During the last Rainforest World Music Festival, I got to know this girl Jo.
Jo and I eventually ended up becoming pretty close friends. It’s been many months since then, but we still meet up whenever we can.
During one of our “mindless soul-baring sessions” not long ago, Jo told me something I didn’t realise that happened on the night we first met.
At the beach. (No, this is not her.)
To paint the picture here, we were at the beach where a small group of revellers who attended the music festival were congregating.
There was an open fire, drums beating, people dancing. It was a relaxed atmosphere and everyone was just out there chilling out, having fun.
A common friend of ours spotted Jo and introduced us to each other. It was the first time I’ve met her, so I did the normal thing by making a small talk and socialising.
But while I was doing that, my hand was unwittingly placed behind Jo’s back.
No, I’m not grabbing her arse or anything. Just comfortably placed on the small of her back while she yelled into my ears, because hey, there were drums there and it was loud!
It wasn’t until months after that incident that Jo told me she was actually feeling uncomfortable that I was physically touching her that night.
Seeing as how I was a total stranger and it was only the first time we met, she thought it was kinda inappropriate. And when she revealed that to me, I felt like crap! There was nothing malicious at all about that hand behind her back, but I felt bad because I was making her feel uncomfortable.
Suddenly, I felt like a sexual molester!
I mean, I thought it should be ok that I was touching her, because everyone that night was in a relaxed social mood after all. We’re at a music festival! And after she was introduced to me by our friend, I wanna get to know her better. As a friend.
But then again, she could be right. It was only the first time I met her and I shouldn’t assume that she’s ok with physical contact. Like me placing my hand on the small of her back for the whole conversation. Everybody has different boundaries when it comes to physical contact and just because I think it’s ok doesn’t mean she’ll be fine with it. I can understand that.
But then again! I don’t know lah. No one has ever told me what is right or what is wrong also. How am I supposed to know when to touch or when not to touch, right?
What exactly is the protocol when it comes to guys touching girls?
I think I’m terribly confused because I was brought up in a strict family and a conservative Chinese school; then suddenly I was thrown into a more open Western society in Australia where I was introduced to the world of hugging, cheek-kissing and stroking.
Then suddenly I was thrown back into Kuching where one half of society are brought up with conservative Eastern values, and the other half are brought with the more affectionate Western style of socialising. Now I’m getting all confused when to initiate physical contact and when to keep my hands to myself.
Of course, people would be tempted to say “Just keep your hands to yourself lah! Stay on the safe side.” But… I don’t think that’s a normal thing for people to do!
Sure, there are cases where I choose to be on the conservative sides. In a professional environment at work or when I’m meeting some respected figures, a handshake is usually the most I would go. But in a social environment like in a club, a party or a music fest where we’re out to get to know new people, I think we should be able to do more than that, right?
I think we human beings are like pet animals. Guys or girls, we like to be stroked and touched and played with sometimes. Sounds kinda wrong, but it’s true.
It’s a form of bonding. I am always closer to friends I have hugged or touched, compared to female friends with whom the only form of physical contact I had with was a handshake.
But then some human beings are like tigers. We can touch, but if we’re not careful we will kena bitten by them.
Lots of inappropriate touching here.
Are girls nowadays that uncomfortable of being touched by a guy they met for the first time?
Or am I just too scary?
Starting next week, I’m gonna change my sleeping hours from 7pm to 2am. The Penang Bridge marathon in a week’s time starts at 2am, so I gotta get used to sleeping early and waking up at that hour.
Goodbye social life.
If she’s asian, better stay on the safe side and keep your hands to yourself. Or if you’re feeling really touchy, guess from her body language and her dressing on whether she likes being touched
To answer your last question : it depends on the girl actually. One statement does not apply to all. Then again if the girl takes an interest in you, maybe she wouldn’t mind.
The last picture – is the guy telling the girl to touch his bum, or he caught her red-handed touching his bum???
haha!
ha ha, just like ricky martin’s shake your bum bum.. just it’s now.. shake your bum bum
boys can touch girls, but not so much.. =D
It’s not you. Don’t worry about it. It’s just people like me(and Jo, and many others) prefer it if we weren’t TOUCHED by guys. Especially a guy that we’ve just met. It gets just a bit uncomfortable. There aren’t any “things to look out for” to determine who feels this way unfortunately. You were unlucky this time i guess =)
“Are girls nowadays that uncomfortable of being touched by a guy they met for the first time?”
yes, i would be very uncomfortable if a guy places his hand on the small of my back if it was the first time we’ve met. i wouldn’t be able to tell what the guys’s intentions are or if there are any intentions at all, as i don’t know the guy well.
however, if it was a close friend, it wouldn’t be as uncomfortable because i know the guy better and i would trust him that the doesn’t have any evil intentions. at least i hope so.
ç»™ä½ å“lorrrr~~
Offer a free hug to every potential person you’d like to TOUCH in the future………. at one point in your meetings.
If they accept, then they won’t mind future touching.
Free hugs are common in U.S, it’s just friendly interactions.
Oh, try not to grab her ass or touch her boobs while hugging. And don’t do it when you stink like a pig. Or have hairy hair. Or bad breath.
This may potentially backfire.
But if done properly, and with sufficient amount of touching you will eventually……… play with her on the bed.
Yeah.
Yeah……….
Playing cards on the bed with friends is fun. 😀
i was in the same dilemma as you a while back..
i guess there’s no clear cut way to tell, i am able now to tell by experience.. ahaha! look into the personality of the person… most of the time you’ll get it right..
maybe she just dont like guys to have physical contact with her ? you just becareful when you are with her. try to stay your hand away from her . LOL
i think its kinda weird too for some1 i met for the 1st tme to touch me on the back when we’re talking..
TO A GIRL: If you touch her at the small of her back that means you are unconsciously expressing the protective man-thing AND that you are open to becoming more than just friends.
At this time the girl will either feel uncomfortable or she will return your “sign” by touching you (longer than 3.5 seconds) whilst she laughs at your jokes & talks to you closely.
-Chicago Girl
quote: Seeing as how I was a total stranger and it was only the first time we met, she thought it was kinda appropriate.
did you mean inappropriate?
i would say that it really depends on the gal. personally I dun mind if he puts his hand on the small of my back, just not ANY lower. stroking is a big no no… I would be thinking is he ‘chau kan sui’? and dun hug a new found gal friend too tightly, that is taking advantage imho.
u r not scary
just too hairy!!!
hehe
there was once when I went to a new year party with my aunt and uncle and my uncle’s friend had a son.i only met him at the party but we hugged at midnite, and i didn’t mind at all, maybe it was because he was cute!
i guess its really how the girls is about physical contact especially the first time meeting each other..for me to be on the safe side i wouldn’t touch her..may be a friendly handshake thats all..then the rest is all talking..socializing..
but still, i am afraid that the conversation might make the girl feel uncomfortable somehow or another..
