Back in high school, I was sitting next to this Good Christian Girl. One day, we received our assignments for the week, and upon looking at the questions involved I exclaimed “OH MY GOD!”
Good Christian Girl turned to me in shock and said “You just swore!”
Puzzled, I looked back at her and said “Noleh… I only said ‘Oh My God’. What did you hear?”
“You swore again!” yelled the Good Christian Girl. “You used God’s name in vain.”
I cocked my eyebrows and said “But I’m not Christian…”
“Yes I know, but I feel offended that you insulted my God.”
“Har? I where got insult your God? Relax lah… Jesus!”
“Now you’ve said Jesus’ name in vain!”

I’m gonna put my final words on this long pointless debate that seems to go round and round with no end.
I’m not a subscriber of the Christian faith. I’m not a subscriber of the Islamic faith.
I’m a subscriber of Astro. But that’s besides the point.
My point is, I believe in respecting one another’s religion. By that I mean I CANNOT tolerate people inciting hatred, and I CANNOT tolerate people slurring on a religion or race.
Example: “Chinese guys have pencil dicks.“

My pencil.

However I also believe in tolerence that works both ways.
If I’m not a subscriber to your faith, am I expected to follow your way of life? Your code of ethics? Of course not.
For a non-Christian to follow the code of a Christian is as absurd as the Singaporean Court following Australia’s book of law!
If I don’t subscribe to Christianity, and I said words like “Oh My God”, which to the majority of the people is fine, then won’t you agree that my Good Christian Girl is guilty of over-reacting?
(Btw, some Christians I know do not masturbate and do not believe in the use of condoms because they believe semen should only be used for breeding babies, otherwise it’s considered murder. Lucky I don’t have to follow their way of life)

By the same token, I am not Muslim so if I use the word “Al**h” in vain, or rear a dog, or play 4D, which again to most people is fine, then am I in the wrong or are you being overly sensitive?
The point again and again is that this is NOT a racial NOR a religious issue. It is about accepting a reasonable level of political incorrectness. It is about you understanding me, me understanding you. It is about accepting the fact that not everyone is going the live the life you want them to live, and not everyone is going to say the words you want your ears to hear.
We have our differences, but we TOLERATE our differences. We don’t ask people to take down posts because you think it offend yourself eventhough most people are fine with it. Just like we don’t stop people from yelling over the microphone at 5am every single morning when most people are still in bed.
We TOLERATE it. And THAT, to me, is the key to harmony.
End of discussion.

Continue reading →

So I was talking to JoyceTheFairy, and she was lamenting to me how difficult it is to buy Christmas gifts for men.

Let’s face it, when it comes to exchanging gifts on Christmas, more often that not, the guys always seem to end up on the losing end. Whether it’s for your boyfriend, your boss, your dad or your bro, a lot of girls are just clueless when it comes to buying gifts for men.
Anyone who’s ever been out birthday shopping with girls would know. Girls, they strut into the shopping centre early in the morning with one thing in mind: hunt down that perfect gift for that perfect guy. Five hours later, they walk out of the shopping centre with 3 pairs of heels, 4 handbags, 2 skirts, 5 tops, two of which have same design but different colour, and NO birthday present for that poor birthday dude.

For far too long, men have endured having to receive crappy presents from girls, only to forcefully put up a weak smile when we unwrap the presents and discover – what a surprise – the FIFTH pair of GODDAMN SOCKS AND BOXERS YOU GAVE US EVERY YEAR FOR 5 YEARS STRAIGHT.
But in the name of maintaining civil harmony, we pretend to be excited just to make you happy. We may not like your presents, but we sure would still like to walk away on our own two feet without medical assistance.

That is why I’m representing the male population of this world to say this: enough is enough. This Christmas, I’ve decided to put together this nifty guide for the girls on how to buy gifts for men.

WHAT TO BUY FOR MEN: Gadgets
You can never go wrong with gadgets.
Guys love gadgets. If your guy doesn’t like gadgets, please check if your guy is actually, y’know, a “guy”.

The Best Gadgets This Season:

• Panasonic Lumix FX9 (~ RM1,600): Compared to Canon’s Ixus, Casio’s Exlim, Nikon’s S series, this is in my opinion the best of the small cameras.
• Apple iPod Nano (~ RM1,000): Nothing but the iPod. Not Creative. Not iRiver. iPod. You don’t go for Bata when you can get Manolos for a few dollar extra.
• O2 XDA Atom (RM2,899): The sexiest new PDA phone is as expensive as a notebook, but if my girl buys me this, I’ll be her slave for 5 days 4 nights (inclusive of 5% govt tax and 10% service charge, minibar not included).

It’s pricey, but any man who doesn’t want those as presents is obviously a liar. Besides, you can always share among a few people and split the costs.

WHAT TO BUY FOR MEN: Ties
If gadgets is out of your budget, get them some quality silk ties.

If most guys are like me, but I find it bloody difficult choosing a proper, corporate-ready tie for work. To me, they all look the same. I tried buying ties on my own. I wore them once or twice, disgusted by my own taste and then went back to wearing the same old ties all over again.
Most girls, I notice, have no problems picking out the hit from the shit.
Where to get good ties:

• Raoul (~RM200)
• G2000 (~RM89)
• Zara (~RM I forgot)

As a rule of thumb, stay clear from loud or cartoon ties, make sure they are not filmsy and soft to touch, and choose a tone and pattern that best complements his work attire.
Besides, they make great handcuffs in bed.

WHAT TO BUY FOR MEN: PC Games
Ok so you probably cannot afford thousand dollar gadgets, or maybe the guy you’re buying for is in Standard 6 so he probably won’t be wearing any neckties for the time being.

How the heck am I supposed to play with this thing?!

Under NO circumstances should you get him a pair of I-Love-You-You-Love-Me soft toy bears! It may look sweet, but trust me, we honestly don’t like it as much as girls do. Because we can’t play with it! There’s nothing fun with playing with a soft toy bear!
Instead, get him one of this season’s best PC games. Make sure you get original ones ‘cos the pirated OEM versions don’t allow you to play online.

• World of Warcraft – if he likes real time strategy.
• Civilization IV – if he likes fake time strategy.
• Battlefield 2 – if he likes to pretend he’s a World War 2 combatant going around shooting people.

Be careful though, these games are super addictive. You really have to be mentally and physically prepared for him spending less ‘quality time’ with you and more ‘quality time’ with his computer.
Don’t be too surprised if he emerged from his room 3 days later looking like The Undead from World of Warcraft.

Your boyfriend ah?

“But it’s soooooo expensiveeeee!” I hear you say.
Bullshit.
Bring you go cinema watch movie, you think the tickets pirated one ah? Drive you here and there, you think petrol free one ah? Take you eat at fancy restaurants, you think our mother cook there ah?
What’s a few thousand dollars compared to all these money love we showered on you this past one year? I rest my case.
Guys, you can thank me later with a nice cold jug of beer.

Continue reading →