Today was such a bad day. Its not just the car accident, its not just the Siarong incident, but many issues happened at the same time and collectively they took their toll on me.
I wanted to move on and write something new, but there are some things bothering me these past few days and I want to get them off my chest.
I have rubbed many people off the wrong way, and I wish to make my apologies.
Firstly, to my real life friends.
I apologise to IC, for snatching your blades away from you, alerting your parents and then sending you to the hospital when you overdosed on sleeping pills last night after a bad fight with your bf. I honestly feared that you were going to foolishly end your life last night. I’m glad you’re ok now.
I apologise to IC’s bf for my interference. I know she looks up to me but she’s really just a platonic friend of mine. I’m as concerned for her as you are. Please don’t take it the wrong way thinking that I have something against you. Its not true. I respect you.
I apologise to you, MN for keeping my mouth shut about your ex bf. When it happened I didn’t think too much of it. I didn’t tell you because I myself think it was a very small issue and I knew you’re going to make a big fuss out of it. I didn’t keep you in the loop for your own good. Despite its bumpy journey, I was adamant that your relationship was still gonna work out in the end. I’m sorry that it didn’t.
Now, onto the online saga.
I apologise to all my readers who were offended and lost their confidence and respect in me after viewing that particular entry.
I apologise to the non-existent ‘kids’ who were in attendance at the after party. You must have sneaked past the bouncer into an over-18-only dance club with your invisible cloak – the same one Harry Potter used to sneak into the Chamber of Secrets. And I didn’t see you hiding there in the corner. Sorry.
I apologise to those who commented on my relationship as if they knew me. I’m sorry, but who are you?
There are things in my private life I don’t write online: my family, my work, my girlfriend. But just this once I’ll write about my girlfriend.
My girlfriend has seen the picture. I showed it to her. She didn’t think too much about it.
My girlfriend likes Sarong Party Girl. She admits she’s a fan of hers. In fact, I think she reads Sarong Party Girl and Waiter Rant more than she reads kennysia.com. Very sad.
My relationship with my girlfriend isn’t the same as it was compared to say, a year ago. At the moment I have no intentions to move back to Perth and she has no intentions to come live with me in Kuching. We are in a long-term long-distance relationship. I don’t know if we have a future together. Its bleak. We had a long talk about this and we both agreed to “leave it up to fate”. We used to be very possessive of each other, but its been so long we’re apart, our grip has loosen somewhat.
That’s partially the reason why my inhibitions were low when I was in Singapore. Still, when I posed for that photo I don’t think I did anything wrong because it was a spoof. I make NO apologies for that.
I apologise to my girlfriend for breaking my promise not to write anything about her, or about our relationship.
I apologise to Jeff, Mack, Brown, Caleb and especially Michael. I recklessly did something potentially damaging. But you guys were there to stop “the shit from hitting the fan”. I’m sorry. I learnt my lesson. I almost owe you my life. But I cannot do that, so I’ll just chia you coffee instead next time we meet. 🙂
I apologise to those who said I did what I did to attract hits. I’m sorry because you’re wrong.
There’s a lot of people who urged me to write for myself and not for others.
When I put up that post, I did exactly that – I wrote for myself. At the back of my mind, I know there will be moral crusaders who’s not gonna like it. I didn’t care, I still put it up. I wrote it because its a very unusual and out-of-the-ordinary situation that occured. Its not everyday a topless model wants to take a photo with me (I wish), so I think its blogworthy. So I wrote it for MYSELF.
One of my fave bloggers went to Melbourne’s Sexpo and took photos with a topless porn star. Another one put up photos of her friend getting his pubes trimmed, her female friend’s peeing by the roadside (bare bottom and all), and her other friend flashing half her ass to the camera. They were all very cheeky photos, and I thought they were bloody hilarious. NOBODY who commented on their page found them offensive at all.
