This entry is NOT sponsored by HUGO, though it’s inspired by it. 😉
When I was first introduced to the whole Harmony is Overrated campaign, I was told that the concept of the new fragrances is a celebration of modern male-female relationships.
Relationships, as we know it, has certainly come a long way. In the past, it’s the men having the sole power to decide everything, and women merely follow. More recently, I’ve seen cases where women are the one asking for everything, and their men just spoil and willingly give into her thinking it’s an act of love.
But that was before. With the changing mindset and attitude of today’s people, no longer is it the case where guys have to give into their girlfriends, and no longer is it acceptable that husbands go around marrying multiple wives.
Men and women have become more intellectual and demanding these days. Along with that, we’ve also becoming so damn weird and difficult to understand!
Having been through some relationships myself and having observed many more, I do feel that at times it seems like men and women are made to be so completely different. From friends, to courtship, to dating, to marrying, men and women continue to tear their hairs out over why the opposite sex is so ridiculously difficult to deal with.
Tulan.
As a guy, too many times have I experienced myself that sometimes when I thought I was doing the right thing, I still get blasted for not being caring or considerate enough.
Every little thing are enough to start a fight.
You thought you’re doing something right by waking up early and bringing your girl to a restaurant on a Sunday, only to get the cold treatment because it’s not the restaurant she wanted to go. Then when you try to redeem yourself by driving to the place that she wanted to go, suddenly she said she has no mood to eat anymore. Then you’re like “WTF IS YOUR PROBLEM BITCH?! JUST FRIGGIN EAT DAMMIT!” and she’ll be like “YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ME ANYMORE YOU USELESS BASTARD!”
Then plates would be smashing and some innocent waitress passing by will probably get stabbed by a flying chopstick.
To be fair, girls find it hard to understand us guys as well.
I’ve said it before. During courtship, us guys would go through heaven and hell to impress a girl and make her happy. We’d be like so romantic, Juliet would cheat on Romeo for us.
But then after we got the girl, suddenly all those previous effort goes out the window.
Credit: Stickgal
Yea, it’s tough being a guy.
We’d be slogging off at work and come home thinking that our girl would appreciate us bringing in the extra cash to build a better life together. But no. Instead of getting any form of appreciation, we have to deal with some stupid minor thing that happened then sent her “nag nag nag WHY DIDN’T YOU DO THIS nag nag nag YOU PROMISED ME nag nag YOU FORGOT AGAIN!”
You don’t wanna argue, but because you gave in to her so much already that you’re sick of it, in the heat of the moment some hurtful words will inadvertently shoot out of your mouth which will make her exclaim, “HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT!” Then you’ll be all stubborn and she’ll be screaming, slamming doors and throwing things at you.
It’s like that. We go to work stressed, we come home also stressed. No wonder lately there’s so many “foot reflexology” places popping up for guys who wanna escape from their wives.
Sometimes when you look at other couples, you see how perfect they are. Then you look at yours and you wonder why you fight all the time. Then you start to wonder if you’re actually right for each other. Or if there’s someone more perfect, loving and compatible for you out there.
But in today’s relationships, it is no longer a realistic expectation that men and women will achieve total perfect loving harmony. Men and women have evolved. No matter how compatible or perfect we think other couples might be, they will still be prone to disagreements and arguments just like everyone else. Harmony IS overrated.
The bottom line is, men and women are very different. And it is inevitable that men and women get together, they will fight and fight with each other until the day they die. There’s no logic in why that’s the case. It’s just the way it is.
Sometimes the fights can be worse than WWE
But what seperates the kind of fights that break relationships and the ones that make couple grow closer together is how you resolve it, and also how sincere you are in resolving it.
Every couple fights. But every fight is also an opportunity to get everything you want out of your system and to learn more about one another. Every cold war is a time for us to reflect on our own actions and our partner’s words. After that, there should be a phone call or a text. No matter how stubborn a person is, no one can be so stubborn until they’d turn down a chance to genuinely compromise, reconcile, and make things better.
Besides, the first hug after a week-long cold war is always the best.
This post is not sponsored. And there’s no more freebies to give out this time round. 😉
Everyone’s favourite rapping minister yesterday cried foul over Al Jazeera’s telecast of his interview, describing the station as “biased, unfair and confusing to people living overseas”.
“Biased”? “Unfair”? Hello? Look who’s talking? Your own newspapers can’t even publish balanced reports and you want to complain about other stations being “biased” and “unfair”?
