As part of our contribution to the HP Future Is… panel discussion, the 5 of us were given a HP Pavilion DM3 Notebook PC each as thanks.

That’s pretty awesome gift just for half an hour of sharing what we think future computing trends are gonna be like. 🙂

This marks the second HP computer I own. The first one I had was a netbook – the tiny HP Mini which still serves me faithfully till today.

I got the HP Mini when netbooks were all the rage a while back. The problem with netbooks is that they cannot do what big bulky laptops can.

Yea basic surfing works just fine, but open up more than 3 windows and immediately the performance starts to suffer. Then it becomes as slow as #yorais.

There’s an obvious size-performance gap between lightweight netbooks and heavyweight laptops. That’s where the HP Pavilion DM3 comes in.

I always like the slim sleek designs HP come up with for their laptops. Although slightly more expensive than others in its class, their laptops usually more than make up for it in fashion and looks.

Case in point: their eye-catching brushed aluminium exterior.

It’s sturdy, less than an inch thick and slips easily into a backpack.

The widescreen high-definition LED (not LCD) screen is a joy to look at, and the comfy keyboards reminded me of the ones they have MacBook Pros that cost 3 times as much.

The HP Pavilion DM3 belongs to a category of laptops called the “Thin and Light”: thin like a netbook, powerful like a heavyweight laptop.

At 1.9kg, it ain’t exactly feather light. But if you’re used to carrying one of those big arse behemoths from 3 years ago, the weight loss is definitely noticeable.

Underneath the hood, the HP Pavilion DM3 is powered by DDR3 RAM and Intel Core 2 Duo – none of the discounted stuff like Atom or Celeron.

The unit I got came pre-installed with Windows 7. It’s my first experience using Bill Gates’ latest money-making tool. Although I’m still getting the hang of the new OS, I quite enjoy its zippy performance. It’s possible to browse the web, burn CDs and watch Youtube all at the same time without having your computer slow to a crawl.

One feature the DM3 has that stood up from the rest is its ridiculously long battery life. Most other laptop’s battery only last 2 hours without charging. The battery in the DM3 is rated to last up to TEN HOURS.

For most other laptops to last that long, you’d need to friggin feed it with viagra!

Of course, the laptop is not without flaws. There is no built-in DVD drive, although it did come with an external one beautifully crafted to match the design of the laptop.

However, my biggest complaint about the HP Pavilion DM3 is the trackpad.

For something so frequently used, HP mysteriously decided to plonk a glossy mirror surface as its trackpad. I don’t know why. It’s difficult to slide the finger around and I always manage to leave my smudges and finger prints.

The only good thing is if you’re a girl, and you wanna put on your lipstick, you can actually use the trackpad as a makeshift mirror.

Other than that, with a thin-and-light design and an extra-long battery life, it’s a great laptop for people like me who’s always hopping on-and-off airplanes.

If only HP could make me thin-and-light and bless me with extra-long life too. 🙁

Every year whenever Christmas comes around, one thing immediately pops into my mind.

The Guinness Christmas menu!

Like birthdays, Prosperity Burgers and how often Kenny gets laid, the Guinness Christmas menu is something that happens only once a year.

It’s sad I know. That’s why when it happens, I cherish the moment by trying as many different selections as I can (the menu, not the getting laid)

Last year I had a ball of a time trying out all the Guinness-infused dishes on offer at various restaurants over in KL. This time round, it seems like restaurants in Kuching are also getting in on the act.

Silhouette is a restaurant and bar located just outside The Spring shopping mall. Most people would’ve seen it before, but few know that it is owned and operated by the son of Tan Sri Ting Pek Khiing – John Ting Rich Man (pretty sure that’s his full name).

John’s brother Bobby runs the Original Car Wash and Four Points Hotel. Just like all F&B outlets under the Ting empire, elegance and opulence are central to the restaurant’s decor.

Everything inside is so GOLDEN and SHINY and SPARKLING. I had to be careful not to break anything here.

Tan Sri Ting Pek Khiing could easily sue my next four generations’ backside bankrupt.

Most people come here to party at night, but few have stepped in to try out the food here. It’s a pity, ‘cos the food here is not bad.

Despite the extravagant looks, the menu prices here are fairly reasonable for its standard – about RM20 for mains and RM10 for drinks. The pizzas at Silhouette are known to be legendary. The hot plate seafood pasta got pretty good reviews too.

But those weren’t what I was here for.

I came here of course, for their Guinness special.

The Guinness Christmas menu at Silhouette features Guinness Beef Stew and Lamb Chop for RM35 a pop. If you order those, then a pint of Guinness Draught is on the house.

The lamb chop looks good, but taste-wise I felt it could do with a bit more sauce and flavour.

If you order it, make sure you ask for EXTRA GRAVY.

The beef stew on the other hand – that’s a WHOLE different story.

This, my friend, is DA BEST. Chunks of beef and potatoes stewed in Guinness Stout make this a beautiful, hearty and flavoursome dish. It’s a dish that reminds me of the ones prepared by the aunties inside traditional pubs in Ireland.

What I love most is the tiny hint of spice in the gravy. Confirm got kick one. I wasted no time gobbling it all up.

It’s closest thing I ever had to the authentic Irish stuff. And it even comes with a free pint of Guinness. How cool is that?

Even without the free pint of Guinness, it is still worth it. But if you don’t want the free beer then let me know. Because it’s wasteful.

Good beer should never ever go to waste.

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This entry marks the finale on my Copenhagen experience.