Kenny, i’m sure you will feel uncomfortable being touched by a man you meet for the first time.. and why can’t we women feel the same way as you towards men we met for the first time?
i wudnt worry too much if i were u. There’s no general rule of touching, just personal preferences, and even that can change over time. Now if she digs u, she wont even complain now, will she?
i’m also been in perth for a few years, but all the kissing on the cheek i see here are between caucasians. i’ve seen asians hugging though, it is normal i admit, but then again it was only practised between close/well acquainted friends, and only those that are separating or just got reunited, so i dont think its a valid justification on your side. i would suggest no hugging or any body contact in our home country, at least not on the first meeting. play safe, respect other people’s personal boundaries 🙂
your face in the fifth pic shows that you are SCARY!!!!!!!!!
how u ppl think abt this. i
bought a cup of soft drinks from
a self service shop for a date
whom i know for a few years as a casual
friend. i brought it to our table
I saw her reaction which said that
she felt not safe drinking it as
it might contain some knock off drug
i was thinking that this must be overcautious
gal. since we know where we both work and stay
and even met the family.
too much CSI perhaps
hahaha! in msia or maybe asia perhaps, u can only touch the girls tat u noe u well. in western or aus, u can touch whoever tat smiles to u. but for u, since you are so “hairy”, maybe monkeys like you to touch them. maybe Jo wanna tell u, ur hair cucuk her back,so she feel uncomfortable. ???!
We live in Perth but my husband is very conservative, he doesn’t hug or cheek-kiss any of our friends, not even my very close girlfriends and that sometimes is a bit uncomfortable for me and my friends.
though i’m now in western society and love socialising with them, i’d love to keep a distance between men or some sticky,glue-ish girls. it’s kind of a self-protection thing. even if i hav to say something over the loud music, i’d rather shout my lungs out then being close at their face.
As long as you’re handsome, everything will be fine! =D
better to not touch unless it’s someone you’ve known for a long time.
what’s with the pic showing the girl’s breasts? sorry, i like your entries, but when you put pics like that, i’ll end up thinking you must be really shallow.
i know you’re more than that. but be careful about making yourself look immature.
dude, i was brought up in Swak too (I can quote exactly which district; cos been moving around) but I’m currently in the States. So have been exposed to both extreme cultures of the East and West. I guess the best thing’s for us to set our standard set of values and tolerance (+/-) after evaluating the two. And when thrown at these two sets of location, remember the environmental/cultural requirements and adapt by tweaking the tolerance to that already fixed standard. Kinda like an engineering thing…That’s how it has worked for me
It’s sad (for the not so handsome) but what Alex said was true. Good looking is an advantage.
I donno, but I noticed girls who are ok with touch has a tendency to playfully beat you when you tease them or say something funny. Or they’ll come hug you first, then that means ok to touch la.
Yea, I think I would be concentrating on that hand for the rest of the day. It’s the first time you’ve met her after all. After hitting off then I guess it wouldn’t be that weird.
i would honestly say if some drop dead gorgeous male acquaintance placed his hand on my back whilst talking to me, i don’t mind at all. aiyo i sound so vulnerable…no la actually if the guy is genuine the girl should in fact feel honored. its a sign of acknowledgement really.
as long as the touch doesn’t gesture any sign of perversion it should be okay la.
Kenny! Ho! You touch other girls! I jealous d! LOL!!!!
i dont really think that the girl can b touch by a guy when 1st met.. i think la. 1st impression, better b more polite n gentlemen. but i m not saying touching girl the 1st time is not gentlemen, but juz incase ma.. haha. Maybe hug them 1st? hug can show friendliness, yes? no? coz touching is like “taking advantage” of the girl.
Your answer lies in this educational video 😛
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lXA_C0WaG8
i think its inappropriate to touch a gal when u met her for the first time…especially when u dont know how she;s like…conservative or open…mebbe a hug before u leave would be more appropriate,..or after some convo u guys felt more at ease or she’s hinting to u that it is OK…unless u know her well…i dont think guys should assume tat it’s ok…as i’ll feel uncomfy as well if a guy just come up to me n put his arms around me or at the small of my back the first time we met…
can touch, but must touch at the right place…
Damn scary lar!! First time u know.
i think, for first meetings, touch her only if u r interested in her and am flirting with her.
Otherwise, wait for her to touch you first.
that way, u can be sure u dont get your ass sued.
also, the chances of rejection are more remote.
this is very subjective.
some gals say u no guts when u dont touch.
hey damn inappropriate touching sucks when it is not called for. haha. im a big fan. hey kenny do you watch heroes?
you should check my friend Norm’s art piece
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/57321246/
I guess you shouldn’t have touched her…
You have closer relationships with those u’ve touched or hugged before because that is your love language dude. Some people’s love language are words, quality time spent, gifts, etc. So there are a lot of different ways to show one’s affection. I guess Jo’s isn’t touch…
hmm.. maybe not for the first time lah cos you wont know how the gal would like it or not. but I think kenny u kuci kuci her issit? hmm…
Stop making a big deal out of it, you’re not a new age sensitive man that you make yourself to be.
and keep your hands to yourself please, instead of wondering how you are supposed to act in similar situations. some people can communicate without touching, you know.
Why should Asians benchmark ourselves vs western cultures? Every culture is different and each has its own values. That’s why it’s a wonderful world.
When in Kuching, do what the locals do. eg: dont eat kolo mee with fork. When in Rome, dont eat spaghetti with chopsticks.
Cheh, it’s not like grabbing her boobs or something. Just gently touching of the back. After so long only complain. Or maybe because the person touching her is not attractive enough (at that time because not so well known yet. Try Tom Cruise or Ricky Martin, maybe on the spot get horny and take off….
I say keep your hands to yourself, period. No questions asked. It’s indisputable – it’s wrong on so many levels to even touch anyone, be it a girl or a boy, anywhere other than the hand the first time you meet.
Out of my experience, beautiful girls complain less of being touched on the back or anywhere else as long as it’s non-offensive but it’s always the uglier ones who complain all the time.
The prettier ones are more outgoing too. Maybe it’s a psychological state, the prettier they are, the uglier they feel, therefore, less complain. The uglier they are, my God, they feel they are miss world, and will probably tell you off if u accidentally touched their elbow.
Judging from the comments here, we’ve got plenty of ugly ones….haha
Lastly, if you, kennysia, were to look like brat pitt or some really good looking guy, this topic will never rise at all, chances are, their hands will be all over your butt instead.
Cheers to all horny ppl but angelic ppl out there.
Posers.
Next time, just touch those boobies, cut the long story short. Women just love it when men touch their boobs. Just look at those porn movies, they really enjoy it don’t they?
Hahahahaaaa…. Kennysia Hum Sub Lo…hahahahaaaa…or in Hokkien, Chi Kor Pek hahahahaaa…
For guys, this is definitely depending on who you are having conversation with. My personal experience is, when you say putting hand on the back, it should be logically somewhere around the waist, upper or lower is going to be absurd. Occasionally you will meet girl whose waist is unable to sight/identify/recognize, that’s when you should keep your hands to yourself.
The location matters too. We normally don’t do this in JB, because attractive girls like JO(if that’s her in the pic)are surrounded by packs of self-regarded protectors in clubs, readily to start a bar fight with you anytime.
well..if in a club u see..not all girls are up for dirty dancing ..hips holding..etc.. but some girls are..
maybe she’s one of those who doesn like it..but just to shy to push u away..
as a friend la,kenny. ima tell you a secret. there’s a way to touch a girl on the small of their back without getting them to think you’re touching them jfor the sake of touching.
it something to do with the pressure you apply on the small of her back. not touching but yet not pushing. it’s hard to explain but girls will definitely get the wrong idea if there’s too much pressure you put on it.
but the best way you tell her in advance that you want to lead her somewhere 1st.only then you put your hand there.
begin with, “shall we?” or however appropriate manners.
If failing, try the shoulder instead. its more of a friendlier gesture, that way. and polite too.
