Kenny Sia Replies To Furong Jiejie

Favourite Entries The Blog Culture 283 Comments

I hate disclaimers, but since people insist…
Disclaimer: This entry was initially written under the assumption that Furong Jiejie had a part in the writing those entries on her English blog that attacked XiaXue and insinuated that I sent her those photos. This entry was written in response to those actions.
There is no concrete proof to conclude either she has or doesn’t have a part in her English blog. There is a possibility her English blog is a work of an impersonator. Her original Chinese entries on Tsinghua and Beijing Universities’ BBS are still not available. From newspaper reports, it is clear that her new blog on BlogChina.com is NOTHING like her old entries on BBS.
I repeat, this entry was originally written under the assumption Furong Jiejie had a part in the writing those entries. An assumption valid at the time of writing.
kennysia.com is not responsible for ANY comments not made by him on his entries or on his tag-board.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
If you don’t know who Furong Jiejie is, apparently she is mainland China’s biggest internet celebrity. Biggest ego, that is.
20050803-1.gif
This delusional 28-year-old peasant from the Shaanxi province gained notoriety on the internet after posting so-called “provocative” photos of herself on Tsinghua and Beijing universities’ bulletin boards almost daily. Accompanying those vomit-inducing photos are descriptions like “To men, I am the sweetest flower. They love to drink my nectars.” *read in chinky PRC accent*.
Furong Jiejie claims she’s under 45kg. I think that’s probably just the skin on her face.

Nobody, not even sociology experts, can explain why she is so popular. At first glance I thought she’s somewhat of a lame joke. How could someone like HER turned into China’s most talked about internet persona? She is a little bit like me. Not only is her writing a piece of shit, her face is a piece of shit too.

Would you like to drink my nectars?

Yet, each day hundreds and thousands of people from the second largest internet-using nation in the world log on to those sites to see Furong Jiejie make a complete and utter fool out of herself. Rampant opium use in China the last millenia must have fucked up their brains worse than I thought.

Watch my picture and desire me in your mind-heart. How good I feel with you.I know you desire me.”

Furong Jiejie’s vanity and narcissistic streak earned her constant comparison to XiaXue. To me, the difference between them is just too obvious.
– XiaXue makes it clear she’s joking. Furong Jiejie shows no signs of that.
– XiaXue is at least sometimes funny. Furong Jiejie is just… sad.
– XiaXue looks above average. Furong Jiejie is an insult to the word ‘ugly’.
But make no mistake about it, Furong Jiejie IS indeed the most talked about Chinese blogger on the Internet.
I searched “Kenny Sia” on Google and I got 26,900 hits.
I searched “XiaXue” on Google and I got 87,800 hits.
I searched “芙蓉姐姐” (Furong Jiejie’s Chinese name) on Google.
685,000 freakin’ hits.

Camel Toe sighted in China

What’s more? Movie studios are seeking after her. The Chinese government wants to ban her. Fan/hate sites continue to mushroom all over the internet. Furong Jiejie’s ascension to fame is as staggering as it is mind-boggling.
Just last month, Furong Jiejie started her English ENGRISH blog site. It isn’t doing as well as her Chinese-language sites. Lately, she’s been seen trolling around the Singaporean blogosphere in an obvious loserish attempt to gain hits from outside China. She made her first move by challenging XiaXue on her blog.

XiaXue, of course, didn’t budge an inch. Why should she waste her precious blogging time on someone like her?
Then out of the sudden for some obscure reason, I came into the picture. Original link here.

THAT BITCH HAD THE AUDACITY TO CLAIM THAT I SENT TOPLESS PHOTOS OF XIAXUE TO HER!
I don’t even have topless photos of XiaXue lah! Even if I have, what makes you think I’ll simply send them out to you? Must pay money one you know?
GAN that Furong cheebye! THE NERVES!
So, I happily angrily clicked on the link because I wanna see XiaXue topless to see if what she said is true. To my absolute disappointment amusement, this picture popped up instead.

I laughed so hard my left coconut fell. That’s SarongPartyGirl, not XiaXue lah!
As soon as I saw that pic, two thoughts crossed my mind simultaneously.
1. Poor SarongPartyGirl. She can’t even drink a glass of milk properly without spilling it all over herself.
2. Poor Wendy Cheng. This is the SECOND TIME people mistaken SarongPartyGirl for her.

