Author: admin

Questions Answered

My desktop, before the Blogathon.

I’m proud of what we accomplished.
I’ve sold stickers for the Red Cross Foundation before. I’ve ran in 12km races for charity before. But until Sunday, I have NEVER EVER, in just one single night, raised over RM5,000 before in my life. Not bad, considering my previous fundraising record was merely RM75.

StarMag (The Star), page 12-13, 7th August 2005.

It all worked out pretty well. My entry on Datuknametoolongitis was picked up by the editor of StarMag (an insert of The Star, Malaysia’s most popular national daily), and it was published Sunday morning with my site address on it. Anyone who came to my site after reading that article would no doubt find out about our fundraising efforts.
Its bloody fantastic knowing what I started initially as a hobby turned into a difference-maker for the lives of less fortunates. To Suanie, Peter, Paul, ShaolinTiger and minishorts, I found new respect for you guys. And to those who have donated or helped in the promotion of our cause in any way, thank you – you have my sincerest gratitude.

My desktop, after the Blogathon.

At the end of my four hours, my fingers had already melted like butter and I still had not answer all the questions that were fired at me. When I went to the toilet, I couldn’t even take my dick out of my pants without typing on it like a keyboard.
kennysia.com readers asked the darnest questions. For those who missed it, here are some of the highlights from the “Ask Kenny Anything” stunt.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
From Anthony Lim:
If you woke up one day and found that Kolo Mee did not exist, what would you do?

Mmmmmm… Kuching Kolo Mee!

Go back to sleep and pretend Kolo Mee exists in my dreams. That’s what I used to do in Perth. That prorbably explains why I was always late for class.

From Johnny Bravo and PokerfaceXX:
Btw.. Do you have a Full Time Job? 🙂
Yes of course. What, you think I blog all day long ah? I work in the IT Department of my company. My role is mainly to source, evaluate, procure, and implement IT products.

From Curtis G (aka Su Ku Kia):
Do you have plans to [go to the United States]? Which one(s)?

New York City ranks alongside Tokyo, Japan and Paris, Hilton as top three places in the world I’d want to visit before I die. At the moment, I don’t think I can afford to go to any of these locations though.
One thing that’s still on my not-so-distant to-do list is to spend a year working in the UK casually, travelling and backpacking around Europe before settling down on my professional work life.

From Nadia:
How good are you at cooking? What is your specialty/signature dish??
I suck at cooking. I only cook when I was in Perth. Never in Malaysia – food here is too cheap to justify me lifting my finger. My specialty dish is grilled chicken breast with grilled mushrooms using my George Foreman Lean Mean Grilling Machine.

I’m trying to convince my boyfriend to wear a pale pink shirt (I think it’d go well with his skin tone) but no matter what I say or do, he insists that it’s a sissy colour or that it will be a fashion mistake he will regret. What do you think about guys who wear pink?
The only reason I would wear pink is if the girls like it. Its true most guys think its a sissy colour. But hey, if girls wear bikini for guys to see, I think its only fair that guys wear pink shirts for girls to see.

From Kat:
Do you have a private blog, or sometimes feel the need to have one? Because you obviously can’t put some stuff in this blog, but you need to get it out of your system.
No I don’t. Maintaining one single website is difficult enough for me.

From n305er :
What is your Computer’s specification and how does it looks like?

My baby here is a Pentium 4 2.8GHz running on MSI 865PE Neo2 series and 1GB worth of DDR2100 RAM. Video powered by GeCube Radeon 9600Pro. Sound powered by Creative Soundblaster Audigy DE. Its all nicely enclosed in my sweet Thermaltake Tsunami Dream case. My keyboard is a Logitech LX700 and my mouse is a Logitech MX1000 Laser Mouse – both wireless. I have 4 hard drives with a grand total of 440GB worth of disk space. My 120GB Seagate hard disk went bonkers on me two weeks ago. There’s still thousands of photos in that hard disk that I’m trying to retrieve… to no avail. 🙁
I scratched my 17″ Samsung SyncMaster 710T (with digital input) 2 weeks after I bought it. I have a Creative Inspire 5.1 Digital 5700 speaker set. Yes, I’m a major sucker for the word ‘Digital’.

From 12345:
do u play any computer games?

Nowadays its mostly just a random game on my XBox or PS2 every now and then. I used to play Command & Conquer Generals: Zero Hour online a lot, but not anymore. I got pwned one too many times.
Malaysian broadband sucks kancil’s ass.

From grace:
Where and how did you pick up your sense of humour?