Hi Kenny, I think it is PERFECTLY OK to touch a girl at the small of a back. You did not touch her inappropriately.
I am a 20 something girl and have that same situation happen to me all the time. No big deal! I kinda like guys to touch the small of my back/waist when they try to talk to me (with the exception old, fat or ugly guys :))
Your friend Jo is just making mountains out of a mole hill.
If you appear at a place like the Rainforest Music Festival you gotta be prepared to get groped/touched/shoved-basically being touched la. If you have been introduced to somebody, it’s also OK to have that guy touch the small of your back to bring you closer in order to hold a decent conversation (music would be loud right?).
Imagine if the guy just stood with both hands behind his back, or hands in pocket… that would have conveyed the message that he was uncomfortable talking to the girl.
If you were in a quiet place whereby you can hear each other clearly, and there was enough space for both of you to move about YET you still touch the girl… now THAT would be suspicious
U r seeking to solve the greatest mystery of the world… or rather universe Kenny…in the form of Woman! I had a case wif a gurl when I was still single (in case my wife reads this)….a case of too many tequila pops. Anyway this gurl challenged me after a round of flirting and I obliged. The bartender was my fren so he put Sprite 7Up for my glasses and she had hers neat. To cut the story short (after 7 to 8 pops)- i believe I was being touched by her everywhere that night….seriously…. the next mornin she scolded me for ‘taking advantage’ of her…. so i know how u feel.
I don’t think I have recovered from being accused of ‘allowing myself to be touched’ …. its a global conspiracy by all women to make men feel bad…
someone’s getting a crotch itch?
personally, i don’t think it’s that much of a big issue really – being touch at the back 1st time meeting, not like you’re grabbing ass you know, hehe. i’ve received and gave hugs or some kind of friendly touch 1st time i meet a person. but then again maybe it’s cos im in australia, if i go back to malaysia it may be came across as weird?
I will feel uncomfortable if i touch a girl i know for the first day…lol
Not like you touch her chee bye la…. some girl more sporting some abit shy ma… summore your face sometimes look like very horny some might get scared la haha, she don like then shame on you lo, you can’t know every girls boundary rite?
I have tried to convince girls that greetings in my society include my penis but they dont seem to go for it.
Hm… Actually for some girls, it is OK to be touched as long as it does not go beyond the limit or something. I think you only touched her back, not her a** so I think that is still ok. As for me, I have loads of frens and some of them are used to the hugging and check-kissing thingy. So Im getting used to it as well. Like I said above, he didn’t do something inappropriate.
“Of course, people would be tempted to say “Just keep your hands to yourself lah! Stay on the safe side.” But… I don’t think that’s a normal thing for people to do!”
what’s normal nowadays, anyway? the normality of the world has gone off course. what’s normal now may not be normal 20 yrs ago or 20 yrs later. it’s up to HUMANS themselves to determind what’s normal for humans, right?
why don’t u determine whether touching a girl you’ve just met is perfectly normal?
cheerios 🙂
I don’t mind…IF he is cute enough. Lolx.
i would feel dang weird if a guy touches me for the first time by any means, whether its at the small of her back. gives me the wrong impression =/ maybe after she gets more cosy with you, then its ok kenny =) and kenny’s not that revolting looking ok girls.
if u r cute, i think most girls will think is ok…haha
if u r not tat cute, better becareful with ur hands.the girls might scare of u.
conclusion…. this world is always unfair la k… cant say wat u do is wrong or right..
I don’t feel comfortable being touch by guys who are normal friend (bf is ok of course)..even though I know them for a few months ledi, I still don’t like it
I don’t think i can concentrate on talking if he place his hand on my back all the while
Well, we are Asian, we aren’t allow to do the same things as western doing especially hugging or touching.Might be one day we all are westernized.
Latest info from my girlfriends, to judge whether you can touch a girl or not, just look at the way she’s dressed. If really conservative, don’t even look at her boobs.
If sexy or revealing, then high chance they don’t mind holding their waist, back, or arm. But not the hands or face or boobs or butt. Preferably good looking guys.
Those who complain like in this case (if she’s the one in the pic) probably have ulterior motives. And the color match are very bad, mango flying in the sky.
I think things like this vary from person to person, and I agree we are just social animals and we have a NEED for phisical contact. I feel sorry for people that are uncomfortable with a touch from other people, they dont know what they are missing out on. Just a simple brush of skin against skin can have a tantalizing effect! It probably stems from being brought up with the belief that sex is taboo. Your loss, as for me, I want to relocate to brazil!
Aiyahh Kenny…
Too bad that only handsome n gud looking guys can get that extra ‘hands’ on girls la..
Sad but true…we gotta live with it la..
Men with tits like us…
The closest is to hold her used tissue cos there’s no dustbin around…..
Rock on..!
According to some experts, everybody has a ‘safety distance’ with another person, the distance veries to individuals, so instead of figuring what’s the border line, make yourself look cuter n handsome lah! than gals wont get irritated. mua ha ha!
i think you’re just horny kenny! LOL
Well, I think, depending on the culture, there is an ‘unwritten’ rule or ethics of how your body language should be. When you meet a girl at the first time, its advisable to keep a distant, about 30 cm at least I reckon. Touching? As a general rule of thumb, the are that is ‘allowed’ is the upper arm part. More than that, er… u should think twice. And touch for a split second is fine, but if you touch it for the whole night..well, it’d mean creepy!!
If you are meeting a girl for the very first time, its best to keep your hands to yourself. Its the only polite thing to do.
I’ve lived in Australia for five years now. That still doesn’t mean its all right for guys to touch me when we meet for the first time.
If you wanna touch, just touch me la… any place also can
LOL
urm
i know i would feel real uncomfortable if a guy touched me the first time we met
honestly
they first thing that would pop into my mind would be PERVERT!!!!!STAY THE HELL AWAY!!
=)
can someone plz ans me this..
the story line go ike this..i juz gt a bf which i juz know him for a few months. He confessed to me tat he likes me, bt til nw i’m still wonderin whether he really meant it, or juz wan to be playful. I heard some rumours abt him tat he is a player. The most suspicious thing is he still keep his so called ex gf pic as his ph background. When i ask abt it, he tells me tat he dun really bother n will change it.
Another thing is when he tried to kiss me, his hands went around n wanted to get hold of my boobs. I’m kind of typical shy chinese gal, so i gt hold of his hand from touchin them and he gt kinda shocked coz i will stop him, n he keeps on askin y.. n blame me for potong steam!
i’m so confused with him…
I don’t think there’s a good answer for that. It’s just like your blog. You can’t please EVERYONE. You just do what you think seems wise.
When it comes to the opposite sex, I think most ppl are still really confused as to what is appropriate. But it’s hard to know when you meet someone for the first time.
I personally don’t hug guys I’m not really close to. I think it’s probably a wise idea for a guy not to be too touchy until he knows that the girl is comfortable with it.
Although I can understand that you didn’t mean any harm to Jo when you touched her, for some girls it’s a very intimate thing to put your hand on the small of her back. So I guess you just have to really get to the know the person to find out what kind of touch/strokes they’re comfortable with before actually doing anything.
