I am that guy who hates memes that requires tagging someone in the end, like the recent Se7en meme.
I am that guy who still thinks memes are cool, voluntary ones only.
I am that guy who likes to eat ayam.
I am that guy who, other than being exceptionally good at Maths, never thought I was anything special in high school. I am that guy who lived on an AUD20 a week allowance. I am that guy who didn’t have a mobile phone. I am that guy who didn’t drive a sports car. I am that guy who was repeatedly rejected by girls I liked.
I am that guy who once thought that I’m never ever gonna have a girlfriend because I’m just not part of the cool gang.
I am that guy you kicked out from the chatroom the first time you talked to me because you thought I was being hamsup. I am that guy who talked to you till 7am in the morning that night.
I am that guy you asked to pretend to be your boyfriend, just so you can ward off unwanted attention by guys you don’t like. I am that guy who didn’t stop being your boyfriend since then.
I am that guy who stepped on your foot the first time I met you. I am that guy who didn’t want to hold your hand because I was shy.
I am that guy who bought 90% of all your soft toys. You are that girl who bought 100% of all my soft toys, eventhough I am a guy and I’m not supposed to even know how to appreciate soft toys.
I am that guy who had to put up with you giving each of your soft toys a name, a gender and an identity.
I am that guy who rejoiced when you told me you’re coming to Perth to study.
I am that guy who frequently made you grilled chicken chop for dinner. You are that girl made me omelette for breakfast, at least until you decided sleeping is more important than making breakfast for me.
I am that guy whose life turned into a living hell because you couldn’t get along with my mother. I am that guy who still wished the two of you could be nicer to each other.
I am that guy whose mouth you shoved a chocolate into when I was halfway telling you I’m trying to lose weight.
I am that possessive bastard who broke up with you because I caught you smoking once. I am that same bastard who changed my mind the very next day.
I am that guy who told you I didn’t like being asked to buy you extravagant gifts. You are that girl who smiled as you pressed on my nose playfully, treating my face as an ATM machine.
I am that guy whose 2-year-old nephew you adore, whose 9-month-old niece you dote on.
I am that guy who gave you more silly nicknames than a dictionary could give.
I am that jealous asshole who forced you to stop seeing B eventhough he made it clear that he was just a platonic friend.
I am that guy who rolled you up in your comforter and called you a kebab.
I am that guy who encouraged you to work in Gingin to earn some cash while waiting for your permanent residency to be approved.
I am that guy who got upset when you returned from Gingin a different person. You are that girl who told me you needed your own personal space, and that we should see each other less often and meet more people. You are that girl who told me that, knowing full well I was about to leave Perth for good.
I am that guy who left you all alone in Australia, three days after your permanent residency was approved.
I am that guy whose father passed away. You are that girl who flew in the next day to be by my side, to give me strength.
I am that guy who spent half the time of our relationship physically apart from each other. I am that guy who never spent a single Valentine’s Day by your side.
I am that guy who sometimes wonder if we’re ever meant to be. I am that guy who fear we couldn’t survive this perpetual long distance relationship.
Yet, I am the guy who cherish every single one of those five years that we spent together.
Yes, I am that guy who gave you those tulips sitting on your table.
And on this day, I am just that guy who wanna say to you, “Happy Birthday, Nicole.”
I Want To Go Back To Perth
This was one of the toughest questions posed to me during my “Ask Me Anything” stunt for the Blogathon charity. (Btw, have you sent in your donation?)
(From aunty@uncle.com)
Hey Kenny,
I’m wondering if you’re coming back to Perth, as in “semi-permanently”. I’m guessing here, but you’ve got Australian permanent residency right? I’m just wondering if you are considering coming back to Perth. Or, even to Melbourne or Sydney or Adelaide. Or UK.
I know this is a bit personal. But the main reason you left Perth is because of family-related reasons (I’m sorry about that), but now that everything is settling down, would you consider leaving Kuching again?
As a third person, who doesn’t know you, I think Kuching is not the place for you. I can sense that you enjoyed the (8) years in Perth a lot and it brings you lots of good memories. I strongly think that you’d be better off in Perth.
What do you think?
I just got off from a pretty good chat with Nicole via Skype last night. These days, such nice conversations between us are rare. In the past when I talked to her, it felt as if the emotional distance between us is catching up with the physical distance between us.
Its no secret that I like Perth and I miss Perth. Its difficult not to. Once upon a time, I had a fantastic job doing what I like. I was earning a handsome AUD$40k pa salary, I enjoyed my Saturday nights drinking coffee with friends, and I got to work out at Fitness First instead of Gym Masyarakat.