My main sources of inspiration are Perth radio hosts Luke Bolland and Nathan Morris. I also read a lot of FHM, Maxim and Ralph magazines. Reading other funny blogs on the web helps too. 🙂

From TT (not Durai):
Are you more of a good or bad guy in nature? (pls elaborate)
I think (I hope) I’m more of a Mr Nice Guy. I’m approachable most of the time and I treat people the way they treat me – be my friend and I’ll be yours. Once in a while I can be a deliberate asshole deliberately and hurt people’s feelings, but I doubt I do that often enough to be called a Mr Bad Guy. 🙂

Doesn’t it bother you that you already have a girlfriend but still seen “flirting” around with other gals? (because that’s the image that you portray)
I can tell you this: It sucks being in a perpetual long-distance relationship with zero-to-no-chance of being physically together anytime soon. It really does.
Regardless, I don’t think I was being unfaithful when my partner and I have an understanding on this particular issue. I wrote before that our possessive grips on each other is not as tight as your traditional boy-girl relationships. Its precisely because we’re young and the fact that we used to be SO possessive of each other that now, we agreed to give each other a little bit more space to meet more people of the opposite sex that we like. In other words, she can go out with any guy she likes, I can go out with any girl I like. We still talk on the phone every so often.
I find it funny that its NOT my gf who have a beef with my behaviour, but rather the other ppl who’ve seen photos of me so-called “flirting” that were upset at me.


From desperate addict and Kuzco:
When’s your birthday?
27th November 1982.

From NJAPF:
Are girls with traditional moral beliefs boring – don’t smoke, sleep around, drink/club, dress sexily… ?
It depends on the individual’s taste. Personally I’m ok with those habits you mentioned except for one. In a serious relationship, I will never date a girl who smokes. Period. I simply find it a huge turn off.
I don’t think girls with those habits have anything to do with whether a girl is interesting or boring. Its all about the bond or chemistry you share with that person.

Attica Too, Singapore

But I think most guys are hypocritical when it comes to this. Most guys will EASILY be attracted to girls who dress sexily and all, but as soon as they start a serious relationship with them, the guys would want their girls to “cover up” and miraculously transform back into a virgin.

From psiops:
if you could date any of the female bloggers you know, who would it be?
Tough question. NEXT!
XiaXue. (kns, I kena forced to say her name.)
This is bloody tough question OK! I think and think and think and concluded that there are so many great girls out there, and I really don’t feel like answering that question because no matter who I said the response surely will be “HAR!? WHY HER!? OMG KENNY YOU GOT SUCH A BAD TASTE!”
But hey, the keyword here is IF – ie, in a fantasy situation.

I’ve heard a fair share of people who said I look “compatible” with Xiaxue. I’ve also heard a MORE THAN fair share of people who puked last night’s dinner at the thought of me and her together.
Look, Wendy is a great girl and all and I do like girls who are strong-willed, independent and have a compatible sense of humour as I do. Wendy is all that, and honestly I’d love to date her.

“D-cup breasts, round bottom, a 50-cm slim waist and weight under 45 kilograms. Wherever I go, I soon become the focus of the crowd!”

But I’d rather date her instead.
(Siao lah. Of course I’m not shallow enough to think a woman’s figure is the most important thing.)

Continue reading

Today, I Am A Saint

20050806-1.jpg

The Borneo Post, page 4, on the 4th August 2005.
I just had a look at how much money we’ve raised so far and its only USD$550. Thanks to all the nice people here who have pledged their donation.
But frankly speaking I think that amount is pathetic. Between the six of us participants, we get about 10,000 daily visitors to our sites combined. If each of these visitors were to donate USD1, just USD1 (that’s RM3.70, the price of one plate of chicken rice), the volunteers at the Hospite-At-Home program would have enough funds to help the unfortunate for the next 5 years.
Anyway, the Blogathon for charity is in progress till 9pm today. Please head over to BloggersAreMorons.com. You can help keep us awake by telling us a joke or two, or something.

Ask Me Anything

kennysia.com was taken offline for about 4 hours Thursday night.

Hi,
We’ve had to block web access to your site due to high loads. Your site had over 900 connections simultaneously and was preventing other sites from functioning. Do you know why your site would get so much activity today?
If you have any further questions or experience any problems, please let us know. Thank you.
Regards,
xxx Thapa
System Engineer
Site5 Internet Solutions, Inc.

Thank you smart arse. The problem I’m experiencing is this – my website is down, and my question is – when will it be back up?
900+ actual people visiting my site at the same time? Impossible.
Maybe the whole of China decided to check out kennysia.com at the same time after hearing what I wrote about their beloved Furong Jiejie.
Or, maybe its the sealions who protested and launched a simultaneous attack on kennysia.com after I compared them to Furong Jiejie AND my readers continued to mistake them for walruses.
20050805-1.jpg
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Today is Blogathon day. There will be no updates on kennysia.com because I’ll be updating over at BloggersAreMorons.com.
Now here’s the deal. The six of us will be taking turns updating the site for 24 hours straight. I’m doing the graveyard shift.
20050805-2.jpg

Saturday night when everyone is out pubbing, I’ll be at home blogging.

