Keeping the sparks alive in a relationship can be difficult, especially if you can’t find the matches.
Believe me, I’ve been in a long-term relationship before myself. When you’re committed yourself for such a long time, there comes a point when we no longer feel the need to impress each other anymore.
Girls stop wearing make-up and contact lenses. Out goes the pretty little pink dress and in comes the baggy tracksuit pants.
Guys aren’t any better.
Something went terribly wrong some where
After commiting for so long, there must come a point in a relationship when a guy asked himself, “Who the hell is this girl and what does she want from me!?”
The thing is, in this world where people have priorities, responsibilities and multiple commitments, it is inevitable relationships do go stale after a while and routine tends to get a little bit boring. But it doesn’t have to remain that way.
The trick is to break out of the routine and do something out of the ordinary.
A holiday getaway together always works. It’s so cheap to travel to many places now. And besides, it could save your relationship. When you’re in a new place and new environment, you tend to learn new things about each other that you never knew.
Relationships also go stale if couples spend too much time together. Stop being so possessive and give each other some space.
Most guys I know have big aspirations when it comes to building their career or achieving some life-long dreams. Pursuing these dreams require what we call “man time”.
Girls are not allowed during “man time”. But give your guy some “man time” to pursue his personal goals and trust me, he’ll appreciate it and in return reward you with some “sexy time”.
Meanwhile, learn a new skill or pick up a hobby yourself. Can’t possibly leave yourself out of the rat race too right?
But above all else, there’s nothing more important than telling your guy (or girl) “I love you”. Constantly.
It’s incredible how these three simple words get taken for granted so quick into a relationship. Us guys are especially to blame, because we think that words like these are not really neccessary since it’s understood.
Hey, even I used to think that way in my previous relationship.
And then I broke up.
A friend of mine once told me that the ‘spark’ in a relationship could only remain alive if you put in the effort.
Without effort, without sincerity, without care, there is nothing.
I couldn’t agree more.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Of course, there are thousands of other ways couples keep the sparks and romance in their relationship alive. Nicole has some tips for the guys too.
What have you or your partner done to keep the sparks alive in a long-term relationship?
Tell me your tales and I’ll reward the best male and female commenters each a bottle of HUGO XY EDT 100ml for him or HUGO XX EDT 100ml for her. Contest ends 12:01am 8th November. Thanks to HUGO XY for him and HUGO XX for her – Harmony is Overrated.
This entry is sponsored by the new HUGO XY for him and HUGO XX for her, and all opinions expressed here are mine only.
The winners of the previous contest are choongkeat and lj. Congrats!
If you missed out on this giveaway, don’t worry. Get down to KLCC centre court from this Wednesday onwards for the launch. If you get a bottle there (and I strongly recommend that you do), you can take part in the game show hosted by Mix.FM’s Pietro and Serena C starting at 3pm this Saturday and win up to RM5,000 in cash!
Kenny!! Keep up your good work, great blogger!!
Remind yourself how you are in love with him at the first place. Watch romantic movies together and do romantic things that deserved to be remembered.
Magnify lovely things and minimize faults..
It’s hard, but it’s worth to learn.
3rd =)
Nothing last forever, esp in a relationships. learnt to be tolerant, and u will stretch a little further tho…
As I have said in nicole’s comment. I have been looking forward to this post since the campaign with HUGO started. Yes I agree with you kenny. Being in a relationship is like doing garderning. Those plants wont look nice and beautiful if you dont put in effort to take care of them, water them, put them in the sun, and nurture them. Once in a while you also have to trim the plant so that it continue to look attractive. This is the same when it comes to being in a relationship.
For me, love is just a boring game. A game where you lie and at the same time enjoy being cheated.
Have you ever notice that the Chinese character AI (love)? It consists another character SING (heart) in it. If the SING is no longer there, AI will eventually becomes SHOU which means suffer… That’s what most of our parents are suffering now…..
So guys and girls out there, don’t simply give away your “AI” so cheaply if you have got no “SING” to mantain it.
I love your blog! Keep up the goood work okay? =)
That’s why Megatron travel through the universe looking for ALL SPARK, dude!
A healthy relationship can only happen if both are clean and honest.
I keep the sparks alive by having a healthy conversation with my partner every now and then. Be it on the dinner table, in bed before we go to sleep, in the Cafe` having a flat white each even when we are shopping together.
Being sensitive to your surroundings and your natural reaction plays a big part too. You have to know to act the right way at the right time. If you have a problem with your partner spending too much of his/her own personal time that you think it is ridiculous, talk about it.
On the other hand, he/she should take the initiative to actually assess himself/herself what is happening and why is it happening and what should happen from then on.
But at the end of the day, it all boils down to your soul, if you are really meant to be together. If you do, either of you would take whatever it takes to keep the relationship going, by means of giving up on certain unfavoured habits, or putting in more efforts to make things better.
If you don’t find the necessity to improve the situations, clearly something is not right, and there is a gap in the relationship where it cannot be filled regardless. Then you have yet to find your perfect match.
Also, positive living is the healthiest form of any relationship. The maturity of your social life would see a key in a healthy relationship.
To the guys who stays clear from buds night out, bar, smoking, gambling, your women will feel more secured in the relationship.
Likewise to ladies.
If both can lead a healthy lifestyle, like doing things together, exercising together, cooking together, going for holidays together, shopping together, that is how you get the fire lit.
1) Start out early in the day sending your loved one a loving, hot e-mail or text message while they are at work. Send hot e-mails back and forth all day then meet for a romantic candlelit dinner.
2) My boyfriend is what some may call Internet addicted!! Because I know how much he enjoys being online for research or just for fun, I created a website just for us to share stuff, post a note to each other or play an online game. I really enjoy when I can go on there during the day and find a note telling me how much he values and loves me. (Suitable for long distance couples)
3) My boyfriend was having a rough day at work, that night, he slept early without talking to me. In the morning when I woke up, (he leaves for work before me and I am usually still sleeping) I went to the fridge to grab some juice. There was a little note stuck to the fridge with magnets, that read, “I just wanted to say I love you and to remind you to smile today. I will make up for lost time. I love you.” It’s small but it was thoughtful and I always think of the little things he does to make our love stronger.
4) Whenever I can, I try to make my boyfriend laugh. There is nothing better then seeing that beautiful smile on his face and his eyes light up when he laughs. I make him laugh by doing something sweet for him. For example, I will look deeply into his eyes and start singing, ‘You are my sunshine…’ he gets all embarrassed and starts giggling, but I know he loves it. And it’s true; he really is my sunshine!
5) The most flattering thing we can do is to give our undivided attention. Communication with each other is very important but lending your ear to your loved one is also important, share problems together and try to solve it, this will create a stronger bond between the couple.
Yes, i agree. No matter it is the girl or the guy, they tends to take the other one for granted and forget about the important factor that will maintain their relationships. I think it is important to once awhile impress your love one, even though you are co-habitating. by not just wearing those “home” suits, either partners can dress up just for a home cook dinner once or twice a week. this will keep the couple reminded that they are still in love with each other and that they still care.
Man time and girl time should be both allow. sometimes, there is a need for friends and to keep in touch with a group of best friend or two just to keep you up to date on your friends. By the way, love is just a part of life and not all.
wont you agree?
I’m in Australia and my girlfriend’s in Malaysia.
My gf and I started of a couple of years back but everything was very gradual, from a friendship, slowly to a moer serious relationship. I never really asked her the “would you be mine?” question so I wanted to make it ‘offical’.
Things can get pretty rough when we’re so many miles away from each other as all we can do is hear each other’s voice or the occasional webcam sessions. But I really do believe it’s all about your effort and sacrifices! We both have our separate lives away from each other but I always make the effor to keep in very very close contact with each other as communication is essential, even if one SMS costs 75 times more than back home.
During the last winter break I went back to KL to ‘officiate’ as I did not want to miss that 7.7.07 date. I called up KL tower thinking of a nice dinner at the revolving restaurant(it’s the constant creative ideas and surprises that breaks the monotonousness, so us guys should really show them how much we appreciate them constantly!). Unfortunately on that day they were booked out fully!
So on that day, I blindfolded her and drove her to a nearby “hilltop” with an awesome view where very few know about. Then I set out a picnic cloth on the ground and put candles everywhere, and slowly, I brought out all the little tit bits and food that she loves, even cooked some, remembering everything she likes (we should never take the small details for granted! It shows that we care).
Then after ‘dinner’, I popped the question! (of course what I said will remain a secret! :p) And she was just speechless and tears started to build.
Now I’m back here, and we still have a refreshing relationship everyday and I can’t wait till the summer break comes! 19 more days! 🙂
Holy shit…that meat spin website is giving me a bloody nitemare!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!PHOBIA
I’ve been married for 7 years now and we’ve known each other for 12 years altogether.
Things changed a lot of course, comparing now and when you first met each other. It’s natural cuz’ when you were young, you think differently and would normally go for some adventures together.
But now, you have more commitment in life.. career..etc.. I have to admit sometimes we don’t really have much time together due to work.
One thing that we never fail to do is saying ‘I Love You’ to each other everyday… and a kiss and hug is a must everyday.
Also need a lot of patience, trust, understanding and a lot of give and take. We give each other freedom. We don’t restrict each other from going out and meeting friends. We have time for ‘just the 2 of us’, have time with family,..etc..
Going for a trip together will be great.. even to nearby places (not necessary overseas) just to enjoy each other’s company. Do something together eg. watch a romantic comedy while sipping your favourite wine, cook a meal together in the kitchen etc, give each other a massage, challenge each other on playstation…etc
Sometimes relationship don’t last.. so.. at least, make the best out of it while you’re still in the relationship… You’ll never know what will happen next. Even if things don’t work out, all the incredible moments together will always remain in our heart… no one can take that away.
But of course, it’s best when the relationship lasts forever…
For me I am very observant to my partner’s needs. By the look of her eyes I would know what she wants or needs. Then I will of course fulfill it if her request is not beyond my capability.
Girls love to be cared for. Thats why I sometimes randomly give her a call just to ask how is she doing and tell her that I miss her terribly. Of course its from the bottom of my heart.
When girls are in love just a simple gift will lighten up their day. So I would get her something small sometimes so that she’ll be happy. And of course to strengten our relationship.
‘Girls are not allowed during “man time”. But give your guy some “man time” to pursue his personal goals and trust me, he’ll appreciate it and in return reward you with some “sexy time”.’
Kenny, I am disappointed with you. I really wish you didn’t use the whole “reward you” and “sexy time” thing. This is such a MAN and chauvinistic thing to say. “Sexy time” is something for the MAN again (don’t deny it). You get MAN time, and you “reward us” with SEXY time?
What about what we want/need? What about giving us what WE need? I won’t even go to the extent of saying giving us girls some “GIRL/ME/PRINCESS” time… how about something simple like just some quiet “US” time or just a simple dinner+movie date? Without the aspect of “SEXY time” thrown in?
Is that too much to ask?
WE don’t need no sex for a reward. We just want a little love and attention.
I could not agree more with your thoughts. Couples tend to get bored with their relationships after some time, eventually led to a breakup in the end. People nowadays is really very ‘open-minded’ when it comes to a relationship. They normally would not think of long-term commitments when it comes to love. I once had a relationship which last only 1 week.
In my opinion, to sustain a relationship depend mostly on the personality and the level of likeness of both lovers. There is a cantonese saying that ‘Min Kiong Hai Mou Yong Geh'(its useless to be forceful). I believe that the fairytales where the princess-frog prince love does not exist anymore in this world, unless wealth and social status are concerned.
To maintain a relationship is a totally different thing from starting one, it seems so easy to get along and begin a relationship with someone else but to maintain it, unlimited amount of courage, patience and determination are needed to sustain the spark from going off. I am very impressed with the couples who can still love each other after many many years.
The important point is, learn and understand your partner’s needs and fulfilling them without neglecting ownself needs. Love is a learning process as experience and knowledge are important. Just do not give up on love and hope. It will come to you when you least expect it.
p/s: Kenny, I admire your body lah…go gym so often to work out. I saw your picture with my friend during the Terry Fox Run. He says you are a funny guy. D not cut queue, it is not good. =P
Great post, especially about the man time, I personally have my “man time”, my gf appriciates it, and in return, i’m compelled to spend more time with her without her asking….
yeah…man time works…
wong ww u suck >.
Before anyone gets on their high horse, let me state for the record, that I agree that all men deserve their “MAN” time, as do all women who deserve their “WOMAN” time! You deserve your space, and we deserve ours too! Remember, it goes both ways!
i have been in a relationship for several time but as far as i was concern it doesn’t work well.the thing here is that when its come to “man time” as you mention earlier did not fulfill by the other spouse.yes i know some time its ridiculous to make something extraordinary but it is worthwhile.just for an example in my situation, i am a smoker.Girl i know you don’t like it but did you ever think that sometime if you give Marlboro Special Edition for me and it will brighten my day.if you keep on nagging on stop smoking at me,that will make me boring.if you stop buying shoe and handbag,then i will consider on stop smoking and drinking.hahaha….
the way u play games is hilariouse,i think if you’re gf looks at it,she’ll laugh till her jaws drop ,maybe it could sparks the relationship too hehe
Well.. for me love is just for producing your next generation.. when a guy try to get you.. he will send you 9999 rose to you after getting you.. you will be his slave.. cleaning house/washing laundry etc. well..
This is love.. but most important both of you must leave happy together.. for me how to keep the spark forever alive.. how? as what I read comments from up there some of the girls had misunderstand of the word ‘man time’ and ‘sexy time’
Well I just want to change the thinking of them abit.. normally ‘man time’ is just giving your man some free time to enjoy himself.. like? let him go hang out his fren after a hard day work or going gym to stretch his muscles abit while your man is having his ‘man time’ you can have your ‘sexy time’ like going your facial or shopping which which what girls love to do.. at nite both of you can enjoy your ‘romantic time’ together.
You just have to give n take that all.. you can keep your spark alive forever in this simple ways..
But my main point is to have all this simple life style.. you must able to support both of your life.. Nowdays what I see is people married but the guy can’t even able to support his own life.. what to do~~ his wife is pregnant have to be responsible… why they want to suffer thier life like this?
Han Foong
http://www.hanfoong.com/blog
a relationship works both ways. its a two way relationship. no one. but two.
How do I keep the spark sparkling?
I know that the spark is there when my lover is traveling around the world or visiting another part of the world without me. There is this sense of belonging, this sense of flicker.
You know you are passionately in love when you get that flick in your mind about the passion and the depth. To sit there on your own when your lover isn’t there or is traveling without fills you with a touch of romantic anxiety, it flickers your emotions, your feelings, your utter taste for all things real inside of your self and the outer world.
You know you are still sparking when you sit alone and gaze at the ocean or at the street while you eat at a cafe and you know that the very one person you love isn’t there, but is strongly thinking of you, even if they are busy with work or travel.
You know the spark is there when you receive a postcard saying how much your lover misses you and can’t bare the few days they are away without you in their lives.
The spark is flickering when you receive a text message while in the most unexpected place, it fills you with a sense of importance and urge in your lovers life. It tingles your senses and makes you sigh but at the same time sink at the fact that you know that where ever you are, no matter what, someone is thinking of you all the time.
You know that the love is still sparking when you wake up in the morning and your lover has gone, only leaving the stamp of where their head lay next to yours on the pillow from the night before.
You know because you turn around and then you get the shock of your life.
You know that the spark is there when you are walking along the beach and you say you love each other, knowing that the memory will be there forever, the date, the weather, the occasion, because the only thing that won’t be there are the foot prints you both left in the sand.