Of course it is unfair to compare Perth with Kuching – I’m not trying to do that. Kuching is my home, it will always be my home and it will always be the place I return to eventually. However at 23 years old I have a thirst for adventure and a hunger for knowledge.
Kuching would be where I want to be if I’m 30 years old, married with a wife and two kids, tied down with commitments and looking for some stability in life. It’s just not the place I belong to when I’m still 23 years old with all the freedom in the world and the energy of a young bull.
But I HAD to leave Perth. I’d blame myself for the rest of my life if I didn’t. I have only one father, and to be by his side for the remainder of his life is the least I could do as his son. THE LEAST.
I HAD to be here for my mother, otherwise she’d be all alone.
I HAD to work in my current profession eventhough I didn’t like it, nor am I ready for it. I must be lying through my teeth if I said I enjoyed my job. But I HAD to. I was in no position to debate with my father when he was lying on the bed and I was standing there healthily. I HAD to let my father see that I’m helping him achieve his goals before he closed his eyes forever.
Don’t get me wrong, I do not hate my job. But settling down on this stable desk job is what I would do a few more years down the track, not right now. Now that I’m already in this position, I cannot leave. I have to stay and learn the ropes in this business, because the people who are gonna show me the ropes are not gonna be around forever. Its now or never.
I HAD to leave Nicole. I’m not talking about leaving your girlfriend for a few months, come back again and then start living life like a normal couple again. If that’s the case, I can live with that.
I’m talking about being away from your partner, possibly for the rest of your life. For the rest of your life. That, I CANNOT live with. Who in their right mind would want to be in a perpetual long distance relationship? This is not a scene out of The Notebook, this is real life.
The dilemma I’m facing is that we ARE in a committed relationship, but we’re not committed enough to give up our position to be physically next to each other. I cannot leave Kuching, and she’d be stupid to give up Perth to live in Kuching. Don’t even talk about marriage – its an impossibility as neither of us are ready for that. At least, not yet.
The worst thing about this is that when I left Perth, we didn’t exactly leave on good terms (we were in that we-need-to-give-each-other-personal-space kinda stage), and that’s how we ended up in a half-fucked relationship right now that’s neither committed nor uncommitted, neither serious nor casual, neither short-term nor everlasting.
I hated it when people asked me what my plans with Nicole are, and I had to reply “I don’t know.” The truth is, I really don’t know. I asked my mother when I had this discussion with her what’s going to happen to me and Nicole, and she replied “There’s nothing much you can do about it.” She’s right.
Had I thought of breaking up completely? Yes I had. But both of us agreed that its such a waste for a 4-year-long relationship to go down the drain, not because we stopped loving each other, but because of circumstances. That said, I sometimes wonder if the way we are right now that we’re holding onto nothing, if we’re better off seeing someone else than to waste our youthful years on each other. But I relented.
It’s situations like these that made me feel so confused about my direction in life.
I want to go back to Perth so I can save up money to travel to Europe and backpack and see the world before settling down permanently in Kuching. I want to go back to Perth so Nicole and I can live like a normal couple once again.
I want to go back to Perth, yet I cannot bear to do such a selfish act. I’m tied down by my duty to my parents as their son, my responsibilities to my late father as his torchbearer.
Questions Answered
My desktop, before the Blogathon.
I’m proud of what we accomplished.
I’ve sold stickers for the Red Cross Foundation before. I’ve ran in 12km races for charity before. But until Sunday, I have NEVER EVER, in just one single night, raised over RM5,000 before in my life. Not bad, considering my previous fundraising record was merely RM75.
StarMag (The Star), page 12-13, 7th August 2005.
It all worked out pretty well. My entry on Datuknametoolongitis was picked up by the editor of StarMag (an insert of The Star, Malaysia’s most popular national daily), and it was published Sunday morning with my site address on it. Anyone who came to my site after reading that article would no doubt find out about our fundraising efforts.
Its bloody fantastic knowing what I started initially as a hobby turned into a difference-maker for the lives of less fortunates. To Suanie, Peter, Paul, ShaolinTiger and minishorts, I found new respect for you guys. And to those who have donated or helped in the promotion of our cause in any way, thank you – you have my sincerest gratitude.
My desktop, after the Blogathon.
At the end of my four hours, my fingers had already melted like butter and I still had not answer all the questions that were fired at me. When I went to the toilet, I couldn’t even take my dick out of my pants without typing on it like a keyboard.
kennysia.com readers asked the darnest questions. For those who missed it, here are some of the highlights from the “Ask Kenny Anything” stunt.
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From Anthony Lim:
If you woke up one day and found that Kolo Mee did not exist, what would you do?
Mmmmmm… Kuching Kolo Mee!
