesn’t (got shy guys also right), You’ll never know how that story will turn out? If you don’t take risks, you’d never know what’ll happen. Carpe diem! You hold your own destiny!
u people are asking the wrong question, ask NOT WHO should approach first, but WHAT IS the first approach.
***this rule applies to everyone. regardless of homo/hetero/bi/trisexual.
I actually cannot stand it when a guy approaches me. I get defensive, I think “they only want one thing” (if good looking) and “ugh what a loser” (if not so good looking). I feel suffocated, annoyed and just wanna smack his face. I then will go around to my girlfriends and bitch. or complain. and we will all laugh and roll our eyes. lol.
My relationships that lasts/works all began with ME approaching the guy. I spot the kind of guy I like – usually the ones that are kinda away from everyone, kinda brooding, a lil anti social, the ones that look like they don’t actually wanna be there.
Usually it works. It usually lasts for a few months at least 😉
any of both will do la …but in my case, i was de one who make de first move. and i am GLAD tat i did!!!!yay!!! after 10 yrs of frenship, its best i grab de chance b4 its too late..coming New Year, will be our 1st Year anniversary!!!
Yup i agree with you.. girls today should stand up for themselves.. they are always fighting for equal rights this is the time for them to prove themselves if they want equal rites.. plus its the digital age… everyone is equal.
Are we allowed to post on nicole and kenny comments?I mean participate in both blogs?
Everyone just be more open your minded. Every decision you make today will affect your future. Don’t let something such as this to affect your entire life regreting it later. Happiness is something you have to seek by yourself and not by chance. There is a 50/50 chance and both is human. Human make mistake and are not perfect. Communication is necessary for our survival, a simple conversation for making the first move will probably bring happiness to your entire life. Both gender have the right for happiness, thus both gender should make the move when himself/ herself think that it is neccessary.
He should make the first move, and so does She. The art of love is a mutual connection lies between two living creatures. The path of love is created from one to another. He should step out first if she appeals his attention, and vice versa. Follow our intuition in lieu of gender discrimination. It is to reach our love one, not to wait for the love one. If guys can make it, why girls not?
It doesn’t matter who make the first move as long as they are attracted to each others. I don’t believe in who is making the first moves.
You see, if a lady thinks that the men should make a first move and the man is also thinking that a lady should make a first move, there is no ending.
Although a lady making first move used to be commented as ‘cheap-skate’ or ‘flirty’ or whatever but to me, I would consider that lady is brave and straight forward. Of course it depends on how the lady is making the first move, is she passing the right remarks or not.
Some lady are over doing their action which may send out the wrong signal to the man. If a lady is making the first move by doing it ‘decently’, then I don’t see why not. At least she tried, because if she doesn’t try, she won’t know whether that guy she interested is feeling the same way too. In this way, both party save time guessing whether he/she is interested in him/her, no need to play guessing game.
Guys nowadays are more timid in making the first move maybe because they feared of rejections or maybe they are lack of confidence. Therefore, I do not have a definite answer to this question whether a lady should make the first move or not but I belive in fate and destiny.
So, to every single woman and man out there, all I could say is grab whatever chances you have cause you will never know what will happen. Don’t let the opportunity past by, sometimes, opportunity only come once.
i have a real story to tell..I have a friend, a girl, she met a guy. There started off as friends then become close friends. Soon, my girl friend started to feel somthing amiss when he started to call her up late at night for few hours. He did not take any moves to tackle my girl friend..Then, one fine day,when they were alone,the girl was waiting for his proposal..However,the day did not come for her..Finally,their relationship began to fade and they no longer contacting each other..
Frankly speaking,girls are shy in nature. That is why God created man to be strong to be able to protect the girls..So,guys..speak up and show that you are able to protect your loved one from any harm…
In my opinion, it’s better for a guy to make the first move. especially in our culture. But there’s nothing wrong if a girl wants to make the first move. The most important thing is both the girl and the guy should know how to play their role in the relationship. if a girl made the first move, the guy should know how to respond. And he should know what’s the next step. It goes the same if a guys made the first move. Don’t be scared to try. It’s okay if you loses your face. It’s better than not trying. At least you know that she’s not fo you. Dare to fail! Hehe..
come on kenny. guys are not as good as u said, and girls are much better than u mentioned. although, there are exceptions, the portion is not huge.
It does not matter which gender should make the first move. What matter the most is ” When are you going to start the first move” instead.
There’s always 1 party who gets hurt in the end if he or she is being rejected, but what i admire the most is their courage to make the move. at least , they will not live to regret it later. who can tell wheter are u still living in this world tomorow? so, why dont you have the guts to tell sum1 that u like them or would like to be their frens instead of waiting or dropping hints? a guy have approached to me b4, but i have turned him down but we are still friends now. i dont go telling all my friends about it. why must guys always think that girls who turn a guy down will go telling their friends bout how desperate the guys is or etc ect.. i have a group of boy friends who once told me b4 about the girls that like them and what are the silly things that the girls have done to them. so, what can u conclude from this? it’s unfair to say only females done that to their frens,rite?
well, i have once confessed my feelings to a guy, and he turned me down as well. i can understand how the guy who i turned down b4 felt, but i have no regrets till today for what i have done. in fact, i feel proud of myself for what i have done b4. i will keep making the first move, regardless how many times i will be turn down. i am not desperate, i just dont want to regret it later. what about u? still want to give hints or sitting there waiting for them to make the first move? come on, life is too short. do something now!!! Just imagine u have only 7 days left in this world. Will u still wait for him/her to make the first move or go to them straight rite now n tell them how u feel?
The feminist’s chants on equal opportunity regardless of gender does not really reflects on their action. A woman, in order to be of equal, should handle rejections as well as men. People who take risk of rejection should be applauded regardless of their gender. It should really be the case of “It’s your loss that you can;t see how wonderful I am” and just move on, gracefully and with head held high
In my opinion, I think guys nowadays are too shy. They just have too much ego. The world is changing and I think girls are braver in making the first move. But it depends on how you look at it. Let’s look at the guy’s point of view:-
If a guy makes the first move, the girl might think this person is a pervert. But if that guy knows the girl long enough, the girl will not think that way. But bear in mind guys, if a girl turns you down the first time, don’t give up (although the girl has feelings for you). Keep trying. Girls love to be in the middle of attention and their heart will soften after a few tries and to show that you really mean it.
Now let’s look at the girl’s point of view:-
According to girls, it is the mentality that states it should be the guys to make the first move. If a girl makes the first move, the girl will think that it’s abnormal and will think that the guy is not manly enough or not brave enough. But, if the girl really loves that guy, the girl will send signals / hint to the guy that she is trying to get him. But some guys just don’t understand the hints. So guys, look out for those hints! A girl will not directly make the first move. But she would probably talk to her best friends that she loves him. So, in order not to be disappointed guys, get information from the girl’s best friend and you will know what to do next.
Good luck guys and girls!
Guys or girls should make a move?
Actually it all depends…happiness is all in your hand. Guys who make the first move are most BETTER coz female will feels that they are more confident and being love more.
Female who make the first move….they are more confident…if they don;t make the first move, u will never know the other party feels.
It is a modern world, why do u care so much what ppl say about u? When u feel happiness or sadness, no one will really care in the future. They only can advice u…but if u wan true happiniess, u must go and get it urself.
If girls who wanna make the first move, make sure the guys give a good impression or a signal they like the girl as well. If not, GIRLS dun make the first move. if a guy does not give any signal, it means they does not like u. So dun waste ur time.
What on earth is going on now??
Should we think of the typical question “Who should make the first move?”
Regardless of date and time or places we are now, we are still the same tomorrow, next week, next year or next decade. The only difference is that we might think different or look different. My point is that our personallity would still be the same.
The MOST important part of tackling a girl is to understand her needs. Girls dont tell you – “Hey, would you buy me a flower for valentine?”
As a guy you need to have the sense to feel what she wants and to knows what she wanted to tell you by looking right through her eyes.
Of course, if you walk straight to a girl and tell her you look nice and you wanted her phone number, she would FREAKED out and sees you as a prevert. SO DoNT Be or at least hide your DESPERADO look. Curiousity kills the cat but not in this case. If your adrenaline grows in you and telling you that you should get this specified girl, that a few second to watch her and gives her sometimes to notice you. Remember, eye contact is the most important criteria to show her that you’re interested and you’re not that 99 out 100 preverts.
Courting = fishing. If you put the bait too long, it will stinks and rotten, the fish you just gone for other fresh tempting baits. YOu’ve to know the art of fishing. Tempting is provoking but its the time where you can start a chemisrty and connection between 2 of you. Eye contact can sometimes create be humourous. I remember one time when i meet a stranger girl in a shopping mall, we were both alone and waiting for friends. Girls alway plays hard to get. We started to play a game of “eye staring”. So whenever see knows im staring at her i start looking away and when she starin at me i would jus stares back at her and she would looks away and this continues till i caught her staring at me, she would laugh and two of us just began laughing. that when i started to approach her and say hi. NoW at least I am not a stanger to her now.
*Dont be a ass kisser and you see the differents.
I say guys should make the first move. When i mean first move i don’t mean go all the way out making it obvious u want to jump into her panties or make her the mother of your babies. Start of with a simple conversation (minus the flirting – that comes in when you got that electric shock from the other side..will explain)
Girls on the other hand. “Go easy on the guys will ya?” I’m sure we’re decent blokes just trying to know you..and most probably cos’ we find you attractive..”HELLO compliment already we talk to u don’t act like a ****”. And if u don’t fancy him, i’m sure he’s prepared for that outcome so yeah go easy on the guy and smile and to the moonwalk.
But if u fancy him as well, don’t act a primadonna and thinking acting hard to get is the way of getting into his pants or being the mother of his monsters. Send back some electric shock, like praises (oooh guys love their egos boosted) and act all interested coz if ur interested he’ll be…trust me.
In conclusion, guys should make the initiative and the girls have to play the crucial part of welcoming him into your home. Yeah i mean which girl likes a ball-less guy and which guy likes a bitchy girl.
totally agree with u. been trying to get that across to my closer friends for the past few years but i’ve been laughed at.
girls are like talking bout equal rights since like 10, 20 years ago so i don’t see why it should be different in this case. to them, its equal rights when it suits them n vice versa. no offense.
it doesnt matter girl or guy, as long as you make ur move. if u get rejected and ended up being a laughing stock, not that im laughing at you or saying u deserve this, but at least u r not ending up with some jerk or bitch who doesnt care about people sincere feelings. it would just be the same even if you guys are together. she or he will still have that bad evil heart that will ruin the relationship sooner or later.
btw, know your friend 1st, if shes such a bitch or hes such a jerk, why go for him? it is much better to hang out with you friends happily right?
i got rejected politely twice (T_T) by 2 sweetest guy in the world, they wanted to concentrate on their studies and both of them are still single and studing at some uni now. and i think i also rejected politely a guy that came after me.
dont break someone’s heart too harshly, you never know what they’ll end up doing. show a little kindness, it might give you good luck and attract the one you have a crush on 😀
First off, I believe there is no such thing as winning or losing in a relationship (or in this case, making the first move to start one).
If you are so afraid of ‘losing’ and always have this ‘kiasu’ attitude when it comes to relationship, YOU’LL ALWAYS STAY SINGLE!
Anyway, does it really even matter whether it is the guy who makes his first move or the girl?
I believe that so long your instinct tells you that he/she is THE ONE, by all means give it a shot instead of waiting! (a major plus if you are hot of course)
I’m pretty sure girls would appreciate a confident guy and on the other hand, guys would like girls to flirt around with them once in awhile, right?
im not brave enough to step out the 1st move.
I think guys should make the first move. By saying this,I am not trying to indicate that girls are not independent. According to some, girls have 99 urges and guys only have 1. Before you disagree with me, let me give you a simple yet obvious example. Each and everyone of us come across advertisements every single day of our life. While the guys enjoy watching them (because of you-know-what reason), they are not easily influenced by them. They will not go crazy for these products nor spend their hard-earned money just because the products look inviting enough. But, when it comes to girls, most tend to get over-excited when they see these advertisements. They will be thinking how nice is it to have these stuffs and without much thinking, they will just go and buy.
Yup, it’s the new millennium and girls now are much more independent and have more control of themselves. But don’t forget, they still have one weakness. VANITY. Whether they are young or old, pretty or ugly, rich or poor, girls still want to look nice and decent enough. Have you ever seen a girl going out without even checking how they look on the mirror???
Guys should always be there to guide the girls, provide them strength and comfort. No matter how successful or powerful a girl is, she stills desire for love and comfort from a guy that she loves. In a relationship, if it was the guy who made the first move, the guy will not have much problems and are more responsible towards his gurl. He has the strength to help his girl and guide her. But, if it was the girl who made the first move, most probably that the guy would feel a litte insecure and may not be able to express their love freely.
Yes, Kenny, I do not deny that guys will have the heart to hurt a girl. The kind-hearted guys will not embarassed the girl after he had rejected them. But, do not forget that we are living in the society which believes that girl who made the first move are CHEAP. Even if you do not go back to your mates and gossip about them, the news will still spread out and in the end, that girl will be looked down by the society.
Besides that, can some rumours started for some girls hurt a guy? NO!!! People will never take what the girls said seriously because they always believe that the girls gossip a lot and thus, the rumours are not true at all. So by saying this ‘And next time you bump into her and her friends, you can’t help but to think that she’ll be whispering to her friends “Hey, that’s the guy who asked me out on a date. What a loser.” ‘, are you trying to tell us that YOU, Kenny, of all the people is scared of what the girls gossip about you???
Let’s face it, when it comes to this topic, the guys should make a choice. Either take your guts out and make the first move or admit that you are scared of girls. As simple as that.
have you ever seen a romantic movie where the girl goes all out to win the man of her dreams & then everyone goes ” aawww soooo “romantic” !!! ” ???
NO. I DON’T THINK SO.
Girls can go after guys.
Guys SHOULD go after girls.
:P:P:P
I agree that ladies can make a move if they fancy a guy. Why not? However, before doing so, the ladies need to be careful.
Girls can go after guys.
Guys SHOULD go after girls.
:P:P:P
( i am not a chicken with no name :P:P )
he was a friend, nothing more than a friend.
one day i decided not to see him anymore.
that’s when i realize i can’t, and he can’t too.
he left me to decide, acting cool & all.
i told him the truth, that i can’t leave him & we should be friends.
and we are much more happier now.
we’re closer.
& we’re planning to get married.
telling the truth & what i feel benefited us both.
so just tell him ,,v(^^,)
i’ve always have this policy: “if a guy do not even have the guts to ask a girl out, he’s not worth having.”
and i think girls asking guys out for romantic reasons will be branded as cheap and easy. and most guys will be put off by them. guys are egoistic creatures. they’ll not treasure a relationship if they had it easy and it’s not them who worked for it. and if in the end it didn’t work out, he’ll say things like, “hey, i didn’t like you that much in the first place. you were the one who went after me. i went out with you coz i kesian you only. so don’t blame me it didn’t work out!” or something to that effect.
who says guys won’t gossip about girls..i have a girl friend of mine confessing to the guy she likes,in the end she just got rejected and what more that guy gossips about her with his mates.
i’m sure not all guys does that,still there’s a minority of them who does this.i really pity her for liking such idiot at the first place.
but heck,actually for me,i don’t mind which sex should make the first movie.as long as that person knows how to respond to confessions.even if you got rejected,that person must at least say it in proper ways,not looking down at you like some sort of weird creature,in other means,in friendly manners.that’s all.
i once tell my friend,if you like someone,tell him.no point of hiding this and that or try to make him notice you.i did my move before,rejected,yet we’re close friends now.don’t have to be shy or trying to hide from the other person..=)
nah.. I still think that guys should be the one making to move… That’s a ‘guy’ thing to do, isn’t it?
But I cannot disagree with what you said. Of course the girls will ridicule the no-good candidates… Who wouldn’t? I think the guys do that too…
To tell the truth, I don’t think that guys would like the gals going at them. They’ll think that the girl is cheap or desperate or something. It’ll scare them away with their tails between their legs!
What say you?
Honestly, if the girl looks like Nicole, more than 90% of men would agree to to give her his number. If the guy looks like Kenny, then probably less than 10% will agree. But then if the girl knows that Kenny is a well-known blogger, then the percentage might reach much much higher.
Bottom line, for girls, if you are pretty, chances you will not be rejected. If you are not pretty then you might have to be more selective on the guys you choose. For guys, if you are good looking, your chances would be slightly more than 50%. But if you’re fat and ugly, then wish you very good luck.
There is no right between who should make the first move. To me, either man or woman, you should make the first move if you strongly feel that the person is the one that you really want. Finally, if you use HUGO XX/XY EDT, your chances of getting the phone number would be alot alot higher….
I agree with you Kenny. There’s really no harm for a girl to make the first move. In my opinion, if you really want something – you’ll definitely have to make the first move to be able to own it. And as a girl, if you’re afraid of being labeled ‘cheap’ or ‘easy’ – than you’re just being very shallow. Winners are willing to do what losers wont. So you want to win a guy’s heart, just do what the norm wouldn’t – make the first move 🙂
LoL!
Finally…about time someone blogged about the inequality of things around here.
Men generally are accepted as having to make the first move, because we’re stereotyped as the more aggressive sex, being more confident so on so forth. But the truth is, there are men like those, and there are men who are shy, not confident, (and not completely mad). Having the guts to ask out someone you don’t know generally only comes about when you know rejection is only that..just rejection. At the end of the day, if you realise that no matter what people say, you know the truth, then it won’t matter anymore. Who cares that the rejector goes around bad mouthing you off? YOu probably aren’t ever going to see them again anyway.