But the memories of the sunset shading the shallow depths of your shadows holding hands into the sandy waters is unforgettable.
You know that the spark is there when you both have to go and you want to be together, because really, there is only one place and one person you would want to be… with them in your arms.
You know that you are in love and the spark is there when your lover turns around and stares deep into your eyes trying to read the history of your life, because they are infatuated with everything that lays in the intelligence and feeling of your mind.
Lastly,
You know that the spark is there when you imagine what life really would be like without that person in your life. You know that it’s really there when you think about how you’d rather be dead than without them.
Dakota ~
All I have to say is this; The easiest way to spark up a long-term relationship is to keep things the way it was as you met. I noticed that with time, couples tend to no longer be affectionate towards each other, that it becomes a chore.
What you do for your partner don’t have to be big; your day to day activities, like dining in together, watching movies, shopping trip, can be exciting if they are done with lots of love. People might think that doing things for the significant other is WORK and you expect something in return. Of course la it will be unfair to let one party to be doing all the “loving”, thus his/her effort must be reciprocated in the same enthusiasm.
Another thing would be, try to get involved with the things your partner is passionate about. Example, my partner’s passionate abt cycling, and I who havent cycled in 12 years, started to pick up road cycling, just to spend time with him. I don’t go out cycling as much as he does, but when we do, its always a blast. His effort would be accompanying me for trips to art market, art galleries and learn to analyze paintings. Its a chore for him at first, but with some encouragement, he’s doing fine.
Last but not least, keep the conversation running. Have your own interests and share things that he doesn’t know about. Remember that looks will fade, but the mind will grow wiser. Later on, he might not be intrigued as he was with your physical self, but there’s something about your mind and personality that keeps him coming back to you.
In short, practical day to day stuff. You cant expect to be like angmohs, right? One-off romantic gateaway and then a lifetime of hell.
Scary…
let her rant all she wants, complain and grumble, but i’ll just look at her and smile, apologize, and give her a long nice hug assuring her that everything’s going to change and be alright.
me never had a smooth relationship ever . both of my previous relationship all end up in a long distance relatioship. before me and my first bf get together, we were at high school..everyday is happy for me..but when we get together after graduation, things really turn upside down for me when we when abroad for his study. i started to realise, been in a realtionship doesnt mean u’ll be happy. i learnt that his trueself is so different then what i know him at school. we were kinda strugle along a few month before we decided to break up. it was a release for me since i know long distance relationship is really hard to keep and espeacially when both of our personalty really doesnt match anymore.
for my 2nd bf, his family run a business at my home town. but he was originaly a KL people. so he doesnt want to stay here to help his family. so it was another long distance relationship for. he did fly here to see me and i did fly there to see him. in him i really found a spot and really feel comfortable and safe in his arms. we were really really in love but distance is really a challenge for us. it is really hard to keep this relationship eventhoug both of us are heavenly match from above. so we did keep conected all of the time and we make sure we were talk about eveything to each other. i’ll do anything to get the chance to see him, make him happy. we did argue along de way, but i believe that arguement makes couple understand each other more and can really tighten the relationship. i now working with his family. he can now know what im doing and i can always feel close to him coz i always with his family.
but still , distance is really a challenge. we still patiently waiting for the right chance to get together again . keeping a relatioship was hard. but keeping a long distance is even harder.
K n N are a smart and brillaint couple. My opinion to maintain a good relationship is love, trust and make allowance to each others…
Sometime as a gentleman must not to be lazy to show and say ‘I love u’ n
as a wise gal sometime have to pretend ‘stupid’ to let ur another to protect u…
eh every week also advertisement. sien liao leh…. ur blog ‘spark’ also can finish one, u noe…
Remember to say “I love you” even after a few years. That’s what the other party have to be reminded… =)
MY WAY IS VERY SIMPLE! I POKE U & U ALLOW ME TO POKE U! & TOGETHER WE ARE POKEING PARTNER FOREVER!
HE!HE! HAVE A NICE DAY!
this post came 5 months too late
broke up with my girl of four years….those points in your post..it is so true…
Refresh back to when I ask my wife to be my girlfriend at the very first time, I gave her 101 roses when we went for a trip to Cameroon. After 8 years of dating, finally we become the official partner …..but I never fail to believe that we are the couple to each other. How u keep the spark so long…..just keep the LOVE inside ur heart n there is no need to express it out by words…prove it to her and they can feel it….to be a good partner, I believe the most important things is to trust, listen and commenter…I mean good listener and commenter then…never ask ur partner what she is doing when u let her free…and listen to every detail the words she spoke to u everyday…girls like to insert hints of what they like or dislike when they are talking to u, they don’t like to say it directly to u…..then only u give them what they want….my wife always be happy when she can get something she don’t really expect it to be but its like a surprise when she know u get what she mean…..lastly, u have to have ur own opinion based on principle and gave them a good comments…don’t ever condemn their opinion or behaviors …do it a cool ways…. When u get angry, just tell her u need time to relax and only talk about it when u really calm down….this will avoid all the unnecessary saying sorry later…….
i’m guilty of not telling my wife that i love her
i love her so much that i cant live without her
we quarrel every weekend and she wants me to move out
OMG !
the agony…not being able to feel her and breath her is pure pain..
call me wicked and naked but i love my wife
Hi Kenny, thats so touching. Mysel, I failed all the time. However, If you looking for a gorgeous Malay girl for a girlfriend, I am willing to help.
http://www.hanafionline.com
Why must there be spark? I prefer to think that the goal in any relationships is that we have the eternal flame – not something that is jumpstart once a while but something that is continuously and constantly burning.
As to the “how”? When we remember that our partner is a person with their own needs and wants, we will know what to do.
We did nothing…
he always ignore what i say…
like i’m talking to the wall,
his behaviour change faster than the rocket to launch when he has his own friend around him…
I think this relationship is meaningless….sob..sob..
I should end this RELATIONSHIP!!!
yes..Kenny u make a good decision to break up with ur love one cause there nth both of u can do anymore….
it aint sweet anymore once the guy got her to bed……! cos the kick and challenge is over!!
i’ve been dating my other half for 7 and a half years now and in that 7 and a half years, 2 and a half years are spend as a long distance relationship.
i think before either side think of ways to re-ignite that spark, the thing is to simply not take it for granted.
i’ve learned that being with someone for such a long time, the other half is practically an extension of yourself, a part of you. and that can be easily taken for granted.
once we realize that, then it becomes simple.
whatever we do, whatever gifts buy, however many times ‘i love you’ is said, if we dont take it for granted, it’ll mean so much more.
Hmmm, spark,
spark is unnecessary in today’s environment.
Money rules big time. No money, no job security, house or pad…etc….nope…
Better be single and drink your soft drinks. I love coke…..
kenny wtf is this? where are the good posts? you sold your ass for a few bucks and now the whole of kuching has to read some love advice that we could have read from some 15 year old girls blog.
WUT THE HELL IS THIS?
just give away all the hugo boss perfume at random already geez.
next you will be writing about sanitary pads and ‘how to keep comfortable during that time of the month’ wtf.
“make” baby…. haha, once u have child, the couple life will never be the same…anymore. if wan to “spark”, then make bab(ies) lo. haha. kenny~ u playing ps2 right? u using logitech’s controller?
the reason my relationship survived till today is because me and my other half dont meet each other often..He works in sarawak and i study here.we only meet once a month or two, but when he comes back we do many fun things together because we really missed each other. (when the spark is about to go off it gets ignited when we meet again.)To keep each other reminded of our relationship and existence we text and talk at least once a day, regardless if its a 2 minute talk or a 2 hour conversation. When he is around, we give each other spaces.. “try not to be too nosey bout each other’s bussiness” dunno bout the rest but soo far this method has been keeping my realationship alive for nearly 4 years
man time. lady time. female time. it works. sometimes being together for too long, you start to lose focus. focus being WHY you got together in the first place. you start to see all the bad stuff, the ugly side of your partner.all the wonderful things vanish as you see her pick her nose, see him fart in your face. ==!
being apart for a while actually works well.give each other some space, some ‘alone time’, away from your obligations in a relationship, away from your partner’s expectations from you. some alone time gives you the chance to miss the presence of him/her, and to feel the wanting to be with him/her more. you cherish the moments you’ve had together and will have the wanting to create more of those special moments.
personally, i’m in Australia and he’s back in Malaysia. there isn’t a day that i don’t miss him.
alone time. him time. her time. it works to bring the spark back, especially when you see him/her again. the feeling is INCREDIBLE! 🙂
Eternal Love Mind Set
Just keep my mind on the right side, understanding and believing, entertaining is my hubby’s job, with his humors and his attentions, he can spark our relationship. Playing with our children still the best way for me n hubby to fell that we need each other.
it really depends on your other halves behaviour, views & personality.
Some of my ex-es are really possesive and before you know it, the same question arise from my head. What does he want from me?? I can’t wait to get out. Every minute with him was like hours. It’s a complete depression. But.. but.. this doesn’t mean I don’l love him. I do. I’d miss him when he’s not around. I do wonder what’s he been doing whole day, what’s the story in the office. You know, sort of not important petty stuff but it’s good to know.
But if I spent too much time with him. I felt tired. I wanna puke the 3-word out. (it’s Good Bye Chuck, not I love you). Cause I just can’t stand it. Conversations will soon turn into heated arguments. But when he left, you still miss him.
That was the ex. That was the old story. I then attached to my current boo, which I don’t know what to say. He.. open minded, not possesive, and he understands that sometimes, I (or girls) need to be alone. It’s like a girlfriend to me. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if i suggests three-some, but let’s not get there. I get bored easily. And well, I’d say he try his best not to call when i’m out with fling or so.
I wouldn’t mind either. We both need our time-out. A healthy relationship is as easy as keeping it fresh. Who knows he might learn a trick or two out there.
well… i use to think.. if u love each other.. and have them in ur heart… u will last forever
but how stupid i am…
u really have to work very hard, cheer her, accompany them, be there when she wan u, always surprises…
For God’s sake Kenny, stop whoring yourself and return to writing quality posts.
Sex and food are the keys to a guy’s heart and diamonds/gifts and hugs are the keys to a gal’s. Need I say more? Just shower each other with variations and that will keep the spark alive.
Scrap the Ads la. It is so fucking boring.
There aren’t many better ways that will make you feel loved than the both of us sitting side by side, each minding his and her own business on our own laptops, when all of a sudden, an IM pops up from her with the words “I Love You” . The match has just been lit.
Hmmm Is there such thing as true love? Eternal Spark? I for one would love to know somebody who have it for a change. All “love fades” talks is depressing…
Allow me to tell u a story of how to keep my man of my life beside me…..
I knew my hubby 11 years ago. I was the naive, fresh STPM grad who knew nothing about the world. My first job was to meet my hubby-to-be… No-la… In my first job, I was always being blamed for not keeping the quality of the products that caused so much rejects at his testing line…. hehehee I never knew his name (always protected by my boss during meeting) until my first company dinner. I was arranged to sit in the same table with him. I was amazed how those ladies in that table trying to impress him. Yucks!! that would be the last guy I would marry….
A few days later, I resigned from the company to pursue my study. Things changed. He asked me out for jogging, visiting friends, movies and all those was always with a group of ladies. Imagine, 4 ladies (including me) going out with him. One of my friend was there, so I joined just for the sake of passing time. As time goes by, the number of ladies reduced. Then I came to know that all of them like him (let’s call him J). Don’t know why…. Guess what?? a few months later, it’s only me and him, why? It’s like a routine activity for weekends. And I began to like his companion….
We dated each other and meeting only during weekends. And each meeting was sure to impress each other. This lasted for 3 years, until a girl newly joined the company was trying to tackle him. The status quo had been challenged. I (the stupid one) told him to go after the girl. I backed off….. hey, he loved me more…
2 years later, I met a guy, V. He was head over heels on me. J knew and was very jealous. He picked on every single thing I did. At last, he broke into tears and I soften my heart and loved him more…
Then my boss sent me off to other states…. 400km apart. This was the best season of our relationship… It’s like back to square 1. We always tried to impress each other with out stunning looks and characters. And finally, he decided to ask for my hand…… I agreed immediately (talk about eagerness to get married!!).
I resigned and moved back to where he is…. He was so caring… Still remembered how he searched for me when I work late (the 1st time at the new company): he called my hp (weak signal at office); call my extension (but I was chatting away with my colleague in other cube); went to a club (where I used to go for swimming/gym); drove to my company to look for car at the parking lot;….. And this taught me a lesson to call him after 1730 hour whether I am planning to work late or not… hehehehe
Then I had a baby. He was so excited, he showed so much love and cared for me. When BB was borned, he took care of him, just like a mom… I loved him more…. but somehow…. as BB grew, he changed, tremendously. He came home late (midnite). He was never at home during weekends. He did not believe in family time. He never say I love u (‘coz it’s meant for fooling little girls). He scolded me. He blamed me for everything that went wrong. But when I asked, ‘What’s wrong, honey?’; the replied was always ‘Nothing’.
I tried so many ways…..
– is he going thru depression? I kept quiet, giving him his ‘cave time’ (if u read men are from mars)
– BB too noisy? I always pulled BB away from him when he cried
– I have changed? I was so cautious with my languaged and speech
– I am haggard? I signed up for facial and slimming courses
– he’s too busy with work? give him ‘cave time’
– my expectation too high? close my eyes and shut all the -ve feelings
– there’s no privacy between us? I invited him for movies, but he turned down my offer
– etc…. I even consulted my friends for advise….
At last, I went hysteria…. i screamed and shouted and cried non-stop….. he didn’t hug me. Instead, my cried my feelings out repeatedly… ‘Please dun leave me… I’m afraid….’ That was when he realized what was going on. came over to hug me and tell me that he’s not leaving us. As usual, nothing was wrong between us, just that he wants me to continue smiling and share the joy with him which i haven’t been doing after the arrival of my BB (>3 years)…..
Man, sometimes can be very difficult to understand but he’s always loving at heart…. Reading books about man can help at times, but not always. How to hold him next to me? He just needs to tell me, not John Gary/KennySia. Just wish he could share more with me…. And I love him…..
We have dated for 8 years. Sparks come and goes. The first 3 months is where the sparks was the best as everything was so new.
We do things together from shopping grocery to watching football together. I cook for him gourmet food and once in a while some candle lit dinner to change the ambience. He on the other hand will be there to take care of me especially when I’m sick – buy me porridge, changing warm towel over my forehead. It’s all these little things that we were doing for each other that kept the 8 years relationship alive.
WE also came to a point or shall I say ME came to a situation where I felt the relationship was monotonous and it became a little boring. It did strike my mind thinking that maybe he is not the one and maybe i don’t love him anymore. But that was all wrong. We worked things out to patch the relationship together and try to create some sparks again. So in the end to help spark up the relationship, we went travelling or just stay in a hotel in KL together to have a different environment and ambience. The best place to travel for both of us is just to find a place where both of us can relax and spend quality time together doing nothing and admiring each other and thinking back the good quality things we used to do with each other.
Never forego a relationship just because you think that there isn’t anymore sparks in it especially after many years of understanding, caring that one has provided to another. Love is like a plant. It needs to be taken care of constantly, by watering it, putting it under the sunlight once in a while etc. SO cherish your partner for you might not know what you will miss most till you lose him/her.
To keep the spark of relationship both way must take the effort. Be it vacation, outing, dinner or party be it cheap or expensive as long as you enjoy the companionship and communication i am sure the sparks will really goes on.
I’ve been in and out of my current relationship for 8 years already due to immaturity from both parties. Planning to get married in 2 yrs time.
To be completely honest, having a relationship this long is not easy and not recommended. It’s super tough ok, especially from a guy’s perspective.