Go back to sleep and pretend Kolo Mee exists in my dreams. That’s what I used to do in Perth. That prorbably explains why I was always late for class.
From Johnny Bravo and PokerfaceXX:
Btw.. Do you have a Full Time Job? 🙂
Yes of course. What, you think I blog all day long ah? I work in the IT Department of my company. My role is mainly to source, evaluate, procure, and implement IT products.
From Curtis G (aka Su Ku Kia):
Do you have plans to [go to the United States]? Which one(s)?
New York City ranks alongside Tokyo, Japan and Paris, Hilton as top three places in the world I’d want to visit before I die. At the moment, I don’t think I can afford to go to any of these locations though.
One thing that’s still on my not-so-distant to-do list is to spend a year working in the UK casually, travelling and backpacking around Europe before settling down on my professional work life.
From Nadia:
How good are you at cooking? What is your specialty/signature dish??
I suck at cooking. I only cook when I was in Perth. Never in Malaysia – food here is too cheap to justify me lifting my finger. My specialty dish is grilled chicken breast with grilled mushrooms using my George Foreman Lean Mean Grilling Machine.
I’m trying to convince my boyfriend to wear a pale pink shirt (I think it’d go well with his skin tone) but no matter what I say or do, he insists that it’s a sissy colour or that it will be a fashion mistake he will regret. What do you think about guys who wear pink?
The only reason I would wear pink is if the girls like it. Its true most guys think its a sissy colour. But hey, if girls wear bikini for guys to see, I think its only fair that guys wear pink shirts for girls to see.
From Kat:
Do you have a private blog, or sometimes feel the need to have one? Because you obviously can’t put some stuff in this blog, but you need to get it out of your system.
No I don’t. Maintaining one single website is difficult enough for me.
From n305er :
What is your Computer’s specification and how does it looks like?
My baby here is a Pentium 4 2.8GHz running on MSI 865PE Neo2 series and 1GB worth of DDR2100 RAM. Video powered by GeCube Radeon 9600Pro. Sound powered by Creative Soundblaster Audigy DE. Its all nicely enclosed in my sweet Thermaltake Tsunami Dream case. My keyboard is a Logitech LX700 and my mouse is a Logitech MX1000 Laser Mouse – both wireless. I have 4 hard drives with a grand total of 440GB worth of disk space. My 120GB Seagate hard disk went bonkers on me two weeks ago. There’s still thousands of photos in that hard disk that I’m trying to retrieve… to no avail. 🙁
I scratched my 17″ Samsung SyncMaster 710T (with digital input) 2 weeks after I bought it. I have a Creative Inspire 5.1 Digital 5700 speaker set. Yes, I’m a major sucker for the word ‘Digital’.
From 12345:
do u play any computer games?
Nowadays its mostly just a random game on my XBox or PS2 every now and then. I used to play Command & Conquer Generals: Zero Hour online a lot, but not anymore. I got pwned one too many times.
Malaysian broadband sucks kancil’s ass.
From grace:
Where and how did you pick up your sense of humour?
My main sources of inspiration are Perth radio hosts Luke Bolland and Nathan Morris. I also read a lot of FHM, Maxim and Ralph magazines. Reading other funny blogs on the web helps too. 🙂
From TT (not Durai):
Are you more of a good or bad guy in nature? (pls elaborate)
I think (I hope) I’m more of a Mr Nice Guy. I’m approachable most of the time and I treat people the way they treat me – be my friend and I’ll be yours. Once in a while I can be a deliberate asshole deliberately and hurt people’s feelings, but I doubt I do that often enough to be called a Mr Bad Guy. 🙂
Doesn’t it bother you that you already have a girlfriend but still seen “flirting” around with other gals? (because that’s the image that you portray)
I can tell you this: It sucks being in a perpetual long-distance relationship with zero-to-no-chance of being physically together anytime soon. It really does.
Regardless, I don’t think I was being unfaithful when my partner and I have an understanding on this particular issue. I wrote before that our possessive grips on each other is not as tight as your traditional boy-girl relationships. Its precisely because we’re young and the fact that we used to be SO possessive of each other that now, we agreed to give each other a little bit more space to meet more people of the opposite sex that we like. In other words, she can go out with any guy she likes, I can go out with any girl I like. We still talk on the phone every so often.
I find it funny that its NOT my gf who have a beef with my behaviour, but rather the other ppl who’ve seen photos of me so-called “flirting” that were upset at me.
From desperate addict and Kuzco:
When’s your birthday?
27th November 1982.
From NJAPF:
Are girls with traditional moral beliefs boring – don’t smoke, sleep around, drink/club, dress sexily… ?
It depends on the individual’s taste. Personally I’m ok with those habits you mentioned except for one. In a serious relationship, I will never date a girl who smokes. Period. I simply find it a huge turn off.