I’ll be online from 1am to 5am, posting one entry every 30 minutes, blogging non-stop for 4 hours straight, all in the name of charity.
But here’s the problem: I have absolutely no freakin’ idea what to write AT ALL.
I know its for charity, but blogging continuously for 4 hours is crazy man. Its impossible to blog non-stop for 4 hours, its impossible to eat non-stop for 4 hours, its impossible to fuck non-stop for 4 hours. What the heck is there to write? I can’t even write ‘coconuts’ for 4 hours straight!
20050805-3.jpg

I’d rather watch them dance for 4 hours

So here’s what I’ll do. I’ve seen others did this before and it looks fun, so I’m copying the idea.
Ask me anything.
Here’s your chance to ask me absolutely anything you’d like to know about me, or anything else not related to me.
You can ask me about me, like “What’s your name?” (Kenny)
You can ask me about blogging. “Why do you blog?” (For the love of coconuts)
You can ask me about your relationship problems. “I like my bf a lot but he’s got a wife in Malaysia, a gf in Singapore, a mistress in Hong Kong, a sugarbaby in Africa, a gay partner in Holland, and he goes to Thailand 5 times a week. So how?” (Dump him)
You can ask me about my habits. “What’s your favourite position in bed?” (Lying on my back with the pillow underneath my head and the duvet covered all the way up to my neck.)
You can even ask me about your homework. “What is x + 1 integrated over 0 to 2?” (4)
20050805-4.jpg

Hopefully I’ll have enough content to last 8 posts in 4 hours until the sunrise.

Feel free to post your questions on my comment box or on the tag-board. So long as I see it I’ll answer it. Just to be fair, try to keep it reasonably clean (questions like “How long is your dickonosaurus?” will not be entertained) and stay within a maximum of three questions per person alright?
So ask me anything.
I’ll TRY to answer everything and put them the answers on BloggersAreMorons.com from 1am tonight. I might not have answers for all, I might even choose not to answer some (if I find it offensive or too personal). But at least you might find out a thing or two about me that you might not know, and who knows? I might even find out something about myself that I never realise. 🙂
Go ahead. Shoot me.

Shal Sagan

Shal Sagan is an independent music artist homegrown in Kuching, Sarawak.

I wrote about meeting her and her mate Brandon Juan at the Rainforest World Music Festival some time ago when JoyceTheFairy was in town. Prior to this I have heard of her though I never had the chance to listen to her music. Coincidentally, I bumped into them again at Bing the Coffee House last week. Brandon invited me to come to her gig on Sunday, so I figured why not.

For a 22-year-old, this fair-skinned beauty sure has accomplished a lot for herself. Shal Sagan has got some serious talent and I mean that in every sense of the word.
Get this – Shal doesn’t just sing. She wrote all her songs, composed all her songs, plays lead guitar, co-produced them, and on top of all that, started her own record label Shzogawa Records to distribute her music. And she did all these when she was just 21 years old.
When I was 21, I was still sitting in front of my computer play The Sims.

The gig was held at Somerset Gateway as part of a charity carnival. The bands performing that day were great but too bad the event was poorly organised. For some silly reason the organisers put the stage right in front of entrance to the condomnium, which means every now and then you get residents walking behind the performers to get to their suite, as you’ll see in the video clips later. Its very annoying.

It’s then Shal Sagan’s turn to go up there and do her thing as I readied my digital cameras and did my thing.
Halfway through her performance, I encountered a Freaky Fan Incident. Yes, I encountered it, not her.

A middle-aged man in his 40s or so (shown in this picture here) emerged from inside the building, walked past the stage and handed me a small folded note.

I looked at him quizzically and he smiled at me before walking away.
Now I don’t know if he’s the one reading my blog, or if he’s just playing messenger and passed me the note from someone else. But, guys! If you do happen to bump into me, there are less freaky ways to let me know you’re kennysia.com reader you know? Like, for example, “Hi Kenny, I read your blog. Nice to meet you!”

That guitarist bears an uncanny resemblance to Linus Chung from the movie Sepet.

Anyway, back to Shal Sagan.
Shal and band performed 4 songs from her debut album. They opened with Death’s Fatal Kiss and finished with a Green Day/Good Charlotte-inspired Newsflash, both of them uptempo rock tracks. In between, she sang a slow alternative track Message in a Bottle (think Smashing Pumpkins) and ballad track Just Fine, my favourite song from her album.

