David Tao Showcase – Live in Kuching 2005

Event Coverage 33 Comments

Last evening I had the opportunity to attend the David Tao Concert… sorry… Showcase that’s held in the MBKS Indoor Stadium in Pending. The major sponsor of this event was Maxis Hotlink. The deal was: if you purchase a Hotlink startup SIM pack for RM30, you’ll get 6 tickets to the Showcase, as well as 20% off the latest David Tao CD. The reason why its called ‘Showcase’ and not ‘Concert’ is an important one, as I found out why when the evening progressed.
David Tao 'Showcase' ticket

The David Tao ‘Showcase’ ticket that I bought from an opportunistic passerby.

I can’t be bothered paying RM30 for six tickets as I have no plans of bringing 5 of my non-existent Kuching friends to come with me. All I want is one ticket for myself, so I showed up at the stadium hoping to do just that. I had no luck, as the Hotlink salesperson insisted that that I sign up for their prepaid card and get six tickets. Finally, someone with spare tickets offered to sell me one of his for RM10, so I obliged.
Enemy at the gates?

HELLOOOO… aren’t you supposed to be, like, saving the world?

The first thing that caught my eye as soon as I arrived in the stadium is the presence of military personnel. I’m not talking about the 5 or 6 of them that’s directing the traffic outside the stadium. I’m talking about a total of about 50 of them inside and outside the stadium! For a moment, I thought I was attending a concert by Mahathir.
How many military pesonnel

Count how many military personnel is in this picture. No prizes for correct guesses.

The second thing that caught my eye was the crowd in attendance. There was nothing, NOTHING that can prepare me for the horror that I had to witness. This event shouldn’t even be called a David Tao Showcase. It should be called the AhBeng-AhLian Fashion Showcase.
Behold, the latest in Kuching fashion…

The pink panthers!
The pink panthers!

The skinny-ass gangster-wannabe!
The skinny-ass gangster-wannabe! (aka la-la zhai)

The Ayumi Hamasaki-wannabe
The Ayumi Hamasaki-wannabe! (aka la-la loui)

And my personal favourite…

The embroidered quarter-pants!
The embroidered quarter-pants!

Faces have been pixelated or cropped to protect the ‘innocent’ (or was that the ‘guilty’) party.

The concert/showcase was supposed to start at 8pm. I went in there around 7:30pm hoping to get a good spot since its free-seating/standing, but alas, the stadium was already half-full. Nonetheless, with my handsome good looks, I managed to charm my way to the front, about 4 rows from the barricade.
Some teenage girls told me that they’ve been waiting since 6:30pm. If these kids go to school with the same enthusiasm they have coming to this event, their parents would be proud. The place was so packed and the air was so humid. As I waited among the crowd I was already sweating profusely. I thought I’d never complain about being surrounded by teenage girls, but mannnn… that night I was just hoping that those girls would leave me alone!
Fan with fan

Fans with the hands

Looking at the above picture, you must be thinking that the fans were going wild because David Tao just came on stage. Well, you are wrong. The big-ass cardboard “hands” provided by Maxis were used to fan the fans (err..?) themselves.
That DJ who can't cheer Kuching people up.

That DJ who can’t cheer Kuching people up.

The time was about 8:15pm but there were still no signs of the popular Taiwanese singer. Instead, we were treated to some monologue by a DJ from 98.8FM (which I never listen to), who tried to get the crowd going wild, with no success. Kuching people are made of wood I tell you.
Then came the stupidest, most time-wasting, most horrible part of the evening. The DJ tried to get people from the crowd to come on stage to play a game. After a good 20 minutes trying to get people with names like “Catherine”, or “David” up on stage, she ended up with five guys. The game? Each of them must sing a 2-minute snippet of a song from David Tao’s latest album, and the crowd will be the judge of their performance.
Total time waster.

Yes, they are reading lyrics off the album cover. Yes, its a coincidence 3 of them wore sleeveless. Yes, their singing was absolutely horrible. Simon Cowell would be proud.