If you’re confident enough, just ask, “how bout coffee?” How hard is that? There are reasons women dress up, apply make up, and (try to) look hot. Its so that they gain some form of confidence and men in every age and form look at, and are attracted, to her. If it wasn’t for men, honestly d’you think women would go through all that effort of dressing up and whatnot? I’m sure it was so her *girlfriends* could say how hot she looked. So do her a favour and just ask walk over, ask her out. In the larger scheme of things, its no skin off your nose, and she’ll probably admire the fact that you had the guts to ask her out.
Assuming the scenario takes place in a bar, u’d expect women to be slightly more wary wouldn’t you? I mean…you can’t exactly blame for being stuck up when for all she knows you could be some psycho stalker who might slip something in her drink. You can’t fault them for looking after themselves now can you? That being said, unless you really look like something the cat dragged in the chances of you being pushed away are really kinda low. Free drink/coffee for a moment of their time…girls aren’t stupid…they know you’re trying and most will say ok (unless they’re attached).
Women, i’ll say this for you lot though…you have a much higher chance realistically of landing a guy than the opposite. With the wonders of make up, *any* girl can look reasonably hot. And unless the guy looks like brad pitt, has chisseled abs and is gods gift to women, he is never going to turn you down if you sidle up to him.(attached or not..because lets face it, if the guys attached he’d bask in the attention for awhile before saying so). How often to women go up to men? Even in todays society…hardly…so i’d say the chances are pretty good that you’d get your fish if you just asked…women are luckier that way.
Men and women are equally as picky when choosing someone to go out with…alot of factors come into play then. But honestly, initial contact isn’t exactly rocket science. Its not like you’re trying to determine if theres life on Mars. YOu know she’s there…and if you ask its a 50/50 chance she might say yes…pretty good odds if you ask me. Same goes for women….except its probably 70/30 since most women look hot most nights, and no man will turn down a free drink (honestly NO man).
At the end of the day, the truth is, that no matter what happens, being asked out is like being told someone finds you attractive. Because i’m sure unless the other party is psychic, or they’ve known u a long time, (or they’ve been stalking you) the attraction is purely physical.) And lets face it…being told you’re attractive by any manner of guy or girl (unless a weirdo or a girl with some god-forsaken reputation) is flattering…very flattering. Its a massive ego boost and very complimentary. Think about it…Who gives an ego boost a kick in the face? (Unless she’s an absolute bitch, then it probably wasn’t worth it anyway)
So unless you look like a crypt fiend, the swamp thing or something like a cross between the abominable snowman and king kong, give it a shot…(either sex) you might just be pleasantly surprised.
i thought most of us believed that we should treasure whatever opportunities that came along. if we won’t, we’ll just look back and regret in the future.
similarly for the case of who should make the move first, it shouldn’t be about gossips or balls or phobia of being rejected or anything shallow like that. it should be about how the individual, male or female, chasing after what they believed in, what they like and for their own future happiness. just like our dreams and our jobs.
and if a moment of awkwardness = a great future with your dream partner, wouldn’t it be worth it?
why make things so complex. never mind who makes the first move. eye contact then just ask direct want to fuck? what’s so difficult.
this post came at the right time.
im interested in this guy and he did drop some hints too. but im not too sure whether shall i just make the first move and tell him. and since u mentioned that women is more independent since its the new millennium, IM GONNA MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!!
WISH ME LUCK!
=)
I totally agree with you man. All guys (well, the not so good looking ones) have always faced that girl some time or the other that he has an interest in, and when word gets out that he’s interested, she totally avoids him.
That, or when you finally muster up the courage to take a move, you go for it, and she just goes,”No i’m sorry, I’m taken (when you know she’s not). Or she’ll say, I’m busy, I have to go.”
Etc etc. The guy gets disheartened for a long time! And will definitely think twice about asking ANOTHER girl that he’s interested in.
So yes, I agree with girls making the first move for once. 🙂
in perspective, I think it shouldn’t matter who makes the first move. Carpe diem, seize the day! If you’re interested in someone, who cares if you’re male or female. If you don’t take that chance, you might never see it ever again.
It doesn’t matter whether a girl or a boy make the fist step. They both often feel the same – they both can be shy, feel embarrassment, to be afraid of failure, etc. I think, all depends on the person, but not on the sex. Some feel more confident, some are very shy. So, it is always easier to make the first step those who are self-assured.
Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Not about who first. Its who you are.
If you are Kenny Sia and you asked a very stupid question like who should make the first move and 3,000 stupid readers compete to make a comment.
Imagine Kenny Sia approaching a lady and ask for her handphone number. Wont her knee feels weak?
Imagine me asking her? Wont she thinks i am a loser?
Same applies for ladies.
Its ok if you are not so cool like Kenny Sia, not many people can. Just know that you have to try a little harder, accept a few rejections, be a bit thick skin, be a bit kind, gentle, less obnoxious and i am sure you will still find someone to think you are pretty cool.
I am sure Kenny Sia in his youger days had to do that.
i cant help but to agree but hell! i wont make the 1st move! 😛
WOW THIS TOPIC IS SOOOO HOT ! Girls should make their move when they fall for someone!!The guys dont need to make their first move everytime.. Singles, GOGO MAKE YOUR MOVE !
Relationship is about the feeling of both gender, so there’s no right or wrong whether woman or guys should make the 1st move. Traditionally, woman expect guys to make the 1st move because they’re shy. But now, the thinking of female gender has changed. There are more and more independent woman around. Woman who make the 1st move is normally confident and know what they want in their relationship. They fight for their happiness and the guy that they liked, and would the rest of their life with them. Everyone have the right to get what they deserved so i AGREED that woman should make the 1st move if the opponent is someone they admired or liked.
If you like her enough, you tell her you’d like to get to know her better. Or you tell him he’s funny and we should do dinner sometime this week. It’s not whether I’m a woman or he’s a guy, so I should or I shouldn’t. If you like him/her, as in honestly think he/she could be “The One” then she/he has got to know.
Who should make the first move?
It depends.
For me, I am always the one who make the first move when come to knowing a new friend.
Like when attending any ceremony or function, or when waiting inside the lecture hall for class to be started, I will be the one who greet the other party first, regardless of their gender.
So… is this counted as making the first move? Yes, right?
But I don’t understand why, some guys misunderstood my friendliness and thought I have felling for them.
So I stop being friendly so a while.
Then, they said I am cocky.
………………………………..
So I will say, it’s better to make the first move if it’s for those insensitive guys… means those that don’t get your hint no matter what.
I think that the situation varies from time to time, and the girls asking for the number is now becoming a trend. I feel that it really depends on the personality. I feel that whoever who asks for the number is the more curious/interested party, and the one being asked has the upper hand. Naturally, girls would rather be asked, especially if the guy is really good looking *swoons* but that is not reality…
Point made simple:
Would you rather lose the opportunity to know that person?
Can you handle the rejection!
i think girls (with the exception of those introverted one) should make the first move.
Forget about hinting. Hinting makes ppl like me confused. I think straightforward is good esp for non play-boys, erm, like me.. 🙂
Totally. I think women should have the courage to make the first move if she likes a guy. Like you say, this is the new millennium. There is no law saying that guys should always make the first move, although that is what girls expect most of the time.
We should treasure the one we love and express our feelings to the person we like. Life should be live without regret.Yes, the other person that we love might not accept our love or feel the same way, but at least we tried. And I think if a person persevere and have a thick face to continue to pursue the girl/boy, then eventually the girl/boy would fall for him/her.
Girls that make the first move also shows that she is willing to take risks, proactive, independent and has initiative. I think that kind of aggressiveness is an attraction to him. Of course, if the courting doesn’t work, it is not the end but it will mature us.
First things first, why is it that when a girl approaches a guy to initiates a conversation, people tend to link her to the word desperate? It’s not that she wants to get married to the guy the next day or something…. Maybe she just feels that guy has the capability to interact at a manner of her liking. Or in lament terms, she just wants to talk or better still flirt with him. If she feels that there is chemistry between them, what’s wrong with that? I agree with Kenny on this. I would be flattered if a girl comes up to me and starts a conversation or even hit on me. It shows that the girl has the courage, self confidence and is not shy of expressing herself. If I’m not mistaken, all of that are traits than men look for in a girl. But, in order for them to do that, I feel we, people in general have to change our mindset and stop labeling them as desperate. At the end of the day, who are we to judge others right.
I’m not saying that guys shouldn’t make the first move and should just wait for the girls to come and pick us up. Good luck with that. I just feel that if a girl, any girl, sees a guy at any time and place and feel that she will enjoy a conversation with him, don’t hold back on the idea that he might view u as desperate. U might be missing out on the best thing that you’ve ever experienced. And guys, quoting a phrase from the late Aaliyah “If once you don’t succeed, pull yourself up and try againâ€. It doesn’t matter the amount of times you’ve failed or even been humiliated. If you feel that girl is worth walking up to and making a fool out of yourself…why not? It’ll be the stories you’ll be telling your grandkids one day…
So, in conclusion…people of the world regardless of the gender… interact and mix around. Don’t worry of the labels people tend to associate you with. To hell with them. It’s your life, not theirs. Finding a partner to have a great conversation with is hard, so if you feel he/she is capable of just that, so pull your pants/skirts up and walk down that road. Good luck…
actually guys do gossip… n by far, ive oni encountered dose cases where dey gossip worse den gals….hmm… who should make d 1st move? i think dat all along gals had made deir 1st moves la… of course wart.. we dress up pretty, make up, put on a pair of heels to impress men. d next thing, or d next move is 4 d guys 2 start asking us out. but of course.. since guys r so ignorant over d hints we giv, dey assume dey r actually making d 1st moves…
since gals hav started 2 get more egoistic n guys getting more shy ( it beats me dat we r now exchanging values… bac in d olden days guys r wif d ego while gals r shy.. so much so we r changing values we mite as well refer modern gals as ‘men’ n modern guys as ‘women’), id say… lets not make a move at all shall we???? d world is getting overpopulated by human n wif dis, d increase in pollution.. lets stop making moves so that we stop getting paired up n start making babies…. afterall… love is a trick played by God 2 make us reproduce.. HAHAHAHA!!!!.. apologies for those who mite get offended wif my humble opinion.. peace out, hav a nice day every1!!! 😛
Newton law #3 = action and reaction . hope i get this right. anyway, the point is, it always happen both ways. Action and reaction, caused and effect. If you don’t get the correct reaction, you are no go. example…
If you ask a “player” how he/she flirt. You will get >90% similar answer. If there’s a girl you interested, you try to make some eye contact or do something to make her notice you. If things is right, you know it for sure. Make the MOVE. Same goes with girls.
It’s just non-sense to go straight up to a guy or a girl, unless you look like Brad Pitt (for a guy) or Ling Zhi Ling (for a girl).
You must “test water” before diving into a pool right?
Guys and Gals should make their move when it is appropriate, not who. You must know the potential of succeeding before “risking”.
I seen a guy rejecting a girl before. Just like being reject despite guys or gals. & everyone knows about it. It’s just human.
single mens : either their are totally way TOO shy throw their balls out or he’s a total BASTARD. but hey, i dont get the picture sometimes. why they are still these blind girl sticked to bastards like magnets?!
single womens : they are expecting way TOO MUCH! bitches. = =”
I am a girl. A very tall girl. A very BIG girl. Literally. And recently I told a guy I liked him. I made the first move. And, not surprisingly, he sort of rejected me, albeit kindly and a tad condescendingly. (is that even a word?)
Now, we remained firm friends, but here is my point: GIRLS DO make first moves, SOMETIMES. I did, however, gain the dubious respect of another close guy friend. He said I had guts, though at that moment my guts were all over the floor.
I never sent indirect messages: I am sure I made it quite obvious, because he (the guy i liked) admitted he sort of knew I harboured feelings.
Not all girls dress up, flip our hair and wear high heels to attract a guy. (Though looking back maybe I should have tried that method instead, haha).
Some of us just come straight out. I agree with Vimal. When a girl feels that this is THE guy, then she should go ahead. For what it was worth, after I told him I felt waaaay better for doing so. Having feelings and being unsure about whether they are reciprocated is a horrible feeling. Once it was out in the open, I could move on.
So girls, throw your pride and your caution to the winds. Forget about playing hard to get; because if he thinks you’re desperate then he is a loser and should not be worth your time at all.
And guys, for pity’s sake, open up your minds. Don’t deny that strong, independent and forward girls intimidate you. You guys whine and moan about having to make first moves; but when it comes down to it, you would be intimidated if a girl made the first move.
You guys WANT a girl to flutter about; dependent on you. Its just the way you guys are made. Oh, don’t get me wrong; I don’t hold that against any guy, its all genetics, people. Its just the way guys are MADE.
All that being said, in the very end, it all boils down to feelings. Whether the guy or the girl makes the first move is not the issue. Its whether the feeling is mutual.
hmm
i think it doesn’t really matter who make the first move overall.. becz both parties will somehow caught in the scene of embarrassment when one parties eventually rejeted .. but if tat person can accept it then the person got courage to express their feeling honestly rather than keep in the heart. overall i think it not a bad thing for a girl to make the 1st move xD. If you lucky enough u you might hit the jackpot of your dream … since we are now living in the new millennium girl n guy = equal right xD
well this is my first time commenting and this is wat i have to say, since this is a modern society i believe that it doesnt really matter if a guy or a girl make the first move as it is the same thing. However if i can only choose 1 i should say that the girl should make the first move and not meaning the she have to ask ‘can we be in a relationship?’ this section the man has to do it form himself. Your not a man if u waited for the girl to ask that. Rather stupid i would say. And yes i think a girl can ask the guy for his number but the whole trouble is girls dont have the same gut as a man does. My suggestion do the same thing as my current gf did…grab my phone and act as if your checking its function and then call your own hp number.
Life is about learning the rules and occasionally breaking them.
Rule 1
The guy initiates.
– This holds true in most cases. When a guy initiates, it shows confidence which is an attractive quality. The time for action is now. The opportunity will not last for long. Take your chances and go for it. Speak calmly and cooly. Flirt and make good conversation.
Breaking rule 1
– If you are a girl, and you’ve tried hinting and the object of your desire is still clueless, more drastic action is required. Go for it if he seems worth it. You aim is to get some friendly banter going between you and him. A wingman could do you good. If you are flying solo, just say hi, and use the appropriate introduction depending on the situation. Don’t sound desparate. Flirt like you are playing a game. Your introduction was just the serve. The ball is in his court now and you will just have to see if the guy has enough brains to reciprocate.
Rule 2:
The better looking you are, the easier life is for you.
If you are a good looking girl, the guy you talk to will definitely not turn you down and vice versa. Actually if you were good looking, you wouldnt have to approach. Unless the goodlooking guy has been playing his card right. Ie..you have been fished.
Breaking Rule 2:
For guys
– Don’t choose a girl that is more than 2 levels(out of 10) higher than you. If you’re a 5 don’t go for an 8. Compensate your poor looks with a better physique and suave conversation skills. $$ doesn’t hurt either.
For girls
– Guys are shallow bastards. Rule of thumb, the more good looking the guy, the more shallow he is. But not all is lost. Alcohol is on your side. The more alcohol a guy has had, the more good looking you will be to him. Let him drink and get high. If he doesn’t drink, then you will have to take your chances. Dress well to improve your chances. Cleavage never disadvantaged a girl.
Hmm….In all my past relationships, I admit I’m the one who made the move first. Why? Cos I’m kinda straight forward. If he said yes, then ok. Deal. But if he said no, I wouldn’t care that much if I was just asking for an outing. Give it another try some other day then.
I understand a thing about guys. Out of 10 guys, I dare say 8 of them will NEVER make their first moves. UNLESS he’s either REALLY interested at that girl OR he’s not shy (which is good). Guys, like some said….E.G.O. is the word. That part, guys out there, better think of how to actually use it in good ways and put it aside when not needed *winkz*
I don’t see much reason for why girls can’t make the first move. It’s not iceage my darlings. Plus, you’ll lose nothing eh. There’s only two option for the later-on-result. You’ll either get a date with your super cute guy OR you’ll get to go to another cute guy. That’s it. It’s not your lose. It’s his to not agree for your dinner *grins* I know some girls might call you b***h for doing so or whatsoever. Don’t mind them. They’re just jealous cos they don’t get to date the cute guys you’re dating.
Be proud of yourself girls! Be confident! What guys can do, we can too! Tell you girls out there a lil secret…..there’ll be 90% of success IF you’re the one who made the first move. Cheers~
Personally, I think if a guy is interested in a girl, he can try to befriend her first (that is if she’s your friend’s friend), instead of suddenly popping out and declare his love for her.(most girls will be afraid and might avoid him next time)
He should befriend her first and get to know her better. As he knows her better, he may then slowly show interest in her. Or, on the other hand, as the guy knows her better, he may realise that the girl is not the dream girl he’s looking for. Hence, by doing so, he can make friends with her and at the same time know her better before deciding whether to confess to her. 😉
Haha. Just my point of view.
if you like the guy/girl then go ahead and ask her out.
beating about the bush, aint going to get anyone anywhere at all.
sheesh..losers.
