Which of the following men do you think has the biggest pair of testicles?

Is it A) Deepak Gill, from KL, alcohol blogger at thirstyblogger.my

B) KY Teoh, from Penang, food blogger at kyspeaks.com

Or C) Kenny Gonzales, from El Kuching, Mexico.

We heard Frontera Bar & Grill at Jaya One in PJ has the hottest chilli buffalo wings in the whole of Malaysia. So one Sunday evening, with nothing else better to do, the three of us decided to hop over to taste for ourselves just how hot these babies are.

Frontera prides itself in serving authentic Tex-Mex food. It’s as authentic as you can get since the owner Larry is a Texan himself and he imports all the crucial ingredients for his menu directly from the States.

Our original intention is to jump straight into the Chilli Buffalo Wings challenge as soon as we arrived at the restaurant. And the challenge is this:

Three men. One plate of the hottest spiciest buffalo wings in Malaysia. NO WATER.

Whoever reaches for the water is out. Last man standing wins.

Thankfully, sensibility prevails and we decided to taste some of the good food here first before sending our tastebuds to Hell (and possibly never getting them back.)

Based on the owner’s recommendation, we got a few of the must-try items at Frontera on our table.

To start with: some lubricant.

A bottle of the finest pure tequila, direct from Mexico.

I’m not a big tequila drinker, so I cannot tell the difference between good tequila, bad tequila and Tila Tequila.

But according to the almighty ThirstyBlogger, this is good stuff, because it is made from 100% native Mexican plant of agave. Cheap tequilas sold elsewhere are mostly mixed with other crap, like the bartender’s piss, which is why they normally serve it with lime and salt to mask the taste.

Indeed, we don’t need lime or salt when we drink pure agave tequila. It is extremely smooth and easy to drink. And with our throats well-lubricated, it’s time to eat.

For appetizers, it’s Frontera’s Nachos – baked tortilla chips, melted cheese and a slice of jalapeno on top. Dip it with the sour cream in the middle, and I’m in heaven.

No doubt this is my favourite dish. So well-presented and tastes so good. Definitely worth coming back for more.

Next up, Chilli Cheese Burger.

Now I know it may not look like much from the photo, but this ain’t your roadside Ramlee burgers. This burger comes with one large beef patty with so much cheese and chilli con carne that as soon as you puts in your mouth, it ejaculates juices of satisfaction.

We tried other items on the menu like the burritos, the taquitos, the enchiladas and the chimichagas, Maybe because I was already too damn full eating all the nachos earlier, but I was unable to appreciate any more Mexican in me. Must return to try next time with an empty stomach.

Now, onto the Chilli Buffalo Wings challenge between myself, Deepak and KY.

Normally when you order spicy chicken from say, Nando’s, they give you the option of Mild, Hot or Super Hot. Over at Frontera, there is one more option: KILLER.

So I took a bite. KY took a bite. Deepak took a bite.

30 seconds passed. Nothing happened. I was laughing.

I thought to myself, this is too ea… hang-on-a-minute.

FUUCCKKKKK!!!

IT. WAS. FREAKIN. HOTTTTTT!!!!!!!

I got tears flowing out of my eyes, snot coming out of my nose, water out of my mouth and every other body orifices. It was intense. For the next few minutes, it was like someone napalm bombed my entire face. It was like Hiroshima and Nagasaki all over again inside my mouth.

As I conceded defeat by extinguishing my throat with a glass of ice cold water, I lo
oked up to see how my other two competitors were doing.

Surprisingly, Deep and KY were holding on fine. Determined to prove their testicular fortitude, neither of them conceded defeat. I don’t know how they did it because I was already half dead. Maybe their tongues had already been burnt to oblivion. Props to them both for surviving the hottest chilli wings in Malaysia without drinking a drip of water.

We decided it was no fun if we leave Frontera without determining a clear winner after that round, so we asked the waiter if there’s anything hotter than what we just had.

There is.

Behold, the Mexican habanero chilli.

It’s one of the hottest chilli species in the world. So hot, it makes the Malaysian chilli padi tastes like Mentos candy in comparison.

If there’s one thing that can set men apart from boys, this is it.

This devil is so terrifyingly hot, even the owner Larry needed much coaxing and convincing before he dared to down his own spice.

There was much hesitation initially. However, boys being boys, the need to prove our manhood overtook our common senses. Before long, each of us were taunting one another, “BE A MAN. DO THE RIGHT THING!”

We cut one habanero chilli into four slices, and four of us idiots downed them all at the same time.

In the words of Arnold, hasta la vista, baby.

This time, not even the best among us can stand the heat.

No words are necessary. Deepak’s face said it all.

“Holy shit muthafuc…!!!”

KY looked like he was giving birth.

If he did, I wouldn’t be surprised if a baby chilli came out of his ass. It was THAT bad.

I tried the bloody thing, and lemme tell ya, it was extreme excruciating pain.