But before that, a quick recap about what Tiger Translate is all about, and why the heck I was in Copenhagen for.

You see, a lot of alcohol brands often do tie-ups with big name concerts or dance fests when it comes to connecting with the public. Arthur’s Day, Green Room and Artistry, just to name a few.

At a time when everyone else is supporting music, Tiger Beer came up with a different strategy altogether.

 

Everyone is doing music, but no one is doing something about art. So Tiger stepped in and did something about it.

Through a series of art contest held throughout the year, they uncovered a handful of young, unknown and talented painters, illustrators and graffiti artists from all around Asia.

For these Asian artists, Tiger Translate is like the arts version of Idol.

Through these contests, they found a platform to promote their work to the general public. The next step is to invite well-established experts from the Western world to come in and collaborate with these Asian artists.

The end result: an “East Meets West” cultural exchange that translates through their paint brushes onto the canvas.

This what Tiger Translate is all about. Last year, they had it in London and this year they do it all over again in Copenhagen – the capital of Denmark and the site of this year’s Tiger Translate Global Showcase.

On the 19th August, I travelled with 5 artists from Singapore, Thailand, Mongolia and China all the way to Copenhagen.

On day one, we went straight into the studio. The artists from Asia and the artists from Denmark were introduced to each other.

Right from the start, creative sparks were flying when the artists from both continents presented their portfolios. Language was no barrier and the more experienced Danish artists were keen to share with the young Asian artists what they know.

Within a couple of hours, I spotted them working on their canvases already. After all. they had an arts exhibition ready to present to the world in exactly three day’s time.

The only time those artists had a break were during the night-time when we followed the Tiger Beer crew to tour the nightspots of Copenhagen. That was when we had our hilarious incident with the Mongolians, who mistakenly thought the Singaporean version of “cheers!” was “SAMEEEEE!”

My job in Copenhagen was slightly easier. While the Asian and Danish artists were hard at work in the studio, I had a chance to molest the Little Mermaid tour the Danish capital’s most famous attractions.

As I said in my Travel Guide to Copenhagen, the best thing about Copenhagen isn’t any of those places you have to pay admission for, but inside a pub or restaurant where you can share jokes and have a mindless chat with the locals over food and drinks.

But after three solid days of collaboration, it was time for the Asian and Danish artists to put down their paintbrushes and prepare for the Tiger Translate Global Showcase.

The venue of the arts exhibition is Pakhus 11, an abandoned power station a stone’s throw away from world famous Little Mermaid statue.

The crew setting up the place was just as hardworking as the artists. I was there a couple of hours before they opened doors, and I was amazed how they managed to turn a barren building into an arts exhibition / concert hall.

For the young Asian artists, this was the first arts exhibition they had ever done in their career. A lot of them were understandably nervous, putting finishing touches to their art pieces in the final minutes.

It was only when the doors were opened, the music turned up and beer bottles opened that the mood began to lighten up.

Compared to the London crowd last year, the bunch of people attracted to Tiger Translate Copenhagen was considerably more sophisticated. I’ve always heard that Danish people are design-conscious, well-dressed and incredibly sexy. That night, I witnessed that yes, it’s all true.

The chicks especially – damn, they’re sizzling.

The only problem is that they’re all too tall for me. FML.

There were a bunch of things ha
ppening simultaneously at Pakhus 11 throughout the night.

In one area, the DJ gets the crowd going on the dance floor.

In another area, the artists demonstrated their paintbrush prowess in front of an live audience.

 

And then there’s a corner where people can paint on little canvas tiles and hang them on the wall. Everybody can contribute.

Everybody, even if you hate your wife because you are boring.

The theme for this year’s Tiger Translate is ‘Change’. Here are some of my favourite displays.

The Garbage Bin by Danish street artist Clean and Chinese comic artist Song Yang.

A garbage bin fusing Eastern style clouds with Western style graffiti. I’d love to that outside my house.

“The Pass-It-On Painting”, depicting the fall of society values, and the irony that peace and harmony these days are achieved through violence, chaos and aggression.

This 8-metre long canvas was passed on from one artist to the next, which is why it felt kinda weird. From left to right are works by Danish illustrator Miss Lotion, Singaporean street artist Antz, Danish street artist Hrvrk and Chinese comic artist Song Yang.

The art on display are not just limited to those done with paintbrushes.

“My Chair Is Scared” is by Danish installation art collective Le Fix.

They built this art piece out of junks, to tell a story of a living room chair that becomes scared after watching all the negative news on television. The moral of the story: get yo ass out to see the world, man!

Interactive Change by Thai multimedia artist Rom.

This piece of work is simply too unique to describe with words! The guy attached a Nintendo Wii controller to a paint brush. Projected on the screen are pictures of the present world.

Wave the paint brush across it, and images of a futuristic world are gradually revealed. Too cool!

But without a doubt, the two artists who stole the show in Copenhagen are Liv, a Danish photographer and Ulzii, a painter from Mongolia. Right from the start, everyone noticed the incredible amount of chemistry between those two individuals from drastically different backgrounds.

One is a 30-something heavily-tattooed single mother. The other is a 23-year-old student who speaks very limited English.

In one instance, Liv stripped and allow Ulzii to paint Mongolian alphabets over her naked body.

In another instance, she brought him to his church and they laid down on her brother’s grave, forming the symbol of Ying-Yang.

It was so provocative, so intense, yet surprisingly poetic.

This was how Liv described her unusual collaboration with her soul mate.

Three days working together, and she found her soulmate. Sometimes I wish I could understand how artists think.

(Any artists reading this entry, please critique and comment?)