I didn’t know I’d cause such a reaction because let’s face it – everyone seen hers, everyone seen mine, so what the heck, rite? BUT, I was wrong. The fact that she’s Sarong Party Girl, and the fact that I’m Kenny Fucking Sia changes things. There’s an unwritten rule that when you’re both bloggers with more than 6,000 visitors coming your site everyday, you’re not allowed to do the things we did, no matter how harmless it may seem.
I apologise for taking down that particular post. I’m not going to put it back up. I’ve caused enough trouble.
I apologise to Izzy. I wanted to drop you a mail one of these days to clarify things. The storm has been hard on me these past two days, but thanks for explaining the actual situation on your end. You are the innocent victim in my mistake. I agree, the people who were there found it funny. The humour somehow got lost in translation from life to blog.
I apologise to people who said that my blog isn’t as funny as it was before. You don’t need to tell me that. Even I myself find my own blog is getting boring lately. Then again, this is kennysia.com, not Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. You didn’t pay and expect me to entertain you. That’s not my job. My job is as an IT Manager, and my blog is just something extra. A hobby. I can stop blogging the next day and I won’t owe a single cent to you because I have absolutely no commitment to you at all.
I admit my blog isn’t as interesting as it was before. I admit I’m turning into a Kenny Sia that I don’t know. I wanted to go back to the way I was before, but I can’t. How do you expect me to go back to being funny when critics were firing disheartening attacks against me? At best, it’ll just make me come up with lame, very lame jokes. How can I be expected to make you laugh, when I’m not even laughing myself?
I didn’t change my blog. You did.
Times like these, I need your support. Not for you to kick me in the gut when I’m down on the floor.
When you write for your readers, people say you should write for yourself. When you write for yourself, people say you shouldn’t write this and that. We’re looking at Bloglitics in action here, people. (And to think I coined that word. Oh, the irony.)
I apologise to everyone who sent me encouragement e-mails / blog entries / cheery MSN messages. I’m sorry I can’t reply them all. Just wanted to let you know, you made my turmoil a little easier to get through. Thank you. People like you are golden.
I want to apologise to minishorts and XiaXue.
No, sorry.
I apologise to Claire Khoo and Wendy Cheng.
There’s a difference.
You wrote about your reaction to my entry. You think what I did was wrong, and you disapproved of it. You didn’t hold back with your criticisms. I read your comments about me, and they hurt. They hurt me lot more than what many other people were saying. That’s because I care what you think.
But you were judging me as a friend. Others were judging me as a blogger.
And as a friend, I let you down, I disappointed you, I made you cry. Of course you have every right to be angry at me. And I’m terribly sorry.
There are friends who stick by you and approve of your actions regardless of what they think is right or wrong. Then there are friends who, when you did something wrong, give you a tight slap across your face and ask you to turn back, to wake up.
Claire and Wendy belong to the latter category. They didn’t do it because they hated me. They did it because they love me as a friend and genuinely care for me. In the process, they had to put up with commenters on their blogs who claimed they’re jealous of me / wanted to betray me / or the utterly ridiculous ones like “You complain so much, go pose naked with him lah!”
They didn’t deserve this. I deserved it. Its the trouble I caused. Why do they have to put up with all this bullcrap? Yet, they did. And although they’re majorly disappointed, they STILL find it in themselves to cheer me up over MSN when I went online.
Friends like these, where to find?
The Saddam Party Girl Controversy
This entry is not-safe-for-work, so make sure your boss, workmates, husband, wife, brothers, sisters, children and doggies are not around you before you continue reading.
If I ever said I’m not a fan of Saddam Hussein, I’m sorry. I take those words back. He’s found a new fan in me after the Iraqi Bloggers Conference 2005.
Saddam Hussein missed all the afternoon session of the conference and turned up only during the after party.
Spider Hole bars are all the rage in Iraq.
I spotted him wearing business suit inside the spider hole of Baghdad’s hippest club, WMDXO at the Esplana-Fallujah. I don’t know if he knows me, so I walked over there and introduced myself.
I’m glad I did. That man just kept giving me surprises after surprises throughout the night.
Kenny: “Hi, I’m Kenny. :)”
Saddam: “Heyyyyyyyy, you’re Kenny! You’re from Kuching right? Guess what? I’m from Kuching too!”