My face was numb. I was dripping sweat all over and quickly losing all senses. Everything around me was a blur. I barely remembered walking round and round the restaurant wondering if I could make it back to ~~Kuching~~ Mexico alive.

For the next three minutes, we were squirming, moaning, swearing and breathing heavily. Other customers at the restaurant could’ve easily mistaken us for having a four-men gay orgy.

Everything was getting real ugly real fast.

I saw Larry drank water. Immediately, I gave up and gulped down another glass of water for myself.

KY hadn’t had a drink yet but he wasn’t looking too good either. A few minutes later, we saw him hurling his stomach contents into the sink. I couldn’t hold it myself and promptly followed suit.

The Frontera staff has to don them rubber gloves to clear our mess up.

With myself, Larry and KY literally going down in flames, there was only one last man standing.

Deepak Gill. He da man!

It was a night of chaos and madness. But like any good story, ours didn’t stop there.

Because each of us held the slices of habanero chilli with our fingers earlier, everything we touched after that stung and hurt like a bitch. It was almost like a perverse version of the Midas touch. Instead of turning into gold, everything we touched BURNS.

I rubbed my eyes with my hand, it burns.

I wiped the sweat off my face, it burns.

And then I made a mistake in the toilet when I took my manhood out with my hand to pee. Yes, IT FREAKING BURNS.

The worst part was yet to come.

Next morning as I sat in the loo emptying last night’s dinner out my ass, guess what?

Last night’s habanero’s chili, I was tasting it from my a-hole.

For once in my life, I can proudly say – Yes, I have a burning hot ass!

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kennysia.com Female Interest Level Scorecard

31 July 2009

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Understanding Women 134 Comments

I have been out of the dating scene for so long.

I think I must have totally forgotten how to go after chicks. 🙁

Come to think of it, the last time I seriously went after somebody was eight years ago. Even then I wasn’t very good at it, but at least I reckon I got a good grasp whether a girl likes me or not.

Now that I find myself back in the scene, suddenly I find myself so clueless and confused when it comes to girls.

Like an old hunter who has not picked up his rifle since his retirement, my hunting skills are so terribly rusty that I can’t shoot straight if my target is standing still staring back at me.

This whole dating business is too difficult and confusing for me. The hardest part is always the guessing games that two people play.

As men, many times we do not know whether or not the girl actually likes us back, or just merely treating us as good friends. Even if a girl likes us, she is not gonna tell you outright.

This ain’t Japan where girls give chocolates to guys they like on Valentine’s Day.

I am still a bit old-fashion in that I believe as gentlemen, we should always be the ones making the first move. At the same time, I also believe that we shouldn’t embarrass ourselves by violating her comfort zone, unless we are absolutely certain that the feeling is mutual.

We don’t wanna come across too desperate if she’s only treating us as friends ‘cos that might actually scare her off! Not only that, for the next few weeks, us guys will end up becoming gossip material between her and her girlfriends. That’s gonna ruin all chances we have.

And it’s a sure fire way to fall from Single and Eligible category, to the Single And Desperate (SAD) category.

So it all goes back to square one, how can we be certain that a girl likes us or not? We wanna go all the way, but we dunno what level of intimacy she is comfortable with. And if a girl don’t say it, how would we know?

Two words: Body Language.

Let me paint the scenario here.

Boy likes Girl. Boy asks Girl out. Boy goes out with Girl.

That’s when the guessing game begins.

As soon as the date begins, I start observing her body language.

Girls give very subtle hints to tell that they like a guy more than just friends. Our job is to guess. Hopefully we can impress her enough that at the very least, she grants us a kiss, on the lips, before the night is over.

What I do is that I carry around an invisible Female Interest Level Scorecard. For the benefit of single guys reading kennysia.com right now, I decided to publish it here.

Add points if things go our way. Subtract points if she thinks of me as just a friend.

Add points if:

She hugs you. +5 points
She hugs you so tight it almost suffocates. +10 points
Laughs at your jokes. +5 points
Eyes locked onto yours when she’s talking to you. +10 points
Leans forward across the table when talking to you. +15 points
(Unless your voice damn soft lah, then it’s a false positive and –20 points)
Holds onto your shirt when going through crowded areas. +5 points
Holds onto your arm when going through crowded areas. +10 points
Holds onto your hand when going through crowded areas! +15 points
(that’s why we bring girls go clubbing. It’s a test, you see.)
Gaze at you intently when you’re not looking. +10 points
Before saying goodbye, she pauses as if waiting for something. +15 points!

But!

Subtract points if:

She does all the stuff above with her normal friends anyway. –5 points
She does the above stuff, but only when she’s drunk. –10 points
Instead of hugging you, she shakes your hands. –20 points
Laughs at your jokes, but very painfully and forcefully. –10 points
Looks around the room impatiently when talking to you. –25 points
When she talks to you, the only topic of conversation is about her ex. –30 points
When she talks to you, the topic is about her current bf. –99 points!