Being together this long, you tend to “see” more in a person than meets the eye. No, I’m not talking about seeing beyond the clothes and underneath it. I’m talking about character and attitudes that one reveals over that period of time, by being with each other. Of course, it’s the same for me too. I’m sure she sees more about me than when she first met me.
Now when you’ve seen so much, being a guy, you sometimes let your eyes wander off, and if you’re not careful, low and behold, your heart drifts off too.
It’s very easy to look at ones blemishes and imperfections, but behold another’s beauty and marvels like they’re the many times better than your current partner, especially if you’ve been together for so long.
But if you look carefully, you may find more blemishes and imperfections in that person than in your current partner.
Doesn’t it make you wonder at times, why in the world did you chose him/her in the first place?
The answer lies in your relationship and how long and far you both have traveled together. If it’s just because of emotions and “feel”, be careful.
Like many people have probably mentioned, being in a relationship and actually aspiring that it stays together till death do us part, indeed takes more than just emotions and crushes. It takes a lot of work and effort in reasoning, logic, communication and pure love.
I’m a person of balance and reason. I’m not into the kinda thing where couples get together cause the other person’s really stunning and hot and I’m all over him/her thing. I think that’s really immature and at the end, you’ll only hurt yourself. You’re entitled to your own opinion and my opinion is entirely mine alone.
Part of what I do that works for my relationship are surprises. The element of surprise and awe works for my gal. Please don’t quote me and assume it works for your gal.
My gal appreciates surprises. To her, it is the sense of thoughtfulness that creates a lasting attraction. Words of love are also important because it is reassuring and comforting at the same time.
We’ve been through good and really hard times together, and many times when I reflect over the years, I just hold her face and look into her eyes and say, “Thank you for loving me all these years despite all that I am that are imperfect in many ways, yet you chose to stay by me when you could find a man better than me anytime.”
Then we’d just be teary in each others’ arms.
To me, reflection and efforts are both keys that are vital for me to keep this relationship in a state of romance which is of UTMOST importance in any serious long term relationship.
I was brought up in a broken family and I know how it is like being a child in that situation.
I wanna make sure I do my part to prevent history from repeating itself.
Long term relationships does not necessarily mean the end of your life dreams. Another key is to be open to each other’s dreams and desires of achievement in future, and stand by each other in support and strength for your partner to be the best they can be in their God-given potential.
We have no right to be an obstacle to our partner’s progress and improvements in life. We should be the one to flame and encourage it till it bears fruits. If we don’t stand by him/her, who else will?
God bless your relationships.
oday’s topic is nothing new to me. It is a topic which me and my wife will always bickering around. “Do you still love me?” & all those “Last time hoh u will … BUT NOW…sigh”. Well, we already been together for 8 years and to keep the fire burning will depend on the willingness for each other to do it. So let me share my ways to keeping the sparks or fire.
The key to this whole “feeling in love” are “SURPRISE”.
When we started off dating, i already start to tell her that i need ‘some room’ for myself and she agreed. This is very important.
Therefore, I have my “secret cabinet” in my house and also one back in my hometown. I already told her that since we are now staying together, planning for SURPRISES without her knowledge is so difficult so she agreed not to peep into this “secret cabinet”
It holds the important gadget that enable me to plan & construct SURPRISES for her.
When i saw any interesting, i would buy it and keep it inside my ‘secret cabinet’ and wait till the right moment to SURPRISE her. Sometimes, it would be there for years but eventually it always work for me. I would see her smile and laughter and i would get all the hug in the world from her.
The most recent surprise i have for her is last week where i saw some stall selling those sweet balloon that are in ‘doggy shape’. As we went shopping together at Ikano Power, i have to find a way to be alone. So, the best part is going to Bookstore where she seldom follows and i would go to buy the balloon. I don’t just pass to her. I would go to the car and place it properly. A place where she can see it before she enter the car. Then i would just pretend the silly look of which finally will get a big kiss from her. Well, to the guys out there, a flower also work.
Sometimes, i even have to run around shopping mall to get this thing done cos sometime we don’t have all the time in the world and if it is unnatural, my wife will notice and i would waste my idea.
Other SURPRISES that will work is to ‘cook her favourite meal’. Good thing for me, my wife love luncheon meat & cheese a lot, so it make it so much easier for me. Remember don’t cook too often until it run out of value. Cook at the “right timing” to create SURPRISE.
If she go out to shopping mall with some friends, SURPRISE her by sitting at the same restaurant with her.
If i run out of ideas, just get a romantic love movie and copy it. Doesn’t matter even though it is not original, the important part is that she know that i am willing to do something for her.
kenny, an unrelevant question, is that a ps3 u got dere?
halo kenny, can write something more interesting onot? not relationship crap again n again. ppl got different ways n different priorities. seems to me u wana make all d small boys n girls happy oni. maybe u are 1 i duno, but stop preaching la rite.. u got talent to write no doubt, but u keep writing these shit, gets bit annoying rite. this hugo shit 1 overrated scam, they pay u okla fine, but over exposing 1 good way to drive ppl away. ppl chose perfume based on scent, not r’ship bullshit.
Yes..flowers(big bouquet of roses please), champagnes, candle light dinners, formal suits, “I LOVE YOU!” But guess what? we always says,”No, i dont want my boyfriend to do that, it’s very useless, plus, the flowers will wilt, totally useless!”(I always says that to my friends, haha) But, THAT IS WHAT WE ONE!!
And trust me, some girls tried to create the “SPark” in their relationship by creating enviness (Example: pretend to go out with some other guys), this may work by chance and luck only. Untrained couples, please dont do that. Really!
Love is… just so blind.
Couples always think that they can last forever in th misdt of their relationship.. but it’s not that true.
I had this ex (I have no idea why I picked him, I guess it was th chemistry and th will to try), who was super childish, but was willing to change his poor attitude for me
But he screws it up everytime and I was th one getting hurt most of th time because he keeps breaking his promises. We broke up, duh, but after 7 months. Gee, I wonder how I tahan.
Anyway, before heading onto a relationship, I think one must really get to know that other party well before moving on, because you might regret your choice later.
Never regret on what you have decided, cos by the, it’d left a scar or it’d be too late to turn it around..
I think the way to keep the spark alive in any relationship is simply to keep the spark alive in life. Too many people are jaded, weary and worn out from work, school, etc that they forget to have fun. Fun’s not only reserved for childhood, man.
For me, spontaneity is a huge plus. I love doing absolutely random, spontaneous things. Just doing something I’ve never done before once a week is good enough to rejuvenate myself and my relationship.
Recently, something he did was to book air tickets to India without letting me know the destination up to the moment before we boarded the plane. He knows I love to travel, esp to culturally-rich places, and the experience of backpacking in India is something I’ll never forget. The motels we stayed in, the family we lodged with, the people we met, the food, everything! It just bonded us a whole lot.
Last year, I booked us into a cooking lesson just for the hell of it. I knew we BOTH were terrible cooks and hated cooking (but loved eating). Hahaha it’s true that misery loves company, and we both had a great time generally creating chaos in the kitchen . Of course food fights, a messy kitchen and a very very annoyed instructor cook followed.
It doesn’t have to be all roses, chocolate, dinner and I-love-yous. Sometimes just retaining some child-like spontaneity and sense of fun is good enough.
Cantonese say a爱-讲没用，åšæ‰å®žé™…ï¼ï¼
we don’t talk love, we make it!
I have been with my bf for 5 years now which includes a almost 2 year long distance relationship.Poeple often says that after the first 2 years of dating,the sparks would normally die out and then that is when troubles arises.Well,every couple is bound to face obstacles and problems every now and then, it is just how we can overcome it.If anyone of you are facing it right now,you are not alone.If you love someone deeply,you’ll do anything to save the relationship isnt it? Toleration,trust and understanding towards each other is a really big issue here in maintaining a good relationship.My bf is my first and who says true love doenst exist? I’m not saying i can guerentee 101% we’ll be together but,i’ll do whatever it takes to keep us together until the end.Who doenst? The time we spent,the food we ate together,the places we travelled,the jokes we shared,the shoulder i leaned and cried on,and the sweetest is to see them getting upset when were the one getting upset in the first place!They can hurt you the most and yet we seemed to fall more deeply in love everytime.Think of all these precious moments before you end a relationship.After spending 5 wonderful years with my bf,i still ask him why does it seems likes we have just dated? Tell your partner how much u misses and love them everyday.This is how you can keep the sparks alive.
Ok… i have never been in any relationship but i think that maybe going to a class together could reignite some spark. Eg. going to a dance class or martial arts class together.
easy. set ur bf on fire. with petrol. sure spark tak habis one.
communication is important in a relationship and also in maintaining the spark. if u let ur partner know how u feel and what are ur problems, then solve it together…tis is a great way to maintain the spark. you can jus tell ur partner that ur spark is slowly ‘dying’ then he/she will know what to do to light up the spark (eg. flowers, dinner, holidays…etc)Express ur feelings and love by saying’I love U’ & ‘I miss U’ are also a type of communication.
being together as a couple, we mus tolerate each other but how long and far can u tolerate someone…at the first few months of a relationship u might think it is jus a small matter but those problems might be the causes of ur ‘dying’ spark…so never under estimate a small problem in relationship because when things involve human being and emotions/feelings, it will never end..so communicate and talk to each other what u like or dislike will help make life easier (& save time) for both.(girls will stop complaining to guy that they dunno wat they wan & guys will stop complaining that what girls are thinking)
conclusion, holidays, flower, dinner and etc is a way of gaining back ur spark but all of tis cant be done without communication. when couples communicate, it is also a sign of commitment; u are willing to share ur happiness and sadness wit ur partner – go through all the bad times wit him/her.
Is love buying LV handbags, taking a girl to Santorini, nouvelle cuisine everyday?
Love is, and I quote, “Love is the ability to see beyond the faults of another and discover the beauties of his or her heart.”
Truth be told, love is everything. Love is when my girlfriend straightens my tie, or simply when I read her old smses over and over.
I’m not the love doctor. We’re not the perfect couple out there. As long as I’m happy and she’s happy. It’s difficult to find the balance of do’s and don’ts, but conflict isn’t always bad.
Communication. We talk to one another. Surprises showed me she cares. We’re together to witnesses each others lives. I carry her, she’ll carry me.
Cheesy huh? but hey, whatever fits my shoe.
things you should do to him/her:
Special (make him/her feel that he/she is special)
Precious(buy precious stuff or treat her preciously)
Appealing (always look appealing = dress up)
Rich wit love (tell him/her ‘I LOVE U’)
Kowtow (do this when u did something wrong)
LoL…there sure are alot of comments gonna flood here soon. I’m not here for the contest, just wanna seek advice from you
Kenny, if possible…would you mind send some of the best replies ever posted here? i’ll appreciate much. i’m having sort of a dilemma and i need to make a swift and wise decision before falling for the wrong things again. i hope this wouldn’t really bother you..and hoping this would solve my problem with ease
thx
i’ve been enjoying my relationship with my gf almost 1 and the half year. 5 months ago, she left to United State for study. since then,this is not only a lon-term and even a long-distance relationship.
well, eventhough it is a long-distance, we still meet each other everyday. How? very simple…we just turn on our web cam 24/7. so that, i can see whatever she is doing in her room in certain angle.
i guess there is still too much “man time” for me now. in my opinion, relationship just like a marathon,as u cant stop but slow down. once u stop, u few reluctant to continue. aren’t u?
hence, just do something extraordinary to let her or he know your situation.for instance, she sent me her diary as my birhtday present. that was my best birthday present ever. since then, we don’t hav any single secret within us anymore.
so, what say u?
sometimes it reminds me of the oldschool way where parents decide who is goin 2 be ur soulmate…coz sumtimes serious its gettin bored wen u spend 2 much time b4 u evn gettng into d marital stage…4 my prsonal case, i use 2 go 2 my gf’s place once a month,n wen its cme 2 holiday we will go 4 holday..exmple back in sabah we went 2 sapi island,snork,banana boating….but im nt sure 4 d other status of relationship,whether its a near or far realtionship..bt 1 thng 4 sure…making him or her a breakfast wud be perfect!buy oso cn LAH..put little effort LAH waking up earlier then her
110% agreed!
I started my relationship around January last year, right before i left malaysia to pursue my overseas study. I’m silly but lets dont get into details of it.
She is my first girlfriend and of coz i gave her my best of everything. We sms each other like never before coz international call cost a bomb. At one point i blew like Rm2000+ just to call her everyday when she complain i never used to call, only sms sms n sms. I am naive and i always believed that in a relationship its best if u give them ur best effort so that if things never work out, u will have no regret since u already tried ur best.
The most unexpected thing i did for her is preparing valentine gift. She never could have expected all this since i got her (i confessed) a day before i left malaysia. The process is extremely difficult as i have to set connection in her university so tat she can get the gift on that day itself. And not to mention getting the gift from my house to the university. Completed the whole process using only phone n msn. ahh… talking about the power of modern communication system.
However i learn a very important lesson during the next valentine day. Never ever give them the best, coz u know u will run out of idea or she will be so used to all the stunt u can pull in the 1 year span. So in short, i tried to surprise her by never preparing anything at all. Needless to say, dont be an idiot like me and celebrate that special day as disaster.
For gals u can only do better and not worse. Since u gave her ur best, u cant do better. get what i mean?
SEX SEX! and more SEX! LoL. Kiddingz. Love, Trust and Understanding. Most important yet everyone tend to forget about it. I guess keeping spark alive would require a lot of time and it is best to take things slow so that both can spend more time doing new things once in awhile. Not doing everything new all at once until there is nothing new to do.
Every begining of a relationship is full of excitement, curiosity and passion. Once married, things will change dramatically. That’s why you can see people don’t get marry in todays world. Besides, more freedom.
To make a permanent relationship with the one you love, you have to give full commitment, be passionate (act it eventhough you don’t) and increase the intimacy between both of you. Well, I learn this from my own experinces when I failed twice.
The first one I was too shy to show my feeling. Me and him physically were so near but far in heart. Soon, we broke. Link
The situation is almost similar with my second ex-bf. I didn’t have the time to spend with him since we stayed far apart and I’ve to work hard for my exam. Not even a month, we broke.
Learning from my previous mistakes and failures, I change myself in managing a relationship. I try to build a stable relationship with my current bf by giving commitments. I even put some efforts by reading some books that help to build a health relationship with my boy. So far, I found out that John Gray’s book: “Men Are Mars, Women Are Venus” is the best among the others.
Gray states that man has his own cave which is similar with your “man time”. Therefore, I truly believe that girls need to leave their men in that critical period or else will end up quarreling or worst… “WAR”…
In order to maintain the relationship, I will give fully commitment and respect as well to my boy.
#I like this topic. It has reminded me my role as a girl friend.. 😀
to be with the right one where both actually has the chemistry. besides putting a lot of efforts and sacrifices, love works in one compatible couple, compatible in the sense of anything and everything which clicks their perception, personality and acts.