Kenny: “Whoa!”
Surprise #1: Saddam Hussein recognised me.
Surprise #2: Saddam Hussein is from Kuching! Damn, I never read enough of his bio to realise that.
“Excuze me teacher! I want to go to toilet!”
To be precise, Saddam Hussein is born in Tikrit but his parents are from Kuching. But I don’t care, I want to claim him as one of our own. 🙂 Despite him being so controversial, I’m still proud that such an evil dictator like him has roots from my hometown, ok?
Saddam: “You know… I know exactly what your Weapon of Mass Destruction looks like.”
Kenny: “I know what your Weapon of Mass Destruction looks like too!”
Not bad for a conversation starter eh? How I wish I could say that to every evil oppressor I know. 😉
Before he found fame as an evil dictator, Saddam worked as a tortoise-fighting plumber for a short while.
We were referring to the ‘UN Weapons Inspection’ crisis when Saddam Hussein vehemothly denied that he possessed stockpiles of Anthrax and VX nerve gas agent. Next thing you know, George W Bush went crazy sending airstrikes and ripped Saddam a new asshole with his cowboy ‘Shock and Awe’ campaigns.
I was amused why George W Bush made a big deal out of this when UN inspector Hans Blix already said that Iraq has no Weapons of Mass Destruction. So I went ahead and e-mailed George Bush a photo of me with my WMDs.
Sad to say, my picture wasn’t as well-received.
Later that evening, in a Saddam Hussein’s secret underground dungeon where many other evil Iraqi generals were congregating…
Kenny: “Hey Saddam, can I take a photo with you?”
Saddam: “Yah, sure!”
Kenny: (to Chemical Ali) “Ali, can you help us take a photo?”
Chemical Ali: “Sure, man.”
Saddam: “You know what would be really funny? I think we should do a photo together showing off our nuclear bombs.”
Kenny: “!!!”
Kenny: “I’ll do it. Are you gonna do it?”
Saddam: “I’ll think about it, but only if you do it first.”
Kenny: “Okay.”
Who said I have two pimples in front of my chest?
I don’t know what happened next but the chatty room full off evil tyrants suddenly turned quiet. VERY quiet.
All I remember was Chemical Ali shaking his head saying “Those nuclear weapons deserve an entire Gulf War on their own, man.”
Chemical Ali’s camera flash went off.
I turned and saw Saddam quickly putting his trousers back on. I reviewed at my camera AND THEN I saw this.
OH. MY. FREAKIN’. GAWD.
I showed it to Saddam and we burst out laughing our tits off. It felt as if I just shot the cover of my first terrorist-training DVD – “Hairy Potter and the Half Naked Czar”
Chemical Ali walked away in disbelief.
Chemical Ali: “I’ve got only one thing to say about this, man… LET’S GO TAKE OVER THE WORLDDDDD! YEAAHHHHH!!!”
Miss Tourism Pageant 2005 VideoBlog
I finally managed to compile the video clips I took from the Miss Tourism Pageant 2005 preview show and made it into a videoblog. Its a little long – 30 minutes to be precise.
You would need a player capable of playing WMV files, eg. Windows Media Player. Do let me know if you run into any technical issues and I’ll look into it.
Highlights of the clip include:
– The opening dance.
– Miss Pakistan‘s excellent Bollywood dance “Sharara-Sharara”.
– Miss Singapore‘s “Rolling Dog” Aikido demo.
– Miss Malaysia‘s FULL 5-minute-long rendition of the song “Zombie”.
– The FULL cocktail dress parade.
– The crowning of Miss Damai.
I understand the file is a bit large, so I’ll split the file into small downloadable pieces later. Check back this evening if that’s what you prefer. 🙂
What are you waiting for?
Download Miss Tourism Pageant VideoBlog [128MB]: here. (down) or
here.
Complete Videoblog now available for download here.
Something Less Controversial
Today, I felt an itch on my right hand. I moved my left index finger over the itchy spot and scratched it. As a result, my right hand is not itchy anymore.