You’re a very sociable person, Kenny. So I’m sure you’ll be able to judge the general flow of conversation and chemistry to discern when and how to touch a girl. =)
perhaps u didn’t realise which HAND of urs was youching… 3rd hand from your crouch?
she might be referring to that… haha..
the thousand year old dillemma. I just touch when i want to touch. Thats why I’m studying law. 🙂
come back to Aus. no dilemmas.
ever watched the movie “Hitch”? try higher up on the back or on lightly touch the elbows whenever making a point…you could also just try any appropriate spot and watch for a reaction…then learn 😀
I do think it depends quite a bit on how you were brought up. I know lots of girls who are all quite touchy feely, and depending on the culture someone could be quite open to the air kiss, the welcome hug, the hand on shoulder etc etc.
I myself am definitely NOT… I do not like people touching me, even the people I know. Only significant others and close family please!
So in the future.. just practise safe non-touching 8-p
Better to be safe than sorry!
just admit it kenny, u’re a pervert -.- (its explained & proven when u’re unwittingly touching her back)ask urself, if she was older like 30’s or 40’s would u still touch her?
I think the girl over-reacted, thats all.
No. I wouldnt like to be touched by a total stranger. Its rude and inappropriate regardless of he circumstances/ environment
Y do u have to touch la?
Talk cannot talk properly ar?
u use ur hand to talk isit?
it seems fine when females do it on males doesn’t it? life is so unfair.
We can’t find a definite answer to this topic.
The answer lies with the individual regardless of culture or race.
If u r touched by a guy u hv no feelings – it’s a no no…
If by someone whom she is attracted to – it’s come on some more!
First of all, most of my chick friends and I won’t mind it. Ii think Jo was a one off. I suppose there ARE some people who would be uncomfortable… but I believe that is just a minority.
Secondly, it would depend on how you look. First impressions and all… If you looked dodgy and have a bad rep, no chick would want that.
On the whole, everyone knows you’re a pretty decent guy 😀 So don’t worry!
FIRST TIME DON’T TOUCH LAH UNLESS SHE IS IN THE ‘SERVICE INDUSTRY’. THEN U CAN EVEN ‘POKE’. HAVE A NICE DAY.
For what its worth, I can’t live without Touch. No, not the sexual kind.
..well, that too, but that’s a whole different story.
pervert!!!
I think its alright to put a hand on girls.
Just not for … so long.
They will like it, and think its a way to show your affection for them.
I think it’s a bit silly to put your hand on the small of her back the entire conversation. Don’t touch if you’ve just met. Same goes for clubs unless she obviously wants you.
It all depends on the girl and on YOU. haha. Seriously la. If you have a “chee koh” rep, then a girl will be uncomfortable with you only LOOKING at her. “Oh my, is he undressing me with his mind?”
If you got a good rep, then you can go further…
hehehe
hmm, for me, i wouldnt like a guy i just met to touch me on the small of my back …but then that’s just met, im brought up in a conservative family so i think that probably affects how i feel 🙂
I would instantly relate that to a very pervertic + ‘thinks hes damn cool’ guy. No matter how handsome you are, its a real turn off for me.
Unless I show signs that I like you. But I’ll still feel odd if you’re touching me the FIRST time we meet.
Touching the small of her back to maintain contact during conversation in a Crowded, Noisy place is a natural thing to do. In whatever Language, Culture or Location of the world, the onus is strictly the Females’ initiative on What is Allowed and When. Despite Liberal behaviour Wherever, DECENCY is universal. In fact I’d opine that Treatment of Women is more Guaranteed by Law in so-called liberal countries. It’s not that the prudes don’t enjoy swapping bodily fluids, they just won’t acknowledge it.
There are so many ways to let a guy or gal know what they are doing is inappropriate without making a scene, that leaves me baffled Why the young Lady endured her discomfort without any displeasure even in body language. Though I’ll readily admit to LOVING “Women” where the chemistry is Right, there are three rules I never break: Never,Ever beg for punani. Never Lie, and she only needs to say NO Once.
Perhaps, SIMPLY, the Young Lady you were introduced to on that night has now grown into a Confident, Self-assured WOMAN.
I can touch a guy, but a guy can never touch me. Unless I give the green light. And how can ya’know when the light turns green.. ya’just know..
if she’s attracted to you, she wouldnt mind the touching (or notice it, even). if she isnt, then she’ll feel mighty uncomfy. general unspoken rule, i think.
No complaint if a girl likes the guy / the guy’s cute, period.
man you DO look like a sexual molester in that picture! careful guys he’s a potentially a sexual molester =p =p
well just joking mate.
I personally think such physical contact on the first meet is not appropriate.
Just put it this way, imagine you with your daughter, meeting some new guy and he’s putting his hand on ur daughter’s back, you wouldnt feel uncomfortable would you?
Also, you wouldnt know if a gal has a boyfriend or not, and you wouldnt know if her bf minds other guy touching his girl. What if her boyfriend is just not far away?
Putting myself in girls’ shoes, i think i would definitely feel uncomfortable…..
This is a kind of respect. Not to say abt guy-girl situation. I wouldnt feel comfortable even if it’s a new guy, putting his arm on my shoulders as if we’re “brothers” whn we 1st meet.
Anyway good writeup i like ur blog and it never failed to entertain me. Keep it up!
Cheers =)
well. personally, i think its rather inappropriate for a guy to initiate this kind of physical contact at the first meeting.
but it all depends on the girl actually. if she has been brought up in a pretty westernized environment, then such things would be rather common & accepted as a social greeting/whatever.
and besides, asians are generally more conservative.
No wonder Kenny is refer to the hand of gods in Kuching… He likes to touch every pretty thing he sees in his eyes….
simply get the touch=cheap.
bt still depends on the condition la..
That girl in the pink top looks like Datok Michelle Yeoh~!
What is “small at a back” anyway?
hmm… i’m asian but i don’t mind if a guy touch me in a friendly way ofcourse ( no butt touching)>but it also depends who’s touching me ofcourse.
please visit, thank
To the miss with the pseudonym confusing myself….
Drop your BF like a hot potato…NOW!!! he’s just out to have sex with you. There’s no love and he does not even care about you. If he shows affection, it’s fake. Get the hell out of the relationship!
Unless you’re willing to give your body to him and experience a heartbreak later, like many of the girls who are not willing to be touched here. Pls lah.
If you love yourself, take it slow, no boobs for him. But ask him to get you gifts and then break the relationship. ASAP!
I wouldnt feel comfortable to have someone I’ve just met touching me even at the small of my back. It’s like “hello?? r u just friendly or just taking advantage?”
If she is your fan, I think they will be happy to be touch by you Kenny. Just like Austin Powers….yeah Baby.
nope. u’re just too hairy 😛
HAMSAP.
really does depend on individual, but if a gal silently move away or stay a distance or twitch a little after been physically in contact with a guy, u can safely assume she isnt comfy with the contact.
Kenny don touch girl la. maybe they scared of u. hahaa
like a virgin….oooh! touched for the very first time…
i think it IS over the limit touching someone whom has just been introduced to you, EVEN if you had no intentions whatsoever and EVEN if it was just holding the small of her back.
some girls prefer to maintain their own space, knowing that they are safe, a security barier, per se, and they don’t like it when someone intrudes. they feel like they aren’t being respected and are just being taken advantage of.
it’s not fair to say that because it is a music festival, or because it is a club, social boundaries are more relaxed. heck, if you think about it, uptight girls would be even more uptight in situations like this in fear of being picked up and what-not. right?
in a club, you have a fair share of those who ARE open and those who are more on the conservative side. and so just to play safe, keep you hands to yourself lah!! seriously..LOL
but think about it.
isn’t a gentleman one whom is polite, respectful and etc etc
so wouldn’t polite and respectful be enough as an explanation about the whole physical ordeal, polite and respectful meaning giving a woman her space and her comfort.
and since you’ve been overseas for quite awhile, don’t they have a very strict rule about privacy and confidentiality of the people?
where you can legally sue for battery or tort or whatever for use of private property (eg photos) without permission?
you know, i never had any objections to your use of photos, right up til you posted the picture of the girl in pink for this post.
don’t you think it may be quite embarassing AND disrespectful for her? sure, maybe she didn’t mind her picture being taken, but for you to put it up, and cut half her face off so that the picture is focused on her chest and using it within the context of your post…i think you ARE being disrespectful of her.