There’s one last thing I really wanna share here though. There was this one blank wall in the studio.

Throughout the whole three days, each individual artist painted their creations onto this wall. One painting over another. Continuously changing the picture on the wall from one to the other.

A video camera recorded the whole process. This was played back during the Tiger Translate Global Showcase in front of a live audience and everyone was completely blown away.

Well, what can I say?

When they said the theme for this Tiger Translate was “Change”, I’m pretty sure that wasn’t quite what they expected. 😉

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If you a single guy looking to hook up, which of the following ‘tools’ would you rank most important when going after chicks?

a) A wardrobe full of designer brands.
b) VIP access to the hippest parties in town.
c) A car.

The answer is (c) a car.

Why, you ask? Simple.

If I got (a), I may be able to impress her. But that’s about it.

If I got (b), I may be able to impress her. But then she might meet so many people at the party and leave me for somebody else richer and more successful.

Now, say I got (c). Immediately I become someone important in her eyes. I get to pick her up, drop her off, and best of all, spend some private one-on-one time in the car with her.

If we go to a party and things don’t go my way, hey at least I got a car to whisk her away to safety. Not to mention, when I’m at her doorsteps and the mood is right (making sure Ne-Yo is playing on the car audio), it wouldn’t feel awkward if I move in for the so-called ‘second base’. 😉

You can’t do that if you don’t have a car. Even if you take taxi, it’d be damn awkward to have the driver staring right? That’s why it’s always a huge advantage for a single guy to have his own car. And how would I know?

From experience.

When I was 17, once I took a girl out on a date in a bus.

One week later she left me for a dude who drives a sports car. 🙁

Yeah, that’s the bastard that stole my girl.

Since that incident, I decided that one day, I’m gonna get my very own sports car.

Of course, that’s easier said than done. Sports cars, or even standard cars that come with sporty body kits generally don’t come cheap. You gotta be prepared to pay upwards from RM130,000 for those.

This is where the Toyota Vios TRD Sportivo comes in.

The Toyota Vios is the most popular foreign car in Malaysia. In fact, the Vios itself comprises of 36% of all Toyotas sold. But for quite a while, Vios owners have demanded for sportier, more aggressive look for their cars. Presumably to scare all the date stealers away.

That’s why Toyota decides to release the TRD Sportivo, the car’s official sports kit.

Since everyone is in racing mood thanks to Singapore GP, today’s blog entry will be a review of the Toyota Vios TRD Sportivo.

Under the bonnet, the car itself is still the exact same Japanese-made Vios 1.5S. With the TRD Sportivo, the body kit is manufactured locally so Malaysians don’t have to pay an arm, a leg and their new-born son for it.

In other words, the TRD Sportivo is a dress. But what a freaking awesome dress it is.

First thing that caught my attention is the spoilers on the back, skirts on the sides and spoilers on the front. All hung low to give it a sporty look.

Taking a peek below, and I noticed all four wheels are fitted with 15″ Enkei alloy wheels. Very the boom boom pow.

Open the door, and the red-and-black TRD Sportivo branded fabric seats greet me.

I can’t help but to put your ass in. Meanwhile, I wondered what the ‘TRD’ in ‘TRD Sportivo’ stands for?

Inside, it’s nice and spacious. The driver seat felt a little bit low, but maybe that’s just the way it is. Either that or I’m too short lah.

I put my hand on the gear knob. It felt good. As a matter of fact, it’s the smoothest knob I have ever wrapped my fist around.

That’s when I realised the knob has a leather skin covering its head. Nice.

I turned the key, started the engine and took the car around for a whirl. As the 1.5L engine vrooms, that’s when the pleasure of driving this car kicks in. Each time I put my foot to the paddle, the Vios accelerates like a beast. I found myself overtaking vehicles after vehicles.

Vios handles quite well. In particular, the electric-controlled power-steering responds very well to sharp corners and tight turns. The same applies to the car’s brakes.

The speedometers and gauges, located in the middle of the dashboards, is a joy to look at.

The Toyota Vios has a reputation of being extremely fuel economy. This one is
no exception. One useful information it displays is how much kilometres the car has run per litre of fuel. I wonder why most other cars don’t do it that way?

All in all, cruising the Toyota Vios TRD Sportivo around town was a pretty fun experience. I managed to turn around a few heads, and even the parking attendant at my workplace kept heaving praises on my car.

And that was when I realised what the ‘TRD’ in ‘TRD Sportivo’ stands for.

The Real Deal.

Fine, it stands for Toyota Racing Development. But still The Real Deal isn’t far off.

Alas, I had to return to the car dealer after my test-drive. Pity I couldn’t use this car to steal some other kid’s chicks. Because I reckon I might be pretty successful.

Not many girls would be able to resist this look.

Right.

The Toyota Vios TRD Sportivo goes for RM90,900 in the West or RM92,377 in Sarawak. It is a good price – a fraction of what one would pay for similar cars from other manufacturers.

Obviously if you think that is STILL expensive, then I guess you can always modify your ciplak car yourself…

 

 

Just don’t blame anyone if you fail to score any chicks with it lah.

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My music playlist is running dry.

I have been listening to my chill out Cafe Del Mar music for such a long time that I don’t even know what’s the latest bands and music that’s been coming out. In fact, when a whole bunch of international artists came down to Malaysia last month, I didn’t even recognize most of them.

Maybe I’m getting old. At least last time I checked, bands have names that still sounded cool and awesome, like Westlife, Backstreet Boys, New Kids On The Block.

