The Raya Open House That Never Was

Event Coverage 97 Comments

Yesterday was the first day of Hari Raya.

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My “granddaughter” Lainey (long story why I call her that, but she’s actually she’s my age) texted me early in the morning, nursing what she called the world’s worst hangover.

We were supposed to do lunch together, but I told her she better just stay at home to nurse her headache for her own good. That girl is very sweet though. She said, “lunch with ‘grandpa’ is the perfect antidote to the world’s worst hangover.”

Awww.

So we made plans for lunch. Since it’s the first day of Raya, I felt like doing something different. So I came up with this brilliant idea – to crash our Prime Minister’s Raya open house!

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I had done many Raya open houses before, but I have never visited our Prime Minister’s house. Since the PM has openly extended his invitation, I thought why not? Besides, I have never even step foot on Putrajaya before. My only experience with the government’s township really was whizzing past it back and forth on the train to the airport.

Suddenly, visiting the PM’s house sounds like something fun and exciting to do on a boring Sunday afternoon. Just so if people were to ask me how I spent my Raya weekend, I could tell them “I was hangin’ wit da PM yo!”

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Then, in their head, they’d be imagining me with my arms on Najib’s shoulder, talking the cock, singing song, playing pool around the PM’s palatial home like longtime friends while Rosmah cooked lunch for us – most likely Mongolian lamb stew.

So the plan was set. After a bit of coordination through Twitter, Jaclyn, Cheesie and KY also decided to join us on our road trip to Putrajaya to see the PM.

Well, let’s just say the Raya open house at Seri Perdana wasn’t quite what we expected.

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For a start, when we reached Putrajaya, we found out that the ramp to enter Seri Perdana was closed off by the police. So I wound down my window to have a chat with the officer.

Kenny: “Sir, I’m here to accept to the PM’s invitation to his open house on the first day of Raya.”
Police: “Sini tak boleh jalan, sini. You ikut jalan tu. This road is for V.I.P. only.”

He stressed on the word “V.I.P.”, which I thought I was. I was gonna reply “Abang, tapi saya orang V.I.P.! 1Malaysia. People first. Performance now. People first, jadi saya V.I.P.!”

But logic took over and instead of arguing with him, I decide to take the long way to Seri Perdana as instructed. That was when we arrived at the non-V.I.P. area.

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Also known as the ORANG AWAM area.

Meanwhile, we parked our car at one of the very muddy fields nearby.

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Already, Lainey was starting to regret coming with me.

We thought the Prime Minister would be there at the door welcoming us. Unfortunately, not only did he not turn up, he sent his hired guns to welcome us instead.

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Gee, thanks, I feel so welcomed.

The PM’s “open house” for us Orang Awams was held at the Seri Perdana’s carpark. To be fair, there were lots of food being served.

The problem is, there were TOO MANY people there all chasing after the free food!

Despite having more than enough food to go around, the crowd were going after them free food like aunties during warehouse sales. That includes me.

I don’t care, man.  I have already come all the way here so I better have my free food or all hell’s gonna break lose! I mean I pay so much fucking taxes to the government every year. My tax money is what’s paying for those food!

If I cannot get back my money, I want something to put into my tummy!

O HAI. I is at da PM’s haus, stealinz all his free food! nom nom nom.

We waited for our host, the Prime Minister of Malaysia, to come out and meet up with us. But we waited in the carpark for a long time and still he didn’t make an appearance. What kinda lousy host is this?

That was when we realised there’s a separate entrance for us Orang Awams to enter the Seri Perdana to meet with the PM and shake his hands.

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Unfortunately by the time we finished our food, they had already closed the gates. I think the Prime Minister must have gotten tired from all that handshaking.

So we didn’t get to meet the Prime Minister, the food wasn’t thaaaaat good (apart from the satays) and the venue was hot, crowded, wet, rainy and damn freaking noisy. I have no idea why the newspapers describe this Open House as “festive”, because it was as “festive” as a primary school canteen.

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It  was a fun experience to do as a Malaysian though, and I think every Malaysian tax payer should go to the PM’
s crib at least once to claim back your money as much as you can through the free food.

But I must say the Open House ain’t worth the drive to Putrajaya. And definitely not worth squeezing through the sweaty crowd for. But for some reason, Kenny Sia came up with this genius plan to make his “granddaughter” Lainey feel better from her world’s worst hangover.

She hated it. She said she was nursing the world’s worst hangover listening to the world’s worst music in the world’s worst possible way. All thanks to the world’s worst (fake) grandpa.

Hey, at least these guys that tagged along all look very happy…

… kinda.

To be fair, when we first arrived, we actually did try to enter the Seri Perdana through the official V.I.P. entrance. We kinda fooled the first batch of guards by driving closely behind some important-looking black cars, until we managed to get right up to the main gates.

Unfortunately, the final batch of guards outside the V.I.P. entrance saw past our bluff and managed to stop our vehicle.

Police: “Sir, you have sticker? Where is your sticker? You cannot enter if no sticker!”
Kenny: “Sticker? Uhhh… yea, I got. I got sticker.”

I have no freaking idea what bloody sticker he was talking about, so I pointed to the only V.I.P. sticker I have on my windscreen.

 

 

 

He didn’t find it funny. 🙁

Must Watch Youtube: Fourfeetnine Audrey on Project Alpha.