What we, the human can say that there are always the same feeling where guy scared to be rejected while lady also will feel the same. Does male or female make the 1st more is alway the same. Think of what the consequnse
The thing is there is no one right rule to it. However traditionally in the past,guys are the man of the house and have the final say of everything and girl gets to cook and wash. Therefore its have been the precedent in the past, girls should listen the guy’s request or act at the guy’s interest. However today, time has change, woman get educated equally like men and woman starts to be more independent. Education pays a very big role in this context as I have discovered that girls from Chinese educated school are more timid or I would said less independent (I mean generally), and girls from English edu school like me are more open-minded. However thats dont mean girls from english educated background are more willing to make their first move in relationship. To be frank why girls refused to make first move is mainly because WE the girls enjoy the feeling being tackle and being desired. And men on the other hand have the egoistic character which can be displayed when he makes the first move. Therefore when a girl makes her first move, she has push away the desire to enjoy being tackle and guys on the other hands may or may not appreciate this value. Therefore I am still in the opinion that since girls enjoy the feeling being tackle and desire, why not guys just make the first move. I am sure the girls will greatly appreciate the guy if the girl also like the guy. So dont expect a girl to appreciate a guy’s effort when the girls dont even like the girl. Its takes courage to confess and I really appreciate the effort eventhough things dont turn up well. So girls out there, if u are brave enough, speak up for yourself!! But till now I still prefer to use the method of giving some obvious signals/obvious flirt to interested party to make the move!!
well, it’s gonna be tough answering this question.
you see, we like in a society where people actually ASSUMES that a GUY SHOULD make the FIRST MOVE.
i’m generalising here, but most guys in singapore/malaysia/even elsewhere are like, superficial.
i had this guy classmate who once told me that i should learn how to dress well like my the other very pretty girl classmate. and i’m like @_@.
and thus i concluded that if you’re pretty enough, things tend be smoother for you, in a general sense.
the point is, most guys are so childish and egocentric. they believe that they are always better than girls. and what, girls who make the first move are like stupid, cheap and should bloody hell look into the mirror. this applies to those who your plainJane and below-average looking girls. Almost ALL guys, including those who are not-very-good-looking thinks this way, i’m generalising again.
yea, but that’s how things work in my society.
nowadays, guys are even more gossipy than girls. they have a huge bunch of friends too and what do they do? they compare the number of girls who have checked them out and laughed at those who ‘dont look into the mirror’.
this question depends on the individual and perhaps im on the slightly biased side – guys should make the first move.
cos no matter what happens, girls are ALWAYS on the losing end.
like you see, a guy visiting prostitutes will be regarded as oh, the need to satisfy himself. but a promiscuous girl will be regarded as CHEAP. very cheap. and will stand to have her ‘reputation’ stain forever.
men can practice polygamy, but what about women? no, they have to be faithful if not they risk getting killed by the entired tribe of men.
therefore, the bottomline is. erm. well i dont know.
anyway, if you read comments made by some guys here you’ll understand what i mean. it’s sad to see guys are still the superficial ones.
this is such a stereotypical question! there is no right / wrong answer to this, because when it comes to dating it could go both ways. if two people are attracted to one another, does it matter whether the guy or the girl does the asking? either way, if there IS chemistry, both will say yes.
girls that go back and gossip to their friends about the ‘losers’ that ask them out are (IMHO) few and far between, and these are usually the ones with low self esteem. yet, there are some guys that gossip to their friends about girls that ask THEM out, so both parties have an equal chance at losing face. i think, kenny, that you guys shouldn’t expect the girls to do ALL The asking.. and that girls shouldn’t expect guys to do all the asking either.
there are two genders in this world and both should contribute towards the first move. one should let the other know that he/she is interested and boom! problem solvedddd 🙂
If you think that the chemistry would be right although the frosting may be colder than the rear end of a polar bear it is a matter of cutting a little hole in the ice and lower the line. Love at first bite may not happen but continuous and persistent warmth melts a glacier – ask Al Gore!
I’m conventional on this matter…. I trust guys should make the first move. After all, if he can’t even pursue someone he is interested in, what more to say pursuing a family or a solid relationship? Plus, men like to be in power, and making the first move shows that ‘manhood’.
Embarrassment and rejection comes as a package in courting, and if you can’t handle rejection, you don’t deserve the girl. Guys for the first move. DEFINITELY!!
Can’t believe Kenny was that fat few years back…kenny you look soooooooo much better now!! keep up the good job!
Yes! Girls should defintely make the first move if they’re really into the guy. In fact, I made the first move and I’m with the guy for four years now! Luckily I asked!
This is old news.
Girls have been making the first move in ages.
Take me for instance, I alway made the first move with all the guys I fancy. No sweat. Girls, take it from me. It ain’t that hard especially if you choose an average Joe. He’ll be so flattered, he’ll buy anything on the menu for you; maybe a year supply of Hugo EDT for you?
Dudes,
It’s obviously guys will need to make the 1st move. 80% of guys I would say will make their first move on a girl(or other case on a guy). This is because of the natural path of the world should be rotated.
Like you’ve just mentioned above, about on bed, it is up to guys to make the aggresive movements right? It will definitely kill the moment if you’re all soggy and boring on bed. Girls hate that right?
As for rejection when approaching a girl, well, I really think that is soooooo high school stuffs. Come on, grow up! I really believe that starting right after 18 years old, right after you’re entering college or UNIs or anything after school, you actually gained this power automatically. The self-confidence. All in a sudden. I believe this happens to almost 90% of guys. They will start to after chicks and will never accept NO for an answer of rejection.
haha. cut the crap man. so what if you get rejected? it’s not like ure gonna suffer a rectum cancer from it?
The world says that the guys should be the one making the first move.Occasionally some poeple disagree and insist that the girls should be the one making the first move.Personally speaking, i think it doesnt mather who makes the first move.If you have an interest in someone,than go ahead and make the first move(regardless of your sex).If you are interested in the girl/guy but dont make the first move,then i dont think you are even worth noticing.Why? Because u have no courage,no will power,no determination and no sincerity.IF you like someone,then show it,dont just talk about it.If you really like someone then make a move,show that you are willing to do what is required to express your interest.If the person is afraid to stand up for what he/she likes,then what makes you think that the same person would stand up to protect his/her relationship.At the end of the day, it doesnt mather wheter you are guy or girl or both,if you like someone that badly or if you think you are the right one for that particular person,than prove it,make the move.Who cares what happens later or the names people would be calling you if you fail.A name doesnt define a life,it’s how you live your life that defines a name.
geez.
Thanx to u kenny,
now i have to convince my bf(who’s a big fan of ur blog) that GUYS SHOULD MAKE THE FIRST MOVE and not the girls.
well, i do agree with some of the things that u’ve brought up. but watever, i still think that guys should make the first move. =P
i know it’s unfair but hell, nothing is fair in this world, so bear with it. XD
hey!! i’m a girl, & i did make a first move on my current bf!! =D and im totally proud to say that.
HAHAHA. =p
sometimes guys like to be chased too.. LOL
wtf?!?!?
and yes its the new millenium..who cares?
Considering my scenario then the question of who is making the first move will not arise:)
I just put an ad with profile & pic, guy pick his miss right, I pick my mr right. Fair & square:P
Personally I think that everyone has the right to pursue their way of life, their ambitions and most importantly, their lifetime companion. Seriously, I think gender is not important as in, as long as you like someone, voice it out. Gender only matters if you are gay or something, which means you are not STRAIGHT.
Initiative is very important. It seems that the norm is very tough on the guys. Guys have to make the first move.. get the blame and then in the next day or two lose face. Some people say face is ego and that guys should put aside their ego because ‘love’ is much more important than that. I totally agree that love is much more important, but what is the point when the day you took your chances to get closer to a girl, all the other girls takes you as a pervert or an idiot.
Based on that, I really think that whoever has feelings towards someone should make the first move.. regardless of their gender.
Sometimes in a society, males outnumber females. One example is China where the numbers are so obvious due to the one child policy.
So I throw one question to females.
Do you prefer to get chosen by a group of desperate guys.. or would you rather look for your prince charming?
I mean you shouldn’t have the “couldn’t care less attitude” when things like these shapes your future…right??
Lol~! The thing is, a guy who doesn’t dare to approach a girl is a total turn-off.
u noe what? guys can act like bitches, too.
Like dead leaves falling from the tree in the autumn season, it is for the person to decide which magnificent leaf that will be chosen to be stored in their hearts and not rot away. Same goes with love, be not afraid to be the first one to move because you will regret forever as your lover walks away from you. You won’t know unless you try. Be man or lady, it is the way how our world revolve.
-just my 2cents lol >
Most definitely! Why not?! It’s the new millenium .. I don’t see anything wrong with a girl asking a guy out. I’ve done it myself plenty, and I’ve not once been turned down.
If you don’t try, you’ll never know.
I’ve always thought that when a girl shows interest in a guy and pursues him, her worth will be lowered. Think of it this way: it has ALWAYS been the norm for a guy to chase after the girl. Going against this norm must mean the guy is special enough for the girl to make such a daring effort. A strong, long-lasting relationship (if that was what both guy and girl had in mind, that is) will not last if the guy acquired an inflated ego from the very beginning.
Then again, it doesn’t mean that the girl should p
play hard-to-get. If she’s interested, she should definitely do more than “flip her hair and uncross her legs”. She can always initiate conversations and be the one to suggest a casual cup of coffee.
most importantly is tat you know wat you want 🙂 who cares about who making the first move?
Guys should make the first move. ‘Nuff said.
Now give me my bottle of Hugo XY.
It can work both ways, but in general, the guy should start. In today’s society it’s no longer rare to see a girl picking up high paying jobs, and guys picking up degrees in areas that they love, but won’t get paid much for (I’m a photography student, I should know!) – I’m perfectly fine with working a relationship out with someone who may turn out to be the real bread winner of the family. However, the guy still has to have a degree of confidence, and strength to him. Girls in general require emotional support, and where else should they get it but from the person they married?
Yes, the girls may send signals, yes, they may put their hand in behind the scenes and pull a few strings – but if the guy never stands up for what he believes in? He’s not worth it. When the girl needs support, will he have the confidence in himself to give support? Where then will the girl draw strength from?
Girls, think about this before you waltz up to him, declaring your interest – if he will never speak up for you, what would he stand for? Do you want a gutless coward, or a man who will support you through thick and thin?
Guys, when you’re ready, when you’re sure. Be a man.
oh u just speak for the single man around that man!!
oh btw no offense, but u look like a farmer when i see the old pic of yours, the one holding a stick.
i was like “you farm now? oh…” at the first glance.
now bring on the guys.
Funny story: my bf and I went out for supper one night, when we weren’t together yet. We bumped into some acquaintances of mine from uni, who were sitting at the next table. A month later, a mutual friend asks me “Who was that guy you were having supper with when you saw J (the acquaintance)? They all told me you must really like him, cos you kept on playing with your hair!”
I sooo did not even realize I was playing with my hair! I can’t believe that’s what I do when I’m interested in someone – you’re right, it TOTALLY does not convey anything, because when I told me bf, he said he completely hadn’t noticed!
I do believe that girls can make the first move, however, I haven’t heard many success stories which came about because the girl was the initiator. In fact, I have a lot of guy friends who have girls throwing themselves at them, who just aren’t interested! Which I find completely weird, because since when do guys actually listen to their brains and not their *ahem* lower regions? 😛
um..i believe most guys tends to be clueless,act clueless or mayb just pure shy. i think i have to wait till the cows come home for them to actually get the signals tat girls are actually interested in them.
for my opnion, if i really do like tat guy o really attracted to him i will make my move lor.
afterall it’s something u do for urself.
keep no regrets in life ma~
I’m a girl who initially made a move to catch-up with a guy (now my man). I believe that it depends on that person that we like. If he’s an independent macho decisive guy, I would let him be the honor. Aha! If he’s those Mr.Shy-guy, down to the deepest ground on earth you could ever find, I will walk a step further to approach him. In the end of the day, I believe it’s all about courage, faith, opportunity, timing and the very least – love chemical mamamia~! (This is because once we are given a chance, the love romance will automatically do the knotting.
kenny, i think you must be going a pretty tough time selecting and reading this huge amount of entries….all thanks to the Hugo perfume….you might as well keep it for yourself by just announcing an anonymous winner and that winner is you without having to filter out all the entries here…….heheheh hope the tip helps…..
aiya… u ppl… how the heck u’d expect Kenny to run through everything??
and yeah.. i agree that girls should also have the liberty to ask the guys for their numbers~
I think that in a perfect world, it would not matter if a girl made the first move. However, we do not live in a perfect world. That said, I once confessed to a boy that I liked him. I was sixteen then. Maybe because I knew what sort of guy he was, I was not riduculed by any of his friends (I believe he did not even tell any of his friends about it) and I got out of the whole situation with my self worth still intact.
Would I do the same thing again? No, definitely not. I was young then, and I think the older we get, the more our views are shaped by society. The more we are influenced that a guy MUST be the one who makes the first move, if we, the fairer gender do not want to be scorned at. After all, if a guy likes you enough, regardless of how shy he is or how afraid of rejection he is, he will bound to make the first move, even if its as something simple as smiling you. Otherwise, then, I guess he just doesn’t like you enough.
And what if a girl does make the first move? Well, if she’s pretty enough or popular enough, I believe she’ll survive and not be labelled ‘desperate’. (Yes, I’m aware that sounds like I’m discriminating, but think about it and tell me if you disagree). And as for the whole concept on non-Asian countries being more tolerant of the more daring girls, that is also not necessarily true. I study in California, so ask me and I’ll tell you that most guys I know still have a very traditional way of thinking.
So, does that mean that we girls are doomed? That there is no way that we will ever get the guy we want? Nope. We can always show a guy small signs that we’re interested in him. Guys aren’t as clueless as we make them out to be. In time, they’ll get your hints. And when they know that you’re interested, and they feel the same way, they’ll respond.
In short, I’m not saying that if you’re a girl, you should never make the first move. God knows how much you might just regret it some day. I think, at the end of the day, although I think I and a majority of people think that it is the guys job to do the chasing, it all boils down to the individual. I think there is no way you can lump guys and girls into two separate groups and expect them all to think alike and act the same way. And as for the outcome of the confession, if you get leered at or laughed at, it simply means that maybe, it was merely a blessing in disguise. If you get nasty remarks just for doing what you just wanted to do, then really, the person is not worth it after all. For if you think about it, the people who mind, don’t matter and the people who matter, don’t mind.
My first girlfriend was the only one girl in my life who has ever made the first move and the others after her starts from my initiative. Somehow I still feel that relationships that got started with the fairer sex is the sweetest thing that a guy would ever experience in his whole life and if it ever happens to you, believe me it will bring a smile when u run down memory lane even if you are not not married to the same girl! Harmony Overrated!
I think guys should make the first move.
I felt that if a guy have no guts to ask me out/for my number, he probably don’t deserve to.
If the guy don’t even have the guts to make the first move, he probably don’t have the guts to do anything else. No guts to tell me that he loves me, no guts to stand up for himself, no guts to protect me, no guts to chase his own dreams, no guts to help a friend who’s in trouble, no guts to…
Nothing wrong with girls making the first move.. I just feel that guys should make the first move.
Take the risk guy! Isn’t she worth you testing your guts? I’m glad my boyfriend did~
I wish that in this world, it’s politically correct for the ladies to make the first move when she spots the desirable male. I’m sure that many a lady has experienced that flutter of butterflies in the stomach before and wishes and longs to have some kind of contact with that man. However, it is the idea and perception that men should move first, being the more aggressive counterpart, that stops a lady to act on her feelings. You see, coz for a girl, when a man cannot overcome his fears of rejection to approach her first, it simply shows that he’s just not that into you. Coz being aggressive by nature, men are supposedly more competitive, thus their instinct is to go after and get the girl. If the girl gets him first, he may not reject it, but he will always remember that he didn’t had to try hard enough to get her, therefore, causing a lesser appreciation of her. All these goes on in the mind of a girl. If a girl does actually go after a man first, she probably didn’t need to think of all these because she wasn’t really that serious about getting the man and keeping him, but probably more for just the fun and satisfaction of accomplishment.
Previously on Heroes…
Dude the West guy asking Clare out and following her around kinda freaked me out…especially his engaging eyes. I would been scared at first cos of his pushiness and persistence. But if i was weak for that kinda guy, i would so fall for that. However, i realise that guys can be pushy not considering what the girl might feel. And that style is too often a no-no…I mean give the girl some time and let her breathe you nuggethead. You’re not trying to start your sparky love life in two episodes ok.
to me..most gals tat moke the first move proves tat the gal is more aggresive n daring and most of the guys do not like those kind of gals.if they do i believe is onli temporary fun seeking thing for them.
as i noe guy prefer the exciment n challenge to go after a gal this actually makes them cherish gals more.
therefore i dun think is a good idea for a gal to make the first move.
look at the poster above…who do u think made the first move?
to me, it looks like the lady made the first move…and she’s way too hott!!!
what do u think? =S
Hi Mel the Pixie! it’s sng! 🙂
Choo, are u my auntie?!! LOL
alot of desperate people out there writing long long comments. but i know how to win.
KENNY IS SEXY SO SEXY SO SEXY KENNY IS SEXY SO SEXY SO SEXY KENNY IS SEXY SO SEXY SO SEXY KENNY IS SEXY SO SEXY SO SEXY KENNY IS SEXY SO SEXY SO SEXY KENNY IS SEXY SO SEXY SO SEXY KENNY IS SEXY SO SEXY SO SEXY oh.AND FUNNY AND FUNNY AND FUNNY AND FUNNY.
i have FAITH IN YOU kenny. i love you.
alot of desperate people out there writing long long comments. but i know how to win.
KENNY IS SEXY SO SEXY SO SEXY KENNY IS SEXY SO SEXY SO SEXY KENNY IS SEXY SO SEXY SO SEXY KENNY IS SEXY SO SEXY SO SEXY KENNY IS SEXY SO SEXY SO SEXY KENNY IS SEXY SO SEXY SO SEXY KENNY IS SEXY SO SEXY SO SEXY oh.AND FUNNY AND FUNNY AND FUNNY AND FUNNY.
i have FAITH IN YOU kenny. i love you.