For obliterating our eardrums and causing us mental instability, the DJ rewarded the five of them with prizes from Maxis Hotlink. I managed to catch up with one of the contestants after the show (Vincent, the guy on the extreme right), and he showed me what he received. A cardboard hand, a poster, a Maxis writing pad, a Maxis brochure, another Maxis brochure, all in a crappy Maxis paper bag. Not a mobile phone, not a sim card, not even a bloody CD. Those tight-ass selfish wankers.
David Tao appeared on stage

David Tao appeared on stage after much wait.

After another bout of trying to get us cheer David Tao’s name, the famed artist himself appeared on stage. He wore a pink Abercombie & Fitch T-shirt, slim fit tattered jeans, and a white belt so feminine I reckon Nicole would look good in it. I’m sorry girls, I like his music as well, but I just don’t see the physical appeal of this Taiwanese singer. You call him metrosexual, I call him a guy who had forgotten to pack his testicles from Taiwan.
David Tao in Kuching

David Tao singing ‘Ai Wo Hai Shi Ta’

David Tao’s first song on stage was ‘Ai Wo Hai Shi Ta?’ (literally “Do you love me or him?”). Let’s just say I was expecting a live band or something. The last two concerts I’d been to in Perth (Craig David and Vanessa Amorosi) both performed with live bands, and this one just disappoints. The vocal was good, but the background music was flat. It was just a glorified Karaoke show.
David Tao in Kuching

David Tao singing ‘Susan said’

David Tao’s second song on stage was ‘Susan Said’, which is one of my favourite songs on the new album. If you’ve heard the song before, you’d recognise that there’s a falsetto portion of the song followed by a rap which was really well done. (A ‘falsetto’ is when a guy deliberately make his pitch higher than usual in singing). The song itself was good, but when it came to David Tao doing the falsetto, I could see him struggling when he smiled nervously. I heard two voices, which led me to believe that the falsetto portion of the song was recorded into the Karaoke track. I was disappointed. He did the rap pretty good though.
David Tao’s third song… wait, that’s it. That’s the end of the singing. Two songs. Yes, my friends, and that’s the difference between a ‘Showcase’ and a ‘Concert’. After all that waiting, standing, squeezing with hundreds of sweaty teenage girls, and putting up with horrible singing from the five guys… what did I get? Two sucky Karaoke-fied songs. You know a concert is crap when the pre-show games lasted longer than the actual singing itself.
David Tao autographed

How I wasted a rare close-up photo of David Tao with my shaky hands.

The rest of the evening was allocated for the autograph session. The DJ emphasised that only the outer cardboard cover of the latest CD or cassette will be signed. Nothing else. Clearly that’s to promote his CD sales. But even if I have bought the CD and asked to have him sign the poster, the security… sorry, I meant military personnel wouldn’t let me. I have no idea why, but I’m not stupid enough to argue with our army men. No cameras were allowed on stage as well, but I managed to snap a blurry picture of David Tao close-up before 5 soldiers tackled and escorted me away.
David Tao autographed album

My autographed David Tao album is now for sale. RM50.

I did manage to get David Tao’s autograph on the CD. I bought it for RM35 on the day of the event. Then I thought… why the hell am I putting myself through all the crap just to get this stupid CD? This is a concert… I mean, showcase that wasted a good 2.5 hours of my life with 2 bloody songs! Its an event I’d rather forget. Which is why I am now putting this CD for sale, RM50, registered postage included to all parts of Malaysia/Singapore. 🙂
Anyway, I actually lined up again after the crowd subsided. I was hoping that if I’m the last few person, David Tao might actually be so kind as to pose for a photo with me. No such luck. I asked him politely “Wo Ke Yi Gen Ni Pai Yi Zhang Zao Ma?” (Can I have a photo with you please?). He said “Dui Bu Chi, Wo Bu Neng” (Sorry, I can’t). And before I knew it, I was tackled and escorted off stage again.
With nothing left to see or do, I went home. Meanwhile, I can sleep soundly, safe from the knowledge that in the event that my home country of Malaysia was invaded, the first thing our troops do would be to stage a live concert.
Malaysian army
May God bless them.