Long term relationship would not likely to go stale, again with the right one, when u stare in the eyes u know whats in the mind, when both actually spontaneously voice the same word at that very typical similar seconds, and with one word being mentioned u know what hes gona do next. even years being with the same guy, these wud be a great one embedded in ur mind, so lovely that u think both are specially meant to be together. with these then to take the efforts to sustain the ship, to appreciate those million moments spent together, to think of eternality.
couple can always spend time together, but sometimes its good to refresh stuffs by either to be distance apart a few weeks, to realise how wonderful to have him/her, or instead to just spend time traveling together, in another place another country, to actually grow the bond between, to understand better.
with him doing something extraordinary as to neva washed a dish to suddenly help out, or even surprisingly got u something u longed to buy but yet u neva told him, some mind secret thing. lOLS …etc etc. and with him at no occasion but to just show some love with a big bouquet of roses….
with her to decor up the place with candles n wines n some lovey dovey stuffs a scene of romance awaiting him to come home from work to throw a big surprise, to leave sticky love notes everywhere, to kiss him and pamper his head when hes starting to doze off…lols. etc etc.
perhaps something more, more than these, instead, to rear pups or any fav pets ,…. both actually to spend time buying pet food or going to vet and taking the pet for a stroll at the park and spending time socialising or even training the pets. etc etc.
giving the right time, space and freedom for men to actually do what they want, hangout with his frens, and do some men stuffs is good. say he aint a smoker but sometimes while drinking wif the gangs, reasonable to allow him to smoke once, though these stuffs girls dun hv to say no or anything to be in anger wif, trust ur man, he surely does whats right and avoid whats wrong.
there are much more commitments, responsibilities and etc etc…… but, neva been there done that, u neva knew, u neva tasted how it tastes! LOLS 🙂
Love alone does not make a relationship go the distance. Feelings are volitile. But those who’ve made the COMMITMENT to stay in for the long run, can make it work. Without commitment, you miss out on what love really can mean.
If you don’t water the plant, it dies.
Yes, I agree that it is ultimately important to keep the spark alive in a relationship, any relationship including love, family and friendship.
For love, I considered lucky enough although I’ve married to a unbeatable-most-boring-and-ca tao (loghead) man in this world. We are so comfortable to each other that we don’t try to impress each other anymore (like you said, Kenny). My hubby used to think that making the spark alive is unnecessary or it should be understood, however I have to keep ‘training’ him and keep sharing him articles on maintaining a healthy relationship. After my numerous patient and effort, he seems to improve a bit and we progress into a better relationship constantly. Now, we are geographical seperated as I am residing in USA while he is in Singapore. One thing that he would sure do is to call me every night before I go to bed, eventhough it’s just to say 2 words like good night or sweet dream.
No matter how busy he is, or how inconvenient he is (sometimes he is catching plane or he is in a factory that cellphone is not allowed), he will call me or at least sms me.
This little gesture is the best spark in our long-term and long-distant relationship.
wow.. kenny, thanks for posting this, really, i actually really needed it.. i’m in a relationship with someone special right now and we haven’t seen each other for 5 months now..
i’ve lost faith in long-distance relationships due to an earlier relationship.. so i couldn’t help but worry when me and my current guy were forced to be apart. but through bad turbulence and smooth sailing together, i came to realize that if there’s a will, there’s a way.. and if it’s true love we will be together no matter what.
i admit our relationship hasn’t been so mushy-mushy now then it used to be, we both have our own commitments at the moment.. but we’re still going strong because we make it an effort to re-ignite that spark that kept us together every now and then..
how? it might not sound so romantic, but when we’re both free, we’ll take our time talking to each other about anything – everything – because that was the ‘spark’ that tied us together in the first place..that was the reason we were brought together. to talk to him like we used to brings back forgotten, fond memories that doesn’t fail to bring a tear to my eye everytime.. 🙂
to keep a relationship strong is to fall in love with the same person more than once – and you can achieve that by re-living the precious moments together.. and i believe that is how couples keep the spark in their relationship.. 😉
What keeps the spark in a relationship?
I think, in order to keep the “spark” in a relationship, we have to :
1.Spend QUALITY time not quantity.Although quantity may come in handy quite often. But, spending too much time with each other often makes the relationship dull and predictable. Believe me, I’ve been there and I couldnt stand it having to make myself see my bf when I rather have some time to myself or some time to hang out with my girlfriends.
2.Be mysterious. Perhaps do something unexpected. Like, I’m not the type who says, “I love you” often. And, I like to write love poems so that he knows and can be reassured about how I feel though I dont express it often. Cause saying it often makes it overated and meaningless.
3.Being nice. Like, giving him a massage after he had a long day, cook for him, buy him a gift…etc..
4.Give each other enough space. Its really ironic but I have never ever have enough space from my bf. I seem to have possesive bfs. And the only time I actually miss my bf is when I’m away from him. It is only then I appreaciate the times when he was around. So, a bit of space is always good.
5.Maintain the image you had when you first fell for each other. Cause if thats what that attracted you, it wil be certainly something that will be able to keep the relationship going.
6.And most importantly, honesty. No matter how much the truth hurts, it hurts more when it comes out later. Lesser pain now, greater pain when you think it’s best to hide and then one day the other person finds out and gets heartbroken.
Well, thats my 2 cents… =)
Was wondering do you condone swinger, since for some this type of thrill would spark up a couple’s love life.
this is my first time commenting in this blog,
well here goes..
me and my girl have been together for two years and i’m oni eighteen, she’s seventeen dough. nowadays we seldom meet each other. sometimes just twice a month, things that kept us alive is that we constantly sms. checkin out on each other and see whether both of us is ok..guys dont be a pervert and invade her personal life. she needs some freedom and space for herself too. whenever we get along, i’ll bring her to her favourite dining area where i’ll order her favourite food/drinks/deserts. speaking about food, she’s in secondary school right..so..sometimes when i’m free or around the corner, i’ll jz drop by a slice of cake which she likes or even bake her one. but a slice of cake is best to go along with a main right..so..i made her some food as well, example: bolognese..or..porridge..etc..just make her somethin and put effort into it. she’ll love it..
letters/presents- guys dont stress urself and go buy expensive stuff or those soft toys which cost you few days of allounce. make her one from ur heart. she’ll be melted when she receives it, oh ya. and suprise her wif the gift is the best.
for future plannings , guys out there. you can give stop by her house while she’s almost to be and make a big I LOVE YOU SIGN n give her a call and ask her to look out. she’ll be havin a hard time sleepin on that day..
so..thats all i got..the rest is up to u guys to work the magic..
The sparks can go off too easily in a long-term relationship. But, it is down to both sides to lit the flames up again.
My gf and I has recently hit the 2 years anniversary. To be honest, we have argued alot in this relationship & i really mean ALOTT. Certainly, those fights have kept our love at bay but i must say that the efforts put in to keep one another really explains ” love can bring wonders ”
Suprises are important. My first suprise given to her was a birthday dinner which were initially celebrated by only 2 of us. Instead, i ended up inviting the whole gang with me presenting the cake romantically. She teared. Unbelievably, i did something heroic for Christmas. I climbed up to her room’s window on the eve and hang Christmas bells with the lovely present tucked in the Christmas socks. It felt wonderful..
Secondly, communication can play a big role. She never fails to call me at least once in every 2 days just to ask how was the day and about me. When your relationship has turn sour out of the sudden, its essential to talk about the past with your partner. Reflecting on the past really hits your head how much you’ve changed compared to before. That helps both parties regain their soft loving sides. Having these conversations once in a while really makes me treasure her more the next time i go out with her. Hug her tighter, more kisses and so on you know? Sometimes, we even chat till we fall asleep and i guess it’s pretty funny waking up with the phone stucked between the face and the pillow. Then you smile and reasise “ohh..=)”
Promises, keeeeep your promises. I guess i have failed not once but many times in keeping my promises. It has definitely wrecked my gf’s trust in me in these 2 years. But, don’t give up. Gain her trust again. Mean what you tell her and do what you meant. She feels secure when you actually do what you initially planned to do. Especially if its something big which she has many doubts for.
Lastly, Patience, you have to be around. Being distant from your partner can cause your mind to stir and drag you away from the reality that your partner still loves you as much. Distance tend to make both parties insecure which therefore constant quality communication steps in to comfort one another such as sweet talks. Do not ever be shy to be sweet to your baby. Whoever she is. If you love her deeply enough, you’l be able to interpret how important is her smiles when she’s happy.
Aside from the above, do shower your partner with gifts occasionally. She just bought me a Zen Stone MP3 for the anniversary. Oh well, fights still happen but i’m doing whatever i can to keep the flames burning! I’m only 18 this year but love can definitely push you to the furthest limits and turn you to someone unexpectable. My friend once told me that i’m one of the sweetest guy around. It’s nice to hear but you definitely have to believe that in love, ignorance is not bliss.
there will be no sparks without effort. sparks doesnt come with fresh air or sunshine. both parties need to put it extra effort to spark up their relationship. Never ever take each other for granted. however, it is easier said than done. in every relationship, come to a point, a person will naturally take the other party for granted.
the basic thing we can do here is to constantly remind ourselves to appreciate one another and not to take each other for granted. This reminder alone is good enough as it will leads to other little actions to spark up a relationship such as breakfast in bed or taking the rubbish out or simply snuggle in front of a tv 🙂
As a wife, one should sometimes relax a little and let the imperfections passed. They may not have lift the toilet seats, but there is no point screaming your lungs out or nagging away. Find ingenious way to get the message across…perhaps you can try purposely pee on the toilet seats too. They will surely get the message when they need to bomb tokyo next time…:p
Well, afterall little girls are made of sugar & spice and little boys are made of.. ermm…. dirt? Inevitable that they are lazy… dirty…. and etc…:p
As for the hubby, instead of sitting like a piece of lard glued to the tv 24/7, make an effort to look at your other half and admire her tired-less effort to ensure your home is forever sweet. sometimes, you need not spend a lot just so to bring back the sparks. Just a simple :
“Honey, I am so thankful that I got you as my wife…. there is no where else I wanna be except here,with you” follow by a hug..
(eventhough we all know very well that u prefer to stick in front of the tv, well just do it.)
Hm… how to keep the spark alive…
Well.. just abit of noticing and appreciation. I massages her foot when she feels tired and she loves it ^^ while dining, she likes to feed me for a few too. Do some cooking for her occasionally specially on special dates like aniversaries and stuff.
Hug her or hold her while watching TV. All those helps =) you don’t need to do to the extreme to let her notice coz women will notice even the slightest thing you do for them.
Mom and dad grew up together… knew each other since they were born and still got married. As for me? My longest so called “relationship” with a guy lasted 6 months. Why? Maybe because i’m still young and that probably wasn’t love and I just wanted the “taste” of having a relationship. So i’m going to comment on how my parents kept the spark in their relationship when they were engaged, married and post-babies. When daddy was studying overseas and mummy was back home in her country.. he wrote her endless letters and sweet notes on those cute little bookmarks. Mom kept them in a box and reads them very often, even now.. 30 yrs later. And when mom went to join him overseas to study, she stayed in a dorm when she had to cook but dad has food provided, so he would sneak out food for mom every weekend. Because they weren’t affluent, he would take mom out on dates.. in his little bicycle. Once he fell and he ripped mom’s skirt. Nevertheless, she still married him. Since my mom works for dad now, she sees him 24/7. Yet, she doesn’t get sick of him. I’ve always wondered why. They do everything together even reading newspapers. She would read one in chinese and he would read the english one. Then i realised, it’s because they have never changed since they started going out together. They are still the person they are when they fell in love with each other. Mom was never the type to dress up just to go out and then stay at home in sweatshirts. And dad was never pretentious to be a gentleman. He was, is and always will be one. He doesn’t just open the doors for mom when they were 21. He opens the doors for her now when he’s 50. He doesn’t just cook for her when he was 22. He still cooks for her now. She doesnt just tries new recipe for him when she was 21. She still tries to bake cakes for him now. She doesn’t wait for him when he comes home or kiss him when he leaves the door when they are newlyweds. 20 years later and she still does the same thing. Every day since I could understand words, i hear my dad calling “honey, I’m home” when he comes home from wherever, without failure. And my mom will be waiting by the front door, without failure. This is what kept their marriage (relationship) for ever. The fact that they did not change a thing about themselves but maintain the person that they are when they first got together. The fact that both my parents are true to each other and never once showed a pretentious side just to get the spark going. And also the fact that they complement each other so well that they don’t have to resort to trying to do new things to keep the spark going or to re-light that spark. Their fire is burning brightly and bigger than ever.
major sian-ness
Currently not in any relationship so no comments.
However I would play paintball with my partner. Provided she is in the opposing team.
Har har har
And Kenny, didn’t see you at the Terry Fox Run?
its just weird how you think and hope that things will go your way. i understand the ‘man time’ and i enjoy ‘my time’ as well.. i go out with my girlfrens and so does my man goes out with his buddies.. but letting a man being with a group of men sometimes can backfire. i suppose it all depends on the situation. i always believe in the saying, ‘if u love someone, let him be, and if he comes back to you… he’s yours’… but if a man while having his ‘man time’ and then bump into some other girls ‘time’… it may end up being.. ‘oh.. my gf dun really hang out with me much anymore… and that girl over there very leng.. cari lain la’… then how? and im telling you.. if a man hanging out with his buddies.. dont you think they act as though they are single?
seems like kenny went on a date with nicolekiss again…*rose rose i love u…* what about ‘her’?
True, sparks fly like crazy during weekend getaways :). But here’s my opinion:
Keeping the sparks alive is more like doing a chore/running an errand, but the difference is, you do it wholeheartedly and gladly.
It’s quite tricky because making all those efforts seem difficult, but if you really see it as a part of your routines, then it just kinda stuck (for 5 years now). You can’t not please your partner.
My bf likes to surprise me by bringing me char kwe tiao if he goes to that part of the town. I, on the other hand, never fail to bring him his fave kampong snacks when I’m out shopping.
More importantly, keeping the sparks works both ways. You might initiate it, but it takes two hands to clap. So, the key is to be appreciative and reciprocative.
I sometimes demand a fancy dinner, which he hates but does anyway and in return, he asks me to cook, which I hate but do anyway.
But I must admit that sometimes, our efforts go unnoticed, but don’t think that it means nothing. It’s just a delayed explosion, :). So, just do it!! Make it a chore!!
I text him to take the cough syrup out of the blue and I don’t mind if he’s too busy to reply. He doesn’t mind if I never wear the things he bought.
At the end of the day, keeping the sparks really means more than putting pink dresses and wearing contacts , cause hey, sparks flies even when me and my bf play Playstation in our stinky office clothes together. 🙂
I haven’t sleep in days, I think I’m at the verge of breaking up with my boyfriend of 4 years. we haven’t spoken for a while now.
I have to admit i do love my boyfriend to bits and i know he still loves me too. It seems like we just took a scene out of that movie “The breakup” (the one with Jenniffer Aniston) where suddenly, i’m not sure anymore. How did small things mountain up to sudden endings?
I know what i am saying is going agaisnt the topic “How to keep the sparks Alive”. I don’t think i am in the position to hand out tips now judging from my situation.
I can honestly say that my years with him were not alwaaays happy. I’m being realistic when i say that there were other girls and commitment issues. However, even through the tough times and the tears. I can safely say that, we always worked it out together.As long as the heart is forgiving and willing, we worked it out.
Coming back to the topic, i would say the best way to keep the sparks alive in a relationship is to COMMUNICATE.
Any couple would be lying if they say that after 1 year or so that they have nothing to complain about. Those Small things that you dislike in your partner are like bricks, that eventually build up after some time and turn into Walls. In my situation, that Wall has become too hard to break down =,(
Find time to talk to your partner about things that are bothering you. Don’t try to hide it.