ESPECIALLY when the question you ask your readers are if you’ve gone over the limit.
you may say that she doesn’t read your blog, or that it’s not as easy to identify her, but c’mon.
friends of hers will be able to identify her by means of her shirt, her smile, her chin, her hair, etc etc. not fair to her, i’d say.
Kenny replies: She’s my friend lah! :)!
plus, you know those ppl whom use cameraphones to take pictures of girls up their skirts and etc..
what makes you so different when you yourself take pictures of girls whom are dancing (seductively)?
again, just because it’s a musical festival or a club or whatever, it doesn’t give you the right to intrude on the rights of the people, by taking pictures of them or by touching them.
again, you may say that they might have known that it’s obvious you were taking pictures of them, but so what??
unless they’re friends of yours, then i guess it’s a different thing, but if they’re not, then it’s a very big intrusion issue.
in conclusion, all i’m saying is that i think as a guy, you should first come to know the lady better and know what she is comfortable with before making any move, even without intentions. show that you are capable of respecting her and giving her space. it is impolite to touch a lady whenever without permission, especially when you’ve just been introduced to her.
girls will come to respect you and would feel safer when being accompanied by you only if they know you’d never intrude on them in the first place.
haha. i never meant for this comment to be so long, but oh well, loads to say. no offense to you or anyone, whatsoever.
anyhow, i think you’re a very good blogger kenny, and i love reading kennysia.com.
but i think there are just some things that you need to be aware of when it comes to dealing with other ppl in any way.
so kudos to you, and keep on blogging!!
🙂
u think u r really an idol kah? Simply touch, siao~ Even ang moh cha boh also don like u simply touch lah……
oh, and i forgot to add.
if you happen to be drop-dead-gorgeous, it still wouldn’t make much of a difference to girls whom are conservative (and may either be pretty or not. pretty girls can be conservative too ok…)
they’ll just think you’re being smooth and pulling a playa stint.
so it still forms an impression of you.
it’s better to be good-looking AND be a gentleman at the same time, no?
😛
You are just too scary.
Are girls nowadays that uncomfortable of being touched by a guy they met for the first time?
I think it should be strictly hands off during a first meeting…but it kinda depends. When I was in Australia, it was kinda acceptable that the Aussies were touchy. You’d think to yourself: Ahhh. They’re just being friendly…they’re like that with everyone!
Back in Malaysia however, it’s more like…EEE! What is this guy up to arr?
Not sure if this is an example of blatant double standards or just a cultural difference! 😀
be cool man.
being a quite conservative chinese, yes I would feel uncomfortable if a stranger touch me even it’s a girl!
Frankly…no big deal.
it is up to a person to be open or not.
to me, i find, it is just a socializing act.
you can put your hand at her small back but then, if you sense she is uncomfortable, then take it away. some ladies just don’t mind and they are happy with it. just depends how open she is.
like how my friend’s wife put it. “if you go to a club, and you don’t flirt and get to know any ladies/guys, please! might as well stay at home. don’t give me the crap that you just wanna drink. buy a beer and drink at home. its cheaper. you are paying a premium to know ladies and guys.”
I thought it will be good if any girls can voice out their discomfort in a nice manner when they feel uncomfortable in the first place..
There’s nothing wrong with your action.. for me I think you just want to ease the ‘tension’ of meeting up for e first time.
esp during clubbing, it’s common.
It’s okay for good looking guys. LOL.
hahaha!!
man u dam kesian lol!
never liked whores anyway
they’re just given what they’ve asked for =P
ur ugly and pervert =)
The level of attraction and degree of discomfort when being touched ( in a friendly way like you did) is reversely proportional. hee hee.
i will kana shock.
Physical touch for me is for extremely close friends or boyfriend.. Especially the small of the back which is pretty sensitive fore me..
So first time someone touch me at the small of the back i will back off almost immediately.. Brought up the traditional way =]
Simply said, shouldn’t touch her, especially it being the first time. It can ruin the better impression you made earlier and it’s not worth loosing that for just a touch, isn’t it? 😛
I agree. Human do crave for affections. Why not, since those are the first thing one misses after a breakup. There are even studies that shown humans need affections. Hell, we’re born needing it. Babies do not grown up normally without contacts with parents.
Having said that and this is a more mature situation, to me (alone), I’m fine with touches unless I “smell” something fishy going on. I havnt realised this until I lived with 2 sorts of housemates. Being the only girl in the house has its perks and nots. For example, I’m happy with lying down with them or walk around the house in my bikini top during the summer with some housemates but until 2 guys were joined us later, I reclused myself. It’s all to do with the way they look at you and their mindset when u talk to them. I made sure i always have a meter away from them. Mind u, No ammohs in the house but pure international asians with ancestors from China.
My point is, it depends how much we know about a guy until we are comfortable with physical contacts with him. It may take about 5 minutes or 5 years of knowing him to know that he’s not a pervert. If you can show that u’re a safe person in the first 5 minutes, go ahead. So its actually how much we know of a guy to allow touching.
Admittedly, if you’re good looking or oozing with macho, touching is ok cause that’s flirting.
i love hugs!
well, the first question would be, was she attractive?
second,id it were someone not attractive, would you have felt that urge to be “close” as well?
if the answer to the second one is yes, then MAYBE it is just a cultural thing…if not, then well, you might know the answer to that yourself.=)
Your blogs really interest me all the time. Ahh…
Em.. about this issue, it’s depends on certain girl. Different girl has different opinion.. so, be careful while placing your hands on stranger next time. haha…
😉
men need affection the human touch
but women need words
that would be sufficient
Kennyy…..you can touch me anytime anywhere. I’m waitin……~
Mate, It is perfectly fine to touch. Depending on which part of the back. I would say in the kind of situation you’re in (ie social event) it is a norm to do so.But then again, you’re in Sarawak, Malaysia, though I would have expected that these days ladies are already used to it. And oh, you need the looks and the charm to really pull it off. Bitches.
From a girl that has been put in similar situations, I’d say that for the guy, you’d need to read her body language. I know it’s probably rocket science but really, it’s not that hard.
If she looks even remotely uncomfortable at whatever you’re doing, then stop it (ie. remove the hand). If she seems ok with it, then fine, leave the hand there.
This may sound weird but it also depends on the pressure you were applying on the small of her back. Like, was it a “hold her close to your body” type or was it a “gentle, edging her towards you” type of hold? Cos I’d feel damn uncomfortable if it was the former!
