GAH!!! GODDAMN %#*$&@ KNNCCB SIMILAN ISLAND!!!!

My car was broken into last night! Damn tulan ok!
I was in the Satok area visiting a friend for dinner. Barely one hour – ONE HOUR – I was away from the car and I returned, much to my horror, to find the car window smashed, the dashboard torn and inside a complete mess.

The culprit gained entry into the car by shattering the passenger side car window with what I suspect to be a hard object, maybe his head. He sure was hard-headed enough judging by what he did to my car.

The car alarm went off, but no one was around to react to it. My car was parked in an alleyway behind a row of shophouses and we were all in the house talking about the finer things in life like beer, women and vibrating cock rings.

The first thing I noticed missing was my car stereo. I had a sweet Pioneer MP3 CD Player that costs me RM1,500 and now it’s gone. Fucking gone. Stolen from right underneath my nose. What the hell, I’ve only used it for less than 2 years!
What made me even more upset was that my brand new Jolin CD was in the player before it was taken away. I’ve only had that CD for less than 2 hours can!

This is what the dashboard of my car looks like right now. Ripped clean right off from its fixture.
I always take it for granted that no one’s gonna steal my player because it’s not easy to remove it from the car. Last time I tried it, it took me close to an hour. There’s a lot of hidden screws to undo before I can access it.

Screwed.

Never have I imagined that a thief could be so desperate he tore the whole dashboard apart. He went right after the CD player ok!
Dammit when the bastard tore the CD player out, he didn’t just tore away a very expensive piece of electronic equipment. He tore my heart straight out of my body!

Ok lah not so dramatic. 😛 Cheesie did say I deserve to appear on the Borneo Post’s Page 4 Headlines though.
Strangely, he didn’t go for my money, nor the Rayban sunglasses, nor the iPod nano i carelessly left in the car. I count my blessings. Can die straight off if my iPod was gone.

Quote of the day goes to my mom.
Kenny: “Mom, my car got broken into. Stereo gone.”
Mom: “You see lah! You write all these things in your blog that’s why people break into you car!”
Kenny: “Huh? What does this have anything to do with what I write on my blog???”

Maybe she thinks kennysia.com is so popular, even a common thief knows exactly which car I drive.
Our friend did leave me a little souvenir before he scurried away though.

BLOOD!

For a moment, I contemplated sending his blood samples to a lab, extract his DNA, clone an exact copy of that bastard, wait for him to grow up and then WHOOP THAT SON OF A BITCH’S ASS!
I know, I scare myself sometimes.

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Did anyone manage to catch me on Channel [V] this week?

Apparently I was on this new programme called ‘Poparazzi’. They called me into the studios to do the shoot when I was in KL before I flew out to Phuket.
It’s about my letter to Osim I did a while back on their weight loss ads. Well, it’s been 4 months now and I never even got a reply from Osim. Blardy hell, those wimps!

Channel [V] wanted to help me out by making a call to Osim direct and asking them to comment on my letter. I don’t think I’m the only one curious to see what their reply is gonna be.
Too bad I didn’t manage to catch the show because everytime it’s on air I’m either working, in the gym, or sleeping. Possibly all three at the same time.
Would someone out there be so kind as to record the show for me? I do have a tape recorder… but it’s been abused so much throughout its 9 years that right now just a very expensive and ugly decorative piece of shit sitting in my lounge room. I think the replay will be on 10:30am today (Saturday), then MAYBE 3am and 11am on Monday, so keep a look out yea?
In other news, you all should really grab this month’s copy of KLue magazine.

Why, you ask?
Not just because hot Kuching lass Stephanie Chai is on the cover, but because yours truly is debuting my first ever regular column for a magazine!

Wow. Never in my wildest dreams would I imagine that people would actually PAY me for two thirds of a page of my crap.
“Blog Roll” is a column showcasing the best, worst and ugliest blogs in Malaysia. There’s a lot of them here and of course, I’m more than happy to uncover the hidden gems of the Malaysian blogosphere. The lucky first is Jules from x-eyedvision.blogspot.com, an anonymous blogger who I think writes one helluva funny, intelligent but underrated blog.

There’s a lot to like about this guy, such as his episode living with two gay housemates in the UK, among others.
Anyway, there’s gonna be a lot more recommendations from me in the future, so buy the mag and stay tuned yea? Personally I’d prefer them to have screenshots of the featured site instead of just my mug shot. A bit vain right? That’s something I need to sort out with them. 🙂

I tell you, Steph Chai and Kenny Sia on KLue – that’s a double whammy for Kuching! Hell, there’s so much Kuching in this month’s issue they should rename the magazine KCHue.
Then no one will buy.

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There will be no major updates on kennysia.com until Wednesday.

I’m on a much needed holiday break in the tropical island paradise of Phuket, Thailand.

Hey, I deserve this. 🙂 After all I’ve been working hard and busting my baht for the past 4 months. So all I wanna do right now is kick back, relax and have a good thai.
Be nice to each other now.

I don’t go to arcade games much nowadays.
At least not as much as when I was 15 when arcade gaming centres are like religious temples to me. Nowadays, XBoxes and PS2s are around with better games and much superior graphics. About the only time I’d play in the arcade right now now is when I feel like kicking some sorry asses in Daytona USA.

I spotted this curious-looking machine when I was in Sibu earlier during the week.
It’s a Para Para machine. Para Para, is of course, a type of dance move that rivals only the Melbourne Shuffle in terms of popularity. The only difference is that instead of shuffling your feet madly like you’re holding your pee and wanna go to the toilet, you move your arms madly like you’re scolding that idiot who’s taking too much time inside the toilet.

