What a heavy few days it has been, both physically and emotionally, to see the man who raised me up with leaving me forever. From now on, all that’s left of him is the portrait on the wall, and memories of him in my heart.
A familiar hand on my lap brings a lot of comfort to me
Nicole specially flew in from Perth to be with me during this trying time. Its the first time we’re reunited since I left her on the 1st March. It was a bittersweet reunion – the fact that I got to see her on the day of my father’s funeral. But I’m glad she’s here. Somehow, listening to “One Sweet Day” with her in my arms is soothing to the soul.
Before they closed the lid on his coffin, I kissed my father on his forehead. The coldness of his skin still lingers on my lips. And that was the last time I touched my father.
In tough times like this, even the most unreligious person like me look for signs of God around me. The perfect weather these past two days during the service was too coincidental, as it rained heavily almost immediately after the conclusion of the funeral service.
But the amazing thing occurred as I bid my final farewell to my father at the crematorium. Out of no where, a magpie flew in chirping noisily. I flashed back to the morning before his passing. I remembered how my uncle sang softly to my father and how he said “Get well soon. Wake up and hear the magpies sing.” Amazing coincidence or a sign from God? I have no idea. Whatever it was, it certainly gave me a wonderful sense of comfort.
A magpie flew into the crematorium chirping noisily. Did you hear the magpies sing, dad?
He passed away peacefully. There was no pain. There was no struggle.
I can accept the fact that we all die one day. I can accept the fact that when the time comes, people around me will leave this place for eternal.
I think if we cannot accept the fact that we all die on day, we cannot actually start living.
What I could not accept is the fact that my father left us so early. It pains me knowing how hard he worked all his life and yet he hadn’t had time to taste the fruit of his labour nor to enjoy life to its fullest. Copies of National Geographic in his office are filled with places he hoped to travel one day. That day never came. He left too soon.
Pa, didn’t you still have places left to explore?
Growing up, my father taught me many lessons. Lessons on the family. Lessons about the business. Lessons based on his rich life experiences. I’m sure there are many more but he hadn’t had enough time to teach me.
Perhaps the biggest lesson he taught me following the end his life, is how to start living my life. Be truthful. Be humble. Do not do things that intentionally hurt other people’s feelings. With all that he achieved in his life he has set a high benchmark for me. I have big shoes to fill. Will I be like him? Will I make him proud? When its my time to go, will people remember me the way they remember him?
One thing for sure, I’m keen to follow his footsteps.
I miss him. Emptiness is me coming home and not seeing him on his favourite reclining chair.
Yeah, life’s a bitch, but life goes on. I just have to have the balls to face it.
life goes on pal, be strong!
Hey, you got balls the size of coconuts ok… I have no doubts that you can face this. Face this you will, and I believe you will triumph. 🙂
life is about suffering…
death is about the end of suffering…
a lost will acquaint oneself with a gain…
takecare my friend
Kenny, you are going to go out there and show the world what a marvelous son Mr Sia has. Go make your dad proud. Use those coconuts, man! LOL!
I’m sure you have already made your dad very proud. In the graduation picture of you together, he seemed so happy and proud. Life really does suck at times, that’s why i believe should live it to the fullest. Good luck.
i know u have faith in urself,we all have faith in u.
As what Kenneth mentioned, bro, you have the balls the size of coconuts man! Even that could be an understatement! So stand up once again on your own two feet, be strong, and take on the world once more. You have my, and the rest of the people that care for you, support. Make your dad and your family proud now. We’ll always be supporting and routing for ya mate!
Hang in there Kenny!
Yes, dear Kenny. No more crying those coconut water out:)Time to store em in your coconut balls and be strong:) Kenny boleh:)
though i’m not sure about coconut balls (as they might hinder u from standing properly), i am sure that you’ll work your way through all this.
he IS going on his national geographic trip btw, he flows in the breeze that makes birds soar, and frolicks among the ocean in which you laid him in.
for all you know, he might be on a topless beach right now.
Hey man, your humongous balls will surely take you through. I’m sure you’ll do your daddy proud.
Be consoled by the fact that his blood flows in you. He is always with you wherever you are. Live to honour his memory. God bless.
I almost teared while reading your post. I couldnt think of any words of comfort. I guess time heals.
A testament to how powerful a blog communicates
.. is here. The emotions are so strongly transferred, that today, on mothers day, I thought of a father I never was close to, and…
u’ll definitely make ur dad proud, kenny!! take care.
As I have said earlier,Kenny you have made your father proud. Giving all up and coming back to Kuching.
Be strong… 🙂
Your father will be very proud to have a son like you, ready to step into his shoes and make your mark in the world like he did in his lifetime.
Hang in there, Kenny. The grey skies will clear soon.
Take care
Your Dad taught you well, esp aout Truth&Humility.
On such occasions, I always recall:
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost, but now I’m found
Was blind, but now I see.
Kenny, be strong, and live the GO’D life!
Death is life, life is death, balls or not. It’s about growing up.
Be strong Kenny….and i’m sure its undeniable that your dad was very proud of you. He’s probably in a happier place now….and travels to places that he’s always dreamt of, after his hard work in achieving success in life. In the meantime, live life to the fullest and never take things for granted. God bless!
i think i am gonna have a chat with my dad.
Be a responsible, righteous man – that will make your dad proud.
Got balls?
Sure you do, mate. Sure you do. 🙂
Glad you’re hanging in there.
