Spotted at the Amarin Heavenly Thai restaurant at Midvalley Megamall, KL.
The nice restaurant has kindly provided astrological readings of one of the 12 Chinese zodiac signs, printed on their paper mats on table. This month’s sign is… The Cock.
And somehow, everything just sounded so wrong.
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Possible scenario.
Girl 1: “So why did you break up with your boyfriend?”
Girl 2: “Oh. I consulted a Chinese fortune teller and he told me that we’re not really that compatible.”
Girl 1: “How come?”
Girl 2: “See, I told him my boyfriend is born in 1981. Immediately, the fortune teller said he’s a cock.”
Girl 1: “That’s not good.”
Girl 2: “Then I told him my boyfriend is born on a Tuesday. So he said he’s a fighting cock.”
Girl 1: “No wonder you two always argue.”
Girl 2: “Yalah. Finally I told him my boyfriend is born in September. And he said…”
Girl 1: “Said what?”
Girl 2: “He said my boyfriend’s a soft iron cock!” 🙁
Girl 1: !!!
Strange Pic Of The Week
This is a bit of an old news, but for those who didn’t know – tragedy struck Canada as a lone gunman brought a rifle to school and fired upon its students and teachers.
The newspaper last Friday carried this dramatic picture of people frantically rushing out of the school, obviously in terrible state of shock, feeling fearful of their lives.
I thought the photo published here was a great example of photojournalism. The photo captured the very essence of the moment as the story unfolded. Jeff Ooi and his folks at LensaMalaysia would’ve been proud. It’s as if the photographer was standing right there in front of the schoolyard at the right place and the right time, holding up his SLR camera, snapping photos of visibly distraught schoolkids as they dashed out.
But then I start to think about, and I begin to wonder… WHAT KINDA SICK PHOTOGRAPHER hangs around the front of the schoolyard with his camera, waiting for an emergency to happen just so he could take photos of frightened schoolkids running out!?
Upon closer inspection, I noticed something doesn’t seem quite right. In fact, I think I smell a rat. A big, fat, juicy rat.
Why was she smiling? She looks like she has just finished school and is about to go on a holiday. Hey I thought the only crazy person in the school is that teenage psycopath with the gun. Don’t tell me she’s finding this whole thing humourous!
Wah! Talk on the handphone somemore! Not scared he shoot you from behind is it!
Makes me wonder this photo real one or not. Don’t liddat simply put on newspaper bluff people one.
Really Honest DVD Cover
I went to my local friendly neighbourhood pirated DVD store today looking to purchase the movie Zoolander, a movie banned over here for the obvious reason that the plot centres around a fashion mogul trying to assassinate the Prime Minister of Malaysia.
I didn’t have much luck locating the movie however.
In my desperation to pick up a stupid comedy for a dose of laughter though, I come across a recent flick by Jim Carrey called Fun With Dick and Jane.
It’s a few months old movie that I didn’t have the chance to catch in the cinemas because I was probably too busy with work then. I still want to watch the movie now just because Jim Carrey is in it, but I don’t actually know what the movie is about. After all, the title of the movie is not as obvious as say, Snakes On The Plane.
As is the case with deliberately vague movie titles, I decided to read the synopsis at the back of the DVD cover before parting with my precious RM8. Just wanna check if it’s a good movie, y’know?
Then I read this.
WHAT! It’s not even worth the price of popcorn!? Forget it, I’m not buying this stupid DVD!
My Doctor Thinks I’m In Primary School
Some time ago, my hairstylist told me I was going through the early stages of male pattern baldness. 🙁
The discovery left me quite distraught. I’m only 24 dammit. I don’t wanna go bald! At least not during the peak of my youth.
After some consideration, yesterday I decided to do something right away instead of waiting till my hair all drop off and turn into Stone Cold Steve Austin. For the first time, I went to seek a doctor for help to give my hair some much-needed renovation.
I’ve done my research so I know exactly what I wanted – a prescription drug called Propecia. Currently, it’s one of the few clinically-proven treatment methods to solve my problem. That’s what I requested from the doc.
So there I was sitting in the consultation room. The doctor checked my pulse, checked my blood pressure, making sure I have no foreseeable allergies to the drug. Then he sat down, looked at me dead in the eyes as he went through the list of potential side effects.