Agreed with you….
so true 🙁
can’t live with them, can’t live without them…
haih..
So true, but even when you always argue, if you can keep on sitting down and discussing your problems calmly, you’ll get over it, no matter how bad the argument was.
sO tRue….
How funny, that i find the one post that is not sponsored, is actually your best piece.
It’s so true…It actually made me think back of my 1 year relationship which just ended like in a blink of eye without knowing how things can turn out to be like that.Sigh.. Men and women should learn to tolerate with each other.And some girls always use those really sharp words when there’s conflict between the couple. Which make things even worse. Everyone deserve respect. So,couples out there, appreciate your love one before you lose someone that mean so much to you.
Ironic yet true…
If things get too hard to bear, just remind yourself; “You courted the girl, you got her. Now, just live with it”. HAHAHA
“Men and women have evolved.”
So as everything else.. sometimes I wonder if people do not evolve but stay as how they were in the past (marry someone they dunno at the age to get married), when people do not actually require anything but just follow the “common flow”.. perhaps everything will be come simple and easy to deal with.
however, it’s just an IF… it’s not the real world nowadays…
The closest person may be the person who KNOWS how to hurt you because he/ she knows where your weakness is.
Initial stage of relationship is usually romantic and sweet. When you start to learn more about each other, you either learn to accept their everything or give up.
The saddest part in my memory, is that they hurt your pride by being too honest to you. Truth is, there is an art in everything: The art of courting, art of loving, art of confiding, art of…
Sometimes it is better off to remind yourself that love actually upgrades to “kin-ship”, romance eventually became a shared life together with good and bad memories…
While harmony is often overrated, so is tolerance.
Why should you tolerate something that pisses you off most of the time?
As much as people should work at their relationships, they should also know when to call it quits.
Being single is infinitely better than being in a destructive relationship.
SO HOW?? ARE U GOING TO GET MARRIED? HAVE A NICE DAY!
*sighs*
Kenny, Go read “Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus” by John Gray.
You may not get the ultimate solution.. but it helps you understand the opposite sex better =P.
Den just WORK it out together wh the SOURCE of your dillemma ler…
Soooo true …
This is my new favorite post on your blog, Kenny. Because it’s so true 🙂
so true… I so hard to find something xin xien sometime…..work also have to overtime almost everyday including public holiday…..Sometime is really damn tired..
The cartoon strip is cute…
LOL. This post is so heartfelt (by you), not me. I just see your misery all over the post. Must be so damn tough to be handling a girl who doesn’t know what she wants and watches too much television.
I find it very true. I’ve realized this through few relationships and from being the daughter to my parents. And this is the main reason why I would prefer not to involve in any relationship. Perhaps after evolution, girls are more independent and I know many women who can live without men. Marriage is no longer playing a significant role in their life.
that is so true man… very hard to understanding each other when together…lol
🙂 enjoyed this post a lot!
brother, why stop talking politics?
Let’s comment on these 2 latest video clips. Also from Al-Jazeera with Nazri and KJ. But this time, our beloved Information Minister too scare to join them. Ha…
Check it out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KydUhd78KS8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLmA4-tnkac
So nice… i like this blog..
I love hugging 😀 ! And it’s true that “the first hug after a week-long cold war is always the best.”
Just remember one thing – women are very
manipulative.
Men must be very firm because if you
continue to give in, you’ll become a
door mat!
hey kenny,
feels like you are in a cold war right now???
bob cakap ada betui kah? who’s the girl???
peace
LMAO… Chin Cha Suay… nice name!!
Anyway wht you say is so tru…I’m gonna blog about it in my blog…hahaha
Well, I heard that nowadays, as we stepped out into the society, it’s hard to search for real love. Mostly are about responsible and loneliness.
Juz now my teacher told me a thing, he said that there are no such thing as not compatible. It’s juz that both of them is irresponsible in solving problems btween them. Do u all agree?
Well…I totally agree with you…so true
KENNY…. WUT THE HELL IS THIS.
no gift no comments 😛
I got depressed reading this post:/
So sian.
Gonna go pig-out with girlfriends at the movies to
destress.
eeee… the last pic so unique.. i like.. hehe
Hey Kenny
Just a tip for you to know if the girl is the right one.
Look for the one who cares for you. Takes care of you when you are sick, in need, cook for you (or try to cook for you for a way to a man’s heart is thru his stomach)…
But most important of all, she also needs to be a caring and compassionate person for others when you are not watching (or rather, you are from a distance)…
Trust me, girls who are caring are those who will still fight with you, but will care enough to resolve it after that because she cares.
