The thing that never ceases to amaze me about countryside New Zealand is their endless landscape of lush rolling green hills.
You know what they remind me of?
The default Windows XP desktop.
Bungy Jumping In Auckland
New Zealand is widely known as the capital of extreme sports, and rightfully so.
I tell ya, those Kiwis are a bunch of crazy people.
When Malaysians have nothing else better to do, we watch a DVD, maybe play Counterstrike or write a blog. When Kiwis have nothing else better to do, those nutcases find an excuse to perform death-defying stunts like hiking through Antartica or jumping off a bridge for thrills.
The popular “extreme sport” known as bungy jumping, is in fact first commercialised by a New Zealander by the name of AJ Hackett.
Most of you guys probably don’t know this, but I am actually quite a pro in extreme sports. And by extreme sports, I mean gliding down the slide in a kid’s playground.
Extreme sheeps
Since I’ve travelled all the way to New Zealand, capital of extreme sports and home of commercialised bungy jumping, I figured why not give this easy little game a shot.
And what better place for my first bungy jump than at Auckland Harbour Bridge, the landmark icon of the City of Sails.
Bungy jumping off the Auckland Harbour Bridge costs NZD85/RM208 per person, which is pretty expensive considering what I’m about to put myself through. The fun begins as soon as I was suited up with a very tight harness.
Suddenly I feel like I about to engage in S&M activities.
Anyway, we were led to AJ Hackett’s purpose-built bungy jump pod, located about 10 minutes from their office underneath the Auckland Harbour Bridge.
The walk to the top was actually quite pleasant, if not for the fact that IT IS A VERY FAR WAY TO THE BOTTOM.
I never had a problem with a fear of height. But watching the water flow beneath the bridge is very different to knowing that you’re about to jump all the way down in a few minutes.
I looked down to the water. We were at least 40 metres up. That’s the height of a 15-storey high building. That’s like jumping off and freefalling from the top of Hilton Kuching.
By the time we reached the platform, I know there’s no turning back. At this point, I feel really stupid for paying over RM200 just to jump down a bridge.
There’s five of us, and the jumping order was decided in the order of decreasing weight. The instructor wrote our weight on our hand with red marker pen, which is really sad because for the rest of the day I had to walk around Auckland with my weight clearly written on my hand.
Insultingly, I was the heaviest among the group. That means I got to go first. *#%*&$&%$%!!
There’s nothing much I could do. All I did was sit there and letting him suit me up.
I was scared. No, I was terrified. In fact, I was pissing my pants. And there’s no toilet around.
Before I know it, I was teteering at the edge of the jumping platform, the instructor was holding onto my harness. And then he went “5 – 4 – 3 – 2 – 1 – GO!”
Just click to watch the video. Words cannot do this justice.
All I remember was that my veins were pumping as I stood on the ledge. I remember letting out a good scream, and as I jumped, my heart almost jumped out from my mouth. I remember reaching out to touch the icecold river water, then spinning and spinning aimlessly in midair as I waited for them to haul me up.
What I don’t remember is, WHY THE HELL AM I PAYING MONEY TO DO THIS?!
One thing for sure, the adrenaline rush I experienced was absolutely incredible.
Afterwards, we went back to the office and I was further raped by AJ Hackett for a set of photos and DVD costing NZD60 / RM147. In the end, I spent a total of about RM350 for my first bungy jump, and it was worth every single cent of it.
Best of all, I even got a certificate to prove myself.
Well, bungy jumping may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but this is one exhilarating activity that comes 100% recommended from me. We lived only once, so might as well make full use of it yea?
Bungy jumping is fun.
It’s like committing suicide. Without dying.
Singaporeans Love Their Chickens
I’m confused.
Why is that the computerised voiceover on Singapore MRT pronounce “Outram Park” as “Poo-Chor Park”, instead of the supposed“Out-Ram Park”?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
On a different note, I spotted this at a mobile phone repair shop in Dhoby Ghaut, Singapore.
Only those who can read Chinese will get this joke.
“Hello eskew me, what your latest model handheld chicken?”
Strange Pic Of The Week
This is a bit of an old news, but for those who didn’t know – tragedy struck Canada as a lone gunman brought a rifle to school and fired upon its students and teachers.