Remember THIS?

There’s only one clear thing coming out of that post: Furong Jiejie is riding on Xiaxue’s popularity like she wants me to ride her “like donkey in my brain”.
The worst thing is, Furong Jiejie wants ME to print out this picture and hang it over my bed tonight.

…
Excuse me while I vomit my dinner out.
Ugh.
I don’t know what to say.
Thank you Furong Jiejie for your “sexy picture”.
But I’d rather hang this picture over my bed tonight instead.

Continue reading →

Kuching Festival Fair 2005

Distinctively Kuching Event Coverage 91 Comments

The Kuching Festival Fair is a month-long food, trade and cultural fair held annually at the Dewan Masyarakat (Civic Hall).

The event has been going on 17 years now. I remember I used to attend the event as a kid together with my late grandmother. I vaguely recall the dimly lit footpath, the wide range of local food, the hustle and bustle of the crowd that’s so characteristic of the Festival.

But that was 10 years ago. For 8 of those years I’ve been attending the very boring and expensive Perth Royal Show instead, so when I heard about the Kuching Festival happening I dragged my saliva-soaked ass there as soon as I could.

“Can cut food. Can cut wood. Can cut brick. RM20 for one, buy two get one free. CHEAP!”

The fair at the Dewan Masyarakat comprised of a food fair, a trade fair and a forgettable garden show. There’s also a stage for performances, but those performances are more like visual and aural torture for me.

He’s so hungry he could eat a microphone.

They actually introduced this guy as Kuching’s Dong Li Huo Che aka Kuching Train Station. Hopeless!
The trade show is very typical. Blenders, cleaning agents, blenders, knives, blenders, CD repairer kits, blenders, blenders, more blenders… However, I did notice a few interesting items on display, such as the most kiasu hi-fi system in the whole world…

Don’t play play, Mercedes hi-fi system. Pay RM1,500 for this set and boom your neighbour away.

A model recruitment agency…

The competition between modelling agencies just got a whole lot… bigger.

Ah Lian fashion at its best…

Guess? What Guess? We have GUEES!

There’s a lot of stalls whoring credit cards, all offering free annual fee, free gifts, free entries to competitions and so on.

Sometimes you wonder how they actually make money off credit cards.

I signed up with all of them and bagged their free gifts just for fun. Let’s see how many credit cards I’ll have after 3 weeks.

If this guy sold peanuts in Singapore, he’d be a freakin’ BILLIONAIRE right now.

The main attraction of the event is obviously, the food. I wasn’t disappointed. By my estimation there’s probably about 200 food stalls and 1,000 different menu items, all at very reasonable prices.

“Help! My food is on fire!” – Man cooking oyster omelette (‘Orh Chien’)

Let’s take a tour and look at what’s on menu shall we?

This is salad yew-tiaw. Yew-tiaw is some sort of deep-fried bread that’s crispy on the outside and soft on the inside. This version here has sesame seed sprinkled on top and is served with mayonnaise. Its good, though its not the best.
The best one is right here.

Yew Tiaw also got king one.

Declaring themselves ‘king’ in front of 200 other stalls is a pretty bold move. They’d better be able back it up. And lucky for them, they did.
JUST TAKE A LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT THING.

HOLY MOLLY! Those yew tiaw are almost as big as my dickonosaurus! But mine is still bigger okay.

Kuching sio bee enjoying a sauna.

This is sio-bee in Hokkien or siew-mai in Cantonese. Its warm and savoury. Its not unlike the sio-bee you can find in dim sum restaurants all over the world. Personally I think those are a little too soggy for my liking.
I think Kuching’s sio-bee is still the best, and Kuching’s best sio-bee by de facto is at the Open Air Markets. People here watch them grow from a humble dirty little stall infested with rodents, into a successful franchise they are today selling sio-bee all over Kuching. For them, next stop, THE WORLD.

I thought this signboard is a little bit mean. How could they make it look as if the lamb is there enjoying a nice hot bath? So wrong.

Everybody loves coconuts.

I couldn’t resist photoshopping ‘Wong Lee Hom’ onto the menu.