By the end of the night, total it up, and see whether or not you pass or fail.

If you score:
0 to 20 points, can hug her goodbye. Hug with one arm only. You are a friend only.
20 to 40 points, can hug her goodbye with both arms. Still friends.
40 to 60 points, can kiss her lah, but on the cheek. Don’t greedy!
60 to 80 points, you da man. Move in for lip lock. You got her!
80 to 100 points, according to the game The Sims, this is what they call “Woo Hoo!”

I scored NEGATIVE 109 p
oints.

FML.

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ADV: Purchases From Japan Of A Lonely Man

27 July 2009

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Reviews 100 Comments

The Land of the Rising Sun is also the Land of the Weird and Wonderful.

For years, Japan has isolated itself from the rest of the world. So much so that a lot of weirdness that goes on within the country were never discovered anywhere elsewhere.

I’m not talking just electronically-controlled toilet seats that automatically spurts out water to clean your butt crack, along with 5 different settings for water strength and 12 different settings for temperature when you press a button.

No.

Shopping in Japan is interesting because they sell all kinds of crap.

Literally, all kinds of crap.

During my recent trip to Tokyo, I was in the anime central of Akihabara and discovered that a lot of items so weird, it made me go, “Wah! Liddat oso can?”

You gotta seriously wonder what decent human being would buy stuff like the Infinite Bubble Wrap. (¥798 or RM30)

This is a simulator that lets you enjoy the satisfaction of popping a bubble-wrap infinitely. Don’t take my word for it.

Here’s a TV ad to tell you how fun the Infinite Bubble Wrap is.

I don’t understand a single word of what they’re saying. But if I interpreted the ad correctly, this is one device that will literally make you cry uncontrollably.

If popping bubble-wraps does not interest you, then guess what? There’s an Infinite Box-Opening Simulator too!

Guess what? It even comes with built-in speaker for “box opening sound”!

WOW.

Considering the fact that Japanese people have invented so much cool stuff, I’m pretty sure the Infinite Box-Opening Simulator is the single most useless gadget ever sold on the market.

Toys aside, even normal things that we are so used to in our daily lives can come in ridiculously amusing forms.

Like Condoms Monkey.

Until today, I am still not sure whether these are condoms for monkeys, condoms that are shaped like monkeys, or condoms that make you shag uncontrollably like monkeys.

Amusing.

But still, not as ridiculous as what I encountered next.

Beer shampoo!

Ever get the feeling that your hair felt left out when every time you down a icy cold glass of Guinness Draught? Fret not, crack open a bottle of BEER SHAMPOO and your hair will feel instantly relaxed.

Just remember, don’t wash your hair and drive.

But what if you are under the age of 18 and not allowed to enjoy the tantalizing smell of alcohol in your hair? Not to worry.

Introducing, Chupa Chups Bath Powder!

Makes your skin smooth, supple, sweet and delicious like a lollipop. Guaranteed to attract strangers come and lick you afterwards!

At least Beer Shampoo and Chupa Chups Bath Powder are amusing enough for me to wanna buy them. But I realised Japanese people seems to get absurdly excited over simple things as well.

Like this a toy that plays the sound normally heard on Japan Railway trains.

Press one button, and the speaker goes, “Next station, Ueno. Doors closing.”

*toot toot toot toot*

Cute gift.

If not for the fact that riding Japanese trains during peak hours is the single most torturing experience I’ve ever had in Tokyo.

Toys aside, shops in Akihabara do sell a lot of things I’d find plausible.

Like the HDD Media Prayer 3.

Very easy to use. Just plug and pray.

Shopping in Japan is very amusing. But hidden amongst all those useless items, sometimes you find nuggets of gold that may actually impress people.

I know one four feet nine girl who would be very happy to have this in her lunch box.

Yes. a Hello Kitty bento box. Even comes with shapers and cutters to make your rice and vegs into various shapes of Hello Kitty.

It’s quite amazing to see that Hello Kitty is still very big in Japan.

So much so that even the immensely popular robotic Vacuum Cleaner iRobot…

… comes with a Hello Kitty Version.

The world is slowly being taken over by a mouthless cat.

Luckily, this RoboMop, like many other Hello Kitty products, are designated to be for sale in Japan only.

It’s not possible to bring it into Malaysia, unless you buy it online from some website.

However, there was ONE ITEM I really really really wanted to buy in Japan. But failed. I had searched for this item in almost every single shop in Tokyo but still I couldn’t find The Stuff I Was Looking For.

Until I discovered through vPOST Smart Shopper.

Here’s a listing of virtually every single store in Japan I’ve encountered. All the big and popular ones like cosmetic Fancl, clothing store Nissen and toy shop Strap-ya are in there. Language is not a problem most of the time when Google Translate does its job properly.

It was through Smart Shopper that I come across a website called Rakuten.