The newspaper last Friday carried this dramatic picture of people frantically rushing out of the school, obviously in terrible state of shock, feeling fearful of their lives.
I thought the photo published here was a great example of photojournalism. The photo captured the very essence of the moment as the story unfolded. Jeff Ooi and his folks at LensaMalaysia would’ve been proud. It’s as if the photographer was standing right there in front of the schoolyard at the right place and the right time, holding up his SLR camera, snapping photos of visibly distraught schoolkids as they dashed out.
But then I start to think about, and I begin to wonder… WHAT KINDA SICK PHOTOGRAPHER hangs around the front of the schoolyard with his camera, waiting for an emergency to happen just so he could take photos of frightened schoolkids running out!?
Upon closer inspection, I noticed something doesn’t seem quite right. In fact, I think I smell a rat. A big, fat, juicy rat.
Why was she smiling? She looks like she has just finished school and is about to go on a holiday. Hey I thought the only crazy person in the school is that teenage psycopath with the gun. Don’t tell me she’s finding this whole thing humourous!
Wah! Talk on the handphone somemore! Not scared he shoot you from behind is it!
Makes me wonder this photo real one or not. Don’t liddat simply put on newspaper bluff people one.
Travelling Again
Yes, I’m going on another holiday… AGAIN.
I’m leaving Thursday evening. This time it’s to Auckland, New Zealand.
My sister moved to NZ with her family earlier this year. I have not seen her for yonks and my travel bug is itching me again, so it’s the high time for me to pay her a visit.
The only problem is that my bank account is dwindling flat and Auckland isn’t exactly the cheapest destination to fly to. Flying the conventional way via Malaysia Airlines to Auckland would have set me back at least RM3,200. That is a hefty sum I could not afford.
Instead of crying and bitching about the expensive fare, I decided to just rough it out. Here’s a poor man’s guide to travel to New Zealand. It’s not the easiest way to get to New Zealand, but hey, I paid RM800 less travelling this way.
Take AirAsia from Kuching to Johor Bahru; board ‘The Smiling Bus’ from JB down to Singapore; smile at those IMF/World Bank delegates at Suntec City on your way; next day, take the MRT to Changi Airport; from the airport, board Air New Zealand all the way to Auckland. Then on return, repeat the same process ALL OVER AGAIN.
Man, what a long and arduous journey just to get to New Zealand. It’s like I’m travelling through Middle Earth.
My precioussssssss.
Kenny Sia Magazine Festival 2006
Have you ever walked into a news stand, and noticed how sometimes all the magazines have the exact same model on the covers?
It’s like one month, all the magazines have Amber Chia on the cover. Next month, it’s all Hannah Tan. It’s as if all the magazine publishers decided to come together and run a concerted campaign for these ladies.
I’m still waiting for my chance to grace the covers of the magazines here, although I’m pretty sure that’s about as likely as a fat boy rejecting another slice of pizza. By coincidence however, I did manage to appear on four separate publications this month.
I must admit, I still get a kick out of being interviewed by newspapers and magazines. Apart from being recognised on the streets constantly, doing interviews is about the only other time I actually felt like being a (pseudo) celebrity. It’s a huge ego masturbation for me, and god knows how important that is for a guy with balls the size of coconuts.
First, was the September 11th edition of StarTwo on the Perils of Blogging.
A few people have warned me how my blog could land me into trouble one day because I write about “sensitive issues” like the results of an online poll. These are the same people keep telling me to “delete this entry” and “delete that entry”, which I find a little unnerving. Are these people coming to kennysia.com to read what I have to say, or are they coming in here to watch me delete my entries right after I posted them up?
Maybe I’m the only one here, but I’m getting more positives out of my blog than negatives.
KLue Magazine approached me to write for them after they came across my blog late last year. The money is quite minimal compared to what I earn for my day job, but honestly I enjoy every minute I spent writing my column for them.
Seeing my name on the credits section of such a popular magazine gives me an inexplicable rush of satisfaction everytime. Another case of ego masturbation.
