They’re supposed to sit for their final exams next week, but Irene and IngHui couldn’t care less. Instead of piling on books and burying their faces into lecture notes, the two devils took advantage of Curtin Miri’s week-long study break to drop by Kuching for holidays, so I met up with them.
I’ve known Irene for a while now, but its my first time meeting IngHui since I met her online few months ago. Its interesting hanging out with these two. We met up for cheesecakes at Tom’s and hearing the two girls yak about their shall-we-say “extracurricular activities” is easily the most amusing thing I get to witness. Sometimes I think they’re betraying the female population talking about the things they talked about in front of me. And they weren’t even drunk.
Wednesday night is ladies night, where the girls get free drinks and the guys get to ogle at the girls who came here for free drinks. The three of us initially agreed to go pubbing together as the two girls will be flying back to Miri soon. But alas, they “let go of aeroplane” on me for better plans, and I ended up at the pub alone. Very pathetic.
Actually, having a quiet drink alone isn’t as loserish as it looks. I was sipping vodka in my little corner, observing the dynamics in the room, when suddenly something struck me. Have you ever noticed the types of people who come to pubs are almost identical everywhere?
Just look at their image, their attire, their body language. Its very actually very easy to sort these people into categories. Here’s what I did.
1) The resident pub dwellers
You know the ones. It seems like everytime you visit the pub, they’re there. No, not the staff. I’m talking about people who go to these pubs so often its almost as if they’re part of their furniture. They always stay till late and they’re always saying “Hi!” to people every 2 or 3 minutes. I wonder if they listed the pub as their postal address.
2) The underaged kids
This ones are easy to spot. First of all, they look WAY too damn young to even be drinking. They huddle around the table as if they’re having dinner, sitting there looking very bored, yawning, or even sleeping.
Little Annie probably told her mommy she went out for movies with friends, but here she is dazed and drunk after half glass of Tiger Beer. Why do they go to the pub if its so damn boring? I don’t know, probably because drinking is the cool thing to do.
3) The popular girls
You know her. The popular girl is super chio, nice bod, great top, long legs, thick lashes, million-dollar smile, sashaying in whilst all the guys go ga-ga. The guys she hang out with line up to buy drinks for her and she accepts, winking back at them cheekily, their hearts melt. She enjoys making the guys fall for her, but she doesn’t want anything to do with them. That’s because she most probably has a boyfriend somewhere.
The guys there have no chance. All her girl friends want to get on her good side, but they secretly bitch and backstab her because they’re all jealous of the fact that she steals all the guys’ hearts away.
4) The weird loner who drinks vodka in a quiet corner silently using his camera to take photos of everyone else in the pub, most probably to publish them onto his blog later or something.
Yea, stay away from him.
5) The popular guys
You know him. The popular guy is tall, handsome, big arms, perky butt, spiky hair, million-dollar smile, surrounded by an aura of suaveness.
He’s also very rich but that’s because he’s spending a lot of his father’s money because you always see him walking in and out of the private VIP room with the popular girls. All the girls secretly want to have hot steamy sex with him and all the guys are jealous of him but they’re not as vindicative about it because they get to have free drinks off him.
6) The rich businessmen
These guys are clearly a little too old for a pub filled with 20-somethings. Sometimes they’re seen together with the resident pub dwellers, but most of the time they’re just standing there still like a monument. They are very generous alright, ordering Chivas by the bottle and shouting everyone free drinks.
They shamelessly flaunt their wealth, because they can. At the end of the night all they want to do is to get into the pants of a girl young enough to be their daughter. And sadly for us, they usually succeed.
7) The desperate single males
Sit around, beer in one hand, popular girl walks in, eyes lit up, approach her? Nabeh… boyfriend look very fierce, got tattoo one. Waiting waiting waiting, watch soccer on TV, sip another beer, vampy little nymphette walks in. Wah her clothes so terror! Approach her? Don’t want lah, too shy. Take another sip, watch somemore soccer, aiya stupid Beckham dunno how to kick, miss the goal completely! CCB.
Waseh one chio bu just walked past me, fuyohhhh, check out the boobs on her. Aiyo how come the boyfriend so fugly, bad taste, dirty dancing some more. Dance with me lah! Haiyah. Finish drinking liaw. Buy another beer? Fuck lah no money. Tiu, so boring, no girls one. Better go home, wank and sleep lah.
8) The vampy little nymphettes
These small, young and petite little girls are helluva easy to spot. They usally come in wearing a top one-inch too low, a skirt one-inch too short, and ended up looking like Bai Ling on a bad hair day.
I don’t deny that they are sexy mamas with a sizzling hot bodies to boot. Its just that when the slut-factor is turned up way too high, good taste turns sour, clouds turn grey and birds fall off the sky. All the girls hate her and all the guys pretend to hate her whilst they stare at her cleavage.
The vampy little nymphettes will act like divas, cigarettes in one hand, alcohol on the other, coldly rejecting any attempt to start a conversation. Unless you’re the rich businessman, the popular guy, or an angmoh, in which case they’ll latch on to you like koala bears, virtually begging you to bring them home.
Those lucky bastards.
Colourful description of the customers there. Yeah, those lucky bastards. Us desperate single males (not you lah!)
is that photoshop? i mean the last pic.
my inner circle male frens call the popular girls type….cock teasers!
Ang moh?
Where’s my sluts?!?
Same thing in KL when I was home for CNY…all those little nymphettes @ nymphomaniacs only looking for Ang Mo…really CCB! Isn’t there a Sing-equivalent term..Sarong Party Girls??