This Rakuten site is ridiculously comprehensive. It is like the BE ALL END ALL of almost every single micro-organism ever created in Japan. They sell even those exclusive ones not sold ANYWHERE ELSE in the world. Hello Kitty Robomops, limited edition Transformers toys, you name it they’ve got it.

And yes, it also sell The Stuff I Was Looking For.

I didn’t use the site’s shipping service however because it’s freaking expensive.

Instead, I got myself a Japanese postal address through vPOST!

It’s a mail service operated by Singapore Post that lets you have your own postal address in USA, Europe or Japan. With that, not only can you buy stuff from people that don’t normally ship to Malaysian addresses, you save heaps on shipping charges when you buy things online.

Rather than having the item sent directly to me, I instructed Rakuten to send The Stuff I Was Looking For to my vPOST Japanese address.

For first-timers who’ve never used this service before, you can qualify for a first-timer’s discount. Next time you wanna buy anything online from USA, Japan or Europe, try out vPOST.

Before paying for it, enter the promo code 094FRVK.

Automatically, SGD$10 disappeared off your bill, and if you’re lucky, you may even get a pair of X-mini speakers thrown in for free. (T&C’s click here.)

When they got my item, I paid the shipping fee and within just a few days, this HUMUNGOUS package arrived at my door steps, containing The Stuff I Was Looking For.

Even came wrapped in a one-week-old copy of the Japan Times.

Wanna know exactly what was The Stuff I Was Looking For that I bought from Japan?

Well, I know I mentioned the Rakuten website has almost everything under the sun. And I ain’t kidding, they really do have everything under the sun.

Because I went ahead and bought myself…

A girlfriend.

Specifically, my most favourite part of a girlfriend.

DSC_4230-1

The boobies.

Yea, just boobies. Nothing else.

Unlike a normal girlfriend, this one is very special. She has no legs to go shopping, no hands to slap me when she’s unhappy and no mouth to constantly nag at me to spend time with her.

And the best part is, when I’m back from work tired, I can simply just bury my face in her chest.

Like this.

Damn nice ok.

I won’t even have to worry about waking up next morning to find that her dead from suffocation. How awesome is that?

My girlfriend let me sleep on her boobies. CAN YOURS?

If not, then maybe it’s time to replace your girlfriend with a Boobie Pillow, thru vPOST.

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ADV: Possibly The Biggest Contest You Will Ever Wanna Win

25 July 2009

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Event Coverage 46 Comments

A few months ago when I was in Ireland, I did what all travellers who set foot in Dublin do.

I made my pilgrimage to St James’s Gate Brewery, home of Guinness, also known by some people as The Disneyland for Grown-Ups.

The minions working for Guinness have set up an elaborate multimedia-style exhibition showcasing the origins of the black beer.

For some reason, a lot of their exhibits feature a man in blue shirt and gray pants speaking very enthusiastically through a projector screen about the beer.

I just would never have imagined that some four months later, this man would again appear right before my eyes.

Wearing the exact same blue shirt and gray pants!

It’s like he literally walked out of the projector screen. I didn’t know at the time who he is, or why exactly is he so important. Only much later did I find out his name is Fergal Murray.

That, and he holds the single most important job in Guinness Breweries worldwide.

You see, Fergal Murray is a Master Brewer, and the only Global Master Brewer in the world.

Much like how in the movie Transformers, The Primes are the guardians to the Matrix of Leadership, the recipe for brewing Guinness is also one closely guarded secret.

It is a 250-year-old secret which has been passed down generation to generation from its founder, Sir Arthur Guinness. It is a secret known only to an exclusive number of people they called The Master Brewers.

Fergal Murray is the latest in the long line of Master Brewers who knows all about the brewing of Guinness. Despite my best efforts asking him how to make my own black beer, he just wouldn’t tell.

The guy said something like he can tell me but then he’d have to kill me. Then I said he can kill me, but there’s already a beer called Kilkenny.

He didn’t find it funny. 🙁

To him, Guinness is serius bizness. Nothing satisfies the Irishman more than ridding our local bartenders of bad practices and educating them to perform the famous two-part pour, craft the perfect pint, and serve it with the same amount of love and care that he puts into brewing the 250-year-old beer.

Some people said that they don’t like the bitterness of Guinness. The truth is, a nicely-poured Guinness fresh from the tap shouldn’t taste that way. There’s the sweetness of caramel and roasted malt hidden amongst the flavour that can only be tasted when the bartender gets it right. When you can feel those flavours in your mouth, that’s when you know you’ve got good beer.

Anyway, the reason Fergal Murray was in town is because he’s here to launch the 250th Anniversary of Guinness.

When I first got the invite, I was curious.

It was the first time I have ever attended an event held inside Aquaria KLCC.

Why, of all places, Aquaria KLCC?

The reasons became clear when I arrived at the venue.

Guinness was experimenting how to feed fish with beer!

…

No, just kidding. The fish in Aquaria KLCC are not above the age of 21.

