Last Christmas, myself and 20 other Malaysian bloggers was invited to attend Nuffnang’s Christmas party in Singapore.

The event sponsor was vPOST, and true to Nuffnang’s fondness of organising themed parties, everyone was required to dress up according to the letters V, P, O, S or T.

The thing is, we were only told of the dress code just four days before the event. That’s hardly enough time for us to prepare our costumes.

But if there’s one thing we’re good at being a Malaysian or Singaporean, it’s the fact that we are all experts in “last minute improvisation”. Three days before the event, I asked everyone what they’re gonna wear and no one knew. But when it comes to the actual event, virtually all of us ended up with some seriously crazy ass get-ups!

Like V for “Virgin Bride” Audrey.

P for “Paranoid” Jared.

S for “Santarinas” Peggy.

And T for “Transvestite” Ben!

 

I was the one of the lucky few who was assigned the letter O, which is possibly the most difficult letter in 26 alphabets to dress up for. I asked many people what’s the first thing that comes to mind when they think of the letter “O”, and they all said “Orgasm”.

Now how the hell do you dress up as “Orgasm”?

Wear a black shirt and put some white stains on it? And where could I possibly get the “white stains” from? Please don’t say “the natural method” because I’d need a bukkake session to collect enough.

So in the end, I settled for a simpler O.

I came as an “Old Man”!

Don’t play play.

This uncle may be old and wrinkly, but as soon as he saw Peggy and her red army of hotties in their sexy Christmas outfits, his tongkat responded by rising to the occasion.

 

The best thing about the Christmas party of course is not just the food, the friends and the babes. When we left the club that night, each of us were given door gifts in the form of a set of personalized stamps (complete with our ugly mugshots on it) and a SGD$5 voucher to use on vPOST.

That’s useful to ‘cos I have been using vPOST a lot since I learnt of their existence.

A lot of people in Malaysia may not even have heard of vPOST yet, let alone know what it is.

I think that’s a real shame because it’s a great service that allows even those of us in Malaysia to get our hands on items from the US that may previously be inaccessible.

Lemme paint a scenario here.

Let’s say you’re cruising through the Internet, browsing through some favourite online shopping sites like Amazon, eBay, Bodybuilding.com, Victoria’s Secrets. Not that I shop at Victoria’s Secrets. But just an example lah, y’know?

You saw several thing that you like, and the prices even after conversion to Ringgit are reasonable. So you select what you want and you click through to check out.

But alas, this error message came up!

 

So what do you do?

If you have friends living in the US, one way to do it is to “lompang” their address so you can get the items shipped to them first then ask them to mail it out to you in Malaysia later.

But if you do that too often, don’t be surprised if suddenly your friends all become “very busy” and started avoiding you at all cost.

See? Pinkpau is boycotting me now.

Here’s where vPOST comes in handy.

I don’t have to bug my friends living in the US anymore. As soon as I signed up with vPOST, I was given a postal address located in the USA.

Using this address as a intermediary, I can purchase almost anything I want online from the US and have it delivered to my “fake” American address.

When the items arrived (usually after 2 to 3 days), those minions workin
g for vPOST will send me an e-mail informing me of the shipping charges.

I pay them using credit card or Paypal, and vPOST will then courier the stuff over directly to my Malaysian address.

Like this!

The entire process takes only about two weeks, which is insanely fast given my previous horrible experience buying things online from the States.

In the past when I used to purchase my protein powders from Bodybuilding.com, it took 2 to 3 MONTHS just waiting for it to arrive. Once, my package didn’t even arrive at all. No kidding. Ground shipping was so damn slow and unreliable I suspect that they used illegal immigrants to carry the stuff over by swimming across the Atlantic Ocean.

But vPOST is quick and reliable. As far as I know, no other postal or courier services in Malaysia have offered a similar service to purchase stuff from the US.

Suddenly this opens up a lot of doors of opportunities for us considering the biggest obstacle we have with buying things online is how exactly to ship it over. There’s a gold mine of stuff just waiting to be explored on eBay USA alone.

Already I’ve bought an iPod nano case from Marware, several books from Amazon.com (that I cannot find in MPH or Borders bookstores) and some anti-snoring tablets from drugstore.com to cure my snoring problem.

Yes, unfortunately I have been told my snoring sometimes resembled the Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra on crack. Since none of the stuff sold in local pharmacies worked for me, I decided to try a stronger medication from the US.

Apart from Malaysia, vPOST is also available in Singapore, Australia, India and Thailand. Singaporeans can get stuff not just from the USA, but also from Europe or Japan shipped over.

I’ll be waiting for the day when vPOST starts delivery from Japan to Malaysia. When that happens, I’m gonna be the first to get my hands on one of these “Oppai Pillows” I saw on the Internet.

This is an “Oppai Pillow”.

Otherwise known as “Breast Pillow”.

Hey, don’t blame me! I have been single for WAY too long.

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I fly to Singapore quite regularly.

 

There are normally two types of places I stay at everytime I head down there.

If I’m lucky, then some benevolent company inviting me to attend their function in Singapore would pay for my stay in some spanking 5-star hotel so freaking expensive, it would’ve cost the equivalent of my left testicle.

 

But if I’m not-so-lucky, then I would’ve to pay for my own accommodation in Singapore. And I usually stay at One Florence Close in Kovan where it’s cheap and clean.

Right across from where I stay is a kopitiam with a red sign board called "Punggol Nasi Lemak Centre".

Don’t be fooled  by the word "centre" in it’s name though.