My point is, it’s an added bonus in trying to ignite ‘Sparks’ by giving fancy gifts and going on expensive holidays. But the main thing is to always set time to talk things through, listen, be understanding and when required say “I’m sorry” and be forgiving.
i’m the typical 18 year old who gets in and out of relationships when i was younger then. eventually, i start to learn my lessons and try not to be the one always asking for a break-up when i got tired of the guy.
now i’m in a 3 years and 5 months relationship with my current boyfriend (since we’re 15?). oh yes, we can’t be too lazy if you want things to work really good, there’s always something new in a relationship and both guy and girl should make the effort and appreciate the effort, no complains like: this is costly, too tiring, too many hassles etc.
btw, i realised that efforts always slow down in a marriage and thus reducing that same spark when you fall helplessly in love. i don’t wanna lose that chemistry.
sometimes, we can just push those mushy lovey dovey acts aside. yes, we still need them, but not in excess!
just be each other’s clown, fool around with your partner and make silly comments. laugh at stupid jokes and let loose! my partner is one hell of a joker and he influenced me too. by being jokers together when we are in stressful situations and even on normal days, we actually love each other even more. but please, be a joker wisely! haha
There was a time when me and my husband of 7 years almost call it quit coz both were taking each other for granted (waaaaay, way for granted). Marriage life was so stale and boring that being in the same room was enough to suffocate us both. Then, something happen that change all that. I had an admirer! Bored to tears with no love and passion in life, I encouraged the guy’s interest. But since I was married and all, I informed my husband beforehand. He seemed unperturbed by it and said as long as I know the boundaries and knows how to take care of myself, he’s okay with it. Shocking? I felt the same way too that time. So since he gave me the green light, I took the advantage and enjoy being admired again. It made me feel beautiful, sexy and wanted. All the feelings that I no longer had when I was with my husband. Then one day, my husband stumble upon the text message the guy sent to me. It was a text telling me how HOT he thinks I am and if I ever become his, he’d do everything in his power to make me happy. I guess the text message was like a cold splash of reality to my husband. He took my hand and said forcefully to stop “this nonsense†with the guy and later said he’s sorry that he has been thoughtless in his husbandly duties and promise to be more attentive with our relationship. He begged me to work together to put the “love†back in our marriage and I agreed. I love him. He will always be the man for me. It was just that we were so preoccupied with our work and all that we were blinded (and not to mention lost) by it. We forgot what it feels to be in love and when we almost lost it, it jolted us back to reality. So I broke off with my admirer. Since then on, our marriage has improved drastically. Now, we tend to appreciate each other more than ever. We thought of many things for us to do to add spice back in our marriage. I see my husband in a new light especially when he pushed aside his male ego to beg me to come back and work out our marriage. I guess that was my way to see that he loves me still and I made him promised as not to get too comfortable with our relationship as so we won’t fall back to the old routine of taking each other for granted.
nurulhafilah_jualihi@yahoo.com
Hey Kenny! You may or may not know me. My name is Viola and i’m 13 yrs old.
I have never been in a long-term relationship before.
In fact, I have never been in any relationships.
But i guess the key that get a relationship going is just to go with the flow
But it mainly depends on HER/HIM. If she’s in the mood, then go for it! if she’s not just back off for now and try again a different time.
Just remember that you’re not going to get anywhere with a “i’m not good enough for her/him” mentality. Make sure you have a good self-esteem.
If i had a bad relationship, i would want my parter to patch it up by having a picnic at night under the stars or even better, a full moon.
It would help a lot if he apologizes for his mistakes and end with a simple yet sweet ‘I love you'[and meant it, of course!]
It would also be great if he surprises me with a bouquet of my favourite flowers once in a while. I wouldn’t want him to spend so much money on unnecessary expenditures for me but once in a while its ok laa =D
i have actually so much more ideas but then again, i have not been in a relationship so i wouldn’t know if it would work =)
I love your posts Kenny, you rock!
p.s.: just curious again =D are you dating Nicole? its ok if you dont wanna answer this question. I respect your privacy.
Again, YOU ROCK KENNY SIA!
-Viola
my oh my kenny..most of the comments are so bored and going like bla bla bla. i giv u 5 here
1- space = give each other some space..when apart, both will miss each other [this is only applicable if u are a good bf/gf, if not this will be a disaster when ur partner find out life will b much better without u]
2-being naughty = hey men like naughty women right? especially when they own u..and i lovee being naughty with my HubY..[its good for both so he wont find other cheeky girl]
3-talk n talk n talk = share EVERYTHING that happen around.out of topic? hey i just love to lay down on the bed and just saying nonsense things like what life would be if we are politicians, vampire hunter,famous celebrity, have power like x-men[err spiderman,batman n superman are excluded]and it always ended up im sleeping in his arms. working hours-sms will do
4-fun sex – no need to explain..typical plain sex are so boring..so both find out new way to make it fun.
5-make him feel er’useful’- yes i have my own money to buy things..to pay the rent..to pay the bills..but i do asked him money for me to spent, err for me to waste actually..i tell him how good he are in sex,how good he smell,how my night so empty when he’s not around..how i appreciate having him as a husband rather than having useless ‘mat rempit’,told him everything that let him know how precious he is to me. I dont think men likes women that is too independent like we dont really need him?
er and this one extra especially for girls..dress up for ur partner no matter how long u’ve been with them..u dont want ur partner to choose other girl just bcoz u r so outdated. Sexy outfit while with him also will do. We should have a good personality..dont make him lose face or he will lose love for us..
Many people here mention about effort, but the fact is, you need the spark to make the effort worthwhile.
Is there anyone reading this manage to keep it alive in a long-term relationship? By long term I meant Beyond 10years, and considering a marriage will last a lifetime of beyond 40 years, is it really possible?
in my opinion i think the 1st and foremost is there MUST be a mutual understanding between the partners and all childish behaviour like being hot-tempered, unreasonable, jelousy and etc must be put aside. Normally gals want attentions so does some guys. But in order to spark alive a long-term relationship each individual have to play their part properly as in if you want people to be concern bout you, you have to take the first step to be concern bout them but don’t overdo it. The mistake most couple do is being over concern and over protective. So yeah.
haha….i no need worry this spark thing as i in long relationship..summore i always hang around in his house n he doing the same thing too….need not worry bout contact lense n pretty dress as its weird to have such thing inside home…ehhe
we try to do things in different ways, and different positions. 🙂
seriously? we go out and do things we’ve nv done before/previously mentioned that we’d nv do. like gg to the zoo tgt/having a picnic in the garden.
was romantic. all over again. 🙂
1. Tell jokes – Tell him whatever I feel funny in my life
2. Learn what he likes – Learn his interests and do it with him. I know my boyfriend loves to collect stamps/currency notes/credit cards.. So I learn to read all those things and take notes of credit cards design. Ask him/tell him about it… He will feel that he is so important and give me such a great impact. Give him EGO so that he feels he is important. Sparks come then.
3. Cook for him – But make him wash the dishes. SO that he knows I am only an ordinary person. Do not dream of special thing on me.
4. Write him some cards with romance sentences…
5. Hang out with him and his friends… Let his friends feel that I am so friendly and good to talk to… When he is happy with my character/ the way I am with his friends.. He will love me more… and sparkling once again. 😛
I think keeping the sparks ignited is just one of the ways you can apply in order to keep the relationship alive. Of course, other things such as communications comes to play as well.
Eventually, if you end up with the wrong person ie someones who takes you for granted, someone whose constantly chasing after fairy tales type of love without being practical at all, you’re bound to break up at the end anyways.
I recently walked out from a 4.5 years relationship, because my ex complained that I never gave her enough attention and then she cheated on me twice. Someone who constantly seeks attention unrealistically, and expects you to keep the relationship just like the way you guys first knew each other is just plain stupid.
Hey, my name is Eugene and i am in a long term relationship now. It has been a year and a half since i last saw my girlfriend. The day was 12th July 2006 and the day i’m awaiting is 24th November 2007 to be back home. I’m only 19, and i started out with her when i was 17, making our relationship a good 2 years 8 months now. She was in Form 4 while i was in Form 5.
People rated us as monkey lovers, temporary needs and puppy love. So far, i’m glad we’ve proved almost everyone wrong. Due to our age, understandably we’re weak, we’ve never been apart and theory and experience from others say that we wont make it at all.
We’ve gone through hard times, ups and downs, sounds crazy for teens like us. Now we’re 19 and 18 years old respectively, still stronf for each other and still very much in the relationship. When i see her in 18 more days time, it’ll be like yesterday.
The secret for us is that we’re honest to each other and we treat each other like family. An analogy; no matter how much you hate your dad, mum, brother etc, they will still be your dad, mum, brother etc. That’s the way i treat her. She’s like family. Disregarding the distance and the years apart, be it 1 or 10, when we see each other, its like yesterday.
Throughout the 1st few months i had to motivate her to be strong and patient. It’s a difficult task nonetheless. Where do i get my strength and patience you ask? From God. Having a supreme being govern me, gives me the faith, courage and strength to stand up and be strong in my relationship. I ask her to do the same, pray pray pray. Seeking it from Him with a sincere heart. God has been the sole reason we’ve hung on. I owe it all to Him for keeping our passion alive.
Being a late teen, some may ask, what do we know about love? Godly love and human love is different so why use Him to get to her? Well i don. Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, it is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails (1 Corinthians 13 of the Bible).
My love for God is no different from my love for her. Society always thinks we have to be God-fearing. Well, i’m a God-centered and God-focus. I intend to have a relationship with Him and therefore, i am able to love Him, my creator, my saviour and my counsellor and certainly my companion, the same way i love my girlfriend.
Majority of people might tell you, that long distance relationship rarely works. Those are words from those who failed. Rarely we get the opportunity to hear from those who succeeded. I bet you, there’s plenty out there willing to share theirs too.
To conclude it all, i would say, you have be honest, strong and patience. You have to have courage, faith and will. Self-efficacy theory states, if you think you can do it, you can, otherwise, don do it.
This was written by my boyfriend when i told him that i wanted to join this contest.. At first,he even joked saying that he would rather buy the perfume for me than to have to write this out!! But still, here goes what he wrote for me with his heart (it’s kinda long but everyone,read it ok?! i’m so proud of him *big wet eyes*..):
Only for you… Bie Chai
Once in a while you meet couples who, after years being together, love still sparkle with each other. What is their secret? Are they just lucky? Too often, psychology focuses on what is wrong with people, rather than what is right with them. Let’s explore what keeps the sparks alive in a long-term relationship.
Trustworthiness, dependability, responsibility, respect, and a sense of commitment are a great beginning for a list on how to make a long-term relationship work. These key ingredients form a strong groundwork for a solid couple’s relationship. Despite the modern hype, without these basics in place, having great fun and/or terrific sex will not sustain an enduring or fulfilling relationship. For couples that lack a mature foundation to their relationship, adrenalin highs will eventually lose their edge and fade with time and familiarity. Without an exclusive, emotional, caring bond between two people, at least one of the partnership will likely search for the next exciting affair, once the thrill of their current relationship wears off. Adrenalin often attacks people, but it doesn’t provide strong enough glue to sustain a lasting relationship. In essence, two types of relationships are doomed to fail: commitments without fun and fun without a commitment.
So can couple’s have it all? I say, “yes,†but with a warning that I’m not suggesting a pie in the sky approach. Realistically, all couples have disagreements and periods of ups and downs. But, if they keep an open channel of communication between them and resolve to manage their differences with mutual respect, they’ll both feel positive about themselves, as well as their partner.
There are also some behaviors that provide a foundation for each partner to feel cared about, safe, and emotionally secure. In addition to practicing these behaviors, couple’s who remain in love for a lifetime oftentimes engage in some “extra flourishes.†Let’s examine the secret of couples who feel truly cherished by their partner.
Here is a partial list of things to do to make your partner feel truly treasured. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain by committing to these every-day behaviors. Marriage, like any long-term investment, must be continually nurtured along the way. Realistically, you can’t say, “I love you,†to your spouse on your wedding day and then expect since you’ve said it once, you won’t have to utter those words again!
1. Look your partner in the eyes when you’re talking. Engage their spirit.
2. Remind them, at least weekly, how much you appreciate their good qualities.
3. Invest time in your partnership having fun together (i.e. dancing, going to the theater, fishing, camping, hiking, taking classes together, etc.).
4. Both verbally and behaviorally, let your partner know how lucky you feel to be with them. Provide an abundance of appreciation.
5. Do things on a weekly basis that makes your partner feel nurtured (i.e. Buy them that new dress they mentioned was advertised on TV; Call before arriving home to see if there is anything they might need you to pick up for them; Leave a love note under their pillow; Offer to massage their tired feet and etc.).
All of these small behaviors, when done on a consistent basis, will make your partner feel special and appreciated. Through the law of reciprocity, it is human nature that they will want to treat you with the same kindness.
Recently, I visited a childhood friend I hadn’t seen in six years, who lived in Ipoh. When I arrived at his home, he had stocked his refrigerator with my favorite foods and placed them in the guest room, and arranged extra fluffy towels in the bathroom for me to use. Wow, did I feel special. I knew he had put thought into making my stay with him memorable and he wanted to show how much he cared for me. So often, people will put extra effort into showing their friends how much they care, yet they won’t do the same thing for their lifelong partner. This is the key message I’ve been building toward.
Those long-term couple’s who have that extra sparkle in their eyes when they see each other, who feel secure in their love, enjoy their time together and thank God that they have a soul mate in their lives, practice these extra “flourishes†constantly. It is a well-known fact that the biggest factor in your happiness as an adult will depend on your significant love relationship.
If you value something, it makes sense to spend time nurturing it. Relationships are a lot like plants. Yes, they can usually survive with the basics such as sunshine and rain, but have you ever noticed the big difference when you feed a plant a regular dose of fertilizer? That extra boost creates extra-ordinary results. If you want to treat your relationship like the most important investment you’ve ever made, I’d suggest you begin fertilizing your partner on a weekly basis!
Force myself to use my 50 quid per week budget like the following: 10 quid on weekdays and the remaining 40 quid on weekends. why? Normal days i will be studying in Glasgow and every weekend I will be taking the trip down to Edinburgh and meet her up:P
How I like to see it, a relationship is like blowing a bubble. If you blow too little it’ll just go small and die. Too hard it bursts. Same thing in a relationship. You do too little you get into shit….too much (as in being overprotective….)over everything really, it annoys the hell outta the girl.
I play it by ear, and I as much as I try to keep things fresh and interesting, you can’t help but go back to that comfort zone of being yourself! Coz as we all know, if you’ve been with each other long enough, you can really be yourself. But as we all know, do it too much and you’d risk being in that “We need to talk” zone.
Simple thing I (we) do is this….Have a day every week or 2 weeks to do something together. Do something different and everyone else doesn’t matter but the two of you. It could be anything but be creative….I know a dinner and a movie is the simplest of all things. Planning a weekend isn’t exactly new as well but hey, if you don’t do it often, that works!!! doing housework together however, does not count….
I guess it depends on where you are as well. Geographically I’m not in Malaysia so doing something interesting isn’t hard. But I think the key thing is doing something together….Willingly!!
Even the smallest things can be the greatest joy~
One thing my girl and I do that we enjoy is head out to a comic store in the city and pick out something both of us can read and enjoy. It’s nothing special, but for us it’s something….
How interesting that you should write about this issue. My bf and I are currently in a long distance relationship, he’s in Italy, I’m here in Malaysia. We love each other so very deeply, and we plan to spend the rest of our lives together. He hasnt actually proposed, but I think its just a matter of time. Hehe. Yes, I’m THAT confident.
In one of our many conversations on the phone, we did bring up this topic. Now that we’re still relatively new together, all is well, there arent SPARKS but there’s a raging fire 😛 We both agree that we should always, ALWAYS keep up with our efforts to show how much we love each other.
Yes, in time, we will both age. I will probably get fatter after having kids, my boobs will (hopefully not!) sag, he will probably be balding. But we told each other never to let things slide where it reaches a point where the spark just isnt present anymore.