Osim iSqueez Foot Massager Review

Reviews 85 Comments

Osim is a company founded in Singapore that specialises in “health” products. By “health” products, I meant products like massage chairs and ‘weight loss belts’. Initially I thought that the company is Japanese because “OSIM” is “MISO” spelt backwards. Miso being my favourite Japanese soup. Anyway, the success of the company is incredible, transforming from an obscure company a few years ago, to a multi-million dollar corporation that expanded rapidly in Singapore, to Malaysia and in fact, the world.


Those Singaporeans sure are damn serious about their health.
Osim iSqueez foot massager

Osim iSqueez – Squeeze your legs (and maybe other body parts) for better health.

Osim iSqueez is yet another item in the list of many products that popularizes the use of small letter ‘i’ in the name, after Apple’s iPod, Helwett-Packard’s iPaq and George W Bush’s iRaq. The iSqueez (yes, that’s the correct spelling – no ‘e’ at the end) is a foot massage gizmo that, according to them, is “specially created to relief the negative effects of everyday stress on your feet and restore your overall sense of well-being”.
Whatever.
Osim iSqueeze price tag

At RM1,388 the Osim iSqueez does not come cheap.

Someone bought one of these baby as a gift to my father, which costs RM1,388 from the Osim outlet in Tun Jugah Shopping Mall. Unfortunately my father prefers a real foot reflexologist than some thousand dollar gadget. There are other types of foot massagers available, but I reckon most of them should be marketed under “Foot Tickler” label instead.
Osim iSqueeze back of the box

Osim iSqueez’s package looks very inviting.

The back of the box brags about the foot massager even further. “The revitalizing massage relaxes and restores, giving you that extra bounce in your steps, just like walking on clouds!” Heh. Man! Walking on clouds? The last time I heard someone THAT boastful is when I told people I wear XL size condoms.
Well, I like the overall design of the packaging. Props to the designer to come up with such a nice colour scheme. Oh, did I mention that it has a similar colour scheme to kennysia.com? Heh, it is a good colour scheme I tell you, white and light blue.
Anyway, the box itself already look pretty very inviting to the wallet. Of course, a few pictures of some nice smooth pair of legs wouldn’t hurt either. 🙂
Different ways of using the Osim iSqueeze

Different ways of using the Osim iSqueez.