When I saw the name, I half-expected it to be something big, like a medical centre, shopping centre or a err… health centre. But really, Punggol Nasi Lemak Centre is just a glorified name for a nasi lemak stall from Punggol.

Despite passing by the place so often, I never really ate there because hey, I live in Malaysia, and nasi lemak is quintessentially a Malay dish. How could a stall operated by a Chinese selling nasi lemak in Singapore possibly taste any better, right?

That would be like going to Japan and saying Sushi King makes better sushi.

  

What eventually changed my mind was when I came back from clubbing one evening, and noticed this a huge stretch of queue extending from the stall all the way out to the road.

From my experience, I know that Singaporeans only queue for three things:
1. Louis Vuitton.
2. Hello Kitty.
3. Something really really good.

Given the absence of an overpriced monogram handbag or a cat with no mouth, I think it is safe to assume that Punggol Nasi Lemak falls under to Category 3. Something really really good.

 

And it was damn good alright. In fact, it was possibly one of the best I’ve had.

Unlike in Malaysia where our nasi lemaks are pre-packaged at RM1 each wrapped in old newspaper, at Ponggol Nasi Lemak, they do it Nasi Kandar-style.

That means you have to go up to the counter and tell them which side-dishes you want to go along with your rice.

There’s a wide variety of choices: ikan bilis, fried chicken, tempura prawns, sotong balls, long beans, otah, acar, peanuts, fried egg, curried vegies, etc just to name a few.

After you’ve made your selection, they’ll then slather on a slab of sambal and put two slices of cucumber on your plate. But if they like you, then sometimes they’ll put three slices of cucumber. Like me!

This is what I’ve chosen to go with my dish.

Clockwise from that delicious piece of fried chicken wing, there’s the ikan bilis with peanuts, sambal, two sotong balls, fried wanton, cucumber, sambal lady’s finger, acar and a beautiful piece of fried egg right in the middle. All together, they cost close to SGD$8 (RM20), which is freaking pricey for a nasi lemak. But damn, it was well worth it.

If you’re not sure which to choose, you can’t go wrong with the fried chicken wing and acar. Those two go exceptionally well with the fragrant rice and sambal.

As a testament to how good Ponggol Nasi Lemak is, they even have to put up this notice in the newspapers.

Apparently, some competitors have been copying their namesake to fool customers into thinking that they’re the same company.

Nowadays, even nasi lemak also got pirated one.

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(Disclosure: I was commissioned for this write-up, but I paid for the food myself and the following are my honest and independently written review of their menu.)
In the interest of helping Malaysia curb the obesity epidemic, this will be the final food review I’m doing for Emmanuel Stroobant’s Christmas menu.

Dave’s Pizza Pasta Vino is one of the hidden treasures of 1Utama. So hidden in fact that despite going to 1Utama so often, I never even knew it existed.
1Utama to me has always been just The New Wing. I searched high and low for this restaurant, only to realise that it is actually located at The Old Wing, on the ground floor right opposite Burger King and TGI Friday’s.

The restaurant didn’t impress me at first.
Upon entering, I was immediately reminded of other similar informal Italian restaurants like Chili’s or Italiannies. Not that there’s anything wrong with it. But the dimmed lights, cluttered walls, and comfy cushions just seems a bit too common place.
There’s a decent crowd of regulars at the restaurant, but it wasn’t exactly packed too brim. The ambience was still casual and comfortable.
So comfortable in fact, that they even provided us with a baby pillow.

Maybe some kid accidentally left behind her pillow also. I dunno.
In any case, I sat on it too long and so err… it kinda smells like my butt now.
Unlike Chili’s or Italiannies though, the food at Dave’s is very non-halal, which means pig lovers can go hog wild at all the porky galore goodness.

“Welcome! Eat me!”

From a business standpoint, it seems quite silly at first that Dave’s would wanna make their restaurant non-halal. It’s a huge revenue sacrifice when you alienate about 60% of the Malaysian population. Why the heck would anyone wanna do that?
But as soon as I sunk my teeth into the pan-fried pork belly shaving (RM18), immediately I understood why Dave’s decided to go against convention and squeal OINK!

Damn. That was one downright sinfully delicious pork belly!
This is one dish you really gotta try to believe! The texture is great and the aroma even better. The crispy bacon soaked in dripping oil is so tasty that it completely blew me away.

Just as awesome were the button mushrooms stuffed with bacon, cream and mozzarella cheese (RM18.50).
As a true meatlover, I wasn’t expecting much out of this predominantly vegie dish. But as soon as I put it in my mouth, my eyes immediately lit up.

What a fantastic delight. Words do not do justice the orgasmic delight when the overflowing juices of the stuffed mushrooms bukkaked and filled up inside your mouth. These are the best mushrooms I’ve ever had in years!
Two entrees and already we were impressed.
We can’t go to a restaurant with “Pizza” in its name without at least sampling their pizzas, so we got a large pork salami pizza (RM38) to share.

I know this is starting to get old, but…
This pizza kicked ass.
This pizza kicked Pizza Hut’s ass. Multiple times over.
This pizza kicked Pizza Hut’s ass so bad, the customers eating at Pizza Hut could taste Dave’s foot on their pizza toppings.

In short, this pizza totally kicked ass.
What I like the most about the pizza is the taste of slightly-burnt cheese on the crispy crust outside. Very yummy! Other than the restaurants in 5-star hotels, not too often have I seen gourmet pizzas done to that perfection.
The only thing I hate about the salami pizza is the ba jiao (star anise, I think) they added to the pizza topping. Who the heck put ba jiao on pizzas man? Please, leave that foul-tasting herb in bakuteh, and not on my pizzas.