I don’t think girls with those habits have anything to do with whether a girl is interesting or boring. Its all about the bond or chemistry you share with that person.
Attica Too, Singapore
But I think most guys are hypocritical when it comes to this. Most guys will EASILY be attracted to girls who dress sexily and all, but as soon as they start a serious relationship with them, the guys would want their girls to “cover up” and miraculously transform back into a virgin.
From psiops:
if you could date any of the female bloggers you know, who would it be?
Tough question. NEXT!
XiaXue. (kns, I kena forced to say her name.)
This is bloody tough question OK! I think and think and think and concluded that there are so many great girls out there, and I really don’t feel like answering that question because no matter who I said the response surely will be “HAR!? WHY HER!? OMG KENNY YOU GOT SUCH A BAD TASTE!”
But hey, the keyword here is IF – ie, in a fantasy situation.
I’ve heard a fair share of people who said I look “compatible” with Xiaxue. I’ve also heard a MORE THAN fair share of people who puked last night’s dinner at the thought of me and her together.
Look, Wendy is a great girl and all and I do like girls who are strong-willed, independent and have a compatible sense of humour as I do. Wendy is all that, and honestly I’d love to date her.
“D-cup breasts, round bottom, a 50-cm slim waist and weight under 45 kilograms. Wherever I go, I soon become the focus of the crowd!”
But I’d rather date her instead.
(Siao lah. Of course I’m not shallow enough to think a woman’s figure is the most important thing.)
Face No Evil
KennySia: i have this theory rite
KennySia: everytime i put up a photo of me with a girl, the number of kennysia haters will rise by 10%
KennySia: everytime i put up a photo of me with my hand around that girl, it’ll rise by 20%
KennySia: everytime i put up a photo of me with YOU, it’ll rise by 50%.
KennySia: everytime i put up a photo of me with a topless model, it’ll rise by 100%.
XiaXue: lol
XiaXue: how come mine so much
KennySia: Kenny Sia’s number of haters is directly proportional to how nice the girl and I look in that picture.
A new hater is born after viewing this pic.
XiaXue: people dun like popular people la
XiaXue: simple as that
KennySia: there’s this girl
KennySia: who used to like reading me.
XiaXue: then
KennySia: as soon as i come back from s’pore last time and posted my pics with u
KennySia: the hate comments start coming in
XiaXue: lol
KennySia: now she’s going around leaving anti-kenny messages
XiaXue: doesnt matter
XiaXue: i’m sure there are more people from my blog who ended up liking u, than people who were originally read ur blog now disliking u
KennySia: that’s true.
KennySia: kinda offsets it
XiaXue: people like her
XiaXue: are just flippant
XiaXue: why would u want readers like that
XiaXue: siao one
XiaXue: i also want
KennySia: u got lots eh
XiaXue: i got many messages last time
XiaXue: “i used to like xiaxue, but after she write about city harvest etc i don’t like her anymore”
XiaXue: the most ridiculous was S.H.E
XiaXue: hello?!
XiaXue: i didnt even write bad stuff about them
KennySia: ppl want u to agree with them
XiaXue: i only say that their clothes look like kotex wrappers
XiaXue: which they did
XiaXue: black and white polka dots
KennySia: some ppl are a tad bit sensitive
KennySia: when i wrote about Miss Slovakia’s face looking ‘plastic’
KennySia: she wrote back to me telling me she never had plastic surgery.
KennySia: kns
KennySia: and that kanina Steven Lim left a message on my tag board.
KennySia: asking me to promote him
There you go Steven Lim. You asked for it.
KennySia: wahahaha
XiaXue: yuck
XiaXue: why ur stupid face always got this benign grin one
XiaXue: like those priests kind
XiaXue: must always be caught with a kindly face
My kindly face. And Silly Celly.
KennySia: yaloh
XiaXue: U look like u are about to say
XiaXue: “I BESTOW UPON YOU!”
KennySia: “PRAISE THE LORD!”
XiaXue: “MY BLESSINGS!”
KennySia: hahahaa
KennySia: friend of mine said i have the tai ko (big brother) look.
KennySia: do i really look like someone who’s never gonna do evil stuff?
XiaXue: yes
KennySia: shit
XiaXue: thats why people oppose to u taking photo with spg
XiaXue: lol
XiaXue: if its bigfuck i’m totally fine
‘The Big Fuck’ Joel Tan
XiaXue: poor u
KennySia: yea i am so “blessed”
XiaXue: its not only ur face la
XiaXue: u are not a se (sinister) person
KennySia: thing is
KennySia: i am capable of doing sinister stuff once in a while
KennySia: but ppl dun expect me to do that ‘cos of my face.