Seriously, never before have I seen anyone fail in gym so hilariously bad!

97 Replies to “The Raya Open House That Never Was”

  21. hahaha, funny and entertaining. Why u didnt tapao the foods back with plastic bag? if me i sure claim back all my tax money, i would hire a lorry to bring back all the food.

    Reply

  26. damn kenny, i love that hidden knife you put in that post.
    lol.
    one smart and funny fellow you are.
    we should have more people like this. kill the government with our wits.

    Reply

  30. Hey, you should try celebrating Raya at Brunei’s palace. It is much fun over there and people are treated much better. And you actually get to shake hands with the King and his Princes.

    Reply

  36. not detailed enough. who else u met and what else u did when u’re at the open hse? tell tell tell! lol! u didn’t try to sneak into the VIP area? or maybe the toilet? LOL!

    Reply

  44. people first konon. such a LOUSY host our PM is. maybe with all the skeleton in his closet, he’s got alot to be paranoid about.
    i attended PM’s open house once during Mahathir’s tenure. all i can say is that he was a very good host. everything very orderly and everyone got to greet and shake the hands of Mahathir and the ever lovely Siti Hasmah.

    Reply

  45. HAHA!!! to have made it that far past the guards and to give them the most epic punch-line they must have heard during their time in service, must have been the best way to spend your raya =P
    bravo once again kenny =D (Y)

    Reply

  55. Hi Kennysia! Looking forward to see you in the Nuffnang Blog Awards. 😀 I’m also one of the finalist and I’m so honored that I made it in the same category where you are also a finalist. 😀
    See you. 🙂

    Reply

  56. aiyo kennny aaa… no wonder u missed to shake his hand, when u go open house, u should first meet the host and wish him/her… after that u makan la… see u makaned first, now u missed the chance..

    Reply

  60. HAHAHAAHAHAH MCDONALDS. God, hahahha. I hope you had fun stuffing your face with satays 🙂
    & congrats for being one of the finalists for Nuffnang’s blog awards 😀

    Reply

  67. Hey 🙂 I don’t know why i am here when i should be forcing myself to study for the upcoming PMR!! but i was watching project alpha and something inside of me just told me to visit your blog. I don’t regret it 😀 You really have a sense of humour which i love 🙂 thanks for the de-stressing 😉

    Reply

  70. Selamat Hari Raya Kennysia!!! i suggest that next time you go open house, don’t go to a big shot, official or government ones. Friend’s houses have WAYYYY better food and warmth atmosphere…
    Raya is celebrated for 1 month, not over yet, go hunt some more houses/food!

    Reply

  72. you see, our PM doesn’t even noe how to treat his guests nicely, wat more to say the Malaysian people! The worst PM ever in Malaysia! Making Malaysia become a more and more corrupted country!

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  77. I’m beginning to love your blog and continue to look forward on ur new entry. Bravo and keep it up! By the way, i like ur McD VIP sticker, whr can i get it??
    Cheers

    Reply

  80. Your blog about the open house is more realistic than what is reported in the local papers. They make it sound that it is great.
    Definitely put me off going not that i even want to shake hands with our PM.

    Reply

  82. i think you’re a sacarstic idiot, always complaining about your country/gov, if your not a VIP pls get over it plus only an idiot would go this kind of place and think that they will get vip treatment while they’re not, of course there will be crowd and this is malaysia we love free things and will rush to it if there is a chance,so it’s really stupid when you’re complaining about this like a child.I have no idea why you always trashing your country and people,if your not proud about your country and maybe you sould consider changing your citizenship.

    Reply

  83. LOL, i think you’re the one that should be called an idiot. He blog this to show us what is Malaysia, so blaming it on him for complaining is a super idiot. I’m not his biggest fan, but i still got some respect for the guy.

    Reply

  85. hoih pakcik kenny! kalo tak suka malaysia pegi la pindah negara lain. asek kutuk orang yang tadbir malaysia jerk. semua politician sama je la. tak kira melayu punya ka, cina ka, india ka, semua sama la! dah naik atas, semua lupa diri!
    aku rasa kalo ko VVIP pun sure ko cakap “this is our privilege of being VVIP”. sebab ko orang biasa la ko bengang kena pegi area orang awam!

    Reply

  86. dia kan ‘pendatang’. pasal tu dia tak suka duduk malaysia. dia nak duduk singapore atau melbourne tapi tak cukup pandai nak duduk sana.pasal tu dia nak duduk kat kuching saja. kalau ong tee keat ke, lim guan eng ke, lim kit siang buat open house ke, ada ke dia komplen?
    dia mmg orang tak tau hormat orang lain. sendiri perasan bagus. pirah!

    Reply

  93. I’ve never been to any leader’s open house, but looking at what Kenny had to go through, I have to say Najib really knows how to win hearts and minds. It looks so obvious that his open house is like something unpleasant he has to put up with every raya and stuff the common rakyat, just eat whatever I give you in my backyard and if you want shake my hand with your greasy common hands pls queue outside one by one while me and my buddies wait in my comfortable tax-paid home inside for your scruffy presence and pls don’t come in through the front or my gun-toting bored looking polisi guards will shoot you. There, don’t say I don’t love my people.

    Reply

  94. Well, that make us think should we be proud of being M’sian n being treated in this way??!!! Malaysia BOLEH??!! In term of….??!!

    Reply

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