The Siarong Party Girl Controversy
WRONG PASSWORD ENTERED.
The rest of this entry was removed due to privacy issues. If you still like to read it please send me an e-mail.
This entry is not-safe-for-work, so make sure your boss, workmates, husband, wife, brothers, sisters, children and doggies are not around you before you continue reading.
I give absolutely NO permission to the press to produce anything in this entry.
If you want to talk about what behavious is right or wrong, don’t read. If you cannot appreciate tongue-in-cheek humour, don’t read. If your name is Ng Heng Ghee, don’t read… Go jump off a tree instead.
If I ever said I’m not a fan of Sarong Party Girl, I’m sorry. I take those words back. She’s found a new fan in me after the Singapore Bloggers Conference.
SPG (her account of the evening here) missed all the afternoon session of the conference and only turned up during the after party.
I spotted her red sarong party dress at the balcony on the second level with her male companion. I don’t know if she knows me, so I walked over there and introduced myself.
I’m glad I did. That girl just kept giving me surprises after surprises throughout the night.
Kenny: “Hi, I’m Kenny. :)”
SPG: “Heyyyyyyyy, you’re Kenny! You’re from Kuching right? Guess what? I’m from Kuching too!”
Kenny: “Whoa!”
Surprise #1: She recognised me.
Surprise #2: She’s from Kuching! Damn, I never read enough of her archives to realise that.
To be precise, she’s born in Singapore but her parents are from Kuching. But I don’t care, I want to claim her as one of our own. 🙂 Despite her being so controversial, I’m still proud that such a talented girl like her has roots from my hometown, ok?
SPG: “You know… I know exactly how you look like underneath those clothes.”
Kenny: “I know how you look like underneath those clothes too!”
Not bad for a conversation starter eh? How I wish I could say that to every girl I know. 😉
We were referring to the ‘nude blogger’ incident when SPG posted on her blog an artistic shot of herself in the nude. Next thing you know, the mainstream media went crazy posting biased sensational headlines about how ‘dirty’ she is.
I was amused why the newspaper made a big deal out of this when porno sites have been living on the Internet for ages. So I went ahead and post my own nude photo.
Sad to say, my picture wasn’t as well received.
Later that evening, in a room where many other bloggers were congregating…
Kenny: “Hey, can I take a photo with you?”
SPG: “Yah, sure!”
Kenny: (to mr brown) “brown, can you help us take a photo?”
mr brown: “Sure, man.”
SPG: “You know what would be really funny? I think we should do a photo with our tops off.”
Kenny: “!!!”
Kenny: *thinks* “I’ll do it. Are you gonna do it?”
SPG: “I’ll think about it, but only if you do it first.”
Kenny: “Okay.”
A piece of Sarawak’s lush rainforest in Singapore
I don’t know what happened next but the chatty room full off bloggers suddenly turned quiet. VERY quiet.
All I remember was mr brown shaking his head saying “This deserves an entire post on its own, man.”
*click* and the camera flash went off. I turned and saw SPG adjusting her straps. I looked back at my camera AND THEN I saw this.
That’s not ‘one big yawn’. Its ‘two big yonks’.
OH. MY. FREAKIN’. GAWD.
I showed it to SPG and we burst out laughing our tits off. I felt as if I just shot the cover of my first porno DVD – “Hairy Potter and the Half Naked Nymph”
mr brown walked away feeling disgusted.
mr brown: “I’ve got only one thing to say about this, man… KENNY, YOU GOT BIGGER BOOBS!”
He’s right.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
This entry was edited so much, the flow of words is just so mangled right now.
Suffice to say, I did expect ppl to go “OMG you are crazy!”. I didn’t expect ppl to go “You lost my respect, I’m so disappointed in you.”
I wrote it because it was a very unusual and out of the ordinary situation that occured. Its not something that happen everyday, and I think its worth noting.
Some ppl go to Thailand and take photos with ah guas. Some people go to sex expos and take photos with porn actresses.
The incriminating photo.
