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I was happily writing my Ah Beng entry last Saturday when suddenly I sensed something was amiss.
Notice how on the Internet, we have these English – Spanish translators, English – Chinese translators, etc. Heck, we even have an English – Gangsta Talk translator. But has anyone ever noticed that we do not yet have an English – Benglish translator.
Think about it! We have literally tens and thousands of technology graduates in Malaysia and Singapore working their asses off each day for giant corporations like Motorola. And for what? Does it benefit our own people? NO.
On the other hand, we have all these Ah Bengs and Ah Lians on our streets. They rather drive their modified Kancils with boom-boom sound instead of surfing the Internet reading blogs. Why, my friend, its because they feel neglected! Neglected by society! Neglected by school! Neglected by all these proper English-speaking people! We only care for ourselves. But what about them?
GODDAMMIT WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE AH BENGS?!?!
The English we use on the Internet all so cheem-cheem one, how do you expect those Ah Bengs to understand? Can you imagine an Ah Beng surfing the Internet or not?
“EH! Wat all this lan jiao Googur chee bye Brogspot!? I DONCH KNOW ONE LEH!”
Poor Ah Bengs. π I’m sure they all feel very left out.
And that is why over the weekend, I flexed my programming muscles and came up with this English – Benglish Translator. Its just something I quickly put together in my spare time, and there’s only around 100 words in the dictionary right now, so its not gonna perfect. Any suggestions, let me know.
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Recommended readings:
– Project Petaling Street in Benglish
– Tomorrow.sg in Benglish
– XiaXue in Benglish
– Minishorts in Benglish
– Joel Tan in Benglish
– Mack Zul in Benglish
– Cowboy Caleb in Benglish
– Finicky Feline in Benglish
– Vincent Lau in Benglish
If you’ve found any funny Benglish-translated sites worth visiting, comment and share lah!
– A good computer chair is an essential component of a perfect desktop, and I bought myself this executive leather chair today. Best RM850 I’ve ever spent. π
– I promise this will be the last Ah Beng entry I’ll do in a long long time. People who are gonna be offended by heavy usage of cuss words might want to skip this entry.
RAY7 support Ah beng!!
AH Beng Ah Lian all come come…tonite we go chiong ching kau kau..yo ar yo ar yo..song bo!!
beg-ify…haha…sounds like bengchee-bye
Haha. I randomly translated an entry and it went from this:
[I] I had an afternoon date with my husband the other day. We both managed to steal a couple of hours from our work.
Tee hee. It was no big occasion. Or anniversary.
It was just some spontaneous couple time.
Sitting, chatting and chilling together.
We’ve been together close to 5 years? And he still makes me laugh and laugh. Ah I just love his company. I feel like the luckiest woman in the world. *Goofy grin* [/I]
to this:
[I] KNNCCB!!!! Limpeh had an afternoon date with my lan jiao husband the other day.
We both managed to steal a couple of hours from our work.
Tee hee. It was no tua liap occasion. Or anniversary.
It was just some spontaneous couple time.
Sitting, chatting and chilling together.
We’ve been together close to 5 years? And the cheebye kia still makes limpeh chio kao peng and chio kao peng. Ah Limpeh just love that chao ah beng’s company. Limpeh feel like the luckiest woman in the world. *Goofy grin* [/I]
The translation made it so awful! LOL.
Aiyak, wrong codings paiseh.
You people should try bengifying Jeff Ooi …
ROTFLMAOWDDOOMM!!!
Oh gosh…tried to translate my blog into Benglish and it was really funny! Some interesting translations: toilet=lan jiao jo cake, they=those pukima, funny=si beh hor chio. And BTW, man=lampa, but then men=men and not lampa-lampa? Funny, funny!
Nice translators.
BTW, I was wondering what’s with the KLIA and the rave pics?
KLIA is the new Ah Beng’s lepak corner?
LOL!!! Thanks Kenny for making my day!!