I have met men who just did. not. get. the. idea that they were leaning too close to me when chatting in a club or putting their arms around my shoulders (!). That’s when the “Excuse me, I need to hit the ladies room” works 😉
As for my personal experience, you can call it bimbotic or wadever not but it depends on who is touching me. And what were the circumstances at such. I mean, if the music is playing so freaking loud, touching would mean initiating a conversation (in order to hear better, you’d move closer to that person)… stroking the thigh n what not is pervertish. and that is totally unnecessary. And besides, it actually depends on the girl. What sorta upbringing she has, her cycle of friends. the environment that she has been accustomed to? Living here in KL for about 5 yrs, we are so into the Western culture of hugging, kissing and wad not. So touching is really common here, and I guess most girls look at who is touching them. Yes bitches, but seriously I would say it is the same for the guys, only that many would not want to admit that. But personally touching is OK, unless it gets a lil too much (shoulder, thighs.. stroking…)
man kenny ur just being insensitive. if the girl was reading ur blog it’d seem like ur playin right into her face.
anyway, if a guy touched my back i definitely WOULD NOT like it.
but maybe dats cos im a guy.
lol…
To be honest, I guess the simple answer would be No. Generally its just not really appropriate to touch a girl for an extended period of time when you’ve just first met regardless whether she is asian/non-asian UNLESS, it is meant to be a ‘i-am-interested-in-you’ sort of way.. then I guess by all means, go for it I suppose.
If the girl is also interested in you in that sort of way, then I guess she wouldnt mind the slight inappropriateness of the situation at all. But most girls (especially Asians) are quite conservative with this so best thing is to make sure that u give the girl some personal space – especially if you dont want to send the wrong signals. Its okay to touch briefly to get the other person’s attention or out of necessity but then its not so okay if its anything more than a brief touch, if you’re meeting for the first time.
But its okay Kenny, dont feel too bad about the whole thing because it wasnt like u were trying to be sleazeball or anything and I’m sure she knows it now. Some people are just generally more affectionate than others – which is generally a good thing. But culturally I guess Asian people are just not as used to being openly affectionate as caucasians so some ppl can feel uncomfortable.
“Keep Your Hands Off My Girl”.
Lesson of the day: “Personal Space”
Never stop learning. Always search wiki for answer. 🙂
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Personal_space
kenny u got job or not de? how come u got so many time to travel in ASEAN..so envy u lar
If the guy is handsome, then a physical touch is okay; if the guy is some ugly shit, pls stay away!
hahaha..
haii… you are no longer in western country no more. It is Kuching and I guess there are still many girl who are still pretty conservative, even when clubbing.
test
wtf? I’m A Chicken With No Name. BWAK BWAK BWAK!???
mmmmmmmmmmmppp
This is Asia, lets do it Asian style. 🙂
lol, you’re not cute, that’s why she feels uncomfortable.
if you look like some hottie, she’d let you put ur hands all over her.
if you look like some hottie, she’d let you put ur hands all over her.
Or she’d be wondering how many other girls those hands have roamed over before. 😉
My advice is just keep your hands to yourself, to be on the safe side. Let her initiate contact. If you really want to be affectionate, start with safe areas–like shoulder or arm. If she’s uncomfortable, her body language will show.
It just doesn’t feel right to be touched by someone at the first meeting. Not anyplace, let alone the small of your back, even the friendly-shoulder-hugging is a no-no.
But I am an Asian, and being brought up in a conservative family.
So maybe u can hug Western girls, or Asian brought up Western style.
If you do that to me, I’ll be extra careful to avoid u the next time we meet.
It just doesn’t feel right to be touched by someone at the first meeting. Not anyplace, let alone the small of your back, even the friendly-shoulder-hugging is a no-no.
But I am an Asian, and being brought up in a conservative family too.
So maybe u can hug Western girls at ur first meeting (heck, u can even bed some of them), or Asian girl brought up Western style.
However, if you do that to me, I’ll be extra careful to avoid u the next time we’re in the same place.
What’s the justification of touching someone in this context? As far as I am concern, it irks me to the max if one does not understand the concept of please-mind-your-hands-and-my-personal-space.
Hahaha U’re the touchy kinda of guy lah.
Speaking from a girl’s point of view, I wouldn’t like a guy’s hand to linger on me unless I know him well enuff to read his intentions. Since that was her 1st time knowing you, she probly didn’t know if you’re a buaya or just friendly.
Since she admitted that much probly means you left a good impression after all :0)
molester =P
kenny it depends on the girls and the guys also. some girls dont mind guys touching them only if that particular guy(s) caught their attention (handsome, smart, tough, macho, etc etc). some girls dont like to be touched at all maybe because they have a boyfriend or they will feel awkward.
I have seen a girl cry just because one guy wanna take her picture.. sounds too conservative rite?
but its true..
girls are just hard to figure.
The jist of this blog is being Experienced enough to differentiate between a Brief Touch or Lingering Grab.Noisy Clubs are not Ideal places to conduct conversation,touching is almost mandatory to be heard.
Fact that the Lady feels comfortable enough to mention it is a BIG Plus Kenny lad.
This debate completely ignores the reality that Females are more persistent in persuing a Mate than men are,and primary part of Culture is in level of Skill and Finesse.Proof is in the pudding Lol!
So-called Conservative countries all have Population problems. Maybe,if Sex & Sexuality was discussed OPENLY,many would find other things to do when they thought no one was watching.
It is an established fact that Women outnumber Men in the world,important contributing factor being ASIAN preference for Boys(ABUSE of Ultra-Sound),creates an Imbalance in Selection process.
Though Looks play a part there are other criteria Women consider first when looking for a Life-Partner:- Kind,Faithfull,Stable-provider,Good-Father. So next time you see a BEAUTIFULL Woman with a man who was severely beaten with an Ugly-Stick,it’s probably because she is as smart as she is Beautifull.
Despite the “LOVE” factor, Marriage is the Biggest GAMBLE we will ever make, and Nagging will bring the WORST out of most people.
i dun tink it’s a matter of being conservative or nt… jz some gurls maybe they had their on preferance…but i m sure when ur pheromones are over them, it doesn’t matters where u touch or hw u touch anymore..
I think ‘touching’ at neutral body parts (hands, shoulders) are generally find, stranger or not.
2 Rules of the Thumb
1)How drunk/intoxicated is she? Level of stuck-up-ness is inversely proportional to the amount of sweet nectar in her system. Also the more drunk you yourself are, the less you’re gonna remember the awkwardness so…
2)Be cool. Don’t make the ‘touch’ seem intentional or contrived i.e. don’t place your hand on her back for the whole conversation – only say, when you’re leaning forward to hear her better. That way you’re initiating contact only becuase you’re ‘considerate enough to listen intently’.
Also, it pays to ease into it. Maybe gently brush her shoulder first when you’re telling a joke and gauge her body language. Some girls are squeamish. But its the girls who put up the highest barriers that would prolly end up being under your thumb once they’re convinced you’re ‘a nice guy’ 😉
Let the make out sessions begin. Hope this doesn’t sound too greasy…
hey kenny,
I guess twas ur unlucky nite.
Usually with ur crowd, u’d hav no problem w tat little gesture.
Mayb for her case, she interpreted it wrongly, though u hav nothing malicious in thought, it’s just tat sometimes, a girl might still wanna go out hav fun but keep her distance from any touchy-feeley.
Simplest solution : First time meet a gal, avoid touchy-feeley. After u get to know her better, that little gesture might be interpreted as being a gentleman.
IMHO : Hands on back usually are acceptable at first impression if u both are crossing the road or opening the door for her or trying to bring a lady to the car or stuff similar to those. Otherwise, simply mis-interpreted as taking the opportunity to take a little advantage.
cheers
We wouldn’t be having this conversation if you looked like Ricky Martin or the lead actor in that gay taiwanese drama (7pm). Anybody agree with me?
this is very subjective. it all depends on factors like how do you look like, how close are you with the gal you are touching, what was both of your condition during touching…i mean drunk or what and things like that. some will take this easily. but i think gals will take this matter more seriously if they have feelings for you – this is what my gal friends told me before.