Nowadays, they just sounded like poor things that nobody wants at all.

HoobaSTANK? The All-American REJECTS?

You must understand that before last week, the only song I knew from All-American Rejects was the overplayed one on the radio that goes, “When you see my face, hope it gives you Hell, hope it gives you Hell.” 

I thought it means their face is very ugly. And they don’t sound very friendly at all.

So I wasn’t planning to attend the concert initially. Unless I’m Satan, the idea of being squashed by thousands of sweaty teenagers screaming to a band that promises to “gives me Hell” doesn’t sound like something I’d like to do on a Saturday night.

But of course I changed my mind the last minute. Since the whole of KL is going (and I got free passes), I thought why not give it a shot and see what this All-American Rejects is all about.

Well, I went to the concert, and I’d like to humbly take my words back.

I had no regrets being squashed by the thousands of sweaty teenagers, because The All-American Rejects absolutely kicked ass!

They were really really good.

Apart from Gives You Hell, other tracks I really liked are The Wind Blows and the one that goes “I wanna I wanna I wanna touch you, you wanna touch me too!”

Before they finish their set, lead singer Tyson Ritter thanked the audience and announced, “We’ll be back in Malaysia very soon!

The crowd literally went bonkers.

Sure enough, the official announcement came out, and The All-American Rejects is set to come back to deliver their encore performance on the 10th October at 1Utama.

There’s only one catch though. Tickets to the upcoming All-American Rejects concert are NOT FOR SALE! 

None of the ticketing outlets carry them so even if you got the moolah, too bad.

In fact, it would be impossible to get anywhere close to the All-American Rejects unless you: (a) Sign up to DiGi Music for free to easily get one ticket automatically;

OR. (b) Install the ‘What I’ll Do For Music’ App for your Facebook or Friendster. Then threaten all your friends with secret embarrassing photos of them if they do not subscribe to DiGi Music.

Yes, in some countries they call this “blackmail”. Here, we prefer to call it “pressure”.

Of course, instead of threatening, you can always offer to do something nice for them. Clean their car, wash their dogs or give them a backrub. The important thing is, you will get a concert ticket as long as someone you invited on Facebook subscribes to DiGi Music)

Now, in case you’re wondering what the heck is this DiGi Music thing all about. Hear me out. In short, it’s the telco company’s online music portal that tries to make it easier for you to discover new music, create your own playlists and share them with your friends.

Yalah. To a certain extent, it can do that.

However, to be PERFECTLY HONEST with you, they still got a looooong way to go before they make that website fast, user-friendly and capable of streaming music effortlessly.

So forget it. The only reason you’d sign up with DiGi Music is because it’s the only way you’re gonna get your hands on those exclusive not-for-sale concert tickets.

Understandably, some people may balk at the idea of a not-for-sale concert. But think about it. Considering a typical concert tickets cost RM100. Signing up to DiGi Music is just RM5 a month.

Which one more worth it? You tell me. Only condition is that you must have a DiGi number, which isn’t too much to ask when the price of a prepaid SIM card is the same as a pirated CD.

Despite the clunky interface, there is one nice thing about signing up to DiGi Music.

Not only will you get to watch live concerts and attend exclusive meet-and-greets, you can also download any songs you like from the entire DiGi Music catalogue to your phone or PC completely and utterly free of charge.

Too good to be true?

Of course it’s too good to be true lah!

You think everything in life all FREE FREE FREE one meh? The caveat here is that you can play most tracks for up to a month only, after which it will self-destruct (unless you pay for it).

But hey, at least all the latest music from the big names are there.

Not a single cent will be charged for browsing or downloading to your phone. Best of all, it’s available online all the time, anytime of the day.

That’s even better than buying it from your local pirated CD shop. Except this one is 100% guaranteed legal. So donch worry.

 

Police won’t come and catch you one.

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Which of the following men do you think has the biggest pair of testicles?

Is it A) Deepak Gill, from KL, alcohol blogger at thirstyblogger.my

B) KY Teoh, from Penang, food blogger at kyspeaks.com

Or C) Kenny Gonzales, from El Kuching, Mexico.

We heard Frontera Bar & Grill at Jaya One in PJ has the hottest chilli buffalo wings in the whole of Malaysia. So one Sunday evening, with nothing else better to do, the three of us decided to hop over to taste for ourselves just how hot these babies are.

Frontera prides itself in serving authentic Tex-Mex food. It’s as authentic as you can get since the owner Larry is a Texan himself and he imports all the crucial ingredients for his menu directly from the States.

 

Our original intention is to jump straight into the Chilli Buffalo Wings challenge as soon as we arrived at the restaurant. And the challenge is this:

Three men. One plate of the hottest spiciest buffalo wings in Malaysia. NO WATER.

Whoever reaches for the water is out. Last man standing wins.

Thankfully, sensibility prevails and we decided to taste some of the good food here first before sending our tastebuds to Hell (and possibly never getting them back.)

Based on the owner’s recommendation, we got a few of the must-try items at Frontera on our table.

To start with: some lubricant.

A bottle of the finest pure tequila, direct from Mexico.

I’m not a big tequila drinker, so I cannot tell the difference between good tequila, bad tequila and Tila Tequila.

But according to the almighty ThirstyBlogger, this is good stuff, because it is made from 100% native Mexican plant of agave. Cheap tequilas sold elsewhere are mostly mixed with other crap, like the bartender’s piss, which is why they normally serve it with lime and salt to mask the taste.

Indeed, we don’t need lime or salt when we drink pure agave tequila. It is extremely smooth and easy to drink. And with our throats well-lubricated, it’s time to eat.