KennySia: i look like someone who’s never gonna upset anyone
XiaXue: but u will have people saying u bhb (thick skin)
Now wait a minute. Have I missed something here?
Is there really such a notion that people who look one kind would do some things but not others? That’s stereotype isn’t it? I thought people have learnt a long time ago that looks can be deceiving.
Looks can be deceiving. The Thing, wanking… The Thing, wanking his thing.
“He doesn’t look like the type of guy who would do that kind of stuff.” I hear that a lot. Being born with a kindly face does have its benefits sometimes. I was rarely stopped by the police; I can walk through customs very easily; and people trust me with their babies.
As much as it can be flattering, a lot of times I feel restricted by people’s expectations, simply because of how I look.
“I can’t believe he’s the type who frequents nightclubs.”
“Wah you see he did this and that with this girl that girl so many girls.”
“OMG, he bared his top for the whole wide world to see!”
I can understand where people are coming from. If I look like Robbie Williams and I did what I did, people wouldn’t give two fucks about it at all. At best what I’ll probably hear is, “Ahhh… that’s just Kenny being Kenny, ya know? No big deal.”
The problem is, like Wendy said, I look like a frickin’ priest. And priests don’t pose intimately with girls. They pose intimately with boys.
Feeling dejected, I consulted FaceAnalyzer.com to see if its true that I look like a typical good guy.
Average Honour, average politeness, average sociability, low promiscuity (heh). All in all, I’m pretty much the average joe.
How about the ‘Big Fuck’?
Hail ye Japanese Emperor!
Get this, he’s very polite, doesn’t socialise as much, and VERY unpromiscuous (!). To top it all off, he’s smarter than me, more ambitious than me, and gets paid helluva lot more than I do. This, my friends, is coming from a guy who once posted a photo with his underwear on his head.
Tell me Wendy, who would you rather bring home to your mommy?
There you have it. Looks can be deceiving. I may look like a priest outside, but I’m really a naughty boy on the inside.
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Proof that Ayah Pin – Malaysia’s most notorius playboy with ten wives – is innocent.
How You Know You’re An Addict Of Kenny Sia
Father’s Day
The candles formed a heart shape in the dark. Amazing.
I just got back from my cousin Clare’s 21st birthday party. I might be wrong but Clare must be my only cousin who knows about this blog. It must be about 2-3 year since I last saw her. She has grown up to become so beautiful I barely even recognised her.
Oddly, Clare’s party was also a pseudo Father’s Day celebration. All my maternal relatives whom I haven’t met for a long time were there. At one point in the party, all the fathers present gather around the cake as their kids happily wished them “Happy Father’s Day.”
But my father wasn’t one of them. I envy them. I envy all those whose father is still around. I envy all those who can say to their father, face to face, “Thank you, dad.”
Its been almost 7 weeks since my father passed away on the 4th May. According to Chinese superstition, the soul of the dearly departed still lingers around for 7 weeks, after which he’ll leave forever to a different world.
7 weeks already. Feels like its been such a long time with him not around though I can remember the events leading up to his passing as vividly as if it only just happened yesterday.
Its common practise for us kids to call out “Pa chi, Mi chi” (Dad, eat. Mom, eat) as a form of courtesy to our parents when we have our dinner. The day after the wake, I broke my own heart when I called my father to eat eventhough he’s no longer around.
Its been 7 weeks, and I still miss him.
I couldn’t celebrate Father’s Day with my dad, even if I wanted to.
If I Could Be A Blogging Musical Baton
Oh dear. The entire blogging community is going through ‘meme-mania’ right now. Please excuse me while I go into exile.
Except I can’t. I’m supposed to be whoring for votes since its Blog Awards season. Alright, so I’ll do the memes, but under one condition.
If you choose to send me a meme, then I reserve the right to:
A) Post up photos of you, if you’re a girl.
B) Post up photos of your wife/girlfriend, if you’re a guy.
C) Or if all else fails, I’ll just post up photos of your mother.
Its kennysia.com policy. 🙂
Let’s face it, a long and texty entry can be quite boring when there’s no pretty pictures to look at. Without further a do, kennysia.com very relunctantly and not-so-proudly presents to you this Super 3-in-1 Nescafe Mix Meme entry.
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The If I Could Be Meme
Tilia is a little-known Malaysian blogger who described herself as “technically, every men’s wet dream”. It isn’t that far from the truth considering she’s one “hot little cheerleader” through and through.
What? She’s the one who passed me the meme? I don’t want to play already.
I didn’t believe her at first because the name ‘Tilia’ sounds like the name of that wrinkly old hag ‘Twila’ from Survivor Vanuatu. But I just checked and Tilia is confirmed a real cheerleader.