Doctor: “Mr Sia, do you understand the side effects for taking Propecia?”
Kenny: “Yes…”
Doctor: “Do you understand that about 3% of all men taking Propecia will experience this?”
Kenny: “Experience what?”
Doctor: “This.”
Kenny: “Huh?”
Doctor: “THIS!”
It was then that I realised the doctor was actually trying to show me something. The doctor was discreetly covering his hand with a piece of paper, while flexing his index finger like this.
I stared at his finger blankly for a good 30 seconds, wondering what the hell this crazy doctor was trying to do.
Then it clicked. Of course! What my doctor meant to tell me (but too shy to say it out loud), was that 3% of men who take Propecia will experience erectile dysfunction!
Doctor: “It won’t be permanent if that’s what you’re worried about. Once you stop taking the pills, it’ll be ok again.”
Kenny: “Yes doctor, I understand that. It’s only 3% lah, so I’ll take the risk.”
Inside my heart, I’m hoping that it’ll remain this.
Don’t worry ladies, I should be in the other 97%… I think.
Then as I was sitting there, I thought, “this is awkward!”
Look, the doctor and I are both grown-ups, and here we are talking about erectile dysfunction using FINGERS?! Say the words “erectile dysfunction” lah, doctor!
I would have thought that’s the first thing doctors learnt in medical school. Their lecturer should be projecting this HUGE-ASS photo of a big throbbing penis on Powerpoint, so everyone could have a look at it, had a laugh, got ALLLLL the giggling out of their system until it actually becomes very normal for them to say “penis”.
Imagine how professional is it for a doctor to go “hmm… your little birdie might not become big bird anymore. :(”
Anyway, I think this doctor of mine must have skipped that introductory class in medical school. That’s why he ended up the rest of his medical career calling “breasts” as “boobies” or “faeces” as “poo poo”. Oi, I look like 6 years old to you is it?
On my way out of the clinic, nature called and I felt the urge to take a piss. But the toilet door was locked, so I approached the clinic receptionist and went, “excuse me miss, can I have the key to the toilet please?”
“I really need to go wee wee.”
Made-In-China DVDs
I should have written about this a long time ago, but I completely forgotten about it until I was looking through my photo archives earlier today.
Remember I was in Shanghai a few months back? The wonderful land that gave us horny parsleys and other bad Engrish has, in my mind, the most fascinating supermarket DVD section in the world.
I was randomly browsing for some DVDs at this huge supermarket called TrustMart in suburban Shanghai, when I noticed that something doesn’t quite fit in. For a start they have a children’s CD section.
Then RIGHT NEXT TO IT is the sex video collection.
Not sure if they’re trying to promote impulse buying, but I don’t think a lot of people is gonna go there, buy a sex instructional video, then go “Hmmm… maybe I should plan ahead and get a children’s CD while I’m at it.”
The thing that caught my attention, was the cover of this DVD.
I’ve never heard of the movie The Lost World. I know Jurassic Park 2 is also called The Lost World, but the cover’s not like that at all. In fact, this one doesn’t even look like a movie.
It looks more like some sorta computer game. World of Warcraft maybe?
I must’ve missed the period when long eyebrows was in fashion.
Then as I continue browsing, I became more and more suspicious.
I spotted another DVD called Crus of the Aders, which is another movie title not many people has heard of.
But hang on, doesn’t the way the man poses and holds his sword reminds you of another more recent movie?
Specifically, Kingdom of Heaven starring everyone’s favourite broom stick – Orlando Broom?
OMG. As if it’s not bad enough selling sex videos in a supermarket, they flipped Orlando Broom’s head and made him ugly!
Blasphemy! Will somebody please think of the 13-to-14-year-old teenage girls!
If you think those were bad, it’s nothing compared to this one.
The thing that REALLY took the cake, was when I saw hot Asian starlet Shu Qi on YET ANOTHER DVD I’ve never seen before.
When’s the last time Shu Qi appeared in a movie that require her to hold a bow and arrow in a 17th century rag?
Or is it even a 17th century flick? Because if you look close enough, you could see aeroplanes in the background of that DVD.
And if you look REALLY close, you might think to yourself, “Hey, I’ve seen this somewhere before.”
And you’d be right.