There’s many different ways of using the foot massager. I would think that the most common way to use it is with you sitting down on a chair or sofa. Considering how heavy it is, I don’t think its something you would want to use lying down. After all if you happen to doze while using it, you might very well kick that lug of a thing down to the floor and break it.
Osim iSqueeze Actual photo
And here’s the actual photo of the Osim iSqueez. You are forgiven if you mistaken it for a toaster.
There are handles on two sides of the unit. Too bad there’s not much use of them considering the iSqueez is about as heavy as a PC, and you won’t be carrying it around much. Unless you wanna show it off to people, Singaporean style.
Osim iSqueeze Actual photo
The product is sturdy and well constructed. There’s two slots where you insert your feet and that’s where the action begins. These slots are covered with removable pieces of cloth, which you can (and should) wash regularly.
Osim iSqueeze Actual photo
All the buttons you need are located at the top part of the unit, one each for power, vibration and kneading (squeezing). You can set the strength of vibration to high or low (auto will alternate between the two), and the strength of kneading action (1 for strongest).
Osim iSqueeze Actual photo
So let’s see how the Osim iSqueez fare in action.
With the power off, I put my feet down into the slots (Pardon the hairy legs). The base and sides of the slots are uneven, but comfortable. The best way to describe the sensation is if you imagine yourself barefoot standing on a riverbank full of rounded rocks and pebbles.
Then, I set to vibration level to high. 🙂
Osim iSqueeze vibrating
…
Sorry, that was a bit of an exaggeration. How did it go? I felt like I’m wearing a vibrating condom of each of my feet. Nothing to shout about. I get exactly the same effect by rapidly shaking my legs whilst sitting down.
So I enabled the kneading action and set it to the second most powerful setting available.
Osim iSqueeze kneading in action
.
..
…
Excuse me while I return from heaven.
I doubted it initially, but I have to say… OH MY GOD, IT FELT SO FOOKING GOOD IT WAS ORGASMIC!!!
No, I did not wet my chair.
The first thing that happened as soon as I activated the kneading option, was the walls of the slots pressing in towards my lower legs. It felt very tight. At this point I felt as if I was wearing Nicole’s boots, comfy but darn tight.
Then the action began. Balls of silicone rolled onto my feet, my ankles and my calves. All of them focussing on the right pressure points. Within seconds, I was already lying back on the chair with my eyes closed, snoozing. Without looking, it really felt like two giant hands squeezing my feet, ankles and calves simultaneously. At this point, I started to wonder if I’m still straight, gay or machine-lover. It felt so painful, so sore, yet so pleasurable. (What the foot am I talking about here?)
There’s only one issue when something so magical works on you – you keep screaming “more! More! MORE!”. Although the iSqueez was touching me at all the right spots on my lower-legs, I was hoping it could do something about my toes and the base and roof of my feet. Those are the areas that need massages as well, and they seem left out from all the action.
After 5 minutes of massaging on the same spot, I started to feel rather sore and uncomfortable. I turned the power off, tried to get up and walk, but I floated instead because my feet felt so light. Seems like Osim wasn’t lying when they said you would feel like you’re walking on clouds.
Osim iSqueeze makes you walk in the clouds!
Stupid iSqueez. Damn you for being so fucking comfortable!
Anyway, is this thing worth RM1,388? I don’t know. I think its quite expensive for something that’s good for one thing. It feels good initially, yes, but you do get sore after a while so its not particularly relaxing or addictive.
Then again, that’s just my personal opinion. Honestly, its not something I would want to buy for myself because I know its probably just gonna sit there and gather dust after a while. I won’t be surprised if Osim follows Apple’s foodsteps and perhaps come up with Osim iSqueez photo (lets you take pictures of yourself in heaven) or Osim iSqueez mini (portable lightweight version of the iSqueeze). Then again, I wouldn’t hold my breath. 🙂
That said, I so totally love the idea of a foot massager that squeezes your legs. I’m not kidding when I said that it feels really good and it really relaxes you. Shoppers who frequent enormous shopping malls like those in KL and Perth would really appreciate this nifty gadget. If you have some spare RM1,388 lying around, then get it.
Now…. if only Osim can come up with something similar for my manhood……

A Bad Influence To Kids

Out of the Ordinary 7 Comments

I had wanted to update last night. I bought myself a wireless router, tried to be a smart ass and set it up with my existing ADSL modem, and ended up with no internet connection at home for the whole night. Heh. Anyone wanna hire me to set up their company’s internet connection?
Update: The reason to all my woes? An outstanding StreamyX bill of RM470. Sometimes, all the technical knowledge in the world is no use when you can’t even remember to pay your bills.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Team America
SPOTTED:
Team America: World Police DVDs in the Children’s DVD section.
At least we know what went wrong when the kids start singing “Malaysia… FUCK YEAH!”

Two Weeks Since I Left

Re-discovering Myself 8 Comments

Its been two weeks since I left Perth.
I have more or less settled down in Kuching, although I do experience reverse culture shock every now and then.
Kuching's cityscape

Kuching’s cityscape… somehow can’t be compared to Perth’s cityscape.

I reckon I still need time to fit into my new job. My work here involves overlooking the use and implementation of information technology within the company because I am one of the few people who have experience and knowledge in that area. Things are going rather slow at the moment, but I’m sure thats just the calm before the storm.
The sole reason I returned to Kuching is to be with my father. His health has always been my biggest concern since day one. I find comfort seeing the smile on his face everytime I talk to him about my day at work and the happenings in his company.
Most of the time, my father spent the day resting on the reclining chair in the living room. When he’s awake he takes his food, medication and goes to the toilet. At 9pm everyday, an expert foot reflexologist we hired visits him. We try to speak to him whenever he’s awake. He answers softly instead of with the booming voice we knew. Lately, he’s been exhibiting amnesiac tendencies. He used to have five cigarette lighters, all of which went missing because he forgot to take them out of his shirt pocket or something.
20050313-2.jpg

My father’s favourite cigarette lighter.