More local favourites. Belacan Bee Hoon (or ‘Mehoom’ in that picture) is one of my favourite Kuching dish. Its rice vermicelli soaked in a Malaysian prawn-based soup and paste called ‘Belacan’. So smelly, yet so tasty.

Fancy some camel or ostrich burger?

To be honest, I don’t know how the hell they could come up with stuff like these. I don’t think anyone knows what camel or ostrich meat tastes like anyway, so even if they put bullshit in there can call it ostrich burger, people are still gonna eat it.

Before he was turned into food, Willy the Wealthy Chicken owned five nests, three barns and eight hens.

Wealthy chicken. Heh! This proves one thing correct. It doesn’t matter how much money you have – if you’re chicken, you’re dinner, baby.

Spiderman’s latest victims.

These are actually called ‘Emperor Dragon Whisker Sweet’. I swear it sounds a lot more elegant in Chinese (Long Xu Tang). They taste like soft Australian nougats, except there’s granules of peanuts in there. Sweet, sticky and delicious.

Malaysian satays. An eternal favourite worldwide.

Jeff Ooi‘s little birds went to Thailand and never came back.

This is fried ice-cream. I have no idea how they did it, but they managed to deep fry a scoop of ice-cream without making it melt. The result is an ice-cream with a warm outercrust and an icy cold inside. Only RM1.50. Its heavenly.
Too bad you cannot print it out and eat it.

This is a dish with a fun name called Chee Cheong Fun. Chee Cheong in Mandarin means ‘Go clubbing’. So this dish sounds like ‘Go clubbing very fun’. In reality its just some boring prawns wrapped by very thin steamed skins. Nothing fancy about it.

Barbequed sting rays at only RM25 per kilo. You choose the size and portion of the sting ray, they barbeque it, served on a piece of banana leaf over sambal and lime. It’ll turn out like this.

Its spicy and sour at the same time. I had this for dinner.

This is lok-lok. They’re basically fish balls and other stuff skewed on a satay stick. You can have them cooked in hot water or deep fried, then served with your choice of chilli, oyster, or satay sauce. Its yummy.
Please don’t lick your computer screen.

I spent less than RM20 that night and I had such a total feast I need to roll myself back to my own car. There’s so much food to try, its truly gonna take one whole month for me to fully sample each and every one of them.
Note to self: Postpone diet plan till end of August.
Alright I’m done. You may wipe your drool off your computer monitor now. 😉

Continue reading →

A Practical Joke Gone Wrong

Out of the Ordinary 121 Comments

Update #1: Curtis replied.
Update #2: ‘Su Ku Kia’ in my language means ‘Silly Boy’. Nothing malicious. Something 8-year-old kids would use to insult each other.
Curtis Gropp has been following my blog for quite some time now. He’s always faithfully leaving comments eventhough he’s one of those who falls outside the category of “kennysia.com‘s expected audience”.
I used to be naive enough to believe that the average kennysia.com reader is likely to from Malaysia, Chinese, and somewhere between 15 to 35 years old. But after learning that even my stupid blog was routinely mentioned in Harvard University’s Global Voices Online, I think I’ll believe in just about anything.
20050730-1.jpg
Curtis is nothing like my stereotypical kennysia.com reader. He is 39 years old, an ang moh, hails from Huntington Beach, California, a proud and patriotic American, a former marine, and apparently a Hong-Kong action movie aficionado.
A few weeks ago, Curtis left a comment in one my entries.

I’d like to have a Chinese name. How do you say “8-inch penis”?

Posted by: Curtis G. at June 9, 2005 12:54 AM

To which I replied:

Curtis G, hey I enjoy giving out Chinese names! Anyway in Chinese, “8-inch penis” is called “Su Ku Kia”. But I doubt you can pick up any Chinese girls when you go “Hi! My name is Su Ku Kia.” Chinese girls aren’t used to that kind of straight forwardness you know?

Posted by: Kenny at June 9, 2005 03:25 AM

Fast forward a few days later. I completely forgotten about what I said to him, and I was puzzled as to why he signed off differently nowadays.
20050730-2.gif
He even went as far as to use his newfound Chinese name to comment on other blogs.
20050730-3.gif

From ShaolinTiger.com

Oh dear. What have I done?
Should we tell him or should we just let him suffer in silence?