They photoshopped Shu Qi’s face onto Keira Knightley’s body!
And they even gave her a digital boob job while they’re at it.
How considerate!
Good Bird
Some birds only chirp and fly. Other birds go hard or flaccid, depending on the mood.
Then there’s this mutated bird that can wear cap, pick up a broom and sweep the floor. How cool is that?
Sometimes I wish my bird can make itself more useful.
This, Is Sophia
This is Sophia Loren, an Italian actress.
That, my friends, is what you call the “Look of Fear”.
I don’t blame him. That would be exactly how I’ll look like too if I saw Michael Jackson dressed up in women’s clothing.
Darth Towel Holder
(Spotted at one of the shops in Hock Lee Centre.)
My name is Anakin Skywalker.
Son of my murdered mother, Shmi Skywalker.
Husband of my wife I executed, Queen Padme Amidala.
Father of Luke and Leia Skywalker.
Faithful servant to the great Sith Lord Darth Sidious, Emperor Palpatine.
Once I was the most feared man in the Galactic Empire.
I ruled the Imperial Army with an iron fist.
I was an evil and ruthless war criminal.
A mass murderer.
Now, I’m nothing more than a towel holder.
🙁
Horse Lee
Spotted in the lift lobby on the 8th floor of LiHua Hotel, Sibu.
Horse Lee? What Horse Lee? Who the *toot* is Horse Lee?
Curiousity got the better of me. So I hit the lift button to stop one floor below to have a look.
Ohhhhhh, it’s HOSE REEL!
Damn those stupid vandals.
Questionable Hotel Souvenirs
When I was in KL, I had the pleasure pressure of staying at Imperial Hotel. Despite the regal-sounding name, it’s actually a dodgy-looking hotel located in the dirtier seedier side of the glitzy Bukit Bintang.
As I took the lift up onto the 3rd floor, I noticed the cleaners were sleeping on old newspapers on the floor.
It was quite a sight. I’ve stayed in worse hotels before (in Saratok), but to witness the hotel staff giving you a warm welcome by sleeping on the floor – now that’s definitely a first.
I paid for a Deluxe Room at a rate of RM81 per night. “Deluxe” being a relative term. Anything better than a rubbish dump is considered deluxe when compared to the other rooms of that hotel.
Of course lah, I was being damn stingy. Money is hard to come by these days ya know?
Stupid petrol price increase. And I thought AirAsia moving to the Low Cost Terminal is gonna help make flights cheaper. Why the heck is it called LOW COST terminal if you’re gonna charge us HIGHER airport taxes? Brainless idiots.
Didn’t wanna pay for better hotel since my flight was at 5:30am the following morning and I’d only planned to get a few hours of shut eye before I had to head out to the airport.
As it turns out, my night was spent catching up with naeboo at the mamak stalls in Bangsar till the wee hours of the morning. I ended up spending not more than a grand total 5 glorious minutes in my RM81-a-night hotel room.
What a way to waste your hard-earned money, Kenny. Well done. At least I don’t have to worry about burly transexuals knocking on my hotel room door at 3 in the morning to gimme a “Welcome to KL” from my backside.
One bizarre thing I did encounter in the hotel room though, was this.
I know it’s not uncommon for hotels to offer items from their hotel room as mementoes their guests can purchase. But seriously though, it baffles me why ANYONE would wanna buy second-hand crap from a dodgy budget hotel at prices that’ll make Ikea look like Petaling Street?
Do they expect tourists to carry a dusty torn sofa (semen stains complimentary) all the way back to Germany or something?
Bed spread for RM200. Bed sheet for RM60. Blanket for RM180…
MATTERS PROTECTOR for RM40! What the heck is a MATTERS PROTECTOR? Protect your “matter” one is it? I thought condoms cost like RM1 only leh.
I think this condom must be special one – have LV prints all over it.
I wouldn’t put this up on kennysia.com if it weren’t for those “questionable” items they are selling. Among them…
An eye viewer? What’s an eye viewer?
Fancy a used Foot Mat for RM15? Take a whiff.
Or how about a Toilet Door for RM200?
“Hey Dear, look what I’ve got for you from my trip to Malaysia? It’s a TOILET DOOR! Happy?”
These hotel people are nuts I tell you.