A few days ago, my phone went beeping with this SMS from an unknown number.
Needless to say I was quite disturbed that things like this is happening in our own backyard, especially in Saujana Carpark which is located smack in the middle of the city centre. Apart from some petty burglary cases, serious crime such as kidnapping is still considered relatively rare here. My only consolation was that it wouldn’t be too difficult for people to spot a green Proton Wira with a Peninsular Malaysian car plate number in Kuching.
But a couple of hours after I received that message, I was sent YET ANOTHER SMS about the same incident.
Immediately, I smell a rat. Not just any rat. A big fat juicy rat.
Because this time round the SMS claimed that the girl is kidnapped from a different carpark. But therein lies the problem. There’s no such place called “Parade Carpark” ANYWHERE in Kuching!
So I asked around online and as it turned out, not just me but tons of other people had received similar SMSes. Some got “Subang Parade Carpark”, others got “Ipoh Parade Carpark”. But the plot is still largely the same: some 18-year-old Chinese girl was kidnapped at some mysterious unidentified carpark in a green Proton Wira aeroback bearing the car registration number WFE 2365, and message ending with a plea to “forward 2every1”.
Then yesterday as I was flipping through old newspapers, the penny dropped. Or as my Mandarin teacher would say, “water drop stone come out”.
Turns out that the abducted girl had already been rescued ages ago. The SMS was one day late. And best of all, the carpark in question was Ipoh Parade Carpark.
What I wanna know is, how the hell did “Ipoh Parade Carpark” become “Parade Carpark” become “Subang Parade Carpark” become “Saujana Carpark”?
Damn, we are so hopeless playing this game of Chinese whisper. Either that, or there are lots of stupid 18-year-old Chinese girls walking around in empty carparks waiting to be kidnapped.
But never mind that. Because what really irked me was the fact that there are people actually forwarding these SMSes to their friends. If it’s a forwarded e-mail, I can understand because e-mail is free. But come on lah, why are these people, happily wasting 20c per SMS to forward the SMS to everyone in their phone book? What is going on?
Then hor, some people even find the time to delete the word “Ipoh Parade Carpark” and replace it with stuff like “Subang Parade Carpark” to confuse people. OI, VERY FUN IS IT?!
THEN there are those who forward these messages WITHOUT EVEN READING IT. If this thing is happening in Ipoh, keep it in Ipoh. If it’s happening in Subang, keep it in Subang.
Why forward me an SMS about a girl who got kidnapped in Ipoh when I’m staying 1000km away in Kuching? What do you expect me to do?
Merdeka Celebrations in Kuching
Today, Malaysia celebrated it’s National Day and Kuching is host for the national-level celebrations.
It is actually factually incorrect to call today the 49th birthday of Malaysia. 31st August is the day Malaya (ie Peninsular Malaysia today) gained independence from the Brits, which is irrelevant to us in the eastern states.
The birth of Malaysia did not occur until 6 years later when Sabah and Sarawak joined in, so in truth it’s more appropriate then to celebrate Malaysia’s 43rd birthday on the 16th September.
But nevermind, we’re just two insignificant small fries here with lots of trees and orang utans anyway. 😛 Who are we to influence the decision of the majority from the Peninsular right?
Our humble little city seems to be pulling out all the stops to impress the big wigs on the big day. Weeks before the official celebration began, all the roads were built, buildings re-painted and flags adorned. Policemen and ambulances were on standby at every corner of the street. The scale of things were unlike anything I’ve ever seen before in Kuching. Naturally I’m excited.
I was just finishing my workout at the gym in Hilton yesterday when I saw this car parked outside the hotel.
When you’re the Prime Minister of this country, you don’t need a numbered carplate like the rest of us commonfolks do
Apparently the leaders of this country were all staying at Hilton. Judging by the number of bodyguards with wired earpieces around the hotel, security must be pretty tight. I was pissing my pants just holding my camera, afraid that they might find me suspicious and decide haul me away for “interrogation”.
Lucky that didn’t happen. I managed to catch a glimpse of the big man on his way to dinner, accompanied by the Chief Minister of Sarawak along with his angmoh wife Laila.
Congratulations, you are 0% Un-Malaysian.
