Marketing people sucks.
Every now and then these people sit in their comfy offices scratching their balls thinking of new ways to infiltrate their latest “marketing buzzwords” into our vernacular.
That’s not the sad part. The sad part is when these products become popular, every other marketing managers and their dogs begin coming up with similar product names hoping to cash in on their popularity. Problem is, a lot of these product names making little or no sense at all.
I can almost visualise their marketing departments’ thought process in Dilbert-style comics.
Here’s top 3 marketing monikers I find most annoying.
The -360° Suffix
Made famous by: Microsoft
Originally used to mean: A new revolution
Shameless abused by: Yahoo
Examples: Microsoft’s Xbox 360°; Yahoo’s Yahoo 360°.
Name you’ll never hear: MRT 360° – Going Right Back To Where You Started.
The Cyber- Prefix
Made famous by: Cybernetics
Originally used to mean: Through the use of a computer.
Shameless abused by: Cyberjaya – a white elephant trying too hard to be that futuristic world class “intelligent city” it initially set out to be.
Examples: Cyberspace, Cybercafe, Cybersex, Cybercrime, Cyberlaw.
Phrase you’ll never hear: “Kanina Chow Cyber!” – Cuss words coming out from the mouths of Multimedia University students when they failed a major assignment.
The i- Prefix
Made famous by: Apple
Originally used to denote: Connectivity to the Internet, replacing the ubiquitous “e-” prefix during the dotcom boom in the mid 90s.
Shameless abused by: Osim
Examples: Apple’s iPod, iMac, iBook; Osim’s iSymphonic, iDesire, iGallop.
Product you’ll never see: Osim iSuck – The New Vacuum Cleaner From Osim.
That’s just the beginning. I have a feeling that the world isn’t about to move away from the whole “lower-case single character prefix” craze anytime soon.
And it’s getting real iRRitating.
Sucky Sunday
So, how was your weekend?
Hope you had a good one ‘cos mine was spent on a hellacious 6-hour bus ride from Kuching to the ulu Saratok, which the bus OF ALL DAYS chose to break down on a hot 35 degree day, leaving us having to wait for FOUR hours until reinforcements arrived and drove us to our destination.
Disclaimer: This photo is here for illustration purposes only and may or may not be a true and accurate representation of a Saratokian cockroach.
I’m blogging from the comforts of my “hotel room” via GPRS right now. By “hotel”, I meant converted shophouse located above a local fastfood chain. Any by “room”, I meant ant-and-cockroach-infested pig sty. Nothing says I love you more than a Saratokian cockroach sharing the same bed with you.
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On a different note, I have to say I’m completely BLOWN AWAY by the amount of support I have received so far regarding the marathon.
Initially I was only expecting 2 corporate sponsors max, but I’ve ended up getting much more than that. Heh, I think I’ll go down in history as the most unqualified athlete ever to receive sponsorship deals.
I’ll definitely be donating part of the proceeds to charity. Maybe the National Society of Marathoners Who Passed Out Before Completing The Race. I heard they need help.
Heck, one guy even suggested betting on how many kilometres I could achieve before I pass out/give up. He offered RM100 for every km I reach, or I’d have to pay him RM100 for every km I could NOT finish. I didn’t accept the offer.
Thanks a million to everyone who offered words of encouragement. Sorry I won’t be accepting any personal donation as I have nothing to give in return.
As for the others, I’d reply all e-mails when I return to Kuching tonight yea?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Food for thought.
Kenny: I’d like to date girls who are carbon copies of myself.
naeboo:Eww… that’s BORING!
Is it better to date somebody similar to you, or someone whose differences complement you?
I Need Sponsors
I just signed up for the 42km KL International Marathon that’s gonna happen in two weeks time.
I hate forms that ask for redundant information. What’s the point?
The only reason I did it was because Eddie issued me a challenge, promising that he’ll bank in USD50 for me if I managed to complete the whole 42 kays.
Now you know I am not one to back down from a challenge, because MY NAME IS KENNY SIA AND I HAVE TESTICLES THE SIZE OF COCONUTS DAMMIT! 😉
I hesitated at first because I know endurance is not my forte. Strength-wise I’m fine, I just don’t have the stamina for a full-fledged marathon race.
Actually I DO have stamina, just not on my feet. Somewhere higher.
Regardless, I’m obviously not in it to win it – I just wanted to see if I have the perseverance to run the full 42 km.
Likely photo of Kenny Sia, post-marathon.