Bloggers.SG – Singapore Bloggers Convention 2005

Event Coverage 40 Comments

This is a much delayed recap of the Bloggers.SG Singapore Bloggers Convention that happened 2 weeks ago. Delayed because you-know-I-know-what-happened lah.

Tomorrow in the Sunday Times. Pun not intended.

Remember when I wrote about what I thought the bloggers convention would be like?
I have to say – I didn’t initally plan on attending the convention at all. My previous trip to Singapore before then was merely 3 weeks ago, and sadly my bank account experienced a severe drought after that trip. No money, can’t do anything.
That was, until the venerable mr brown dropped me an official invitation, compliments of SHINE, asking me to attend the convention on behalf of the Malaysian blogosphere. Jeff Ooi and minishorts were invited as well, but too bad they had to turn it down. Sucks, because they didn’t know what they missed out on.

So anyway, on Friday the 15th July, I flew from Kuching to Johor Bahru via AirAsia (saving some RM500 in the process) and took a ‘Smiling Bus’ down to Singapore. Meanwhile, I sent a message to mr brown asking him which Hotel 81 branch I was supposed to be staying at.
mr brown: “We’re putting you at the Swissotel at Stamford, man. Its near City Hall MRT and just next to Raffles City Shopping Centre.”
Kenny: “THE SWISSOTEL? You’re kidding right? Too generous, mb!”
mr brown: “No worries, man. Its peanuts to us.”

I asked for a hotel and they put me in heaven.

Can I just say, Swissotel is the bomb.

Let me say that again. Swissotel is THE BOMB.

Talk about getting a total VIP treatment. The room was spacious, the interior decor was tasteful done and the harbour view on the 43rd floor is simply spectacular.

Giant fly hiding underneath the surface of Singapore, waiting for the right time to lay the smack down on those puny humans.

There’s nothing like going to bed with the city’s night lights, and waking up to sunny Singapore skyline. Meanwhile, minishorts is in KL ,sacrificing her weekend, pulling her hair out, desperately trying to finish her projects.

When I opened to door to my balcony, I finally understood why SPG prefered hotels over HDBs.

My Friday night was spent catching up with chio bu Apple Lim at Orchard, and having a few rounds with Big Fuck, Postmaster General and the very beautiful Linda Chia at The Hideout.

Saturday. 16th July 2005.
The day of the convention.
I foolishly underestimated the time required to travel from City Hall to Woodlands and arrived at the Woodlands Regional Library 30 minutes late – completely missing out on XiaXue‘s presentation.
I tried to reason with her. But she obviously wasn’t too happy about it.

It was also there at the morning session that I finally came face to face with the great mighty Zeus himself.
The blogging workshop presented by XiaXue, mr brown and Preetam was aimed towards would-be bloggers who wished to know how to get one started, and also to parents and teachers who might not know much about the blogging phenomenon.

The atmosphere was a bit lecture-ish for my liking, but I reckon the presenters were all very professional and effective in getting the message across. Take into account mr brown was ill, and Wendy didn’t sleep till 4am in the morning. I prefer their style of presentation here compared to their afternoon session actually. The three of them certainly did a good job dispelling the myths and paranoia the elder generation have towards blogging. My only regret was that my anti-blog mom wasn’t there to listen to it.

When that’s over, its another 45 minutes from Woodlands all the way back to the Esplanade.
Our conversation in the car went something like this.
Wendy: I very tired leh. I slept at 4 in the morning.
Wendy: *yak yak yak…*
Wendy: Can I sleep in the car? I sleep the car hor.
Wendy: *yak yak yak yak yak yak yak…*
Wendy: Are we there yet?
Wendy: *yak yak yak…*
Wendy: So tired… wanna sleep…
Wendy: *yak yak yak yak yak…*
Kenny: Aren’t you supposed to be sleeping?

The DXO Nightclub was the perfect location for hosting the Bloggers.SG Convention. I shudder to think what it would be like if the organizers stuck to their original plan and held it at the library instead. I think the organizers wanted a casual and relaxed environment without it being too distracting for the panelists talking on the dancefloor, and DXO certainly did that for them.