You forgot to talk about the dancers. Which can also be broken up into many different catergories as well.
you should haf flew out to join us last nite *grinz*
number 4 most dangerous of all.. gawdknows whats in their minds…
The last pic…the girl posed for you or you just added it as an x-factor of your photoshop skills. Pretty nevertheless, ignore the sluttiness
Pub.. Those were the dayz long gone man..yur post brings bac lots of memory…used to pub a lot in australia…go more to club than pub in NYC…sianz lar…not fun wan..u dance one corner i dance 1 corner..don go anymore..go to concert more now…im goin to green day, sum 41, richard marx n yummy avril lavigne concert nex mth…will take lots of pics…will keep u update..nice pub blog though..
Oh geez… Grappa… LOLz… I was known as a Grappa addict for awhile since I started clubbing again after a major break up with my ex. I frequent Grappa every single night it was open during my semester break… Imagine that… 2 whole months, from Monday to Saturday… And so yeah, I’m on the #1 – The resident pub dwellers.
I still do drop by once in awhile now but mostly only on Fridays or Saturdays… Though I prefer Wednesdays and Thursdays as the place is not too packed to walk around. And no… drinking alone is no big deal. In fact, there are very few who frequent pubs alone and it takes lots of guts to do that.
Lol, it does reflect not just Malaysian people at pubs, but English peoples in the UK, except even if you are an Amgmoh, chances of a slut latching to u is rare. If you are of Chinese/Singaporean/Malaysian origin, even harder 😛 Tried and Tested.
you forgot about the pudgy, clueless, middle-age men who speak bad english. they scream “I WANT TO RECOGNISE YOU” at 80 decibles directly into your ear in an attempt to get into your pants.
Interesting entry indeed. Haven’t been pubbing in a while really. How about taking pictures in a club next time Kenny, and show us the different groups there, or you could do a comparison between the two. Just inputting my two cents…
oh yeah….. i remember grappa, place is so damn narrow you cant help but rub your crotch against girls (and sumtimes guys) bums. thats why it rules !
Where are the ahbeng paikias???
Great insights! I go clubbing a lot too, and yes, all you write is OH SO true — even in Taiwan! Keep up the good work!
Yeah great work ! 1st time ever get so closed to the clubbing scene in Kuching . And it takes lotsa courage to go pub alone wif a digital camera . heheh 🙂
Hey dude, I love those vampy little nymphettes who bought their provacative ourfits at è¬ç¦ç¢¼é å°è²©ä¸å¿ƒ.
Cool pictures you had there, but I guess you quickly shoot and keep your camera, that’s why all pictures kinda blur blur one…
anyway, I think I belong to #7
haha GRAPPA.. the only place i know that have mens night but no free drinks for them cos they do not have boobs to showcase. =p only discounted drinks.
i missed those days when shooters was still around and everyone flocked eagles. and soho when it wasnt as packed as now because the drinks was overprice.
now the crowd have changed! even those kids who used to be in primary school before i left kuching are now going out on those late nights. geez… im old!
=p
kenny, how did you managed to take those photos w/o anyone noticing? but anyway, that was one good blog. cheers!
LOL…nice stereotyping…hheheehe
i would have done the same…except i havent been clubbing for eons.. 😉
Sadly I belong in group 7
Yeah what happen to the hardcore clubbers? Those that frequent clubs for good music and soul-searching? What sort of music do they play in Kuching clubs? Anyway great observation you got there, keh-nih!
I think I belong to the no. 4 group, that is the weird type sitting in the corner having my drinks and doing my rounds of ppl watching.
LOL!! damn funny! XD
these stereotypes can even be found in gay clubs, except that those in the ‘vampy little nymphettes’ category were born male.
bingo!
kenny, i’d have to say taht i feel the same. (even though i’m a female). i usually end up sitting at a corner, drinking alone quietly with a friend. but usually, i’m sitting alone while my friends danced the night away.
however, i dont quite agree with your angmoh theory. i’ve a mauritian friend of indian descent, who gets a lot of angmoh girls somehow. he is not the fair-skinned bollywood-actor lookign guy but yet he still gets girls. i was pretty surprised myself. guess i dont quite have an argument but i just wanted to say that not only the angmohs, popular-looking guys and the businessman gets the girls but also average looking guys. [i think its the fact taht my friend is an aviation student that attracts girls]
SO SORRY i ditched you last second!! I DID say I might not be able to make it.. In two weeks aye? Promise? Sooo.. which group am I categorized in? Type 4 is to be avoided at all costs – scary la if my face end up on some blog showcasing my blur fuck face after one drinks too many. Type 6 refers to Pencil-Dick? Eheheheheh.. Type 7 very irritating..
Don’t forget the girls who sit in a corner, nursing their own drinks, while secretly hoping some hot guy will come up and buy them the next one. Yup, that’s ME. :p
that’s not vodka you’re drinking…you’re supposed to smoke them in a clear vial, you’re trippin kenny…..
Pub can take pictures? 😀
how did you get those pics taken without being noticed huh?? haha woulda love to do that sometimes too. XD
I don’t go to pubs. But I think the library is the place where I can find girls of my taste. 😉 Why don’t you try going to one Kenny?
Dang, that’s so funny but true at the same time!!
Those underaged kids are fang annoying… especially the snotty females in the group. Pfft.
wah…thanks for showing me the clubbing scene in kuching. ahahah… eventho i am from there, i never seem to go out pubbing in kuching. i usually sit and talk at the local mamak stall bitching the night away. i cant stand the crowds at the pub. 😀 but if i were to go out pubbing i think i would belong to group 4 😀 ahahaha… the one holding the camera phone taking pictures and blogging about how i loath the other 7 groups!! 😀
yes lucky bastards they are …
so many too !