One of my pet peeves with Friendster is seeing people writing testimonials for people they don’t know.
I’m sure we’ve all seen testimonials like these before:
“HmmMMMmm… I dUnNo HeR 1 BuT shE ix berii cuTez aNd preTTyzzzzzzZZZZzzz…..!!! tHx f0R addinG mE tO yOuR FrenZ LiSt! StAy CutEz aNd PreTTy AlWiZZZZZzzzzz!”
Nabeh. You call that a testimonial?
Friendster limits people over 18 to join, but I swear my IQ dropped by half when browsing profiles of those 14 year olds, who cleverly pump their age up to 18 to fool the system. Some even more kiasu and put their age as 84 years old instead. Like talking to ah mah very appealing like that.
Does she look freakin’ 84 years old to you?
I think at the very least, testimonials should contain some substance about the person. They should describe the habits and traits of that person beyond what their profile pictures. Obviously that’s a little difficult considering the person who gives the testimonial and the person who receives it probably never even conversed at all.
So what I’ll do here is provide some hints on how to write good testimonials for people you’ve never met.
If you see them somewhere else, remember, you read it first at kennysia.com
1. Pretend Like They Are Your Long Lost Friend
“WENNY~~~~~!!!! So surprised to see you here on Friendster! ^_^ Haven’t heard from you since Form 3! I thought you went to Afghanistan liaw. But I chatted with Mr Laden on MSN last night and he said you were in London last week? What are you doing there? Keeep in touch ya???”
2. Give ’em A Trip Report
“T+00: read Wenny Sia’s profile.
T+02: surroundings become blur. v nice visuals.
T+03: getting warm in here.
T+05: everything’s so surreal.
T+07: my face is numb
T+10: feel like vomitting.
T+14: effects v strong now.
T+15: shit. cannot hold back. i’m nauseating
T+19: regurgitated on my keyboard. fuck.”
3. Treat ’em Like Weight Loss Products
“After looking at Wenny’s picture, my appetite disappears suddenly. I’m no longer hungry, and I stop having cravings. In fact, food isn’t all that interesting to me anymore. After 10 days, I lost 6kg of weight, 4% of bodyfat and 2 inches off my waist.
Thank you Wenny Sia!”
4. Rate ’em Like How Sammyboy Rates ‘Em
“Met her at L6H9.
looks: 4/10 (very average)
body: 5/10 (a bit fat. boobs hairy.)
CB: 6/10 (trimmed)
AR: din provide. din ask.
BJ: 1/10 (kena teeth a lot)
FJ: 8/10 (accomodating. tried many diff positions until CIM.)
Damage: $40
RTF: never in a lifetime”
Two more sleeps till Bloggers.SG!
Date: 16 July (Sat)
Blogging Workshop
Venue: Woodlands Regional Library Auditorium
Time: 10 am to 12 pm
Bloggers.SG Singapore Bloggers Conference
Venue: DXO at Esplanade
Time: 2 pm till late
Note: Got bellydancers leh. No, I’m not one of them.
If you wanna say hi to me, I’ll be at both events.
lol kena teeth :p
Very true my friend!
another great post 😀
Wahahahaha. You read Sammy Boy too? Notti notti. Sure you know what those abbr. mean or not? NB! I wanna say hi but I’m so so far away! Have fun at Blogger con, Kenny.
very nice, kenny, very nice. love testimonial style #4. i didn’t know you were trimmed? LOL.
dude, i think they put da age: 84, age: 86 ….. is bcoz they were born on that year ? am not too sure either.. just guessing 😉
nice reading ya blog!
hmmmm .. if i can make it, pls let me take a pic with ur big coconut ..
I did an experiment with Friendster,put in my real ‘ah mah’ age.
Result?—I haven’t got a single friend…yet. Perhaps u want to patronise me?
Tsk tsk. Looks like you’re familiar with Sammyboy’s rating method. Tsk tsk. Tsk tsk. I can’t tsk enough.
I will be stalking you.
Be afwaid. Be welly afwaid.
Belly lancer sexsaaay. All sho schlim one.
OMFG OH MAN #4 WAS GOLD.
Looks like someone’s actively reading The Hitchhiker’s Guide to Geylang.
Now we know what Kenny Sia is coming to Singapore for.
Eh, eh. Lemme maintain my innocence.
I don’t READ Sammyboy per se. Rather, I know what its all about.
FF! Stop Tsk Tsk-ing! If it weren’t for your blogspot entry on Sammyboy I wouldn’t even know a single thing about it! 😉
Hey Kenny, thanks for adding me to your friendster’s list tho’. No, I’m not one of those kids but nevertheless, I gotta admit, I’ve been reading your blog for a few weeks now (shame on me for not stumbling upon it earlier, huh!) and I’ve been hooked ever since.