I’m also very impressed by the level of security provided courtesy of the Singaporean Army. I think the Singaporean government must have understood how us bloggers were putting our lives at risk by congregating in such a concentrated venue. Hey, you never knew if some anti-blog lunatic was gonna turn up and threaten to blow us bloggers all into smithereens. With machinegun-toting army men surrounding our perimeter, I see little chance of that happening.

Upon arrival, I was introduced to the many other volunteers and organizers of the event, some I heard of, like Agagoogaa, Tinker Tailor; some I read, like Barffie. These are elves working hard behind-the-scenes ensuring the convention ran as smoothly as possible. I was pleasantly surprised by their enthusiasm and the dedication they put into this project, like its their baby. They absolutely do not want anything to go wrong with it.
Outside, a line was already forming.

2pm. Doors opened. Within moments the entire venue was buzzing with bloggers, blog readers, and media people alike. Before I knew it, there were camera flashes going everywhere, people saying “That’s Kenny!”, and a few even asked me for my autograph. There are people who told me which of my past entries they like best. The euphoria I experienced at that moment was indescribable. I’m just a normal Kuching boy, but I felt like a celebrity!

Thanks Owen.

It was still a little difficult to get used to. People were taking photos of me standing up, sitting down, scratching my balls doing nothing. Everything I do sure kena scrutinised one.

Its a press conference style set-up. Panelists talk on stage whilst an irc chat projected on the big screen was running in the background.

I must have done around 4-5 interviews that day alone. I had another opportunity to talk to Straits Times reporter Melissa Lwee, who I remember as the person who once called me on IDD, conducted an interview with me for one whole hour, then wrote only TWO sentences on me when the story finally came out.

Huh? What’s this… IBM PC thing you’re talking about?

mr brown hosted a large chunk of the afternoon talking about the Singaporean blogosphere in general and the little blogging communities were all given a chance to introduce themselves. I chipped in there and talked about how similar the make-up of the Malaysian and Singaporean blogospheres are, and finished my spiel plugging Project Petaling Street.

Kenny: “So, that’s all… any questions?”
Girl #1: *raise hand* “Will you marry me?”
Kenny: “…”
Girl #2: *raise hand* “Can you show us your Dickonosaurus?”
Kenny: “!!!”
Singaporean girls are very very friendly.

The technology and law portions of the talk unfortunately weren’t as engaging, but at least the ladies on the floor had fun watching Mr Miyagi and lawyer Tan Min Liang. By then, some of the audience had already gone to the back and mingle around with friends or play with remote-controlled tanks on the 2nd floor. Rest assured, they all rushed back when they heard the bellydancers are about to perform.

The Bloggers.SG Convention successfully drew to a close with a very impressive display of fireworks over the Singapore River, proudly sponsored by the Singaporean government. I think that’s to signify the “explosive impact” Singaporean bloggers have made within the country and around the world.

The evening was more of a casual chat and mingle session where the bloggers have a chance to bond over alcohol and get to know each other a little better. For me, I just enjoyed finally putting names to the faces.

With mr brown

Carrie and Adri are proof that life is unfair. If life is fair, these two sweet-looking girls wouldn’t be lesbians. Therefore, life is unfair.
[Edit: mb just informed me that Carrie is straight. Life is fair again.]
And if you haven’t yet realised, portions of this entry were fictionalised. I’m sure you’re smart enough to figure that out right?

With Carrie and Adrianna of popagandhi.com

For many many other photos, click here.
The Singaporean blogosphere ought to be congratulated for successfully holding their first ever Bloggers convention. I reckon they all did a wonderful job. I take my hats off to them, and they took their tops off for me.
Hope to be back soon, Singapore. Thanks for the mammaries!