For appetizers, it’s Frontera’s Nachos – baked tortilla chips, melted cheese and a slice of jalapeno on top. Dip it with the sour cream in the middle, and I’m in heaven.

No doubt this is my favourite dish. So well-presented and tastes so good. Definitely worth coming back for more.

Next up, Chilli Cheese Burger.

Now I know it may not look like much from the photo, but this ain’t your roadside Ramlee burgers. This burger comes with one large beef patty with so much cheese and chilli con carne that as soon as you puts in your mouth, it ejaculates juices of satisfaction.

We tried other items on the menu like the burritos, the taquitos, the enchiladas and the chimichagas, Maybe because I was already too damn full eating all the nachos earlier, but I was unable to appreciate any more Mexican in me. Must return to try next time with an empty stomach.

Now, onto the Chilli Buffalo Wings challenge between myself, Deepak and KY.

Normally when you order spicy chicken from say, Nando’s, they give you the option of Mild, Hot or Super Hot. Over at Frontera, there is one more option: KILLER.

So I took a bite. KY took a bite. Deepak took a bite.

30 seconds passed. Nothing happened. I was laughing.

I thought to myself, this is too ea… hang-on-a-minute.

FUUCCKKKKK!!!

IT. WAS. FREAKIN. HOTTTTTT!!!!!!!

I got tears flowing out of my eyes, snot coming out of my nose, water out of my mouth and every other body orifices. It was intense. For the next few minutes, it was like someone napalm bombed my entire face. It was like Hiroshima and Nagasaki all over again inside my mouth.

As I conceded defeat by extinguishing my throat with a glass of ice cold water, I lo
oked up to see how my other two competitors were doing.

Surprisingly, Deep and KY were holding on fine. Determined to prove their testicular fortitude, neither of them conceded defeat. I don’t know how they did it because I was already half dead. Maybe their tongues had already been burnt to oblivion. Props to them both for surviving the hottest chilli wings in Malaysia without drinking a drip of water.

We decided it was no fun if we leave Frontera without determining a clear winner after that round, so we asked the waiter if there’s anything hotter than what we just had.

There is.

Behold, the Mexican habanero chilli.

It’s one of the hottest chilli species in the world. So hot, it makes the Malaysian chilli padi tastes like Mentos candy in comparison.

If there’s one thing that can set men apart from boys, this is it.

This devil is so terrifyingly hot, even the owner Larry needed much coaxing and convincing before he dared to down his own spice.

There was much hesitation initially. However, boys being boys, the need to prove our manhood overtook our common senses. Before long, each of us were taunting one another, “BE A MAN. DO THE RIGHT THING!”

We cut one habanero chilli into four slices, and four of us idiots downed them all at the same time.

In the words of Arnold, hasta la vista, baby.

This time, not even the best among us can stand the heat.

No words are necessary. Deepak’s face said it all.

 

“Holy shit muthafuc…!!!”

KY looked like he was giving birth.

If he did, I wouldn’t be surprised if a baby chilli came out of his ass. It was THAT bad.

I tried the bloody thing, and lemme tell ya, it was extreme excruciating pain.

My face was numb. I was dripping sweat all over and quickly losing all senses. Everything around me was a blur. I barely remembered walking round and round the restaurant wondering if I could make it back to Kuching Mexico alive.

For the next three minutes, we were squirming, moaning, swearing and breathing heavily. Other customers at the restaurant could’ve easily mistaken us for having a four-men gay orgy.

Everything was getting real ugly real fast.

I saw Larry drank water. Immediately, I gave up and gulped down another glass of water for myself.

KY hadn’t had a drink yet but he wasn’t looking too good either. A few minutes later, we saw him hurling his stomach contents into the sink. I couldn’t hold it myself and promptly followed suit.

The Frontera staff has to don them rubber gloves to clear our mess up.

With myself, Larry and KY literally going down in flames, there was only one last man standing.

Deepak Gill. He da man!

It was a night of chaos and madness. But like any good story, ours didn’t stop there.

Because each of us held the slices of habanero chilli with our fingers earlier, everything we touched after that stung and hurt like a bitch. It was almost like a perverse version of the Midas touch. Instead of turning into gold, everything we touched BURNS.

I rubbed my eyes with my hand, it burns.

I wiped the sweat off my face, it burns.

And then I made a mistake in the toilet when I took my manhood out with my hand to pee. Yes, IT FREAKING BURNS.

The worst part was yet to come.

Next morning as I sat in the loo emptying last night’s dinner out my ass, guess what?

Last night’s habanero’s chili, I was tasting it from my a-hole.

For once in my life, I can proudly say – Yes, I have a burning hot ass!

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The Land of the Rising Sun is also the Land of the Weird and Wonderful.

For years, Japan has isolated itself from the rest of the world. So much so that a lot of weirdness that goes on within the country were never discovered anywhere elsewhere.

I’m not talking just electronically-controlled toilet seats that automatically spurts out water to clean your butt crack, along with 5 different settings for water strength and 12 different settings for temperature when you press a button.

No.

Shopping in Japan is interesting because they sell all kinds of crap.

Literally, all kinds of crap.

During my recent trip to Tokyo, I was in the anime central of Akihabara and discovered that a lot of items so weird, it made me go, “Wah! Liddat oso can?”

You gotta seriously wonder what decent human being would buy stuff like the Infinite Bubble Wrap. (¥798 or RM30)

This is a simulator that lets you enjoy the satisfaction of popping a bubble-wrap infinitely. Don’t take my word for it.