“These chicks don’t even know the name of my band… But they’re all on me like they wanna hold hands…”

Shal Sagan sounds a lot better live than my camera can apperciate, but here are the videos anyway (in MOV format, Quicktime Player required).
Death’s Fatal Kiss video
Just Fine video
Message in a Bottle video
Newsflash video
Samples of her songs can be downloaded from CD Baby. Pay attention and reflect on the lyrics as they are often the best parts to her songs.

Shal Sagan, Kuching’s Rock Princess and Kenny Sia, Kuching’s Rock.

Shal Sagan was nice enough to give me a copy of her CD. To show her my appreciation, I created for her a music video of her song ‘Just Fine’. Try to spot my Freaky Fan in there.
Download music video of Just Fine, crappily produced by kennysia.com
Low Res (17MB, WMV)
Hi Res (33MB, WMV)
Hi Res (alternate link) (33MB, WMV)
If you like what you hear, you can purchase her album from Tower Records if you’re in Malaysia, buy online through CD Baby, or just e-mail Shzogawa Records directly at orders@shalsagan.net.
Support our local indie music industry. 🙂

Kenny Sia Replies To Furong Jiejie

I hate disclaimers, but since people insist…
Disclaimer: This entry was initially written under the assumption that Furong Jiejie had a part in the writing those entries on her English blog that attacked XiaXue and insinuated that I sent her those photos. This entry was written in response to those actions.
There is no concrete proof to conclude either she has or doesn’t have a part in her English blog. There is a possibility her English blog is a work of an impersonator. Her original Chinese entries on Tsinghua and Beijing Universities’ BBS are still not available. From newspaper reports, it is clear that her new blog on BlogChina.com is NOTHING like her old entries on BBS.
I repeat, this entry was originally written under the assumption Furong Jiejie had a part in the writing those entries. An assumption valid at the time of writing.
kennysia.com is not responsible for ANY comments not made by him on his entries or on his tag-board.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
If you don’t know who Furong Jiejie is, apparently she is mainland China’s biggest internet celebrity. Biggest ego, that is.
20050803-1.gif
This delusional 28-year-old peasant from the Shaanxi province gained notoriety on the internet after posting so-called “provocative” photos of herself on Tsinghua and Beijing universities’ bulletin boards almost daily. Accompanying those vomit-inducing photos are descriptions like “To men, I am the sweetest flower. They love to drink my nectars.” *read in chinky PRC accent*.
Furong Jiejie claims she’s under 45kg. I think that’s probably just the skin on her face.

Nobody, not even sociology experts, can explain why she is so popular. At first glance I thought she’s somewhat of a lame joke. How could someone like HER turned into China’s most talked about internet persona? She is a little bit like me. Not only is her writing a piece of shit, her face is a piece of shit too.

Would you like to drink my nectars?

Yet, each day hundreds and thousands of people from the second largest internet-using nation in the world log on to those sites to see Furong Jiejie make a complete and utter fool out of herself. Rampant opium use in China the last millenia must have fucked up their brains worse than I thought.

Watch my picture and desire me in your mind-heart. How good I feel with you.I know you desire me.”

Furong Jiejie’s vanity and narcissistic streak earned her constant comparison to XiaXue. To me, the difference between them is just too obvious.
– XiaXue makes it clear she’s joking. Furong Jiejie shows no signs of that.
– XiaXue is at least sometimes funny. Furong Jiejie is just… sad.
– XiaXue looks above average. Furong Jiejie is an insult to the word ‘ugly’.
But make no mistake about it, Furong Jiejie IS indeed the most talked about Chinese blogger on the Internet.
I searched “Kenny Sia” on Google and I got 26,900 hits.
I searched “XiaXue” on Google and I got 87,800 hits.
I searched “芙蓉姐姐” (Furong Jiejie’s Chinese name) on Google.
685,000 freakin’ hits.

Camel Toe sighted in China

What’s more? Movie studios are seeking after her. The Chinese government wants to ban her. Fan/hate sites continue to mushroom all over the internet. Furong Jiejie’s ascension to fame is as staggering as it is mind-boggling.
Just last month, Furong Jiejie started her English ENGRISH blog site. It isn’t doing as well as her Chinese-language sites. Lately, she’s been seen trolling around the Singaporean blogosphere in an obvious loserish attempt to gain hits from outside China. She made her first move by challenging XiaXue on her blog.

XiaXue, of course, didn’t budge an inch. Why should she waste her precious blogging time on someone like her?
Then out of the sudden for some obscure reason, I came into the picture. Original link here.