Hell, I’ve even ditched aside my client’s proposal so I can log on to kennysia.com for my daily dose! Yeah it’s that bad but then you totally rawk! U’re way too funny… hopefully my boss doesn’t catch me laughing in front of my PC for too long. Keep it up!
At least your guide looks authentic. it’s 10 fold better than those testis using numbers and alphabets to form some kinda dolphin and rose signing off with cliche greetings like happy always and good luck.
Friendster iS tEh sUckZ dUdE~~~~
OmG eRrRRRr hi! wAn 2 fReN mE?!?
No BBBJ ah?
I dislike it more when people describe themselves as “a simple girl”.
er.. i’m guilty of “He is an asshole. Period.”
but hey, that’s some substance of my friend no? he even accepted the testimonial.
HELOO!!! KENNY SIA! So long tome no see!!! How Are you? I tought you got Married eh? So how was it? How many more months till become Papa?
*Steals your KFC Hot & Spicy Chicken*
yes.. i agree wif u but mm .. sometime i wrote testi like tat .. cos i had no idea to write wat .. so tat y …
Eh, sorry, can somebody provide the meaning to the abbr in #4? A little lost!
I’m puking twisties now after i saw your profile, thereby i’m gonna ban you from my list.
come to think about it.. my age is 84 in friendster too….
Right, you just highlighted some of the reasons as to why I find reading profiles on Friendster to be an irksome activity.
Really, there’s too much crap on Friendster testimonials, and people post stupid forwards and messages that are totally irrelevant to the concept of testimonials. Comments like “Hey, hi, how are you?” should be reserved for the Messages feature, you know?
Either they’re blind, or just plain ignorant.
eh kenny, explained to us what the shortforms meant!
AR: din provide. din ask.
FJ: 8/10 (accomodating. tried many diff positions until CIM.)
RTF: never in a lifetime”
AR, FJ, RTF, CIM!
Please explain! 😀
Very farnee…! Thanks for the tips. Man, Friendster testimonials will never be boring and irritating again.
yalah. so true..
some ppl even copy n paste testimonials..
omg. freakin’ lame.
Hell-larious. As usual.
Y u NeVa LeAve FreNsTeR TesTiMoNiaL 4 miiiiiiiiii?????!!!!!
NoW i DuN waN 2 FreN u LiAooo wOrrr!!! 🙁
th
hey that 84 yr old girl is from the philippines! hahaha! i’m from the philippines and i read your blog…ur one funny guy 🙂
hey that 84 yr old girl is from the philippines! hahaha! i’m from the philippines and i read your blog…u r really funny 🙂
crap this entry cracked me up!!!!! you’re a funny guy dude. i love your blog.
DUDE! i wrote the same entry like this last year.
Phew, for a moment I thought I was the only non-idiot out there in Friendster world. Does anyone get really lame and stupid things in their “Most Popular Searches in Your Network”? I swear my network is made out of idiots.
And shit kenny…
FJ: 8/10 (accomodating. tried many diff positions until CIM.)
Did u really have to put this image of you finishing off on your alter-ego??? Bastard…
HAHAHAHAHAHA. Another good one
cool post…
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I like this gurl
that girls is cute man !
u have her hp ?
just kinddin ,,, :op
hey…..
i like this…
how bout changin’ background ?
just kiddin’…..
CuTe Nmn NyAn…..UsefUlL tALagA AdD NyU Ko Sa FrIeNdsTer…..e2…joyce_iballa011@yahoo.com
alam nio bah kung panu ung mga overlay sa frienster d ako marunong mag code ng ganun ehhh
Coooollllll!!!!
hello guyz
i,,love,,you,,all
aiya~ only if my name is not wenny lah *sour*
hi der…
“payat… hehe pero cute kita nyo nnaman sa frienster ko di ba”
That looks very funny kenny.
help…for me testimonial adn comment
lol nice!
Almost fell off my chair laughing at the picture.
Then i really fell off after reading the ratings 😛
Great blog dude.
hi i am skalera my question is how can i make more frinds here in frindster if all profile are in privacy mode? how can i veiw people if there picture are in private mode how can invite them?
hi i am skalera my question is how can i make more friends here in friendster if all profile are in privacy mode? how can i veiw people if there picture are in private mode how can invite them? thank you pls reconsider
AR: din provide. din ask.
man naughty naughty!
I could agree with you about the annoying testimonials and even worse they “upgraded” themselves by sending images/flash it become extremely annoying when you want to browse through some pretty face’s profile, as they love to approve those nia beh comments haha
HAAHAHAHAHAHAH. this is funny.