There is one problem though: I’ve calculated my expenses to KL, and all-in-all I have to pay about RM700 for travel and accomodation. That is NOT good for someone who’s been living with an expanding credit card debt for the past few months.
I’m looking for corporate sponsors to finance my trip to KL. As a once-off offer only, I’m selling 1-month image advertisement space on kennysia.com for just RM300 (that’s SGD130, or USD80). Not many media that can offer 13000 daily audience for that price, so long as you’re clear that you’re sponsoring Kenny Sia and not Michael Johnson, it’s a pretty good deal. E-mail me at im [at] kennysia.com for details.
Just submitted my application form and booked my AirAsia flight to KL on the 4th March. The competition is happening 5am on the 5th March and I’m probably gonna pass out from exhaustion in the hotel room immediately after the marathon [Sorry Lainey, no more La Bodega this time]. Hmmm… do you think AirAsia flights have room for stretchers?
Speaking of which, having the competition start at 5am is damn ridiculous. Bloody hell, 5am is NOT the time to run ok, it’s the time I go to SLEEP.
Heck, they ought to have a competition JUST to see if I can wake up before 5am.
Come to think of it, me taking up the marathon challenge is a really bad idea.
It’s bad because:
1. I’ve never participated in a marathon race ever before.
2. The only training I had was walking around KLCC for 3 hours carrying Nicole’s shopping bags.
3. All the other contestants look like this.
And I look like this.
But heck, I’ve signed up already.
I just hope I can still feel my legs after the race.
Easy Victim Of Consumerism
Over the weekend, I headed over to Rigi Team to have my haircut.
Old hair
I wanted to the a review of the salon like I always do, but Ah Kwang the boss refrained me from taking photos inside the salon. Too bad.
Anyway, the Kwangmeister was happily snipping my hair away when suddenly he made a remark that nearly choke the kolo mee outta me.
Kwang: You seem to be losing some hair in some areas.
Kenny: Whaddya mean I’m losing hair?
Kwang: Here, let me show you.
*brings along a mirror*
HOLY SHIT I AM LOSING HAIR!
This is not right. I’m turning botak at my age. Hey I thought I’m turning 24, NOT 42. Damn tulan. Why am I’m growing hair on my LEGS but not on my HEAD!?
Kenny: What should I do?
Kwang: Welllll… you can put on some hair tonic…
Kenny: So where do I get this “hair tonic” thing you speak of?
Kwang: Funny you should ask, ‘cos we happen to sell them right here!
Kenny: OK I BUY.
Bonacure Men Phytobiogin Tonic by Schw#$%^*arzkopf. RM45.
Kenny: So how do I use this thing?
Kwang: You just squeeze some onto the affected area and massage it in.
Kenny: During shampoo?
Kwang: After shampoo. Oh, speaking of which, you should get some of our shampoo. It will REALLY help with the hair growth.
Kenny: OK I BUY.
Bonacure Men Vitalising Shampoo by Schw#$%^*arzkopf. RM38.
I ended up spending RM83 more than I should at the salon.
Heh. Tell a man he’s losing his hair, and he’d do anything for you.
New hair
What Are Girls Supposed To Do On Valentine’s Day?
In Korea and Japan, 14th February is the time when sweet young nubile kawaii girls would personally hand make chocolates and give it to the guys they like.
The couples, obviously, go out and do the things normal couple do.
For unattached guys, this is the day they find out which girl (or girls) is having a crush on them. The popular guys would get tons of boxes, while the not-so-popular ones would have to buy chocolates for themselves so they don’t look like losers.
If the feeling is mutual, then a month later on the 14th March, the guys would buy white chocolates for the girls in return. They can start dating, and take the relationship on from then on if they want.
Things are different in Malaysia. Over here, 14th February is the day when stupid guys like us get suckered into buying OVERPRICED roses, OVERPRICED soft toys and OVERPRICED chocolates from some opportunistic money-minded vampires to give to the girls who’d just sit there acting like a rich TaiTai wanting to be pampered like a spoilt princess.
Why? Because we want to me her feel SPECIAL. Because we know that if she sees all her pretty girl friends getting all these fancy chocolates and cards and roses and teddy bears, while she gets nothing more than a “Oi, when are you gonna come back and cook dinner”, you BET she’s gonna wither away and melt in a green pool of jealousy.
What do the guys get in return?
NOTHING. NADA. ZILCH.