Aunty Susan

Life Documentary 14 Comments


Thanks to the people who mailed me asking how to donate. Here’s how:
1. REGISTER as a sponsor.
2. PLEDGE your donation (in US dollars please).
3. Send your money DIRECT to the Hospice-At-Home Program via money order, cheque or teletransfer.
Anything else, let me know. 🙂

Bear with my short texty entry as I wasn’t planning to update today at all.
In case you haven’t noticed that big maroon ‘Blogathon’ button on the right, here’s the deal.
Myself, minishorts, Paul Tan, Peter Tan, Shaolin Tiger and Suanie are lazy arse morons.
See, we couldn’t be fooked peeling our butts off our chair to run in some bullshit marathon races and raise fund for charity. Besides, if we were to run, we’d probably fall so far behind the group, the organizers would’ve packed up and left by the time we crossed the finishing line.
That’s why we settled for something that does not require us executing our butt muscles – sitting on the computer chair, blogging. Our collaborative blog is located at BloggersAreMorons.com and we are participants of the 2005 Blogathon for charity.
You can help us out by registering to be our sponsor first, then click here to pledge your donation. All funds raised from our effort will go to the Hospice-At-Home program by the National Cancer Society, Penang. Then on 9pm, 6th August to 9pm, 7th August, log on to BloggerAreMorons.com and watch us talk cock for 24 hours straight. We’ll make sure both you and I have a good time baby.
Now you can truly say, bloggers have no life.

From my entry in BloggersAreMorons.com –


“You probably think that she’s doing all these because its her job.
NOT TRUE.
Aunty Susan was doing all these OUTSIDE her scope of work. Knowing my father’s condition, she would leave work at 6pm, come to my place at 8pm, leave at 9:30pm, then drive 1-hour out of Kuching to this town called Serian to care for another patient before returning home by 12 midnight and get herself a proper rest.”

Read the rest of my entry here.

Continue reading →

Red Ferrari Spotted in Kuching

Distinctively Kuching 59 Comments

I was walking past some shoplots this morning when I spotted this seeming innocent-looking car parked by the side.

On closer inspection, I realised this isn’t your average lau-ah-pek car you can find in Kuching.

Check out that famous black and yellow emblem on the front of the car.

Yes. The unmistakable signature of a true Scuderia Ferrari Italian sports car. I saw it right here, in Kuching, parked next to a kopitiam selling RM2 kolo mee.
I’m curious to know who the owner of the Ferrari is. After all, authentic sports cars are a rare sight in Kuching, let alone a true Ferrari sports car.
Lucky for me, I didn’t have to wait too long for the owner to return to his vehicle.

Look, its Michael Schumacher!

Apparently, Michael Schumacher is in Kuching on an official business. I had a short conversation with him and he said he was here to attend an exclusive car show. Funny I didn’t know about it, else I’d be there to blog about the event.
Michael then pulled a photo album out of his Ferrari to show me. They’re photos from the car show. I spotted a familiar face in there.

That’s my friend Apple Lim on the right, posing next to Michael Schumacher’s Ferrari.

Whoa! Such a coincidence, isn’t it?
Anyway, I don’t know how long Michael Schumacher is gonna be in Kuching, but I have a newfound respect for him after talking to him today. One thing for sure – next time I see that red Ferrari on the grand prix race course, I know who I’ll be cheering.

Go Schumacher, go!

Continue reading →

Finish Your Food

Engrish Thoughts & Musings 58 Comments


When I was younger, maybe about 4-5 years old, my superstitious grandmother had a hard time trying to get me to finish my food. She’d use all sorts of excuses trying to convince me to swallow every single leftover dish there is on the table.
Grandma: “Quick, finish your food. Don’t you know? Having leftover rice on your plate means next time your wife’s face will have lots of pimples.”
Kenny: “Really?”
Grandma: “Ya. If you leave one grain of rice, she’ll have one pimple. If you leave three grains of rice, she’ll have three pimples.”
Kenny: “Then if I don’t finish the whole plate of rice, her head would become like brocolli is it?”

Come to think of it, I’ve encountered a lot of these dinner-time Chinese superstitions.

– Do not leave the dinner table and wander around doing other things, else you’ll grow up to have a bad attention span.
– Do not stab chopsticks on your bowl of rice as if they’re joss sticks.
– Do not kneel whilst having dinner. I see kids sometimes doing this when they’re eating on the coffee table in front of the TV. To their elders, it means their kids are worshipping the TV, which unfortunately is quite true.
– Do not tap your plate deliberately with your utensils.
– Do not shake your legs while having dinner. It means all your good fortune will be shaken away.

I’m guilty of the last one. I’m born with legs are shaky like a polaroid picture. It’s very bad habit I’m still trying to shake off (no pun intended).
Anyway, I reckon I have pretty good fortune so that superstition must obviously be false. I never believe those superstitious bullshit. If my grandmother were to tell me that shaking your legs would make your legs go hairy, maybe I’d actually listen to her.