This is Abdullah Ahmad Badawi, the Prime Minister of Malaysia. He’s the elected leader of this country, and dare I say, the most well-respected as well. Dr Mahathir may be known for his straight-shooting fiery tongue, but I much prefer Badawi’s gentle demeanor and style of leadership.
Agung in da house!
This is the King of Malaysia. He’s the one we always sing about in the 5th verse of our national anthem. The man owns this country, literally.
His name is … Yang di Pertuan Agung Tuanku Syed Sirajuddin *gasp* Ibni Al-Marhum Tuanku Syed *gasp* Putra Jamalullail
*pant* *pant* *pant*
Gosh, I hope they don’t name a road after him.
We don’t really hear much about our King. All we see is His Majesty’s portrait in our government buildings all the time. There’s never a Prince Charles-like scandal or Prince Harry-type partying antics reported in the tabloids. Word off the streets is that our King of Malaysia leads a simple life, is a fan of Tottenham Hotspurs and enjoys singing karaoke.
Yes, the King sings karaoke.
Makes you wonder, what kinda song he sings during karaoke. NEGARAKU!?
I missed the bulk of this morning’s celebrations at the Padang Merdeka because I woke up late of technical difficulties. 😛 But I was there in time to catch some of the more bizarre parade floats, like this one depicting a ferocious mechanical tiger.
Behold! Malaysia’s secret weapon of mass destruction!
And this one showing a man making love to an Iban shield.
Oi, not in public can?
Anyway, when I finally made my way to the Padang, a policeman stopped me in my tracks. “Sorry, this place is for VIPs only.” he said.
What! You mean we Kuching people put up with all the traffic jams this past few days and we’re not even allowed to enjoy the performances and festivities? What kinda logic is this!
Lousy view. 🙁
So I stood there at a distance enjoying only as much as a peasant like me could enjoy with my view all blocked by trees and tents of those ladida VIPs, before I finally got frustrated and did what only a man deprived of his Merdeka parade-viewing pleasure would do.
I put on my Australian accent, posed as a foreigner and snuck into hotel nearby. 😛
Much better view. 🙂
The show was alright. Crowd was loud and rowdy all throughout. I reckon it looked grand on TV. Rumour has it that the federal government spent several million ringgits organising this event, and it shows.
I managed to get inside the Padang after the show and to have a look around.
This is the decoration in front of the King’s podium. They’ve got red, white, yellow and blue flowers nicely arranged into the shape of the Malaysian flag.
Then a few minutes later I saw this aunty walking casually down the street.
The aunty actually went in there and stole the flowers off the podium!
Merdeka!
One Stinking Bad Movie Poster
We’ve got movies on sharks that attack people.
We’ve got movies on snakes that attack people.
We’ve got movies on giant monkeys that attack people.
Heck, we’ve even got movies on toy puppets that attack people.
Now, coming soon to a cinema near you, is a movie on human shit that attacks people.
Tell me that does not look like the fiercest pile of monstrous flesh-eating blobs of slimey shit!
Sarah had too much curry last night, and now she’s paying the price.
After watching the movie you might not wanna go to the toilet alone at night anymore, lest your own crap jumps up from the bowl and bites you in the arse.
Crocs Beach Review And Giveaway
Crocs is a brand of footwear that seems to be all the rage right now.
They aren’t that big in Malaysia yet, but these odd-looking shoes are everywhere in Hong Kong and Singapore.
It’s hard to miss them, what with their bright in-your-face colours and all. The only thing weirder than their designs is how the heck something not quite a shoe, not quite a sandal, not quite a clog became so damn popular. Even A-list celebrities from Matt Damon to Faith Hill were heard singing praises about them.
Crocs Malaysia has given me a pair of Crocs Beach to try out without any obligations to review them on kennysia.com.
My immediate reaction when I first laid eyes on them was “what the hell is this funny-looking thing”? Then I showed them to Cheesie and she went “Hey, that looks like cheese!”
Cheesie: “It’s yellow and holey!”
Let’s face it, this is probably not the kinda footwear you’d see in the latest issue of Vogue or GQ Magazine. Crocs is the latest fashion trend as well as the greatest injustice to both the words “fashion” and “trend”.