Three hits in a row and we wondered when Dave’s would go wrong. Unfortunately, they did with the chicken parmegiana (RM40).
There was chicken, cheese and mashed potatoes, but ultimately there was nothing out of the ordinary. It was the only dish we didn’t actually finish.

The mixed seafood platter (RM41) we had was above average though. For RM41, we got an assortment of prawns, mussels, fish, calamari and clams all baked with cheese and served over truffle sauce.
Quite a sweet deal for indecisive people like us who can’t make up their mind.

But the best deal in the house has gotta be the Guinness lamb shank (RM41).
For RM41, I got a humungous portion of a lamb shank and, like every other main course item on the Guinness Christmas menu, comes a free pint of Guinness Draught on the house.
The beer costs about RM20 at Dave’s, so essentially I’m only paying 21 bucks the lamb shank.

Nowhere in KL, Kuching or some say Batam can you get a lamb shank at a restaurant for just 21 bucks.
And it’s pretty good lamb shank too!
The Guinness tenderized the meat so well it falls off the bone and melts in my mouth. When accompanied with mashed potato on sweet stout-enhanced gravy, the end result was a lamb shank so flavoursome I can’t wait to wash down with a pint of cold black beer. It was such a satisfying dish.

The aftermath of the lamb shank

One thing I must also commend on was the service at Dave’s. It was most definitely a good 4 and half out of 5 stars.
Service was prompt without being hectic, friendly without being pushy, attentive without being annoying. If you ask the waiters any basic question, they know their stuff. The best part is that it’s easy to get their attention because they are always nearby.
It was very unlike my experience in other restaurants, where the waiters always seems too busy talking to each other, or too lazy to move around as if they were acting in a movie called “The Day The Waiters Stood Still.”

My collection of miniature Guinness pint glasses

I know I sound like some fanboy raving through this review, but there is no false advertising here! If you like places like Chili’s, TGI Friday’s or Italiannies, you’ll love Dave’s at 1Utama. The food is good and the prices even better.
The only false advertising you’re gonna get is in their Kid’s Menu.

Nemo as Fish & Chips? Damn, that’s cruel!

Seriously though, I say the Guinness Christmas menu promotion is one of those things too good to miss out own. It only runs till 31st December and only at selected outlets around Klang Valley. They are really worth trying. If you’re wary, I have already given my verdict on which dish to order and which ones to avoid at Delaney’s, Jarrod & Rawlins @ Ampwalk Mall, Michelangelo’s @ Solaris and Dave’s. KY have also written reviews for Cafe Chulo, Ronnie Q, Gypsy Wine & Bar, SevenAteNine and The Magnificent Fish & Chips.

Kenny Sia after eating at Dave’s

Anyway opportunities like these don’t come very often, where you get to sample dishes created by a celebrity chef at prices so reasonable, especially when you take into account the free beer they throw in with every main course. 🙂

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(Disclosure: I was commissioned for this write-up, but I paid for the food myself and the following are my honest and independently written review of their menu.)
So I brought the two Malaysian Dreamgirls Cindy and Cheesie to hunt for food in Solaris, Mont Kiara last weekend.

Solaris is nice place to chillout. It is KL’s latest party and dining central. I’m guessing it caters mostly towards those rich yuppy types living in Mont Kiara. But I think a poser like me from Kuching is welcome too.
The crown jewel of the area is SohoKL, a whole new row of cool bars and posh restaurants nice enough to impress a date without breaking your wallet or have her call you “kiam”.

We headed to Michelangelo’s for Italian food.
Contrary to popular belief, the owner of the restaurant is not, I repeat NOT, Michelangelo.
The great Italian painter has been dead for over 400 years and he didn’t suddenly just come alive and open a restaurant in KL.

What Michelangelo’s is, however, a pleasant Italian restaurant that sits somewhere between casual and fine-dining.
Their Solaris restaurant is also another one of those outlets doing the Guinness Christmas menu I’ve been reviewing. The promotion they run is pretty much the same.

For every main course ordered, they’ll serve you a free pint of Guinness Draught right away, RM12 discount off three pints on your next visit, and a free miniature pint glass thrown in to boot.
So you can “yam seng” with me if you’re not a big drinker like Cheesie.

There are four different Christmas-themed miniature glass. I got the one with Rudolph on it and reckoned it was real cute.
(Oh I just found out also that you can get these mini pint glasses from some pubs in Kuching as well, like Rain in Chonglin Park.)
Compared to Delaney’s and Jarrod & Rawlins Ampwalk that I’ve already blogged about, this one seem to have more choices on their Christmas menu.

There’s a total of five Guinness-infused dishes to choose from, and each of them comes with a complimentary pint of black beer on the house.
Question.

How many dishes did two under-40kg freelance models and one obese marathoner order at a restaurant?
A) One.
B) One for each. Three in total.
C) Everything on the Christmas menu.

The answer is C. We actually ordered every single item on the Christmas menu.
Goodbye my post-marathon weight loss.
And because neither girl are big drinkers, I ended up finishing most of the free beer too.

But that’s okay. I ain’t complaining. 😉

The first dish we ordered was the quail stuffed with foie gras (RM65.90)
This is an original recipe created by Emmanuel Stroobant, executed perfectly by Michelangelo’s. The foie gras was marinated with Guinness and shoved up the hole in the quail.
Cheesie described it as “eating a bird and then accidentally biting into the liver.”