She won’t mind where you take to for meals, for as long as you are spending time with her, she is content.
All the best!!
Regards
BRAVO kenny!! this post was fantastic! its what is on my mind and more
Look at the way and attitute of girls nowadays, “We don’t need MEN~”, “We are INDEPENDENT~”, “MEN are Scums~”, “WhatEVER~” and etc…So, most of them really have that “Pride” up to Mars and really thinks men are useless piece of scum…
Men, be prepared to marry your dog~ That’s the future for us…
Target For Girls
oh my god. you have a whole category for this kind of posts. just came by to wish everyone a good day ^_^
by the way. whats with the ronnie liu dude?
another malaysian living in fear, well it’s my blog THAT’S WUT IT IS!
Girls wan “Chop Chop”…
(^_^)”
whatever happens to “compromise”?
i think if you can’t understand guys, don’t try, and if you can’t understand girls, don’t even think about it.
let boys be boys and let girls be girls
works like a charm…(dang..i forgot to mention the PMS stuff)
Addoooii….
Women do try their best to impress and love there men as much as they do. Since Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, each of them have differenc thinking, needs and personality. So, it’s damn hard to understand the opposite sex.
So, just try your best to impress the girl you love. Skills are required.. Lol…
gosh.. this bf gf thingy is so complicated.. however, i wish i can experience it.. don think i ever will. :/
OMG Kenny!!! This is so true!! What you have said is so true!! I am so gonna let my bf read this!! HEHehheee.. cause he always wonders why me n him always fight for little little stupid matters! Hheheheee… thanks Kenny for saving the world’s relationship! ;P
ok, i know im being too ‘kua’ but still its so true la k!
Saw your post right after I posted up mine.
How timely. 🙂
Pictures from the Venetian.. Haha.
To achieve Harmony in relationship, one should….
If married,
Husbands treat their wives like girlfriends
Wives treat their husbands like babies
Not married but in courtship,
Boyfriends treat their girlfriends like babies
Girlfriends treat their boyfriends like husbands
Try it out 😉
Hugs & Kisses are free, so give them everyday!
ouch…I didn’t know women were that bad… HAHAHA! I mean seriously, are women that touchy…? I don’t wanna be liddat!! lolx…
Hi Kenny,
Sometimes both sexes need space not to be permanently separated but to make us realise that we need each other.
I only know that 4 Hugs a day really help to strengthen the bond, emotionally and mentally.
Yes it’s true. When my bf was around (staying at my place for 3 months before he went back to scotland)…..we fought like hell sometimes. but now he’s so far away and probably won’t see him in a year’s time or even more…..I miss him dearly and now we seldom fight. I think people tend to take things for granted. Expecting and demanding and desire everything. And that’s selfish. at times, we fight so much i think breaking up is the right choice and that he will never understand me and vice versa…..though we were created differently but still….it all boils down to our selfish self…..if only, if only, we know how to compromise, respect and understand.
Here’s a simple way of looking at relationships:
Every couple has a certain degree of compatibility. It may range from 60-90%. Then they have to work for the other 10-40%. So the more compatible your are with each other, the less percentage you’d have to work hard for. The less compatible, vice versa. Either way, you’d still have to continue working hard in a relationship. It’s not a shirt that you can wear for the rest of your life without washing.
If you love him/her, you got to be patience and be a good listener, you would find the solutions to resolve and being more understanding.(harsh words from one mouth normally are not true during arguement, which actually asking you to pay attention and listen to what actually he/she looking for)
When you couldn’t stand him/her anymore, you have to evaluate your love toward your love ones and ask youself have you really pay your ear to listen and look into the problems? When you are really in love, you would never be easily pissed off or couldn’t stand..a time to look into yourself instead of pointing fault to one.
Anyway, be a good listener and build up an understanding and love him/her sincerely.
Well, Kenny, I sincerely comiserate with your current entry. Since there’s no more freebies, so I can see that your comments have also drop drastically.
So, here’s in support of Kennysia.com.
One extra comment here to boost it up.
Keep it up man!
-Avid Reader-
been single so long i cannot remember how it is anymore being attached…
spot on..kenny.
recently,had a fight with my seow char bor…kena silence treatment,but best part is she used e-mail as our mode of communication living in the same house.
after 5 days of e-mailing i told her its time we share our streamyx bill and she laugh…
gawd…help me pls.