My face made a surprise appearance in this month’s FHM Magazine as well. Don’t worry, I was not in a bikini ok? (Then again hor, Malaysian version of FHM never featured chicks in skimpy bikinis one. Damn sien. Don’t they know that FHM without pics of chicks in skimpy bikinis is equivalent to drinking iced lemon tea – without ice, lemon and tea? Singaporean FHM is heaps better.)
At least, it’s something not blog-related for a change.
From left to right: Cheesie, me, Kid Chan, Shan and Sorryiforgotwhatshisname.
The photo was taken at the Martell Rise Above party when I was in KL. Cheesie and I were guests of wedding photographer celebrity Kid Chan, who was there because he was nominated for an award.
You gotta admire Kid Chan for his networking skills. I watched him in action. The guy can just walk into a room full of strangers, make small talks with all the powerful personalities and leave with a good impression on everyone’s mind.
I had an awkward moment when he introduced me to Miss Malaysia Universe Melissa Ann Tan. Kid Chan said to her something along the lines that I was the only “celebrity” he knew present at the party, to which the beauty queen could only react by staring at me in puzzlement, wondering who the hell I am.
I had a hard time fitting into the party because it was too atas from what I was used to. It even had to involve all the atas people like Xandra “Atas” Ooi and Jojo “Atas” Struys. In fact, it’s so bloody atas until it had to be held in an atas venue like KL Tower.
As if that’s not atas enough, they set up a friggin’ hot air balloon at the top of Bukit Nanas, so you could literally “rise above” the rest of KL and yell at the top of your lungs “OI! I AM MORE ATASTHAN ALL YOU PEASANTS, UNDERSTAND?!?”
How thoughtful.
The magazine appearance I am most excited about though is this month’s issue of New Man Magazine.
Darn thing took a full TWO WEEKS after it was published to arrive on our Sarawakian bookshelves.
JoyceTheFairy, Lainie Yeoh, Jeff Ooi and myself was interviewed at this place in Damansara called “Friendster Cafe”.
Yes, there’s a Friendster Cafe in KL. And all these while I thought it was only us Kuching people who can come up with extremely unimaginative business names.
Who knows? Maybe next time there’s gonna be a Xanga Bar, Blogspot Shop and Multiply Motel.
New Man is definitely one of the most entertaining magazines out there. Anyway, I won’t publish the entire article for the sake of copyright, so do get a copy of New Man at your nearest news stand if you have the chance.
Suffice to say, I like how the article turned out, especially when they took MY quote and put in BIG ORANGE FONTS. Whoa, like the things I said very important liddat.
Reading that interview masturbated my ego so much, it bukkaked all over my magazine.
So anyway, I was left there reading my stained mag, cover to cover, grinning like an oaf, only to turn back to the cover and saw these words.
WHAT! GEEK ISSUE?! Darn you Mr Editor! How could you con us into a doing an inteview then put us in your GEEK ISSUE!?
That is like asking me to be photographed for a Marie France ad, only to be have it used in the “BEFORE” section of their weight loss ad.
A Vote Of No Confidence
As we approach Malaysia’s other National Day on the 16th September, may I draw your attention to this online poll published on The Star Online‘s Merdeka website.
Not sure about everyone else, but personally I would pick the third choice. I am too young to live through all 49 years of Malaysia’s independance, but one thing I’m sure of is that our country has seen PLENTY of positive changes throughout the past 24 years of my existence.
Of course, we’re not as wealthy as Singapore or as well-developed as Hong Kong. But hey, despite a few mishaps I think our Prime Minster Abdullah Badawi has been doing a pretty good job thus far. And you know what? We may be slow but I reckon we’ll get there, eventually.
Imagine my shock when I clicked on the results and saw this.
Get this. 90% of those polled said we as a nation are maturing too slowly. NINETY FREAKING PERCENT!
That’s almost unanimous! If it’s 40%, I can probably accept. If it’s 70% I’ll be damn surprised, but I still won’t get a heart attack. But man, we’re talking 90% here. 90% of the people here are not happy with the speed of our development.
That means out of ten Malaysians, NINE of them thinks we’re progressing far too slowly. That is sad. That is something very, very discouraging to hear.
Are the ones happy with our progress so far do not have access to the Internet?