Here’s one interesting thing about Tilia. Instead of calling her comments ‘Comments’, she called it ‘Orgasms’.
I wanted to leave her a comment, but I felt kinda guilty giving her an ‘Orgasm’ and walk away just like that. Hey, I don’t think many girls would appreciate getting an ‘Orgasm’, only to see the guy head for the shower room without at least some cuddles and kisses, right?
Meet Tilia. Looks like she received multiple comments ‘Orgasms’… on her blog.
So anyway, Tilia tagged me with the ‘If I Could Be’ meme, which basically requires me to choose 5 3 occupations and complete the sentence “If I could be a scientist / doctor / rap artist / CEO of Microsoft / priest / world famous blogger etc…” you get the drift.
If I Could Be A Priest. Then I’ll be staying with Michael Jackson at the Neverland Ranch, baby. Good things are meant to be shared.
If I Could Be A World Famous Blogger. I’d accidentally lose my digital camera, plead for donation, suddenly find my digital camera, then refund my donation again. 😉
If I Could Be A World Famous Blogger, this would be my site.
If I Could Be A Missionary, I’d wondering why I ain’t a Cowgirl or a Doggie.
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The Blogger’s Baton Meme
This one is from minishorts.net
Minishorts is the small one. Not the big one.
The best entry I’ve ever blogged is:
All my favourite entries are filed over here. Considering I got two ‘marriage proposals’ and an award nomination out of my April Fool’s entry, many would say that’s my best entry. I’m happy I made you laugh. 🙂
But for me, the entry I wrote the day I scattered my father’s ashes still affects me the most everytime I read back.
The five blogs I read that may be better than mine:
1) Lainie Yeoh. Breaking every social norm there is to break. If life as a lesbian is that interesting, I want to be one too. Actually I’m a lesbian trapped in a man’s body.
2) HB. Breaking every social norm there is to break, and MORE. Widely regarded as one of the blogging pioneers from Sarawak. My layout of kennysia.com is inspired from his site.
3) Finicky Feline. I’ve only just started reading her and I’d be lying if I say her entries didn’t crack me up. Her “Guys Suck” thread blow my “Understanding Women” thread to smithereens.
4) Wendy Cheng. Because she’s my *cough*wife-to-be*cough*. 😉
5) Scarlett Ting. Because she’s my “other wife-to-be”. In all seriousness, she’s the first person I can honestly say I got to know through blogging. If you read some of her entries, you probably can’t understood what the heck she’s writing. Don’t blame yourself though, her entries are indeed more cryptic than dialogues in The Matrix.
As for me, I just enjoy looking at the pictures.
I know my readers are addicted to my blog because:
OH COME ON! Quit lying to yourself! You know you love me coconuts. 🙂
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The Musical Baton Meme
QUESTION: What do Scarlett Ting, IngHui and Lainie have in common?
ANSWER: Yes, they are all girls. And they all want to see me play with my ‘Musical Baton’.
I wonder if their ‘Musical Batons’ are battery-operated.
IngHui passed her ‘baton’ to me. I don’t know what to do with it.
Total volume of music files on my computer:
30 Giga-fucking-Bytes. That’s 5817 titles, 406 hours of non-stop hits.
The last CD I bought was:
I still wanna sell it though. Hey, I can even autograph it if you want – but I think that’s gonna make the CD go down in value instead.
Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:
I’ve uploaded the songs so you can download them here. Be quick though. The links will mysteriously disappear in 3 days time. 😉
1. Jasemaine Gan – Thinking of You
Jasemaine Gan is a singer/songwriter/composer/blogger. She sent me one of her songs titled Thinking of You in an effort to cheer me up following my father’s passing.
I’m honoured. Of the many things writing this blog brings me, one thing I cherish the most is that it puts me in touch with people I wouldn’t possibly be meeting otherwise in real life.
2. F.I.R – Love Love Love
Its a great up-tempo song to sing-along to. Never fails to put me in a perky mood.
3. George Michael – Roxanne
I enjoy this bass-filled jazzy number by the toilet-incident man himself. One of my goals in life, when I have the time and the money, is to operate a cafe/jazz lounge. If I do succeed in that, then this song will be playing in my cafe 24 hours a day, effectively driving my customers away and putting myself out of business.
4. Corrinne May – Fly Away
What can I say? Its the one song that reminds me so much of my own situation.
5. The only song I listen to EVERYDAY is Oren Ishii’s Theme from Kill Bill Vol. 1
Why, you ask? Its my bloody alarm clock ringtone THAT’S WHY! I tell ya, nothing prepares your day better than imagining yourself as Oren Ishii marching down that corridor in Kill Bill Vol 1 as you drag your sorry ass out of the bed and into the loo.