Nice post…it takes both hands to clap.
kenny… >_
“Whats life, with a wife… whats life, without a wife…”!
hmmm… agree with you. So true, yes so true.
Everyone is too fucking selfish to live in harmony, Fucking freedom, equality, reasoning.. all bullshit.
there is no reasoning with a girl when she thinks with her hormones rather than her brain.
The problem is communication. Lots of people still think it’s natural for relationship partners to fight. Maybe so, but frankly fighting sucks and its not natural at all for me.
A lot of this fighting, disagreements and misunderstanding is caused by miscommunication. Some people like to assume how men and women should act. Some other people like to be coy and try to force their partners to guess what they want, which is incredibly stupid actually.
I’ve said it in my own blog and I’ll say it again. Men and women need to talk. We need each other’s company so we need to reduce friction as much as possible. We’ve all heard the saying “Assume makes an ASS out of U and Me”
No cliche can be closer to the truth yes?
So if we really want to understand the men and women around us, we need to stop assuming and ask more questions. Equally important, we need to be ready to answer questions from people who ask us about ourselves and stop thinking that “they should know”. I think this “they ought to know” thing happens because we are encouraged to believe in stereotypes about how men and women should behave. Again, I think this kind of thinking is kinda dumb really.
I have a lot of women friends. While they have their share of stereotypical female traits, they also have many sides that are not streotypical. I know one woman who loves rock climbing. Another likes metal and rock and other “unladylike” music and also plays guitar. I know some girls who prefer stuff they can use for gifts instead of sentimental things like flowers. I have a female colleague who likes computers and gadgets, just like the rest of us.
Likewise, not all men are macho jocks who play sports and are useless in the kitchen.
These days, the world has changed a hell of a lot. Thus people are different, so different than before that to make assumptions is much too dangerous.
So what’s my point? If we want to have better relationships, we need to talk and listen at the same time. And be honest about it. No more assumptions. No more assuming that your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife knows what you are thinking. That kind of telepathic bullshit belongs in romantic novels and movies, not real life.
PS. While I have opinions on matters like this, this is strictly my opinion and I’m certainly no expert about it.
Mac,
I’m agree with you.
we need to be ready to answer questions from people who ask us about ourselves and stop thinking that “they should know”. I think this “they ought to know” thing happens because we are encouraged to believe in stereotypes about how men and women should behave.
Used to have a guy friend asked his girlfriend many questions, his girlfriend just thought that he shall know the answer, shouldn’t ask any questions and must trust her fully and it comes many arguments.
His girlfriend later on just complaint that he shall not tell his feelings, conducting any questions and whatever he says are suck which irritating her a lot.. she just felt she was not being respected, a victim and etc.
Come on !
without communication and talk, how to build and strengthen the relationship? Great Wall in China also needed to be built up by a hard labors and not 1 or 2 days even a months matter. Assumption will just make the situation worst. When my friend left for another girl, she still thought it is his fault for not being understanding. However once after she found out, it was too late..
Most of the time during communication, you might heard something that you dislike because we just can’t accept it and felt being accused, but be a good listener and tell him/her what you dislike, not saying how suck, irritating, not respecting your love one showing you. Perhaps your love one will shout at you and saying those irritated statement but just listen and commit yourself in communication.
Good Luck 😉
Interestingly, I heard this analogy from a friend. Most couples will go through 3 phases of sex life in their relationships. Phase 1 is when they start dating, they will have sex just about anywhere and whenever like wild animals. Phase 2 is after they get married, they will have sex in their bedroom. Phase 3 is likely after 10-15 years of marriage, they will have sex in the hallway but not a physical one though coz each will shout “Fuck You” when passing by each other.
Any truth to it? as I’m in early stage of phase 2 now!!!!:(
“But what seperates the kind of fights that break relationships and the ones that make couple grow closer together is how you resolve it, and also how sincere you are in resolving it.”
very true. Sometimes you wonder why your relationship end just like that, it’s not a matter of who;s fault it is, it’s just about how much effort and sincerity you put in the to work the relationship…
Very true… communication is the key, and stereotypes are more often than not wrong.
I’m eccentric, more of a modern career-minded kinda girl and believe me when you’re dating any Malay chauvinists it’s a bit difficult trying to deal with stereotypes of homemakers (I’m working my butt off for my Law Degree and you’re expecting me to end up a housewife cooking at home? adoi) and such other odd characters.