I find myself making the first move nowadays because the men I like are all unavailable (i.e. much younger or different religion/culture/nationality), so there’s no pressure to succeed or impress. I always approach in a friendly manner. The longer a girl waits for the guy to pick up on her cues (if he actually does have the skill to do so), the more time she’s wasting. Imagine using that time for more important things to do with him. Like talking about the weather. 😉
Anyways, my friendliness towards the Nepalese security guards has resulted in my getting propositions and flattering comments, something that is usually rare (since I don’t have a social life). It is rather amusing to hear the things they say and I can safely say that if I weren’t the first one to open up and be friendly, life at work would be rather tedious. Now, I see lots of smiles from those security guards (I could probably steal stuff from under their noses by now, if it wasn’t for those pesky CCTVs).
So carpe diem and all that, girls! Life is short, don’t waste your time waiting – before you know it, you’re way past your sell-by date. [In no way am I implying that I am past my sell-by date].
it’s like chasing your dream, or looking for a perfect job
some girls do whatever they can to fulfill their dreams, eg. singer, a musician. and yet, when matters of the heart arises, they wait, hoping the guy will initiate first, because that’s a norm, back when humans were cavemen
girls, you know what? if you can actually do whatever it takes to fulfill your dream, don’t you think it applies to the case of chasing your dream guy too?
after all, you’ll look back and regret it someday if you wait and nothing happens. this is making use of your opportunities and grabbing hold of your future happiness.
this shouldn’t be about anything shallow like ball’s size or being afraid you’ll be gossiped. and don’t give me crap such as “girls being rejected are more emotional than guys” time heals, and if girls can ask guys to move on, girls can move on too.
heck, if you don’t even bother making such a small sacrifice asking the guy out, and when you lose him, it’s fair to say you lost him yourself, that’s because you sit there waiting for something to happen
and people will always tell you that it’s better to make things happen than waiting for something to happen.
also, if one moment of awkwardness = a lifetime of happiness, i’ll say it’s very very worth it
Geez, the comments are too long. Don’t feel like reading them anymore…
For ME,
It doesn’t matter who make the first move: guys to girls, girls to guys, guys to guys, girls to girls. As long as you really like that person, by all mean, go tell that person, in any way! You don’t want to live your life regreting the missed opportunity…
If a girl likes a guy, I think she should make the first move. First move doesn’t mean that she should go to him and say she likes him or sth like that. Maybe she can just hint him by showing him some concern or buy him something.
Most of my friends are very straight forward. A friend even told me that she propose to her bf if he wants to marry her. *LOL*
i’m not gonna give a long lecture but i think it has to go both ways. the girl must at least like the guy a little before the guy should start making any moves. and subtle moves are the key. girls totally hate guys who are the pushy sort. it gets annoying . really =)
hahaha..
u and ur girlfriend are a funny pair..
i think both sexes should split the job equally..
its ok for both guys to make the 1st move..
best if the girls can make the 2nd move..
guys=3rd move
girls=4th move
guys=5th move
girls=6th move
guys=7th move
etc etc..
well, i personally think there’s still a lot of work to be done to change the Asian mentality of girls should be approach by guys first. I mean like, even the Western culture is keeping up with us about this, they have best selling book on how to tell when the men is not interested and how not to approach men that are not interested, so critical that even my mom doesn’t think that it’s right.
Everytime we have discussion about this, men and women generally will be defensive in some way and have an everlasting debate.
But what about creating a international sign when a guy or a girl is interested? Nothing to embrassing or obvious by others. Nothing too slutty for girls and too girlish for the guys. That way even if the guy approach a girl and didn’t get any response, the girl got no prove whatsoever to brag about it in front of their girlfriends. Something somewhat more mutual.
Maybe it’ll work. maybe or maybe not?
well, it work both way. they should make the move at the same time. but obviously not right?
IMO. I think girls should make the 1st move because i-am-sick-and-tired-of-all-the-begging-and-rejected-shit.
let the girls taste their own medicine. 😛 oopss. no offence. can they feel it when they get rejected straight to the face? let them know how the guy feel when they reject them..
probably. i dont know.. and they should just be those guys.. wondering all these questions.. why ahhh.. this ar. that ar…
and feeling like this.. i damn emooo.. what? i wanna dieeee.. i wanna slam to the wall.. i wanna skin myself alive… etc..
well. at the end.. it’s all about the feeling. but dont matter how the person outter look. promise the inner is good. outer look can slowly change as time past by. it’s the heart matters.
try me. 😛
Men should always make the first move. That’s the law of attraction. NO way around it. If you’re man enough, then you would risk it all anyway. Shan’t be a sissy and let girls do the work. And i’m not even sexist.
Well, some guys WANTS to make the first move because they don’t wanna be looked down at or lose the woman they are interested in.
Some shy guys just shun away and say “I can find another one.”
As for girls, I guess it’s the same thing. Why must we use the term “SHOULD” and “SHOULD NOT”? It all depends on individual and will power of a certain person.
If you’ve lost or been rejected, how strong are you to try again and not be afraid of facing another lost? Probably will lose face again BUT probably will get the woman of your life. Same goes for the woman. Well I approached my man and that time, it was very clear that there were feelings from both parties.
If you’re the type that goes for “Love at first sight” then, you’ll never know unless if you’re good at reading hints.
People will not be able to communicate properly when they are couples unless if they have already known that the other party have the parts that he likes (physically & mentally). If you’re the type that goes for love at first sight, you can learn to compromise during the relationship but more often than not, people tend to have high expectation from each other, hence no compromise.
Should girls make the first move or should the guys? I have no specific answer but all I can say that it depends on Individual, Environment and Love…
you know, you might be able to get the fon number from the guy tat u think u like on the train and then suddenly…boosh…he’s a loser. that’ll be a laugh.
Girls won’t make the first move on guys,
ask them flirt guy they better go to die,
it’s like they will be kena fined,
or may be they are too shy,
if they have crush on a guy,
they will only sit there give some signs,
but won’t approach him and say hi,
every chance just let it goes by,
whenever a guy they don’t like buy them a wine,
their nose will face so high,
and think like the guy asking her to be his wife,
while expressing the face of “wasting my time”,
they always think that guys will only tell lie,
but i think for so long still don’t know why,
guys forever won’t know what’s inside their mind,
but nevermind, we are still fine,
sitting here online and eat my apple pie,
while enjoying my life.
really lor. haiyoyo. girls. more complicated than Programming in VB leh 😀
been seeing a girl for few months. movies dinner etc… still not item yet ma but i feel it is getting there lor… then 1 day she tell me no one sends her flowers wor!
MY CHANCE FOR FIRST MOVE!!!
WRONG~! WAH.. SO CHAM..
so i summed up watever courage i have and order flowers to be delivered to her office wor.
Then she phone me lor… say Thanks for the flowers.. all my collegues like it very much ^^ bla bla… then say we are different world and not waste time on her oh.. then bye lor…
T-T just like that… a broken heart.. not that she rejected me.. but why she need distribute the flowers??? T-T complicated. No?
I need Hugo XY so I’ll have the confidence to finally go up to a girl!!!!!
really lor. haiyoyo. girls. more complicated than Programming in VB leh 😀
been seeing a girl for few months. movies dinner etc… still not item yet ma but i feel it is getting there lor… then 1 day she tell me no one sends her flowers wor!
MY CHANCE FOR FIRST MOVE!!!
WRONG~! WAH.. SO CHAM..
so i summed up watever courage i have and order flowers to be delivered to her office wor.
Then she phone me lor… say Thanks for the flowers.. all my collegues like it very much ^^ bla bla… then say we are different world and not waste time on her oh.. then bye lor…
T-T just like that… a broken heart.. not that she rejected me.. but why she need distribute the flowers??? T-T complicated. No?
It depend. I dont mind girl take the 1st move. As long as both of the party is ok with it. There is no right or wrong on who should take the 1st move. It is the will power of either one side try to get attention/to know the opposite sex. No try no chance, got try got chance. If you think because of face problem then sorry la, you will miss out the chance. You will also miss out the perfect girl for you. Do try and take challenge, the more you fail the more chance for you to success will increase.
If you really want to know about that girl/guy, you should take action. Otherwise you will regret if the girl/guy is been hook up by other people. There is always a chance in front of you, depend on you dare to grab the chance and challenge whatever coming to you. Don’t think that the same chance will reappear in front of you, you lose it, you might have to work hard to gain it back. So, why not take the chance that is already place in front of you?
Who take the 1st move is not a big deal, the big deal is who dare to face the challenge. Being reject not = to no face as your face is still on your head. Take the failure as a lesson so that next time you know what you have to improve to be success.
God made Adam first..Guys first..coz they lead girls..hee..period..wait..hee.. then again Eve took the apple to give it to Adam..:P..its just more natural for a guy to do it..besides i don’t have the guts to do it..maybe with a lil of the fragrance from the perfume i wud?..:P
btw, great blog! keep on comin! Cheers!
ailin
~THE SIMPLE TRUTH~
Girls go Meow meow meow. :3
Guys go Wof wof wof. >:O
Guys must make the move first and stop complaining that you didn’t notice me smiling and looking at you a lot. Be a man who’s not an ignorant cowardly idiot for once. BE A MAN. >:O
Girls cannot make the move first because we are shy and cute no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT. Meow meow meow. :3
Though my belief is for mutual attraction to take it’s course.Changing Global male/female ratio will dictate that females become more agressive in persuing a mate, settle for being the ‘other’ woman, or watch that thing heal-up.
Last count I saw stated 3 females to each male and growing.
Old traditions were formed when males outnumbered females.
With that in mind, I sincerely believe the Prize should go to the most Desperate male, if he is unable to score with these odds Strong Scent might offer a distraction.
To me, i’ll say that it depends on the situation. It is not always compulsory for guys to make the 1st move. In this modern era, im very sure that the increasing number of girls asking for a guy’s phone number rise rapidly. Depending on the situation, if the guts or should we say the urge on that particular person is very high, no matter how shy he/she is, there will be a breaking point for him/her to make the 1st move.
It is like he/she has fallen into a spell which makes him/her doing things which you could say that he/she will never do before. Its the urge which brings them towards the 1st move.
To be more precise, anyone could make the 1st move to get what he/she wants.
Yeah it it the modern age, equal rights for both sexes yadayadayada. Both sexes could potentially be shamed out on rejection.
I think this should be simple, whether you’re a guy or grrrl…if you really like someone just do it and make the 1st move.
Dude..
Got one post touching on this…
http://www.kamkuey.com/?p=106
Too much to repost here lar .. keke
I would think that both sexes should give it a swig at it. I had my fair share of not going up to a crush and asking her out, in the end regretting it. Also, asking a crush to go out on a date . . . resulting (in most cases) “Oh, how sweet, but I see you as a brother…†Like you said it Kenny, when a guy approaches a girl and ask for her number or along any lines of asking a person out , he could be view as a perverted, desperado, etc….But then looking at the point of view of the other sex, she could also be view as being ‘easy’, or ‘one around the block too many times’, where it may not be the case for either sexes. I have to disagree to the fact that only girls tend to “talk†among themselves about what you described in the early in the article. Some guys out there are like that too…. Stereo type: jocks, well not in the sense of “Like, oh my gawd!†but in impressing his peer jocks.
Its better to be real about it and just ask…male or female, who cares what other ppl say, as long as you have no regrets, it may hurt if that person does not return in kind but at least you did try, and that should matter. Its like a double edge sword…it can give wounds to both parties, receiver and attacker.
I think I think too much….
I would agree girls should make the move first. Imagine if you are the stranger or so-so friend to the girl, most girls will reject your move straight away considering all the potential dangers and ‘health hazards’ you may pose to them.
Guys have balls..girls dont ..
So what you waiting for? Show what you got..!!
Noone should make the first move unless parents of both parties give the green light. With the rate of premarital sex, STDs, unwanted pregnancies and illegal abortions skyrocketing, both guys and girls should be made to wear chastity belts until they get married.
If a guy want to mate with a girl HE go ask her lo…
If a girl want to mate with a guy SHE go ask him lo…
Who want mate who they go ask lo…
Like that so easy…
Sure win la…Lai lai give me prize…
Kenny, dont make the 1st experience too hard on yourself, actually u should be glad the whole incident reflect that she’s not worth all your passion n love…n luckily u dont have to be together with such gal.
of course gal can go after the one she like! would u rather choose or be chosen? it’s the question of how to do it, to me, men like to hunt rather than be hunted, if the gal can make it in the way that the guy is taking the inniative which in fact is the ‘hint n arragement’ of the gal, i would say it’s a higher level n safer method to let the gal take the first move …n if the guy didn’t move under such ‘arragement’, u know u dont need to further ‘losing face’. how’s that?
NO, but Girls should improve on their hint to give guys more confident taking the FIRST MOVE. The first might always be the last, so if a Girl really likes a guy, she should help him with the first move not only in courting her but also with the future they might be creating.
Guys do need confident as they love their FACE
So i was looking for sweet or funny stories here but nothing but monotonous technical, philoshopical comments.
Kthxbai
I used to believe when u really like someone you should just go ahead and get it for yourself..Do not miss your chance just because you dont want to make the move..
However, my personal experience tells me otherwise. Not that i am desperate. Everything was over..My hope, my dreams, my dignity, my courage…I was hurt badly..
I know he likes me first. But only that I took the first step and everything changes..So i guess..it changes my life in things too…
To me, ANYONE can make a move as long as either one has the interest towards the other. My principle is, why let the opportunity to slip by?
Previously I was afraid of rejection and thus I often kept quiet when my dream guy passed by. There was a 50% of chance there and I didn’t “tried it”. At the end of it, I will often regret.
Obviously it is not easy to muster up the courage to confess! My first confession was persuaded by a close GF who shoved the phone right into my face and made me called the guy. And boy.. I was glad I did because we ended up as an item!
My confession to my current bf was hard as I was all alone to decide whether to confess or not. In the end I just blurted it out when I can’t keep it in anymore. And now we are together for 2 years.
I know that not every confession will end up with an acceptance but neither do all confession end up with a rejection! I guess it depends on whether one is willing to seize the opportunity and take the risk.
Anyway, not all guys will just keep quiet after rejecting a girl. Some still go around bitching to his circle of friends especially those who desperately need an ego boost.
I think it shud be more of a give and take thing.
If the girl is interested in a guy, she shud give more-than-subtle hints for the guy. And he can decide whether to take it or not. If he has feelings for girl too, then the hints means the ‘green light’. The green light for him to start ‘hunting’ as pointed out by some commentors. However if he doesn’t like the girl, then he can choose to ignore it. This is a win-win situation. No one loses faces because there is no ‘public rejection’. The girl made the first move by dropping hints and the guy gets to ‘hunt’.
The same goes for guys trying to drop hints for girls.
In Kenny’s case, where the girl pass the letter around *OMGHavesomemercy*, I think it’s kinda good in a way because you get to see how mean she actually is. Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise. You wouldn’t want a mean girl to be ur girlfren rite??
Of course, there’s the issue of who’s good-looking and who’s not. Just because the guy/girl doesn’t appeal to you atm doesn’t mean that it’s impossible between the two of you. It’s easy to solve this problem.
Once you get hints from him/her, talk to him/her but DON’T FLIRT. Becuase if you flirt back, then it means you give the green light. Just talk abt random things or questions abt him/herself. Who knows? You might find yourself liking him/her. Or as stated earlier, you can just choose to ignore it.
Another tactic which I figure shud work is spreading rumours. A bunch of close frens and acquaintances can do wonders somtimes. Esp if they are many pat poh and pat kong. Just tell one of the pat poh in the group “Hey, I heard that XY has feelings for XX le…I forgot who told me oredi but it seems like he liked her for 2 months liau le..blablabla..”.
It’s super effective for XY/XX to know if they like each other when they don’t even want to drop hints because their skin are too ‘thin’. Good things abt rumours are nobody can pinpoint the person who started it and if things doesn’t work out between XY and XX, it can always be brushed off. Thus nobody lose face.
And most importantly, do always take some time to make yourself presentable. You don’t expect ppl to fall head over heels with you when you are wearing baggy T-shirts with holes and short pants.
Here is my 2cents worth of my personal opinion.Appologize if you find this offensive~Jz ignore ok…
Ya, thou i agreed the world is changing,girls can be the one who make the first move to approach a guy in a rship~
But i stil think that approaching to start a rship is stil falls on the guy side.
Hey guys out there, may be you should pause and think for a second.If a girl were to make the 1st move, what if she is bad-luck enuf to bump into an idiot? OK, lets put it in a nicer way/word – “flirty” guy…
And if their progress acted too fast, after some ‘happiness’; the guy dump her?!?!
Isnt this unfair to e girl? To a guy there is nothing lose aint it?
Its actually a very individually thinking here, this gato depends on the girl herself, if she is one open minded or more to e western thinking, then im v certain that its not an issue to them anyway – ” well, no big deal man. This only show how idiot is him!”.
A guy approaching a girl is a norm afterall~!
If he is afraid of facing those failure gossips, this doesnt shw anything right?
If the gal really laugh at your failure, this only show the negatives points of the gal, NOT e guy!
Overall, chinese always believe that “which cats doesnt eat fish”?
I think in today’s times, a girl can make the first move, although preferably, a guy should do it. That is if in the first place, the guy doesn’t notice you.
Heck, if a guy is interested in a girl and he doesn’t make the move, he doesn’t have what most males have… BALLS! So what if she may ridicule you? That is a negative perspective to take and that perspective will never get us anywhere in life. If we take a chance, then at least there’s a chance the girl will say “yes”! If she says “no”, be a man, don’t hold it against her, and move on. That’s life. Full of risks and chances. It’s either we take it or we blow it!