Whilst I am piling on weight because I can’t find a decent gym + irresistable Kuching food, my father is losing weight steadily. There’s no need for scales to prove that. He needs lotion to be applied on his upperback every evening before he sleeps, and I have been helping him do that. I can see the transformation with my own eyes – trust me, the hardest thing to do is to stop myself from breaking down and cry in front of him.
We have been assured by the German doctor and the cancer survivors who have been on the same treatment plan as he is that what he’s experiencing is a difficult, temporary but normal process. I seriously hope that what they say is true.
20050313-5.jpg

The foot reflexologist works on my father’s feet every evening.

I am so utterly financially broke. I remembered when I first went to Perth, I’d see the price tag of something, mentally convert it from AUD to MYR, say how expensive it is, and put it back. These days, I pick up something, mentally convert it from MYR to AUD, rave about how cheap it is, and put it into my shopping trolley. The fact of the matter is that I’m not earning Australian dollars anymore and I can’t spend like I used to. I sold off almost all my possessions in Perth at ridiculously low prices, spent tons of money to courier the remaining stuff over to Kuching and now I’m left with not much, except an almost empty wallet and a credit card debt that I’m still figuring out how to pay.
20050313-7.jpg

Tiffy + Jacky = unlimited entertainment watching them argue. Two of my fav people in Perth.

I miss the gang in Perth and I miss our weekly rendezvous for coffee and cake at Moon Cafe. I miss Jacky’s little-boy antics, I miss Tiffany’s funny exaggeration of everything, I miss Dine & David’s good food, I miss the guys at Spectra, I miss my sister and her boy Jayden… I miss them all. I looked at the photos I took of my house in Perth, my neighbourhood, the path where I jogged along every morning. These are all gone, all no longer mine. Looking at the photos is me like falling into that dream once again. I wake up when I put the photos away and find myself in an unfamiliar bedroom that’s not mine.
20050313-4.jpg

Waterford – the neighbourhood I used to live in.

I’m missing Nicole like crazy. I’ve been missing her the moment I stepped through the departure gates at the Perth International Airport. Not a day goes by without me thinking about her, worrying if she has been eating for the day, if she found a job or if she has spent all her money on another L.A.M.B. bag.
There’s shouldn’t really be anything for me to worry because she’s well taken care of by our friends over there. Then again, it truly is the first time she’s been completely independant from her family and myself, and I feel powerless because I can’t take care of her. We speak to each other on the phone consistently almost everyday. Somehow it just doesn’t feel the same.
20050313-3.jpg

The pond I always past by in my morning jog. The ducks attacked me once because I ran too fast towards them.

The way things are right now, I don’t like it. I am going through a dark period in my life, I am depressed, I know I have to be strong, but who am I to kid?
If only I were to have the remote control to my life, I’d rewind it back to the time before all these had happened.

Kuching City Council gave me a Present

Distinctively Kuching 27 Comments

A few days ago, I went to Satok Shopping Center to have my Xbox machine modified. Upon returning to my car, I found out that I received a gift from the Kuching City Council in the form of this…
Green green paper from Kuching City Council
Yes, barely 2 weeks back in Kuching and I got a parking ticket. Its not that bad though since its only an extra 50 cents. But what gets me is that they have the audacity to charge me an extra 5%. For what? SERVICE TAX! Gee thanks, you’re doing me a great service by giving me a parking ticket!
50 cents! YO YO YO
53 cents isn’t much to pay for an overparking fine. But if you don’t pay it, you’ll cop a larger fine. The question is, where do I pay? I found the parking inspector who issued me with the fine and I was ready to give her 53 cents for her effort. She said she couldn’t accept it, and that I had to pay at the pondok (booth) instead.
Now, since I’m sure many poor souls like me have to go there all the time, you would have thought that the pondok would be in bright striking red colour situated in a prominent location, maybe even decorated some neon lights advertising itself. Well, lets just say after some good 20 minutes of circling the carpark, I found the place behind the shop lots.
The pondok
Seriously, it looked more like a cubicle where you chuck a shit than a place where you pay a parking fine!
No signs!
To top it off, there’s absolutely no signage at all to tell me that that’s the place I pay I parking fine! What lah… I thought my girlfriend is the only one who wants me to guess what she wants.
Speaking of parking in Kuching, the city utilizes a coupon system. Each coupon costs 20 cents and enables you to park up to 30 minutes at any marked public parking spot. That’s definitely cheap!
A Kuching parking coupon
There’s only one problem: everytime you park, you have to poke holes.
Now, it isn’t so bad if the holes are big, loose and allow plenty of space for manouvre… but the holes here in Kuching are so fucking small. With my overwhelming girth size, I have so much trouble trying to poke the correct holes. So every now and then I would have accidentally poked the holes too hard…
A Kuching parking coupon
… which would cause pain, breakage, and the undesirable expansion of holes. 🙁

I’m Just Not That Into You!!!