I took a photo with a professional fetish model, that’s all.
Sin-fully Sin-gapore
Just a quick filler update.
Singapore is crazy. Bloggers.SG conference is crazy. Singaporeans are crazy. I’m having so much fun here I want to take the merlion back to Kuching to keep as memorabilia.
The people from the Singapore’s Sunday Times didn’t enjoy the conference though. YOU SUCK! 😀
Too much to write, too much photos to post, but you’d have to wait until tomorrow. 🙂 Here’s what others have to say about the first ever Singaporean bloggers convention in the meantime (taken from tomorrow.sg).
– Tenebrous Is I
– Not Your Usual Shit
– grayareaz
– Shaun
– KingMeng’s Rants
– yaoguai
– Product-P
– Sheena’s Little Fragments of Time
– Bloggers.SG today….
– I Went To Bloggers.Sg 2005
– podeam
– Bloggers.SG 2005 Photos
– Bloggers.SG 2005 Coverage
– du5tzz
– PaT’s Toblerone
Miss Tourism Pageant 2005 Kuching Show
Just got back from the Kuching preview show of the Miss Tourism Pageant 2005 last night.
I didn’t even know this type of beauty pageant exist, until I caught the bunch of them having lunch at one of the hotel cafes. Miss Tourism is very similar to Miss World or Miss Universe, only less glitzy and particular emphasis is placed on the contestants tourism knowledge and background.
Photos here will not be in chronological order or in context.
The Kuching ‘Preview’ Show was held at the Crowne Plaza hotel ballroom. The tickets are expensive at RM300 per person and are difficult to get by. I’ve called the organizers a few times before but they’re unwilling to sell individual tickets as they’d rather sell by the table.
I was finally given a chance to buy the elusive RM300 ticket at the door on the actual event. Having gotten into a minor car accident earlier in the day, I was hesitant to part with my hard-earned cash. So I tried a trick.
I put on my best dress shirt and tailored pants, wore a (borrowed) huge ass digital SLR camera on my neck, and at the actual event I walked into the ballroom confidently as if I own the whole freakin’ place.
No these are not the contestants. Its a warm-up show. I reckon if the bellydancers at the Bloggers.SG conference are anything like this, the whole trip to Singapore would be worth it.
I walked past the reception. No response.
Walked past hotel security. No reaction.
Walked past the organizers. Nuh-uh.
I found my table (they made a mistake by revealing my table number before I even got my ticket), pulled a chair, sat and started eating the shark fin soup and butter prawns they served. Still no dramas. People look at me as if its very common for strangers to share a table like that.
Yes you heard it right. I got to dine at a 5-star hotel, rub shoulders with snobbish socialites, and meet with 30 other beauty queens, all for abso-fucking-lutely FREE. FREE. FREE.
Thank you, lax security guards!
The show opens with what the MC called a ‘thoughtful and inspiring’ speech by the Tourism Minister.
The minister’s speech can be summed up as follows:
1. We’re not here to see pretty girls, we’re here to promote world peace and harmony.
2. Tourism is important so all the government money spent on this beauty pageant is worth it.
3. I got to see all these pretty girls backstage before all of you do, and I took pictures with all of them too. So obviously my balls are bigger than yours. (I’m serious. He did say something to that effect.)
Anyone wanna bet his stupid speech is gonna make the headlines tomorrow?
Contestants appear in dazzling Sarawak cultural costumes. I like Miss Brazil. I wanted to ask her to show me her Brazilian wax.
Letting someone like me sneak into the Miss Tourism Pageant was the last of the organizer’s concerns. A number of contestants have withdrawn or miss the show completely.
Miss Venezuela looked fabulous in that pink empress outfit. I reckon she looks like UK singer Billie Piper.
Poor Miss Ethiopia for example, was quarantined at the KLIA because she can’t produce her medical certificate and the officials here fear that she may have yellow fever or something like that. I think she’s gonna be so traumatised that when she goes back, she’s gonna have yellow Asian fever.
Miss Pakistan doing the Bollywood dance.