As for me, i think it is ok as long as the guy dun rub on my back.
And for all the ladies out there, if u dun feel comfortable with the hand contact then show ur body language to the guy there and then in a nice way.
Afte tht, if u get to know the guy better then i think no point bringing up ur negative thougts cos at tht time u really dun noe him yet..and now since u know him and his character… Anyway, he is just a fren, am i right?
I think the point here is that everyone has different acceptance level of phyiscal contact and their so called private space. So it’s a bit risky to touch them on the first meeting with a person, maybe after a few times when you get to know the person better, u may do that if u think they are okie with it. =)
Kenny Kenny, poor you, you can only blame urself for not being Leng Chai “Handsome” enough =P …….cuz the touch on the small back is no biggy and girls nowadays normally dont mind except for the really conservative type which considers even a hand shake too touchy…
However thsre is one question here for you though, did you let go?? cuz touching her small back for a while is ok, but if you dont let go then it’s your own fault for making her uncomfortable……
But anyways it boils down to looks matters lar, good looking guys will certainly always have no problems touching a girl and I mean any type of girl as long as they avoid the “Sensitive” areas.
SO tough luck lor Kenny, just have to say cuz you not leng chai enough thats why she felt uncomfortable. But if you’re leng chai then she will probably be happy for the whole night…….well thats life…….
Lol. I can see the trauma this might cause you. A while ago when I visited a club in Malaysia with my cousin and some friends, there was a boi who was rather… touchy I guess. Some of us are used to small friendly gestures, like your hand on the back, an arm around the shoulders, even a hand on the waist. Mostly because we understand these are nothing more than friendly, affectionate touches. But my cousin felt quite differently; she told me: Here, if you allow a boi to touch you, they’ll think you’re easy. Frankly I was a little o_O and became quite uncomfortable after that with any gestures.
But I’ve thought about it and I honestly believe that a person is welcome to ‘touch’ in a social context because you’re right, it’s more personal, it’s friendlier, and I actually enjoy the small demonstrations of affection from my guy friends. If a girl is uncomfortable about it, then she is entitled to say so and the boi should remove himself immediately. I accept that some girls may feel uncomfortable about saying something… but it’s not really an attitude I support. I think that girls should speak out when they feel uncomfortable, and of course the same applies to guys, and the other should have enough due respect to understand and comply.
similar as to your circumstances, i was also thrown into the western worl but i’m still a no touchie person. so basically noone shud touch me in any way or my mood goes sour. but it’s diff laws for my bf of course. i even get uncomfortable if my mom’s foot accidentally touches mine and stays ther. it’s not extreme til no one shud tap my shoulder to call me tho. who is to say what is normal~
i’m sorry to say this but even if I was your friend, I would be really offended if you put up a picture of me with my breasts in focus (a la that pic with your friend in pink). It would lead me to think that you’re a guy who doesn’t respect women and their privacy or space. Unless I’m actually that stupid to give you permission to place my picture on your blog.
Kenny replies: Ummm…. I think I know her well enough to know what she is ok with and what she’s not. Like, I know her better than you, right? Besides, there’s nothing offensive with that picture. It’s not focusing on the boobs, but on the whole body lah. What were you thinking?
As to whether you putting your hand on the small of her back throughout the entire conversation is wrong. The answer is pretty simple. Once the girl says she’s uncomfortable, what you’re doing is wrong. It does not apply to all girls. But generally, unless she’s attracted to you (which I’m sure you’ll be able to pick up signs of attraction from her), chances are she will not be comfortable with you putting your hand on the small of her back considering it’s the first day you’ve met and esp when you said it’s for the ENTIRE conversation.
So yes, it’s better to keep your hands to yourself unless she displays signs of affection towards you. And obviously, as she gets to know you more, the more comfortable she’ll be with you (unless she stops being friends with you) and then it’s MORe appropriate for you to start touching her in a friendly way.
And yes the ‘small of her back’ is not the same as an arm or shoulder. When guys touch there, girls will think the guy has intentions to be more than friends.
I think you are just a fwaking pervert who probably thought you could lay her for that night. I bet she could sense your imbecile erection through your touch hence she felt uncomfortable…
so many comments….read til pening d…haha…
anyway, sumthing like wat jo experienced happened to me early this year as well…i was out wif my cousins and some frens at a bar&lounge and sumhow or other, when we were leaving, this guy fren of mine put his hand around my waist. I felt really uncomfortable cuz im not close to him…jus mutual frens u see. I did push his hand away but later he told me that he was simply trying to protect me from the crowd. erm, kinda like, making sure no other guys touch me.
I tot that was a lame excuse. o_O
I mean, i wouldnt mind it if my close guy frens put their hand at the small of my back when we r at crowded places but if i dun know the guy well i would definitely feel uncomfortable.
depends on the person’s mindset lah. I’ve seen girls getting all touchy feely wif guys they just met.
I wouldn’t mind, until at least the hand travelled further south.
A Mexican workmate had a habit of ambushing me to kiss my cheek as a form of “hello”/”goodbye” greeting, so I got used to it.
Oh hello, Auckland International Airport!
you are big and old enough to think what is right &wrong dont tell me you dont have your coconut brain in your head.
Ask yourself, do u like uh if someone or your friends touches your girlfriend or you wife?
Kenny replies: If it is a friendly touch I don’t think I’d mind at all. 🙂 Would you?
Look into her eyes when you talk. You can tell whether she can be touched or not.
this political racial thing is nothin new. just dat chinese ppl cant be bothered in politics as long as their life is unaffected (just let them do their business). its too bad tho. evry1 feels it.
well technically, just talk to her for awhile first, if she opens up to you (ie, hits you when you make a joke or something), then it should be alright to touch her.
if she hasnt opened up, then its really a bad idea to touch her since it gives the wrong idea.
I feel a little bit uncomfortable if a guy i met for a first time touch me on the small of my back. But if he seems alright during the conversation, I’ll be friendly (but still thinking of the hand uncomfortably) but if he sounds creepy I get out of the conversation as fast as possible.
For second & third time or for casual friends, it doesn’t matter that much (unless if I have already decided that the guy is creepy during the first time… then i avoid him).
You should listen to Jojo’s “How to touch a Girl” =P
Maybe it’s your hairy hands…
eh bart.. u talking about wu chun @ quan is it??? >:(
yeah, maybe it’s your hand..so hairy la kenny!
Dude,
Forget about her,Nothing wrong with U!
Just go for somebody socially accepted:)
actually i would have felt uncomfortable too. even if it’s a friendly touch. coz i just got to know you, if you accidentally touch me, then fine. but if you have the intention, friendly or cheeky, i’ll felt offended. as though you dun respect me kinda thing. (: but not all girls are so. so on the safe side, keep hands to yourself bah. (:
the answer to kenny’s anxiety is – obviously, girls will only let GOOD-LOOKING guys(though not all the time) touch them when they first meet. i’m not trying to offend, but with looks like KENNY SIA a bit fat a bit chi kor pek face, i will feel so GROSS OUT and think that he’s a humsup man and likes to take advantage of girls…
don’t touch them… unless galz touch u first.