Understanding Women 38 Comments

Girls, please do not read this one. This entry is for men only.
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Still here? Why am I not surprised? Pfft! Girls! Well, International Womens Day is over so I get to complain about girls. Right, moving along.
He's Just Not That Into You

He’s Just Not That Into You because you’re just so fucking annoying.

Apparently, the hottest book on the market for women right now is He’s Just Not That Into You: The No Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys authored by the story editor of Sex and the City et al. Simply put, its a no-nonsense guide book for women about men. The book has taken the world by storm, translated into many different languages, and selling faster than a $2 prostitute. Seriously, its the next big book on love and relationships since Men are from Mars, and Women Love Penis.
Men are from Mars Women are from Venus

Yes. That’s my book. I know. Shut up.

I’ll be honest. I’ve not yet read the book. I’m not much of a book reader. In fact, the last book I’ve ever read from start to finish was Sam’s Teach Yourself Visual Basic in 21 Days.
But judging by the transformation of girls I know who have read the book *cough*alli_talli*cough*lc_nguyen*cough*lilyng*cough*, I think I have a pretty good idea what the book is all about.
Man says “I’ll call you” to girl. But man never call after 5 minutes. Girl over-reacts “OMG OMG! Does he love me? Does he love me not?!? He doesn’t love me!!! I’m DOOOOOOOOOOMMMMEEDDDD!!!”
GIRLS! Calm down! For god’s sakes, us men are not supposed to be the creature that’s hard to understand! That’s YOUR job! But hey, I don’t see them publishing a book titled A Guide to Understanding PMS do they? Why do you even need a book to understand guys?!
Think about it… a book about understanding MEN? What the fork? Men are the easiest species to understand!
Hey, we’re not the species who takes 3 hours putting on make up only go to a totally pitch-black cinema! We don’t have 50 uncomfortable shoes from Vincci instead of 2 comfortable ones from Nike! We don’t find excuses spending RM2,000 on a Louis Vuitton handbag when we can have an X800 Radeon graphics card! (PS. Its ok Nicole baby, I still love you!) A BOOK ABOUT UNDERSTANDING MEN! What next? A book for women about how to read a map?
How to read a map
Still, I give them props to be able to sell a book that essentially tells you straight to your face you are not loved! And then tries to act all sweet with that You are exceptional, not the exception line.
Girls who have read He’s Just Not That Into You usually describe it with “That’s sooooo true!”, praising it like its the most factual book since The Bible. They become enlightened because after reading the book, they understand the reasons to all their woes. Then, they suddenly transform into relationship experts for all their friends, writing a 5000 word reply at one go, repeatedly quoting “If he’s into you he will BLAH, but because he’s just not that into you so BLAH”. Yet, somehow they still manage to become even more confused than they are BEFORE they read the book. Example (plagiarised from the comment section of www.xanga.com/alli_talli without permission. 😉 Thanks Alli!):