But yes, as you said, it is pivotal that BOTH PARTIES (Keyword: BOTH) make the effort to keep the spark alive. In my previous 7 year relationship, it was only me who took the effort. I wrote love poems from time to time, wrote little love notes and put them in in his shirt pocket, or in his wallet so he would find them later on during the day, stick on Post It notes on his steering wheel so he would find it first thing in the morning. And I always suggested little getaways. Holidays. But I guess, he got a little too comfortable, and didnt reciprocate. Dismal isnt it. For those reasons, and many others, we broke up.
So now, with the absolute love of my life, we have pledged to always make things “spicy” between us. We havent tried it yet, but on the list would be:
#1 Quickies (you guys can hate my bf now, hehe), #2 Holidays (just a timeout at a nice hotel would do),
#3 Us time (spending some quality time, just me and him, talking about our greatest wishes, desires, and the like). We both agree that this one is vital, and would really help a relationship.
#4 Always, ALWAYS having an element of surprise and mystery in a relationship. I have already thought of cosplay, dressing up as a French maid or a nurse for him, to surprise him when he comes home from work.
#5 Making kisses and hugs part and parcel of daily life. EVERYDAY, without fail.
As of now, since he’s so far away, I like surprising him with little things too, I send him handmade cards that take forever to make, but is SO very filled with love. I also send him video clips of me, telling him how much I love him, and I send him pictures of me, normal and err…not so normal ones 😉
He too surprises me with sweet gestures, calling me from different countries he’s at (he travels A LOT) at different times of the day, sweet SMS-es I could turn diabetic. And the most recent one: He surprised me with lingerie from Victoria’s Secret!!! My jaw dropped when I saw what was in my mailbox. (ok, now you girls can hate me. Hehe)
In a nutshell, I would say that if you really really love your spouse, you would definitely go to the ends of the earth to always keep the spark alive, no matter how small or how huge the gesture may be. And yes, it is crucial that BOTH parties make an effort.
i’ve been in a serious relationship for more than 5 years now. since secondary school. lol. at that time it was OK and stuff coz we live in the same town and can meet each other quite often. but then, we’re seperated as we continue our tertiary studies.
it’s hard at first. and it became f**g harder as time goes by. we argued a lot regarding this. this spark that everyone’s talking about. the truth is, we got BORED. at first, i didn’t realize it. for me, love is everything. period.
finally, after a big arguement, and near-breakup accident, i realized that without effort, u can’t go anywhere further. i started sending her home made cards whenever im free. i bought her something anytime i go somewhere (holiday etc.) i also try my best to go visit her during weekends or when i’m on semester break.
she does her part well too. keep giving me surprises. yes, surprise is the key word here. everybody loves surprises. like one time, for no reason she posted a soft toy to my house without any message / name on it. haha.
before this, what i did was call her at least everynight, telling her that i love her and stuff. and everyday here isn’t an exaggeration. but u know, it’s just not enough. u cant say that giving stuff is materialistic because.. it’s a way to SHOW that you love someone. anyone can say i love u to his/her partner everyday but by actually DOING something, it put more meaning into it. and u just can’t stop doing it.
love is like planting flowers. u can’t expect it to live by itself. u have to water it, fertilize it, cut the grass around it, check for insects and stuff. if you didn’t, well, maybe it will live. but it will wilt forever.
all i can say is, in every relationship, we ought to quarrel because we want to correct the wrong…we want to understand each other better and we want to make things right… so couples shouldn’t be sick and tired of each other just because we fight and everything… the key to keep the spark is be forgiving… I’ve been with my bf for 5 years..and after being unseparated with him, I now have to live abroad for studies..and this is even harder as we spent most of our time with each other… I believe that we quarrel even more than any other couples did…but we always forgive each other and try to improve ourselves to be a better person for our other half…whenever we make up, we will realize out mistakes and we will apologize for being ignorant…then that is when all the sparks come back…actually, like what other contestants say…sparks cannot be the main criteria to maintain a relationship…it is the mutual understanding that we still love each other..of course, we must not assume that our partner knows about it but we must always reassure our partners about how much we love and care for them…and if we ever feel that either party is drifting apart, we make effort to talk things out so we know why our parter acted that way so we can solve it..avoiding problems will make couples drift apart..
of course, never forget special ocassions where we spend quality time together and show our appreciation to our partners… give cards and write some appreciative stuff, not just to impress your partner, but say sumthing from the bottom of your heart..
Be patient with your partner because sometimes, patience is the key to successful relationship…
As for long distance relationship, communication is the main criteria to maintain the relationship because by communicating, it is as if you’re both very near to each other…it is like the saying ‘so close yet so far’ because altho geographically we’re far but our heart are near to each other…
nevertheless, believe in each other that we can make it, we will prove to the world that we will never fail to love each other…that will keep the relationship alive and a wonderful one…
Em…actually the ‘sparks’ as you mention in this entry is important in a relationship, i would say it plays significant role.
Friend of mine had been complaining that he started to get bored with the relationship lately. As a typical guy,i know what is is about.Everyday having to sms her,call her,say that nice 3 words, bring her out, listen to her rant, etc…
Hey c’mon, we are human, not machine. Sometimes the topic just get too dull n dry,it’s all in a day’s routine i would say.You can predict everything she will say in the next moment and com up with the same old reply.
This is killing the relationship as you start to wonder why the hell i’m with this girl?
When our relationship has come to this point. The bright and special ‘spark’ counts.Stop the normal stuff you would do in a day and think of something special.
I totally agree that both should try out something new no matter it’s a hobby or hanging out to a new place.It gives both a chance to realise that, hey, i don’t know this about you. Things just seems to be different cause you are both attempting something new.
Guys, don’t just sit there and wish that your girl will please you nicely eveyday, some effort is needed!Even my dad still throw surprise party for my mom on her birthday,cool right?
there are 116 comment here already. i’ve been reading for too long. Might as well try my luck.
Last time, we use to drive to the seaside and sat there watching the sunset. quietly enjoying, without talking. i would just lay on his tummy and watch the sun set and when it finally get darks, he gave me a kiss on the forehead and hold my hand say gently “come on, time to go home”
THis is so retro. But I am a European woman! O my god! My husband and I do everything together. He is very kind to me and puts me in first position. He does lots of household work and has a very god job (that is why we go to KL everyyear for wintervacation). We are very equal. You would not last ten seconds with a beautiful European woman, she would not ever put up with this macho-crap. She would walk all over you!! LOL ; )
We can try 1001 ways to analyze how and why the other half has changed. While looking at the relationship plunging downhill.
The fact is … PEOPLE change. Regardless of how hard we can try to avoid the harsh reality of it. No point trying to figure out why, because the person that changed might not even have the answers.
Hence, enjoy the time when the passion is still burning, treat your loves one to your best ability and you won’t have to look back thinking what went wrong. Worse, knowing but unable to do any freaking thing about it.
why all the perfume?
Love Is Eaaaasy With Directions
1) Never expect your partner to be Mr/Miss Person-of-My-Dreams…
…and you’ll find that his/her less-than-perfect ways become endearing quirks.
2) Shatter the other’s illusion of you in the initial stage.
Attraction does funny things. It makes you imagine great things about each other that might not be true.
When attraction wears off, you start hitting yourself while exclaiming “What was I thinking?!”
Show each other your worse side while still dating…
…and if the other person sticks around, you know that s/he will stay by your side through PMS or mid-life crisis.
3) Tell your partner, when least expected, how sexy you find his/her (insert body part here) followed by an action.
Sexy Formula = adjective + noun + action
Eg. “Oooh, your wavy (adjective) hair (noun) turns me on” then run your fingers through the abovementioned body part (action).
4) Stare at each other for 15 minutes each day
Stop SMSing your friends. Stop watching TV. Stop reading Kenny Sia’s blog.
Just for 15 minutes each day, stare into each other’s eyes and you’ll be reminded why you committed yourself to this wo/man.
5) Be like children together
Giggle. Make animal sounds. Play games.
Don’t take life together too seriously or you’ll stress the love out of it.
Lastly, don’t fret. After all, LOVE is Eaaaasy with Directions.
hi..
things i have done:
1) go for grocery shopping with a budget and cook up a creative meal for two.
2) bring camera and take silly photos at the zoo
3) bought a bouquet of flower on valentine’s day and walk into her lecture theater to surprise her.
4) buy her little things now and then to surprise her, “nvr take her for granted” quote nicole.
5) organise a couch potato day, just slack and movie marathon.
thanks
perhaps a real heart to heart talk from time to time that we usually do keeps us alive in a long term relationship. it helps us to remember the vey reason why we started on this relationship even when our friends objected us.
no matter how busy our schedules would be now that he’s working and i’m studying, we will have a date at least once a month…it would normally be during our monthly anniversary where roses, movies, dinners and rides/strolls around town will be included so that we could spend quality time together. during that, handphones are to be off so that there would be no distruptions.
calls or msges just to say hi or to tuck me to sleep from him come in handy from time to time because it kinda tells me that i am not forgotten no matter how busy he is. me on the other hand made saturday night dinner(usually pasar mlm meal) a must for the two of us coz it’s a time where we can eat and take a walk together.
Hi Kenny =)
It’s true, effort is the keyword in maintaining a relationship, especially one which has been going on for years. It is inevitable for sparks to fade, for couples to take each other for granted, for relationship to turn mundane and routine.
Somewhere along the way, we forgotten our ‘thank yous’, ‘i appreciate it’ and most importantly the ‘i love yous’. As much as actions speak louder than words, these words play a significant role in a relationship too. It’s such mutual appreciation that keeps both parties feel loved.
Likewise, as time passes, we tend to forego hugs and kisses, or even holding each others’ hands. Such lil’ gestures do keep a relationship going because they exude love in a different manner, making both parties feel needed and wanted by each other.
Sometimes less is more and the lil’ things in life can just be better than the finer things in life.
And my mantra towards relationship?
I know I can’t give my man everything in this world. But, I’ll put in my all to give him the best of everything I have.
I can’t agree more.
But something I mustn’t deny is.
Kenny sia, you’re super HAIRY!
Treat every moment you have with each other as if it was your last, you’ll be reminded of how lucky you are to have him/her in your life to fill in that empty space in your heart.
Also, a little spontaneity every now and then will definitely add some pleasure to your relationship with one another.
LOL things we’ve done to keep things alive?
– do stupid stuffs when we got really bored.
– swear and laugh at each other.
– have special outings once in a while and dress up real good which we normally dont.
– have our own working time: i guess everyone needs it so badly to have their own working and hang out time.
– we love to bring our furkid out for waterfalls and stuffs (a low budget trip! – it can be fun too! :D)
– a very sweet wake up or gnight call everyday 🙂
– cook instant noodles for dinner! (it’s not a must to have luxurious dinner every night, instant noodle taste better sometimes :P)
– watch football with him, while he’ll go Karaoke/Club with me 😛
– movie marathon! 😀
– have different opinions, argue about it, and make up 🙂 *i basically think arguments are great stuffs to spark things alive, it somehow brings improvement in a relationship if it’s an appropriate argument, not a very sarcastic one. it’ll make u appreciate ur partner more 🙂 *
– flirt. it sometimes makes u go ‘yadayada’ but in the end u might found out that u’ll go back to ur partner and love him/her more than u ever do and appreciate them 🙂
and i believe like what people had mention above, tolerance, trust, love, and all will be the more important stuffs to keep everything long going.
Hi Kenny. I have been married for more than 25 years to the same man. I have known my hubby for another more than 4 years before that. When we married, we were working and studying at the same time. Talk about stress!
Well, while things were not easy at first, we can now honestly say each year has been better than the one previously. In fact, right now as I type this, he’s grabbed my foot (cos we are in bed!) and told me he loves me as he stroked my toes. (Of course I replied sincerely that I loved him too. I said “DITTO!”)Hey, I want to grow white-haired and wrinkled together with this witty, sexy, steady, loving man!
There is no secret formula. Tons of books written on this. We are simple folk. Instead of thinking of our needs and wants, we try to remember this “If you want to be the king of your home, make your wife the queen. If you want to be the queen of your home, make your husband the king”.
I dont know or what to comment but i want to say I found your long loss brother Kenny,
http://www.friendster.com/photos/53011725/1/180493533
I know this guy when I went for a youth session. He was really naughty and really talkative and to keep him shut the youth leader had to make him sit with the girls. He is the same guy the preacher in church called him by name to keep him still when he was 16. He once sat with me and made stupid lame jokes during Physics tuition with Uncle Phang. He knocked my head with his empty bottle after BM tuition at PBK. He held hands with his girlfriend in tuition and in the library during SPM. He was really heartbroken after a failed 3 months long distance relationship with his first girlfriend and failed his driving test! He and I shared a Chemistry tuition teacher for STPM. He would call and talked for hours over the phone. And I was his best friend, and his rebound.
Of course I am heartbroken. We spent a year hating each other’s guts, when a trip to the beach changed everything.
I can never forget he came to my aid when I was lonely and sick 3 weeks before STPM. We see each other everyday after that. I was there in the hospital with him taking care of his grandmother for almost a month everyday. He would pick me up from school after teaching periods and we would go for lunch. He even helped me mark my students’ books! 4 months after we got together he had to leave for Tassie; he kissed my forehead in front of his parents and friends at the airport! And that was 3 years ago.
While he was gone I still visit his granny about once a week till she passed away. His best friend and I took care of things at the house during the funeral. Things were rough in long distance relationship, I admit, especially when I had to further my studies in KL. I can never forget the 1st year of his uni we counted the days he was suppose to come back, but he and my elder sister tricked me and gave me a lovely surprise by coming back 4 days earlier. I was left speechless. He was speechless too when I came back earlier for his birthday.
Whenever he comes back he would make it a point to spend time with me in KL. He would cook for me. While back in Kuching he would buy Indian rojak early in the morning for my mum and I. He would wake me up by coming to my house early in the morning though he loves sleeping. He would bring me around to try the best laksa! He came for Christmas Eve dinner though he was having high fever.
How did we maintain a long term relationship? It may not be as long as others, but I’m sure we’ve been through what long distance relationship couples go through. We broke up countless of times, but fail to ‘really break up’. I was so scared I will regret losing him; I guess he felt the same way, too. We keep each other updated with happenings. He made sure I know his friends and he knows my friends. Heck, my friends actually talked him into their plans. We encourage each other, and these days we prayed for each other over the phone. We would always talk about future plans, how he would bring me to Aussie and partly support me for my studies while he works. There was one occasion when he recorded a video of his singing happy birthday song for me. I was so happy that I cried like a fool in college.
I guess we kept the spark and passion by appreciation. Even though we spent very, very little time physically together we kept reminding ourselves to focus for the better future. He is a wonderful gift, and no way am I going to let go of him anymore. To Jason, with love.
@Lynn. super HAIRY.can create ‘spark’ for some woman.right?
Ok, Kenny. First of all, i must be honest. I dont have a bf and i’m not good at lying either so i can’t make up a mushy story for u. Besides, honesty is the best policy. 🙂
However, i DO have a few ideas on how to keep that ‘sparks’ going in relationships. they are based on my observation on other’s relationship. Others includes my parents.
Be understanding. Though sometimes it is hard to be so, but at least try to be understanding. I’ve seen and heard bout lots of couples who break up cos of misunderstanding and they dont even bother to relax and listen to each other for a while. i know that sometimes, a lil bit of quarrel btw couples wouldnt hurt but sometimes, it could lead to break-up btw couple.