Here’s a TV ad to tell you how fun the Infinite Bubble Wrap is.

 

I don’t understand a single word of what they’re saying. But if I interpreted the ad correctly, this is one device that will literally make you cry uncontrollably.

If popping bubble-wraps does not interest you, then guess what? There’s an Infinite Box-Opening Simulator too!

Guess what? It even comes with built-in speaker for “box opening sound”!

WOW.

Considering the fact that Japanese people have invented so much cool stuff, I’m pretty sure the Infinite Box-Opening Simulator is the single most useless gadget ever sold on the market.

Toys aside, even normal things that we are so used to in our daily lives can come in ridiculously amusing forms.

Like Condoms Monkey.

Until today, I am still not sure whether these are condoms for monkeys, condoms that are shaped like monkeys, or condoms that make you shag uncontrollably like monkeys.

Amusing.

But still, not as ridiculous as what I encountered next.

Beer shampoo!

Ever get the feeling that your hair felt left out when every time you down a icy cold glass of Guinness Draught? Fret not, crack open a bottle of BEER SHAMPOO and your hair will feel instantly relaxed.

Just remember, don’t wash your hair and drive.

But what if you are under the age of 18 and not allowed to enjoy the tantalizing smell of alcohol in your hair? Not to worry.

Introducing, Chupa Chups Bath Powder!

Makes your skin smooth, supple, sweet and delicious like a lollipop. Guaranteed to attract strangers come and lick you afterwards!

At least Beer Shampoo and Chupa Chups Bath Powder are amusing enough for me to wanna buy them. But I realised Japanese people seems to get absurdly excited over simple things as well.

Like this a toy that plays the sound normally heard on Japan Railway trains.

Press one button, and the speaker goes, “Next station, Ueno. Doors closing.”

*toot toot toot toot*

Cute gift.

If not for the fact that riding Japanese trains during peak hours is the single most torturing experience I’ve ever had in Tokyo.

Toys aside, shops in Akihabara do sell a lot of things I’d find plausible.

Like the HDD Media Prayer 3.

Very easy to use. Just plug and pray.

Shopping in Japan is very amusing. But hidden amongst all those useless items, sometimes you find nuggets of gold that may actually impress people.

I know one four feet nine girl who would be very happy to have this in her lunch box.

Yes. a Hello Kitty bento box. Even comes with shapers and cutters to make your rice and vegs into various shapes of Hello Kitty.

It’s quite amazing to see that Hello Kitty is still very big in Japan.

So much so that even the immensely popular robotic Vacuum Cleaner iRobot…

… comes with a Hello Kitty Version.

The world is slowly being taken over by a mouthless cat.

Luckily, this RoboMop, like many other Hello Kitty products, are designated to be for sale in Japan only.

 

It’s not possible to bring it into Malaysia, unless you buy it online from some website.

However, there was ONE ITEM I really really really wanted to buy in Japan. But failed.  I had searched for this item in almost every single shop in Tokyo but still I couldn’t find The Stuff I Was Looking For.

Until I discovered through vPOST Smart Shopper.

Here’s a listing of virtually every single store in Japan I’ve encountered. All the big and popular ones like cosmetic Fancl, clothing store Nissen and toy shop Strap-ya are in there. Language is not a problem most of the time when Google Translate does its job properly.

It was through Smart Shopper that I come across a website called Rakuten.

This Rakuten site is ridiculously comprehensive. It is like the BE ALL END ALL of almost every single micro-organism ever created in Japan. They sell even those exclusive ones not sold ANYWHERE ELSE in the world. Hello Kitty Robomops, limited edition Transformers toys, you name it they’ve got it.

And yes, it also sell The Stuff I Was Looking For.

I didn’t use the site’s shipping service however because it’s freaking expensive.

 

Instead, I got myself a Japanese postal address through vPOST!

It’s a mail service operated by Singapore Post that lets you have your own postal address in USA, Europe or Japan. With that, not only can you buy stuff from people that don’t normally ship to Malaysian addresses, you save heaps on shipping charges when you buy things online.

Rather than having the item sent directly to me, I instructed Rakuten to send The Stuff I Was Looking For to my vPOST Japanese address.

For first-timers who’ve never used this service before, you can qualify for a first-timer’s discount. Next time you wanna buy anything online from USA, Japan or Europe, try out vPOST.

Before paying for it, enter the promo code 094FRVK.

Automatically, SGD$10 disappeared off your bill, and if you’re lucky, you may even get a pair of X-mini speakers thrown in for free. (T&C’s click here.)

When they got my item, I paid the shipping fee and within just a few days, this HUMUNGOUS package arrived at my door steps, containing The Stuff I Was Looking For.

Even came wrapped in a one-week-old copy of the Japan Times.

Wanna know exactly what was The Stuff I Was Looking For that I bought from Japan?

Well, I know I mentioned the Rakuten website has almost everything under the sun. And I ain’t kidding, they really do have everything under the sun.

Because I went ahead and bought myself…

 

A girlfriend.

 

 

Specifically, my most favourite part of a girlfriend.

The boobies.

Yea, just boobies. Nothing else.

 

Unlike a normal girlfriend, this one is very special. She has no legs to go shopping, no hands to slap me when she’s unhappy and no mouth to constantly nag at me to spend time with her.

And the best part is, when I’m back from work tired, I can simply just bury my face in her chest.

Like this.

Damn nice ok.

I won’t even have to worry about waking up next morning to find that her dead from suffocation. How awesome is that?