There’s absolutely NO requirements in Valentine’s Day tradition for the girls here, single or not, to do ANYTHING for the guys at all. Tell me, what’s a girl supposed to do for a guy on Valentine’s Day?
More importantly, what CAN girls here do for their guys on Valentine’s Day? Brush his teeth?
Heck, the girls here probably don’t even know how to make chocolates at all. They just expect you to buy them stuff, stuff, and MORE stuff. Too spoilt. It’s the same story EVERY Valentine’s Day. Men are always on the losing end.
WHERE’S OUR SWEET YOUNG NUBILE KAWAII JAPANESE GIRLS?!
WHERE’S OUR GODDAMN HANDMADE CHOCOLATES?!
WHERE?!?!?
One month later all our hard work, money and meticulous preparation will conveniently be forgotten because hell, she just had this tsunami-sized bitch fit with you! And it probably stemmed from something sooooooo small, such as us playing too much computer games and not paying her enough attention.
BAH! Hate feeling unappreciated!
It’s sad. I'm almost about to join my brudders in protest and take the first flight out to Japan. It’s too much hard work being a man celebrating Valentine’s Day in this increasingly kiasu society where sincerity is no match for money.
But you know what? Despite how expensive things are, all the bitching and all the whinging, we guys still give in to it.
Yea, guys are suckers like that.
It doesn’t matter how we’re treated, we’d still buy the most expensive roses, the biggest soft toys and sweetest chocolates in the world, just to be able to share THAT MOMENT looking into each others’ eyes and smile. And when that happens, it’s as if our world is finally, finally complete.
Man, this love thing is evil.
Zen Overkill
There seems to be an unmistakable trend in the Kuching dining scene lately.
Jalan Padungan used to be the home of dirty motels and old-fashioned shops selling fruits and vegies. The past few years saw many hip n chic pubs and cafes setting up their bases here, slowly but surely transforming the once nostalgic street into Kuching’s own Bangsar or Clarke Quay.
And I love it. At least now there’s LESS reason for people to complain how boring Kuching is. (Damn you people. YOU HAPPY NOW?)
Magenta, Jalan Nanas
If there’s anything these these new cafes have in common, it’s definitely the over-usage of this “new age Zen” theme in their designs. Must be the overpopularity of Bing, which prompted so many copycat cafes wanting to emulate it’s success.
The latest “culprit” in this game of Zhng My Restaurant is Tao.
Tao is the new “Lifestyle Cafe and Gallery” along Jalan Padungan, and is brought to you by the same owner and designer as my favourite coffee house Bing.
Btw, Tao means “Dao4” in Mandarin. Not “Head” in Hokkien hor.
Havin’ a drink
Food and coffee here is absolutely fantastic. I just don’t know what to make of the ambience.
It’s like whichever direction I look to, there’s a blardy image of Buddha…
EVERY
SINGLE
FREAKIN’
WHERE!
All these Buddha paintings and statues is scaring me a little. I had to look up at the ceiling because I figured hey, they can’t possibly hang a statue of Buddha over my head right?
Guess what I saw?
FRIGGIN COILS OF JOSS STICKS! ARGHHH!!!
Nabeh, want to drink one cup of coffee also have to like bai Tua Peh Kong liddat.
A Nation of Morons
I have a lot to say about the recent furore over the Prophet Mohammed cartoons which were published in a Danish paper and reprinted worldwide.
I have a lot MORE to say after the Sarawak Tribune, a major local newspaper had its license indefinitely suspended by the government for doing its job by reporting balanced, factual news.
I wrote an entry defending both sides, but I changed my mind and with a click of a button, deleted the said entry and banished my thoughts into the oblivion of my desktop Recycle Bin.
Yep. I decided that I’m not going to say anything about this issue at all.
See, I’ve learnt that by talking about anything remotely related to cultural and religious practices here isn’t gonna help achieve anything but bringing me threats, personal attacks and ISA detentions. And so, I censor myself and shut up. Because hey, it doesn’t matter what I think. What matters is what the big boys in Putrajaya and Bukit Aman think right?
It’s wonderful living in this country. You don’t need to have an opinion, you don’t need to think, you don’t need to speak. You just sit on your damn asses and follow the masses.
Like sheep we are.
I always find it ironic that I a lot more Malay friends and learnt so much about Islamic culture living in Australia than I ever did in my 15 years in Malaysia. I could misinterpreted Muslim customs from time and time, and they’re always nice enough to explain to me without the personal attacks.
We communicate, we compromise, we correct each other. From there, we learn.
You know what’s wrong with this country?