Life after marriage as some say.. changes from great to horrible. Married couples should really set aside some time for each other. Time. It’s everything that every couples/married couples need. I’m sure u’ve read and heard about celebrities who broke up wt their bfs/gfs or divorced their wife/husbands etc. Why so? Not only cos of money issues, scandals.. BUT it’s also bcos they dont have time to listen, to care, to reach out to each other bla blah blah. How could there be the ‘spark’ btw both person if they dont have time for each other..
For those who are married, they should celebrate their anniversary. A suprise party or gathering on that day would be wonderful. It would make them both very very happy. 😀
It’s important that couples show their appreciation/care towards each other. Married couples, thru celebration during their anniversary. Those who are not married yet, they can show how much they care for their gf/bf by giving them a suprise bday party ( i know u’ve done that, kenny, and that girl is indeed truly very lucky and blessed to have u as her guy. I know that and she knows that, i m sure of it. hehe.),
OR just a throw a little party for him/her not cos it’s one’s bday but cos they realy care for each other.
sms/IM/email or even old-fashioned letters each other to ask how she/he is doing ( but not sms each and every min of the day tho. i know from a friend that if a person say ‘ i love you’ or ‘i miss you’ every min of the day, those words wont mean much anymore. I know, It sounds crazy that i’m saying that but after thinking about it for some time now, i agree with what my friend told me.)
so let me put it this way, ‘sparks’ grow from love.. The longer couples are together, the longer they learn how to tolerate each other’s flaws, the spark will stay there. No matter how tough things get btw them.
Alright, I’ve run out of ideas already.. So.. 🙂 this is all.
great post kenny! I couldnt agree more with what u say.
the best way to produce spark is ‘friction’ and to keep it alive is to progress from friction to occasional ‘fights’. for the rest of my comments refer to pinkpau’s “love and war and peace and love again.” you did not say no plagiarism? 🙂
any other thing to blog??? it starts to get boring……
I am not in Malaysia so I won’t be entering the contest.
Anyway, I have been married now for 5 years now and so far so good. Sometimes my wife does ask the question “what happened to the man I married?” and make comments like “the 6 pack abs now turned into one round belly”. I avoid making any retaliatory remarks as past experience had shown that it always goes against me. 😉
I guess love lasts when it was never based on physical characteristics alone and that you maintain communication channels throughout.
we tried making babies on the beach. LOL.
and saying I Love You everyday doesnt really work out.
reason being repetitiveness bores.
These are the bits and pieces of my old blog. I was going through a crestfallen period and poured all emotions to it.
Before we understand long-term relationship, we must first understand what we’re loving and the whole meaning to it. Love is not about pretending. Love is not fake or deceptive. It is not flattering. It is genuine sincerity. Love is a powerful tool. When we lack all forms of trust, sincerity and honesty, relationship does not spell genuine. Acts the same when two individuals are miles away.
Sincerity speaks for itself. Love is not found simply from infatuation or lust; it comes with the chemistry between two people.
In my personal viewpoint, love is no longer a word used to express the depth of liking towards someone but a word expressed when you know he is someone who feels you in there. A feeling so immense when uttered you feel a rush in the body, mind and soul. I have not so far, in fact, uttered those words without meaning them, or even misused them in any form. And that is the one thing I’m glad I did.
Relationships can be bitter along the way and a BIG surprise the next but what does it hold for us, inside all the worship of a companion? what do you get from loving and nothing aside from loving? Be it long distance or not, know your partners beyond the word “I Love Youâ€
When you argue:
You just hope that BOTH can talk because it doesn’t really matter who is smarter, more perfect than the other, OR has got distorted face or still a childish kid…the point to it is understanding why BOTH got together as ONE, and how the values seen in each other suppress all the resentful remarks.
The things you should NEVER do:
Name the person you love NAMES.
Hurl abusive words
It can be painful enough to have a row with the person you would just want to cuddle to sleep with, so, why make it worse for both parties if BOTH can open up for serious commitment and discussion? This could be worse for long distance cause you can never drive up to her/his place to sort things out, mind you; it’s really over the ocean.
In my personal opinion: One can always get nasty during an engagement in rows but never have hurtful words hurled and be filled with remorse in the latter part.We can always see pass every row if only we make it a point to see pass the inequality in BOTH and replace them with distinct qualities for both. If we LOVE that someone, why bring about the subject we’re not meant to be? NO one is made identical be it the face or character, similar structures occur which doesn’t account to 100% fit. If you love or like the person and made that choice to go for them or even have it start somewhere, then you know there’s a possibility in going far and it takes patience, tolerance, minimal anger, trust and commitment, to reach a greater height. I am no expert in this but experience would have taught me a bundle.
Trapped in the past I just can’t seem to move on. This line from Way Back Into Love says more than just that. A past that can be haunting, one that is hurtful, longed to be forgotten and to be discard. Find your back into love knowing that THAT love will be treasured from that moment, in the future and for life. This is utmost important to me where the past should never be brought up, it can hurt both your relationship and you. To step into one relationship and to have it long-term is about committing to a new person, a whole new life, so why dwell in a hurtful past, unless you’re still not over it and the present one is a rebound.
Experience taught me a degree of building a better person in me, learning to see passed heartaches. I did have a long distance relationship once, which failed, and I know it wasn’t anyone’s fault. It takes two to tango and so I believed we didn’t make it well. Years ago I would have blamed the self-doubt in me and the lack of commitment in him. But now, I realized I wasn’t all that good of a girlfriend to have kept the flame/passion burning.
Don’t be a 5 year old and be ignorant to all rows, it does help you in ways to bond at times but remember not to keep it in the heart.
The road is a long journey ahead of me (and all of us), I know some day the right someone would be the ideal man of my life, to have and to share every part of him with me, as do I. Knowing what we’ve built on, pillars of strength, trust and commitment. Standing by in times of need or in any time we need, vows entwined and life long dedication.
Most suggestions brings individual partners into short-term enjoyable loops. But alas, that’s not what a relationship is all about.
Superficials.
It’s all about the right attitude with the right mindset.
your posts on boy-girl relationship are boring. people nowadays are so pathetic that they wanna get free gifts by telling shit. PATHETIC!!! and you’re boring. BORING!!! ALL POSTS ON BOY-GIRL RELATIONSHIP ARE SO FREAKING BORING AND IT DOES NOT CONVINCE ME! BORING!!!
Mourn at a terrible backache and ask for a good massage. After a good massage, he deserves one too.
Give him a good massage and tell him massage in Bali is better.
Then, go go Bali!!
*make sure nobody knows you in Bali.* 🙂
I would say the best tip would be to make time daily at the end of the day to communicate with each other over the happenings of the day and the most important thing is to listen to each other attentively and be affectionate always. Hugs and kisses everyday will enhance and keep the spark alive in a couple’s relationship. I should know!
Can’t really comment much about this as I never maintained a relationship b4. But I personally do think that nothing in this world is free. Nothing will come by itself… We have to work or at least do something to get wat we want…
Same goes for your blog, I never really think that you are lucky to have so many readers coming to your blog everyday, or lucky to get free trip to Macau or watever appeared in ur blog that ppl think that you are lucky to have them.
To me, I think you really work hard to earn it. Maybe not work hard, but you really have to put in the effort b4 you have all this things coming your way.
So same would goes to relationship. Expecting returns with no efforts put in? Not possible at all.
Like I said.. nothing in this world is free
To me, to keep a relationship alive it always starts with honesty and it goes along well with honesty. We started by telling each other how much we love one another, and we keep the relationship by telling each other what we feels of the relationship. Honesty comes along with sincerity and love. Have fun keeping a relationship alive!
for me, i think it’s important to know where the relationship is heading. if both are sure that it’s suppose to b a serious long term wan, then both shud make effort to keep it strong.
they can make effort to repeat their 1st date.
they can make suprises for each other.
for example,
*man can pull together a candle light dinner at his place even tat means he buys takeout for the meal.
*they can hide small pressie in places tat their partner will find it and b suprised.
they can cuddle and talk about wat they wan for the future.
cooking a meal together
but for me, sparks are for the beginning of a relationship and when it gets more serious and mature, the trust and security tat grew and the heading of the relationship, looking forward for something beyond dinner n movie dates are more important.but still for proper date, must make effort to look nice la
Most people rely of their partners to keep the dazzle in their relationship and vice versa. So how?
Obviously, they become damn lazy until they don’t care and instead of blaming it on themselves, they blame it on their partners.
How come he/she didn’t message me?
ITS YOUR OWN FAULT YOU MORON. Why should you expect other people to do something for you first?
My colleague has been married for 31 years. Just yesterday I asked him how does he do it? Being married for 31 years….
He replied simply: patience. Lots of it. He said My wife gives up a little, I give up a little- to make the relationship work.
It’s quite inspiring, to think of it.
i belif despite of all those u have mentioned we really shouldn’t take the r’ship for granted in anyway and do place too high expectation on each other.On top of tat,assumption of small patty things most of the time tend to kill off the ‘spark’.
Love is patience, Love is Kind..
I always believe that by going back to the first love i.e. how you fall in love on the first day with him is the greatest way to keep the sparks alive in a long-term relationship.
Firstly, I’m not gonna be writing a full-fledged essay in an attempt to win the new Hugo Boss fragrance. Am planning though, to check out the scent the next time I pass by the Hugo counter.
Secondly, this topic is *very* close to my heart. So, here’s my 2 cents worth.
Point #1:
It takes 2 to tango. ‘Nuff said. 🙂
Point #2:
You hit the nail on the head with your point “Giving each other space”. It’s easier said than done though, but not impossible and TOTALLY necessary to keep the spark alive.
Point #3:
NOTHING in this world is “Understood”. We don’t “understand the need to eat everyday”, thus neglecting to feed ourselves, right? Same goes to telling and/or showing our appreciation to our other half.
Point #4:
Surprise each other occasionally. Doesn’t have to be a “OMG! Is that a 20-carat diamond ring in my soup?!??”…but can be an impulsive peck or even deep kiss when it’s least expected. Of coz both parties must be open to surprises or the surpriser may get one tight slap for the initiative! 😉
Here’s to hoping that we all continue to keep the spark burning in all our relationships – romantic or platonic.
~E~
Keepin The Spark, SPARKLING!
These days, it seems that ‘Loving’ someone is pretty easy. Which is true. I have friends who’ve gone out for dates once, twice and next thing you know it, THEY’RE AN ITEM!
I think the hardest is ‘to be loved’ by someone. Today’s world has thought us never to simply trust people, hence we’re careful who we give our hearts to. To be loved could be one of the most beautiful things one may experience in life. A person can find his own ways on how he can express love to another person. It is overwhelming to be loved by another person especially when that person makes him/her very special in their life.
The problem is, how do you maintain that same spark sparkling? I guess because we fail to go back to basics. The simplest way is always the best, instead of having to buy a 1001 stocks of roses for valentines (it’s ok if you’re rich).
A person can express love in many ways. When a person puts his arms around the shoulder of his loved one, he shows affection for the person. There are also times that lovers look at each other and at that instant, they can feel that they love each other even without saying, ‘I love you’.
The experience of being cared explains that the person is loved. Knowing that the person is so important to him/her, and he/she needs him/her to survive. Love may be expressed through words and through action. Although many say that action actions speak louder than voice, where a person mostly expresses his love to a person is by letting the person feel the affection that is given to him.
Others may see it as very important ingredient for the existence of life. Many may see and feel loved in small ways. A person who loves a girl may call on the phone many even without something important to say. He just wants to hear the voice of his girl and misses his loved one already. There are acts of love that can show affection through physical contact like when a person hugs him because he wants to feel protected and cared.
Sometimes a short hug may not be enough for other people. They may not want to let go because they feel so great in hugging add to it the eye contact that explains everything. There is that mutual understanding that those two persons love each other and cannot get enough of each other. He knows that he is so special to that person because he is always there for the person no matter what the problem is.
It can even be embarrassing at times when the person cannot help himself but kiss the person that he loves in front of many people. A kiss can be a more sensual display of love and affection. There is intimacy especially when the kiss is initiated in the lips. Most people that are totally in love to someone show their love to the person by the act of kissing.
A person can determine if he is truly loved by his loved one is when there is intimate display of affection and care. There are also those appreciative partners that always find time even when the partner is busy at work to see the one he loves. The show of interest to whatever he says and listens to the advices that his partner says could mean that he is important to him. These are only few ways where a person can show and feel love to a person.
Many people wishes that the love they are experiencing would last forever but there could be times that the love can fade and can get colder. So here are some tips on how to keep the spark sparkling and make that feeling, perhaps, last a lifetime:
1. QUALITY ‘WE’ TIME – Important for both lovers to cherish some special moments together. Remember those happy moments where he gave him a special token symbolizing their love to one another.
2. MAKE TIME – If the love was affected by the busy work and schedule, make time to meet her at least once a week. Make a schedule to date her on an exclusive restaurant. This will put some excitement every time the end of the week is nearing.
3. WRITING SHOWS SINCERITY – A person can make a love letter and start all over again the way he has courted the girl to win his heart. Make every moment together like the first meeting. Nothing can be sweeter than the first time a person hugs and kisses his loved one.
4. KEEPING A PROMISE – Promise one another that the love shared will be forever cherished. Think about the things that were very special. Be thoughtful and show the care that once was lost.
Love is the best feeling that a man can ever experienced. Make every second spent with the loved one special. Take the opportunity to love and be loved. It is a gift that should be cherished and last forever.
Keeping sparks alive in a relationship doesn’t need much head cracking or planning.. In my opinion, it’s the small small things that keeps the relationship alive and “sparkly”
Of course, the first few months or year will be full of love and overflowing sweetness. As one gets more attached, comfortable and used to the other, it’s not just i lap you so much anymore, but more to being the one by your side through thick and thin.
What have me and my partner done to keep the sparks alive?
As i’ve said, the small small things do make a HUGE difference. Good morning messages even if it’s just a short one like “good morning dear.. hope you’ll have a great day ahead..i love you”
is enough to let your partner know that you think of him/her as soon as you wake up and even we’re not beside each other now, doesn’t mean i don’t think of you.
Songs esp love songs can make any girl and even guys melt. Esp to guys who are head strong on keeping their “macho-ego-filled” pride on, sometimes showing your loved one how much you miss them, love them and long to be with them can be a problem. Sometimes, words are not enough to show them or express how the heart feels. Send them a song or call them and let them listen to it on the phone or play it in the car after a normal date. Add that “this is for you.. i mean it” before letting them listen to the song. It is a small gesture that can touch the heart.
Another way is to be young again. Just like how you were when you were teenagers in love. Send a message like “i love you” or “i miss you” randomly at any time of the day. Put stick-on-notes in his/her wallet/car saying “someone loves you” or when he/she is bathing, type a short document in his/her laptop and save it. Hours later or even the next day, just tell him/her that you left a surprise in his/her laptop/wallet, etc.. This small small notes may seem childish but give it a try. No harm done.
When your partner is busy with an assignment,exams,work etc.. Come over to his/her place just to be with him/her. You don’t have to do things together or such. Just bring a book to read,do your work or laze around. Just being around brings back the assurance and even if one does not do anything. Your presence can make your partner feel glad to have you.
Finally, own time and space is important but not too much. Allow your partner his own man time and her own girl time. The phrase “absence makes the heart go fonder” is quite true. Being in a relationship doesn’t mean you must like watever your partner likes. Let him/her do her activites that she loves and you do your own. Things you do together are different and special in their own way. Being in a relationship is loving one another,being with each other,supporting each other..not “becoming” one another.
All i can say is everyone has their own little way of showing that special person you are still in love and care for them. Be spontaneous and show your feelings.Tell them that you love them and miss them etc. Just because being together for so long means not telling or showing cos “he/she knows wat” beacuse even if he/she knows, showing and telling gives just that extra sparkle in a relationship.
