It’s Been 8 Years Now

Dear Papa,

  Here I am writing to you again.

  You left us 8 years ago, after a brave but painful fight with cancer. Here I am, remembering you once again.

  Yes, I still remember how it felt like 8.5 years ago, when you sat us down in our living room after a visit to the clinic, and told us the doctor had found cancer cells metastasised to your lungs.

  You didn’t know how you got them. You didn’t know how long you’ve had it. All you knew was that the doctors gave you 6 months to live.

Some call it the calm before the storm. The lull before the tsunami. The feeling of unease because something big was gonna hit very hard very soon.

  We didn’t know what to expect. We didn’t know how to handle your illness. All I knew back then was that a major chapter in my life was about to end.

  Something was about to change. I must get a dose of manhood. I must grow up real fast. Whether I like it or not, that was what I must do.

  And that’s the reason I started this blog – to document the changes that I was going through that particular phase of my life.

  Eight years since then, things have been falling into place more or less like a routine. Found some success in blogs. Started my business. Found a girl. Things has more or less become very… predictable.

  Until now.

  Papa, that feeling of unease is coming to me again.

  I’m in the process of starting a new business concept. So far, things has been exactly smooth-sailing. If anything, the project has been continuously delayed by contractors and impracticalities in design.

  I’m feeling uneasy because although I’m optimistic about my project, I do wonder if others share my optimism.

  How I wish you were here to guide me!

  Two, I am very, very happy in my relationship with Ming. And I understand eventually I must settle down and start a family. At the same time, I know being in a relationship is so different than having to provide and care for a family.

  How different will things be when I eventually settle down? Truthfully, I don’t know. I just hope I have the ability to be a good husband and father, just like you are to me.

  The Elections is tomorrow.

  Although I think the current administration is doing a decent job thus far, the response from the ground is overwhelmingly pro-Opposition. It is almost as if the only people left supporting the Najib are those related to the candidates, rural folks or Bangladeshis.

  The Opposition-led rallies night after night have been crazily massive. If these sentiments were to translate into votes, I think we’ll be seeing something quite unprecedented in history. Never thought I would be seeing a two-party system ever happening in Malaysia in my lifetime, but after tomorrow, who knows?

  I can only hope that whoever leads our country tomorrow is able to restore our confidence in the education system, so we can happily send my children to school here, and stay as a family in Kuching. Last thing we want is to see our family unit split apart again because of the lack of opportunities here – like the way it had split ours.

  What they say is true. Tomorrow, we’ll be voting not for ourselves, but for our future generations.

  Papa, all your life, all you ever wanted is a better future for us. How I wish you were here to see change happening right in front of our eyes.

  I miss you, Papa.

 

Love from your youngest son,

Kenny