sigh – strap yourself in girl, cos this is going to be a long reply. remember what greg said: YOU ARE EXCEPTIONAL, BUT NOT THE EXCEPTION – if he really is into you, then HE would have done all the things in his power to make you happy, not sad and to please you by now. no ifs, no buts, no i’m busy with school or work or your family is weird or any of that bullshit. when he doesn’t call or be at a place when you expect him to be, if he has an answer for everything and criticises you, if he takes hours or days to reply – thats your answer. if he really is into you, he would move effing mountains! i know – it was so harsh when i read it but its true, isn’t it? because if u put the situation in reverse, ANY guy that we’re in love with, we’d put first – so the fact taht they’re making us do all the work or jerking us around (“you call me” bullshit) shows that “they’re just not that into us.” its hard to walk away, especially if you’re a loyal person – sometimes its like youre so strong and take three steps forward but tons of steps back. i dont think you should take what he says with a grain of salt jen —- THIS IS THE SALT! ahaha. this is the cold hard UGLY DISGUSTING SICK DEPRAVED, SO SOO DEPRAVED truth – omg i so feel like alanis morissette right now. if he wanted to: he would have. as for being kiss deprived … 1.5 years is long. then again, i waited like 21 years for a DECENT one (i’m excluding ones from high school and that one girlfriend I kissed… thats for another time) – and sure, like its sad when the person you SO WANTED to be kissing for a bloody long time isnt there to kiss you anymore (because he’s just not that into you) and you when people tell you “youre young and there’s so many more to come” – they tell you the best way to get OVER someone is to get UNDER someone else but its like aaargh – i dont want a hundred men, i just happen to want the one … one who “is just not into me”. so that’s the answer, i think. not really an answer because i ‘ve managed to confuse my own self even more but i know how you feel! ahaha. i mean, you know ridiculous it is right? to pine and PINE like some pathetic creature meanwhile they’re happy and contented and settled and have TOTALLY MOVED ON? when you think about how much of *your* GORGEOUS LOOKS you’re wasting (it’s a different story for me, but YOU! HELOOO!), when you think about how much time and ENERGY this is taking away from you, when you think about how much this is distracting you from things that REALLY matter like school or your career – when you think about all this when he couldn’t give a flying fuck – when you think about it in this light, welll, i dont know about you ,but it makes me just want to say “fuck this” i’m so over feeling like this – it’d be better (so i’m assuming, i wouldnt’ know) to know that they wanted you but … “they’re just not into you”. you may not be over him, but i think being OVER IT is the first step. so my dear there’s just one thing to say: DONT WASTE THE PRETTY! (even if youre still hanging out with him and he performs conversational masturbation on you … he still isnt that into you) 😉

(Diplomatic message interjection: No offense to Alli and the other girls that I have mentioned in this entry. Nothing against you all. 🙂 I think you are all smart beautiful women, exceptional not the exception and all that kinda stuff. But I’m just a little bit annoyed but the book… just a little bit. Anyway, you can always flame me back later! heh)
All I want to say to girls who have read that book (or those who are about to read that book) is CHILL OUT! Just because we didn’t make you the super-duper-number-one on our priority list doesn’t mean that we don’t love you. We could be sitting on our throne taking a dump before we decide to call you, because hell, shitting is more important than calling you, you know? Please don’t expect us to move mountains when its difficult enough trying to decipher what “Anything-lah” means when we’re ordering food for you at the restaurant and then having to put up with your black face because Anything-lah actually meant Grilled Fish instead of Chicken Pasta.
LADIES! If you want to understand men, let kennysia.com tell you in one simple line.
There’s only one thing, just ONE THING that on our mind when it comes to girls. And that’s the three-letter-word that starts with “S” and ends with “X”.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen.
Us men think of the number ‘SIX’ all the time.
And that’s beer, beer, beer, beer, beer, and BEER!
Mmmm... beer