We’re ignorant. We don’t know each other well enough.
Some of us are NOT sensitive enough. Others are TOO sensitive to the point where even the slightest misunderstanding is an opportunity for them to cause an uproar, wreak havoc, and force the victim into career suicide.
If you say something that inadvertently offended a group of people because you’re not careful, EVEN IF THE INTENTION TO CAUSE HARM AND MALICE IS NOT THERE, you’ll be shamed, locked up in jail or violently put away.
That’s the problem with this country. We’re too sensitive, too easily offended, too vindictive. We hardly look at things in context because we’re engrossed in teaching other people a lesson. There’s NO exchange of ideas, NO chance to learn, NO opportunity for compromise. Sometimes you don’t even know what hit you.
You have a mouth, but you can’t speak. The only time you can speak, is when people want you to duck their sicks. If you want to use your mouth for purposes other than ducking sicks, shut up.
We shut up because we don’t wanna offend. We don’t talk about these issues because it’s “sensitive”. And because we don’t communicate, we don’t know. And because we don’t know, over time we become even MORE stupid. This in turn make us even MORE afraid to communicate, which makes us even MORE stupid.
It’s a vicious cycle that’s gonna continue, until the day we become a nation of morons.
Girls I’d Date Based On Their Online Personalities
It’s love season again!
About a year ago, Finicky Feline wrote an amusing entry listing the guys she’d hypothetically date based on their online personalities. I thought it was pretty cute (partially because I was on it. hehe)
It’s always been very difficult and time-consuming to know someone new online. You spend a lot of time chatting and e-mailing to find out about that person. With blogs these days, things are sped up a lil bit. You can usually get a pretty good idea what a person is like from their blog before you even meet up with him/her.
In the lead up to Valentine’s Day, I thought I’d put up a list of chicks I’d date solely based on their online personalities. Looks sorta count. Habits and real life personas don’t. I’m judging them based only on how they present themselves online and nothing more.
Oh, and I better emphasise that we’re only talking about a HYPOTHETICAL situation here. 😉 I’m absolutely not trying to go after any of them. So to the boyfriends of the girls below, you can put away your sticks and parangs now. Don’t bash me up hor.
Girls I’d date, in no particular order.
Linda Chia
This girl is all class from head to toe, but Linda is more than just a pretty face.
I’ve seen so many guys mistook her for an idiotic slut, and then I watch them get shredded to smithereens by dear Linda without her even breaking a sweat. It shows that she’s tough and independent enough to defend herselves, and all the small obstacles in life mean shit to her. Too many girls are bitching and whining about every damn thing from boyfriends to Hello Kitties these days, Kick-ass chicks like Linda Chia is rare gem. Low maintenance also. Nice.
Finicky Feline
She has it all. The brains, the wit, a stable career in engineering. I read about how she tried quitting smoking, how she’s picking up Mandarin, how she dealt with breakups. Unlike many others, this girl is not vain, not narcissistic and definitely not a bimbo. In fact, FF has already achieved and experienced much more than anyone her age could imagine. She is just full of inspiration and determination, and I reckon she should be the role model for all young emo girls out there.
What I like is that she writes really well and puts up awfully truthful entries on boys, girls, and boy-girl relationships. Although she can be a lil intimidating at first, the moment of truth came when I rang her up during my last trip to Singapore. She was already fast asleep so when she picked up the phone, all I could hear was the most erotic bedroom voice on the other end.
“Heelllloooo?”
For a while there I thought I was calling 1900-GirlsChat.
Nabeh, she just put up a post saying she won’t date Saggitarians! 🙁
FireAngel
The real question is, who doesn’t want to date her? FireAngel is sassy, she’s pretty, and she’s absolutely downright hilarious. I like that. If you’re not convinced, check out her homemade video here (not the one like Paris Hilton lah, you dirty-minded bastards!)
FireAngelism is not just a blog. It’s an attitude. No no no, it’s a RELIGION. And I’m a follower. So don’t even think of putting up stupid cartoons of her or I’ll burn down your blog.
There’s actually a lot more lah, but I’ll just put up these three ‘cos this is getting long and it’s getting late.
But I think it’s pretty clear the type of girls that I like, right? I like the smart, informed, witty and intelligent ones, independent and strong on their own, yet not afraid to kick some serious ass when the situation calls for it (as long as it’s not my ass).
Think Angelina Jolie in Tuan dan Puan Smith.
Those are really sexy qualities in a lady, and I think those girls have it and more.