THAT BITCH HAD THE AUDACITY TO CLAIM THAT I SENT TOPLESS PHOTOS OF XIAXUE TO HER!
I don’t even have topless photos of XiaXue lah! Even if I have, what makes you think I’ll simply send them out to you? Must pay money one you know?
GAN that Furong cheebye! THE NERVES!
So, I happily angrily clicked on the link because I wanna see XiaXue topless to see if what she said is true. To my absolute disappointment amusement, this picture popped up instead.

I laughed so hard my left coconut fell. That’s SarongPartyGirl, not XiaXue lah!
As soon as I saw that pic, two thoughts crossed my mind simultaneously.
1. Poor SarongPartyGirl. She can’t even drink a glass of milk properly without spilling it all over herself.
2. Poor Wendy Cheng. This is the SECOND TIME people mistaken SarongPartyGirl for her.

Remember THIS?

There’s only one clear thing coming out of that post: Furong Jiejie is riding on Xiaxue’s popularity like she wants me to ride her “like donkey in my brain”.
The worst thing is, Furong Jiejie wants ME to print out this picture and hang it over my bed tonight.


Excuse me while I vomit my dinner out.
Ugh.
I don’t know what to say.
Thank you Furong Jiejie for your “sexy picture”.
But I’d rather hang this picture over my bed tonight instead.

Continue reading

Kuching Festival Fair 2005

The Kuching Festival Fair is a month-long food, trade and cultural fair held annually at the Dewan Masyarakat (Civic Hall).

The event has been going on 17 years now. I remember I used to attend the event as a kid together with my late grandmother. I vaguely recall the dimly lit footpath, the wide range of local food, the hustle and bustle of the crowd that’s so characteristic of the Festival.

But that was 10 years ago. For 8 of those years I’ve been attending the very boring and expensive Perth Royal Show instead, so when I heard about the Kuching Festival happening I dragged my saliva-soaked ass there as soon as I could.

“Can cut food. Can cut wood. Can cut brick. RM20 for one, buy two get one free. CHEAP!”

The fair at the Dewan Masyarakat comprised of a food fair, a trade fair and a forgettable garden show. There’s also a stage for performances, but those performances are more like visual and aural torture for me.

He’s so hungry he could eat a microphone.

They actually introduced this guy as Kuching’s Dong Li Huo Che aka Kuching Train Station. Hopeless!
The trade show is very typical. Blenders, cleaning agents, blenders, knives, blenders, CD repairer kits, blenders, blenders, more blenders… However, I did notice a few interesting items on display, such as the most kiasu hi-fi system in the whole world…

Don’t play play, Mercedes hi-fi system. Pay RM1,500 for this set and boom your neighbour away.

A model recruitment agency…

The competition between modelling agencies just got a whole lot… bigger.

Ah Lian fashion at its best…

Guess? What Guess? We have GUEES!

There’s a lot of stalls whoring credit cards, all offering free annual fee, free gifts, free entries to competitions and so on.

Sometimes you wonder how they actually make money off credit cards.

I signed up with all of them and bagged their free gifts just for fun. Let’s see how many credit cards I’ll have after 3 weeks.

If this guy sold peanuts in Singapore, he’d be a freakin’ BILLIONAIRE right now.

The main attraction of the event is obviously, the food. I wasn’t disappointed. By my estimation there’s probably about 200 food stalls and 1,000 different menu items, all at very reasonable prices.

“Help! My food is on fire!” – Man cooking oyster omelette (‘Orh Chien’)

Let’s take a tour and look at what’s on menu shall we?

This is salad yew-tiaw. Yew-tiaw is some sort of deep-fried bread that’s crispy on the outside and soft on the inside. This version here has sesame seed sprinkled on top and is served with mayonnaise. Its good, though its not the best.
The best one is right here.

Yew Tiaw also got king one.

Declaring themselves ‘king’ in front of 200 other stalls is a pretty bold move. They’d better be able back it up. And lucky for them, they did.
JUST TAKE A LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT THING.

HOLY MOLLY! Those yew tiaw are almost as big as my dickonosaurus! But mine is still bigger okay.

Kuching sio bee enjoying a sauna.

This is sio-bee in Hokkien or siew-mai in Cantonese. Its warm and savoury. Its not unlike the sio-bee you can find in dim sum restaurants all over the world. Personally I think those are a little too soggy for my liking.
I think Kuching’s sio-bee is still the best, and Kuching’s best sio-bee by de facto is at the Open Air Markets. People here watch them grow from a humble dirty little stall infested with rodents, into a successful franchise they are today selling sio-bee all over Kuching. For them, next stop, THE WORLD.

I thought this signboard is a little bit mean. How could they make it look as if the lamb is there enjoying a nice hot bath? So wrong.