I remember when I was at Mambo Night in Zouk Singapore a few months back, the nerdy college kids on the platform did it with such style I said to myself “Mannn… one day, I want to be just like them!”
Anyway, I decided to give the machine a shot.

The Para Para machine has an octagonal platform with sensors around it to detect hand movements. You’re supposed to move your hands in sync with the moving arrows on screen. And this is how I went.

My condolences to all the mosquitoes I whacked during the dance.

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There’s this pretty nifty application online called MyHeritage.com
What it does is that you upload your photo, and they match it against the celebrities in their database. It’s quite fun. Plenty of people have tried it already, so I figured why not post up my results on kennysia.com?
At first I just used a normal tulan photo of myself.

And I got this.

WAH! I am 54% like Jay Chou. “Mai ko ah neh pa wa ma ma!” Man, I’m starting to like this thing already. I decided to something uglier.
Here’s a photo I’ve taken of my exhausted self in the midst of my 42km race.

50 CENT!
“Waddup all mah niggaz in da hood?! Dis iz fiddy callin’ up all mah homeboyz from K-to-da-U-ching! Ya dig?”
I’m 50 Cent , which is still not bad, other than the fact that I don’t have his “bling”, or his money, or his throngs of girls in bikinis. 🙁
While I’m at it, might as well upload a rare photo of myself. This photo of me looking like a chipmunk was taken some years ago. My face was all swelled up because it was the day after I extracted all four of my wisdom teeth.

And I become Chairman Mao!
Then I decided to try something different.

Yea, that’s me putting on a facial mask.
I was half-expecting my match to turn out like this.

Unexcitingly, I received no match to the database. What a let down.

But you see, I very the smart. If there’s one thing I know about face recognition engines, it’s that they analyse the eyes of the person to determine a match.
I didn’t have my eyes showing in that pic. That’s why there’s no match.
So I did this.

Guess who’s my match?

BEYONCE FREAKIN’ KNOWLES!!!
Which part of me look like bootylicious Beyonce?
At least I didn’t have it as bad as this guy.

Which celebrity do you look like?

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Remember the Andy Lau / Chicken Little comparison I did a while back?

That Felicity took a look at my picture and said that I look like a cartoon character myself.

Which cartoon character, I asked.
She showed me this pic.

Bloody hell!

Is this what you call an “unkenny resemblance”!?
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And then some guy with too much time on his hands made this.

Damn ugly can.

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So, how was your weekend?

Hope you had a good one ‘cos mine was spent on a hellacious 6-hour bus ride from Kuching to the ulu Saratok, which the bus OF ALL DAYS chose to break down on a hot 35 degree day, leaving us having to wait for FOUR hours until reinforcements arrived and drove us to our destination.

Disclaimer: This photo is here for illustration purposes only and may or may not be a true and accurate representation of a Saratokian cockroach.

I’m blogging from the comforts of my “hotel room” via GPRS right now. By “hotel”, I meant converted shophouse located above a local fastfood chain. Any by “room”, I meant ant-and-cockroach-infested pig sty. Nothing says I love you more than a Saratokian cockroach sharing the same bed with you.
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On a different note, I have to say I’m completely BLOWN AWAY by the amount of support I have received so far regarding the marathon.
Initially I was only expecting 2 corporate sponsors max, but I’ve ended up getting much more than that. Heh, I think I’ll go down in history as the most unqualified athlete ever to receive sponsorship deals.

I’ll definitely be donating part of the proceeds to charity. Maybe the National Society of Marathoners Who Passed Out Before Completing The Race. I heard they need help.
Heck, one guy even suggested betting on how many kilometres I could achieve before I pass out/give up. He offered RM100 for every km I reach, or I’d have to pay him RM100 for every km I could NOT finish. I didn’t accept the offer.

Thanks a million to everyone who offered words of encouragement. Sorry I won’t be accepting any personal donation as I have nothing to give in return.
As for the others, I’d reply all e-mails when I return to Kuching tonight yea?
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Food for thought.
Kenny: I’d like to date girls who are carbon copies of myself.
naeboo:Eww… that’s BORING!
Is it better to date somebody similar to you, or someone whose differences complement you?

Over the weekend, I headed over to Rigi Team to have my haircut.

Old hair

I wanted to the a review of the salon like I always do, but Ah Kwang the boss refrained me from taking photos inside the salon. Too bad.
Anyway, the Kwangmeister was happily snipping my hair away when suddenly he made a remark that nearly choke the kolo mee outta me.
Kwang: You seem to be losing some hair in some areas.
Kenny: Whaddya mean I’m losing hair?
Kwang: Here, let me show you.
*brings along a mirror*

HOLY SHIT I AM LOSING HAIR!
This is not right. I’m turning botak at my age. Hey I thought I’m turning 24, NOT 42. Damn tulan. Why am I’m growing hair on my LEGS but not on my HEAD!?
Kenny: What should I do?
Kwang: Welllll… you can put on some hair tonic…
Kenny: So where do I get this “hair tonic” thing you speak of?
Kwang: Funny you should ask, ‘cos we happen to sell them right here!
Kenny: OK I BUY.

Bonacure Men Phytobiogin Tonic by Schw#$%^*arzkopf. RM45.

Kenny: So how do I use this thing?
Kwang: You just squeeze some onto the affected area and massage it in.
Kenny: During shampoo?
Kwang: After shampoo. Oh, speaking of which, you should get some of our shampoo. It will REALLY help with the hair growth.
Kenny: OK I BUY.

Bonacure Men Vitalising Shampoo by Schw#$%^*arzkopf. RM38.

I ended up spending RM83 more than I should at the salon.
Heh. Tell a man he’s losing his hair, and he’d do anything for you.

New hair

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