Guys or gals doesnt matter..whoever likes the person just let the other person know. If guys are scared of failures and losing face might as well die without trying. Die trying to gain happiness lar….guys and gals these days are just as sampat. Dont give a damn of whatever people says. As long as you are happy yourself.
Well, I have personally made a few first moves on guys. It might have freaked them out, it might have boost their ego. But heck, after dropping tons of hints and the guy is still oblivious, time to take matters into our own hands.
I’m sure all girls know what I mean, the WAITING for him to make his move is TORTURE. And it has nothing to do with it being part of the “chase”, trust me its not.
The waiting and wondering has its tendency to eat us up, our minds gets overwhelmed by why he has not shown any signs. And that is all we can think about. It comes to a point where you want to she smack his face and tell him right up front.
But all in all, guys ‘technically’ should make the first move, but if they don’t, I personally wont mind dropping the first hints…:)
Some girls have balls of steel too! -no pun intended – ….;)
Should girls make the first move?
In my world, its a definite no no! Girls are created to be protected and loved; to be pursued and adored- by the right man, of course.
Handcrafted to perfection,
No two alike in the world,
The more petite of the sexes
Is born to be the object of affection.
Born to be pursued,
To be won
To be wooed.
Girls:
Be the woman worthy of his pursuit.
Lead not the man on. Say no in the most kind and gracious manner.
Guys:
Be the man she would humbly choose.
Like the typical conservative Malaysian girl, I’ve always grown up thinking that I would NOT EVER EVER EVER go after a guy first. Why? Basically for a number of reasons, i.e. If a girl goes after a guy, people always say that she’s ‘easy’.. and secondly, guys would probably not appreciate something as much if they didn’t have to work to get it (guys, don’t lie!).
Anyway, to cut the long story short, I met X about 3+ years ago at a random event and maybe it was what some people would call ‘love at first sight’ for me (*cringes* Ya.. corny but true). But for ‘ego’ sake I did nothing and just kept telling myself that ‘if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be’ and waited for him to make the first move.. or for something to happen (Yeap.. that’s what watching too much of Meg Ryan movies does to you).
So I waited, and waited… and waited. =_=â€
2 years went by and bloody hell.. nothing happened =_=â€â€â€ In the mean time I went out with other guys thinking that I would forget about X, but I never did. Eventually 1 day I got so fed up and said to myself ‘if nothing’s going to happen, I’m going to make it happen!’
So I asked for his number.. thank goodness I did too because very soon after, X left university unexpectedly to start working. If I never did ask for his number that day… we wouldn’t be going out today (and he is the best boyfriend in the whole wide world lmao).
So my point is that, if you really like someone – you shouldn’t let pride get in the way. If he/she’s worth keeping, then it wouldn’t really matter who went after who in the first place.
And yeah, some guys can be quite dumb..uh I mean, blur. So if you want to be happy, you should go for what you want. If not, someone else is going to get him (or her) first.. while you’re still sitting at home deciding whether or not to make a move.
A girl shouldn’t make the first move; neither should a boy.
Asking for numbers should be left to Men and Women, as they should have reached a level of maturity where they can treat the opposite sex with dignity and respect, regardless of whether they chose to accept or decline the other party.
Only then will childish group giggling and demoralizing be avoided.
Equality is overrated.
(oopsy, this was accidently posted before it was completed!)Ignore the previous post, please 😉
Should girls make the first move?
In my world, its a definite no no! Girls are created to be protected and loved; to be pursued and adored- by the right man, of course.
Handcrafted to perfection,
No two alike in the world,
The more petite of the sexes
Is born to be the object of affection.
Born to be pursued,
To be won
To be wooed.
Girls:
Be the woman worthy of his pursuit.
Lead not the man on. It is a privilege to have a guy be brave and vulnerable to express how he feels; if he isnt the one,say no in the kindest and most gracious manner.
If he is, be his biggest fan.
Guys:
Be the man she would humbly choose.
Adore her. Surely there must be some truth portrayed in this saying:For behind every succesful man is a woman.
hey! thats picture is taken in Mandarin Oriental Kuala Lumpur lounge!
Guys like to chase & dont appreciate being chased.
Im not being bias but if guy make a girl do all the chasing, the running around, the calling.. are basically lazy…shall i say not a man enough? ok perhaps no..
A girl supposed to be chased cos I personally like to be chased…but again it doesnt not apply to everyone..
Girls…if he wants u,he’ll call u..
——————
~THE SIMPLE TRUTH~
Girls go Meow meow meow. :3
Guys go Wof wof wof. >:O
Guys must make the move first and stop complaining that you didn’t notice me smiling and looking at you a lot. Be a man who’s not an ignorant cowardly idiot for once. BE A MAN. >:O
Girls cannot make the move first because we are shy and cute no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT. Meow meow meow. :3
– Rachel
——————
Girls go Meow meow meow. :3
Guys go Wof wof wof. >:O
I like your comment. Simple, witty, funny and perfectly hits the dot. Guys should chase girls. Any girl that chases guys seems out of the ordinary. Like a cat chasing a dog.
*chases after Rachel* – Wof wof wof 😛
Boys chase girls…
Girls chase boys…
In the end, does it really matter?
Who dares! wins!!!
if you’re truly kennysia, u’d have big balls.
big enough to stomp the world and crack coconuts,
so big that u won’t be afraid to make the first move.
hell, if she rejects you, at least you can still play with ur balls.
and nothing beats playing with your balls. coconuts.
Unfortunately for us guys, we can only dream of such things because in the real world things are so much more complicated. Of course there is so much to lose in such situations for guys, that’s why alcohol was invented! Of course at the end of the day, no matter how you look at it, guys are always at the losing end but that’s just life, so suck it all in and just approach the next girl that takes your fancy and prepare to be be humiliated or then again, you ‘may’ just get the right one… yeah right!
?????????????????
Does this constitute a comment, cos I’m nuts on what to say, perhaps a bottle of HUGO XY EDT on me will get her talking.
Hi. SM here.
I believe the guys should always make the 1st moved. Guys are always guys.. they’ll neveer let a gal to impress them. coz guy got the EGO issue. besides that, guy should ‘generally’ be more brave about this. coz guys have balls. (or u can call it kenny’s coco with nut). imagine a gal who are bravier than a guy asking a guy for his phone number. i bet that wil scare the shit out of the guy.
Email : csm_cho@hotmail.com
Thanks.!!
sng…i’m not our aunt =.=”’
not everyone who name choo is your aunt…wake up!
by the way, i’m a guy!
well said, kenny. right on! what u mentioned supports my argument in nicole’s blog =)
I think girls can make the first move. If you think he is cute, we can just go ahead and tell him that how he had your attention. Girls !! Be confident to ourselves !!!
Hey, to me I think girls CAN make the first move, I think guys love it doesn’t it?
However, I an a person that will not ever ever make the first move, don’t know why. 🙁
Should a girl ask the guy for his number?
That should depend on where you are, right? If you met this guy in some kind of a pub/disco/clubs, why not? There are cases where gal buys guy a drink, got his number and *miracles* just happened!! Why? Well, as according to them, they were attracted by the girl’s gut and friendliness!!! Seriously!!! However my advice to all girls who want to do so; Make sure you spot the *right* guy. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not discriminating anyone here, just be SMART in selecting the one!! Don’t let those “bad apples” influence your appetite that night!!
On the other hand, if you met this lovely guy in the bus, school, lrts, or perhaps in training centres, how can a girl make the move first?? Girls should have a bit of persistence in this kind of situation, isn’t it? Even if we want to do so, we can’t avoid those “sam-pat” people from broadcasting your experience to everyone, adding “salts and vinegar” and thanks to their perfect imagination, you’re now the *star* of that place!!! I don’t think I’m going to take that risk. So, I am still waiting for him to make a move first…. =/P Who knows, maybe destiny will bring us together one day! Haha…
Guys, I cant deny that there are some “b*t*hes” out there who didnt appreciate your effort in making the first move but rethink again, isn’t it a good thing for you since you’re able to identify those “bad apples” out of the basket earlier?? So, don’t give up so easily coz miracles do happen, you just have to step out and make it happen on you!!! =p
Good Luck!!!!
~~NOTHING VENTURE, NOTHING GAIN~~
I take it both ways, I do/did/have done my fair bit of chasing but I always wait for them to do the asking. The ONE time I didn’t…lets just say it was HIGHLY embarrassing. I’m willing to bet the guy’s ego was stroked though!
while everybody’s reading each and every comment, some guys or gals have gotten the other gender’s phone numbers.
having said that, i just want the EDT. WAH! so simple ler the comment? yup.
Hi Kenny..
It’s been ages since I last dropped a comment here. Anyway, to answer your question…
Well, I personally think there’s no right or wrong on who’s to make the first move. It all depends on that person’s courage, whether he has balls or not (for girls whether she has the guts or not la).
As for me, the only time I made a move on a guy was when I was back in Std6. (You must understand it’s those puppy love kinda thing)
So there I was, thinking of what to do..since I came from an all-girls school. At last, I decided to drop him a letter in his pencil case when he wasn’t looking. (Knew him from tuition)..The following week, he actually replied me. Fuh. You can imagine how scared but excited I was at the same time!
In the end, his friend popped up from nowhere and confessed that he liked me and I don’t know what has gotten into me until I found myself falling for his friend too. Maybe it was the constant phone calls he made.
Yeah, so that was the one and only time I ever made a move on a guy. Heheh.
Right now, I’m still sticking back to the conservative way and believe that guys should make the first move. I have an extremely huge ego so I would never ask a guy out. Okay la, so maybe I don’t have the guts. But if I really like him a lot, then I’ll drop really obvious hints right up to asking my friend to help me ask him what he thinks about me. Cliche, I know.
By the way, is it true that some guys find girls who ask guys out sexy/appealing/[insert whatever good qualities here]? If so, let me know then I gotta start reading up on the How-To-Ask-A-Guy-Out For Dummies book, like now.
Choose me! =)=)=)
Guys who are well groomed (short, clean nails, clean hair, clean ears,no sloppy/torn/stained clothes and absolutely no over-powering cologne) have improved chances of getting their girls. That means no Blonde Chinese Ah Beng types. So 1990s.
Nothing more attractive to a girl than a guy who can converse well and actually listens to what she has to say. No judgements, no jumpung to conclusions, no dirty jokes, just listens and replies realistically. No braggart either.
He can work the date into the conversation once he sees these signs. Girl makes eye contact frequently. She smiles and she says phrases like “that’s interesting”, asking him questions to prolong the chat. He’ll get an 80% chance of a “yes” if she’s not otherwise committed. Ask cooly and confidently, like it’s not such a big deal. Suggest something appropriately casual and non-threatening like a drink / shared hobby or interest or offer to borrow her a book/game/dvd.
Word of advice : No touching. Smiling is sufficient.
you want the female to make the first move?
the male has to give the same signal like what a female would do to get hisss attention …
come on guys…. don’t be shy to drop your “machoness” and play a bit of a helpless “damsel” in distress … ooops (no “aqua”ness attitude here ok)
do try to be like those guys in “mondo-magic” or “david-blaine” routine when u ask her for a tissue / lighter / coins (to use the loo) etc … learn the tricks…u’ll be drawing aces on her heart before u know it… u’ll be doing the XY XX … she be the one to iniate more XX XY XX XY XX XY …. magically – good luck
OI! HOW YOU EXPECT ME TO GO THROUGH 400+ COMMENTS TO PICK A WINNER!?
I believe guys should make the first move. Why? cause we have balls, thats why…
NOW GIVE ME THE DAMN HUGO!
let me help you kenny, if u’re lz 2 read… read the short comments nia lo… hahahaha
well..now is the 21st century, so don’t matter which sex ask who out 1st…so girls can also make the 1st move….for me thats how i get to know my husband..hehehh…using old fashin tecnique, ask for his namecard….heheh
I made my first move, but got rejected…
Wuwu
girl start the conversation, guy ask for number.
this way, girl dont come on too strong, guy wont get embarassed by asking number. Fair enough?
In my opinion, guys should always make the first move. I mean it’d be awkward to have girls asking for your number. Guys are suppose to be dominant while girls will always be submissive.
Girls are always waiting for their “prince” to arrive. Therefore, they will wait no matter how long it takes. Frankly speaking, a girl asking for number from a guy sure does look weird for me.
So if everything goes anticlockwise, a girl brings him out, pays the bill, make the first french kiss? =x
Oh man……I love this entry lots more. Kenny, you pin point out men’s paint when got rejected and being disrespected after the “loser” event (man told a woman I like you stuff)… Some of the girls didn’t respect men at all and label them as a loser. Urgh… Hate that… that kind of sorrority girls are BIG BULLY!!!!!!!!!!!!…..
Girls girls, stop looking for excuses if a guy doesn’t make the first move.. Probably he’s intimidated by me? Maybe he wants to take it slow? Maybe I can find him, but he can’t find me? If he doesn’t make it obvious, he is not really into you. I believe that if you have to be the aggressor, if you have to pursue, if you have to do the asking out, nine out of ten times, he’s just not that into you. A quote I like to refer to: “Just because you like to lead doesn’t mean he wants to dance. Some traditions are born of nature and last through time for a reason.” So, put down the phone, if he likes you enough, he won’t forget to remember you.
Well, I believe that whichever sexed person who is sure he or she would like a relationship with the other person should be the first to approach. Often, relationships develop out of fondness, so to start with friendship would be a good idea. Isn’t it normal for a person to walk up to a person he or she thinks he or she would like to make friends with? In the same way, if you like a person enough, you should make the first move. Of course it would not be ethical to go on with the pretext of being just friends if that isn’t what you want. Then, drop subtle hints implying you would like to be more than just friends. If you’re bolder, compliment the other person on how they look, how intelligent they are, how you’re impressed with their ambition, and you could have more than you asked for:)
Yes Kenny you are right. Ladies should make the first move; only if they are confident and feel strong enough to do it. That kind of lady surely commands my respect.
Normally the males will stand to lose out more compared to females when they make the first move, like what you have pointed out. We just have to accept this as a fact; just like how the females accept the pain of labour and other “female inconveniences”. Hehe. I have to admit the world is not fair to both sexes in its own way, but we need each other, whether in harmony or NOT!
So ladies.. go ahead, be my guest and make the first move! You are most welcome.
HOW should a girl make the first move without appearing desperate??? That’s the problem I’m facing now. Lol.
Yea Kenny maybe you should dedicate a post on “HOW A GIRL SHOULD MAKE THE FIRST MOVE”.. haha..
Difference between a guy calling a girl first and a girl calling a guy first is this: when a guy makes the first move, the girl usually thinks: “Ish, got someone trying to pick me up… is he a weirdo… donno if I should accept or not…”, no matter how good or bad looking the guy is.
When a girl makes the first move, the guy will usually think: “WOOHOO! GOT GIRL ASK ME OUT!”
Besides, getting phone numbers is the easy part. It’s thinking of an excuse to call for the first time, besides “Oh, I just wanted to test and see if the number you gave me was real”…
————————–
OI! HOW YOU EXPECT ME TO GO THROUGH 400+ COMMENTS TO PICK A WINNER!?
No need lar. Just ignore the first 400, and go through the last few. Which includes this one. MUAHAHAHA!
my policy is that if we dont go after what we want, wats the point of living? if ur alwiz waiting around for a guy to make a move on u (from a girl’s position) , u’d probably wait til u rot and die, especially if he never felt any interest in u in the first place.
On the other hand, if u just make a conscious effort (read : NOT despo) to get to know a guy that u hv the hots for, chances are ur giving him an opportunity to like u and know the awesome person inside. =) So in the end, it doesnt matter whether its the guy or girl who makes the first move (either one can *shrug*), wat really matters is whether u hv the personality to capture that person’s heart!!
boys?? girls??? actually it doesn’t matter tho. although is a norm tat guys will make the first move but hey, girls also can do tat ok? a simple sentence like can i have ur number pls, or this movie looks great (with a long pause), we guys better get the signal right..
guys hitting on girls not 100% on the outer beauty itself, but the inner beauty also counts too. i never met a guy tat hits on a girl who says the f word in a shorter gap compared to the movie “knocked up”. guys won’t go back crying for mama when his move failed, the most he would do is dip his head into alcohols and sleep tru the night with a terrible hang-over the other day.
peace..who ever make the first move, dun b ashamed of urself. at least u got the courage to face defeat. 🙂 be proud of urself!
Seems like this has been the topics that homo sapiens debate around for ages isn’t is?
Guys will be arguing that it is not fair if they have to make the move ALL the time. Girls will argued that they have too much pride too lose in confessing to a guy. Moreover,it isn’t a tradition in our country where girls always make the first move, is it?
I will say trust the instinct. There is no law stating that guys have to be the one making the first move. Girls can do the same too. But in a different way of course.
If you like a guy you met first time, get the number. There is nothing wrong with getting numbers. I mean, girls, you do get your male colleagues or male coursemates or male classmates number before right? Like when you have to contact them regarding the piece of assignment that the both of you are assigned to? It’s the same. Get the number the same way you get the numbers from your male friends. And next, get to know him. If you think you really like him, ask him if he wants to hang out in the weekend. I know, girls will say, “malu lah. its embarrasing” but the chances are he might likes you too. And what if he never know that you like him and decided to move to the other girl (or so happen the other girl is your bestfriend?), that sucks! And from that on, you will start to think, “What If I have tell him? What If….etc etc” That would make you feel even worse. Many will say, easier for you to say so but I came with experience and I never regretted confessing to a guy I like alot. And yes, I got rejected. But he was so cool about it that he thinks we should be bestfriend. We ended up real tight friends now. That’s something cool about a guy. They hardly hold anything to their heart. So girls, there’s really nothing to lose. *
Best of luck for confessing to the guy you like*
wow kenny…u have to sift thru like 500 comments to choose a winner…hahahha…good luck!!