You might be saying, ‘you silly woman, go find some other more modern guy lah’, and I completely agree with you. I tried. They all have pretty much similar still stay at home and take care of the kids mentality.
So… whattodo… try to work things out lah. haha.
Love is abit of a mind game. When there’s a problem, immediately solve it cleverly and not emotionally.
When you dont solve the problem, it will become a bigger problem.
When it becomes a bigger problem, it may be too late to do anything.
So be wise. Relationship can end only because you have done nothing, and that’s the case most of the time.
Might not be related to what your entry is saying but falls under the relationship category.
The greatest pain that a guy can inflict on a girl is using her to attain something then ditching her when he gets what he is after (not referring to bedding her)and coming back to her when his plans flop.Although times have changed, girls will still be girls, and are still vulnerable towards such acts.Girls are not born to be hurt by guys.An apology is not a panacea to the hurt inflicted. If you truly love a person, you will put their feelings into consideration as well as make it your first priority in everything that you do.
kenny, … yawn … your blog is getting boring lah.
WHEN FIGHTING….
EVERYTHING SHE SAYS IS THE END OF THE ARGUMENT.
…EVERYTHING U SAY IS THE START OF A NEW ARGUMENT!!!!
I admit we need girl in our lives…but sometimes i felt really sick and tired of relationship…
they want us to understand them but they never know what we feeling…they want us to know how tired their are but never know how tired we are but still want to ask for that or this or here or there…
If our mistake we beg for apologize..but how if they wrong..??still our mistake and they always right even …wahhh…so sick of it…
But girl we oso human la need sometimes on man world..and got feeling also…we hurt..we cry..we suffer..we egois..as girl also the only thing is our physical and minded is majority stonger than girl……
Finally huh maybe i haven’t find the right one…
anyway Kenny nice post man!!!!
http://www.trademe.co.nz/Members/Listings.aspx?member=1752276
Its about compromise and tolerance between partners. Once you learn to b patient and positive, things r different. Take ur time and d most important thing is to enjoy urself and hope tat ur partner enjoys the relationship 2. it takes a while to knw wat i mean
The true partner will not mind going through the ups and downs of a relationship together.. even if it means eating bread and butter for a week! 🙂
So long winded, but let’s get back to basics and primitivity.
Relationships, marriage, love are overrated. Let’s face it we get tired of each other after some time and we all want fresh faces, sex, after boring the shit out of each other.
Let’s just go back to the old prehistoric days where we just fuck the daylights out of each other then let the women bring up the children while the men go spreading their seeds further, just like every other mammals on this planet.
very true~
hey kenny will u stop posting pictures of nicole? its damn annoying -.-
Be there and listen to each other. It doesn’t hurt to spare at 10 minutes to listen and sort things out. Keep the sparks while it’s still there. Once it’s gone, it will never be the same anymore.
That special someone you keep arguing with is most likely sent into your life to teach you something about yourself. So rather than always blaming your partner in the arguement, stop and think, “What is it about me that’s contributing to bring this around?” If you’re BOTH doing this, you’re more likely to work things out, but it is a two way street.
Couples who never argue are lacking in passion and connection. It’s not that they’re actually more harmonious and it’s certainly not because they have it all worked out. They’re keeping up appearances or else have just “checked out” emotionally from the relationship.
To have “harmony”, we MUST be different from one another – together, different but making it work. Just look at the keys on the piano…
argue with a bitch is suicidal. sure lose, sure die
hey kenny, first time leaving a comment here. this post is soooooo true. exactly what i had with my boyfriend over the last few months. and coincidentally, we worked things out today, just before i got so fed up and was about to throw in the towel and say that’s it i’m done with you. hits the nail right on the head.
compromising, together with understanding is what will be keeping a relationship going. Sometimes when things gets too heated, a break, a cool down period of like 1 month – 3 month for both party will be good. to understand the importance of the other party, is to try living without her / him. that human 🙂
hey kenny you responded to me! WAHAHAHA i win
LOL. Either u’re the director of Hitch or What Woman Wants.
great post kenny!
hey just wanna share something…
Before the marriage:
.
.
He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
She: Do you want me to leave?
He: NO! Don’t even think about it.
She: Do you love me?
He: Of course!
She: Have you ever cheated on me?
He: NO! Why you even asking?
She: Will you kiss me?
He: Yes!
She: Will you hit me?
He: No way! I’m not such kind of person!
She: Can I trust you?
He: Yes.