Everybody loves coconuts.

I couldn’t resist photoshopping ‘Wong Lee Hom’ onto the menu.

More local favourites. Belacan Bee Hoon (or ‘Mehoom’ in that picture) is one of my favourite Kuching dish. Its rice vermicelli soaked in a Malaysian prawn-based soup and paste called ‘Belacan’. So smelly, yet so tasty.

Fancy some camel or ostrich burger?

To be honest, I don’t know how the hell they could come up with stuff like these. I don’t think anyone knows what camel or ostrich meat tastes like anyway, so even if they put bullshit in there can call it ostrich burger, people are still gonna eat it.

Before he was turned into food, Willy the Wealthy Chicken owned five nests, three barns and eight hens.

Wealthy chicken. Heh! This proves one thing correct. It doesn’t matter how much money you have – if you’re chicken, you’re dinner, baby.

Spiderman’s latest victims.

These are actually called ‘Emperor Dragon Whisker Sweet’. I swear it sounds a lot more elegant in Chinese (Long Xu Tang). They taste like soft Australian nougats, except there’s granules of peanuts in there. Sweet, sticky and delicious.

Malaysian satays. An eternal favourite worldwide.

Jeff Ooi‘s little birds went to Thailand and never came back.

This is fried ice-cream. I have no idea how they did it, but they managed to deep fry a scoop of ice-cream without making it melt. The result is an ice-cream with a warm outercrust and an icy cold inside. Only RM1.50. Its heavenly.
Too bad you cannot print it out and eat it.

This is a dish with a fun name called Chee Cheong Fun. Chee Cheong in Mandarin means ‘Go clubbing’. So this dish sounds like ‘Go clubbing very fun’. In reality its just some boring prawns wrapped by very thin steamed skins. Nothing fancy about it.

Barbequed sting rays at only RM25 per kilo. You choose the size and portion of the sting ray, they barbeque it, served on a piece of banana leaf over sambal and lime. It’ll turn out like this.

Its spicy and sour at the same time. I had this for dinner.

This is lok-lok. They’re basically fish balls and other stuff skewed on a satay stick. You can have them cooked in hot water or deep fried, then served with your choice of chilli, oyster, or satay sauce. Its yummy.
Please don’t lick your computer screen.

I spent less than RM20 that night and I had such a total feast I need to roll myself back to my own car. There’s so much food to try, its truly gonna take one whole month for me to fully sample each and every one of them.
Note to self: Postpone diet plan till end of August.
Alright I’m done. You may wipe your drool off your computer monitor now. 😉

Continue reading

A Practical Joke Gone Wrong

Update #1: Curtis replied.
Update #2: ‘Su Ku Kia’ in my language means ‘Silly Boy’. Nothing malicious. Something 8-year-old kids would use to insult each other.
Curtis Gropp has been following my blog for quite some time now. He’s always faithfully leaving comments eventhough he’s one of those who falls outside the category of “kennysia.com‘s expected audience”.
I used to be naive enough to believe that the average kennysia.com reader is likely to from Malaysia, Chinese, and somewhere between 15 to 35 years old. But after learning that even my stupid blog was routinely mentioned in Harvard University’s Global Voices Online, I think I’ll believe in just about anything.
20050730-1.jpg
Curtis is nothing like my stereotypical kennysia.com reader. He is 39 years old, an ang moh, hails from Huntington Beach, California, a proud and patriotic American, a former marine, and apparently a Hong-Kong action movie aficionado.
A few weeks ago, Curtis left a comment in one my entries.

I’d like to have a Chinese name. How do you say “8-inch penis”?

Posted by: Curtis G. at June 9, 2005 12:54 AM

To which I replied:

Curtis G, hey I enjoy giving out Chinese names! Anyway in Chinese, “8-inch penis” is called “Su Ku Kia”. But I doubt you can pick up any Chinese girls when you go “Hi! My name is Su Ku Kia.” Chinese girls aren’t used to that kind of straight forwardness you know?

Posted by: Kenny at June 9, 2005 03:25 AM

Fast forward a few days later. I completely forgotten about what I said to him, and I was puzzled as to why he signed off differently nowadays.
20050730-2.gif
He even went as far as to use his newfound Chinese name to comment on other blogs.
20050730-3.gif

From ShaolinTiger.com

Oh dear. What have I done?
Should we tell him or should we just let him suffer in silence?

Bloggers.SG – Singapore Bloggers Convention 2005

This is a much delayed recap of the Bloggers.SG Singapore Bloggers Convention that happened 2 weeks ago. Delayed because you-know-I-know-what-happened lah.

Tomorrow in the Sunday Times. Pun not intended.