I won’t say that it’s ugly. Let’s be diplomatic and just say that it’s “an acquired taste” and “take some getting used to”. 😛
It actually took me a bit of courage to start wearing the Crocs Beach around town. Crocs are not yet released in Kuching (though we do have some big hungry ones in our rivers), so my footwear has been getting quite a lot of attention here. So far I’ve got all sorts of comments from “OMG WHAT IS THAT?!” to “Hey that looks so cool and funky!”
Crocs aren’t the best looking shoes, but I gotta admit it grows on me after a while. I especially love it when I’m at a friend’s place and see my cheese-yellow Crocs stand up among the boring black leather shoes and brown sandals at the door steps.
Sure, it’s chunky, oversized and make me look like a clown, but I’d be lying if I said Crocs is not the most comfortable shoes I’ve ever put my foot in. A lot of credit goes to the resilient foam-like material the shoes are made of, which moulds into the shape of my soles with the aid of body heat. There are also ventilation holes on the top and sides of the shoes to keep the feet cool.
Don’t get me wrong, I still love my Nikes, but I can walk all day, step through rainwater, wriggle my toes in my Crocs, and not end up with smelly feet at the end of the day. CAN YOUR NIKES DO THAT?
That’s probably the reason why it’s so popular. You won’t know how soft it is until you try. Crayon-coloured clogs might top of the list of fashion faux pas, but only time will tell whether or not Crocs will suffer the same fate as fashion fads like platform shoes, transparent bra straps and dyed blonde hair.
In the meantime, you’ll definitely see me wearing this around a lot more often.
But hey, don’t take my word for it. I’ve spoken to Crocs Malaysia, and they’ve agreed to give out their flagship Crocs Beach shoes to FIVE lucky readers (thanks, KV!). If you want it, you could have it.
Since Crocs is such a favourite among celebrities, all you gotta do is leave a comment below answering this question.
“Do you or someone you know have an interesting encounter with a celebrity?”
I’m NOT talking about you buying a ticket to watch Pussycat Dolls in concert, neither am I talking scandals or smear campaigns like you sleeping with Michael Jackson as a child. It could just be something simple, like maybe someone you know have David Tao on MSN. Or maybe you bought a drink for WWE wrestler Nidia and got a kiss from her in return (which actually happened to me before).
The juicier it is, the better.
Anyway, the contest closes 11:59pm Friday 1st September and you must include your valid email address, so I could e-mail to get your shoe size and postal address. Crocs will mail out the prizes to Malaysian addresses ONLY.
It’s so good to be a kennysia.com reader hor. Got free things one.
How un-Malaysian Are You?
You did not finish answering all the questions!“;
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Some time ago, The Star Online puts up a fun online quiz called How Malaysian Are You?
That’s all fine and dandy, but I was thinking – as we become more complex and modern as a society, how do we know what’s Malaysian and what’s not? Some say driving rudely is intrinsically Malaysian, but in Australia their drivers are a hundred times worse than Malaysian drivers. Similarly, your IC might say you’re Malaysian, but when you listen to Britney Spears, eat McDonalds and can’t speak more than two words of Malay, how Malaysian are you?
It has come to a point where we gotta stop wondering “How Malaysian Am I?” and start wondering “How un-Malaysian Am I?” And exactly just how un-Malaysian are you?
There’s only one way to find out.
How un-Malaysian Are You?
75) {
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Michael Jackson!
50) && ($score <= 75)) { ?>
Guy Sebastian!
25) && ($score <= 50)) { ?>
Michelle Yeoh!
= 0) && ($score <= 25)) { ?>
Abdullah Badawi!
You may copy the HTML code below and publish this result on your website.
<div align="center"><p><strong style="font-size:
large;">Congratulations , you are % not Malaysian. </strong></p>
<p>That means you’re as Malaysian as…<br>
75) {
?>
<img src="http://www.kennysia.com/images/photos/20060824-4.jpg" width="300" height="400" alt="" border="0"><br>
<strong style="font-size: large;">Michael Jackson!</strong></p>
50) && ($score <= 75)) {
?>
<img src="http://www.kennysia.com/images/photos/20060824-2.jpg" width="279" height="300" alt="" border="0"><br>
<strong style="font-size: large;">Guy Sebastian !</strong>
25) && ($score <= 50)) {
?>
<img src="http://www.kennysia.com/images/photos/20060824-3.jpg" width="307" height="400" alt="" border="0"><br>
<strong style="font-size: large;">Michelle Yeoh!</strong>
= 0) && ($score <= 25)) {
?>
<img src="http://www.kennysia.com/images/photos/20060824-1.jpg" width="284" height="400" alt="" border="0"><br>
<strong style="font-size: large;">Abdullah Badawi !</strong>
<br><p><a href="http://www.kennysia.com/archives/2006/08/how_unmalaysian.php">How Un-Malaysian Are You? </a></p></div>
About Me
My name is Kenny Sia.