“Silly Caucasian girl likes to play with samurai swords.”
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Phew! What a lengthy link-ridden entry this one is.
Oh yeah, I’ve forgotten to pass the baton on to someone else! Silly me.
Here goes.
Don’t tell me you didn’t expect this to come.
Alright, that’s it guys. Have some mercy. Please don’t meme me anymore!
Kimm and Mel
I often lament at the fact that I have a non-existent social life in Kuching.
The eight years I spent living abroad meant that I’ve lost contact with many of my old friends that I was once close to. Eventhough Friendster had helped me get back in touch with some, somehow it just wasn’t the same anymore. I regret not maintaining that friendship when I left for Perth. I regret not keeping in touch with my old friends as I gain new ones. If there’s anyone reading this who is about to go overseas, please do not end up like me.
When I was in Perth, the weekend meant hanging out at Moon Cafe with Jacky, Tiffy and others, or the occasional alcohol excursion to Mustang Bar with Dine and David. Now that I’m in Kuching, the weekend meant staying at home having an intellectual discussion with my bedroom wall.
The Mustang Bar – where the world turns 90 degrees to the left.
Which is why when I heard that Kimm is coming back to Kuching, I’m excited. Excited, not because I finally get to meet her. Excited because Kimm practically knows half of Kuching and hanging out with her means that my social life will easily be revived in no time. Yes she’s my stepping stone like that. 😉 jk, of course.
I’ve mentioned Kimm a couple of times in the past, usually as a subject of my practical jokes. I got to know her through Nicole about 4 years ago and we’ve been talking on and off. Actually ‘talking’ is the wrong word to use because most of the time we’re shooting arrows out of our mouths at each other. But no lah, she’s a nice person really – my long-time friend, short-time blogging buddy, and all-time ‘NUDGE’ function abuser on MSN. Man, I hate it when she nudges me on MSN.
I’m so boring Kimm fell asleep listening to me.
There’s never a dull moment when you have friends like Kimm and her sister Melissa around. Probably because they’re never short of whacky tales to share. Melissa for example, once shared with me this ridiculous but true story. Since she urged me to blog about it, I shall do so.
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See, Melissa has (or rather, had) this rather showy friend of hers who one day, for absolutely no reason at all, made a bet with her. The bet was that Showy Friend would lose his weight in 6 months time and if not, he will buy a new phone for her. Melissa, figuring she had nothing to lose, nonchantlantly agreed with him.
Here’s a photo of Melissa and me… yeah, I WISH! My balls shrink when better-looking guys like that are around me. That’s Eric btw.
Fast forward six months later, Melissa got a call from this friend who not only did not lose weight, BUT GAINED WEIGHT INSTEAD. So Melissa asked for her phone. He hesitated. She requested a cheap model. HE SUGGESTED A MORE EXPENSIVE ONE. She requested the expensive model. HE COMPLAINED ITS TOO EXPENSIVE. What the foot?!
In the end, they decided to settle on cash. With his newly acquired credit card, Showy Friend withdrew a large sum of money from the ATM, counted RM700 loudly in front of Melissa and gave her the cash for her to buy herself a brand new Sony Ericsson.
Melissa: “Heh heh heh. Its mine… MINEEEEE!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!”
Man, I don’t know whether to laugh at the absurdity of this story, or cry at the fact that stupid people like that exist on this planet.
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Kimm wasn’t as fortunate as her sister though.
Kimm: “I’m so screwed. Barely two hours back in Kuching and I put a dent in the car. Funny thing is, I didn’t even drive it to bang it.”
Kenny: “Huh? What happened?”
“Well our gate remote control was broken and the gate would open and close for no reason. My dad asked me to put the remote control in the fridge but I didn’t. So when my dad drove the car in, the gate suddenly closed and kena our car.”
“HUH? Put the gate remote control in the fridge? What?”
“Yalah. ‘Cos the remote control go mad when its hot. Dad asked me to put it in the fridge.”
“WHA…!? And that’s supposed to fix it? Why don’t you put your Dad into the fridge instead?“
“…!”
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Despite knowing the two sisters for so long, sometimes I struggle to understand them.
Melissa: “I need to renew my driver’s license.”
Kenny: “You got driver’s license meh?”
Kimm: “I also got driver’s license wat.”
Kenny: “Then how come you don’t drive?”
Kimm & Mel: “YOU ASK MY DAD LAH!”
GAMBs aka KENie aka ‘The other Kenny’ aka ‘The Smaller Kenny’… which means I’m the ‘The Bigger Kenny’. Go figure.