My girlfriend let me sleep on her boobies. CAN YOURS?

 

If not, then maybe it’s time to replace your girlfriend with a Boobie Pillow, thru vPOST.

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Why waste 2.5 hours watching it in the cinemas…

… when you can watch the entire Transformers movie summarised into a 35 second clip on kennysia.com, free of charge?

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Eh, eh, take a look at this.

 

Don’t play play. PRADA ok!

(Heh heh. I always wanted to say that.)

This the latest Prada branded phone by LG. It’s not my phone, sadly. Just a loan unit that I gotta use for two weeks before I had to return to them.

Three months ago, I was first introduced to this stunning little phone during its launch at the super luxurious St Regis Singapore. I thought that it was too damn unique that I just had to get them to lend me a unit for review.

I must stress that I was not influenced in any way to write good things about this phone. I was given complete freedom to say whatever I want, so this is my unadulterated honest review of the phone.

The Prada phone is the latest touch screen phone designed by the Italian fashion house and powered by LG. It is by LG. It is also by Prada. It is by both LG and Prada.

It’s the love child between a Korean and an Italian.

It is Eurasian.

Being a luxury fashion phone backed by such a big designer name like Prada, I expected the phone will be presented in the most stylish and exquisite way possible.

And I was not disappointed.

Unlike most other phone manufacturers, where the package box is often the most ignored part of the phone’s presentation, it was clear that Prada had put a lot of thought into making the everything reflect the style and quality of the Prada brand.

When I got my unit, I was very impressed to see that it comes packaged in a black leather gift box.

The fine-looking box has nothing else printed on it apart from the the classic Prada logo emblazoned across the top in silver. If I didn’t know better, I’d have thought inside the box was a designer Prada tie or a belt.

It was presented absolutely lavishly.

But that was just the box, and the box was only the beginning.

Upon opening, I was surprised to see all the phone’s accessories packed individually in fine-looking black paper boxes. Like expensive decks of playing cards.

Most other phones just throw in the charger and earphones for you wrapped haphazardly. But LG has included all the standard accessories of the phone, and then some.

(Actually the packaging look like some hotel soap.)

Not only did LG include the obligatory travel charger and ear phones, they went a step further and put in a USB cable, 1GB microSD card, leather casing and even a cleaning cloth folded neatly inside a black Prada envelope.

All these come as standard package of the phone.

Excessive? A little bit. But damn, they sure look good.

Presentation-wise, it’s a 10 out of 10.

 

We know Eurasians naturally look good, and this Korean-Italian mixed blood doesn’t fare too bad either.

Prada has taken the minimalistic approach to the phone’s design. On the front, the Prada logo sits proudly on top the screen, while a slim silver bar beneath it punctuates the otherwise sleek piano black casing.

On first glance, yes, it does look a little like an Apple iPhone. But slide out the bottom half of the phone to the side…

… and out comes a full QWERTY keyboard!

The sliding mechanism of the keyboard is smooth and effortless. It is elegant,  sophisticated and undeniably sexy.

Prada decided to theme the menus in black-and-white.

It may seem like a step back at first, considering the phone is capable of producing full-colour. But I must admit the white-on-black theme grows on me after a while. Certainly, it brings out a more classic look distinct from other phones.

 

But enough about looks.

The question is, how does this unit function as a phone?

Most fashion phones seem to suffer from The Jessica Simpson Syndrome – looks damn good on the outside, but not a lot of substance inside.

Sad to say, the Prada phone is quite the same.

 

Sure, it has most functionalities of a typical high-end phone: video calls, games, web browser, music player, video player, camera and so on.

The problem is, I find the implementation a bit clunky. Usable yes, but quite laggy and not very user-friendly either.

This is almost like the bimbo version of a mobile phone.

To give credit where it’s due, there is a marked improvement in the interface over many of LG’s previous fashion phones. It’s just a disappointment that not even Prada can break free from the wrath of The Jessica Simpson Syndrome.

 

If you’re used to Nokia or Sony Ericsson, the lack of user-friendliness of the phone is gonna be quite apparent. If you’ve used Apple iPhone, then the difference is gonna be REALLY noticeable. The lack of response of the touch-screen especially is a concern.

I rate it a 6 out of 10 for usability.

Still, it’s a whole lot better than the
crap shit that is Windows Mobile.

I wanted to test the phone’s camera. But then, I accidentally found this photo of one of the models taken with the phone during its launch at the St Regis in Singapore.

I think she forgot to delete the photos before returning the unit to LG. But at least it shows you what image quality to expect.

Too bad there’s no Edison Chen-type photos inside the phone. 🙁

Despite me not liking the user interface that much, there’s one unique thing about the Prada phone that I think, sets it miles apart from its competition.

There’s this Prada branded watch that you can separately, called the Prada Link.

The Prada Link is a sweet-looking futuristic watch on its own. You wear it around you wrist like a normal watch.

But what it actually does, is that it also acts as a Bluetooth receiver for your phone.

That means is that if your phone is in your pocket and someone calls you, you won’t have to take it out just to see who’s calling. The caller information will be displayed on your phone, and you can choose to reject the call through buttons on your watch if you want.

Same goes for any SMS you receive. Just read it straight from your watch.

 

Cool huh?

Some more you can show off to people you’re wearing a Prada watch. 😉

It’s a pity you cannot answer you phone calls using the watch. Then again, I figured you might look quite stupid if you try to make a phone conversation with your wrist.

Imagine going “Hello? HELLO? YA, YA!?” on your wrist liddat. People would think you’ve gone crazy.