My mother is not as superstitious. She has her own way trying to get me to finish my food – by making me feel guilty.
“Finish your food, Kenny. Think of all the malnutritioned children in Bosnia / Nigeria / Ethiopia / [insert name of random poor African nation] who are starving right now if you don’t eat.”
It works everytime. My stomach may be exploding, but I’d still be forcing that last piece of chicken down my throat because dammit, I’m privileged to swallow that piece of chicken, OKAY?!
That probably explains why I’m such a chubby little boy today.
20050726-5.jpg
Its only when I grow older that I noticed what a flawed argument my mother had.
Look. Whether I eat that last piece of chicken or let it go to waste, what the hell does it have ANYTHING to do with starving kids in Africa? Why do they even come into the equation? Even if I don’t finish my food, its not like KFC is gonna ship that piece of unfinished chicken all the way to Africa, right?
THINK ABOUT IT!
20050726-6.jpg
If you’re already full, stop eating. Why suffer? Don’t feel too guilty about letting half-eaten food go to waste, because anything you swallow after the point of satiation is likely to be stored as fat anyway. (This principle does not apply to anorexic and underweight people btw.)
Which one would make you feel more guilty? Half-eaten food going to waste because you’re full, or an extra inch on your waist because you’re eating more calories than you need? Go to waste, or go to waist?
20050726-3.jpg

You think this is a normal RC car. You are so wrong.

If I really want to help those kids, I’d contribute to charity. Join TheHungerSite.com, donate to DoctorsWithoutBorders or something, which I did, and you should.
Why the heck should I let those malnutritioned kids come between me, my chicken, and my path to weight loss?
20050726-4.jpg

Its a malnutritioned car!

My mother’s strategy certainly worked on me. Instead of letting good food go the bin, I gorged. Even as my waistline expanded, I gluttonized myself as I ate whatever leftover food there is on the table because dammit… THOSE KIDS IN AFRICA ARE SUFFERING!
Absurdity to the max plus one, I tell you.
There you go. Another myth adults tell children debunked, thanks very much to kennysia.com. 🙂

Face No Evil

Re-discovering Myself 49 Comments

KennySia: i have this theory rite
KennySia: everytime i put up a photo of me with a girl, the number of kennysia haters will rise by 10%
KennySia: everytime i put up a photo of me with my hand around that girl, it’ll rise by 20%
KennySia: everytime i put up a photo of me with YOU, it’ll rise by 50%.
KennySia: everytime i put up a photo of me with a topless model, it’ll rise by 100%.
XiaXue: lol
XiaXue: how come mine so much
KennySia: Kenny Sia’s number of haters is directly proportional to how nice the girl and I look in that picture.

A new hater is born after viewing this pic.

XiaXue: people dun like popular people la
XiaXue: simple as that
KennySia: there’s this girl
KennySia: who used to like reading me.
XiaXue: then
KennySia: as soon as i come back from s’pore last time and posted my pics with u
KennySia: the hate comments start coming in
XiaXue: lol
KennySia: now she’s going around leaving anti-kenny messages
XiaXue: doesnt matter
XiaXue: i’m sure there are more people from my blog who ended up liking u, than people who were originally read ur blog now disliking u
KennySia: that’s true.
KennySia: kinda offsets it
XiaXue: people like her
XiaXue: are just flippant
XiaXue: why would u want readers like that
XiaXue: siao one
XiaXue: i also want
KennySia: u got lots eh
XiaXue: i got many messages last time
XiaXue: “i used to like xiaxue, but after she write about city harvest etc i don’t like her anymore”
XiaXue: the most ridiculous was S.H.E

XiaXue: hello?!
XiaXue: i didnt even write bad stuff about them
KennySia: ppl want u to agree with them
XiaXue: i only say that their clothes look like kotex wrappers
XiaXue: which they did
XiaXue: black and white polka dots
KennySia: some ppl are a tad bit sensitive
KennySia: when i wrote about Miss Slovakia’s face looking ‘plastic’
KennySia: she wrote back to me telling me she never had plastic surgery.
KennySia: kns
KennySia: and that kanina Steven Lim left a message on my tag board.
KennySia: asking me to promote him

There you go Steven Lim. You asked for it.