A Change In Profession

Distinctively Kuching Engrish Life Documentary 20 Comments

This week, I started my new job.
I apologise I can’t say too much about the company I’m working for (no, its not the FBI). Suffice to say that I’m now on the company payroll, working for my father, wearing suit-and-tie to work instead of Tshirt-and-shorts, and addressing my workmates by Mister and Madam instead of by their first name. Still, the working environment here is very different to what I am used to at Spectra Engineering.
What I used to wear Vs What I now wear
Oh, to those who are related to me, much appreciated if you keep the existence of this blog to yourself. To others, I hate the fact that I can’t just say it here. My apologies for being so secretive. My job is not that much of big deal to be honest. But Kuching is a small place, many Kuching people whom I don’t know read this blog and I rather them not know. Anyway, if we ever do meet in real life ask me again ok?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I hate it when the forms you fill ask you redundant questions.
I visited the newest gym in town today, a government-owned gymnasium called Gym Masyarakat. I was ready to give them my RM250 to sign up for an annual membership, but instead they asked me to fill in the application form and wait 2 weeks for approval.
I wave RM250 cold hard cash in my hands, and they want to wait for approval. So I ask them.
“Why would you need approval for going to the gym and staying healthy? Have you ever rejected any applications?”
“Yes we have many rejections!”
“Why?”
“Mainly because they didn’t submit their photos.”
Go figure.
Stupid Gym
So fine. I was presented with the stupidest application form I ever had to fill.
Full Name: Kenny xxx xxx xxx
IC Number: 821127-13-xxxx
Date of Birth: 27-11-1982 (What the fish? Can’t you read my IC number?)
Age: 23 (Can’t you bloody deduce my age from my birthdate?!)
Nationality: Mongolian (OF COURSE MALAYSIAN LAH! I just gave you my Identity Card number didn’t I?! Bloody!)
Damn angry. I had to pay RM10 for a single visit because they need TWO BLOODY WEEKS to have my formal membership approved.
The gym itself was pretty crap. Its nice to see familiar faces though. There’s the heavily tattooed guy who spent all night doing bench presses, the steroid-induced muscle dude helping a scrawny kid spot as he yell profanities at him as a form of encouragement, and that la-la girl who wore hip-hugging jeans and stiletto heels to the gym just to use the threadmill. Nice.
Does anyone know of any good gyms in Kuching?
Fitness First is the only gym I know that seems to get everything right. I’m struggling to find another fitness center here that can deliver a similar quality of service.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Went to Red Tea Road for bubble tea this morning when I noticed this sign.
To Run Business
To WHAT?

Bad Engrish at the Education Expo

Distinctively Kuching Engrish 25 Comments

Bad English spelling and grammar never fail to humour me.
I still recall a story my father told me. Once, he was driving around the rural area of Kuching when he saw a big vacant land. In front of it is big sign board proudly proclaiming “LANG FOR SALE.”
Lang for Sale

‘Lang’ = ‘People’ in Hokkien

I have nothing against bad English. kennysia.com has never been good in English. In fact, I think its very much a Malaysian culture to speak/write English in a less than perfect manner.
That’s not to discount the efforts of education institutions highlighting the importance of the language. Yes, good English is important in a formal setting. But ultimately, the purpose of language is to communicate. We are Malaysians. So long as we understand each other, that’s good enough. No need to speak with the accuracy of BBC grammar, using words Kim would be proud of, complete with an accent to be able to use a language effectively, right?
*cough* Wellll…. now that I’ve say all the nice nice things I wanted to say, let’s all laugh at the people at Engrish.com 😉
Kuching Civic Center

The Civic Center building, a proud landmark of Kuching… no more.

Well, last week I went to the Kuching Civic Center because I wanted to take photos of the Kuching cityscape from the top of the building. I was about to take the lift when I realised that the lift was broken.
Lift wants to break it down

The only thing that’s broken is the English

…
WHAT ‘LIFT BREAK DOWN’ LAH! Either ‘Lift is Broken’ or ‘Lift is Out of Order’! What the fish is ‘Lift Break Down’?! The lift wanna break dance issit?
Actually it doesn’t look too bad if you put MC Hammer in front of it.
MC Hammer 'break it down'
Coincidentally, the Sarawak Education Exhibition was going on at the time so I popped in for a visit. After all, I am planning to pursue an MBA degree when the time is right. I got the information I needed off the Curtin Sarawak booth, which unfortunately was the only education institution I recognised there.
Curtin Sarawak Booth
I actually hated education exhibitions like this due to the fact that they shameless show the money-grubbing side of higher learning. I know its something I have to accept, that universities are businesses and students are customers. But education fairs like this are no different to, say, a computer fair where midriff-baring teenage girls shove pamphlets to your face and the main motivation is to sell, sell and SELL. It really is commercial exploitation of tertiary education at its worst.
Stamford College

The Stamford College booth is as empty as the head of their students.

Apologies for going off topic.
Anyway, there’s not much else to look at at the University Education Fair, so I decided to leave the place… after I filled out a quiz form.
Quizze
I mean, QUIZ-ZE form! Must be a new word the big shot Universities at the education fair there invented. My bad. 🙂

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