The girls didn’t enjoy the sweet sauce that went with the dish but personally I loved it. I thought it went down extremely well with the beer.
My only quip is that the portion size was too little for me to fully appreciate such an exquisite dish. I know it’s the economy crisis now, but they should’ve used a bigger bird instead.

The second dish was lobster with squid ink pasta (RM69.90)
To be honest, I don’t know how they could possibly screw this dish up. I love lobsters and I’m a big fan of squid ink pasta.

Put them both together and somehow they bombed it. It didn’t help that the lobster meat they used were disappointingly flaky and the pasta were as bland as TV3 newsreaders. Considering I paid RM69.90, I think they could’ve put more effort into making the dish right.
Luckily the next dish came and save the day.

It’s the Guinness Stout marinated cod fish (RM55.90).

Trust me, the cod is good!
This is the best dish of the night.
It’s obvious that they served us a very fresh fish. The cod fish married the sauce wonderfully and the meat so awesomely tender, smooth and juicy that it literally just melted inside my mouth. Very the super delicious.

Fish lover or not, I highly recommend this Guinness marinated cod fish. I had to stop myself from taking too much of it in one go, otherwise I might get tipsy and start raping Christmas tree inside the restaurant.

The delicious streak continued with Michelangelo’s Angelo’s style braised chicken leg (RM39.90).
It is a variation of the dish Emmanuel Stroobant taught me how to make from the workshop I attended earlier.
This one is not bad for chicken lovers.

I didn’t like that the sourness of the pickled cucumber overwhelm the natural flavour of the marinated chicken, so it’s better to leave the cucumber out when savouring this dish. Otherwise, it’s excellent. The herb risotto in particular was cooked to perfection.

The final dish of the night was the braised beef short ribs with Guinness (RM39.90).
Perhaps it was an overdose of main courses, but tender as the meat was, after a while everything started to taste the same to me. Cindy loved it though, and she polished up the entire serving leaving nothing but bones.

Michelangelo’s have some hits and misses with their Christmas menu, but overall we had a fantastic dinner. Portion sizes in general are smaller than say Jarrod & Rawlins. But I think Michelangelo’s have purposely done it that way to fill you up without overstuffing you.
Else the three of us could not possibly have finished five main course dishes in one sitting.

All in all, Michelangelo’s (the restaurant) is a great place to go to if you wanna have dinner while staring at the large sized replica of Michelangelo’s (the painter) Creation of Adam hanging on the wall.
Coincidentally, I happen to saw the original painting of the Creation of Adam when I was at the Vatican City earlier this year. It’s a beautiful painting, and I can understand why it was hailed as one of the greatest masterpieces from the Renaissance times.
Creation of Adam describes a scene from the Book of Genesis.

On the sixth day, God created man.
Except at Michaelangelo’s restaurant, God left out one, tiny, little detail.


He accidentally made Adam, into Eve.

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(Disclosure: I was commissioned for this food-tasting, but I paid for the food myself and the following are my honest and independently written review on their menu.)
After a birthday dinner at home that went awry, I celebrated my birthday again with a few of my close friends in KL.

Dear friends,
I am getting old. To celebrate the occassion you are cordially invited to come to my birthday dinner cum tasting… errr… I mean, birthday dinner cum FOOD tasting at Jarrod & Rawlins.
The chef will be preparing several Guinness-infused dishes that’s not publicly available yet. There will also be lots of “sausages” and “stuffed pies” to go around, so remember bring along an empty stomach.
P/S. Kenny Sia practices a “No Birthday Gifts Required” policy, so please don’t feel obligated to bring any gifts. Like they say, “it’s the thought that counts”. So as long as you got think, then good enough liaw!

Ahhh… Jarrod & Rawlins.
Sounds like a law firm. Looks like a law firm. But 100% confirm it’s not a law firm.
Instead, Jarrod & Rawlins is a very popular chain of restaurants in KL best known for two things: Wine and PORK.
Ask any KL-ite who loves their pork and they surely would’ve heard of this place.

Jarrod & Rawlins’ Ampwalk Mall outlet

They got five outlets throughout the Klang Valley.
The original one started at Desa Sri Hartamas a year ago. From there, the gastronomic partnership between wine expert Jarrod Check and fine meat lover Denis Rawlins sprouted out four other outlets at Damansara Heights, Ampwalk Mall, 1Utama and Capsquare, with many more to come.

The concept behind Jarrod & Rawlins is not gonna be what everyone is used to. It ain’t your run-of-the-mill restaurant. It’s more like that Britney song. “It’s not a pub… not quite a deli.”
J&R is not quite a restaurant, not quite a deli, not quite a cafe yet not quite a pub. It is a little bit of everything, banged up and mashed together, and somehow just… worked.
Anyway if you’ve been to Mr Ho’s Fine Foods, the concept is similar. Except J&R did a much better job!

In most outlets, they have a separated area for pubs where the ambience is a little more casual and more conducive to watching sports on the big screen while drinking beer freshly poured from the tap.
Every outlet has a deli where you can pick your meat and cheese from the glassed showcase.

There are more sausages than a men’s changing room, and they come in all kinda shapes, sizes and flavours.

You can choose anything you want, and it doesn’t always have to be the biggest sausage. Because you know, it ain’t the size that matters. It’s how you cook it!

You can order the meat straight from the deli and cook them at home yourself. Otherwise, the more popular option is to pay a little extra and have the chef do it for you.
There are tables for those who wanna dine in. In their Damansara Heights outlet, they even have a posh little restaurant area for those who prefer to be part of the discerning crowd and wine and dine on white cloth-covered tables while listening to Kenny G.