Are these the same ninety percent who voted our ruling party into government?
What exactly is going on?
I was thinking and thinking, wondering why so many people have so little confidence in the development of our country, but I just could not find an answer.
Then I thought, someone must be rigging this thing.
Someone malicious out there must be sitting in front of his computer, clicking “No, we’re maturing too slowly” MULTIPLE TIMES just to sabotage the results of the online survey. I reckon that someone must be doing it because he wanted to make the present administration look bad. And he’s doing it to make Abdullah Badawi look like a lousy Prime Minister.
Whaddya know? A big bird from Kubang Pasu sent me this pic that seems to explain everything.
I KNEW IT, DR M!
Really Honest DVD Cover
I went to my local friendly neighbourhood pirated DVD store today looking to purchase the movie Zoolander, a movie banned over here for the obvious reason that the plot centres around a fashion mogul trying to assassinate the Prime Minister of Malaysia.
I didn’t have much luck locating the movie however.
In my desperation to pick up a stupid comedy for a dose of laughter though, I come across a recent flick by Jim Carrey called Fun With Dick and Jane.
It’s a few months old movie that I didn’t have the chance to catch in the cinemas because I was probably too busy with work then. I still want to watch the movie now just because Jim Carrey is in it, but I don’t actually know what the movie is about. After all, the title of the movie is not as obvious as say, Snakes On The Plane.
As is the case with deliberately vague movie titles, I decided to read the synopsis at the back of the DVD cover before parting with my precious RM8. Just wanna check if it’s a good movie, y’know?
Then I read this.
WHAT! It’s not even worth the price of popcorn!? Forget it, I’m not buying this stupid DVD!
This Routine Truly Isn’t Exactly Normal
Things like this don’t happen everyday.
I went out on a routine Saturday night, chilling out at Mojo with some friends over wine and local music. Friend of mine brought along a pretty hot chick, someone I’ve never met before (or so I thought). Tasteful clothes, great waist-length hair, clearly a fashionista.
My friend left for a while, so he asked me to entertain his female companion in his abscence. I helped him out, but I got frustrated after 5 minutes because I felt she was being too stand-offish and mysterious.
Kenny: “So where were you at before you decided to come home to Kuching?”
Girl: “I was… somewhere.”
Kenny: “Where?”
Girl: “Somewhere lah!”
Speaking of which, one of my pet peeves when striking up a conversation with someone new is when the other person deliberately avoids answering even the most rudimentary questions about themselves. It makes me feel like a terrorist.
Doesn’t matter. I bid farewell to my friends when the night drew to a close and gave no further thoughts to the events going on that night.
That is, until my friend sent me an SMS the next day asking me to call him back urgently.
It’s so urgent he even wrote “back” wrongly. I wondered why he wanted me to call him black when he’s clearly Chinese.
I rushed out to meet him, thinking someone’s probably critically injured or something bad happened. Then I found him sitting idly by at the coffeeshop having his lunch. I asked him what’s so urgent, and he told me to wait.
A few minutes later, someone joined us at the table – it’s the hot chick from last night. She had called up my friend early in the morning, telling him there’s something important that she wanted to tell me personally.
“Do you still remember me?” she asked me in Mandarin. Strange, because last night I was speaking to her in English.
I looked at her once. I looked at her twice. “Last night was the first time I met you,” I said.
Cold sweat started forming on my forehead. A million wild thoughts going through my head.
Who is this girl? Why does she sound like she knows me? Have I met her before? Did I owe her money? *gasp* Did I once make her pregnant?
She gave me a resigned smile and told me her Chinese name. It rang a bell in my head. A school bell.
“We were classmates from Primary School, remember?”
Really? But she looks so… different now. I didn’t have much memory of her because we weren’t close in school and I left shortly after completing Primary 5. I didn’t even ask her to leave a message in my cute Little Bob Dog autograph book! Come to think of it, I don’t even keep in touch with much of my primary or secondary school mates now. Most of them probably don’t even know about the existence of this blog.
Then she added, “you once gave me a farewell card. After that, you just left and I never saw you again. I suddenly remembered who you are from last night because your voice sounded very familiar.”