All studio photos courtesy of Alvin Leong Photography
I was born on the 27th November 1982. That makes me 24 this year, and a Sagittarius. I’m the youngest in my family. Also the most rebellious.
My field of work is in IT management. Apart from my full-time day-to-day job, I spend a good deal of time on this website, which is starting to give me pretty good side income. I also pen a regular column with KLue Magazine titled Blogroll, where I showcase the best of Malaysian blogs.
I am a health-conscious person eventhough I may not look the part. I’m not one of those lucky enough to be blessed with good genetics or a high metabolism rate, which is why I go for a workout almost everyday and watch my diet very carefully.
I like a nice skinny latte and I still drink alcohol socially, but I don’t smoke.
I enjoy travelling immensely and one of my favourite cities to visit is Singapore. My aim is to visit at least two new cities overseas every year.
I live in Kuching, Sarawak. It’s a humble small city located in East Malaysia, about 2 hours by plane from the capital Kuala Lumpur.
Kuching is one of the hidden treasures of Malaysia, a wonderful place that strikes a perfect balance between the fast-paced lifestyle of a big city, and the intimacy of a laid-back rural kampung. Everything you see in travel brochures about Sarawak is true. We really do live on trees and wear red loincloths around town.
Previously I lived Perth, Australia, where I spent a good 8 years of my youth growing up. Perth remains a place very close to my heart. It’s been almost 2 years since I left Perth and I still speak with a distinct Aussie accent, a nagging habit I’m struggling to shake off.
I’m a graduate of Curtin University, where I hold a Bachelors degree in Physics and an Honours degree in Electronic & Communication Engineering. None of my two degrees have any relevance whatsoever to my field of work right now. I haven’t yet found the need to use complex Calculus to solve a really bad business decision.
The moral of the story is: get a commerce degree instead. You’ll live longer.
Before I landed at my current job, I used to work as an EMC test engineer, a software engineer and a home tutor. Out of those three, I enjoyed being a home tutor best.
For several years, I charged an equivalent of RM140 an hour regurgitating high school science and maths to anyone who’s willing to pay. My students included many people from a wide range of backgrounds: from local Australians to overseas students, overachieving 16-year-olds to late 40-plus-year-old moms, filthy rich Indonesians to dirt poor Somalians, and of course plenty of Malaysians rushing to do their last-minute cramp before the exams.
My father was diagnosed with advanced stage kidney cancer in late 2004. That was a very sad and difficult period in my life. In March 2005, I left my many friends in Perth and a handsomely-paid job to move back to Kuching to be by my father’s side. He passed away peacefully in May 2005.
I started this website because I wanted to chronicle the drastic changes over that tumulous period in my life. My blog began from when I was still living in Perth, to when I decided to move back to Kuching, to when my father left for a better place, to me experiencing reverse culture shock settling down here, and finally to me becoming the person that I am today.
This is my website.
And this is me. I am Kenny.
Autograph Books
Do you have an autograph book?
A rare occassion happened today. I was cleaning up my room and I came across my autograph books from ages ago.
These autograph books are from my late primary school years, back when writing pointless well-wishing messages for your classmates were still considered cool.
Looking through them brought back a lot of nostalgic memories. Not sure if kids these days still keep something like that. I suppose with Friendster or Multiply these days, it’s a lot easier to keep in touch with your old schoolmates. There’s no point keeping an autograph book now.
But before all these online social-networking sites were invented, this was what we do. Each one of us kept these fancy little notebooks with fancy little covers, and we passed them around among our classmates and wrote messages in them.
My autograph book has a Little Bobdog cover on it.
If I carry something around like that with me today, someone would report me for commiting a crime against humanity.