It’s almost a punishable crime if you go to J&R without ordering the pork bellies, chorizos and dynamite sausages in a platter. These babies are seriously damn addictively good. My mouth waters just thinking about it.
You know the food is good when you have four skinny girls at the table and they’re the first to finish off everything. And then they still asked for more.

For starters, I ordered the Atlantic prawns and avocado (RM18). Honestly though, it wasn’t that good. I’ve had better prawns at seafood restaurants elsewhere. But it’s healthy dish, so no complaints there.

Nicole had the caramelised pear and walnuts on gorgonzola (RM18). Not bad. A nice pure vegeterian dish to warm up her stomach for the humungous meat feast later on.

The salmon carpaccio and aragula salad with Guinness wasabi dressing is deliciously light and fantastic.
It’s from their Christmas menu, available only from their Ampwalk Mall outlet. These are wafer-thin slices that’s cut just enough to tantalise the tastebuds without filling you up too much. The salmon is topped with salad, olive oil, crouton and capers, then glazed all over with Guinness wasabi.
Quite a nice touch on an otherwise boring dish of salmon sashimi.

For the main course, Lainey ordered black cod fish with lemon butter on spinach and potatoes (RM48).
Yee Hou opted for the pork cumberland sausage (RM28).

… which look like this!
KY said it looked like something he made last night. Including the sauce.
Despite how dodgy it looked, it must’ve tasted good. Yee Hou gobbled up everything nothing left to spare.

Ringo went for the grilled king tiger prawns with poached asparagus (RM60).
It’s yummy. But for a portion that small, I won’t say it’s worth the RM60 price tag.
Of course, that dish was just the odd one out. As most J&R regulars would tell you, portions in this restaurant are usually very large.
I had the crispy Guinness pork knuckle for mains. But even when the wait staff had warned me, I had no clue how huge it is until it arrived.

Man, I thought I knew what big was. Everytime I look into my pants, I SEE BIG.
But this!?

There’s tall, grande and venti. And then there’s the Jarrod & Rawlins’ pork knuckles. It was so freaking enormous that I suspected must’ve cut it out from one of Godzilla’s legs
Seriously, I’ve never eaten anything THAT size before. There’s enough meat to give my doctor nightmares, enough crispy pork skin to make my cholestrol level shoots through the roof and enough fat to power a diesel truck.
It is also one of the most sublime pork dishes I have ever had in a long time.

You know they got it right when everytime you cut into the meat, you can hear the beautiful crackling of the crispy skin as it falls away from the bone. Then when you dip it into the sauce and put it in your mouth, you’re in heaven.
The dried serano ham served with the dish ain’t too bad, but it’s the savoury sauce that made it work.

I’m not sure what they put in it there, but we couldn’t stop ourselves from stuffing them down our throats like a pack of hungry wolves.
This dish is part of J&R’s Christmas menu, and I highly recommend it for all self-confessed carnivores out there. If Jarrod & Rawlins is pork lovers’ definition of Heaven, then the crispy Guinness pork knuckles must be their Fountain of Youth.

Because everyone was stuffed to the max, we ordered three different cakes to share: the Macaroon Banana, the Warm French Chocolate and the Apple Cinnamon (RM16 each).
I didn’t even get to try the cakes because they were all gone before I had a spoon of each. Dammit, I’m the birthday boy!

We also had the mixed berries compote with Guinness reduction, vanilla gelato and crushed pistachios from the Christmas menu. Magnificent.

I realised how busy I am lately that I’m begin to lose touch with people that matter to me.
My status on MSN has been on “Appear Offline” mode since like forever. The healthy social life I used to have had all but disappeared. These days, I have been online so infrequently and spending so little time with friends that even simple moments like these, when we gather around the table and talk cock over good food and Guinness Draught that I truly appreciate.

Eventhough it’s just simple birthday dinner, we have our moments to remember by. Like how halfway through our food, JoyceTheFairy interjected everyone and said, “Eh I ask you all har. What’s the meaning of the acronym LMAO?” And we showed her what LMAO is by literally LMAO-ing at her. Such great friends we are.
I’m glad Joyce could join us because I knew how much she loved J&R. She had to come late after running around the whole day doing MIFA. By the time she arrived, she was starving and yet the first thing she ordered is not food, but a creamy pint of Guinness Draught.

That’s what you call RESPECT.

The list of Jarrod & Rawlins outlets can be found here. The pork here is seriously good stuff and if you’re feeling particularly hungry or just wanna spoil yourself, I highly recommend the dynamite sausages and the crispy Guinness pork knuckle from their Christmas menu.

Jarrod & Rawlins’ Christmas menu is only available from their outlet in Ampwalk Mall, Jalan Ampang from now until the end of the year. And just like Delaney’s Irish Pub, every order of the main course comes with a free pint of Guinness Draught, and a voucher for a RM12 discount off three pints of the black beer and a limited edition miniature glass freebie for the next visit.
But of course, good food comes with a price. The total bill for twelve of us came up to this much.

First time ever in my life I footed a dinner bill FOUR DIGITS LONG.
Aiya, it’s my birthday after all. Considering the quality of the food, sizable portions, amount of beer and the good times we had, less than a hundred bucks each for all twelve people is still okay lah! 🙂

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Delaney’s is a homely little Irish pub and restaurant tucked at the back of Federal Hotel, KL.