Remember when I wrote about what I thought the bloggers convention would be like?
I have to say – I didn’t initally plan on attending the convention at all. My previous trip to Singapore before then was merely 3 weeks ago, and sadly my bank account experienced a severe drought after that trip. No money, can’t do anything.
That was, until the venerable mr brown dropped me an official invitation, compliments of SHINE, asking me to attend the convention on behalf of the Malaysian blogosphere. Jeff Ooi and minishorts were invited as well, but too bad they had to turn it down. Sucks, because they didn’t know what they missed out on.

So anyway, on Friday the 15th July, I flew from Kuching to Johor Bahru via AirAsia (saving some RM500 in the process) and took a ‘Smiling Bus’ down to Singapore. Meanwhile, I sent a message to mr brown asking him which Hotel 81 branch I was supposed to be staying at.
mr brown: “We’re putting you at the Swissotel at Stamford, man. Its near City Hall MRT and just next to Raffles City Shopping Centre.”
Kenny: “THE SWISSOTEL? You’re kidding right? Too generous, mb!”
mr brown: “No worries, man. Its peanuts to us.”

I asked for a hotel and they put me in heaven.

Can I just say, Swissotel is the bomb.

Let me say that again. Swissotel is THE BOMB.

Talk about getting a total VIP treatment. The room was spacious, the interior decor was tasteful done and the harbour view on the 43rd floor is simply spectacular.

Giant fly hiding underneath the surface of Singapore, waiting for the right time to lay the smack down on those puny humans.

There’s nothing like going to bed with the city’s night lights, and waking up to sunny Singapore skyline. Meanwhile, minishorts is in KL ,sacrificing her weekend, pulling her hair out, desperately trying to finish her projects.

When I opened to door to my balcony, I finally understood why SPG prefered hotels over HDBs.

My Friday night was spent catching up with chio bu Apple Lim at Orchard, and having a few rounds with Big Fuck, Postmaster General and the very beautiful Linda Chia at The Hideout.

Saturday. 16th July 2005.
The day of the convention.
I foolishly underestimated the time required to travel from City Hall to Woodlands and arrived at the Woodlands Regional Library 30 minutes late – completely missing out on XiaXue‘s presentation.
I tried to reason with her. But she obviously wasn’t too happy about it.

It was also there at the morning session that I finally came face to face with the great mighty Zeus himself.
The blogging workshop presented by XiaXue, mr brown and Preetam was aimed towards would-be bloggers who wished to know how to get one started, and also to parents and teachers who might not know much about the blogging phenomenon.

The atmosphere was a bit lecture-ish for my liking, but I reckon the presenters were all very professional and effective in getting the message across. Take into account mr brown was ill, and Wendy didn’t sleep till 4am in the morning. I prefer their style of presentation here compared to their afternoon session actually. The three of them certainly did a good job dispelling the myths and paranoia the elder generation have towards blogging. My only regret was that my anti-blog mom wasn’t there to listen to it.

When that’s over, its another 45 minutes from Woodlands all the way back to the Esplanade.
Our conversation in the car went something like this.
Wendy: I very tired leh. I slept at 4 in the morning.
Wendy: *yak yak yak…*
Wendy: Can I sleep in the car? I sleep the car hor.
Wendy: *yak yak yak yak yak yak yak…*
Wendy: Are we there yet?
Wendy: *yak yak yak…*
Wendy: So tired… wanna sleep…
Wendy: *yak yak yak yak yak…*
Kenny: Aren’t you supposed to be sleeping?

The DXO Nightclub was the perfect location for hosting the Bloggers.SG Convention. I shudder to think what it would be like if the organizers stuck to their original plan and held it at the library instead. I think the organizers wanted a casual and relaxed environment without it being too distracting for the panelists talking on the dancefloor, and DXO certainly did that for them.

I’m also very impressed by the level of security provided courtesy of the Singaporean Army. I think the Singaporean government must have understood how us bloggers were putting our lives at risk by congregating in such a concentrated venue. Hey, you never knew if some anti-blog lunatic was gonna turn up and threaten to blow us bloggers all into smithereens. With machinegun-toting army men surrounding our perimeter, I see little chance of that happening.

Upon arrival, I was introduced to the many other volunteers and organizers of the event, some I heard of, like Agagoogaa, Tinker Tailor; some I read, like Barffie. These are elves working hard behind-the-scenes ensuring the convention ran as smoothly as possible. I was pleasantly surprised by their enthusiasm and the dedication they put into this project, like its their baby. They absolutely do not want anything to go wrong with it.
Outside, a line was already forming.