Having a Little Bobdog notebook is about as bad as me wearing Hello Kitty underpants to go out. Litte Bobdog! Can you believe it? What the hell was I smoking?
Normally on the first page of our autograph books, we would write some sentimental crap about how we’re all leaving school soon and how we should treasure our friendship together.
It’s very ironic, because I don’t even remember half the people who left messages. in my autograph book. Who the heck is Tan Yen Yeu? I don’t remember knowing anyone called Tan Yen Yeu!
You gotta cut my cheesiness some slack because these were written WAY back in 1991.
Thank goodness I don’t write like that now. FRANCE no longer stands for Friendship Remains And Never Can End. France in 2006 stands for Our Football Captain Likes To Headbutt Foulmouthed Italians And Gets Himself Sent Off.
In 1991, I was a young and stupid 9-year-old who doesn’t know how to spell “friends” and wrote “souvenir” as “sasnival”. What kinda word is “sasnival”? I must be writing in German.
It felt a bit strange to see people referring to me by my Chinese name. Most of my friends call me Kenny. I’m still not used to people calling me Tze Foo.
A friend of mine suggested that I might as well drop the “Tze Foo” and replace it with “Dot Com”. That way my full name will become “Kenny Sia Dot Com”
By this point, you must be wondering how much vocabulary a 9-year-old has to be able to fill up the pages of an autograph book. The answer is: not much.
Almost all the well-wishing messages written were tacky poems copied from somewhere, like this one.
Sometimes, I don’t even know if what they’ve written were meant to be well wishes. If it’s a joke it’s not funny at all.
In fact, I was so disappointed with the quality of messages left for me, that I myself wrote in my own autograph book.
I know, how pathetic right.
At least some of the poems still have potential give me a chuckle after so many years.
My favourite poem in my whole two books though, was this one. I saw this poem repeated several times. Seems like my classmates seem to have a penchant of wanting to marry me with a giant hairy ape.
Coincidentally I just came back from Hong Kong. But it’s 2006 now, so I’ve taken the liberty to “update” the poem a little bit.
Here’s how it should go:
Go To Hong Kong
Eat Until Song Song
Come Back Hong Kong
Become King Kong
Made-In-China DVDs
I should have written about this a long time ago, but I completely forgotten about it until I was looking through my photo archives earlier today.
Remember I was in Shanghai a few months back? The wonderful land that gave us horny parsleys and other bad Engrish has, in my mind, the most fascinating supermarket DVD section in the world.
I was randomly browsing for some DVDs at this huge supermarket called TrustMart in suburban Shanghai, when I noticed that something doesn’t quite fit in. For a start they have a children’s CD section.
Then RIGHT NEXT TO IT is the sex video collection.
Not sure if they’re trying to promote impulse buying, but I don’t think a lot of people is gonna go there, buy a sex instructional video, then go “Hmmm… maybe I should plan ahead and get a children’s CD while I’m at it.”
The thing that caught my attention, was the cover of this DVD.
I’ve never heard of the movie The Lost World. I know Jurassic Park 2 is also called The Lost World, but the cover’s not like that at all. In fact, this one doesn’t even look like a movie.
It looks more like some sorta computer game. World of Warcraft maybe?
I must’ve missed the period when long eyebrows was in fashion.
Then as I continue browsing, I became more and more suspicious.
I spotted another DVD called Crus of the Aders, which is another movie title not many people has heard of.
But hang on, doesn’t the way the man poses and holds his sword reminds you of another more recent movie?
Specifically, Kingdom of Heaven starring everyone’s favourite broom stick – Orlando Broom?
OMG. As if it’s not bad enough selling sex videos in a supermarket, they flipped Orlando Broom’s head and made him ugly!
Blasphemy! Will somebody please think of the 13-to-14-year-old teenage girls!
If you think those were bad, it’s nothing compared to this one.
The thing that REALLY took the cake, was when I saw hot Asian starlet Shu Qi on YET ANOTHER DVD I’ve never seen before.
When’s the last time Shu Qi appeared in a movie that require her to hold a bow and arrow in a 17th century rag?
Or is it even a 17th century flick? Because if you look close enough, you could see aeroplanes in the background of that DVD.
And if you look REALLY close, you might think to yourself, “Hey, I’ve seen this somewhere before.”