Who should approach whom? Guy approach girl? OR girl approach guy? It’s an awfully easy question yet it’s a difficult question to answer. I’m pretty sure no one would disagree with me when I said we have all been brought to believe that the ONLY right way for this is guy approach girl.. it’s something that is unspoken.. the silent rule in a relationship.. but is that how it’s suppose to be? In this modern and independent world where men and women are treated as equals.. how should this be any different? Women should be able to plug up the courage and go up there and confront the guy you like.. I know.. it’s easier said than done.. but yet again.. if you dont try.. how would you know? Kenny.. Not to say you’re wrong when generalising women the way you did in the post.. but then again.. NOT ALL women are like tat.. I for one definitely dont turn a guy down and bitch about him.. yeah.. we talk among gf’s but we dont bitch or say that u’re a loser.. often than none.. I believe that women are actually flattered that a guy they know or a guy fren asks them out.. they might turn you down.. not because you’re below them or that you’re not goodlooking.. or for the joy of just turning a guy down.. I think it’s more of them believing that it would not work out.. thus they take the initiative to turn the guy down and save themselves a heartache.. yet again.. i’m talking on my perspective.. and it is neither fair to say that all women are like tat.. But I DO strongly agree that women should take the initiative and get to know the guy they fancy… there’s no need to pull any stunts whatsoever.. a mere and simple ‘hello’ will do… get to know him.. who knows.. someone you thought of as your prince charming might very well end up being your living nightmare.. 😛 hehehe.. so.. yeah.. I say.. there’s nothing wrong for the girl to walk up to the guy and take the first step.. some signs we send do NOT display our objectives all that appropriately.. it can either be misinterpreted.. or disregarded.. and at that point.. there’s no one else to blame but yourself. 🙂
heck…you dont need to get the girls to ask..just squirt a bit of hugo here and there and ull have xxxy
and if ure unlucky or not careful..you might end up with a minature xx or xy
Hahahaha….a very passionate topic…is this the entry with the most comments every?????
Me thinks Cupid will make the first move.
“Should a girl ask the guy for his number?”
It’s not a question of whether a girl should or should not ask the guy for his number. If she wants/needs the number, why not?
“Who should make the first move?”
Depends on who wants the number more.
how would u know if a person is male/female through email address?
You’re right about the potential post-rejection effects men might suffer if they make the first move. Plenty of girls titter and giggle with their girlfriends after rejecting a man because they need fodder for gossip, but these women are just plain mean. All the better that they laughed at you, now the people around them will see what bitches they are. It’s their loss, not yours. Even if your buddies jeer at you they probably mean it jokingly. If they too saw that woman laughing at you with her friends, I doubt your buddies would have a good impression of her and being your friends, they’d most likely be on your side. 🙂
But just as there are bitchy women, there are also bastards. True, men would never reject a woman who made the first move, but if they think there are better “fish” out there, they’ll KIV the woman while trying to hook bigger and better fish. If they fail with the rest, then they’ll return to the initial woman and reel her in.
I guess my point is, just as women can be unnecessarily coy and mean when it comes to rejecting men, men can also be ungentlemanly and manipulative when it comes to handling women.
Whether society here is still conservative or double-standard, I think the question is how confident an individual is – man or woman. A confident man would not be concerned with being rejected ungraciously. If the woman turns out to be a bitch who laughs at him, then thank goodness he found out now and not after he’s wasted time and money going out on several dates. If his friends jeer at him, a confident man would remind them that HE, not THEM had the guts to walk up to the lady and speak to her in the first place.
A woman – as independent as she is in this modern age – might not always be willing to make the first move, even if she dares to. Men usually select their targets based on physical attributes or how physically attracted they are to the woman (let’s just assume nobody knows anybody yet). It’s only much later when they discover other facets of the woman that they decide whether to stay on or not. Women, on the other hand, place less emphasis on the physical factor and more on the personality (whether he makes me laugh, is he smart, etc). Now, I’m not saying men are the superficial ones. Women liking a man because he’s smart is JUST as superficial, in my opinion. I’m just saying that the focus for women is different from men. With less of the physical factors involved, there is also less “incentive” for a woman to make the first move (unless, of course, her purpose in hanging out and partying IS to score some sex. In which case, this entire topic is NA).
Perhaps before a man walks up to a woman, he could *try* making eye contact with her first, smile a little and even buy her a drink WITHOUT going straight up to her yet. You can tell alot by how a woman looks at you. Women are usually not as calm as men and therefore not as inclined to hide their expressions. If you repulse her, disgust will surely show up in her expression and you needn’t bother anymore. Buying her a drink without going up to her first means that she can’t reject you out of politeness – the drink’s been poured and paid for – and because you didn’t go straight up to her she’ll feel less intimidated and might even go up to you first!
for me, i think the one who should make the move is the one who is attracted to the other person….heck, u’re not going to make a move on someone u don’t fancy rite?
Now you see in this modern world we have to understand that women are filling roles that was not even thought possible a generation ago. what i do believe is that women in general know what they want especially when it comes to guys.
however i do believe that some traditions especially concerning guy and girl relationships are yet to see a drastic change especially in our region.
i believe that the guy should make the first move. not being a sexist or anything but the female race has given so much for us men.
for example in a night club, they spend quite some time putting on make up, picking an alluring perfume, doing their hair and deciding what to put on so that they won’t look too slutty nor too uptight as well. for guys, we just have to throw on a shirt that doesn’t stink that much and yester-weeks jeans, gel up our hair a bit and make sure we bring some ‘protection’.
i believe if you think the girl is really worth your time and trouble and you really want to get to know her properly all you got to do is grow as set of testicles and march right up to her and be charming with your introduction. strike it to her that you are worth the make up she put on and that cute little outfit she got from Tun Jugah.
if rejection is your main worry then you might as well practice celibacy because even the best pick-up artists fall from time to time.
Some guys are likewise girls you mentioned. They go back and start gossiping. What’s worse, they might call us, girls, names. You know, like “this cheap shit or something, so friggin daring. Stop dreaming, I’m so Brad Pitt. Did she even mirror herself?”. Ego..
Sometimes it’s just so hard to decide whether or not to make the first move as it involves guts and dignity but.. I would say it is ok to give it a try =)
Hey dude, let me share with your the guys who feel awkward asking girls out. Boys, don’t get discouraged when girls turn you down, let them giggle and look down upon you, because one day when they see you have transform into smooth, sweet talking guy, they will come back like a girl puppy.
You see those guys who seem know all the moves and easily pick up any girl they approached, fact is they have practiced, failed many time and learned.
Yes, pick up the ladies needs practice too. If you wanna be smooth, set a goal, like three months. hang out a bar every Saturday night and try to talk to three girls every night. This will help to eliminate your shyness. Sure at first you’ll be dry mouth, shaky legs but after the 4th girl, you’ll be okay.
Learn from your mistake, analyze why didn’t the girls respond? Do you look like a geek, do you still wear spectacles ? ( lose them and go with contacts), did you over dressed? How do yo present yourself ? How was you posture? Did you lean forward, did you open up your wrist? Were you selfish with praises? All are equally important. At the end of the three month practice , you’ll be cool, smooth pick up artist….Been there, done that!
I agree that girls can make the first move, only when they are nearing the ‘expiry date’.
Since its easy for women to make the first move on guys, so there is no need to worry. They can enjoy a few years of ‘being moved on’ and then when they are ready or nearing the ‘expiry date’, they can then make their moves on the men they desire.
LOL
cool
FINALLY SOMEONE AGREES!
YES ALL GIRLS SHOULD MAKE THE FIRST MOVE.. I TOTALLY AGREE KENNY!
AMEN TO THAT! HAHA
Ben is gay!
Bono bo lan
Listen up here..Rest assured that the following pick up lines will definitely help u (guys) pick up gals..trust me…
Starts with..
“Hi. My name is BORAT Sagdiyev..VERY NICE(have a hamsap look on ur face)..SEXYTIME..HOW MUCH?(as if the gal is a prostitute)”
I have no problem with girls making the first move on me.
Well.. that line has two meaning. First, I am not disgusted by and will not look down on girl who make the first move. It also means it never happen to me before.
Sigh..
But seriously, I think it was OK for either to make the first move. Whenever possible, guy should make the first move. Girls can start by dropping hints. If you thinks the guy just doesn’t get it, then make the move because you never know if the guy is too shy and timid or too clueless or feeling too insecured. He could even valued your companion so much he doesn’t dare to risk losing your friendship.
Personally, I have lost a friend many years ago because she could not accept that I like her but I have moved on. Not too long ago, I confessed my feeling to another friend because of one simple reason; I know I am not satisfied with just being her friend. I know how much I want to take our relationship to the next level. I know there is nothing I won’t risk to hear her say yes.
And please don’t worry about being out of league. First get the girl (or guy), then work yourself up his/her league. lol 😉
As for the guy/girl who rejected you and then ridiculed you, do you REALLY want to be in a relationship with such a person?
Bottom line; Guys should make the first move but if nothing happen, U Go Girl – Make The Move!
Oh.. the last girl above.. she rejected me too although we remain good friend. I will still make a move the next time I find someone.
Sheesh.. to think Kenny claimed he has balls the size of a coconut.
waitaminute!!
IS THIS DEBATE THE RESULT OF KENNY AND NICOLE WAITING FOR EACH OTHER TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE???
(sorry- can’t resist starting this controversy.
Girls can la……
I did it 2 days back to my good friend. But I kena teased by my 2 other good friends (who are a girl, and a guy. The girl confessed to the guy, the guy remained neutral, and all four of us are still good friends) xD Hehe I feel so happy nar.
I would have so regretted not telling him. I’m glad I did, however, it was after 5 months of um crush development where I had the chance to gauge whether he liked me. It was super ambiguous because he seemed to like the other girl (my good friend)… Still, on Sunday night I had an impulse and I decided to follow it and confessed on Monday.
I’m so happy nar!
It is me, Illarius again. After reading through all the comments, I have noticed that this debate no longer only concerns the matter of men versus women, but it is all about change versus stagnation. Thus, it is necessary for me to rebut or retaliate with another (perhaps very long) comment.
In this case, some men are calling for a change. They want to break free from the old culture which puts them at a position where they have to initiate relationships, and if necessary, face the embarrassment if the courtship goes awry. While some men who desire such change are just using gender equality as an excuse to save them from making the first move, there are those who are hardcore egalitarians who want both genders to be totally equal, including their positions in a relationship. Women are now financially independent and in most cases, survive better than men in this crazy rat race, women of today have progressed much since the old days. The women have changed, so what right to they have to keep the men stagnant? As times change, some things are bound to change along with it, whether or not people want things to change, that is another matter, but it all boils down to one truth, things change.
Then again, there are men who adhere to the old ways, hence stagnation. Like the days of old, where women are dressed in layers and layers of long clothing, holding a parasol in one hand, a flower basket in the other, walking in groups, giggling gleefully, from nowhere a dashing man with neat oiled hair appears with a bouquet in hand, ready to win over a girl’s hand in marriage. In that era, women making a first move are ludicrous if not unheard of as women are deemed as the stereotypically weaker and passive sex, women’s opinions were not sought, what they say do not matter, if they actually have the guts to utter a word. It seems hunky dory fine to keep things this way, men still retain their ego from the medieval era of knights and barons, they pay for lunch and dinner, buy gifts and if anyone should face the agony of rejection, it should be the men. Now, back to reality, are women still like they are in the olden days, still staying at home to cook and wash, to knit, sew and weave, shut up and listen to what the men say? How far have we progressed since the conservative times?
Then there are those who are on the fence, namely the women, who want both change and stagnation. Nowadays, women are parading in riots and campaigns, fighting for women rights, waging endless wars against discrimination and sexual harassment. 300 years ago, any women who dare do so would be damned to the fiery pits of humiliation. Undeniably, there are many women who have stood up for themselves boldly, and brought around major changes if not vicissitudes in issues regarding gender. Women earning 5-figure pays are no longer a myth, women who build multi-million dollar empires with their own two hands are no longer a legend. If that is not a great change, I do not know what is. Nancy Pelosi, now the Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives, Hillary Rodham Clinton, once First Lady of the United States, now running for president. These are opinionated women, women who speak for what is right, or at least what they think is right; these are perfect role models for the Asian women of today. The metamorphosis is vivid – women are becoming more like men, if not surpassing them. Then, there is the Paris Hilton kind. Men love them, pamper them, but no one would seek their opinion (I doubt Paris knows what an opinion is). I ask of you, the women, are you willing to sacrifice the gender equality just to be pampered and showered with gifts or vice versa?
Undoubtedly, there are many women who still want men to make the first move, fork out money over dinner and buy them gifts and trinkets. Fighting for equality on one hand; yet expecting men to do all the work in initiating and maintaining a relationship, and just remaining at the receiving end, always ready to burn a hole in the men’s pockets while demanding to be recognised as independent individuals who need no help from men to survive, gender equality indeed! Women want more rights, equality, yet a part of them adhere to the old ways, wanting to be passive yet pampered by men, showered with care and gifts, treated like a queen, and also demand the highest respect. This looks fine, but in the long run, disasters are bound to appear. Not even men with great magnanimity can tolerate being slaves to their woman, working hard to pay the bills in the day and trying very hard to appease their partner all the time. Sooner or later they will notice the unfairness and unjustness in such relationships, and that is when problems start to grow. The point is, you cannot have the best of both worlds.
While some men are hoping that the women will initiate a relationship, and some women wish for things to stay the old way. Each sex will come up with their excuses on why this is better and that is not. I hereby quote Nicole “The trick is to make him THINK that he is making is the first move even though you are the one taking the initiative. That way, not only you protect his ego, you are still eligible for the “chase†.†While this sounds like a perfect, unworldly win-win situation, I just want to ask that, how sure are you that all women are actually the type who would “charm†the men over, yet make the men take the first step? How many men actually have such ego that they fight over who pays for lunch, and how many men think it is a necessity to pour gift and trinkets over a women, just as a sign of status? How many women want men to shower them with gifts so they can show their friends the new ring he bought for her or the latest Louis Vuitton or Prada he bought from Europe? Observe these stereotypes, you will notice that it comes into one big circle, women charm men (men think they do so for money or gifts), men give women material goods (thinking that women need that to love men), women accept the goods (thinking that men are doing that to show off), then it comes back full circle, the women love the gifts more than the men (that is what the men think), so they charm more men.
Read the above paragraph, and you will find it saturated with stereotypes. If a man thinks all women are like the stereotypical, superficial women, he will be dragged into that circle. Likewise for a woman. This is a supply and demand, chicken and egg situation. To be happy in pursuing and maintaining a relationship, you must first be rid of the stereotypes and unnecessary paranoia. “Is she going to reject me and make me look like a fool in front of her girl friends?†“Will he reject me and boast it to his office buddies and make me a cheap slut?†“Does he only like me because of my looks and not my personality?†“Does she only want gifts and not a serious relationship with me?†In my opinion, not all women are fond of ridiculing men who woo them, and contrary to popular belief, not all men are shallow, superficial and are only after the looks in women. Every man and woman is unique, one in six billion, so in this sense, it is better to think subjectively about the opposite sex instead of being too objective. Rid of all these self-induced fear and worries, banish all these baseless stereotypes, and I guarantee that you will find it easier to make the first move. But then again, how many are willing to change and rise above stereotyping and superficiality?
All in all, I say that there is no law or rule that dictates which sex should make the first move . Stick to the old ways where the men are the one who initiates a relationship, fine with me. Adapt to the modern, egalitarian way where either side can start a relationship without being restricted by worries and paranoia, you are more than welcome. But keep in mind, that you have to make an effort in getting something you desire; nothing comes free, nothing good drops out of the sky and land on your receiving hands. So, guys, if you like a girl, be brave, do not worry too much and go for it. Likewise, girls, if you think a guy is cute, do not be shy, just summon up a little courage and get to know him. In short, fight for who you like!
Haha, look kenny. From a third person point of view… Check out the amount of comments you receive for this post.
This just proves two things;
1. Malaysians are big suckers for free stuffs. (guys don’t worry, I love free stuff too)
2. Most Malaysians like to be So “chong hei” in explaining so that they think that they’ll get the Hugo XY. Some more, with the “correct” English grammar, they are sure to get it. haha.
I think otherwise.
Watch my vely long explainasion,
I may be young but i do know the rules of the dating game. hehe.
I use to think that guys should make the first move. Until I found out that guys was manipulated to think so by girls.
The girls would make the move first all the time, they made a move by already gossiping about you who is already standing over there. The thing is, they want us to think that we should make the 1st move. But the girls already did so before us. I can tell so why guys wont make the first move on girls…
Because when a hot chick walks by…
(Guys, sorry but I gotta be honest here)
We guys, would totally check the girl out. I believe the more “ham sap” ones will check on their assets… that’s what a typical guy would do. until… another hot chick walks by… hehe.
But the truth I speak, Girl gossips are already a first move because it stirs up thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, if not careful, she might fall… In love with that guy.
Sorry kenny to spoil your eyes to read so much of my crap to try to make you think my comment is worthwhile..
So, did i win?? 🙂 😀
Haha, look kenny. From a third person point of view… Check out the amount of comments you receive for this post.
This just proves two things;
1. Malaysians are big suckers for free stuffs. (guys don’t worry, I love free stuff too)
2. Most Malaysians like to be So “chong hei” in explaining so that they think that they’ll get the Hugo XY. Some more, with the “correct” English grammar, they are sure to get it. haha.
I think otherwise.
Watch my vely long explainasion,
I may be young but i do know the rules of the dating game. hehe.