It’s a welcoming escape from the maddening chaos from Low Yat Plaza opposite, which is great especially after you’ve endured endless assault from various credit card sales teams bombarding you with “Siryouwantcreditcardornot?Nowgotnoannualfeeandgotfreegiftforyousir!sir!?SIR?!”

The first time I came to Delaney’s was earlier this year. I was gonna get myself a Sony PS3 from Low Yat, but after balking at the RM1,600 price tag I thought money could be better spent on food than ridding the world of aliens and terrorists.

That time I had the Beef & Guinness Pie (RM25) which I was told is the signature dish of the restaurant.
I remembered it was so damn good I promised myself I have to go back there again. The puff pastry had the right degree of crisp and fluff, and the succulent gravy contained a good amount of mushrooms, onions and beef chunks. It was awesome.

Encouraged by my initial experience there, I went to Delaney’s again last weekend for lunch with a friend I was meeting. He initially suggested going for roast duck at Jalan Alor formerly known as Jalan Kejora formerly known as Jalan Alor. But I managed to convince him to go for a proper restaurant instead.
This time round, Delaney’s was running a little promotion as we were given a separate Christmas menu in addition to the original one.

The Christmas menu was similar to the one we had from the Guinness Gastranomic Workshop I attended earlier. The Kakuni Style Braised Chicken, Fresh Herb Risotto & Guinness Poached Osyter in particular sounded familiar. 😉
Each main course comes with a free pint of Guinness Draught too, which is a pretty good deal considering a pint of the premium black beer usually costs around RM15.

So I went for the classic Thanksgiving meal of a Tom Turkey Roll (RM39) from the Christmas menu while my friend took the Oysters Baked in Puff Pastry (RM38) which was not from the Christmas menu, but still came with the free pint of Guinness Draught nonetheless.

To be honest, we were kinda shocked when the oysters came.

Somehow I thought they were trying to bluff us with the oysters by putting a couple of rocks on a plate. Then secretly laugh their backsides off when our teeth fell out as we try to bite it.

One thing for sure, the puff pastry oysters did taste better than they look. I won’t say I’m in love with it, but they’re not bad.
I’m an oyster lover (literally and err… figuratively speaking) and yet I’ve never seen them done in pastry format, so it’s something different for once.

Luckily, my turkey roll came slightly better presented than the oysters. There are three slices of turkey roll, each came with a bit of pork sausage in the centre and served with generous amount of giblet gravy. The steamed vegies and the soft fluffy chestnut bread stuffings accompany the dish.

The gravy is what made the dish work. From what I understand, it is made from the “spare parts” of the turkey. Although most people will find the saltiness a bit overpowering, it tastes fantastic when you wash it down with a pint of creamy smooth Guinness Draught poured straight from the bar. The roasty bitterness of the beer goes down surprisingly well with the savoury bite of the turkey roll. So very satisfying!
After all the Irish goodness, I couldn’t leave without trying something sweet. So I ordered from the Christmas menu a mocktail called “Rudolph” (RM18).

It’s a concoction of cranberry juice and grenadine. And girls will love this drink.
Personally, I had no clue how girly it is until it came bright red in a fancy cocktail glass. Got cherry on top some more.
It’s too much of a girly drink for me, so don’t order this if you don’t want your manhood to shrink by two inches. Like mine has.

Instead, opt for the caramelised apple tart. It came with a scoop of sweet corn ice-cream and a chocolate wafer stick, and is a great Irish way to finish off a hearty meal.

When when we asked our bill, the waiter asked us to fill out the form and gave us this voucher in return.
We get a RM12 discount and a free limited-edition miniature glass if we order 3 pints of the black beer on our next visit to Delaney’s. Nice!

“Eh friend, can borrow money to me or not ah?”

Delaney’s is a charmingly rustic Irish pub catering towards tourists and the working class who needs a place to dine and unwind while they catch their favourite sports on the big screen. The prices are reasonable, the service is swift and the food is fantastic. I was not let down both times that I was there.
Come here for the relaxing and unpretentious ambience, and say hello to the big bearded bartender who’ll give you a genuine smile and a thumbs up everytime you yell out for him.

Delaney’s can be found at the rear entrance of the Federal Hotel KL at 35 Jalan Bukit Bintang, and is open daily from 12 noon till 1am.

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Dear Steve Jobs, hello and a fark you very much.

Exactly three years ago, I bought from you the first iPod Nano not long after you released it.
That being the first Apple product I bought, I was naturally very excited over it.
It didn’t matter that your overpriced piece of shit carried an obscene price tag of RM1,269 and yet could only hold at most 4GB of music and photos.
It didn’t matter also that your tiny screen was too small to be useful and that it couldn’t play videos when all the other cheapo players on the market (eg Creative) can do so, and more.
All I knew is that I wanted it and I wanted it BAD.

Mind you, I was not your typical Apple fanboi who upon seeing you, would drop to their knees at the drop of the hat, then stroke your shaft and swallow the gravy faster than you could say “BOOM!”
No, I was not.
I bought it because it was a revolutionary piece of gadget at that time because it came in a design slimmer than Mary-Kate Olsen on a diet.

Fast forward to today, 27th October 2008.
My first generation iPod nano had served me well for three years. The hardware felt like it’s coming apart and the battery no longer lasted as long as before, but those were no reasons for me to change my iPod.
Sometimes I get annoyed when my iPod nano ran out of juice during a long flight journey, but I still see no reason for me to change my iPod. The Nuffnang’s Silent Disco Halloween Party this Saturday requires everyone to bring along an MP3 player, still I see no reason to change my iPod.
That was until my good friend Moorey, owner of the best Apple store in Kuching, called me up telling me to check out the new range of iPod nanos he has in store.