The Prada phone by LG is cool. But there’s one other thing about it that might put people off.

It’s the price tag.

All these designer branded goodness comes with a hefty price tag to match.

Last I checked, the Prada phone itself costs RM2,700. That puts it in the same reach as the Apple iPhone and Nokia N96.

The Prada Link watch is sold separately at around the same price.

 

But if you ask me, the Prada phone is no Apple iPhone. As a functional phone, the iPhone is still clearly a much better. The Prada phone is essentially more expensive but prettier phone doing what most cheaper phones are able to do.

Then again, this is why it’s called a fashion phone. Nobody is stupid enough to pay extra for its functionality.

The only people who would want this phone are fashionistas who want the style and prestige associated with the PRADA brand.

If you are not a fashionista, then this phone is NOT for you. If you don’t understand the value of the Prada brand name, then most definitely this phone is also NOT for you.

But what if you have NO CASH, NO SENSE OF FASHION, but still want to have the prestigious PRADA brand on your phone?

You could do this.

Just cello tape the word “Prada” over your phone lah!

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Lookie what I got!

I am a proud owner of a brand new 16GB Apple iPhone 3G.

It’s mine. ALL MINE!

It may have been eight months late, but the hype still lives.

It’s a joke how ridiculously crazy Apple fanbois are over the release of the iPhone. It beggars belief how people overseas would queue up and camp overnight outside stores, just to be among the firsts to own this phone. But there is good reason for people’s madness over this phone.

If the chaotic scene at the KL Convention Centre over the last weekend was any indication, then this must be the most desired gadget in Malaysia since like… forever. Case in point, when’s the last time you see a telco company hiring out an entire convention centre just to sell one phone?

Hype aside, this is no doubt the most revolutionary phone ever released in the past one year.

As soon as Maxis they announced the official release of the King of Phones in Malaysia, I was onto it. Picked up my phone from the Maxis outlet earlier this week, and after using it for a couple of days, all I can say is: I am not disappointed.

This is quite honestly the best phone I have ever used, bar none.

Make no mistake about it. Everything about the iPhone exudes sheer sex appeal.

The iPhone is so sexy that bringing my brand new phone home is like inviting a sexy lady into my bedroom.

And opening the box is like undressing her.

As I slowly peeled off each layer of her (plastic) cover with trembling fingers, I can’t help but to notice what a fine-looking beauty she is.

Her skin is white, smooth and glossy. Her curves are in all the right places and perky buttons all hidden away waiting to for me to push. Oh, and did I mention what a real pleasure she is to hold?

I carefully picked her up and laid her gently across on table. Then, like a sexy lady in my bedroom that she is, I proceed to insert my hard object into her hole.

In this case, it’s my USB cable.

The iPhone I got from Maxis was already up-to-date with the latest 2.2 software, so there is no need to perform any software update.

Activation was quick and painless, and iTunes was also quick to import all my Contacts and Calendar from Microsoft Outlook over to my iPhone.

Within minutes, my iPhone is ready to be used. A few more clicks and my music, podcasts and photos all loaded up steady.

I am not one easy consumer to please. On the contrary, I am one extremely demanding phone user.

Never is it enough that my phone can just call or text. I use my device to surf the internet on the go, check my emails, watch movies on the plane, organize my appointments, give directions to hopeless KL taxi drivers using GPS. On top of it all, I want my phone to sync to my PC so all my calendars and contact list stay as one, united.

For a hungry power user like me, the unfortunate fact is that there are very few phones on the market that are able to match up to my expectation and lifestyle. The Nokia N95 and HTC Touch Diamond came close, but still they left a lot of room for improvement.

And then I got the Apple iPhone, which does all of the above and then some.

Like telling me how crap the weather is gonna be over the next few days.

There’s no need to go into detail how dead simple and intuitive the software is because that is already well-documented. The basic functionalities are all there, but then you can add more features using “iPhone Apps”.

On the iTunes Store tons of Apps, both free and paid, that lets you do everything from reading blogs offline.

To chatting on MSN.

To identifying the song on the radio.

To stalking people on Facebook.

To keeping track of stocks and foreign currencies.

To picking up chicks in Japanese.

 

That’s something I’m gonna *ahem* find especially useful when I head to Tokyo next week. 😉

I must say I’m impressed with the touch screen interface on the iPhone. It is easily by far the best I have ever used. With Windows Mobile devices, their touch screens are crap because they’re so expensive and yet so difficult to use.

After using the iPhone for a week now, I ain’t missing not having  physical keypads at all. Most people won’t have a problem with it.

Unless of course if you’re one of those chicks with fake nails so long it’s classified as a weapon.

It’s hard not to like this gadget at all.

Every month, rival companies churn out “iPhone killers” one unit after another. But it has been two years since Apple’s first foray into the phone industry and none of its competitors has managed to come even close to what the iPhone can do.

Sure, the first generation iPhone was crap and overrated. But not the iPhone
3G.

Sure, some features like MMS and copy-and-paste should’ve been on there from the get-go. But year after year, Apple has been adding improvements and releasing new versions of its software. How many other phone manufacturers do the same?

Apple did not just create a phone. They created a revolution.

It truly lives up to it’s status as the most versatile, feature-rich and user-friendly phones ever made. With version 3.0 of the software coming out later this year (again, free for iPhone 3G users), no doubt the Apple iPhone is gonna continue cementing its position as the King of Phones.

There is absolutely no reason for me not to love this phone.

 

There is however, just one last thing I need to do.

I am sorry Soni, it is over.

It’s not you it’s me.

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