One of my pet peeves with Friendster is seeing people writing testimonials for people they don’t know.
I’m sure we’ve all seen testimonials like these before:
“HmmMMMmm… I dUnNo HeR 1 BuT shE ix berii cuTez aNd preTTyzzzzzzZZZZzzz…..!!! tHx f0R addinG mE tO yOuR FrenZ LiSt! StAy CutEz aNd PreTTy AlWiZZZZZzzzzz!”
Nabeh. You call that a testimonial?
Friendster limits people over 18 to join, but I swear my IQ dropped by half when browsing profiles of those 14 year olds, who cleverly pump their age up to 18 to fool the system. Some even more kiasu and put their age as 84 years old instead. Like talking to ah mah very appealing like that.
Does she look freakin’ 84 years old to you?
I think at the very least, testimonials should contain some substance about the person. They should describe the habits and traits of that person beyond what their profile pictures. Obviously that’s a little difficult considering the person who gives the testimonial and the person who receives it probably never even conversed at all.
So what I’ll do here is provide some hints on how to write good testimonials for people you’ve never met.
If you see them somewhere else, remember, you read it first at kennysia.com
1. Pretend Like They Are Your Long Lost Friend
“WENNY~~~~~!!!! So surprised to see you here on Friendster! ^_^ Haven’t heard from you since Form 3! I thought you went to Afghanistan liaw. But I chatted with Mr Laden on MSN last night and he said you were in London last week? What are you doing there? Keeep in touch ya???”
2. Give ’em A Trip Report
“T+00: read Wenny Sia’s profile.
T+02: surroundings become blur. v nice visuals.
T+03: getting warm in here.
T+05: everything’s so surreal.
T+07: my face is numb
T+10: feel like vomitting.
T+14: effects v strong now.
T+15: shit. cannot hold back. i’m nauseating
T+19: regurgitated on my keyboard. fuck.”
3. Treat ’em Like Weight Loss Products
“After looking at Wenny’s picture, my appetite disappears suddenly. I’m no longer hungry, and I stop having cravings. In fact, food isn’t all that interesting to me anymore. After 10 days, I lost 6kg of weight, 4% of bodyfat and 2 inches off my waist.
Thank you Wenny Sia!”
4. Rate ’em Like How Sammyboy Rates ‘Em
“Met her at L6H9.
looks: 4/10 (very average)
body: 5/10 (a bit fat. boobs hairy.)
CB: 6/10 (trimmed)
AR: din provide. din ask.
BJ: 1/10 (kena teeth a lot)
FJ: 8/10 (accomodating. tried many diff positions until CIM.)
Damage: $40
RTF: never in a lifetime”
Two more sleeps till Bloggers.SG!
Date: 16 July (Sat)
Blogging Workshop
Venue: Woodlands Regional Library Auditorium
Time: 10 am to 12 pm
Bloggers.SG Singapore Bloggers Conference
Venue: DXO at Esplanade
Time: 2 pm till late
Note: Got bellydancers leh. No, I’m not one of them.
If you wanna say hi to me, I’ll be at both events.