And you’d be right.
They photoshopped Shu Qi’s face onto Keira Knightley’s body!
And they even gave her a digital boob job while they’re at it.
How considerate!
Art
Art in Singapore.
Art in Kuala Lumpur.
Art in Hong Kong.
Art in Perth.
Art in Kuching.
If you can’t afford this art piece, at least you know where to loan money.
Macau
This will be the last of my Hong Kong travel adventure series, as I’m sure everyone is pretty sick of it by now.
Day 4 of my trip, I found myself a few hours to kill before I had to head to Macau Airport to catch my flight back to Malaysia. In case you’re wondering, the only reason why I went to Hong Kong via Macau is because it’s a lot cheaper to travel that way.
Last time I was in Macau, all I did was donate unnecessary funds to the Sands Casino. This time round, I decided to do something more productive and pay their town centre a visit.
My journey starts at Largo do Senado, the focal point of Macau’s historic centre.
If you’re a fan of colonial architecture like I am, you’ll immediately fall in love with this place at first sight.
Macau is a poor man’s version of Europe, but it’s buildings are just as every bit as stunning. If I can’t afford a European holiday for honeymoon, this will be where I bring my wife next time.
Confirm divorce the next day.
Hey look, it’s the Golden Arches™ in Macau!
Wonder what they sell in there.
The Big Mac-au? Hur hur.
The McDonald’s here are promoting something I’ve never seen before called “Fan-tastic”. These are rice burgers, where they have glutinous rice patties in place of buns.
The rice burgers come in either chicken or beef version. The beef variety looks more tempting so that’s the option I went with.
It really does taste fantastic!
Kinda like bak zhang with teriyaki beef fillings instead. Another way to describe is like eating beef rice without spoon. Definitely a must try if you’re in Hong Kong or Macau.
Maccas in Malaysia gotta stop selling whatever bullshit Foldovers and start selling some RICE BURGERS dammit.
Macau is lucky to have some of the most beautiful and well-preserved churches in the region. There’s something inexplicably romantic and serene with these old-school churches.
I’m born and raised in a Buddhist household, but I often find myself a lot more fascinated with Christian history instead.
I admit, my fascination in large part is due to conspiracy theories like the Da Vinci Code.
Yes, I know the story is fictional. No, I don’t like to be preached to thankyouverymuch.
This is the national monument of Macau, the eerie ruins of St Paul’s Cathedral.
Apparently some typhoon blew the whole church away. All that’s left of it is its intricately-carved stone facade.
Eh, how come Macau can have a 400-year-old building as their national monument, and all we Kuching people have is a giant cat?
It’s not easy being a statue. Your head becomes a landing pad for errant pigeons.
Anyway, I spotted quite a few odd things around the area. Like this other strange statue.
What the heck is thing? I tried looking for signs explaining what this is and how it got here but there was no clue!
My guess is that it’s Macau version of a chao ah lian talking loudly on her handphone.
The tourist attraction is not the only thing interesting here. Some of the tourists here fascinates me as well, especially with the way they pose.
This one looks like she’s saying “WTF?”
I don’t know what this girl’s problem is but she took like 20 different photos of various poses with that statue.
I wanted to take a photo of the statue as well but I was tired of waiting her to budge after 10 minutes, so I took a photo of the statue with her in it.
There, I hope you’re happy now.
No trip to Macau is complete without sampling their famous portugese egg tarts. They are simply. the. best. It’s totally unlike any kinds of portugese egg tarts you could find in Malaysia.
It’s so good that I bought one whole big box of portugese egg tarts for my mom. Then I fell down and all those egg tarts accidentally ended up inside my stomatch. 😛
Well, 4 days and 3 nights later, I was ready to come home. Hong Kong has been great fun, but I do miss home and I do miss speaking Hokkien instead of Cantonese.
Man, I must have spoken more Cantonese here than I ever did in my entire lifetime. And I’m not even good at it.
When I was taking a taxi to the Macau Ferry Terminal, the taxi driver asked me in Cantonese, what I was going to Macau for.
I meant to say to him, “I’m going to Macau to thak fei gei (ride a plane).”
But being the noob that I was I replied, “I’m going to Macau to da fei gei (masturbate)”
You should see the look on his face. PRICELESS.