I tried translating my blog and I felt I’m more “lian-ish” than before.
I just gotta “Kao Tao” to you!
wow, this is a brilliant tool. good shit, this!
Kenny, you begish translator works wonder. I can’t stop laughing on my post on The Modern Version of Ghost Festival. Funny shit!
You have great programming skill man. limpeh really also cannot fight leh.
Bloody hell~ I Beng-ify my blogsite’s entry – which was already foul in language critising ALevel Critics and Politicians in the UK, with the Beng-ify, It’s more foul and sibeh power sia!
I love you kenny~
oh and kenny, I had Radiohead’s song ‘Fake Plastic Tree’ lyrics Beng-ify!
here goes:
Her green plastic watering can
For that siao ginah fake Chinese rubber plant
In the fake plastic earth
That the chao ah lian bought from a rubber man
In a town full of rubber plans
To get rid of itself
It wears that siao ginah out, it wears that siao ginah out
It wears that siao ginah out, it wears that siao ginah out
She lives with a broken man
A cracked polystyrene man
Who just crumbles and burns
That kanina used to do surgery
For chao ginahs in the eighties
But gravity always wins
It wears the lan jiao face out, it wears the lan jiao face out
It wears the lan jiao face out, it wears the lan jiao face out
She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My fake plastic love
But Limpeh can’t help the feeling
NABEH! Limpeh could blow through the ceiling
If Limpeh just turn and run
It wears limpeh out, it wears limpeh out
It wears limpeh out, it wears limpeh out
If Limpeh could be who you wanted
If Limpeh could be who you wanted all the time
All the time…
All the time…
I’m trying to strum and sing the song Beng-ified!
http://benglish.kennysia.com/?add=http://twentyfoursevens.blogspot.com
Microsoft = Mai-cheebye-crosoft!
LOL!!
OMFG i translated my own page and its so freakin funny mannnnnn..got all those limpeh, lanjiau etc..XD ROFLOL!!
aehahahahahah
haha! kenny, the benglish translator works remarkably, i mean, damn well, with my atm entry.
oooh it’s up. yay!
haha… nice job kenny. that was really funny AND creative…. π
Hahahaha…fell off my chair laffing when I saw the beng-ified versions of XiaXue’s, MiniShorts etc…
This one almost killed me (from Scarlet Ting’s)
“Long absence. Not my lan jiao fault.”
Hahaha…nice one Kenny!
two thumbs up for kenny!!! i laughed my ass off on my friend’s blog…. LOLOLOLOLOL
Awesome translator!!! =)
siao ginah! limpeh thak liao chio kao peng!
yup… translated my blog and its awful.. awfully funny! π Kenny, you are back to your best! π
From Yahoo news:
Blog For Hope:
Hillary Clinton, Mary Hart, Deepak
Chopra, and others share their lampa personal
experiences. Read their lampa thoughts,
then share lu kaki eh cheebye.
WTF….. HAHAHAHAHA….
Classic! Someone fund Kenny Sia to develop this as his FT job!
LOL this is so hilarious!
wahh!! so the veli good, dis benglish translator!
you are really something kenny! thank you, thank you!
damn chio siah…limpeh impless..
haha…you are genius!
it’s hilarious
ahahahahahhaha!!!!!
a stroke of genius!!!
it turn my blog into something that’s so funny i almost crap my pants laughing… LMAO
bwahahaha! lan jiao! si beh hor chio! got pukima summore! bwahahahaha!
haha….this is cool man….maybe you can open up and people can help you to make a whole dictionary out of this
‘plojek 8 triple 5’…
*engine mati*
ahhaa.. Nice entry!! Like the benglish translator !! ahahaha =)
I wonder what would happen if I entered one of my ENG-BM-AB translations in it….
Sweet
http://benglish.kennysia.com/body.php?add=http://www.tian.cc
KUALA LUMPUR: Without fail, Lee Yuen Fong, lagi best known as Tiger Lee, wears a shirt which has the image of a tiger stitched on it, during tiong yao functions.