Thanks for the encouragement guys. Time to make those coconuts work eh? 😉
I thought just to give you some consolation as I completely know how you felt..at least you are at your father’s side when he passed away..
four years ago, I went to Kuching to visit my sick Grandpa, only to be hit by a very shock news that he passed away an hour before I arrived in Kuching International Airport… I can’t stop blaming myself for not being there (even until now)..and to make things even more sad, my Grandma who had alzheimer also passed away five days after my Grandpa..I’m not sure whether I believed in coincidence anymore in my life…
But for whatever it is, I had learned to believe that they are both happy now, eternally! and so is your father, so cheer up, mate and let him be proud of you!
I’m glad that you are still with us, with your sense of humour retained. What your father started left me with pleasent memories when I looked back.
Dear Kenny,
Reading what you wrote brought tears to my eyes. All I can say is be strong. I know losing a loved one so close to you can be a very daunting task to overcome but I’m sure you will slowly pull yourself through it. I’m sure your father is watching over you and your family from heaven above.
I am also grieving for a family friend who was struck by lighting a week ago. (you might have read it in thestar newspaper).
Take care, Kenny. You are in my prayers. Take time to grieve. Grieving time is an important part in the healing process.
Hey Kenny, been following your blog for quite a while and I find it immensely amusing, you’re a fantastic blogger. It’s my first time commenting now. I just want to offer my condolences. I really do understand how you feel, because my dad has cancer, and I’m terrified that he may leave me any day. Do take care and God bless you and your family yeah.
*hugs*
You’re an incredible person, Kenny. Incredible. Stay strong, dude.
Kenny, I’m not sure if you will believe this or not. But I’ve heard the elder people telling me that when a person gone, the soul will turn into other living thing to be at home for the last moment.
When my grandma past away few years ago, it happened. When my uncle past away a few years back, it happened too.
Stay strong Kenny. Your father is always around you all, no matter where he is.
Dear Kenny, I’m so sorry to hear of your loss… 🙁 My condolences to you and your family.
kenny,
dude i know it is hard when your dad dies i know how ya feel my father went to play golf with his brother and was gone and died at the golf course my uncle tried his best to save his brother(my father) . and my uncle in tears and crying so hard told me he could not bring my dad back . so even after 4 years it is still hard . but i remember him always. and we did not always get along but we did love each other. and i miss my dad too. kenny good luck i feel ya dude.
An American Indian Prayer
When I am dead
Cry for me a little
Think of me sometimes
But not too much.
Think of me now and again
As I was in life
At some moments it’s pleasant to recall
But not for long.
Leave me in peace
And I shall leave you in peace
And while you live
Let your thoughts be with the living.
hey.. im you latest fan(sorta).. anyway.. life is a bitch.. but as you said life goes on.. hang on for the ride and things will get better..
It’s a very disturbing blog, Kenny.
Disturbing, as I recalled my own memories when my Pa left me abruptly.
As you may learn now that missing someone who is alive is much much better than missing the dead.
Life may not be a bitch at all. It’s worst when you can’t cry when you wants to and can’t remember those you wanted to recall.
I still cry everyday/everytime when I thought about my Pa.. and I smile it’s because I still be able to do so..
Tis’ a beautiful entry, kenny. =] Not because you jotted down the whole thing in detail, but because you seal your father’s love and the memories of him with your heart. And I guess that’s enough.
Thanks for sharing.
hey.. i know how it is like.. i enjoy reading ur blog.. its good 🙂 i lost my dad and another family member close to me too.. take care
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haih..i seems to be the same situation as yours..my dad passed away on apr 2005..until now i still miss him very much..the worst thing is all my siblings is still studying and the youngest one is only 7 years old..(tears started running down my face)..my dad also worked so hard in his life and havent really enjoy his life yet..and now he had gone…i really miss the time when our whole family went for the each holiday.he got heart attack,that was the 1st time and the last time.i was really got shocked when the doctor said my dad only had 30 percent to live..my uncle comforts me tat nothing will happen but…tat night my sis received call fr my mum n tats it.that month is also my final exams period..our memorable song with him was zhang dong liang-huang huan..everytime we sing that song we sure will cry and eyes gone red….anyways,life still have to goes on..take care.
hi kenny..i jus wanna say dat i’m really touched by ur love 4 ur dad. was reading ur blog since day 1 it started till this entry. halfway thru started crying..wat u had written was really touching. it jus reminded me of my aunty who passed away last year & my 2 good frens who jus recently lost their dads. unlike u where u could spend 6 months plus with him, their loss was rather sudden & unexpected. these incidents made me realise that not only is life short but also it is also unpredictable. so i jus wanna thank u for providing us with entries everyday. some of which are really damn funny & hilarious (april fools day =)) & some which has brought us down 2 earth, making us realise how fragile & precious our life is. so keep up the good work with this blog =) & god bless.
Dear Kenny,
I start reading your blog since 20 february 2006 and i do really fall in love with it.Now whenever i am stress in the office or home….i will start typing http://www.kennysia.com.
reading all your archive blog.
I am sure your dad will be very proud of you…look you have attract so many ppl reading your blog daily.
ku eh bo khi sin eh bo lai. be strong man.
hey..just reading all ur old blogs…and came across this 1…sad to know about ur loss of ur father..same thing happened to me….father passed away 4 years ago…seem like a long time a go… but still cry everytime time i think about it….this blog really reminds me of his funeral…miss him so much…im the youngest in the family and he never get to chance to see me graduate and tat sort of thing…
how i wish he can be here and see how great i hav turn out to be….
never say how much i lov him b4…how sad is that….
anyway..great blogs…
entertaining my boring life here in brisbane….
if there is internet in heaven, he’s probably laughing his butt off surfing thru ur site. Strong pal!
this remind me of my favorite grandma…
she left when i was away from home for studies…
i still remember that i promised her to take care of her when i start working. and i promised her to take her to visit China one day…
Now that she left… and all the memories with her will well kept in my mind and heart.