This is awkward. Here’s a hot-ass fine-looking lass chatting with me happily about things from 13 YEARS AGO, and there I was staring at her blankly without the faintest recollection about her. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!
Sien. I’m just gonna end this blog entry abruptly. I’m still reeling from the shock ok? Can’t be bothered ending it with a funny one-liner.
I think I shall go bang my head against the wall right now. Bye!
Close One Eye
The other day, I was talking to my friend *Diane, and something she said left me quite rattled.
These pair of legs are proudly sponsored by naeboo.
She said to me that if a woman wants to marry a successful husband, live a good life and be happy, then she should learn how to close one eye to her husband’s extra-marital affairs. Her theory being that most successful men do not stay loyal to their wives. When the lure of a younger meat comes along, it would be too difficult for any man to resist.
She spoke of her own experiences and the numerous times that rich, married men made a pass on her and her girl friends. As much as she was disgusted by their behaviour, she accepted it as a fact of life, something realistic that is bound to happen in an unidealistic world like this.
It was a hard pill for me to swallow but it sure kept me thinking for a while.
Are women these days so disillusioned that they’re willing to accept a less-than-perfect marriage in return for an above-average lifestyle? Are the current crop of married women thinking the same way as well? That successful men are likely to be unfaithful, and not-so-successful men are likely to be more loyal.
Because if that’s the case, then I reckon us men are in big trouble. Because that means women are marrying us thinking that we are either always gonna cheat. Or they marry us because they think we are a bunch of losers.
*Diane wasn’t the only person who thought that way. Another friend of mine, *Sylvia, a Kuching girl married to a Japanese told me exactly the same thing.
“If my husband went and slept with an 18-year-old girl, I’m not gonna blame my husband. Men have their needs what. There’s no way that my saggy body is going to compete with that of a young teenage girl.” She claimed “Instead of blaming my husband, I’m gonna feel sorry for the girl for giving her body away to a man who’ll come home to me at the end of the day.”
Whoa! Hang on a minute, am I missing something? I thought marriage is a union between a mommy and a daddy. Not between a mommy and a daddy who decided it’s a good idea to get another mommy when he’s bored with the original mommy. What has the world come to?
I couldn’t accept what they’re saying, because it seems preposterous enough that a married man should go around sleeping with a younger woman. Let alone have that act sanctioned by the wife! All my life I’m brought up to believe that once a man is married – that’s it, dating game is over. Your responsibility is now to your family. No more hanky-panky, no more fooling around.
On the other hand, I could see where the girls are coming from.
Let’s face it, every women out there wants to marry a successful guy and lead a good life. Last time, if you ask a girl what she wanted to be when she grows up and she’ll tell you “a nurse”, “a scientist” or “teacher”.
These days you ask a girl the same question and she’ll say “I wanna be Paris Hilton” or “Victoria Beckham”!
Sure, when you first got married, you’re all lovey-dovey, hunky-dorey and all those mushy adjectives ending with “-ey”. The husband became successful in his career, made a lot of money and began to meet lots of people, some of whom are young attractive women who find men like him with financial stability very sexy.
He started to have doubts in his mind, but when he came home to his messy house, his wrinkle-infested overweight wife and his Dolby Surround Sound™ bawling child, he’s gonna wonder what the hell is he doing with his life. Outside, there’s a young sexy lady wanting to blow his mind, and he’s turning her down for the sake of morality? Screw morality!
Of course, these girls would much rather their men stay faithful. In a perfect world, that would be the case. In a perfect world, there’s no AIDS, people don’t forward irrelevant SMSes and my fart smells like daisies. But for as long as my fart smells like rotten eggs, these girls are saying that they’re prepared to accept the next best thing. And that is to allow their husbands’ infedility.
If you ask me, if I can’t have both then I’d much rather have a less successful career and more of a happy family. Part of the reason why rich and successful men are having affairs with younger women is because when they were young, they worked so hard to build their career that they missed out the joys of being young.
Then they hit mid-life crisis.
I never want that to happen to me.
That’s why I plan to marry late, so I could get all the fooling and flirting around out of my system before I commit to one woman and one woman only, for the rest of my life, till death do us part.