One look at it, and immediately I was sold.
Steve Jobs, you bloody bastard.
Why the hell did you manage to make the original iPod nano, already such an excellent gadget, so much better?

First you put in the video playback feature, which I find extremely useful. Imagine how much p0rn I can put inside.
Then, you also have the foresight to build the iPod nano using aluminium casing, which is excellent against resisting smudge.

You must’ve predicted that as soon as people find out they could watch videos on their iPods, they’re gonna put p0rn in it. And as soon as they put p0rn in it, people are gonna have very sticky hands.
That must be the reason why you made the iPod nano smudge-resitant right?
RIGHT?

You took away the boxy design of the original nano, doubled the screen size, made the screen brighter, double the battery life, and made the whole thing lighter than ever.
Then as if sculpting a sexy lady, not only did you made the iPod nano slimmer, you also gave her sweet curves in all the right places.

It is such a beauty I couldn’t wait to bring her home and plug my USB cable into her hole.
But Steve Jobs, you ass, do you know what your worst crime is?

Three years ago, you sold your 4GB iPod nanos at RM1,269 per piece. I was among your first Malaysian customers.
Today, your new iPod nanos has not only improved leaps and bounds, it has FOUR TIMES the storage capacity and yet you’re selling it at RM799.
A freaking RM470 cheaper than the original.
You made me officially iTulan.

Screw you Steve Jobs. You suck!

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This must be the first how-to guide I’ve posted on kennysia.com

When I came back from Sabah earlier this month, I found myself in a position where I had to break into the lock of my own luggage bag.
In my absent-minded stupor, I must have misplaced the keys to my luggage, leaving my smelly post-marathon clothes fermenting with sweat inside my luggage bag. I didn’t have a choice. If I didn’t break into the lock of my luggage bag, I’d be collecting mushrooms from my running shorts today.

What surprised me was how easy it was to break a padlock.
On my first attempt, I managed to effortlessly pick the padlock in just 5 minutes. The only “tool” I used was a regular paperclip that costs not more than 70 sen for a box of 100s.
I’ve made an “instructional” video here, so in case anyone found themselves in the same situation as I was, don’t panic.

Disclaimer: kennysia.com will not be held responsible for any panties stolen from your luggage bags as a result of this video.

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Every inch of my body was lovingly sucked and kissed at Eve Spa.

Unfortunately, it’s not what you think.
I’m talking about the fish spa phenomenom, which seems to be all the rage these days. Three years ago, if you had told me you paid RM40 to dip your legs in an aquarium for some fish to nibble on your dead skin, I’d say you’re crazy.
Other people pay RM40 to go restaurant eat fish, and you pay RM40 to let the fish to eat you?
What is wrong with you?!

But fish spas have invaded day spas across the country. In fact, they are so common place nowadays that people are no longer satisfied with fish sucking dead skin off their feet. Dead skins are found all over the body, so what about them?
Suddenly, somebody came up with the idea of having a full body fish spa.

Eve Spa in Solaris, Mont Kiara is one of the better places in KL offering full body fish spa. It was a hot afternoon and since I had the whole day to myself, I also signed up for their interestingly named Thalgo Seaweed Wrap, which costs RM298 per session.
Ordering a “seaweed wrap” sounded like I’m asking to be made into a sushi. But from what I know, it’s a luxurious spa treatment that normally costs quite a lot in 5-star hotels.
First, for my full body fish spa, I was ushered me into this private bathroom by a lovely attendant named Selena. Inside this room, is a bath tub filled with a bunch hungry Ching Ching fish.

The fish were all extremely happy to see me.
And why not? It is not everyday they get somebody my size entering their bathtub. If I listened closely, I bet I could hear them cheer, “Yay! The buffet is coming!”

Before this, I had only done fish spa for my feet, so I didn’t quite know what to expect. Apparently, or so I thought, I was supposed to strip naked and enter the bathtub. But then, I’m not sure if entering the bathtub naked might bring about some unforeseen issues.
Like, are the fish gonna bite my dick off?
Will I get pregnant if the fish enter my butthole?
And if I fart inside the bathtub, will the fish DIE?

Luckily, all my worries immediately evaporated when I heard Selena said, “Must wear your swimming trunks ok!”
I think my facial expression in the picture above sums up how it felt when I entered the bath tub.
Yes, it was very ticklish. And if you thought having fish sucking on your legs was hard to bear, imagine hundreds of them nibbling ALL OVER your body.

I must have yelled and laughed and screamed so much I lost my all my senses and became numb.
But it was a great feeling. For someone like me who’s prone to mild cases of psoriasis (where my skin gets flaky easily), clearing the dead skin once every few months helps my condition.

With my body fully exfoliated by the fish from head to toe (except the part covered by my swimming trunk), I showered and put on a bathrobe. I was then led by Selena to the treatment room for my Thalgo Seaweed Wrap.
Again, this was my first time doing a “Seaweed Wrap” so I had no idea what to expect. They said it’s for detox and skin-tightening, and God knows I need both of those desperately.

As I lied there on the bed, I wondered if they’re gonna bring in big-ass sheets of seaweed and wrap me up like a sushi.
Thankfully, the reality was more merciful.
A LOT more merciful.

The process started with not just one, but TWO girls simultaneously rubbing some kinda cooling lotion all over my legs, my thighs, my chest, my back. I was in heaven.
Now, most guys in my position would’ve got really excited at this point and umm… starts singing Negaraku. With their head. Downstairs.
Trust me, it was very hard to control myself, but luckily I maintained myself without any incidences.