The launch was held in Aquaria KLCC because as part of its global 250th Anniversary celebrations, the brewery is running a HUGE global contest. The contest is so huge, that Guinness will be giving away three extremely remarkable once-in-a-lifetime experiences.

These prizes are so huge, unique, so jaw-droppingly amazingly, that quite possibly no other competition in the world would be able to replicate it for a long time.

Prize Number One is the Guinness Sea Experience.

First, the winner and two friends will be flown all the way to Norway. After enjoying an incredible four day stay on an island, they will board a purpose-built submarine that plunges deep into the depths of the ocean.

There, the exclusively-designed G250 Underwater Bar shall open for business for the winner to enjoy a pint of black beer while being surrounded by beautiful seascape.

It is
guaranteed to be an experience like no other.

Second, the Guinness Studio Experience.

For this one, the winner and two friends get to hangout with The Black Eyed Peas! Imagine having the world’s most popular hip-hop band performing live to you privately in their studio, then boast about drinking the black stuff wit The Black Eyed Peas afterwards.

You can ask will.i.am where he got his body from (he got it from his momma).

Or Fergie whether or not she wants her Hokkien char kuay teow with clams (mai ham, mai ham, mai ham mai ham mai ham).

But if you think those two prizes are good, wait till you hear the third ultimate prize.

The third prize is so outrageous, so incredibly epic that it’ll make you wanna forget about those two prizes and sink the Black Eyed Peas into the depths of the ocean. Permanently.

The third prize is a trip into…

… OUTER SPACE!

Yes, the third prize is Guinness Space Experience.

The winner and a friend flies off to New Mexico, USA – home of Spaceport America.

Here, you will undergo the three-day training course to ensure you’re physically fit for the space odyssey before you’re cleared to hop on the Virgin Galactic Spaceship.

You will have the privilege to become one of the first few non-professional astronauts in the world to jet off into space. As you exit the Earth’s atmosphere and float off your seat due to the weightlessness, raise your pint glass towards your friends back home on Planet Earth to give them one big yam seng!

Now, everyone can be an angkasawan. (If you are really lucky lah.)

This is Virgin boss Richard Branson telling more about the Guinness Space Experience.

The big question people might wanna ask is, how do you enter this once-in-a-lifetime global contest? The prizes are so big, it cannot possibly be that easy to enter, could it?

Do you have to take silly photos of you being kidnapped inside the back of a car?

Do you have to dress up as that frumpy old lady on Internet from Britain’s Got Talent?

Do you have to drink the whole brewery worth of Guinness?

Apparently not.

It’s damn easy one. For a chance to win a submarine trip to the depths of the Norwegian Seas, or a private performance by The Black Eyed Peas, or a flight onboard the Virgin Galactic Spaceship into space.

All you gotta do is answer this one dead simple question.

“True or False? Guinness is celebrating its 250th Anniversary since the signing of the lease at St James’s Gate Brewery, Dublin in 1759.”

Send your answer with the text “G250 ANSWER NAME IC” to 33212.

(Hint: The answer starts with ‘T’ and ends with ‘RUE’.)

Please take me to space if you win.

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Wedding Weekend In Melaka

23 July 2009

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Around Malaysia Life Documentary 92 Comments

Busy working on a secret project = little time to blog = random photo diarrhoea.

I flew into Melaka last weekend to attend the wedding of a friend of mine.

Pierre is the brand manager at Mamee Double-Decker Group and he’s responsible for a lot of campaigns I did for his company over the past couple of years.

I am always gonna be thankful towards him because this guy gave me so many once-in-a-lifetime opportunities that I would never have imagined otherwise. Among some of the most memorable collaborations we did was my acting in a TV Commercial for Mister Potato, my meeting with Jay Chou and most recently our M.P.F.C. trip to Old Trafford Stadium to watch the historic match between Manchester United and Liverpool.

Which is why when he asked me to be one of his “brothers” for his big day, I felt so privileged that I agreed without thinking twice.

Little did I expect the horror that was awaiting us in the form of… BRIDESMAIDS FROM HELL.

In Chinese wedding tradition, it is common for the bridesmaids act as guards for the bride. In order for the groom to prove that his love for the bride is real, these girls, in the name of sick sadistic fun, are tasked with torturing the groom and his “brothers” before they would allow him to see his bride.

As loyal “brothers” for Pierre, of course we are happy to take the bullet for him lah.

Until this happened.

No, this is not what you think it is.

This is the most painful torture ever created since the Qin Dynasty.

See our legs? See their hands on our legs?

That, my friend, is a WAX STRIP.

And this is my leg after the wax strip treatment.

FREAKING PAIN OK.

Somebody call the World Wildlife Fund. There’s a massive deforestation on my leg!

I was so emotionally traumatised that I chickened out of the next torture. LUCKY I DID!

I ask you hor. Where got bridesmaid so creative until they can come up the evil idea of tying a balloon right behind our ass, then asking the brother at the back to pop the balloon of the brother in the front…

… using their crotch!