Lee: Likened himself to a tiger as the cheebye kia was full of energy.
Yesterday, the nomination lay for the MCA polls, was no different.
Lee said many peepur did not recognise that chao ah beng’s name, budden hor, when those pukima see the Γ’β¬ΛtigerΓ’β¬β’ on that chao ah beng’s shirt, those pukima know the cheebye kia is Tiger Lee.
Γ’β¬ΕSo wheneber Limpeh meet the central delegates or attend any party functions, Limpeh will wear a shirt which has a tiger badge,Γ’β¬Β said Lee, adding that the cheebye kia had tailored enough shirts with tiger images to be worn during the campaigning period.
Lee, who is vying for a party central committee post, likened himself to a tiger as the cheebye kia was full of energy.
Γ’β¬ΕI is an outspoken chao kacheng and Limpeh believe Limpeh can do lagi best than many others,Γ’β¬Β said Lee, who is Temiang state assemblyman.
Lee, who was a former Negri Sembilan volleyball coach, said the cheebye kia earned the nickname during a national-level volleyball competition in Ipoh 21 years ago.
http://www.thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2005/8/16/nation/11780382&sec=nation
suggestion: Datuk = Latuk
also, The Standard Benglish, all r is plonouce as L
Tried it on my blog. Didnt expect it to work so well. Showed the ah beng in me that i never knew i had.
oh my gosh this is totally hilarious! unfortunately i can’t do it on my site
OH MY GOSH! i love your benglish translator, it cracked me up so hard. please code in more words! π
omg limpeh laughed so loud, ok?!
and limpeh lurrrrve this translator! haha..
well done kenny! you made my day.
Wah power! Nearly burst my stomach laughing! π
Translated my blog and here’s and excerpt of what happened to one of my posts about my wedding anniversary…
==================================
…
Looking back, wa lang realized that we’ve come a long way. From getting married, to having our girl, bringing that siao ginah up, sending that siao ginah to tak chek, having our second child, sending the lan jiao face to tak chek too, buying a flat and moving out to live on our own… it’s been a long budden hor, choo bi road.
…
===========================
See the full translation of my blog at [ http://benglish.kennysia.com/body.php?add=http://fugs.blogspot.com ]
You are great! My boring brog came alive after Limpeh put it through your benglish transrator.
i tried it on my blog and the first thing i saw was, “I is so liddat so pissed at myself.”
BWAHAHAHA.
wicked!!! the translator was freaking cool.. especially on one of my angry entry.. but it look weird on this entry. :
“as ive mentioned, limpeh got a cousin with cancer. She’s xxxx.. thats wat wa lang call that siao ginah for short anyway.
ive mentioned tt the chao ah lian is not reacting to lotsa drugs and chemo..
tolay wa lang went out for lunch and after that limpeh accompany that siao ginah for a hair cut @ Supercut
ebelione commented tt that siao ginah tumor is bigger. sigh. ”
something so sad can sound so funny. haha..
but thanks for bringin a smile to my face.. my cousin is indeed a siao ginah. =)
OMFG..haha.. i just translated my blog ~! How come there is ‘lan jiao’ in nearly every sentence.. wtf ?!? Funny stuff though..thanks Kenny.. π
———————————
http://benglish.kennysia.com/body.php?add=http://astrogir1.blogspot.com/
Wakaka! limpeh’s Ms Universe Interview Excerpts from my brog bΓΒ§ome so farnie! Here’s excerpt on M’sia!
Malisia!
Question: Ms Malisia, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms Malisia: Well, Limpeh can kong that Male Organs in Malisia are like Proton car.
Question: How can you kong so?
Ms Malisia: Look tough budden hor, acherly very the soft……………………….