I use to think that guys should make the first move. Until I found out that guys was manipulated to think so by girls.
The girls would make the move first all the time, they made a move by already gossiping about you who is already standing over there. The thing is, they want us to think that we should make the 1st move. But the girls already did so before us. I can tell so why guys wont make the first move on girls…
Because when a hot chick walks by…
(Guys, sorry but I gotta be honest here)
We guys, would totally check the girl out. I believe the more “ham sap” ones will check on their assets… that’s what a typical guy would do. until… another hot chick walks by… hehe.
But the truth I speak, Girl gossips are already a first move because it stirs up thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, if not careful, she might fall… In love with that guy.
Sorry kenny to spoil your eyes to read so much of my crap to try to make you think my comment is worthwhile..
So, did i win?? 🙂 😀
Sorry Kenny, stupid Internet connection lagged the screen, I accidentally press twice.
Of course its perfectly alright for girls to make the first move.
After all, every move after that is in our hands, i.e: marriage proposals, which movie we shold let HER watch at the cinema, buying flowers and chocolates on valentines, and of course the most drastic of them all….. whether to miss a footy match for a date or not !
Sorry Kenny, stupid Internet connection lagged the screen, I accidentally press twice.
I am a girl, I once confessed to a guy and got turned down in a nice way. I feel so much better after that cause I’ve voiced out what is inside my heart and there is no more guessing whether he likes me or not. In fact, I didn’t feel heartbroken even when he starts dating other girl. Do you know why? That’s because I later found that what I felt for him was not LOVE, I just wanted to possess him. Conclusion, whether you are a guy or girl, be sure that he/she is the RIGHT one, the one that you want to be with before making any move… do not toy with other’s feeling.
Does it matter meh ? Gals or guys ? I think it doesn’t matter. This is the new millenium. Not during the 60’s. Even in my time, ie. the 80’s girls already start to make the move. They even call up guys to join them for parties or go for a movie. I just can’t immagine what’s wrong with that. The only difference during that time is that, we don’t have a handphone. O, yes we do have, but it’s that big bulky “tai-kor-tai” motorolla phone, as big as a u know what..
So, u can’t just give out house phone number to anyone, during that time, cos we have got Ah Mah and Ah Kong. auntie and Tua Pek at home. So, they are the old fashion one.. But at that time, girls aready gave out phone no of their office and even asked numbers from guys.. What’s wrong ???
Ok, the cute little boy..looks like Kenny, a little bit hamsat. So,if he ask for phone no from gals, ofcourse la.. the gals will just pissed him off..
Now adays, girls have personal phone (number), email address…etc. Even eating, at library, on the street, driving etc..they are playing SMS’s. Do you think they are still keeping the numbers secret ? Only the nuts is. Some are even changing their numbers so often as if they are changing their panties !! I am sure phone numbers are not kept secret until they meet their Mr. Right. phone numbers are mend to be known by friends and not be kept as virgin.
If the thought is sincere and clean( not like Mr kenny), there is nothing wrong with who is the one asking for date, asking for phone number or a pet on the shoulder.
p/s: I mean the friendly pet, and not the type Kenny does.
hmm… this is wat i personally think- guys should still be the one making the 1st move… i trust that not all gals will turned a guy’s 1st move into some kind of joke and jus make fun out of it… that is wat uncivilised gals do, i believe.. and if a guy got attracted to such person, its just LUCK!! furthermore gals are a lot more sensitive and they easily get hurt especially when they faced rejection… think bout this, they may be so stupid that they will end up feeling ashamed for the rest of their life.. while for the another STRONGER and more EGOISTIC species, they can easily pretend as if ntg had happened and move on with their life… so,come to think about it, isnt it better for the guys to make the 1st move if it does more good than harm??
Well, to me…it’s perfectly fine for a girl to date a guy out. Why not? If woman refuses to improve or move forward according to the time, we will forever be conservative and not allowing ourselve to grow. How are we woman going to fight for equality or go against gender biasness? When it who should make the first move, then all girls would like the answer to be the man..so how are we going to fight for equality for ourselves? So there goes my comment…girls nowadays, should just be straight forward and date a guy out right away! When you think he’s the right guy..
Contest ends!
Ok! Times up. THE ENDDDDD!!!
Ok, now you tell me how to read through all 463 comments and pick a winner.
HOW!?
everyone are natural born with qualities or power,depend on their character and behavior,check it out their own love…
Luck
men are unlucky…
women are lucky…
When single
men are desperate…
women are desire…
When rejected, they are called:
men are called perverts…
women are called admirers…
Girls should definitely be allowed to make the first move, but by no means should they be expected to.
ey. its not midnight 25th! thats in 24 hours ley.
Few years back, I had a crush on this guy. I told my friends and they encouraged me to express my feeling to him, which I did after a few months of consideration. Initially, I was skeptical about the idea of telling that particular guy that I had that certain feeling towards him. Afterall, I am brought up in a conservative family.
Anyways, I told him because I have been spending an average of RM1,000.00 a month on phone bills for more than a year. All I wanted then was just to listen to his voice everyday. It just felt soothing to hear him thats all. And he entertained my calls all the time. Please be made known that his home is just 10 minutes drive from my place.
But the horrid thing is that he never call me. Not even once. Initially, I thought that he did not call is due to the fact that I had call him already.
I was so wrong. The day I told him my feeling towards him was the day I loose the friendship. From then on, I saw the hatred in him. I was bugging him and so on. It was horrid.
To be honest, I was glad that I told him. At least it helps me to discard that particular person in my life and not hang on to a hopeless person.
Trust me. That was the last time I ever told a guy that I like him. Dropping hints with words and/or body languages are still the best…. At least hints draw attentions….
“Ok! Times up. THE ENDDDDD!!!
Ok, now you tell me how to read through all 463 comments and pick a winner.
HOW!?” – Kennysia
Ignore comments that violates the rules KENNY !!
Comments that has more than 7 sentences… FAIL
Comments that are irrelevant…FAIL
Repeatedly praising KENNY IS SEXY comments.. FAIL
Comments that says GIRLS SHOULD MAKE THE MOVE FIRST…FAIL
Read my earlier comment, if follows all the rules…! 😀
Dating is a game. And usually, the person who plays ‘Asker’ is the guy. If, by “first move” you mean “asking for a date” then it’s done by the Asker.
However, the first move has usually been done prior to that – self-preparation in clothes and accessories, and other subtle signals sent out where there are other people present (a mating call, if you will). And that’s usually by the girl.
To skip the long-winded theory and answer the first question, a very conditional yes. The condition is that the girl already knows something about the guy, or is willing to risk rejection from an unknown factor. AND is willing to work hard to win him over.
Aside from these conditions, absolutely not – guys were born with balls for a reason. Use them, risk the rejection and the ridicule and whatever else comes. He who dares, wins – and to the victor goes the spoils. Which answers the second question with THE GUY!
Aih why so bising? Just do what you want la! Ppl want to move or not up to ppl. Why talk so much? Haish…
This question ar? not easy lo…no matter how much we debate, it won’t change a thing one la. Because people’s personality won’t change 1 ma.
What’s my opinion le? We should always follow our heart and instint lo(what are they for if we don’t use it anyways??). I mean, look at national geography, how the animals court and mate inside? The females all had a kind of smell and the guy will get attracted ma. Did they think so much as to who must make the first move??
But of course we are more civilised now,we drop hints and manipulate and use all kind of accesories(phonecalls,msn,invitations,perfumes,makeup), and observe the reactions to decide if the opposite sex is interested.Of course in this part, both sex are just as important since a balance or harmony must be achived right? So must give response lo!(flirt back , call back or something)
so my conclusion, the strong will win while the weak will lose out lo! Girls who can flirt “skillfully” will nearly always get the guy she wants. Likewise, guys who can chase “skillfully” will also nearly always get the girl she wants. While all the weaklings out there will be lonely( no further generations, thus eliminating the weak). haha! 🙂 that’s how the revolution should work right? the strong shall survive while the weak shall lose out?
The answer will be, yes a girl should ask for the guy’s no.( no harm done), and both sex, whoever is interested should make the first move.
SERIOUSLY!? Seriously!?
Am going to go and buy the HUGO BOSS perfume NOW so it can help me ‘kaw zhai’ by plus points. When I got it, am going to approach some dude and effing ask him out…savvy??? -_-..omg…everyone wants to win the perfume.
If YOU have the looks of brad pitt, just sit back and relax; if YOU have KENNY’s balls, GO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE!
LOL, you are scaringly accurate on that girl-go-back-and-tell-them-about-the-horrible-creep-comment :)…
But, to be fair, guys do that quite often too…except they don’t actually talk about the girl as if she is a horrible creep but in a bit more braggy Hey-that-girl-just-hit-on-me-she-think-i’m-hot way and when it’s passed down from friends to friends, it sometimes does end up being distorted into “that-girl-hit-on-every-guy” …=.=”
I guess it really doesn’t matter whether the girl/guy initiate first. Whichever sex stands a fair chance on being accepted and rejected…
I mean to be honest, we all tend to have our own whims and fancies and be attracted to certain type of girl/guy more compare to others…
So, if she/he is somebody you don’t especially hate and you might still feel flattered when they hit on you, then one might not run to their friends to complain/brag even if they do not accept you immediately :)afterall, human beings have strong survival instinct, they don’t spoil their own opportunities just like that…o.0
But if, unfortunately, you happen to pick someone who just DOES NOT LIKE and DOES NOT EVEN WANT TO TRY TO LIKE your type of guy/girl, hai…bad luck la…you just have to run the risk of destroying a bit of your reputation, afterall there’s never a 100% safe venture 😉
…anyway, after all that say, PLEASE do be a bit natural when hitting on somebody =.=
It do get a bit irritating if the person is too forward – like ask for your phone number right after introduction…or too un-tactical – like just straight away tell you “i think you are cute, can i be your friend” -.-” ”
Do attempt to talk about normal things (meaning those you would talk to your friends about) first before hitting on – chances of success is really much higher.
…and yes, then there would be less single girls and guys in the world
…AND less girls/guys labelling each other unnecessarily
…AND of course, less worry on who should or who should not hit on each other first >
Not in seducing or trying to date the guy, just trying to make friends. I do always approach guys first…
Guys would always be happy to talk to me and I never fail in getting their emails n phone numbers.
Guess is not wrong for girls to make the first move once in a while, just that we are more passive and hoping that guys would be the active one =)
Girls enjoy the feeling for guys ‘chasing’ after them..
world had change… guy n girls had change is not like girl duty now is staying home waiting for thier parents to find a husband for them n next thing they do is to give birth for the family.. now there r lots of girl look more stronger thn a guy man.. haha!!
Unfortunately, although this might be
abit against poor Kenny, but…
Majority guys look most at prettiness
and sociability of the girl. If the
girl that comes to him asking have
both of that qualities, even if he
had no intention to love her in the
first place,he might opt to accept
her coz he will look good..
however, in the case of a guy asking
a gurl..girls usually are more
observant and prefer to look at how
guys react and such.Thus,gettin into
a one-sided relationship is
avoidable.
If he can lower his ego..which is a
goddamn indisposable liability for a
guy and go forward to ask her..
then it makes perfect sense to me
that he will friggin take so good
care of her.
Guy’s ego always result mini-world-wars which sucks.
unfortunately, paisehness..it is
inevitable..
I think what Kenny said is somewhat true. But at this modern age, I don’t think it matters whether a guy or gal should make the first move! Anyone could make the first move!
Two people meeting in this world is such a miracle and hard-to-be-missed opportunity. If you do not make the first move, he/she will be just another stranger in your life!
Yes, both guys and gals has their worries of rejection and the after effects of the rejection…… Why not started off as a friend first instead of jumping into the “love river” when you hardly know the “stranger”. Observe he/she and sends signals while spnding time together. At most, when you are rejected of your first move, you can still be friends! There is nothing to lose.
Of course, you should check if he/she is the gossiping type if that is what you feared the most.
Good luck to all of you!
i cry foul,
the page wouldn’t load for me last night due to hell lot of comments, so I had to go and sleep..
-.-
Let’s say a guy asks the girl for her number, takes her out on dates and tells her that he likes her.
Why in the world will he tell his friends that he doesn’t like her and act all goody in front of them and get all touchy behind close doors? Is this a player or a really confused dude?
sure sure .. what the heck .. it’s time for the girls to start chipping THEIR money so they can say the line … ‘Can i buy u a drink?’ … ooo … one sunshine margarita please!!
I find it irresistible sexy for either men or women to be honest with their feeling and to display that confidence. If I like a guy, as long as he is single, I will go talk to him, ask for his number. Why not? Life is short, go get what you want. You want to wait till Christmas to say I love you? Good Lord.
Woah frigging 400 comments,
I didn’t take the time to go through all of them…
Do you ever have a time when you met someone new and you felt like you’ve known them somewhere for a long time?
In communication terms, it’s call rapport. Google it.
You can actually learn to build rapport and collapse it anytime you wish, thus it DOESN’T matter who asks who first!
Perhaps you call that chemistry and in my understanding it establishing rapport with anyone you want to communicate with.
Have fun! Because you will.
ofcoz is “gal should make the 1st move”! ur idea same with me, kenny!
first of all, we owez heard “ladies first” but it owez seems like ladies only be first when there’s good thing (be the 1st to go into some places, the 1st to go out when there is accident, the 1st to take food etc), if its a bad thing, usually no one will say ladies first.. eg: dating oposite gender, who should make the 1st move, who should buy things for lovers during valentine etc and that is SUPER UNFAIR for men!
for those lamers who said “in this world most men dates women, so nth to discuss on this topic anymore, a man should ofcoz owez a must to auto date a woman”, i would jz say “in this world a lot of ppl ever eat shit, u follow them eat shit oso la! copy dog!”
lets say when a guy be the 1st to date a gal, definitely the guy has greater love to the gal, the gal may totaly dun have love to that guy or only little love for him (definitely wont have greater love then guy). since in this world most guy dates gal, that means in this world, most gal obtained more love than guys.. what a pity for guys.. i wouold say guys r d most kolian ppl in this world.. and this is unfair between men n women, to make it fair, gal should start dating guys now! guy date gal = old generation, new generation = gal date guy!
and for those stupid ppl who think the men “balls” r use for dating gals.. stop it n go back form 1 study ur science lah! well, i know u mean ball = courage, it doesnt mean that gal should not have courage or guy must be bravier than gal! if u think guy got “ball” and should use it to date gal, i tell u “ur booob is bigger than 10 balls, use it to date guys la!”
sometimes it doesnt mean that if u got courage u will win it, its a 50 : 50 risk. if u win it, u r lucky, if u don win. u r super unfortunate! u will be caled pervert! tats all. but for gal, when u date a guy n the guy don wan u, what will u lose? now is modern world, only conservative guys will think the gal who date guy is cheap gal! n most guy will still call those gal who dates them as their admirer, will anyone called those gal pervert? gal date guy = easy job, guy date gal = hardest job!
well, if a guy doesnt take a first move, wat will ppl say? the guy is gutless, “ball”less, weak, loser, lame etc… if a gal doesnt take a first move, wat will ppl say? “oh that gal is jz shy only mar” so unfair between both gender! but if guy take 1st move, he will stil have the posibilities to get a name – pervert etc.. so, what should guys do? ofcoz jz sit there n wait gal chase la!
guys r the pitiest in this world, they owez get scolded and blamed but what can they do? take a look at the comentors above, how many comentors have scolded guys? ofcz there r some bad guys that reli deserves that, but not all.. gals, pls look at the world and the status of the modern women, almost everything is bias and advantage to gals nowadays.. the modern gals live a lot better lives than the ancient gals.. and still wan guys to make 1st move and other stuffs to please u? sigh…
Kenny :I reckon most guys won’t have the heart to reject a girl’s advances anyway.And even if they do, you won’t see us going back to our mates and gossip all over you. It’s just not “the man thing” to do.
If you’re talking about :
1. average looking guys
2. guys which aren’t that popular
3. guys which are good looking yet exceptionally good hearted which is VERY VERY rare.
then YES they won’t.
BUT if the guy did not fall in any of the category above then there’s a few responses:
IF the girl which is average/not so good looking/ not pleasant looking make the first move.
SOME guys:
1. When the girl ask for his no.
Give the girl the wrong no/correct no, discuss the girl with his friends. Call the girl all sorts of names. CHEAP would be the most common one. Worse to worst would be slut, or desperado.
2. When the girl ask him out for a date.
He’ll find reason to reject the girl’s invitation. The next time he and his friend meets up. He’ll definitely mention that the girl approach her Trying to boast on how popular he is among girl. Names for the girl like TOH POOI PO (if the girl is fat) will be given.The next time they sees her. They LAUGH and TEASE LOUDLY about her.
(Girls giggle, and whisper)
SOME GUYS gossips LIKE OLD LADY, worse than a girl alright.They’ll spread rumors about the girl “CHEAP-NESS”and they’ll make fun of it.
** This not only happen to average to not good looking girls. It happen to pretty girls too.
Slut is more commonly use for pretty girls. A few reasons they use that word.
1. They can’t own that girl, and that girl likes another.
2. They are interested,yet afraid to approach, while their friend approach and they feel jealous.
3. The girl socializes or to intimate with other guys.
You have no idea, how many guys has their XY chromosome’s altered to XX-XY.
XX-Girls gossip.
XXX-y – Some guys gossip-SSSSSSSSSSSSS…..
You might find similarities between my comment and your post.
I’ll tell you the differences.
Guys reject girls in a far worse way than girls reject guys.
——————————————–
I don’t hate guys even though I gave such comments. It’s just what I’ve seen some of my friend going through.