She: Hubby
.
.
.
.
Now after the marriage you can read it
from below to up !!!!
PPL WHO BELIEVE IN FAIRY TALES OF ENDING IN RELATIONSHIP, I THINK THEY WATCHED TOO MANY HONG KONG TVB DRAMA.
WAKE UP. MAN AND WOMAN. THIS IS A WORLD WHERE WOMAN AND MAN STAND TOGETHER.
WAT U CAN DO TO A WOMAN, THE WOMAN CAN DO IT TO U AS WELL.
CHEERS!!!, IT’S LIFE. ENJOY
when i saw this post, i went, woah, its just what i needed to read. i’m going through a rough time with my boyfriend, this post made me realized what’s going on and that ive been taking things for granted. im definitely gonna try harder and work things out.
thanks kenny (:
keep it up!
Expectation. That’s what it’s all about. Expectation grows exponentially when we get closer to each other, so is conflict.
So listen. Listen not only with your ears, but with heart and eyes, deliberately.
hey kenny, the cartoon illustration is great. I think sometimes guy just take things for granted and never appreciate things until they lose it one day. hope this article of yours will help to wake those guys up and save their relationship. cheers bro
nice post, Kenny. I used to think I was the only one..and everyone had it perfect. I used to take things forgranted, maybe I still do. It’s hard to let another person understand you..when you don’t understand yourself that well either.
Not nice. Don’t like!
lucky i am still single. no need to go through such things.
After being through so many failed relationships for so many different reasons, I am glad that I now am single~~~ Harmony is overrated, hard to maintain~~
You should try reading this book:
MEN ARE FROM MARS
WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS
by John Gray
It should help you understand the differences and work for a better relationship.
Grab one from a bookstore now. ^^
i got visit the stickgal too…her comic very simple but yet funny…
Poor Kenny..sounds like you have had a rough few relationships there. Yes, of course men and women are different! Hence ‘man’ and ‘woman’! It’s the art of understanding the opposite sex that a lot of us are yet to master. Each gender has a REASON they and say the things they do. Most girls don’t understand a man’s temperament, and a lot of men do not know that girls are totally the opposite to what they expect! But once you take the effort to communicate and try to understand each other, you will find that you start complementing each other. Communication is the key, unfortunately in our busy world nowadays we don’t see that as a priority. Then we misunderstand and get irriated and worked up about each other! All this is unnecessary, speaking from experience. Love is possible, and to last, it takes all the effort. Good luck!
The previous comment was NOT posted by rawpotato! I don’t know how it just came up as ‘posted by rawpotato’. Apologies to whoever rawpotato is.
oopss!! sorry!! Misread..rawpotatos post is above mine. sorry again!! aaaarghh…. 🙂
Yes…being a guy is tough but as a girl, i would like to say, being a girl is tougher. hehe…dont believe it, ask any girl on the street.
And yes again, every fight every argue is a chance for improvement in our relationship. Hehe, but i am not encouraging you to ‘bo su jo’ (too eng) go find people fight.
It is true that men and women are different.
I believe that the reason why girls sometimes (or maybe all the time) seem complicated is that they dont want to TELL their guy what to do because it would make them seem petty and demanding.
So they’d rather keep quiet and put on a pouty face, just hoping that he would understand. Its not a girl’s fault really, its just that (i believe), we have a pre-conceived notion of what her guy should/should not do. And if he really cared enough, he’d do it on his own.
Plus, if she told him, buy me flowers, and he did it, what does that mean to her? Nothing, anymore.
So i guess in every relationship, compromise is one of the most important things.
These are a few great pointers I read in a book ( that i happen to open after having a huge argument) :
1. Sympathize with their feelings
2.Confess YOUR part of the conflict
3. Attack the problem, not the person you love!
4. Cooperate as much as possible
5. Emphasize reconciliation, not resolution. (cos it is unrealistic to expect everyone to agree about everything.)
If you want to read the elaboration of these, that explains how to try your best to restore a relationship, i read this in Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. Great book.
One of your best posts by far…u know one of those moments when u go..”WOW!”. That’s it…the realization of putting into words the unsaid…Kudos!
so true man..
nearly everything u say in this post happens to me.
wahahhaha
I guess it perfectly normal to quarrel about stuff once in a while. However, when things start to fly and get physical – then something is not right.
if your girlfriend breaks up with you saying that she is the problem instead of you, don’t ever believe it.
i used to quarrel alot with my ex gf (been together for 5 months) over petty things like me oversleeping or stuff she misunderstood when we sms. Sometimes i feel like she’s picking fights to get an excuse for her to break up with me. How true is this will never know.