Perhaps the most high-profile scandal was the one involving Miss Tibet. The Chinese government forced her to compete as Miss Tibet-China, but she refused and ended up withdrawing from the contest instead.
Miss USA looks like she has a dislocated her hip bones playing the hoola hoops. Don’t you think she bears an uncanny resemblance to Jessica Simpson?
Anyway, after the initial introduction of the contestants, a selected few were invited to perform their ‘special talents’ on stage. Most danced. Miss USA did it with the hoola hoops.
Miss Singapore was scheduled to do an Aikido martial arts demonstration. But when she stepped forth, she…
… rolled on the floor.
… and again, to the left.
… then again, to the right.
And before you know it, its all over.
I thought I came for a beauty contest, but I went to a dog-rolling contest by mistake.
Miss Malaysia easily had the best performance of the night. She sang a rendition of ‘In Your Head’ ‘Zombie’ by The Cranberries and her vocals was simply awesome.
I shall upload the videos tomorrow or something.
The evening wear parade was next on the list.
Miss China is damn skinny, but she got a nice albeit flat face though. I dig Miss Hong Kong’s outfit (2nd from left) and Miss Brazil (3rd from left) looks fantastic in just about anything.
Miss Slovakia on the other hand has a great body but a very ‘plastic’ face. I managed to snap a photo of her later in the hotel lobby.
WAH! Look like she just walked out of a Barbie Doll box.
This is that curvilicious Miss Belarus’ back. I reckon she has the best dress out of all the girls that night.
Miss Venezuela in her snake-print outfit. Miss Vietnam in the background. Why is it that all the beauty queens seem to hail from Venezuela?
I was looking forward to a swimsuit parade. Too bad with the conservative politicians in the audience I see a fat chance of that happening.
The next session of the show features the contestants in cocktail wear.
Miss Brazil looking fabulously neon pink. Check out Miss Belarus in that black dress! She looked like she jumped out of a watch ad or something. Those two are definitely my favourites alongside Miss Venezuela. Miss Cambodia in the background kinda pale in comparison.
Miss Romania looks like a total doll without Miss Slovakia’s plasticky feel. What a queen.
That’s Miss Russia by the door in the background. She’s another one of those with a good body, but her face something wrong one.
Miss Singapore Celest Foo definitely had the BEST evening wear of the night.
I spoke to Miss Singapore when I stalked bumped into the contestants during lunch a few days ago. That’s how I remember her name. Its quite clear to me that she’s not the most confident one of the group. She commented how intimidated she felt since the girls there are all so tall.
But Celest is very down-to-earth and I felt as if I was talking to my high school mate or something. There’s no pretentious “I’m better than you” air about it. I like her.
The subsidiary title of Miss Damai was to be given out that night, but before that we were rudely interrupted by an intermission program.
George Michael would be so proud of his sense of fashion.
Cheebye lah. Talk about from one extreme to the other.
The moment of truth. Who will win the crown of Miss Damai (whatever the hell that is)?
Make a wild guess?
Miss USA giving the look that says “Pick me! Pick me!”
btw, that’s Miss Tunisia standing on the far right. Not Miss Tiuniasing ok.
Congratulations Celest! 🙂 You totally deserve it.
Don’t go using your special Aikido talent and roll back to Singapore now.
Coincidentally I’m in Singapore right now, looking forward to attending the Blogger.SG conference tomorrow. Pop by DXO at the Esplanade if you’re in town alright.
This wraps up my account of the Kuching preview show. The Miss Tourism Pageant Grand Final will be held in Miri City on the 23rd July. I have my favourites – specifically Miss Brazil, Miss Belarus, Miss Romania and Miss Venezuela. I hope they win.
Bye bye…
Well, who do you think should win?
Guide To Writing Friendster Testimonials For People You Don’t Know
One of my pet peeves with Friendster is seeing people writing testimonials for people they don’t know.