Kenny : girl should try making the first move sometimes.
Why not? Just make sure that, the guy’s not a bitch before you make any move. If not, you’re putting yourself in a deep shit of humiliation.
My comments only refers to SOME guys and not all the guys.
Lastly, I’m sorry if any of you guys are offended by my comment.
A miss out point:
Some guys who fall inside the 3 category does that too. Because they think they’re good looking or over confidence.
hey kenny,
pity u wei..have to go thru all these long-winded comments to pick a winner..let me help u out with some tips to pick up the WINNER to ease ur burden..
All the comments posted earlier are roughly the same..either they suggest the gals, or guys or both genders to make the first moves..there is no right/ wrong SPM answers here.
Pick the comment which is short and straight to the point..
So, WHO SHOULD MAKE THE FIRST MOVE?
Whose genital parts itchy and need some ACTION (SEXYTIME!!) make the first move laa..Simple as ABC…Problemmmm solved!!Kacang putih!!
so, my tip helpful, rite?hope it helps to u find the deserved winner..actually, i redi helped u pick the winner..rite?so, how can i get the perfume, huh?im in Aus now…if u need to deliver here, i am happy to pay for the postal charges..
Nobody move. Satan to decide and tag a team. Praise Lord Satan.
By the way, I have to get that perfume for my girl.
kenny, r u sure girls shud make the first move? T.T…
i knw its pretty unfair to guys because THEY shud make the first move. but so lame LAH if girls go ask guys out xD
“People are wrong: The size of a man’s penis is unimportant. What matters is how big his balls are.
So for guys who are always only *THINKING* of making the first move but NEVER seem to get there, maybe its time to actually PUT your balls in your pants and USE THEM for once.”
Alicia you are the 1!!
lolz..
whether a guy or a girl should make the first move much depends on other factors…
scenario #1
when your frens get pushy, or betting whether you have the guts to go out there and talk to the potential one, and his or her number… (this happens to girls and guys as well…) encouragement helps a lot…
scenario #2
when you have a motive to go for him or her (maybe out of desperation?), your adreline boost will make you do so… and this happens to guys and girls also!!!
scenario #3
depends on which side is shy, shich side is daring… on my observation, shy guys get attracted to outgoing and daring girls… i wonder this consider the feng shui match or not =P… and also vice versa… so if u are a shy guy, the girl will be much better in asking his number first… if the guy is not shy shy type, he will rather fall for shy shy girls (not shy shy cats oh =)), and he will automatically approach the girl…
to me… it is a ‘game for two’… very much depending on our basic instinct and communication… technically speaking, you send a ‘hello’ signal, hoping to get an acknowledgement, if the acknowledgement sends back, meaning ‘your line is put through successfully’… if you don’t receive an acknowledgement, you will receive a failure signal, automatically you won’t proceed….
it will come naturally… besides, the world is round?
well, i think both gender deserves the right to pursuit their happiness and the that person they like, haha but we need to bear in mind that everyone deserve the same right as to reject you:P
i think the most important factor is to show your utmost sincerity when you make the move. if u don’t look too bad, if the target is available, and if the target can feel your sincerity…i think the success rate would be quite high.
it would come down to personality, whether you’re a girl or guy. If you’re the more active type, normali they would be the one who make the move. Else if you’re the more passive type, u’ll do all those signals to attract the other’s attention and hoping that they’ll notice.
normali it would be guys taking the first move, but hey, time changes. girls are now getting more bolder and bolder and i think this is good news. most of the time, guys would find girl’s passive signals hard to understant, so it would be easier if girls would take the first move on guys.
i honestly think that the success rate for girls to take the first move would be higher compare to guys taking the first move.
lastly i would like to end this comment by saying that we should also learn to reject people politely. you know, when you see some of the leng lui or leng zhai rejected people till like insulting them. argh…..i think these type of people is not worth for you at all..
anyway all the best to all the first movers out there, gambate! 🙂
boys are like tigers waiting to prowl on their preys, which is now the girls. sometimes, the preys can set up their own trap or defence system and the predators get to eat their own medicine. so, girls can and sometimes should make the first move by setting up ‘bobby traps’ as the ‘predators’ a.k.a. boys are sometime outnumbered and become shy. *_*
Guys should make the 1st steps… not girl….
its simply because girls feel shy…. although now is modern days already…
Guys should make the 1st steps… not girl….
its simply because girls feel shy…. although now is modern days already…
Oh, yes! I SO agree! Women should definitely try making the first move. Guys can be so blur sometimes and miss your signals and hence you miss your chance all because of some pride you have inside of you. Besides that, if you really dig a guy there must be something about him that makes other girls equally as interested too! In my opinion, you should grab him while you can…Guys like some flattery too and we should give it to them now and then… What goes around comes around right? ;P
501 !
It’s a fair world … anyone can take the 1st step .
We are no longer traditional … so pls accept if a girl took the 1st step to get your contact.
i guess its too long here so i posted it up in my blog, just that particular sections esp for you~ check it out.
http://zeltkueh.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/2007/10/the_moment_a_gu.html
With compliments of kennysia.com
Keep up your blog as its the sole entertainment i have out here.
And i tot i should be commenting on another topic, sorry, wrong column, any ways. i will say BOTH can make the 1st step. depends on the situation lah~
Talking about gender equality… PFFT!
Well, I’m the one who make the “Move” most of the time and guess what, it’s been already seven times!!!
And I’ve got rejected seven times.
Reason:
– Usually the guys make the move
– Guys find it no fun if we, ladies make the move
– Guys want to do the hunt.
I was like so exasperated to hear something like that.
My friend’s lecturer told his class about this exam question called: Define Courage. And you know what? There’s this guy who took this exam, and for that question, he wrote: THIS IS COURAGE. And handed the paper up.
IMHO, girls are also equally afraid of rejection. Guys are too. It’s all up to the individual’s self esteem, his confidence, and most importantly, COURAGE. COURAGE TO FAIL. I don’t think many of us have that quality.
And that guy passed that paper.
Guys want to do the hunt? Well, I don’t after for like so many times. I wish we could exchange places and me being hunted for a change.
Many many many years back (back in secondary school days), I used to write love letters to a tuition mate expressing my feelings. Funny thing was I didn’t even know her and I got the courage to do it.
But things have toned down since then. I’ve lost interest in chasing after the last round 3 years ago. Now, all I want is to rest a bit and maybe wait a little.
If by 40, I’m still single, so be it then. I’m a little tired already…
Hi Kenny, yesterday, I spent some time commenting. Whether you believe it or not, I suddenly had an allergy attack. Never happened to be before. Thought I was gonna pass out of suffocation. Doc said something bit me. Well, I know its sorta late to participate. Won’t hope much.. =)Just in case you change your mind, my comment is here. http://lorindalinda.blogspot.com. I’d be happy even if you drop by. Thanks.
Sincerely, Linda
hey kenny,
i did try to make the first move.
well, as you said ‘guys dont just turn down on women straight away’.
the thing is he did not turn me down or rejected me. Instead he ask me to come back home, and we shall talk. I am currently in overseas pursuing my edu.
So, what does he mean ..?
And its always how much courage one have and how much one would sacrifice to get their partner.
Determination leads to success.
And never try, never know la .. ^^
All those long-winded comments -zzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!
Who’s the winner, Kenny?
nope. i disagree. 🙂 thats because girls also get teased by her friends and possibly the guys friends as well. the guys friends could be thinking “omg, that girl is so ugly, shes outta your league man”. isnt that equally embarrassing?
haha, alicia’s comment kicks ass, kenny, nice pick~ especially the part about the penis and the BALLS! hahaha. cheers~
I know the contest ended. Can’t help posting in my few cents..
XX: Do you have a GF?
XY: NO, why?
XX: Why not? (in the heart thinking; YES!!)
XY: Erm, dunno. Nobody wants me
XX: OH. (but, i want you ma)Didn’t any girls tell u that they like you?
XY: Huh? no wor.
XX: Ha? Really ar? (i’m trying u tell u la, idiot!)
XY: Yea la.
XX: But have you like any girls before ( pls say me!)
XY: er…don’t remember la. Got kua.
XX: Who? Who? ( Pls say me me me!!)
XY: erm..no la. Nothing wan la.
XX: What kind of girls do u like? (pls mention some qualities that i have)
XY: erm. normal kind la
XX: But for example? (idiot, just say something la)
XY: Huh, what do u mean?
XX: Like tall, pretty, slim, fair, smart..(pls pls dont say tall, cause im short as hell)
XY: Depends la
XX: Depends on what? Example?
XY: erm, fair lor.
XX: (YES! strike one!) S’more leh?
XY: S’more like how?
XX: What other qualities la? (Don’t u get it?!!)
XY: Dunno la, why u ask?
XX: #!??%!!!
Girls, there are only 3 types of guys:
1) The blur one
2) The blur one
3) The blur one
So stop making yourself frustrated by trying to hint to him about your feelings cause u can wait till the cows come home and yet, he still doesnt get it. So stop wasting your time trying to pretend to like football, trying to google his name on the internet, trying to find links to his friendster, trying ask him silly questions, or even trying to get his number from your friend’s bro’s friend’s friend. Go ahead and just tell him! What have you got to lose anyway?
Reading your past experience, I guess those girls are just so immature to poke fun of turning you down. Luckily you are not with them. Does show you clearly that they won’t be the kind of girls you will be happy with anyways.
However, I must say that there may be some good reasons why a girl turn down a guy (at least sometimes there is a good enough reason).
But hey, anyone can make the first move, doesn’t matter guy or girl.
Anyways, I know of someone who got turned down by this girl (she had her reasons at that time) but he took another chance and last I heard the both of them are very happy to be together. Above all both are glad that they both took the chance.
Just do it if you like the person. It doesn’t matter if you are a man or a woman.
I would rather regret doing something than not doing something.
Gosh Kenny I totally agree with you, and I dont qualify to enter this perfume thing. And I tried confessing once, and what I got in return? Rejection. Spoils reputation, eh?
i ask for this guy that i likes number, he did not response.. soon, i was becoming popular because everyone at campus was bitching about me(don’t know who spread the rumours around and added some perencah tomyam n laksa making it sizzling)…avoided him ever since…
Later(as in a few weeks), he ask me out on a date(he personally looking for me ,hehe) because he said he miss seeing me around(since i kept disappear when i bumped into his shadowa miles away,normally i would always accidentally bumped into him…wink!!)…turns out that he actually have a crush on me too!!!(he admits that he was shock that i asking his number from his fren n not from him personally)How on earth can i have courage to ask from him directly?
By the way ,he was thingking to ask me out the day i ask for his number from his fren(but i beat him to it)
we go out even more often after we have our first real conversations(not the one when we met around campus and just smile sheepishly at each other, o the “hey,did u catch our drama team yesterday , the ah kua wear baju kebaya wit heels, n then he ,i mean she stumles down the stairs n everyone laugh at him ,i mean her..i laugh too…haha!so funny.NOT.)
Even after he officially anounce as his girlfren,people still bitching about me.(Haters)I am happy now since i got the guy that i want..thank god i tried to make a first move,if i had not? i probadly still sambung our conversation about that drama team actor, i mean actress …hehe
Morals of the story:
1.people bad mouth about other people no matter they what.it’s their partime job.
2. guys can be a snail (even slower than tortoise sometimes,they oso paiseh when it comes to girls ,especially the one they like,they will be thingking wether they will make the move today o maybe 2morow o just wait another day n see what happen then,Finally when they have enough courage,they chicken out..they do that often.so we girls have to wait patiently at the corner and got old n wrinkled(act as damsel)LAME!!
3.Girl who make the first may have the better guys because girls have better judgement on guys simply because girls don’t just fall for looks alone,other qualities such as how thick is his wallet oso counts?:-p(muahahaha)
4.boys will be boys..they all have big fat ego.deal wit it
5.if you don’t make the first move,you willl regret it later since you don’t try..even if you face rejection,deal wit that too..nobody will win always, right??no matter if your a male o female.
6.no more waiting already,just do what your hearts wants you to..Except if he rejects you publically n you just want to die of embarasement.your hearts tell you to kill everyone who stares n whispering ..DON’T DO THAT..instead ask your most hansome(preferably long distane n unfamous among your click)cousin pretend to be your boy come pick you up at campus wit his hotest wheel.then spread around that you already got yourself a boy,,you just want to make more FRIEND.wink!
This has been a real eye-opening post. I guess, because I haven’t had much experience with relationships nor do I hang out with people who are interested in this kind of thing yet, I expected everything to run as smoothly as they do in those old fashioned fairytales. The girl does not need to wink, cross her legs, flick her hair, the guy just somehow knows that she likes him and whisks her away on his white stallion. But I suppose that would be expecting guys to be able to read the minds of girls. I don’t suppose they can look into the girls’ eyes and see that the girls well… love them. Can they? Lol.
Nevertheless however, things like winking etc etc (esp adjustig you top!) seem too… obnoxious to me. Wouldn’t something more subtle leave a better impression? It just… I don’t know.. takes the romance out of romance.
This is just one of those questions which can never be truly answered and is also up to one’s personal opinion.
yes i agree with you….guys are brave enough to just go up to a girl they fancy and ask her out and most of the time they get rejected…and then the gossiping starts…Gilrs should make the fisrt move now as it is the new centuary…
Is ok for a girl to ask number from a guy, some guy are shy and would not make a first move if he want to know the girl.
No, Kenny, if you suggest that, then lagi you won’t have chance with girls because they can’t be bothered to ask for you number! You still gotta ask them, at least got chance to hook up somehow!
THE DAMN TRUTH
GIRLS HAVE APPROACHED ME AND ASKED ME OUT AND IT TURNED OUT FINE
I HAVE APPROACHED WOMEN AND ASKED THEM OUT AND IT TURNED OUT FINE
SOMETIMES THE GIRLS THAT ASK ME OUT…WE GO ON DATES AND THEN BECOME FRIENDS OR HI BYE BUDDIES
OR WE DATE MORE
SOMETIMES WHEN I ASK GIRLS OUT, I GET REJECTED
THE BOTTOM LINE
IF YOU HAVE A CRUSH, GO FOR IT, DOESNT MATTER IF YOUR MALE AND FEMALE
YALL PEEPZ NEED TO STOP ANALYSING. THE SAME BITCHES THAT REJECT GUYS END UP ON MATCH.COM
some r good and some r wrong
i, a girl, for the first time, made the first move… outcome- i think he’s a bit freaked out. i feel better now after reading this post though.. I mean, I gave it a try instead of wasting my life away calculating probabilities. the problem with women making the first move is that if it backfires, you can’t really go to your girlfriends- they’ll just be horrified at how GARANG/HIONG you were.
yea. so i’m glad I read this post 🙂
this is the definition of wishful thinking my friend, so I’d like to give a little advice of my own
PRACTICE GUYS!, not to sound like a pig but if guys actually paid attention and learned how to properly read “The signs”, the you’d be able to get the name number and email in 10 mins or less I guarantee you
ermm.. probably guys like you won’t go back and start gossiping but I do have guy friends who actually acted like a bunch of sissies behind a girl’s back . He tells his roommates bout this girl stared at me today i think she likes me and it starts spreading .. wth! happened to me and i looked at him cos he happened to be the guy my friend admired.. sheesh! Got so shocked when his roommate told me bout it haha.. Guess it’s not ideal for a girl to make the first move after all hhehehehe
love is a gamble. doesn’t matter if its a guy or a girl. if you like someone just muster up the courage and ask them out. rejection is part of life after all. just put on a brave face and take a risk.
Both should make the first move! Guys – throw away your ego. Girls – please don’t think you’re too good to be approached. Just face it! No one loses anything if it doesn’t work. No harm trying. Even if its not a relationship but at least you got yourself a new buddy. Isn’t that great rather than ignoring him/her.
Bottom line, I approach my partner by calling him first and after three years, he still thanks me for being daring or else we won’t be getting marrie in 6 months 😀
agree with u Serean…. and congrats also..
So… Guys are supposed to make the first move since if they make themselves look like pathetic idiots in the eyes of the girl and everyone she is with, as well as being laughed at by his friends (Which actually isn’t that bad, but anyways) isn’t supposed to matter at all.
But girls shouldn’t make the first move on a guy, since the guy might think he’s cheap?
I see this pretty silly.
Ofc this is prolly a lot different in all the different countries with their own culture, but from where I’m from, I have to say I doubt hardly any guys think a girl is “cheap” if they make a move on a guy they like.
i think anyone will do, just nothing much but asking for their numbers and everyone has the right to do so.
in many arguements, there are certain truth in 2 sides. because there’s no 100% right answer.
ppl argue and broke up oso because both had their own reasons and logics.
as a guy, i totally und kenny’s experiences and feelings.
to think on girl side, it varies.
not al girls will generalize a guy with her gossipin frens. but most of the time, if the guy is not hot or above average, most likely the girls will like “c tat guy, neh.. blabla”
it is high tendency… even if a hot guy do not tackle u and just being cool, all the girls will eyed on him the very moment they door and start “omg, he’s so hot” and girls star8 fight among themselves.
if a guy is cool yet good lookin, they stil had girls like them or even like them for being cool.
if a guy is cool yet ugly, what is best bet ?
in uni, colleges, those noob looking and loner guys very unlikely got girls talk to them. that’s e truth.
not to say gender stereotyping, but that’s the same case with the guys.
consciously, we know good lookin not mean good personality. but subconsciously, we just melt and excited to c hot guys/girls.
but as the world is now, there are hot guys/cool and less hot guys/friendly. same with girls.
the world balanced itself in tis sense.
Girls make the first move (with the exception of creepy or married guys). When we like a guy we look at you, smile and hope your gender is paying attention to come over to where we are and strike up a conversation.
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