The fact that she remembered it to this stage of your friendship means she’s probably has her reservations about you as a friend and thinks she’s “not that kind of girl”.
Equality is hard to come about when every region of a woman’s body is regarded as near-sacred. Have you ever contemplated where to hit a woman in self defense and found that there was no appropriate part to hit but only regions that are more taboo than others? While a woman can effect battery without thinking before they strike? The point is the integrity of the male person in relation to unwanted interference by other persons is less valued these days and with women, males have to tread on eggshells when attempting anything physical.
Short version: Men can be touched anywhere by women, it is assumed they want it, the presumption is doubled when the opposite is attractive With women, men have to think twice. Ever notice in the movies, people laugh when men get kicked in the balls? Try getting away with kicking a woman in her nether regions.
I’ve stayed in the states for 3 years while i was studying there, gesture like what u’ve described is very common and… really no biggie lo. Sort of like protective gesture and u were saying the music was too loud and u could hardly hear what she said.
But then again somehow it is OKAY in the states while ang mors are doing that but when I’m in Malaysia I think I would feel rather… uneasy if malaysian did that to me?? Mmmmmm.. Dont understand why but this is how I would feel.
As long as u din have any evil intention ( u didn’t have any , right? I hope )then just be yourself ! 🙂
MY HAND. BRIAN’S BUTT. HAHAHA.
do u actually havta ask?Just don’t touch lah lol
i guess it would depend on how and where (on my body) the guy initiates the touch. if he gives me the idea that he is rushing at the nearest opportunity to touch me especially at places that are way more intimate than the small of my back… =.= i supposed i would like him to stay away.
i can deal with touch that is spontaneous and dignified. i believe you are fine Kenny, don’t dwell on it too much.
i guess i insulted some muslims?
This remind of me of my own incident.
Once, in a library, i was discussing with a friend. Then came an Indian guy, my classmate, a Hi-Bye fren, he stand behind me and try to join the conversation.
I saw he lift his hand, and all I thought he just wanna put his hand on my shoulder, so, I didn’t stop him.
To my suprise he put his hand on my back, right on my bra line and move around there. I was not comfortable. So, I asked him to take off his hand. But he refused to. >.
touch du touch lar, wont get pregnant one bah… but girls got 3 places sensitive lar, additional 1 place than boys have…
Hhmm… do you need to write a whole blog article to defend yourself ? ;p
I think the touchee’s reaction to touching is proportional to the toucher’s intentions (assuming if feelings are on the platonic level).
And, girls have greater vibe/sensitivity, remember?
Btw, to all you guys out there who think that girls would be ok if some dashingly spunky/goodlooking bloke touch them inappropriately, 3 words for you – F*&# OFF, PERVERTS!
Oops, apologies… forgot my manners, let me try again.
F#*@ OFF Please, PERVERTS
I think,
the safest thing is for you to wait for the girl to touch you slightly. this would show that she’s interested (possibly) or just comfortable with you. Then only you start with the physical contact. Works for me all the time. Never got turned down 😉
But also i’m sure that you’d know that the culture in Australia is different from here la. I spent 5 yrs studying highsch in australia and I was open minded and friendly, like smiling and saying hi to strangers on the streets, but when i get back to M’sia or singapore i don’t do that cos pple will think i’m a freako.
Being Asians it’s not too hard to gauge whether you need to keep your hands to yourself in the company of girls, even tho you’ve spent a long time in a Western country.
DUH!
im a girl and it happened on before. i’m not brought up in some conservative family too but i’m quite open minded i guess. when i was clubbing with my friend the other day, the music was too loud that he couldnt hear me. he placed his hand around my waist. i was shocked obviously but i think its alright because the music was superb loud till he couldnt even hear me after shouting aimlessly. his not good looking either but friends right =)
Eik, I don’t like to be touched by guys, especially strangers. I feel so odd and scared and uncomfortable such away that I would want to push him away.
You may see, but not for touch. 🙂
If you wear sexy, you are asking for trouble. Remember, it is always the MEAT’s fault. As our BN and PAS minister once said and i quote,”If you cover a bag of meat and leave it outside, dogs will circle round it but won’t attack it. But if the meat is left uncovered in the open, the dogs are sure to attack and ‘rape’ the meat.’ So the moral of the story here is, if you wear sexy and get touched…..its YOUR FAULT cos it’s always the meat’s fault. WA SALLA LU MAI
I am a girl myself and I in fact have had that kind of experience before. I was hanging out with one of my guy friends (my senior actually) and we were sort of waiting for the MRT (we are in Singapore by the way). When the MRT arrived, so of course we walked in. But due to the big crowd, we were trying to squeeze into the MRT and during this process, my friend sort of put his hand softly behind my back (trying to help me I guess), the same way you did to Jo. That instant though, I immediately felt uncomfortable. It’s not really about his looks, or whatsoever, and I consider myself to be quite open-minded and I don’t mind physical contact. I guess it was just my perception that our relationship wasn’t SO close that he could do that. All in all, I think it’s a matter of how close you’re to that person that you decide whether you can be physically close to him/her. So yeah. Hope that helps you to understand a little bit of how women perceive this kind of action. ^^
It’s common esp when u go clubbin, so I reckon you’re fine mate. We hug when we meet and a kiss when we part. No biggie ay. I’m asian but, brought up in western australia
Just as long as it’s not on parts we consider private hehehe >:)
gals don like to be touched…
unless she’s a whore or lust… mind that…
It depends on the location and people. When I go out to clubs or parties, I always have to look out for myself. Admit it there are many perverted guys in these places, so I definitely NOT LIKE TO BE TOUCHED. Some strangers like to touch your back, hands, shoulder while they pass by and you know they did that on purpose. So guys, make sure you leave some space for the girls.
anoneh….how can u compare your guy friends to your girl friends…try giving ur girl friend a playful shove in the chest like you do wif your guy frens and see what you get in return??!!!a serious injury at the face!!!!
It depends on the gals..but majority don’t like to be touched, especially by stranger..
why need to think so much since already touched ? why have so many restriction in this world ?
So many bitches and prudes here!
lol i loved that boob pic. AHH~
hehe..every-touch from the first-time-meet will make girls feel uncomfortable
..mm..heh, who am I to say, but I’m a muslim girl and the boundary between guy and a girl is to not even look at em’ (true story).
But since we’re livin’ in 2008, and everyone go to school where boys and girls are in the same class, so looking/staring at each other has become one of ‘kebiasaan’..
but when it come to ‘touching’, it’s hard to say..
I won’t feel comfortable, unless I like that dude emotionally..
but in your case, the touching part should not be done unless the girl touch u first..kinda like a signal saying “yea..I’m ok with touching”
If you touch a girl without any permission or suddenly then it will make the girl feel uncomfortable and you probably will get a present from her “slap”. Be a gentleman before acting and that could help you get the attention from her.
I always ask for “permisi dulu ya bu”? LOL…but the problem is, they always grab my hand and go “auto-roaming”. JK
Well, to sum it up just ask beforehand if you think she’s not comfortable with your gesture. I guess its not the question of ethnicity.
Play safe.
i want love peple good present so i can not say i am god son.
?
No wor, I do salsa a lot and I never get that untouchable feeling. I can touch all I want when dancing and imagine when doing the close hold :p However touching and feeling up & down is totally different. Also being squeezed in the buns by a woman is okay 🙂
Maybe you can take up salsa and get rid of that feeling. Hope you can set up a salsa gang in Kuching and we can go there as well!
cheers!!