My commitment is unquestioned, maybe it is cliche to say that i love her with all my heart, but now i realised what was missing is communication. We have plenty in common, but we are different people.
she seems so sweet when we are together but someone when we are apart (not within physical presence), we tend to argue alot through the phone.
We didn’t even see each other when we broke up, we did it on the phone. I regret to this day i said okay to her, to let both of us have some space.
if only i had said to her i will meet her, we will talk things through and we will solve our problems…. we might still be together. The break up wasn’t easy for both of us, no matter how much we try to cover in front of each other.
we still talk time to time, because we promised each other we would be friends…maybe even the best of friends. One day both of us will be ready for relationship. I would be a better man, time will give her to understand.
now i kind of miss arguing. Damn it. I wanna tell her… why wont you argue with me?
Damn it!!
less than 1 week into the break up.
All inter-relationship problems described are EASILY remedied by restricting involvement to Women instead of Girls, and vice-versa Men instead of Boys.
Nothing to do with Age, Everything to do with MATURITY.
I’ve known some very mature teen-agers and extremely immature middle-aged people.
Tantrums display a complete lack of readiness, especially for intricate compromise of Commitment to Equal Partnership.
thanks Kenny 🙂
This is precisely why I rather level my Engineer in HG:L than get involved in a relationship.
agree with Flinkus 🙂
nice post! i find the content to be so heart whelming =)and by this, im beginning to see what’s really needed in a relationship =)
thanks a lot kenny
Kenny, you forgot to mention make up sex. yes, ’em good.
this is exactly what happen to me now!!!…. at some point i feel like my husband is more an enemy than a lover to me…… at some point i really feel like i hate him… ,…oh so bad….
AH HA!!!!!!!! its so bloooooooody funny!!
I agree with you
even though I am a girl
I don’t understand the whole situation just like what you mentioned
You thought you’re doing something right by waking up early and bringing your girl to a restaurant on a Sunday, only to get the cold treatment because it’s not the restaurant she wanted to go. Then when you try to redeem yourself by driving to the place that she wanted to go, suddenly she said she has no mood to eat anymore.
this is what I mean
I’ve been in this situation
I am what you can call a girl who grew up
being the orthodox (compared to normal girls)
maybe because I hang out with boys when I was younger
I experienced this with my girl pals
I don’t understand them
and what’s funny is that I am a girl too
it’s really hard to catch up with them
p/s: I actually bought the HUGO fragrance becaus of the contest you and Nicole did…and coincidentally they had a promotion on it in Mid Valley and I loved the smell…so I feel that I need to thank you for somewhat introducing me to the fragrance…seriously I love it
Well written.
Agree that no matter how “perfectly matched” people are, arguements can never be avoided. Be it about place to eat, who moved the toilet paper… it’ll happen!
Boys will always be boys (babies), girls will also be girls….
This whole thing about bgr and getting along… Well, let’s put it this way. All things will work if we put our hearts to it. The key is never take things for granted… Treasure your love ones. Focus on the good traits of your partner.. Life is already so tough, dun fight over small things.. and pls heck the belief tt your mum tot u (this is for girls)”ah gal, you deserved to be pampered! U must spend your man’s dollars ( I mean every dollars)…” Girls, there’s nothing wrong writing love notes and buying flowers or his favourite gudgets and give him a gd shoulder rub after a hectic day, tell him he is your hero… and boys boys boys, when she does tt for you, buy her the LV bag she longed for….
P/S: I love my man…..(and our little princess we both so adore…)
And Kenny, glad to see you in S’pore and to have you in SWF… =)
Hahah funny post!!!
I think because men and women have their inherent differences in the way their minds function (there’s an evolutionary explanation, but I’ll spare you haha) there’ll always be disharmony at times lol.
Oh and I’m gonna borrow that tulan pic ahhahaha it’s so ridiculously funny! Dun worry I’ll credit the source.
I think we’re allowed to nag at you guys. We will carry your children. 9 months of nausea, fatigue, back pain, mood swings and who knows what more (sorry, haven’t experienced yet). Some more, i see more and more women still work until they’re 8 months pregnant due to rising costs of living. And when the baby is out, we have to go back to work after 1 month maternity leave only. And then.. we have to take care of the baby (sleepless nights), work, come back and clean the house and take care of baby again… over and over. And u wonder why we are in bad mood.