KennySia: wahahaha
XiaXue: yuck
XiaXue: why ur stupid face always got this benign grin one
XiaXue: like those priests kind
XiaXue: must always be caught with a kindly face

My kindly face. And Silly Celly.

KennySia: yaloh
XiaXue: U look like u are about to say
XiaXue: “I BESTOW UPON YOU!”
KennySia: “PRAISE THE LORD!”
XiaXue: “MY BLESSINGS!”
KennySia: hahahaa
KennySia: friend of mine said i have the tai ko (big brother) look.
KennySia: do i really look like someone who’s never gonna do evil stuff?
XiaXue: yes
KennySia: shit
XiaXue: thats why people oppose to u taking photo with spg
XiaXue: lol
XiaXue: if its bigfuck i’m totally fine

‘The Big Fuck’ Joel Tan

XiaXue: poor u
KennySia: yea i am so “blessed”
XiaXue: its not only ur face la
XiaXue: u are not a se (sinister) person
KennySia: thing is
KennySia: i am capable of doing sinister stuff once in a while
KennySia: but ppl dun expect me to do that ‘cos of my face.
KennySia: i look like someone who’s never gonna upset anyone
XiaXue: but u will have people saying u bhb (thick skin)
Now wait a minute. Have I missed something here?
Is there really such a notion that people who look one kind would do some things but not others? That’s stereotype isn’t it? I thought people have learnt a long time ago that looks can be deceiving.

Looks can be deceiving. The Thing, wanking… The Thing, wanking his thing.

“He doesn’t look like the type of guy who would do that kind of stuff.” I hear that a lot. Being born with a kindly face does have its benefits sometimes. I was rarely stopped by the police; I can walk through customs very easily; and people trust me with their babies.
As much as it can be flattering, a lot of times I feel restricted by people’s expectations, simply because of how I look.

“I can’t believe he’s the type who frequents nightclubs.”
“Wah you see he did this and that with this girl that girl so many girls.”
“OMG, he bared his top for the whole wide world to see!”

I can understand where people are coming from. If I look like Robbie Williams and I did what I did, people wouldn’t give two fucks about it at all. At best what I’ll probably hear is, “Ahhh… that’s just Kenny being Kenny, ya know? No big deal.”
The problem is, like Wendy said, I look like a frickin’ priest. And priests don’t pose intimately with girls. They pose intimately with boys.

Feeling dejected, I consulted FaceAnalyzer.com to see if its true that I look like a typical good guy.

Average Honour, average politeness, average sociability, low promiscuity (heh). All in all, I’m pretty much the average joe.
How about the ‘Big Fuck’?

Hail ye Japanese Emperor!

Get this, he’s very polite, doesn’t socialise as much, and VERY unpromiscuous (!). To top it all off, he’s smarter than me, more ambitious than me, and gets paid helluva lot more than I do. This, my friends, is coming from a guy who once posted a photo with his underwear on his head.

Tell me Wendy, who would you rather bring home to your mommy?

There you have it. Looks can be deceiving. I may look like a priest outside, but I’m really a naughty boy on the inside.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Proof that Ayah Pin – Malaysia’s most notorius playboy with ten wives – is innocent.
20050725-10.jpg

Continue reading →

Ghost Caught On Tape

Distinctively Kuching 127 Comments

A friend of mine who works as a security guard passed me the following CCTV footage, taken at the 4th mile area a few weeks ago. This is the second time it has happened.

Personally I don’t believe in paranormal activities. But neither do I have an explanation for the following phenomenon.

Click to watch the video (5 sec, 272 KB). I did absolutely no other alteration (other than watermarking) to the video clip. Don’t worry, its not one of those prank video designed to shock you out of your pants. 😉
Note the white figure following the tail of the motorbike for a split second before it disappeard.

I thought it was smoke, but it certainly doesn’t look like smoke to me. The best I could come up with is that the figure was a reflection of light of some sorts. I’ve checked the area in question, and there were NO reflective surfaces at all. So where did it come from?
Can someone tell me what the hell going on?

Continue reading →

Proudly powered by WordPress & Skyrocket Themes

MENU

Navigation