Is there someone online, blogger or not, that you don’t mind dating if the circumstances are right? Perhaps now is the time to brighten up someone’s day and let that person know. 🙂
Workout
naeboo: u work on sat or not
Kenny: i work till 12:30
Kenny: then i work out
naeboo: u work out so much for what
naeboo: see no results also
naeboo: dont waste time la
naeboo: juz sleep la
Kenny: i just started lah doink
Kenny: you think everyone has your metabolism!
naeboo: i think of this already when u say u workout
Kenny: YOU ASS
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Yes I saw the unKenny resemblence too.
Because Good Girls Like Bad Boys
Met up with naeboo and her younger brother when they came to town this long holidays.
naeboo = angel trapped inside a devil’s body
naeboo’s brother Kaiser is 17 years old, just finished his SPM exams, has a good-looking boyish face cute enough for me to wanna wither away and melt in a sticky green pool of jealousy.
Anyway, Kaiser got a girlfriend a few months ago. And naeboo was telling me how when she found out, in the back of her mind she’s already planning to sit down and have a nice discussion with him on boy-girl relationships – as all good sisters do.
Little did she know, her baby brother is already an expert in relationships. So expert in fact, that he sports not just one, but TWO GIRLFRIENDS!
kennynaeboochowcowboy! That two-timing bastard!
How the hell does a 17-year-old boy do that?
“Leng zhai mah”, he answered. Ta ma de.
Everytime I hear stories of men who have more than one girlfriends, I get the feeling of repugnance and disgust and envy. But mostly envy.
Yes, envy. Who wouldn’t be envious of guys who can have one girl in each arm? After all, one hole is good, but two holes are better than one.
Six holes lagi best
It’s tough enough handling one woman myself. Let alone two.
“So which one are you going to spend time with this Valentine’s?” I casually asked him.
“Don’t care lah, I just stay at home. Just find an excuse and tell them I don’t have car to bring them out enough liaw”
GOOD. I LIKE.
Guess that means he won’t be eating this opportnistic money-grabbing pizza creation
But I’m still not convinced. “How about gifts? There’s Valentine’s Days, Birthdays, Christmas Days and Anniversaries to take care of. And girls are so materialistic these days. One girlfriend is enough to break my bank. How the heck are you able to afford all those gifts for TWO girlfriends?”
Kaiser opened his eyes big big and screamed “YOU STUPID LAH!”, like I’m the foulest disgrace to all of human race.
“You buy them gifts for WHAT?! Spoil them nia. You buy for them once and they’ll always be expecting you to spend on them instead. Don’t buy for them lah, let them buy for you instead! Like me.” he said, pulling out his brand spanking new leather wallet, obviously a gift.
Kaiser said it so matter-of-factly like I was asking him if the Earth is round.
OMG I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M BEING LECTURED TO BY A SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD!
(Halfway through our conversation, Kaiser’s mobile phone beeped and a message from one of his girlfriends came through. It says “saranghae”. SARANGHAE! What the fart!? KOREAN AH!?!?!??)
It’s true, you know. Acting gentlemanly used to be such an appreciated and noble act in the past. Alas, times have changed. Girls these days are too pampered and spoilt beyond recognition. Nothing else seems to satisfy their increasing apetite anymore.
All these while I’ve been thinking driving girls around, spending all my free time with them and paying for their dinner is the mark of a true gentleman. Bollocks. Put a woman on an island with a hopeless romantic and scruffy rocker, she’ll end up with the scruffy rocker, even if he’s only capable of saying few sweet words and cares for nothing more than himself.
That’s not to say hopeless romantics won’t get the girl. They will – only those stupid brainless giggly girls who say “yes” to everything lah. The hotter ones tend up end up with guys who have gentlemen qualities of a dead tree branch.
Nowadays, it seems as if the more attention we pay on girls, the more they think it is their god-given right to have that. You give her silver, she asks for gold; you give her gold, she asks for platinum; you give her platinum, she asks for DOUBLE platinum.
It’s a vicious never-ending cycle, and us men are always on the losing end.
If we pay less attention to them, they’ll work harder to get on our good side. So come on now, my brothers! We don’t HAVE TO let our women walk all over us! After all, they’re the ones who said “nan reng bu huai, nu ren bu ai” (men who aren’t bad, girls will not like). See? They asked for it!
If being gentlemenly means we’ll continue to be unappreciated, man I say forget about it. I’m gonna go become a bad boy now. 🙂