Look at how much that chick on the left was enjoying herself with all the entertainment that we provide! What the hell! VERY FUNNY MEH!?

Ok lah, actually quite funny. Especially when you are not the one being tortured.

This is Timothy Tiah, my blog advertising agent and one of Malaysia’s leading young entrepreneur.

This is Timothy Tiah, sharing a “Brokeback Mountain” moment with another one of Pierre’s “brothers”.

Damn.

I can never have a brotherly relationship with any one of the guys if I had to go through with the balloon-humping or paper-kissing torture.

So I had a piece of WASABI SANDWICH that literally made my throat go through a nuclear meltdown!

But nevermind. It’s okay! In the name of brotherhood, we, the “brothers” of Pierre Pang shall gladly stand up for our groom!

It is, after all, his big day. And we saw how happy he was to see his bride, suddenly we felt what we went through was all worth it.

After all, he’s the one giving up his bachelor life forever. Heh heh heh.

We have some free time after the morning session, so Timothy, Audrey and I treated ourselves to some Mille Crepe Cake at Nadeje in Melaka Raya.

Mesmerized couple is mesmerized by the 100 Plus.

Pierre and Lay See’s Parisian-themed wedding was very lavish and well-appointed. No expense was spared and nothing but the absolute best food was served.

It’s the Brand Manager’s wedding, so naturally lots of Mister Potato was served during the cocktail reception.

It’s all about branding!

The groom is also a proud Hainanese, so during the wedding dinner, we were served Hainanese chicken rice as part of the menu.

I thought it was a real nice touch, and a good deviation from the usual food they serve during a typical wedding banquet.

Next time I marry, I’m gonna serve Kuching kolo mee, Sarawak laksa and 3-layer Teh-C-special.

Mesmerized couple is mesmerized by Eiffel Tower wedding cake.

The loving couple, the newly weds.

My hormones kicked in again urging me to start dating. Shut up hormones! No time lah, how to date?

The bride and her loving bunch of friends.

The groom and HIS loving bunch of friends.

Doing the classic Chinese wedding tradition, singing “Ai Pia Jia Eh Yia” (Literally, “Be determined and you shall win”) on karaoke.

CHECK OUT THAT OLD MAN IN STRIPED SHIRT!

Sa hun ti chu tia! Chit hun ko pa pia!

AI PIA JIA EH YIAAAA!

Next morning, with residual alcohol from the previous night running through my veins, I decided to have a morning jog around Melaka.

It was such an enjoyable run! The course I took was mostly flat and there were many cool paths along the rivers and waterways that made Melaka such a pleasant place to run in. If somebody can just organize a marathon in Melaka, I’d be the first person to sign up.

Spotted the Tenaga Nasional shop in Melaka. Don’t you find their slogan a bit arrogant?

Suddenly I have this mental image of TNB workers coming in the morning and dancing to “I’ve Got The Power!” *cues electronic music”

Anyway, after my morning exercise, Tim, Audrey and I negated my efforts running 14km earlier by having chicken rice balls for lunch.

Nobody ever instructed me the proper way of eating chicken rice balls, so this is what I did.

I shall call this, Melaka Sushi!

ADV: A Day In The Life Of A KDU Hospitality Student

20 July 2009

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Event Coverage 75 Comments

A few weeks ago, this was what the LDP highway looked like.

Notice anything different? No?

Just the usual traffic jam?

Wait, let’s zoom in a little closer.

WHO IS THAT!?!

WHY MY FACE HANGING OVER THE LDP HIGHWAY?

NOT SCARED LATER CAUSE TRAFFIC ACCIDENT IS IT?

Okay, that was actually a little publicity stunt by KDU College’s School of Hospitality, Tourism & Culinary Arts. The school was holding an open day last month and I was invited to be one of their special guests.

What does blogging have anything to do with hospitality? I don’t know.

Maybe they think kennysia.com is not hospitable enough, that’s why they decided to send me in for training.

It was certainly an honour to be invited onto their campus nonetheless. I had the chance to meet with several prospective students and had a chat with them during the Open Day.

Some of them were wondering whether or not hospitality and culinary is the correct career choice for them, especially since it’s not one of those “Parent Approved Career Choices” like Engineering or Business.

Personally I’d like to think of it this way. Everyone’s going into engineering or business and not all of them end up with jobs they wanted. But people are always gonna eat, and people are always gonna travel.

Flip open the newspapers and you’ll see thousands of vacancies in the services industry looking for people who have “a hospitable attitude” and can provide “good customer service”.

The hospitality, tourism and culinary industries are always gonna expand. People in it are always gonna be in demand.

The job security is there. If you are well-trained and possess the qualifications, it’s not hard to get a job upon graduation.

KDU College’s partner university is in Switzerland and students receive actual Swiss qualification upon graduation.

I was given a taste of what being a student there is like when I was asked to try my hands on cooking in one of their many professional kitchens.

To complete the look, the college was nice enough to even present me with my very own custom-made chef uniform.