Don’t have kids.
Well let me start off by saying that i have been married for 30 years.Everyday is a challenge but if one puts his/her mind to it,anything is possible:including a happy,blissful marriage.
There are many ways in which i try to keep the spark alive in my marriage.A surefire way to get into a man’s heart is through his stomach.After a long,hard day of work,nothing pleases him more than to return home to a delicious home cooked meal.I find that a spicy curry does the trick and manages to bring the spice back into life.
With the sudden surge of technology and new-age machines,I have finally used this to my advantage.My handphone is now inseparable to me and i use it to send many sweet messages to my husband.Something simple like a “I love u” is bound to put a smile on anyone’s face.We tease each other through the handphone and it’s almost as if we have no inhibitions.We can say whatever we feel and this is essential in a marriage.
Basically,you don’t have to go too much out of the way to maintain a loving married life.Even a simple back rub or a massage will do the trick.All you need is a little tender,love,and care.
“WE don’t need no sex for a reward. We just want a little love and attention. ”
You obviously havent had a DAMN good orgasm!…SEX IS between BOTH parties!…unless you’re submissive…………hm?
i think it’s really true that there will reach a point in time when both will feel so tired of seeing each other. thus it’s really important to have the “sparks” thing. maybe some will disagree because they want to have new relationships every once in a while. some might not think that way and just hope to have a stable and long lasting relationship.
i agree. when you really have the urge, say it. say I LOVE YOU to your partner whenever you feel like it. no, guys, it’s not sissy at all, in fact, it can melt gals just as good as sending flowers.
and relationship is a two-way thing. so gals, say you love your man when you feel so, no matter where you are. don’t give me bullcrap that ‘i love you’ is meant to be heard by gals and said by guys only. that is utter shit to me. gals are humans, guys are too, so why do guys have to succumb into pleasing this particular longing?! YOU, as a gal, have the responsibility of making sure your man feels he’s loved and well taken care of too. 🙂
He is my first, my last, my everything.
This is what I always tell myself for the past 4 years. He is my first love, the first person whom I gave my first kiss to. Maintaining a long term relationship ain’t easy. Especially when both of us are from different culture background. We have our sweet times, but we can never run from arguments. The little things we do for each other mean a lot to both of us. He cooks for me once in a while, spaghetti, mooncake and owh.. which include simple food like maggie mee and half cook egg. He is good at cooking, I admit, better than me. He never complain about doing those things for me, even after 4 years of relationship, he still feeds me in public, despite having people around staring at us. When it comes to seafood, he always helps me with the crabs (yes, I’m kinda spoilt, I love eating crabs but I hate it when my hands get dirty). We wrestle with each other, not the pillow fight kind of wrestle, but with all the “sharpshooter†kinda of movement. Some people find it rough, but for us, it’s our “fun” time, the time where we laugh at each other after being tired to stand on our feet. Both of us make a rule, to greet each other “good morning and good night†everyday, even when we are in a fight. And it becomes a habit. We cycle around the neighborhood every weekend, we buy ice-cream and share it with each other, we make fun of each other, and laugh about it all the time.I help him to wash his car whenever it gets dirty, and trying to wet each other with the water spray. We held hands wherever we go. People stare, we don’t care. The word “I Love You” is always there. People say that the one thing that can keep the relationship strong is sex. I deny that. We never have any sexual intercourse before (yes, it’s about the religion, I don’t believe in sex before marriage). People would always assume that it is because of sex, that is why we can stay sweet and strong till today. No, it is not about that. I don’t have to worry about the man I love, love me because of the size of my breasts, the pleasure that I can give him when he need it, I don’t have to be sexy in front of him, just to make him love me even more. He understands me, he respects me, and how many guys can actually wait for 4 years, not having any sexual intercourse with their girlfriends? (at this point, I’m sure Kenny would say only this silly guy would wait that long, maybe he is a gay?) No, don’t worry, he is not a gay, and I’m 100 percent sure he is normal. Haha… This guy, he makes my every dream come true. He stays awake with me when I have to study for exams, he always hugs me after every arguments, he makes sure that I won’t drop any tears for him. He is the reason why I do not have to put on thick make ups, he boosts up my confidence, showing me that beauty lies within. He is my first, my last, my everything.
Someone once told me that innocent flirting is like a catalyst to get the spark going in a relationship. I truly believe so.
Look around us. These days even married men and women flirt occasionally with the opposite gender. Just because they flirt it doesn’t
necessarily mean their personal relationship is on the rocks. In fact, the occasional flirting helps make one feel sexy about themselves,
helps improve their inner self esteem and self worth and helps them to be more expressive towards their partner. Flirting in your partner’s presence may even let him/her see you in a different light, and we all know that when something new is brought to a relationship, it’s
exciting and the experience add to the journey of discovering one another.
I’ve seen most friends of mine who does the occasional flirt with other men/women. The surprising thing is most of them maintained a
healthy, balanced, and most of all, fun relationship with their partner. But of course, flirting would only work if there’s 100% trust bonded into the relationship. In my opinion, when men flirts or vice versa, they exudes this charm that makes them ever so sexy, and this leads to enhanced attraction from their partner. Some may even feel a little jealous, which I think is a good sign. Jealousy helps one hold on tighter to their loved one. It also makes the other feel wanted and needed. It strengthen the bond between both, and all this stems from a simple innocent flirt.
Also, if it’s the initial flirt that ignites the spark in a new relationship. surely it’s able to maintain that very same spark for the longest time to come…
i think i am the last person for this, so here’s what i had.
i met my man in a very “interesting place” and in a very “interesting way”. we were clubbing in one of the local pubs and i got very drunk that night and kissed him…. but let’s just don’t go to that side…
what we do to keep our relationship alive? here’s what:
1. kisses: peck, tongue, romantic, seductive, morning kiss, good night kiss, good bye kiss, hello kiss….. etc. (you know what i mean)
2. food: both of us love food so during weekend i’ll cook breakfast and bring to the room and wake him up and had breakfast in bed. we’ll make dinner together sometimes. one thing we always do is that he’ll take a spoonfull of what he has and put it in my mouth and me doing the same thing back. we do that all the time even we are eating out.
3. spend some quality time together and alone. sometimes he’ll go out with his friends and me shopping with my friends. but we make an effort to know each others friends.
4. we talk about anything and everything. in the car, on the bed, during commercial break on tv, dinner, lunch, breakfast. (future, past, what boss said that’s stupid, what customer did which is stupid…)
5. we’ll call each other to say good night when we are not together.
6. end our phone conversation with a “love you”
How to keep the sparks alive in a long-term relationship?
As the relationship ages, the sparks and even ‘the friction’ will gradually die off if both parties just let things be. “Let it be” may be words of wisdom but it is certainly not so in a boy-girl relationship.
A story that may sound pretty familiar to all is the “boy meets girl”.
Boy meets girl. A spark went on. Boy dates girl and tries to give the best out of everything for her. This is when phone calls never seems to be too hard or too frequent to make; when being as gentleman as possible never seems to be in need reminder(s); this is when special dates(eg.annivesary) never seems so hard to remember.
As the story continues, there comes a point when we no longer feel the need to give the special treat to each other anymore. And to quote from Kenny, “Girls stop wearing make-up and contact lenses. Out goes the pretty little pink dress and in comes the baggy tracksuit pants.”
As both boy and girl held each other as they walk down the road together, they will both get more comfortable with each other. That is true. Both parties need to be comfortable with each other. However, the sparks will die off if both boy and girl gets too comfortable.
It is just like flying a kite. You are the one flying the kite so you’ll know best. We should know how to keep the sparks alive in our relationship the best. That is to say if we really want it enough to keep the relationship alive.
The path of your story can be chosen. There is always a choice, that is why we, human beings, are so complexly special.
My greatest downfall is when i decided to love and respect a girl. everything was going good beforehand, I was an asshole to girls, i dont give a shit about what they thought… and they seem to like it and if they dont, who gives a crap. keeping the damn spark alive now means tuning out when she starts to nag. No point getting heated cos you cant punch them in the face. The shit they say, if i was to say it myself i’ll punch myself in the face
Contrary to popular belief there is lots more to Love than Sex,Mush and Desire to Please.
Ask a successful-Couple to compare what they felt 10 years ago to what they feel now, and they will say that ten years ago is “No Contest to Now”. Ask them again in 20 years, and the “No Contest” of 10 will have developed further.
The “Spark” grows into a “ONENESS” which conquers Insecurity, nurtures RESPECT and allows Disagreements without Conflict. Desire & Attraction is everpresent, Real Love is oblivious to “Good Looks”.
Successful Marriages/Partnerships do not happen on their own, like everything else Worthwhile some Effort is required. Key is COMMITMENT & COMPROMISE.
Send dirty pictures to each other via emails, especially at work. It’ll get you hot and bothered and ready for TONIGHT!. Guranteed to keep the sparks flying.
Works for all ages.
Agree with your thoughts .. without effort, there really isn’t much to say hey? I mean, both sides have to work to keep it together and everything else in balance!
No one ever said being in love was easy 😉
Its very true relationship gets monotonous after a while. I know because I am in one for 11 years. We were always together in Kuching, going to work in same car, back from work, dinner, lunch etc. It doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy the company but something is amiss.
Then I decided to pursue my dream. A dream that would mean that I’d be away from her for a period of time. Initially I was hesitant if this would work out for both of us. But if a person is true to his love, things will hold on together and this is the case for me.
As they say absence makes the heart grows fonder-and it does! Late night calls, chatting online and anything to keep in touch, to really talk heart to heart with her. To know what’s really going on in her life. Its like when we started dating and it feels good.
And now I know that we do not need to be physically together to be in love. We need to pursue our individual dream and try to make things work. We have to be different to fall in love- that’s why man are from Mars and women from Venus. And I personally think we should not lose our identity – that’s exactly why we are intrigued and want to know each other in the first place! Imagine how boring to read a novel when you’ve already know what’s the content is about!
In short, what we need is not just a spark, but eternal flame!
Well, a Hugo XX EDT for her would help as well..
Relationships also go stale if couples spend too much time together. Stop being so possessive and give each other some space.
Most guys I know have big aspirations when it comes to building their career or achieving some life-long dreams. Pursuing these dreams require what we call “man time”.
– Agreed
A friend of mine once told me that the ‘spark’ in a relationship could only remain alive if you put in the effort.
Without effort, without sincerity, without care, there is nothing.
I couldn’t agree more.
– Damn well agreed
Hey Kenny,
For me and my bf, becuase we are in long distance relationship(7 hours). My way of keeping the sparks alive are as below
“watch movies together”
– either it’s youtube or DVD or VCD or whatever. We would watch it together…same movie, same time and then dicuss with each other after that.
“send letters”
– I like surprising him with letters. We both love letters because to me words means more than anything. flowers will wither but words will always remain with you, you remember….and spray it with your favourite perfume…so when he sniffs the scent, he will miss you 😉
“sent surprise gifts on special days”
– i like surprising my man with surprise gifts…..especially when he least expected it. And remember an important date is important too..proves that you care
“dress each other”
– Err…don’t mean undressing and dressing each other but….set a date and dress each other up. Dress him in the things u would want to see him in for a week, u decide and vice versa. It’s fun :p
“travel together”
– Travelling is good and adventurous. We like travelling together and experience new things together.
“sms”
– high-tech, simple and quick! sms and tell him how much he means to you and how you’re missing him and vice versa.
There…..some of my tips haha….based on personal experience….:p
Hey Kenny,
For me and my bf, becuase we are in long distance relationship(7 hours). My way of keeping the sparks alive are as below
“watch movies together”
– either it’s youtube or DVD or VCD or whatever. We would watch it together…same movie, same time and then dicuss with each other after that.
“send letters”
– I like surprising him with letters. We both love letters because to me words means more than anything. flowers will wither but words will always remain with you, you remember….and spray it with your favourite perfume…so when he sniffs the scent, he will miss you 😉
“sent surprise gifts on special days”
– i like surprising my man with surprise gifts…..especially when he least expected it. And remember an important date is important too..proves that you care
“dress each other”
– Err…don’t mean undressing and dressing each other but….set a date and dress each other up. Dress him in the things u would want to see him in for a week, u decide and vice versa. It’s fun :p
“travel together”
– Travelling is good and adventurous. We like travelling together and experience new things together.
“sms”
– high-tech, simple and quick! sms and tell him how much he means to you and how you’re missing him and vice versa.
There…..some of my tips haha….based on personal experience….:p
It is nice to read all your comments. Let me see I am married almost 30 years now. Yes we had 4 grand children and one coming soon mean 5 next year.
I have been working overseas for the last 6 years. So one month home and one month away is great. Meeting some where everytime with my wife is great experiences. Like newly wed everytime. I agreed give your spouse sometimes away is good. I must admit sometimes nearly goes Naughty.. Ooops.
adjo! i wanna say is, head paining. pusing kepala from reading this post and its comments. lol
yea lar wei. ease up on the man time bit. relax man. communication is key. guys clam up a lot and women hafta try and pry open and make guys talk. i used to hate hate HATE talking. but you’ll learn to do it and learn that talking is good.
sweeping things under the rug has its consequences.
most men think they gotta second guess or read women’s mind. adui.. tell you dude, guys don’t talk… won’t women hafta try and read the guys’ minds then? that’ll complicate things. from having no issues, dramas happen.
what works for you and your gal may not work for me and my hubster.
TALK more, it’s a sure win!
ling @ US
The funny thing is that I think the word “I love you” get overused in relationships sometimes. Before you put down the phone “I love you”… before you sleep, “I love you”… say sorry also “I love you”..
It seems “I love you” sometimes is almost as common as “hello”
I think the way to keep the spark alive is to say “I love you” only if you mean it… if you don’t don’t say it… The person will believe more if it comes much rarer and less said because of a habit.
Bottomline” Say I you mean it and make it special, for all it’s worth…”
What’s with the HUGO perfumes?!
Are you promoting it or what?
Non-stop using that as prizes…
So much to give away meh…
If two ppl have been in a relationship for so long..is it fair for one just to loose the feeling like that for the other person?
The post by cutie..u know im going through the exact same thing >_> the only thing now is that she’s given up on me but im still going on =( we’ve been together for 2 years ++ and went through our whole high school life together =(..but im still holding strong in loving her although it pains me so much but im not gona give up without trying^^ do ppl just loose the feelings for one another just like that? im sure theres more to it than that wat rite..??
to mantain the spark in your love..
what i do is,always show how much you love him,dont be too stingy,show that he is important than money,always say i love you everytime after calling your him,kiss his cheek..smile..always make him the special one,control you temper when youu’re with him..always want to manja2…wake up early morning tell yourself,i love him so much..dont keep secret between us..tell him all my good and bad side ad tell him that you still love him no matter what badside he have..
eventhough you’re independent somehow sometimes showing that you need him is good..
last but not least.. always pray to god to give happiness and love in life..
for entertaiment you’ll never regret
http://www.my-sensasi.blogspot.com
How to keep a relationship sparks? I guess both woman and man have to put in efforts. Trust, own free times, activities, holidays and of cos be urself from the beginning then it will avoid before and after matter. Sometimes it just like spices, we have to put spices in our relationship rather than take it for granted. No effort, no spices it will end up with tasteless and normally these will lead to affair if u suddenly approach by a more intresting partner.
I hate some men cause they treat me like a girl.
I, am a girl(tomboy).
hi there..
our relationship seems nonsense.at first, we’re super close. but then,after we don’t have a chance to talk with each other.it’s seems there’s no thrill. we just text and that its.how can i resolve this problem? how i approach him even theres’ so many people?