With four soft hands molesting my rotund body , Selena flipped me over and gave me a back massage so soothing that I literally knocked myself out and dozed off into la-la-land. And I slept.
AND SNORED LIKE A PIG.

Now, for all you dirty-minded folks out there, sorry to disappoint you but there was no “happy ending” in this massage.
What followed, however, was a pretty weird ending.

You see, after the massage, Selena disappeared through the door and came back with a bowl of powdery mixture.
“It’s the Thalgo seaweed powder,” she said.
Of course, it didn’t look anything like the seaweed that I had imagined. But after she added hot water, this is what it looked like.

I know, that muddy green substance does not look very appealing. Then again, it is made out of marine algae you see.
To clear up any doubts that the mixture is made from real seaweed, I took a whiff at the bowl and yes, that strong funky smell tells me it can only come from the sea.

I was told to lie down and Selena proceeded to paint the muddy seaweed liquid all over me.
It was the weirdest thing I had ever done at a spa.
At first I thought I looked like a giant sushi. Then I saw I had so much green stuff on my body that I felt like I was The Incredible Hulk.

But that was not all.
As if I didn’t already look funny enough covered in green seaweed liquid, Selena and her assistant wrapped me up with plastic paper. Already alarm bells are ringing and inside my head, I was thinking, “What are you trying to do!? ‘Tapao’ sushi is it?”

At this point I was starting to sweat quite a bit. But that was not all. The whole process just keeps getting stranger and stranger.
After I was covered in green stuff and wrapped in plastic paper, Selena took up this HUGE aluminium-coloured body bag from underneath the mattress.
She then put the cover over me and zipped me up. Like this.

Then she left!
So there I was lying inside the aluminium body bag just laughing to myself thinking, “OI! Is this some kinda joke?”
“What did I do wrong lah! Did I offend someone at Thalgo and this is their way of getting back at me? Or maybe this is Selena’s tactic of trapping her customers so they couldn’t leave without paying?”

It was the funniest thing ever. I was wondering if Selena had anything more up her sleeves. Until suddenly I felt the body bag beginning to heat up.
It was getting pretty hot. With me inside, the body bag continued to heat up more and more, until it was like hotter than THE SUN.
Okay, maybe not the sun. But my body was being cooked inside the bag and for the next thirty minutes, all I did I was sweat.
This wasn’t exactly what I imagined a “seaweed wrap” to be. I was sweating so much I could feel a puddle forming beneath me, and the truth is, I can’t help but to think that they were gonna make me into some sorta Kenny Soup.

Thankfully, Selena and her assistant eventually returned to free me up from the body bag. By then, I must have sweated out like, A TON.
Whatever toxins that was in my body must have completely flushed out. The best part is, I looked like I just disgustingly shat all over myself.

Anyway, shower and a hot herbal tea later, I was finally cleansed and freshened up.
As strange as the treatment was, I actually enjoyed it a lot. No doubt I can feel the difference as soon as I finished.

Getting painted with seaweed mud may sound like a odd ritual to some, but it was also one of the most effective spa treatments I ever had. Who knew being wrapped in seaweed could feel so good?
I know, because after 2.5 hours of pampering, I walked out of the spa completely relaxed, re-energised, rejuvenated.


And reborn as one giant sushi roll.

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Has anyone spotted this?

Apparently, the 7-Eleven at my local joint has a Slurpee machine that is serving something so mysterious they don’t even know what it is.

Aptly named Mystery Flavour 1 and Mystery Flavour 2, it looks curious enough to stop me in my tracks.
Now, who is crazy enough to buy a Slurpee when they’re not even sure what they’re gonna get?

Me, of course!
Gotta love the Slurpee. This frozen slushy drink is an absolute God-sent during hot and humid days. At just RM1.50, it’s even cheaper than most canned drinks at 7-Eleven. To top it off, it’s actually pretty fun to do-it-yourself and operate the Slurpee machine.
Because you pay for the cup, the aim is to pour maximum Slurpee into a fixed-sized cup.

There’s a special technique you gotta do if you wanna achieve that.
The trick is to put the rounded cap on first before bringing it to the dispenser machine.
That way you can fill your cup up all the way up past its prescribed cup size. And while the Slurpee is pouring, it’s a good idea to continually jiggle the cup so the slush could settle and allow you to fill up more.

The 7-Eleven Mystery Slurpees comes in two mysterious flavours. The purple-coloured one is named Mystery Flavour 1.
It is not bad, but it gotta say, it tastes suspiciously like blackcurrant. There’s almost like a Ribena-like taste to it.

The yellow-coloured one is named Mystery Flavour 2.
Perhaps otherwise more commonly known as mango. The tropical fruity taste is quite unmistakable, but I may be wrong.

Yes, the flavours of those two Mystery Slurpees are unfortunately not very mysterious.
Well, this is all part of the campaign to get people to join the 7-Eleven Mystery Flavour Slurpee contest and cast their votes for their favourite flavour.

Try both flavours, vote your favourite and mail in your receipts before the deadline of 5th October. Because if you’re one of the lucky 1,000 winners, you’ll score an awesome gift.
I hear you asking, what exactly is the prize?

Dunno, because that’s a mystery too!
In the contest form, you’ll also be given a chance to name your favourite Slurpee. And this is where you can get creative.
Whatever you do, just don’t try to be like me and give smart-alec answers.

If liddat confirm sure lose one.

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