I’m sure we’ve all seen testimonials like these before:
“HmmMMMmm… I dUnNo HeR 1 BuT shE ix berii cuTez aNd preTTyzzzzzzZZZZzzz…..!!! tHx f0R addinG mE tO yOuR FrenZ LiSt! StAy CutEz aNd PreTTy AlWiZZZZZzzzzz!”
Nabeh. You call that a testimonial?
Friendster limits people over 18 to join, but I swear my IQ dropped by half when browsing profiles of those 14 year olds, who cleverly pump their age up to 18 to fool the system. Some even more kiasu and put their age as 84 years old instead. Like talking to ah mah very appealing like that.
Does she look freakin’ 84 years old to you?
I think at the very least, testimonials should contain some substance about the person. They should describe the habits and traits of that person beyond what their profile pictures. Obviously that’s a little difficult considering the person who gives the testimonial and the person who receives it probably never even conversed at all.
So what I’ll do here is provide some hints on how to write good testimonials for people you’ve never met.
If you see them somewhere else, remember, you read it first at kennysia.com
1. Pretend Like They Are Your Long Lost Friend
“WENNY~~~~~!!!! So surprised to see you here on Friendster! ^_^ Haven’t heard from you since Form 3! I thought you went to Afghanistan liaw. But I chatted with Mr Laden on MSN last night and he said you were in London last week? What are you doing there? Keeep in touch ya???”
2. Give ’em A Trip Report
“T+00: read Wenny Sia’s profile.
T+02: surroundings become blur. v nice visuals.
T+03: getting warm in here.
T+05: everything’s so surreal.
T+07: my face is numb
T+10: feel like vomitting.
T+14: effects v strong now.
T+15: shit. cannot hold back. i’m nauseating
T+19: regurgitated on my keyboard. fuck.”
3. Treat ’em Like Weight Loss Products
“After looking at Wenny’s picture, my appetite disappears suddenly. I’m no longer hungry, and I stop having cravings. In fact, food isn’t all that interesting to me anymore. After 10 days, I lost 6kg of weight, 4% of bodyfat and 2 inches off my waist.
Thank you Wenny Sia!”
4. Rate ’em Like How Sammyboy Rates ‘Em
“Met her at L6H9.
looks: 4/10 (very average)
body: 5/10 (a bit fat. boobs hairy.)
CB: 6/10 (trimmed)
AR: din provide. din ask.
BJ: 1/10 (kena teeth a lot)
FJ: 8/10 (accomodating. tried many diff positions until CIM.)
Damage: $40
RTF: never in a lifetime”
Cannibalism In A Kuching Kopitiam
Take a look at this seemingly innocent picture.
Cannibals discussing recipes.
If you think this is just another one of those kopitiams you can find in Kuching, you couldn’t be more wrong.
Its true that Kuching is a city famous for its cheap and delicious kopitiam food. But I do wonder how many people would be willing to sample this latest addition to the menu.
Our Cantonese cooks are freshly imported from Hong Kong!
I heard that its very popular. Out of curiousity, I asked the ah moi there to show me how they prepare this yummy dish. She happily obliged and I was led to the kitchen at the back.
I wasn’t disappointed.
Best served with meatballs on the side.
Rainforest World Music Festival 2005
I heard of the Rainforest World Music Festival amidst all its media hype, but I never bothered much about it. That is, until every second friend I have pestered me with questions like “Ehh… are you going to rainforest?”
I thought they meant jungle trekking.
The music festival attracted a lot of hippies. Not sure why Sunsilk sponsored this event since hippies don’t usually wash their hair anyway.
The Rainforest World Music Festival is an event that brings together traditional cultural musicians from all over the world. It is held at the Sarawak Cultural Village, itself a living museum amid lush rainforest located some 30 minutes away from the hustle and bustle of Kuching city.
Cultural performances usually bore me to tears, but I was curious when I learnt that people were coming from Miri, KL and even overseas just to attend this cultural bullshit.
The beer ran out, so Joyce started to nibble on the can.
Joyce the Fairy, whom I met at the PPS Bash, was one of those who flew to Kuching to see me to join in on the fun. She was here on an unapproved business trip, taking photos of the event for the magazine she was working for.