Not bad for someone whose signature dish was 2-minute instant noodles.

So please, welcome to my restaurant.

Unfortunately, I cannot possibly cook anything on my own.

Luckily the college has kindly arranged their Culinary Arts lecturer and celebrity Chef Zam to show me the how.

We’ll be making and cooking pasta, and we’ll do that hopefully without burning the entire KDU College down to ashes.

To make pasta from scratch, first of all, you’ll need an egg, a bowl of flour and permission from Chef Zam to make an absolute mess.

Start by mixing up an egg and pour it into the bowl of flour.

After some grabbing, mixing, kneading, and generally pulverizing the crap out of that mixture, I end up with a yellow sticky ball of dough, like this.

It ain’t fun eating pasta shaped like a ball, so I send my dough to this pasta-making machine to flatten it out.

You gotta be careful with this machine though.

Because if not…

… accidents may happen!

And you may end up with a flattened (but delicious) hand.

After cutting it up into little strips of fettuccini (the pasta, not the hand), avoid the temptation of holding it up against your chin and do a horrible impersonation of Dumbledore.

“Hello, Harry Potter.”

Afterwards, it’s all up to Chef Zam to work his magic on the stove and cook the pasta al dente.

A couple of minutes later, dinner is ready to be served.

Behold, the Pasta a la Kenny Sia. (I totally made up that name.)

Surprisingly, it’s actually very very good!

In fact, Pasta a la Kenny Sia tastes like something straight out from Italiannies that costs RM19.99 + 10% service charge + 5% government tax.

Do You Smell What The Blog Is Cooking?

It was a fun experience making pasta, cooking pasta and most importantly, eating pasta.

After the stint in the kitchen, I bid farewell to Chef Zam before seeing what else the School of Hospitality, Tourism and Culinary Arts has to offer

The KDU College students were cooking up a storm.

Much to my surprise, there’s a full-fledged cocktail bar inside one of their training restaurants!

Kids these days. How often can you boast about eating pasta and drinking alcohol as part of your coursework?

When I did Engineering, the most exciting thing in my coursework was solving complex differential equations in my Calculus class. Something that I never even got to use later in life!

Later on, I joined Chef Kenneth Kam and his students for a mooncake-making session.

It involves slipping a latex glove onto my hand as if I were going for a rectal examination. That’s when I found out I’m not very good with latex. Because my gloves broke, twice.

I think it must be because I’ve got big hands.

And you know what they say about men with big hands?

They need big gloves.

Making mooncakes involves pressing the sticky dough into a wooden mould to give it the distinct mooncake shape.

Whatever you do, do not play with the wooden mould as if it’s a martial arts weapon.

You never know if there’s an angmoh behind you thinking you’re a total idiot.

The July intake for the School of Hospitality, Tourism & Culinary Arts is now open and all info are available on their website.

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Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen In 35 Seconds

16 July 2009

admin

Reviews 109 Comments

Why waste 2.5 hours watching it in the cinemas…

… when you can watch the entire Transformers movie summarised into a 35 second clip on kennysia.com, free of charge?

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Keluar Sign FAIL

11 July 2009

admin

Out of the Ordinary 55 Comments

Dude, where’s the door?

So in case of fire, are we expected to smash through the brick wall?

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KL Marathon and Josiah & Kim’s Wedding

6 July 2009

admin

Life Documentary Understanding Women 151 Comments

It has been a very hectic past couple of days for me.

A lot of stuff have been happening lately but I’m too tired to put them into a properly structured post. For once, this blog post is gonna be all my thoughts jumbled up, in Malaysian rojak style.

I did the 21km category of the KL Marathon last week and completed it within 2 hours 34 minutes. My target was 2 hrs 30 mins.

As much as I’d love to finish the race 4 minutes earlier, the undulating course proved too difficult for my 84kg body to handle.

The final stretch along Lake Gardens was the real stamina killer. It was almost entirely uphill and by the time we reach flatter ground, everyone around me turned into zombies and walked towards the end. It was a depressing sight.

Despite my disappointment not hitting my target, I must admit that I absolutely enjoyed this race. Initially the pollution and haze in the lead-up to the event worried the heck outta me, but everyone thought the weather and temperature that day was perfect. And I agree.

I had the most brilliant playlist on my iPod to accompany me for the race. Listening to this track from Capsule made me felt like Transformer cruising towards the finishing line. On top of that, I was 8 minutes faster than last year and achieved a personal best for 21km.

Can’t wait for my next run. The next challenge is to beat the Shah Alam 22km race in 2 hours 20 minutes.

But before I do that, I’d have to lose weight, desperately.

On the same night, I attended Josiah and Kim‘s fun and classy wedding dinner at The Westin.

Kim Ong was xanga.com/kimfluttersby when I knew of her back five years ago. She didn’t know me then because I didn’t have a blog. But somehow we shared common friends from the same university and someone introduced me to her blog.

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Josiah Ng is Malaysia’s Olympic track cyclist.