Anyhoo.. before that happens, we are allowed to argue and nag u. Just to test u whether u can take the pressure or not. Have to test mah.. otherwise u guys cannot tahan, go and up and leave us when have children… how can??!?! Not only test, but also preparing and prepping u guys up as future husbands…
One good advice… If a girl never argues with u and agrees with everything u say, she’s not in it for the long run… yet.
P.S. I am in a relationship that has lasted for 4 years and counting… 1 year together and 3 years long distance. I am in Australia for studies and he is in KL for work. Still going strong… But yeah, we fight alot over the fone. 😀
A REPLY TO:
“Look at the way and attitute of girls nowadays, “We don’t need MEN~”, “We are INDEPENDENT~”, “MEN are Scums~”, “WhatEVER~” and etc…So, most of them really have that “Pride” up to Mars and really thinks men are useless piece of scum…
Men, be prepared to marry your dog~ That’s the future for us…
Target For Girls”
A reply to the above-mentioned comment. Do you know why we girls are becoming more and more independent? Coz, gone are the days of the Gentleman that we can rely on to take care of us. Guys nowadays, too unreliable. Abit of pressure also cannot tahan and then leave. We get abit fat also complain / look for other girls. So what are we supposed to do? Get independent lorrr… Since most guys seem to be only “fair-weather” friends. Here for us when we are sweet, but gone when we are in a bad mood. Cheh.
Yez.. i have had alot of shitty bfs that i have dumped. hehe.
Erm…the edited picture of a girl, she seems familiar to me..it’s Vivi isn’t? u know her?
eRM…I’m not so sure how true this post is since I’ve never commit myself in the serious relationship with guys, but I thought it’s not really that way..I mean, relationship…
I wish guys treat me the way that u told they’ll do. Not my luck I guess, to be pampered n spoil by a guy..it always the girl who’s suffer (my experience).
Or maybe it’s just how things work. If u love em’ more, the more u’ll suffer (no matter what ur gender is).
great comments…really just wanna know wats the latest blog…kenny.
so nwayz…SOS!!!!!I NEED SOME GOOD ADVICE.i jsut had a huge fight with my boyfriend we’ve been 2gether for 2yrs to date n with no doubt i love himn he rsepects me..the…fight well lets just say i want/need more of him,his time n everything else i understand he’s got a busy hectic work(i know for sure)but he always expects me to “understand the situation”we have greatconversations,great phone sex great actual sex…but wen i get heated up bout this issue i say the most hurtful things to him..”hurtful”i usually pick those particular things coz then i know he will respond but the day wednday last week.he expressed himself like….he’s never before….(he was angry…i could tel he had reserved this anger for only me…it felt like he hated me….)i had told him i wanted more from him n that he hadnnt done enough for me …lol wat was i thinking….he’s done so much for me…u dont understand i feel his anger,i had no right to say that.no right…..but how do isay sorry but still be able to adress what i actually feel….(please i need your coz see this is the 2nd time i have run my mouth,he’s good to me i just wish he would try harder to emotionally connect with…..ps…i’m 27 he’s 38 u think our age diffrnce sets sme kinda weired boundaries…just wondering…..
Eve was formed from Adam’s ribs. So ribbing their men is normal laaaaa…..
Realize that true happiness lies within you. Waste no time and effort searching for peace and contentment and joy in the world outside. Remember that there is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving. Reach out. Share. Smile. Hug. Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself. – Og Mandino
Some day, after we have mastered the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness the energies of love. Then, for the second time in the history of the world, MAN will have discovered FIRE!!! – Pierre Teilhard De Chardin (1881-1955)
How do the geese know when to fly to the sun? Who tells them the seasons? How do we, humans, know when it is time to move on? As with the migrant birds, so surely with us, there is a voice within, if only we would listen to it.
– Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Sorry, the quotes were displayed as Angelwings but was actually sent by Dragonfly66. Thanx 🙂
my sort of bf and i quarrel all the time, over the pettiest and most childish things. i think it’s ok, i actually enjoy it. its better than living in so-called harmony, since he is the MOST INCONSIDERATE listener in the world! >.
this is so true 🙁
well….if a couple will fight all the time..i dont see the point of getting together
for me fight can be avoided….jus have to discuss the problem…of cuz there will be misunderstanding…but a cold war is too much dont u think..
life is too short..if u love someone then make treasure everyday that u have with each other..