(Applause! Applause! Laughter! Laughter! Applause! )
http://benglish.kennysia.com/?add=http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=retardedly_cute
weee.. i had fun!! nicely done up beng-ify!
tq, u just ruined my supposedly romantic entry ~ LOL
u r really creative..made my day!
awesome ~ can turn any blog into best blog of the year instantly.
all hail the king of ahbeng-nator!!~~
funny shit lah. π
Hahahaha… you’re good.
Wahaha, you are a gem, kenny. Thanks for a good laugh!
sibeh cool weiii! ur skills amaze me!!
hahahaha. hilarious!
You got every one crazy over here with that translator of yours.
HI kenny! i had found some of the funny Hokkien Poem…! hope you enjoy it!
Let us sing the Hokkien Poem
Children is kina kia
Bird is chiao kia
Korean Car is Kia
Give birth is seh kia
Furniture is Ikea
Police is mata kia
Small house is chu kia
Country name is Czechoslovakia
Puppy is kao kia
Kitten is ngiao kia
Chicken is kuey kia
Pig is tu kia
H/phone is nokia
I’m Hokkien kia,
Malay is huan kia
Hindu is kit leng kia
Kuai lou is ang mo kia
Chinese is t’ng lang kia
Japanese is jit pun kia
Bad Guy is phai kia
Good Guy is ho kia
Person who read this message is Gong Kia
If you laugh, you are Siow Kia
try adding “si beh li hai” to your dictionary
π
hey kenny u never visit talkingcock.com izzit?
I cannot police!
hilarious!!
http://benglish.kennysia.com/?add=http://www.stevenlim.net/
I just have to share this one (got it from stevenlim’s website ):
Beng-ified :
This elderly chao neh nehs went to the doctor for a check-up. Everything checked out fine.
The old chao neh nehs pulled the doctor to the side and said, “Doctor, Limpeh haven’t had sex for years now and Limpeh was wondering how Limpeh can increase my lan jiao husband’s sex drive.”
The doctor smiled and said, “Have you tried to give the lan jiao face Viagra?”
The chao neh nehs frowned. “Doctor, Limpeh can’t even get the lan jiao face to take aspirin when the cheebye kia has a headache,” the chao ah lian claimed.
“Well,” the doctor continued, “Let limpeh suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving the lan jiao face coffee, stir it into the kopi and serve it one. That kanina won’t notice a thing.”
The old chao neh nehs was delighted. That lao cheebye left the doctor’s opik quickly.
Weeks later the old chao neh nehs returned. That lao cheebye was frowning and the doctor asked that siao ginah what was salah. That lao cheebye shook that siao ginah head.
“How did it go?” the doctor asked.
“Terrible, doctor, terrijiber.”
“Did it not work?”
“Yes,” the old chao neh nehs said, “It worked. Limpeh did as you said and the cheebye kia got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and wa lang made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I’d had in 25 years.”
“Then si mi is the probrem, ma’am?”
“Well,” the chao ah lian said. “I can’t eber show my lan jiao face in McDonald’s again.”
orginal :
This elderly lady went to the doctor for a check-up. Everything checked out fine.
The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, “Doctor, I haven’t had sex for years now and I was wondering how I can increase my husband’s sex drive.”
The doctor smiled and said, “Have you tried to give him Viagra?”
The lady frowned. “Doctor, I can’t even get him to take aspirin when he has a headache,” she claimed.
“Well,” the doctor continued, “Let me suggest something. Crush the Viagra into a powder. When you are giving him coffee, stir it into the coffee and serve it. He won’t notice a thing.”
The old lady was delighted. She left the doctor’s office quickly.
Weeks later the old lady returned. She was frowning and the doctor asked her what was wrong. She shook her head.
“How did it go?” the doctor asked.
“Terrible, doctor, terrible.”
“Did it not work?”
“Yes,” the old lady said, “It worked. I did as you said and he got up and ripped his clothes off right then and there and we made mad love on the table. It was the best sex that I’d had in 25 years.”
“Then what is the problem, ma’am?”
“Well,” she said. “I can’t ever show my face in McDonald’s again.”
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