I also knew of him back in 2004 when I saw him on TV competing at the Athens Olympics. Australian TVs were rooting for their athlete competing in the cycling event, but when I saw a Malaysian in it, I was hooked.

The intensity in his eyes and the power he unleashed on the velodrome made me an instant fan of his. He came second in that race, and I made it a point to watch the cycling event every Olympic Games after that.

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These two were complete strangers to me five years ago. Never would I have imagined that I would be attending their wedding dinner some five years later.

Funny how the world works sometimes.

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Josiah and Kim’s wedding was an intimate and classy affair. Josiah’s dad was especially popular with the females in the crowd when he advised his son to “not let Kim do all the housework. Remember sometimes you must also cook for her!”

To show off the fact that I ran 21km earlier, this is Josiah asking me to gesture “21” with our fingers.

FAIL.

During the wedding, a strange feeling came over me. And it wasn’t just because Kim’s friends are all pretty darn hot.

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But seeing all other happy couples that were there that night, suddenly I felt the urge to start dating again.

It’s been more than 7 months since I declared myself unattached. As much as I enjoy making money and the freedom of moving around solo, the lack of a female companion is really getting to me. Physically, emotionally and errr… hormonally.

I don’t know how many guys out there lead a workaholic lifestyle as hectic as mine is, but I’m very curious to know if anyone can sustain a relationship when you’re required to travel out of town almost every single week and meet new people all the time. How is it possible for the partner to even put up with that?

That’s why I really have a lot of respect for flight attendants.

Because these people fly around the world so much and are constantly surrounded by rich and good-looking people. A lot of them may be single, but many of them still manage to sustain a normal relationship. Some are even married.

How the heck can their partners put up with someone who spends four or five full days a week on the job, in different countries around the world?

Unless they are James Bond lah.

If there’s one thing I learn about girls after all these while, it’s that the female species need a lot of attention. If you wanna give attention to girls, you gotta devote time.

But here’s the kicker.

Once you’re invested all your time, successfully got the girl and officially declare that you are “in a relationship”, suddenly you have to face fights and arguments and all those petty things that woul
d take up even MORE of your time.

Then suddenly you are forced to give up time on your career or hobby. And you find yourself having to spend ALL your time on your girl to make them feel more secure. Because if not then your girlfriend’s girlfriends will say that you are “useless”, “heartless”, “not caring enough” and then advise her to leave you for a better man.

The thing is as I mature, I find time is something so precious that sometimes I feel it’s more productive to spend time on my career or a hobby, than on something as difficult to deal with, intensive and emotionally-draining as… girls.

In other words, to put it in business terms, spending time on girls does not generate a very good R.O.I.

You put a lot of time, money and effort into a relationship, but sometimes get very little in the end.

Is there something wrong with me thinking that way?

Wow, one whole blog post about chicks.

Something is definitely wrong with me.

Aiya. Maybe I just need the type of girl who doesn’t require attention, only required to meet up once a week and can simply abandon anytime when my job gets the better of me.

Does this species of female exist?

And please don’t say for 500 Baht an hour in Bangkok.

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ADV: The Coffee Love Story

3 July 2009

admin

Thoughts & Musings 75 Comments

Been so extremely stressed out lately!

On the 30th June, I completed my tax filing like a law-abiding citizen, only to get a rude shock when I discovered the amount of tax I have to pay can only be described as obscene.

Crunching numbers ain’t not my forte, yet I was too silly to pay for the services of an accountant to handle the numbers for my business income.

In the end, my invoices and receipts were all over the place and I paid a huge sum of money to the Malaysian Government – not because I am earning lots, but because I did all the book-keeping by myself and absolutely sucked at it.

Times like these, I really wish I had hired an accountant so I could just sit back, relax and chill lah.

Just like this dude right here.

Another thing I absolutely sucked at is writing short stories.

Growing up, I always prefer to read non-fiction books (like those from the Recommended section in Singapore) instead of any fictional titles from the likes of JK Rowling, JRR Tolkien or Stephanie Meyer. As a result, my imagination and story-telling skillz suck.

But you see, here’s the thing.

There is a script-writing contest by Nescafe where the first prize is RM10,000 in cash. For Nuffnang bloggers (which I am), they’ll throw RM3,000 cash my way just for making it into the Top 20. Click here for easy money!

The only catch is that the storyline must feature Nescafe Chilled Coffee cans. And those coffee cans must be speaking in Chill Lah language – otherwise known as homonyms.

Again, I am not very good at writing short-stories. I am even worse at thinking in homonyms.

But since I’m terribly broke right now after paying my outstanding taxes to the Inland Revenue Board, I decided to give it a shot and send in my script. I must warn you though, it is really REALLY lame.

Let’s see if you are smart enough to decipher what this short story starring Nescafe chilled cans speaking in Chill Lah language is all about. Behold…

The Coffee Love Story
by Kenny Sia

Once upon a time…