I don’t get it. Kimm and Mel are not the only people I know who own driving licenses but don’t drive at all.
Its a virus-like trend these days.
Kid turns 17. Parent urges kid to get a driver’s license. So, kid goes for driving lessons, kid does the theory test, kid passes all examinations, kid goes home happily with new driver’s license.
Then kid asks permission from parent to drive the car. Fat chance. PARENT BANS KID FROM DRIVING!
Fast forward to 2 years later, kid completely forgotten how to drive. The P-plate license is up for renewal. But guess what? PARENT ASKS KID TO RENEW THE DRIVING LICENSE!
In all seriousness, what the heck? Having a driver’s license but not allowed to drive, is like having an asshole but not allowed to shit.
Man, I don’t understand people these days.
Four Days and a Funeral
What a heavy few days it has been, both physically and emotionally, to see the man who raised me up with leaving me forever. From now on, all that’s left of him is the portrait on the wall, and memories of him in my heart.
A familiar hand on my lap brings a lot of comfort to me
Nicole specially flew in from Perth to be with me during this trying time. Its the first time we’re reunited since I left her on the 1st March. It was a bittersweet reunion – the fact that I got to see her on the day of my father’s funeral. But I’m glad she’s here. Somehow, listening to “One Sweet Day” with her in my arms is soothing to the soul.
Before they closed the lid on his coffin, I kissed my father on his forehead. The coldness of his skin still lingers on my lips. And that was the last time I touched my father.
In tough times like this, even the most unreligious person like me look for signs of God around me. The perfect weather these past two days during the service was too coincidental, as it rained heavily almost immediately after the conclusion of the funeral service.
But the amazing thing occurred as I bid my final farewell to my father at the crematorium. Out of no where, a magpie flew in chirping noisily. I flashed back to the morning before his passing. I remembered how my uncle sang softly to my father and how he said “Get well soon. Wake up and hear the magpies sing.” Amazing coincidence or a sign from God? I have no idea. Whatever it was, it certainly gave me a wonderful sense of comfort.
A magpie flew into the crematorium chirping noisily. Did you hear the magpies sing, dad?
He passed away peacefully. There was no pain. There was no struggle.
I can accept the fact that we all die one day. I can accept the fact that when the time comes, people around me will leave this place for eternal.
I think if we cannot accept the fact that we all die on day, we cannot actually start living.
What I could not accept is the fact that my father left us so early. It pains me knowing how hard he worked all his life and yet he hadn’t had time to taste the fruit of his labour nor to enjoy life to its fullest. Copies of National Geographic in his office are filled with places he hoped to travel one day. That day never came. He left too soon.
Pa, didn’t you still have places left to explore?
Growing up, my father taught me many lessons. Lessons on the family. Lessons about the business. Lessons based on his rich life experiences. I’m sure there are many more but he hadn’t had enough time to teach me.
Perhaps the biggest lesson he taught me following the end his life, is how to start living my life. Be truthful. Be humble. Do not do things that intentionally hurt other people’s feelings. With all that he achieved in his life he has set a high benchmark for me. I have big shoes to fill. Will I be like him? Will I make him proud? When its my time to go, will people remember me the way they remember him?
One thing for sure, I’m keen to follow his footsteps.
I miss him. Emptiness is me coming home and not seeing him on his favourite reclining chair.
Yeah, life’s a bitch, but life goes on. I just have to have the balls to face it.
The Wake
Gee, what a long day it was yesterday.
A piece of white cloth is pinned onto my sleeve
In between chanting gibberish that is the Buddhist prayers, I’m totally lost when it comes to the customs we have to follow. I’m thankful for the many nice people around helping us out worrying about logistics and ensuring everything goes on smoothly while we’re mourning. I’m not the most religious person but saying my prayers certainly helped instill tranquility in the face of tragedy.
Still, watching my father slowly being placed into the casket was the most heart-wrenching thing I have to endure.
Dear papa, here’s your coffee the way you like it. Long black, three-quarter glass, no sugar.
I’m awed and overwhelmed by messages of condolences I’ve received in the virtual world as well as those in real life. It just goes to how much of a great man my father was before his passing and how large a void he had left in everyone’s hearts. Wreaths presented to my father by his friends and families came in by the truckloads throughout the day. There’s so many flowers in our yard right now we can easily start a business as a florist. Believe it or not, this was only half of everything.
The next day, Kuching experienced a severe flower shortage
Alright, I shall leave this entry short, sweet and unsentimental. I’m amazed I still haven’t taken time off blogging completely. I shall reply to comments and e-mails only after everything is over, ok? Don’t worry. I still have strength to carry on. At least I think I do.
As for now, another long day awaits. The funeral day.