I wanted to catch up with her ‘cos we’ve met too briefly in KL. Besides, I wanted to witness for myself her acclaimed alcohol drinking prowess.
The audience pretends to be interested.
The afternoon workshops at the RWMF weren’t particularly interesting. There were three classes running simultaneously at the different auditoriums around the village. Most of the time the musicians were trying in vain explaining aspects of their music. Too bad the audiences just wanted to hear music / don’t give two hoots about their instruments / don’t fooking understand what the hell they’re talking about.
Seriously, their accents are so bad they make characters in The Sims sound like English teachers.
Sarong Party Boy sighted in Kuching.
The Colombian musicians are slightly more entertaining. For some odd reason, they would get so excited hitting their drums, they would start stripping, jump around madly, chase all the girls, and justify it by calling it ‘the Colombian dance’.
Kinky Blue Fairy goes to work.
I find this Polish Celtic band called Shannon more suited to my musical taste. Its Irish music pumped up with drum and bass – think ‘Riverdance’. Its very unique. Check out the video clips I took here or here.
I really wanted to get their CD, but the frickin’ thing costs RM75. Heck, I don’t care how much I like their music, but to charge someone RM75 for a CD is blatant abuse, man. Just ‘cos Sarawak has lots of trees doesn’t mean our money grows on trees.
There’s a break between the afternoon shows and the evening’s major concert, so I joined Joyce and her mates by the beach to catch the sunset.
“ARGH! My face is stuck onto the camera! HELP!”
Joyce is such a social butterfly and a lot of people she hang around here are from the local media, arts and music scene. I swear she bumped into more people she knows than I did, and I’m supposed to be from Sara-bloody-wak dammit!
Joyce, Shal and Brandon. The innocent looking bottle on the sand was actually filled with Evil Joyce’s Malibu.
As soon as I was introduced to him, Brandon recognised me and asked “You’re that guy who blogs, right?”
Shal Sagan was a little quiet. She’s a talented singer/songwriter from Kuching who recently released her alternative rock debut album “A Special Note”. It should be available at Tower Records now, so go check her out if you’re into that genre of music.
Drunk people fooling around. I think they forgot the ‘woman’ was supposed to be the one ‘blowing’, not the other way round.
The Village turned into a rather dodgy place by the time we returned. There were lots drunk people loitering around, some even smoking weed joints out in the open. It definitely wasn’t a very family-friendly place, despite the fact that it was a government-organised cultural event and that children were allowed into the area.
The musical performances for the early part of the evening was fairly forgettable, but amazingly the crowd was HOT – both figuratively and literally speaking. It was a rare sight for a place like Kuching where major staged events were far and few in between.
The crowd bought the whole act and they were crazy throughout the night like it was some sort of rock concert or rave party (replace DJ with American folk music and you get the idea). The atmosphere was simply awesome.
Download crowd video here.
The Yelemba drummers from Ivory Coast at the end just stole the whole frickin’ show away. I’m still amused at how they can make the mad rush to the toilet seems so interesting.
Download Ivory Coast dummers’ video here.
I don’t know if that’s meant to be a tiger or a bumble bee.
By the time I parted with Joyce she had already consumed more than ten cans of drink, only two of those were non-alcoholic. Yet, that woman fairy was still sober. She must be right – fairies run on alcohol.
The show ended at around 12:30am. It was definitely an entertaining evening, but the rowdy and sometimes unruly crowd wasn’t what I expected. I wonder how many girls emerged that night ungroped and unscathed. Still, I appreciate the performers who dedicate their life and soul preserving and sharing their cultural music with us.
But hey, at the end of the day, people enjoyed themselves and if there’s a similar event next year you’d definitely see me there.
Other people writing about the RWMF:
– Joyce the Fairy [Kuala Lumpur] has tons of pictures.
– This So Called Life was amused.
– Arthur [Miri] gave it 10/10.
– Irene [Kuching] was disappointed.
– Michelle @ syntaxfree [Singapore] looks forward to next year’s.