2pm. Doors opened. Within moments the entire venue was buzzing with bloggers, blog readers, and media people alike. Before I knew it, there were camera flashes going everywhere, people saying “That’s Kenny!”, and a few even asked me for my autograph. There are people who told me which of my past entries they like best. The euphoria I experienced at that moment was indescribable. I’m just a normal Kuching boy, but I felt like a celebrity!

Thanks Owen.

It was still a little difficult to get used to. People were taking photos of me standing up, sitting down, scratching my balls doing nothing. Everything I do sure kena scrutinised one.

Its a press conference style set-up. Panelists talk on stage whilst an irc chat projected on the big screen was running in the background.

I must have done around 4-5 interviews that day alone. I had another opportunity to talk to Straits Times reporter Melissa Lwee, who I remember as the person who once called me on IDD, conducted an interview with me for one whole hour, then wrote only TWO sentences on me when the story finally came out.

Huh? What’s this… IBM PC thing you’re talking about?

mr brown hosted a large chunk of the afternoon talking about the Singaporean blogosphere in general and the little blogging communities were all given a chance to introduce themselves. I chipped in there and talked about how similar the make-up of the Malaysian and Singaporean blogospheres are, and finished my spiel plugging Project Petaling Street.

Kenny: “So, that’s all… any questions?”
Girl #1: *raise hand* “Will you marry me?”
Kenny: “…”
Girl #2: *raise hand* “Can you show us your Dickonosaurus?”
Kenny: “!!!”
Singaporean girls are very very friendly.

The technology and law portions of the talk unfortunately weren’t as engaging, but at least the ladies on the floor had fun watching Mr Miyagi and lawyer Tan Min Liang. By then, some of the audience had already gone to the back and mingle around with friends or play with remote-controlled tanks on the 2nd floor. Rest assured, they all rushed back when they heard the bellydancers are about to perform.

The Bloggers.SG Convention successfully drew to a close with a very impressive display of fireworks over the Singapore River, proudly sponsored by the Singaporean government. I think that’s to signify the “explosive impact” Singaporean bloggers have made within the country and around the world.

The evening was more of a casual chat and mingle session where the bloggers have a chance to bond over alcohol and get to know each other a little better. For me, I just enjoyed finally putting names to the faces.

With mr brown

Carrie and Adri are proof that life is unfair. If life is fair, these two sweet-looking girls wouldn’t be lesbians. Therefore, life is unfair.
[Edit: mb just informed me that Carrie is straight. Life is fair again.]
And if you haven’t yet realised, portions of this entry were fictionalised. I’m sure you’re smart enough to figure that out right?

With Carrie and Adrianna of popagandhi.com

For many many other photos, click here.
The Singaporean blogosphere ought to be congratulated for successfully holding their first ever Bloggers convention. I reckon they all did a wonderful job. I take my hats off to them, and they took their tops off for me.
Hope to be back soon, Singapore. Thanks for the mammaries!

Aunty Susan


Thanks to the people who mailed me asking how to donate. Here’s how:
1. REGISTER as a sponsor.
2. PLEDGE your donation (in US dollars please).
3. Send your money DIRECT to the Hospice-At-Home Program via money order, cheque or teletransfer.
Anything else, let me know. 🙂

Bear with my short texty entry as I wasn’t planning to update today at all.
In case you haven’t noticed that big maroon ‘Blogathon’ button on the right, here’s the deal.
Myself, minishorts, Paul Tan, Peter Tan, Shaolin Tiger and Suanie are lazy arse morons.
See, we couldn’t be fooked peeling our butts off our chair to run in some bullshit marathon races and raise fund for charity. Besides, if we were to run, we’d probably fall so far behind the group, the organizers would’ve packed up and left by the time we crossed the finishing line.
That’s why we settled for something that does not require us executing our butt muscles – sitting on the computer chair, blogging. Our collaborative blog is located at BloggersAreMorons.com and we are participants of the 2005 Blogathon for charity.
You can help us out by registering to be our sponsor first, then click here to pledge your donation. All funds raised from our effort will go to the Hospice-At-Home program by the National Cancer Society, Penang. Then on 9pm, 6th August to 9pm, 7th August, log on to BloggerAreMorons.com and watch us talk cock for 24 hours straight. We’ll make sure both you and I have a good time baby.
Now you can truly say, bloggers have no life.

From my entry in BloggersAreMorons.com


“You probably think that she’s doing all these because its her job.
NOT TRUE.
Aunty Susan was doing all these OUTSIDE her scope of work. Knowing my father’s condition, she would leave work at 6pm, come to my place at 8pm, leave at 9:30pm, then drive 1-hour out of Kuching to this town called Serian to care for another patient before returning home by 12 midnight and get herself a proper rest.”

Read the rest of my entry here.

Continue reading

Navigation